Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs
by Lord22
Summary: Kakarot has spent most of his twelve years of life in the wilds, far away from anyone to harm or be harmed by. But then one day a human named Bulma arrived, and he finds himself on a quest to find seven magical balls... Major AU.
1. The Girl

**Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs:**

 **Chapter One:**

Ever since Kakarot was a child, sent to earth for the specific purpose of the destruction of the planet, he had been frustrated by his lack of progress towards that goal. His teachings under his mentor and, begrudgingly, master, Gohan whom he had at times called Grandfather, had taught him discipline. And when he was not being taught discipline, Gohan would tell him of the countless other Martial Artists who were far stronger than Gohan himself. Since Kakarot had never been able to defeat his Master in a fair match, he had stayed his wrath and watched over this valley of weak animals for as long as he could remember.

For he knew that if he were to destroy this world as had been ingrained into him from his earliest memories, he must first defeat its greatest champions. And if he could not defeat his Master Gohan, he could not possibly defeat those who were greater than him. For to destroy the world was to set one's power against every living creature upon that world. And Kakarot was not prepared for that.

Thus had he lived and trained, memorizing every word his Master said. Committing his techniques to memory that he might one day slay him with it. His Master understood his mind, he knew what Kakrot intended, but hoped to change him. And Kakarot would be lying if he said he had not been effected by his lessons. He respected the old man, for without him he never would have become as strong as he was now. Defeating him would be Kakarot's moment when he could begin his true quest.

At times he wondered what terrible and almighty being had sent him down to Earth from far away. His memories were still fuzzy from a time when he had hit his head. He could have been sent by a king, or even a god. When he achieved his goal would they show themselves to him?

He often sat atop the roof, gazing on the stars and wondering about such things. The moon did not often shine into Gohan's valley, and only once had he seen it. And that day was the day when his Master died. Kakarot never found out how it happened. He remembered coming to his senses naked and crying by the corpse of the Man who had taught him everything. Everything but his mission.

After that Kakarot no longer lived, really, he merely existed. Hunting, gathering firewood and training. For with the death of his Master he had no benchmark by which he could tell how strong he was. All purpose had drained from his life as he walked the forested highlands without meaning without purpose. The lions and tigers were no threat to him, even if by some miracle they laid paws upon his form, they claws could not pierce his skin. He caught fish and cooked them by his own means.

It was becoming dreadfully boring, so to pass the time Kakarot had carved off a gigantic section of a tree and was currently walking on top of it as it rolled downhill near a sheer drop of hundreds of feet. Near his neck was a saw blade, and as he walked he saw a group of pathetic deer drinking from a stream, as a pterodactyl flew up from the forests below to go beyond sight.

He saw three monkeys hanging down from a nearby tree, and the bottom one smiled at him. 'Shut up, you're disgusting.' Said Kakarot as he rolled on by.

The slope was steepening and the speed at which he was descending was steadily increasing. He didn't laugh as he increased his pace of walking, for he had long ago come to regard laughter as unnecessary. Whenever his feet began to lose their pace, he would leap into the air forward and catch himself on the log as it continued its spiraling momentum to nowhere in particular.

When it eventually came to a halt near the place in which he lived, he leaped off it and began to train himself in martial arts. His method? Hurling the section of log high into the air, then leaping towards it to meet it as it began to descend. With a single strike, he split it into dozens of small pieces of firewood, perfect for driving off the cold when winter came and the snows blew in from the north.

He said nothing to mark the occasion, for there was no purpose in it.

Little did Kakarot know, but even at that moment a visitor was approaching his remote mountainside home. His life was about to change...

* * *

Radical. Totally radical.

Bulma Briefs sped along the roadside, driving her car at the enlightened age of sixteen when you know everything about what you want out of life and will never regret every whim you followed through on without hesitation. She continued driving along the roads which were badly in need of safety rails, until it bored her. She tried listening to music, until it galled her. Finally she pulled the car to a halt and got out, taking in the fresh mountain air to gaze upon the land beneath her.

She stretched her legs, and her arms. Then after a moment she drew out her Dragon Radar, and it a single button to zoom out. 'Lets see here, oh yes, there it is. Your as good as mine you little jewel.'

She got back into her car and continued her journey. Having a drivers license at the age of sixteen was a truly awesome experience.

* * *

The shrine in which Kakarot dwelled was large for him, but it had never seemed more empty than today. Perhaps that was why he never entered it, save to sleep and occasionally polish the keepsake that remained to him from his Master. A single, perfectly round jewel, orange with four red stars in the center. He did not know what, if anything, it was for, but he had always had a sense of power when in its presence.

'I'm going to go kill something to eat.' muttered Kakarot as he put on his power pole, a short red pole about two thirds as long as he was tall. 'I don't expect any thieves will arrive in the time I'm gone. I should be so lucky.'

As he turned away from the ball, however, it shone and gleamed, and Kakarot turned in surprise to look at it again. 'Thats odd, the gem has never shone like that before.' What had happened? What did it mean? Whatever its significance, the odd state of the ball had obviously waned. 'Whatever, I'm going to go get some fish.'

Fish. The choice of game had been entirely arbitrary, and he decided that he would follow through with it for lack of a better option. He rushed through the forests, leaping over a trench, and stepping over roots while ducking below low branches to make his way to the river. On a whim he changed his direction and swung on a vine to reach an apple tree which he knew grew nearby. Eating of its fruit, he hung off of a tree with his tail as he munched it.

Absently he wished a lion would approach and try to eat him. That would provide him some action, and give him a chance to eat lion. He hadn't eaten lion in awhile, mostly because he suspected he had driven most of the predators out of this section of the forest.

He tossed away the core of the apple he had finished devouring, before grabbing another one. At that moment, a blur of orange fur appeared out of nowhere and came at him. He spun round from the top of the branch and let the creature fly over him. 'A sabretooth tiger! I may see excitement ere this hunting trip is over yet!'

Landing on the ground, he drew out his power pole, dodged aside from the tigers lunge, and slammed it on the back of the neck. There was a crack, and the beach lay still. 'Well there's my meat for the day. A bit lean, but I'll take it.'

Grasping the tiger by the tale, he began to drag its body back to home. As he walked, he reflected to himself: 'I have surely exceeded Master Gohan by now. Yet how can I be sure? It is a matter I shall have to contemplate, and for Kami's sake! What is that noise?'

At that moment a sqaure metal monster came rushing over the hill and around the bend. There was a hoarse shriek, and even as Kakarot sought to move out of the way of the beasts charge he was hit by the metal monster, which was moving faster than anything he had run into that was not Gohan. It sent him sprawling to crash down onto the dirt, and his fish spun off the cliff to land with a crash. He rose up in a fury.

'Gah, is he dead?' asked a whining voice which annoyed him. 'Your alright?'

Kakarot was not one much inclined for pre battle chatter. 'Power pole extend!' he roared.

And then he slew the dragon, or whatever the HFIL it was. He knocked it from its leg equivelents, smashing its blue glass part in the process. He brought the power pole up and smashed it again with another strike. His eyes going red, he raised his pole again-

 _'Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!'_

At this point Kakarot was hit in the face with a series of small pieces of metal which sent him sprawling to the ground. He rubbed his forhead, and glanced up. 'What the HFIL was that?!'

'You... you shouldn't be alive kid!'

'Your pathetic weapons are useless!' snarled Kakarot as he rose up in fury. 'Now I will end your pathetic monster existence, and restore order to the Forest.' A touch heroic for his tastes, but he'd take it.

'Hold on, I'm not a monster! I'm a human just like you are!'

Kakarot paused. Human, was that the species which he had been designated as, or was it the species which Master Gohan had been. Whatever it was he gave pause to his plans for monster destruction, pending and official investigation of what had just happened.

'You mean to say that you are not, in fact, a monster.' he surmised tenatively.

Emerging from the corpse of the metal monstrousity he had just slain, was something he had never seen before. It was like Gohan and Kakarot, in the sense that it had four hairless limbs, and peach colored skin, but the similarities ended there. For one thing it was much slimmer, and fragile looking than Gohan or Kakarot, although it was taller than Kakarot by some feet. It was holding a metal object which it had apparently used before to project said small piece of metal. This was quite out of the ordinary for Kakarot.

'Well yeah, you can see that for yourself kid, can't you?' she raised her hands as though that would provide some kind of illumination. Given that there was only one known species which Kakarot had encountered with hands of that type, however, it actually did. 'Look, I won't bite.'

Kakarot leapt back as she advanced, still suspicious. 'A human, you say?'

'Thats right, do I have to show you my birth certificate?'

'That won't be necassary.' said Kakarot as he gradually edged around her, examining her formk with suspicion. 'You look human enough, but your different somehow.'

'I'm a girl silly.' said Bulma, correcting him.

'I see. So thats what you are.' he had never, as a point of fact, encountered a girl before now.

'Oh my gosh, are you saying you've never seen a girl before.'

'You catch on quick.' said Kakarot 'Besides my Master, you are the only human being I've ever encountered. He instructed me that if I were to encounter a girl I should be polite, and not attempt to kill them.'

'Uh... your Master seems to have a firm grasp of the obvious.' said the Girl somewhat unsteadily. 'Is he around here, kid?'

'Oh, he died a long time ago.' said Kakarot, getting a closer look at the Girl lower down, and moving aside certain obstructive elements.

She slapped his power pole away and turned on him. 'Shame on you, what do you think your doing?'

'I was just checking to see if you had a tail.' said Kakarot. 'However it is possible that females of our species get them later.'

* * *

Bulma Briefs was entirely taken aback by this strange wild child. And more than a little unnerved. He had a cynical, analyzing manner with which he observed her, and she didn't like it. 'I'm sure it'll sprout up any time now kid.' Was what she said, but what she though was: _'What a weirdo.'_

'How did you convince that monster to do your bidding?' asked the Boy.

'Thats not a monster, kid.' said Bulma 'Thats a car.'

The boy leapt atop the totaled window, and looked over the car curiously. 'So this is a car. My Master spoke of such things between our lessons. This is the first time I've seen one.'

'You know for a little kid your really strong.' commented Bulma, remembering the force of the collision as the car had been knocked over.

'Thank you.' said the boy 'My training has given me power akin to steel. Are you from one of the cities I have heard spoken of?'

'You got it.' said Bulma as he leapt down.

This was exactly what Kakarot wanted to hear. He moved back to his dead Sabretoothed Tiger and picked it up again. 'Follow me, I will provide shelter and a meal if you do so. Then we may speak of your city, its people and its defenses.'

'Hang on a sec kid.'

Bulma drew out her dragon radar and looked at it. From the looks of things the Dragonball she was seeking was right down the road. Which meant that it was probably in the possession of this kid.

She looked at the sabretooth tiger and shuddered. 'So it looks as though we're having... tiger for lunch. So whats on the agenda?'

'We can have a meal together, then speak of various matters.' said the boy. 'Then, if you are so inclined you may observe me in my excercises. I am something of a martial artist.'

'If you think we're going to do anything improper you can forget it.' clarified Bulma quickly.

'Oh by all matters the thought never crossed my mind.' stated Kakarot, before beginning to drag his tiger off.

'And what is that supposed to mean?' asked Bulma as she followed, mortally offended, even though she did not believe a word of it.

'Just what I said.'

For a time they walked in silence. However there is only so long one can stare at a dead sabretooth tiger before one wants to ask questions. 'So kid, do you have a name?'

'My name is Kakarot, and I'm not from this planet. What is yours?'

'Uh, my name?' she remained silent for a moment. 'Bulma.' He didn't laugh, in fact he didn't seem to find it even remotely amusing. Just continued walking without any further statements. 'Hey, what is that about you being from another planet?'

'I'm sorry, do you reveal your deepest darkest secrets to complete strangers?'

'Uh... no.'

'Then why are you asking me questions you don't expect to get the answers to? Nice name by the way.'

'Hey, Bulma happens to be quite elegant! Its a lot better than Kakarot thats for sure.'

Finally they came to the house of which he had been speaking. It was green roofed, with red brick walls and a blue door. It was, for lack of a better word, quaint. 'Thats a nice little place you have there kid.' said Bulma.

'I inherited it from my Master.' he explained quickly. 'One moment.'

Kakarot rushed through the doors, and opened them inward. He halted in surprise. Bulma walked forward to where he was standing. Within the house, Bulma could see a thesaurus which looked as though it had been read until its bindings were barely holding on. 'Do you hear that?' he asked. 'Its reacting again.'

'I don't hear anything-' Began Bulma, before halting. For beyond the doors on a table at the far wall lay a Dragonball. It had four stars and was glowing bright orange. 'Oh my goodness! Its a Dragonball!' She shoved Kakarot aside, and grasped the gem to look at it.

'Hey, give me my Masters sacred jewel back now!' snarled Kakarot, getting close.

'You mean this...'

He snatched it away. 'Precisely. This is all I have to remember him by. Nobody can touch it but me.' He looked down at where it was gleaming. 'Why is it reacting this way? It never has before.'

'Well it might be because I have two just like it.' said Bulma, reaching into her bag, and removing a five star ball and a two star ball.

'You have two sacred Jewels?' he asked, sounding incredulous.

'Their not sacred jewels.' she said 'Not exactly anyway. Their called dragonballs.'

'Are you certain?'

'Definitely, I'm positive.' she replied 'Your ball started glowing because it was reacting to the two that I have.' She placed them down on the table. 'See, put yours next to these.'

'...Very well.' said Kakarot, hesitantly placing his Four Star Ball next to the others. Immidiatly the balls began glowing before them, and Bulma took one up as an odd chiming sound echoed.

'Yeah, these things have the power to do great things.' Bulma paused. 'And not so great. Lets just see if a bad person got ahold of these balls, he could really wreak some havoc.'

'And what precisely do they do?'

'Are you sure you want to know?' Bulma asked, faintly amused.

'I asked, didn't I?'

'Okay...' Said Bulma, and then she told him the story.

* * *

In another place entirely, a door opened, illuminating a realm of darkness with dark armor made by ancient warriors. Into the room stepped three figures, a black clad woman with dark hair, an anthropormorphic dog in a ninja suit of violet which was still more practical than orange. And a blue skinned diminitive imp like thing dressed in colorful garb.

'Wow,' said the dog 'its dark in there isn't it?'

'Shut up Shu.' said Pilaf, the imp like creature as he moved forward. Pilaf, or Emperor Pilaf as he preferred to be called, was in fact a distant relative of Garlic Junior, who does not come into this tale. However unlike Garlic Junior, who was enourmously powerful, dangerous and cunning Pilaf, shall we say, had fewer personal resources. Even so he was smart enough to find a dragonball and pick it up off of the cushion it had been placed.

'Come to Emperor Pilaf my precious yes...' It was at this moment that a suit of Armor fell down on top of him and he struggled with the decayed corpse in armor. 'Get off of me, you bonehead!' he snapped, before shoving it off.

There was a long, awkward silence.

'Well enough of that,' said Pilaf 'I'm ready to make my wish.'

'Sir,' said Mai, the woman. 'I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you can't make a wish with just one ball. You have to have all of the others as well.' Mai and her compatriot Shu had considered working for the Red Ribbon Army. Then they noted the tendency for employees of the Red Ribbon Army to die horribly after one minor mishap. After that they sought alternative sources of employment. Thus, Pilaf. 'There are seven Dragonballs Sire. You have to unite all seven of them before the Dragon will appear and grant your wish.'

'More searching...' murmured Pilaf sadly.

'But just imagine, dear Emperor, that glorious day when the Seven Magic Balls are finally brought together. A brilliant surge of energy will light the sky, and in a blaze of glory the Dragon will arise for the sole purpose of granting you a single wish. Whatever it may be.'

'Yes... yes... I can see it.' said Pilaf 'I guess I can handle a little more searching.' Then, joy of joys, he started laughing to himself. 'Any wish I want, huh? I wish to rule the entire world!' Mai sighed inwardly. What with the Red Ribbon Army absorbing all the other para military forces, there were no other non murderous bosses in town.

He held the Dragonball aloft in a pose that might have been striking, if Emperor Pilaf was in any way impressive looking. Which he wasn't.

* * *

As a matter of fact, far away, Kakarot was far more impressive looking as he looked at his Four Star Dragonball.

'That sounds like a **_very_** interesting power.' said Kakarot with a smile that was more than a little disturbing. It was the sort of smile which one gets when one plans to do something extremely unpleasant, and personally satisfying. 'So just to confirm, you can wish for **_anything?'_**

'Uh... yes.' said Bulma, having a slightly bad feeling about this.

'My Master never told me any of this.' reflected Kakarot ruefully. 'Now I know why.'

'He may not have known about it Kakarot, few people do.' said Bulma 'The truth is that you and I are some of the few people in the world that even know about the dragonballs or the dragon.'

'Don't mix up mine with yours.' said Kakarot, looking like a cornered wolf.

'Don't worry, thats impossible.' said Bulma 'Each one has a different number of stars on it. See, yours has four, and mine has five.'

'I see.'

'Now your catching on.' said Bulma in a congratulatory tone as she stood. 'I can't believe that I already have three of the Balls! If I keep this up, I'll be able to wish for a Boyfriend before the end of the month!'

'I'm going with you.' said Kakarot.

'What?' said Bulma.

'I said I'm going with you.' repeated Kakarot 'Since I am supposed to be polite to woman, its only polite of you to state that this area can be extremely dangerous for people. There are predators and all manner of other creatures that would jump at the chance to devour you.'

'P-Predators?' stammered Bulma.

'Oh yes. Pterodactyl's, tigers, even pigs can be dangerous if pushed to it.' Continued Kakarot quite casually. 'Then there are bandits, and thats not even getting into some of the other dangers you'd probably face. Quite frankly its a miracle you went as far as you did without being attacked.'

'Uh... yeah, quite a miracle.' agreed Bulma. 'Look I think I can handle myself.'

'Well of course your sure of yourself.' said Kakarot 'However I don't feel I can in good conscience allow one as lovely as yourself to begin hunting Dragonballs without some kind of bodyguard.'

'Actually... that doesn't sound like half a bad idea.' said Bulma 'Okay, sure, you can come.'

 _'This kids kind of creepy,'_ she thought privately. _'but he'll make a great bodyguard until I make my wish. I'll wish for the most perfect boyfriend who ever lived!'_ Yes Bulma felt perfectly justified in utilizing the untold powers of a limitless wish to get herself a boyfriend. Thanks for asking.

And just like that they began their journey. 'Well here we go!' said Bulma to herself, as much as to Kakarot. 'The start of a great adventure!'

It was only once they had gotten perhaps five hundred feet away from the house that Kakarot spoke up. 'Out of curiousity how do you intend to start looking? These Dragonballs could be anywhere.'

Bulma took this opportunity to feel exceptionally smug. 'Just who do you think your dealing with here, kid? I'm no amateur.' she removed her dragon radar. 'Look check it out.' Kakarot gazed at the device which interest and she continued. 'Its a special radar which tracks the Dragonballs. See these three dots, these are the Dragonballs that we have. And these dots scattered around are the other balls.

From the looks of things the closest balls is about seven hundred and fifty miles to the west.'

'These numbers mean nothing to me.' said Kakarot 'Put it in terms I may understand.'

'Its out of our walking distance.' said Bulma with a sigh 'And since you trashed my car, we'll be needing a new set of wheels. Then, removing her dino caps, she tossed one of them towards the ground. There was a poof of smoke, and a two seat motorcycle appeared.

'Are you some manner of sorceress?' asked Kakarot, sounding impressed.

'No, its just dino caps.' said Bulma as she got onto the drivers seat. 'Everyone in the City has them. Hop on.'

Somewhat reluctantly, Kakarot complied. 'I am on.'

'Great, here we go!'

And then Bulma gunned the engines and they zoomed off, far faster than Kakarot was capable of running on his own. He wondered if anyone was able to run faster than they were going, for the world seemed to rush by without halt. They zoomed out from under a monkey who was eating from an Apple, and continued onward. They made good time as they went onwards, until some hours onward, Bulma quite abruptly rushed over a hill at such a velocity that they were stuck in midair, flying towards the ground.

They landed, and Bulma pulled to a halt.

'You don't seem to be in very much control of this thing, Bulma.' noted Kakarot, who was confident he could have survived the fall, but not confident she could have.

'I'm fine.' she said as she got off. 'I need to make a pit stop. Stay right here.'

'I think I should go with you-' he began.

'Stay right here you pervert!' she shouted, before rushing off.

Kakarot sighed as all his warnings proved for naught, and began to count for the benefit of any omnipresent observers. 'Five, four, three, two-'

'Kakarot! Get over here!' Bulma screamed in horror.

'Right on schedule. Well I'd better go take care of this.' said Kakarot as he made his way around the rock. Seeing Bulma in the grip of a massive pterodactyl, he planted his feet, and removed his power pole.

'Power power extend.' he said with a sigh, before smashing the creatures neck without a word. The beast fell dead, as Bulma landed on the ground. 'Finish up, and get back to the car.' He said, before marching away.

Kakarot was surrounded by idiots.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

And this is my first Dragonball Fanfic, set under Dragonball Z because it includes data that is only revealed there. In this fanfic, Goku never loses his identity as Kakarot, and so is not the nice but dumb individual which he was in the original. However he was still nurtured by a good man, and given that he had a power level of two, I'm inclined to think that a Goku who never loses his memories wouldn't necassarily be a complete monster. For one thing an evil Goku just wouldn't be able to survive against the various good guys of the world, since what made him strong was the training he got from good guys.

The fact is that in no circumstances was Raditz going to arrive on a destroyed Earth, since King Piccolo would have taken his sweet time destroying the place, and Goku simply doesn't have the natural power level to play a villain in Dragonball Z. At best an evil Goku would give Master Roshi a bit of trouble before he was killed.

Which is really kind of the point. Either Saiyans are inherantly evil, and the bump on the head caused his mind to change completely, or all Saiyan children are brainwashed. Given the content of the filler episode with the False Moon, I'm going to assume that the Saiyan Government brainwashed its children on route to their planets.

Thus Kakarot is still brainwashed into an evil nature by his ship, but its effects are dimmed by a combination of pragmatism {being too weak to achieve his supposed goal.} and his good enviroment.

As for his intentions regarding Bulma, I'll leave that for later.

This chapter more or less represents the first episode of Dragonball. I kept the whole thing because I felt it was really important in establishing character relationships. Kakarot is not the naive and optimistic youth that Goku was, and Bulma's relationship with him is changed as a result.

Hope you enjoyed it, I'll try to pick up the pace next time.

 **EDIT:**

Corrected a bunch of errors in the text, as well as changing a few accidental Goku's to Kakarot's.


	2. The Turtle

**Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs:**

 **Chapter Two: The Emperor's Quest**

Traveling with Bulma was not nearly so high maintenance after the first incident. For one thing, she was fairly careful about how she conducted herself when taking pit stops afterward. For another thing, she proved to be halfways tolerable as far as companions went, relatively intelligent and fairly in shape.

As they zoomed onward upon a motorcycle, there were no new dangerous encounters. Even so, as they moved onward and Kakarot clung to her back, leaning slightly to one side to watch the road go by, he began to feel hungry. He found that he had to eat a great deal, and he didn't understand why. It was just part of who he was.

They raced over a bridge and past a series of trees. Something, however, caught Kakarots eye.

'Halt the machine, Bulma. I think I saw a snake on the side of the road.' said Kakarot 'That should suffice until dinner.'

'Yeah, about that Kakarot, if you don't want to gross people out you need to stop eating things like that.' said Bulma.

'Are you certain?' he asked. 'It seems like such a practical source of food.'

'Mmhmm.' affirmed Bulma.

There was a long silence, broken only by the whirring of the motorcycle.

'What of lizards?' he asked after a moment.

'No, eating lizards is just as nasty, kid. You're just going to have to toughen up.' Kakarot politely refrained from mentioning just what he thought of her assertions that he needed to toughen up.

After several more hours of endless travel, they finally pulled to a halt in a clearing, flanked by rocks and trees. Kakarot leaped off of the bike, thinking to himself. 'We shall rest here tonight. I'll start a fire.'

'There's no need to live out on the ground like savages.' said Bulma from her motorcycle 'My Dino Caps have us covered.'

'You can create tents from those things too?' asked Kakarot, sounding impressed in a banner which made Bulma feel particularly smug.

'Not exactly.' she said with a smile as she got off the Motorcycle.

'My Master didn't like magic.' continued Kakarot 'He believed one should only use it to help someone. I am... unsure of the matter myself.'

'Well I am going to use them to help someone, silly.' said Bulma, getting off the motorcycle. 'She's pretty and has blue hair.' Then she hit the button on the Dino Cap, before hurling it away to land on the ground. There was a flash, and rising smoke all around them and when it settled standing on the previously empty space was a white house with a chimney and windows. It was round shaped, and one story, and had skylights atop it. 'Now that looks cozy.' She walked forward and turned round. 'Come on Kakarot.'

Kakarot stared at what had just appeared before him in shock. How had this happened? Who was to blame? Oh certainly there were probably some people more responsible than others, and they would be held accountable, but if he was looking for a monster he had apparently just found one.

He leapt forward, drawing out his power pole. 'Step back from its mouth, fool! Don't you remember last time?! I'll deal with this monster!'

'Thats truly noble of you.' said Bulma, as she pressed the open switch and entered. 'But it's not a monster Kakarot, it's a house.'

Kakarot followed behind her, and was awed as she hit a switch and the lights turned on. 'Bulma, how did you make it light when it is still dark outside?' Was she some kind of sorcerer? Well that was obvious, since she was creating things out of thin air.

'Chill out would ya?' said Bulma as she set her bag down on the table. 'It's a little thing we call electricity. Were you transported from the stone age, or what?'

'Actually I was transported from a dying world as my Father made his final stand against unimaginable forces of evil.' said Kakarot, voice slightly dazed as his mind flickered to his first memories. 'But that works too.' He was gazing around him with a starstruck look in his eyes. 'This is amazing.'

Bulma smiled despite herself, for even though Kakarot was incredibly weird, he looked oddly adorable as he gazed over the room. She picked up a remote and switched on the television. At once a pop star appeared on screen, playing music, and Kakarot leaped back. 'So you are imprisoning the souls of musicians inside glass boxes for your own amusement now? You really are a witch.'

Bulma changed the channel, ignoring him. It now appeared on a romantic movie, which she had never gotten the chance to see the end of. A man was talking to a woman.

'Mira, I love you!' said the Man.

'Kiss me you fool!' said the Woman.

Bulma found herself spellbound and transfixed by the movie, as their lips got closer and closer together. Kakarot found the spell quite broken, and looked up to where Bulma practically had hearts in her eyes. He felt some disgust at that.

'Oh Chad, I've waited so long for this!'

'I'll love you forever my darling!'

Kakarot grabbed the remote out of her hands.

'One little kiss...' said Bulma 'One little kiss... almost there...'

Even as it reached the moment of climax, however, the screen abruptly shifted to a giant monster breathing fire at the screen. Bulma shrieked in surprise and fell backward to land with a crash. Kakarot laughed, a dark mocking laugh that was far too evil for one of his stature, though he didn't seem to hold any malice in it.

He stopped. 'Why are you drooling?'

Bulma realized that she had begun to salivate as she watched the show. She wiped it away with her hand quickly. 'Now I'm embarassed.' She stood up, suddenly becoming aware in the close quarters of a particular stench. 'Hey, what's that smell? Kakarot, you need a bath!'

'If you are planning to imprison me within one of those glass boxes as well then you will not find me easy prey!' proclaimed Kakarot boastfully.

'I can't believe you don't know what a bath is!' snapped Bulma 'I... I guess I've got to show you.'

Kakarot was taken into a side room, and there disrobed as instructed. During this period, Bulma tossed a towl at him, and he caught it. 'We civilized people call that a towl. Now lets get this over with. Hop in.'

Reluctantly Kakarot made his way over to the yellow tub, holding his towel. The tub was empty. 'So this is a bath?' Was this some manner of ritual device by which one was cursed to inhabit a glass cage?

'Look at you!' snapped Bulma 'You're supposed to cover up the front!'

Perplexed, Kakarot raised the towel to cover his face. 'Like this?'

Bulma hmmmed in frustration.

* * *

That more or less set the tone for the rest of the situation. Once Kakarot entered the bath, Bulma began rubbing some fluffy white stuff into his hair which burned his eyes. 'So what is the purpose of this stuff?'

'It's called shampoo.' said Bulma. 'And I'm putting it in your hair to clean it. I don't do this very often, you know. You should consider yourself lucky, no wonder your hair stands up its never been washed.' She turned a knob, and water poured down from the faucet above him, splashing through the shampoo and sending its suds filtering down into the drain.

'There, thats better. What in the world? Whoa!'

Then she grabbed his tail.

'How does this thing stay on, kid. I thought it was attached to your pants. What, do you superglue it to your skin.'

And then she began to tug on it.

'Ow! Unhand me, fool! That hurts!'

'I'm trying to wash your back properly.' replied Bulma.

'I can wash my own back!' snapped Kakarot, before his tail lashed out and snapped the scrubber from her hands, before he began scrubbing himself. Bulma, in the meantime, began having what appeared to be some kind of hyperventilating fit.

'No... no way it... it moves...' she stammered. 'That means its... its... REAL!'

Later in the bedroom, Bulma was still reeling from the revelation. 'Kakarot, what do you have a tail growing?'

'Well I don't really know why.' admitted Kakarot. 'I presume that all males have them. It's no big deal. It's just the way we are.'

 _'Maybe he's right?'_ thought Bulma _'I've never actually seen a boy take a bath before. Maybe they just keep them tucked into their pants or something. How bizarre.'_

'I can't believe I'm a teenager and I'm just now finding out...' said Bulma.

'Well I suppose I shouldn't say all males.' said Kakarot 'My Master didn't have one.'

'So normal men don't have tails or your Master wouldn't have had one!' declared Bulma.

'But my master was a victor of many battles, so maybe he lost it. Or perhaps he was just odd.'

'Your the one whose odd!' declared Bulma, who seemed to be in the midst of some kind of personal crisis.' As Kakarot had been speaking he had gotten dressed back into his violet gi. 'So then a bath _**isn't**_ some kind of curse.'

'I need a bath.' decided Bulma, before walking past him across the house to the bathroom.

Her bath was extremely relaxing and she didn't see anything more of him until dinner, after she had finished blow-drying her hair and brushing it. Eventually, when both of them were hungry enough, they made a meal of bread and coffee which Kakarot looked at somewhat doubtfully. 'This bread is tasteless.' he noted 'And the soup is bitter.'

'Thats not soup, Kakarot, its coffee.' said Bulma 'And how do you expect to grow up big and strong if you don't eat right?'

'Excellent point.' he agreed, standing up and grabbing his power pole.

'Where are you going?'

'I'm going to go get something to eat.' said Kakarot. 'I'll bring you back something.'

'Just be careful.' said Bulma 'Or you might end up being food yourself.'

* * *

A wolf howled over the wilderness, as a metal flying thing zoomed over the sky above. Night had fallen in full, and now the predators hunted in darkness, while sensible prey were in their holes. It was a crescent moon that night, and it was ominously yellow overhead.

As Kakarot wandered the wild lands outside of the newly created house, seeking food for a proper dinner. As he did so he wondered if Witchcraft was part of the reason why this Planet was supposed to be exterminated. It would certainly explain much, though why precisely the ability to create and destroy from thin air was bad was... unclear. On the other hand, the imprisoning of souls within glass boxes was quite a bit worse, and he could certainly understand why someone would want the world dead for that practice.

But then it might just be unique to Bulma.

Kakarot leaped from place to place, tree to tree, and finally landed on the ground with a deft bending of the knees. 'Well, this has been an unproductive hunt. One centipede is barely enough for one person, much less two.'

It was at that moment that he heard an ungodly humming noise. Glancing up, he saw a bird of truly massive size flying overhead. 'A bird. Excellent, that will do nicely.'

He raced after it, following its flight into a deep valley where it went in for a landing. The valley was filled with skulls of many animals, particularly wolves, and as Kakarot made his way through the bones he saw the bird. He also saw two figures waiting near the bird. One was a woman, dressed all in a black uniform. The other was a dog with a violet gi. They were heading towards the bird! Kakarot quickened his pace and leaped before them, centipede in hand.

'The kid likes to jump.' noted the dog thing.

'He's a hopper alright.' decided the woman. 'Beat it kid, before you get hurt.'

'I'm not going anywhere.' he said 'Thats my bird, I saw it first and I'm going to eat it.' He motioned to the metal device.

'What in the world is he talking about?' the dog feigned ignorance.

'Beats me.' Said the Woman 'Kid, I think I hear your mommy calling.'

At that moment there was a red gleam in the cave behind them. Yellow eyed wolves emerged out into the light of the moon, snarling and drooling as the Woman and Dog shuddered in fear. 'Those lights weren't dragonballs!' Realized the Dog aloud, catching Kakarots interest.

 _'Then there are others seeking the Dragonballs.'_

'No kidding.' said the woman.

'This has worked out perfectly.' decided Kakarot for two entirely different reasons. 'Now there is enough for all of us.'

And then the Wolves were upon them. Throwing aside his Centipede, Kakarot punched out the first Wolf, before leaping into the air and dropkicking another. With flurries of swipes, he defeated several more, laughing as he ddi so, for it had been a long time since he felt the love of battle. The Woman and the Dog, meanwhile, were running from the Wolves smart enough to seek easier prey.

Drawing his pole, Goku beat back a second charge by the Wolves with ease, until at last the Wolves hesitated to go after him. Then the humming returned to his ears, and Kakarot looked up in shock. The Bird was flying away. 'My bird is escaping! Curses!'

He ran, and as he did so a multitude of Wolves leaped onto him, crushing him in a mass of limbs as he vaulted upon his powerpole. 'Powerpole extend!' he cried, before launching himself into the air, shaking off the wolves as he did so to soar after the Bird which was making its escape. Then he kicked it in midair.

The force of it sent the bird reeling and spinning away to land with a crash on the ground below, smoking already. Kakarot's mouth watered.

It was only once he got close enough to tap it with a stick that he realized the Bird was rock hard, and far too tough for anyone to eat. 'Wonderful, another wasted expidition.' he glanced up and wondered why the woman and dog from before were hanging from the nearby tree branches. 'Probably not important.'

Fortunately the expidition did not prove entirely wasted, though what he gained was perhaps different from what he expected. Kakarot was in a fairly good mood when he got back to the House, carrying a wolf and a Centipede, possibly the best mood he'd been in in years for reasons he did not fully understand.

He knocked on the door.

Meanwhile, Bulma had been busy reading clothing magazines and trying to keep herself from worrying over a certain spiky haired kid. There was a knock at the door. 'Well, I'll be darned. He's alive after all.' She opened the door and saw Goku smiling with the body of a bright red centipede in his right hand.

'If you think this appetizer looks good, you should take a look at the main course.' And he revealed the corpse of a wolf, hung off of his staff.

Bulma screamed and shut the door.

* * *

In the end Kakarot ended up having to eat the entire meal himself. Not that he was objecting, but it was more than a little disappointing. Further disappointing was when Bulma told him quite bluntly that she expected him to sleep on the floor. He'd liked the bed, for it was soft, but he did not object because it is not wise to anger a Witch or Wizard. Could females be Wizards?

'Hey Kakarot,' said Bulma 'if your Master raised you all by himself, what happened to your parents?'

'My mother... I never knew my mother.' he admitted, feeling a chink in his voice. 'My Father died though. A long time ago. When I was still only a baby.'

'Oh,' said Bulma 'I'm sorry.'

Kakarot was not the sort of person to cry, but he felt a stab of emotion at that. 'Yes, well, I don't really remember much of him. Only his voice. He said something to me, and I didn't know how to answer. My master found me when I was only a baby, so he picked me up and took me to his home. He taught me discipline, restraint, and something of honor as well. Though the last part didn't really rub off much.'

'Yeah, well...' Bulma was obviously trying to change the subject. 'did you know you don't have to keep a tail just because you were born with one? Some dogs actually get their tails cut off while their still small.'

'Why would you let them do that to you Bulma. You could have just used your Witch magic...'

'I'm not talking about me lame brain! I never had a tail! And I'm not a Witch!' roared Bulma, before she halted. For Kakarot was already asleep. She fumed for a moment. _'I'm starting to believe this kid when he says he's from another planet.'_

* * *

The next morning Kakarot awoke far earlier than Bulma, and during this time he learned some rather interesting facts about the female gender while Bulma was sleeping. Quickly he leaped off the bed, somewhat disturbed by recent revelations. Feeling particularly mean spirited, and more than a little childish, he went over to where Bulma was storing her Dragonballs. 'Bulma!' he shouted 'Your dragonballs are gone!'

And across the room, as Kakarot made that statement, even in the depths of her own dreams Bulma was shaken, and she arose from her bed with a terrible cry. Bulma was suddenly aware of him, and she raced across the room to the table upon which the balls had been set, and the magnitude of her own folly was revealed to her in a blinding flash, and the deception of her traveling companion was at last laid bare. Then Bulma's wrath blazed in consuming flame, but her self-control rose to choke her anger. 'Kakarot, that's not funny.'

Kakarot laughed aloud. 'You should see the look on your face! Now, let's start getting ready to travel. We have work to do.'

Bulma clenched the side of the bag. Then turned and walked away without a word. The morning after that passed slowly, as Bulma dallied with her hair, combing it and straightening it endlessly without regard to the waning of the early day. For his part, Kakarot became increasingly impatient. 'How long is this going to take?' he asked as he figited on the floor.

'Look nobody asked for your commentary.' said Bulma flatly as she continued. 'Besides, you didn't have to wake us up at this insane hour!' She removed the brush and turned to Kakarot who began gazing at the coffee maker. 'Early birds, you can have your nasty old worm!'

'Well you're moving so slow I wouldn't be surprised if you turned into a turtle.' muttered Kakarot.

'Kakarot you can go out in public with your hair sticking out in every direction if you like, but not me.' proclaimed Bulma flatly as she approached. Taking up the coffee pot, she poured herself a glass. 'Would you like to have coffee with me?'

'Nah, it doesn't taste good and it makes me feel funny.' said Kakarot. 'I'm going to go train.'

Having had his fill of conversation for the morning, he departed the Witch House and took a deep breath in the early morning light, before beginning his daily routine of training. Said training routine consisted of breaking various extremely large rocks and boulders in the vacinity of the house. The first resisted his efforts for a time before cracking and breaking into pieces. Satisfied he moved onto the second and began to squeeze.

'Uhh!' said a slow voice.

Startled Kakarot stared to see, looking past the edge of a rock, a turtle head. Shocked he stumbled backward and dropped the Turtle which landed with a crash on the ground.

'Thats a new pain...' the Turtle murmured.

'...I believe this is the part where I say I told you so.' said Kakarot to the now transformed Bulma. 'It serves you right for using Witchcraft Bulma.' He approached. 'This kind of changes out plans a bit doesn't it?'

'I'm not a Witch!' called Bulma as she looked out the door. 'And who are you talking to out there anyway?' Then she saw the Turtle. 'Hmm?'

'I thought he was you.' explained Kakarot.

'Wha?' said Bulma 'A Tortoise shouldn't be living around here. Aren't you supposed to be living by the sea?'

'Yeah, and I'm very concerned about being so far from home.' explained the Turtle. 'By the way, do you have any salt water?'

'Sure.' said Bulma 'We'll fix you right up.'

She went inside and returned a few minutes later with a pail filled with water. The Tortoise drank of it thirstily, then looked up again. 'Good seawater. Aromatic, yet fullbodied.'

'Yeah, I think it's an 87.' said Bulma.

'Nope, 86.' corrected the Turtle.

'Really? Are you sure?'

The Turtle nodded. 'I know my water.'

'So what are you doing here?' asked Bulma at last.

'Well to make a long story incredibly short, it's simple I'm lost.' said the Turtle. 'I've been trying to find my way back to the sea for over a year now.'

'Thats so sad.' said Bulma 'And your still not anywhere near the sea. Hang on, let me go check my map. Wait here a second.'

Kakarot and the turtle awaited her return, and finally she did, carrying a book of maps. 'Bad news.' said Bulma 'Your still a hundred miles away.'

'Gosh, that'll take me twenty years.' muttered the Turtle.

'That sounds like a long time.' noted Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Bulma despondantly. 'I wish there was a way we could help you.'

Kakarot had a thought. It did not benefit him in any way, and could in fact waste a great deal of both their time, but it would probably annoy Bulma, and that was alright with him. 'You know I could probably carry you to the sea.' he said.

'Are you nuts?!' asked Bulma incredulously.

'You just said you wanted to help.' replied Kakarot.

'I didn't mean that for real.' said Bulma 'We're on an adventure, we don't have time to transport a beached turtle okay!'

'You really shouldn't wish for things you don't want.' noted Kakarot bluntly. 'As it is I'm really sick of you.'

'You're sick of me?! What do you mean by that?!'

'If we're so pressed for time why did you just spend the whole morning in front of a mirror?'

'Fine!' she snapped 'You want to go help the stupid Turtle go ahead! I can find the dragonballs by myself!'

Thus, without even really caring one way or another for the creatures fate, Kakarot picked up the Turtle and set it on his back. 'Are woman like this where you are from?'

'No.' said the Turtle. 'Most have tails.'

Thus Kakarot made his way off into the distance as Bulma made faces and cried curses to the wind. Finally when he was gone, Bulma remained where she was for a long moment. Suddenly she became aware of a red tyrannasaurus rex the size of a mountain marching in the distance. It was right about this point that Bulma became aware that she was all alone in a very dangerous place.

The world.

A scant moments later Bulma was speeding down the highway on a motorcycle, still dressed in her night dress. 'Stop!' she cried to Kakarot in the distance. 'I mean it Kakarot! Stop or I'll run you down!'

'We'd better stop, that girl scares me.' said the Turtle, and Kakarot slowed to a halt. He glanced at her.

'Careful,' he noted 'you could mess up your hair riding on that thing.'

'Knock it off!' snapped Bulma 'I decided to forgive you.' Then she rode on ahead.

'Whats the matter? Scared?'

'Scared me? Give me a break, lets just go find those Dragonballs.'

Next time we shall see if the Turtle reaches his home, and what perils they face on the way.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay! It's done!

Here is the thing about this fanfic, I was originally planning to just skim over the Dragonball episodes to get to the good bits. But then I realized that Dragonball, unlike Z, is about an _**adventure**_. Power levels are not the focus of the story, so in the end I only cut a few scenes, mostly the ones which feature Pilaf.

I have never found Pilaf remotely funny, nor does he project an aura of menace like other Dragonball Villains. So bearing these facts in mind I decided to remove his juvenile humor from the series. Actually, I removed some of the juvenile humor from Goku's story as well, albeit in a roundabout way, since unlike Pilaf, Goku is just learning about these things so the humor is part of his character development.

I kept some of Goku's original lines for Kakarot specifically because Goku can be an epic deadpan snarker when he sets his mind to it. I decided to give Kakarot a superstitious streak since the Saiyans were hardly a well-educated race. Thus he thinks Bulma is a Witch. More on that later.

Now then, about Kakarot. I am honestly not sure how much of his memory he has, or if he ever hit his head as a baby. However, having struggled with mental illness in my lifetime, I am firmly on the side of the nurture side of nature vs nurture. I do not find it unreasonable that Kakarot, after realizing much weaker he was than Gohan, might well have cooled down a bit and actually formed a bond of some kind with him. Just because he does not hit his head, does not mean that Kakarot is automatically destined for evil. There is always a choice.


	3. The Untouchable Nimbus

**Chapter Three: The Untouchable Nimbus**

The adventure continued or rather was somewhat unceremoniously dropped in favor of something more interesting to Kakarot, with Bulma having no choice but to tag along. They rushed onward through a rocky mountain pass, with Kakarot running with the turtle on his back, while Bulma kept alongside him at a slow speed.  
For his part, Kakarot was annoyed that he could not outrace the bike upon which Bulma sat astride. 'I just hope we reach the sea soon.' He said 'I'm starving.'

'You know,' said the Turtle 'this is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.'

'It's not as if we had anything better to do.' said Kakarot ruefully.

'Well I just wanted to thank you.' said the Turtle.

'Gosh, I think I'm going to cry.' said Bulma sarcastically 'Spare me, please. Just concentrate on where we're going so we can get there while we're still young!'

'Could you try leading a lifestyle which involves something other than whining?' asked Kakarot in irritation.

'Oh shut up Kakarot!' snapped Bulma, pulling to a halt. 'I'm going to check my map.' She drew it out of her motorcycles storage unit, and read it. 'Oh thank goodness! Only two more miles!'

'Excellent, it will be good to walk freely again.' said Kakarot.

'I can't wait to get back in the water.' said Turtle.

They three travelers continued onward, their spirits lifting with the news of their imminent arrival. Had they but known it, they were being observed by a massive anthropomorphic bear with a telescope. He had orange fur, a red mohawk and a scar on his right eye, which was pure white. His body was clad in armor, and at his side was a massive sword the size of three men. He licked his chops in anticipation.

'Looks like dinner is on the way.'

Even as the three of them neared him, he leaped out from behind the cliffs. 'Hold it right there!' he snarled with a laugh, towering over them. Bulma cowered, as Kakarot looked up in bemusement. 'Oh yeah! Humans give me heart burn, but I love Turtles. So look, hand it over or your dead!'

'Kakarot,' said Bulma 'you heard him, give him the Turtle quick!'

Kakarot scoffed contemptuously instead, and the Bear heard it.

'Well I guess a little heartburn never hurt anybody.' said the Bear in amusement, 'Have it your way, die if you want!'

'You idiot!' snapped Bulma 'You're going to get us killed! Give it to him!'

'Yeah, I'm going, to be honest.' said Kakarot 'I don't particularly care what either of you thinks.'

'Are you out of your freaking mind kid?!'

'I like the Turtle better than you, and if I wasn't willing to let you get chomped, I'm not going to compromise on this.'

Even as they spoke the Bear drew his sword. 'You really should have...' he said as he readied it, drool coming from his mouth. Bulma panicked and drove away some distance in the opposite direction, as Kakarot looked up to the Turtle.

'Get off me, I need to fight.'

At this moment the Bear brought the sword down doublehanded, and Kakarot leaped away. 'Yeah okay.' said the Turtle, as Kakarot threw him off.

'You think you're real cute, don't you monkey boy.' said the Bear 'You should have saved your skin while you had the chance!' And he charged him.

With a flurry of blows, he assaulted Kakarot, who moved here and there with ease, dodging and weaving his every strike, before suddenly bending his legs and leaping over the Bear's head to land easily. 'So, was some part of that display meant to make me feel threatened? Because I'm really not feeling it.'

'You've got spunk kid, too bad you have to die!' snapped the Bear as he turned around.

'Unlikely.' noted Kakarot as the Bear's sword descended. It passed through thin air, and Kakarot was nowhere to be found. The Bear looked up and saw he was standing on his sword.

'Hi.' said Kakarot.

What then ensued was perhaps one of the singularly most brutal and unnecessarily violent takedowns in history. The exact details are too unpleasant to go into here, suffice to say that at the end of it the Bear was lying with his upper half mercifully out of sight, while Kakarot stood triumphant by his prone form.

'Well, that was easy. I can't believe you were scared of this guy, Bulma.'

'...Yeah, sure...' said Bulma in a terrified voice as Kakarot approached. 'Whatever you say, kid.'

'Are you unhurt?' asked Kakarot of the Turtle.

'Yes, I'm fine. Thanks to you.' said the Turtle.

'So some creatures think you are good to eat, huh?' asked Kakarot with a menacing smile.

'Oh my my no! How disgusting! Turtle meat is tough and poisonous!' said the Turtle hurriedly. 'You'd puke.'

'I thought as much.' said Kakarot as he picked up the Turtle. 'Some people will eat anything, but not me.'

And just like that, they were off through the last of the mountains, traveling at a swift pace, until at last, they began to encounter palm trees and ferns. The ground became sandier, and they rushed onward their spirits lightening.

'There it is Kakarot!' said Bulma 'I found it!'

And though he was, by all means, a cynic and Darwinist, Kakarot found himself struck dumb by the sight of the ocean for the first time. The light gleamed off of its surface as its waves broke against the sandy beaches. Kakarot said nothing, unable to speak as he gazed on that which he had never seen before. It was a moment he would treasure forever after, long after he had seen practically everything. Some part of him would never leave this moment.

'Isn't it beautiful Kakarot?' asked Bulma.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'yes it is.' He had never in all his wildest dreams imagined that a place such as this had ever existed. The air was clear, and aside from a few birds, he could see nothing. Nothing save the sea. The sound of gulls was calling him, and he looked for them.

'I was starting to wonder if the sea was just part of my imagination.' said the Turtle 'It's been so long. Thanks for bringing me back.'

'It wasn't much of a detour.' said Kakarot 'Besides, it was fun killing that Bear.'

'Well I'd better get going.' said the Turtle as he made his way into the water.

'Sure, have fun.' said Kakarot 'You have a beautiful home, Turtle. It would be... nevermind.' He had been about to mention that it would be a shame if it were to fall into ruin, but that seemed a touch morbid.

'I would never have made it if it wasn't for you.' said the Turtle. 'Thank you.'

'Anytime.'

The Turtle made his way into the sea little by little, far faster than he had walked. Suddenly he turned around. 'Would you mind waiting here? I have a gift I'd like to bring you to repay you for all you've done for me.'

'A gift?' asked Kakarot, surprised.

'What kind of gift can a Turtle have, huh?' asked Bulma, though her voice was not unkind.

'You'll see, I'll be back soon.' said the Turtle, before making his way into the water.

'It's not a stupid shell is it?!' Called Bulma as he faded into the distance. 'Hey, hang on!' she sighed. 'He's gone.' At this point, Kakarot realized he was fairly thirsty, and reaching down cupped some of the water from the sea. 'What are you doing? I wouldn't do that if were-'

'Ick!' snarled Kakarot as he spat it out. 'This waters salty.'

'Yup.' said Bulma.

* * *

Emperor Pilaf dreamed that he sat atop a white horse, rearing beneath him. Initially, it was reluctant to serve him, but then it learned to accept him as its master. The people surrounded him and bowed. 'Hail Emperor Pilaf!' The cried 'Hail! Hail!' A crown was upon his head, and he made his way towards the Palace where he would live out his days in splendor and luxury. 'Make way for Emperor Pilaf, the Supreme Ruler of the world!'

And then he woke up, laughing. Then the door opened and Mai and Shu charged in, sweating. 'What? Did you get the dragonball?'

'Not exactly.' said Shu.

It'ss like this,' said Mai 'there was a slight problem with the information sire.'  
'And?' asked Pilaf, expectantly.

'It was bogus.' said Mai 'We were nearly killed by a huge pack of wolves!'

'And then we crashed sire!' complained Shu 'Some crazy kid, he kicked our plain! It was horrible-'

'Silence!' snapped Pilaf. 'I'm sick of your lame-brained excuses! Now get out of here and get that Dragonball if its the last thing you do! Understand!'

'Sire!' They saluted.

At that moment there was a phone call. Pilaf walked over to the phone, and raised it to his ear. 'Hello?' There was a pause. 'Whats that you say? Your kidding?! And where is it? I see, well done!' He turned round. 'Another Dragonball, we're in luck! An old hermit named Roshi has it and no ones even guarding it!'

'But... does he have any wolves?' asked Shu.

'No you dunderhead, he lives out in the middle of the sea! wolves don't go there!' said Pilaf.

'We'd better be careful.' said Mai 'It could be another false alarm.'

'Nevermind that!' snapped Pilaf 'Go get me that Dragonball!'

It was only once the two agents of Pilaf had reached the airplane that they realized that Pilaf himself was coming along with them. 'Sire?' Asked Mai in surprise. 'You've never come with us on a mission before.'

'You keep screwing up.' said Pilaf 'I can't trust you two on your own anymore.'

The three of them leaped into the plane, and opened the doors in the roof above. The Plane raised itself out of the tower, as Shu began to work the controls. 'Engaging thrusters.'

The plane zoomed onwards with great speed. 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated at all times.'

'Forget the seatbelts.' said Pilaf, whose face was pressed against the side of the glass. 'Its too narrow in here.'

'Yeah,' said Mai 'its a little stuffy.'

'Because theirs one too many in here.' said Shu.

'What did you say?' asked Pilaf.

'I said I read you loud and clear.' said Shu.

* * *

Bulma and Kakarot in the meantime, were still waiting for the turtle in a place where the sky wasn't orange. To pass the time, Bulma had begun making designs in the sand with a stick, while breathing the free air. 'Ah, I get so relaxed when I'm on the beach.' she said in a satisfied tone.

'I noticed. You haven't complained in quite some time.' said Kakarot.

Bulma let that one pass, looking up to the distance where she saw a shape approaching them. The shape looked like a man. 'Hey, whats that? Whatever it is its moving toward us.'

'Its the turtle,' said Kakarot, who had been making a sand castle complete with sculptures of little psychic fish people having their species destroyed by five giant apes. In the Future. 'and it looks like he has someone on his back.'

'Wow,' said Bulma 'it's like you have supervision or something. Pretty cool Kakarot.'

'What took you so long Turtle?' called Kakarot as they approached. 'I was beginning to think that I'd have to make a replica of the whole planet! Over here!'

'Doesn't he realized that they are the only ones on the beach?' asked the someone atop the Turtle.

'Ahoy there!' called the Turtle as they drew near. 'Sorry I kept you waiting. I had to get my Master.'

His 'Master' was an old man with red sunglasses and yellow shorts. His shirt was orange and buttoned up, and he carried a gnarled old staff in his hand. His beard was long and white as snow, and he was as bald as anyone could ever be. He looked at them with a curious countenance.

'Why hello there kids.'

'Hi, how is it going?' asked Bulma 'Welcome ashore. What a cool outfit.'

'Kids I wanted to thank you for helping my Turtle.' said Roshi.

'...I'm sorry, who are you?' asked Kakarot, having no idea what to think.

'I'm Roshi the Turtle Hermit!' proclaimed the Old Man as he stepped off the Turtles back.

'A Turtle hermit...' said Bulma, taken aback herself.

'Which one of these kids helped you?' asked Roshi.

'It's that little boy, there.' said the Turtle, and Roshi approached Kakarot.

'You are a brave little boy.' said Roshi 'I have a gift I'd like to give you as a token of my gratitude.'

'Hear that Kakarot?' asked Bulma.

Roshi turned away and walked over to the shore. Then, raising his staff skyward he called aloud. 'Come magic carpet!'

'Okay, what is a magic carpet?' asked Kakarot.

'It's a carpet you can sit on and fly anywhere you want.' explained Bulma.

'So... more Witchcraft?'

'...Sure, why not.' said Bulma. 'They're not real though. At least I don't think they are.'

Roshi had not moved, however, he seemed to be getting more than a little annoyed as time went on. The Turtle ambled up to him.

'Uh, Master, you took the Magic carpet to the cleaners.' said the Turtle.

'Hey that's right!' said Roshi 'You've got a good point there Turtle.'

'I knew it.' said Bulma 'They're not real.' She sounded more than a little disappointed.

'The other option,' said Roshi thoughtfully. 'is the flying nimbus. But am I really ready to part with it?' He seemed to come to a decision. 'Why not, if you can ride it it's yours!' Once more he raised his staff skyward. 'Come to me, flying nimbus!'

'He is... eccentric.' noted Kakarot.

'He's nuts more like.' said Bulma in irritation.

'Where is that cloud?' asked Roshi in irritation. For a moment more he stood there, and then in the distance, a small golden cloud flew over the horizon. It overshot them, then circled around to gradually spiral downwards to rest near them. Kakarot and Bulma marveled at it in surprise and wonder, for it was unlike anything they had ever seen before. 'Don't be afraid, she's as sweet as candy.'

Kakarot stared at it in surprise, walking around it with awe. 'It's amazing...' he said as he walked near to where he presumed its front was. 'Do you eat it or-'

'You don't eat it you little baboon!' snapped Roshi.

'What does this thing do?' asked Bulma.

'If you can manage to sit on this cloud it will fly you wherever you want.' Said Roshi.

'There's got to be some kind of hitch.' said Bulma 'You can't just be giving it away. Somethings wrong with it right?'

'There is nothing wrong with this cloud!' objected the Turtle Hermit in a scandalized tone.

'Can I try to ride it now?' asked Kakarot in annoyance.

'Sure.' said Roshi 'But I must warn you, you must be pure of heart to ride this cloud?' Kakarot looked up at him in surprise. 'Yup, otherwise it won't let you on it. It's picky that way.'

'That is... interesting.' said Kakarot in the voice of one who is taking notes.

'Here,' said Roshi 'let an old man show you how it's done.' And he leaped into the air to land upon the surface of the cloud. The surface promptly admitted him downwards to crash into the sand and land flat on his back. Bulma then proceeded to laugh at the misfortune of an old man who had fallen in a manner which could break the hips of some elderly.

Kakarot suddenly found himself with a set of standards and Bulma didn't meet any of them.

'You must have done something naughty.' said Turtle.

'Be quiet.' said Roshi in annoyance.

'Let me try.' said Kakarot.

He leaped through the air and touched down upon the cloud. He suddenly felt as though he were being tested, that the entirety of his mind and being was being examined. That single instant seemed to freeze in time, as he remembered with terrible clarity the mission which had been ingrained deep into his mind. He recalled the message he had received, the last thing he had heard of his Father, and tried to recall it.

Really though, he knew what the result was going to be before his feet touched the cloud. He passed through it, and landed on one knee, feeling exceptionally bitter as he did so. He had been tested, and he had failed. For perhaps the first time in years, Kakarot felt like crying.

* * *

Meanwhile, far above in another place entirely, Shu, Mai, and Pilaf made their way towards their destination. While the Ninja Dog acted as pilot as always, Mai gazed through a set of binoculars, seeking the Island of the Turtle Hermit. As she did so, Shu hummed to himself an off-tune song.

'Shut up Shu, pay attention!' snapped Pilaf in irritation as he gazed through his own set of binoculars.

'Sorry sire.' said Shu 'Is there any sign of the Island yet?'

'Negative.' said Mai professionally.

As she spoke Pilaf turned his gaze and saw a small island with a Red Roofed Pink walled house in the center. There were a number of palm trees scattered around it, but otherwise little to make it unique beyond how extraordinarily small it was. Pilaf wondered how anyone could make a living out here. Then again, he was not called a hermit for nothing.

'There it is.' he said 'Take us down Shu.'

'Right away sire.' said Shu.

They landed with a spiraling descent and came to a rest upon the beach. Mai, Pilaf, and Shu leaped out of the ship and made landfall. 'Wow,' said Mai 'nice house for a turtle hermit.'

'Yeah,' said Shu 'I wonder if he's hiring.'

'You imbecile, let's get on with it.' said Pilaf frankly. 'Get that Dragonball and don't you dare screw up!'

'Sir!' they both replied.

There was a long pause as nobody moved. Pilaf decided now was the time to take action. 'Now follow me.' Never before had there been such a spirited charge upon the screen door to an empty house, nor ever would there be in centuries. Said charge came to an abrupt halt with Pilaf as he stopped by the door and proceeded to knock.

'Telegram!' he proclaimed 'Telegram, is anybody home!'

As he shouted challenges in what was meant to be a stealth mission, Mai and Shu wondered if it was possible to resign their posts during a mission. Probably not.

Fortunately, there was no reply. 'Good,' said Pilaf, satisfied. 'the place is empty.'

There was a long, long silence as they wondered how to proceed.

'I've got a great idea!' said Shu suddenly. 'Lets just break in!'

'Break in?' asked Pilaf with a smile. 'I like your style Shu, but when you are in the presence of a brilliant mind there is seldom need for brute force.' Then he removed what appeared to be a pocketknife, only with many keylike segments. 'My universal key is just the thing for this job. We could smash right in, but hey, thats just not the way I operate.' And he fitted the key into the door. After a few moments it clicked. 'There!' He then took hold of the knob and attempted to turn it. It would not turn. He hauled on it, and tried to open it but it failed. Even setting his legs against the door frame did not allow him to open it.

'Look Emperor!' said Shu from within the house. 'This window was open the whole time!'

'I'll open the door.' said Mai 'Wait.'

Pilaf sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile Kakarot was in perhaps the foulest mood he'd ever been in. And, since he had never been taught to hold his tongue, he decided to inflict it on everyone else. 'We waited over an hour for this?!' He roared 'Its about as useful as any other cloud I could see in the sky with less effort!'

And he drew his power pole and brought it down in a move that would have shattered the spine of any normal creature. Unfortunately the flying Nimnus did not have a spine, or any bones for that matter and was in fact entirely unharmed. It looked more than a little smug about this fact.

'Hey, don't take your own personal impurities out on the Flying Nimbus!' said the Turtle Hermit. 'Its not its fault you aren't pure of heart. Truth be told very few people are.'

'Truly?!' asked Kakarot with false wonder. 'Then why in all the heavenly bearucrasy and technicality damned sinners did you bring a gift which ninety percent of the population of this miserable world would be incapable of using?'

'Well to be fair,' said Roshi, noting the Turtle withdrawing into its shell. 'your actions indicated you might be pure of heart. Actually it took me some years of rigorous training to become pure of heart myself, so I wouldn't get too down on yourself.'

'Well I'm pure of heart.' said Bulma matter of factly.

'...No,' said Kakarot 'no you are not.'

'Oh come on Kakarot, I'm probably the purest person you know.' said Bulma.

'A fact which leaves no end of omnicidal thoughts in my mind.' said Kakarot conversationally. 'Even ignoring your selfish nature, the fact that you imprison the souls of musicians and lovers within glass boxes automatically disqualifies you.'

'Thats just television Kakarot!' snapped Bulma.

'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.'

Bulma paused. '...While I would agree that I am a beautiful flower, how do you even know quotes like that when you've spent your whole life in the mountains, kid?

'My Master had me read a lot of books.' said Kakarot 'I loathed it, but I learned much.'

'And you never learned about television?'

'Why would a Martial Arts master know anything about Witchcraft?'

'I'm not a Witch!' shouted Bulma at the top of her lungs. 'And I'm also pure of heart.'

'If that is your belief then by all means jump.' said Kakarot dismissively. 'I'll be here, watching.'

Bulma bent her knees and leapt forward, onto the Nimbus Cloud. Said Nimbus cloud promptly allowed her to pass through and land with a crash on the sand, face down. Kakarot laughed hysterically, doubling over from the pain of it as Bulma fumed. Roshi merely observed.

'Well it looks like I still have a Nimbus Cloud.' said Roshi with a sigh. 'Not sure what I'll do with it.'

'This is all very wonderful.' said Kakarot, bad mood returning. 'However, its getting late, and we've already wasted a little more time than we were comfortable with just getting here, not to mention waiting for your arrival. So I think we had better get going before we encounter any more wastes of time-'

'Hey what about me?' broke in Bulma, rising quickly 'Aren't you going to give me a gift too?'

'Speak of the devil and she shall appear!' snapped Kakarot, before walking off muttering to himself. Roshi watched him go with an unreadable expression.

'That kid has a foul temper.' he said 'Still, I remember when I first tried to ride the flying nimbus. Maybe with some training...' He decided to attend to the matter at hand, and turned to the Turtle. 'What do you say? Did this young lady help you as well?'

'Uh... no, just the boy.' said Mr Turtle.

'Hey!' snapped Bulma. 'What about the seawater I gave you!'

'I think I'm going to side with Turtle on this one.' said Roshi 'But I could be persuaded to change my mind, for instance, if you would allow me to... nevermind, your underaged. Let me think for a moment.' He turned round and began musing to himself. _'I could give her the... no not that, the wheels fell off. What about the-'_

And then Bulma saw it. A Dragonball hanging around the Turtle Hermits neck. It had three stars on it. 'Nevermind!' she said quickly as she surged forward. 'I want that!'

Roshi picked up the Dragonball. 'This old thing? I found it on my island washed up some time ago. You sure?'

'Yes, absolutely!' said Bulma, marveling at it. 'Hey, Kakarot, I've got something to cheer you up! Its another Dragonball!'

'A Dragon what?' asked Roshi in surprise.

Kakarot approached her, surprised and looked at it. '...It really is.'

'Our fourth Dragonball.' said Bulma in satisfaction.

'Excellent.' said Kakarot 'I am pleased to see that we managed to gain something of value from the Turtle Hermit. Perhaps in our business in these parts we have not thus not altogether wasted our time.'

'You were right, if its any consolation. And now just three more, and wish time.'

'What?' said Roshi 'That thing grants wishes?'

'Thank you.' said Bulma 'We really love our gifts. Your a kindhearted and generous man!'

'I never said you could have the ball!' snapped Roshi.

'But you said you were going to give me a gift.' pleaded Bulma 'Aw come on.'

'Very well you've convinced me.' said Roshi. 'I probably wasn't going to use it anyway.'

Bulma cheered and leaped for joy as Kakarot watched in something resembling irritation. When she had entirely finished, Kakarot and Bulma leaped back on their motor bike and drove off together, calling goodbyes in new cheer. As Roshi made his way slowly on Turtleback towards home, he sighed. 'Man these kids today, I'll tell you. I was lucky to get out of there with my staff and sandles.'

* * *

Upon the Turtle Hermits Island, a Crocodile was soaking in the sun, while administering sun block copiously to itself. This extrordinarily random event aside, however, Pilaf, Mai, and Shu were busy ransacking the place.

'This is disgusting, ugh!' snapped Mai as she looked into the fridge out of desperation.

'Darn it, where is that Dragonball!' snapped Pilaf.

'Its not up here sire!' said Shu as he rushed down the stairs.

'Or down here.' Said Pilaf.

'Its not in the kitchen, Emperor.' said Mai 'Its possible that someone may have tipped him off.'

'Hang on.' said Pilaf as he rushed outside and approached the sunbathing crocodile. 'Hey there, nice day isn't it?' The Crocodile roused itself slightly, before a knife was pressed to his throat.

'You'd better tell me what I want to know, or I'll make a green handbag out of you.' said Pilaf calmly.

'Okay!' said the Crocodile.

'Where did Roshi, the Turtle Hermit go?!' asked Pilaf.

'Master Roshi?' asked the Crocodile 'He's right there!' And he motioned with one claw.

Pilaf turned and saw, swimming towards them, a Turtle. And on it was the Turtle Hermit. 'Shu, Mai!' He called, and moved to stand behind his approaching bodyguards. 'Keep me covered.'

Roshi leapt off the Turtle, staff in hand. 'I don't think we've met. Hi.'

'Hi!' said Pilaf from behind Mai, whose gun was out beside Shu who had his sword in hand. 'Now hand it over, the Dragonball.'

'The ball?' asked Roshi.

'Yeah, you heard the man.' said Mai 'Now hand it over.'

'Dragonball. Oh I remember. I just gave it to that pretty girl on the beach.'

'Are you kidding?' asked Pilaf.

'Seriously.' said Roshi 'She wouldn't leave me alone until I gave it to her. She was nuts about that ball because of some crazy wish.'

Mai and Shu glanced at eachother in horror and surprise. Pilaf shouldered forward. 'I want to know where that girl is.'

'I don't know.' said Roshi 'But I just said goodbye to her by the-'

'She couldn't have gotten too far.' said Pilaf 'Come on!'

The three of them rushed back into the plane, and Pilaf took the pilot side. 'Activating amphibous transformation now!' He pressed a button, and the plane changed shape and size to become a submarine. A submarine which was on the shore. 'Hey there, would you mind giving us a little push?'

'Anything to get you off my island you little blue dwarf.' stated Roshi in annoyance as he walked forward to stand behind the plane. With a mischevious smile he slammed a hole in the hull with his stick, then shoved it forward. 'Alright your clear to go! Enjoy the bottom of the sea'

'Thank you.' said Pilaf as they shot away, unsuspecting.

'Those three deserve the hole I put in their hull.' he muttered. 'Shame about the nice plane though.'

Pilaf, meanwhile, was complaining about how they were going too slow, heedlesss of the rising water level in their sub.

The House disappeared in a poof of smoke whichs sent Kakarot falling backward. Bulma had a laugh at his expense from where she stood, newly dressed in a yellow tank top with green lining. Her hair had been tied into a red braid, and she watched as he stood with amusement.

'Warn me when you are about to do that.' said Kakarot.

'Fine, fine,' said Bulma 'Its a shame we don't have that Flying Nimbus.'

'Who cares, it probably wasn't faster than a motorcyle anyway.' said Kakarot, still bitter.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

And here we have the first of the many divergances which this fic will undergo due to Kakarot's altered status. He can't ride the flying nimbus. I'm pretty sure this will result in a drastically different red ribbon army story later, but for now it has a minimal effect on things.

Some of those with better memories will note that I outright removed a very prominant element of this episode. Namely in the Bulma and Master Roshi interaction. I did this because, to be blunt, I find the objectification of a sixteen year old girl disturbing even without a Hermit over one hundred years of age being in the scene. If Master Roshi were real he would be a sex offender.

So yeah, I am toning down Master Roshi's pervertedness to the looks-at-dirty-pictures variety, and maybe makes a perverted comment. To remove it entirely would be a disservice to his character.

Even so, I have to admit that perverted characters are usually my least favorite member of the main cast, because being a pervert frequently become the end all and be all of their character as it gets flanderized.

By the way, now do you see why I'm not just skimming this? The early parts of Dragonball were extremely dense in terms of what happens during the plot. To remove or skim these scenes detracts from the overall narrative. Now granted, as we go we'll probably end up fitting whole packs of episodes into one chapter. Primarily because I have never seen a Dragonball Z fight scene which could not have been shortened substantially with little loss of content. Thats why Dragonball Kai even exists.

Once the story becomes a side show to fight scenes, expect things to speed up.

Oh and check out my webcomics, Pointless Redemption and the Knight and the Genie, located on comic fury.

Enjoy!


	4. Oolong the Terrified

**Chapter Four: Visions of the Future**

Kakarot did not dream often, but tonight the visions were vivid indeed. He dreamed that he saw a city unlike anything he had ever seen. It was under attack by gigantic monkeys, who breathed beams of light that consumed its denizens. The people of the city fought back, drawing blood with their attacks, only to be crushed downward by the massive limbs of the monkeys. Try as they might they could not defeat the creatures.

Yet even so they fought on, without a hope of survival in their deepest thoughts they faced their opportioned fate then fell. For Kakarot suddenly knew beyond measure that these people had seen the end coming. The past, future and present were all as one for them. To the last breath they did battle, and not one of them fled or turned tail to escape. Finally when the last of them fell, the Monkeys, clad in colored armor, smote their ruins until nothing was left save rubble.

He awoke the next morning in cold sweat, feeling as though something within that dream was terribly familiar, though he could not guess as to what. His memories of the time before he came into Master Gohan's tutelage were fuzzy and frequently fled from his mind only to return suddenly.

He looked to where Bulma was sleeping in the bed on the second Capsule House she had set out so far. She seemed to be dreaming of something quite pleasant. She rolled over, and her loose hair fell over her face as she murmured something to herself.

Kakarot wondered if the monkeys were some manner of beast utilized by those who had assigned him his mission. If so it would explain why they were clad in armor, and destroying things. He went back to sleep.

The next morning they awoke bright and early and continued their journey.

When he had first begun his journey with Bulma upon a motorcycle, the experience had been thrilling to say the least. However as they continued through a series of mountains Kakarot reflected that it had become rather unforgivably dull. Bulma herself seemed to be tired of it as well, for she continually went faster and faster, even as the risk of losing control.

Kakarot and Bulma had already collected four of the seven magic Dragonballs. Now with only three more to find before they could make their wish, the heroes raced towards the location of the fifth Dragonball. According to Bulma's radar it wasn't far off.

Kakarot noticed that Bulma was veering a bit to the side.

'Bulma, pay attention. You need to go left.'

'Listen squirt, I'm the one with the drivers license so shut up and sit doooown!' At that moment they veered off the road, off the hill into the air to careen downwards towards the road beyond. They landed with a crash at the base of the hill.

Kakarot was thrown from his seat to fly spinning away, only to land on his feet. Bulma in the meantime landed in a heap and groaned.

'Are you alright?' asked Kakarot.

'Does it look like I'm okay you twerp?!' she asked, shuddering and crying.

'Apparently not.' said Kakarot, before he noticed the three star ball at his feet. It was glowing, and he picked it up to gaze at it. 'Bulma, the Dragonball is glowing.'

That instantly improved her mood, as she opened her eyes and snatched it from his hand to marvel at it. She looked up with a smile. 'You know what this means, don't you? The fifth ball must be really close! This is great!'

'And look over there.' said Kakarot, motioning with his staff. 'See that?'

'A village!' cried Bulma in joy. 'Good eye kid!'

'Do you think its there?' asked Kakarot.

'Well, there is only one way to find out.' decided Bulma.

Drawing out yet another motorcycle capsule and using it, the two travelers continued their journey, heading for the quint looking village ahead of them. When they arrived, however, they found the streets oddly deserted, and the air tinged with fear. They dismounted from the motorcycle and began to look around.

'I wonder where everybody is.' said Bulma, drawing out her Dragon radar. 'Let's see what the Radar says... Yep. The fifth Dragonball is here alright.' she gazed around. 'Something is weird. It's too quiet. Maybe this village has been deserted.'

'No.' said Kakarot. 'People are here. I can sense them.'

'Are you sure, Kakarot?' asked Bulma doubtfully 'It looks more like a ghost town to me.'

'Yeah, I'm positive.'

'If you say so.'

Then without further ado, they began calling for anyone to hear them. 'Hello! Can anyone hear me! Come on out, we're not violent!' Called Kakarot.

'Hello, is anybody home?' asked Bulma. 'Hello?!'

'I think I just saw someone peeking at us from that window over there.' said Kakarot.

'This is getting freaky.' said Bulma.

'There must be some reason why they are afraid of us.' said Kakarot 'We haven't done anything to deserve this kind of treatment. I'm going to find out.' And he approached the nearby door, labeled 'Sherman Priest' and knocked three times. 'Hello! I know your in there! Come out before I force the issue!'

There was a long pause.

Then Kakarot broke a hole in the door and used that to grab the door knob on the inside. 'That worked.'

'Ever consider using that handle?' asked Bulma.

Kakarot paid her no heed and entered. It was dark within, for the curtains were all drawn so that almost no light was allowed into the room. A shadow moved in the darkness. A blade gleamed in the light from the door, and then came the attack!

An axe lanced downwards and collided with Kakarot's skull. He winced and yowled in pain, even as the blade shattered into a dozen pieces. As Kakarot clutched at his bruising head, a normal looking man with a broken axe handle in one hand. He was trembling fearfully.

'Oh no... its just as I feared. I should have known...' The man mumbled to himself.

Kakarot withdrew his power pole in one smooth movement. 'You just hit me on the head with a hatchet. Give me one good reason not to return the favor!'

The man stepped back a pace, before bringing his hands into the form of a prayer. 'Oh forgive me Lord Oolong! I know it was foolish to try to attack you, but I'd rather die than lose my daughter!' It was now that Kakarot became aware of a brown haired girl with long braided hair, wearing a bandana with a feather through it.

Pacified by his begging, Kakarot sheathed his pole. 'Sorry, but you seem to have me mistaken with someone else. My name is Kakarot.'

'It's not him dad!' said the daughter.

Apparently, the scene was being watched by others as well, for soon a whole crowd of people was massing at the door, and Bulma was forced inside. They murmuring and spoke in hushed tones to each other.

Over the next few minutes, water was drawn into a bucket, and a cold cloth put over Kakarot's head to help sooth the pain. 'This should help.' said the man's daughter, as the man himself remained some ways away, looking more than a little shamefaced. Not at all a sufficient expression for one who has just slammed a hatchet into a twelve year olds skull.

'He could have been killed!' cried Bulma, apparently sharing Kakarot's opinion. 'Shame on you!'

'I thought he was Oolong!' objected the man 'I was only trying to protect my daughter!'

'So you are a girl.' realized Kakarot, glancing up at the Man's daughter. 'Then a girl is female offspring. This is informative.'

'So what does this Oolong do that makes everyone so afraid of him?' asked Bulma.

At these words, the Girl began to cry and ran into her Fathers arms. He held her close and looked up, suddenly grim. 'He's a worst nightmare. He's a blackness that has descended on our village, a monster who treats us like his toys.'

'That bad?' asked Bulma, sounding like she only half believed him.

'Much worse.' said the Man.

'How so?'

'Well, somehow this terrible creature has the power to change into any shape it wants to. Instead of one nightmare, we're cursed by many. No one knows his real identity, we just know he wants our daughters. That monster has kidnapped three girls from the village already.'

Bulma and Kakarot looked at each other doubtfully, now believing his story was truthful, at least as far as he knew. The man continued on regardless.

'And yesterday my darkest fears came true.' said the Man. 'He wants my daughter. Pokawatha. Yesterday he came to us in the form of a red-skinned Devil and proclaimed that he would honor us by taking my daughter's hand in marriage tomorrow.

'Pack your bags Pokewatha. and don't worry about the dowry tag' The red skinned fiend had said. Then he marched off laughing, and the tremor of his footsteps could have broken rock.

'Hmm,' Said Kakarot 'well that sounds like an entertaining diversion. Up for trapping a shapeshifting Demon Bulma?'

'How will you do that?' asked the man 'He's bigger than this house. My word, you don't get it, do you. Oolong would squish you like a little bug. There is no way to stop this monster.'

There was absolute silence. Kakarot considered how indebted he felt to a person who had whacked him on the head with an axe and concluded that he was perfectly willing to let this village rot. His head was still sore.

'So tell us,' continued the man 'why have you two come here anyway?'

Bulma seemed glad for a change of subject. 'I'll show you.' she said, unholstering her bag and placing it on the ground. She unzipped it then reached inside to begin rummaging around. Let's see...'

She drew out the three star ball. 'We came to find a ball that matches this one.' She passed it to the man, who adjusted his glasses and gazed at it.

'Strange... yes... it's very beautiful.' Kakarot sarcastically held his breath. 'But I've never seen anything like it.'

'Another brilliant piece of information from the fawning axeman.' muttered Kakarot in irritation at his uselessness.

'Well I have.' said an elderly woman from the crowd as she pushed her way to the front. She wore a red bonnet, and violet robes. 'Young lady I have the matching one.'

'I knew there was one here!' proclaimed Bulma joyfully.

'What do you know, how bout that.' said the man, useless as always.

'Why are you even here?' asked Kakarot bluntly.

'This is my house.' objected the man, somewhat tenatively.

'...And?' asked Kakarot after a moment.

Bulma whacked him over the head swiftly.

'What was that for?!' snapped Kakarot.

'What do you think?' hissed Bulma 'Now stop sabotaging negotiations!' Then she turned back to the old woman. 'Can I see it please?'

'Hmmhmm.' nodded the old woman, before reaching into her pack and withdrawing it. Sure enough it was a dragonball, with six red stars in the center. Bulma and Kakarot got a closer look.

'Wow!' said Bulma 'The six star ball. Cool.'

'Yes, cool indeed. Hand it over,' said Kakarot, before catching Bulma's death glare and sighing. 'please hand it over.'

'I'm not going to give this ball away,' said the Woman 'its been in my family for generations.'

'Then why bring it up in the first place?!' asked Kakarot incredulously.

The old woman did not dignify that statement with a response.

Bulma thought for a moment. '...Would you give it to us if we could defeat that Oolong creep, get the girls back and return your village to a peaceful place again?'

'By yourselves?' asked the man in a breathless tone. Kakarot resisted the urge to punch him. With his luck, he'd end up caving in the morons skull and have to find a new partner. There were wonderous and excited murmurs from the crowd.

'Now listen,' said the old woman 'I may be old, but I'm not gullible. How could the two of you defeat Oolong?'

Bulma got a faraway, and 'I'm so clever' sort of look in her eyes and smiled. 'Well Kakarot and I are quite a team, y'know.'

'If by team, you mean 'a boy and his milestone', then yes.' said Kakarot, before being once more beaten over the head by Bulma.

'Shut up.' she hissed.

'Do you think that you and that kid really have a chance to beat Oolong, miss?' asked someone from the crowd, because apparently his viewpoint didn't matter. Suddenly Bulma was all smiles again.

'Yeah, I'd say we have a pretty good chance.' said Bulma 'Kakarot's a little on the puny side, but he packs a wallop. Don't you kid?'

'If by 'packs a wallop' you mean 'excells at killing things fifty times my size', then yes.' said Kakarot with a hint of pride.

'I'm Bulma,' Bulma continued. 'I'm the brains and moral conscience of the outfit.'

'This does not bode well.' muttered Kakarot.

'Would you forgive me for hitting you,' asked the Man 'we'd appreciate your help.'

'Never in a million years.' said Kakarot 'But I'll still help you.'

'There is a legend that speaks of a boy who would come to liberate our people.' said another Man. 'But we always thought it was just folklore.'

The old woman nodded.

'Bulma!' Said a younger woman. 'It would be the answer to all my prayers if you brought my baby back!'

It was at this point that a man clad as a native american came right the hell out of nowhere, and grabbed Kakarot by the hands. 'You have my blessing young warrior. Your courage stands as a great monument among my people!'

'Uh...' Kakarot had nothing to say, interestingly enough.

Bulma smirked and laughed to herself, eccentric as always. She was planning something. 'I just thought of a great way to trap Oolong.'

Five minutes later Kakarot was wearing a dress and bonnet. His urge to destroy the world was rising. After all that had been his assigned duty when he first got here, the voices in his head told him so. Even so he pressed them down. He was not yet certain that he was the strongest thing on this miserable world. He would bide his time.

'Alright!' cheered Bulma 'You look great kid! You'd be totally charming if you smiled a bit more!'

'Someday Bulma... someday...' he murmured in fury.

'Sorry kid, no time for it.' said Bulma.

'Gosh Kakarot, you make a real pretty girl.' said Pokewatha in amusement.

'Don't push your luck.' he snapped.

'Now remember Kakarot,' said Bulma 'don't blow your cover. He has to think you are Pokewatha. The important thing is to find out where he's keeping the girls. After that...'

'I can mess him up?' asked Kakarot eagerly.

'...you can handle it anyway you want to.' finished Bulma.

'Very well. I will comply with this plan.' lied Kakarot. He had a plan of his own, and he meant to stick by it. All of a sudden the room shook, the lamps swayed from side to side where they were hanging. Bulma cried aloud in shock.

'Its Oolong!' cried the man 'He's coming!'

A door was thrown open, and a man with a cowboy hat peeked in. 'Oolongs in the village and he's on his way here.'

'Good job.' said Bulma, taking charge from the doorway. 'Now try to make sure everyone gets into their houses safely.'

'I'll do it.' said the man, before rushing off. As he did so, Kakarot walked out the door, and Bulma looked down to him.

'Okay,' she said 'its up to you. Good luck.'

'Seeing as you are the moral conscience of this group, I assume you won't be helping at all.' said Kakarot as Bulma shoved him out and shut the door. 'Thats what I thought. Time to get this over with.'

'I'll be right here rooting for you Kakarot.' she said through the broken hole in the door as the thunderous footsteps grew louder. 'Showtime Kakarot. Make sure he can't get a good look at your face, and remember to smile.'

Kakarot turned away in full from the approaching enemy as Bulma retreated. Kakarot looked at the dress he was wearing in disgust.

'Hello buttercup!' came a snarling voice. 'I brought you some flowers! I hope you like them sweetheart!'

This plan was getting worse and worse all the time. He did his best to fake a female voice. 'I love flowers.' He remembered then that he still had his power pole on. Hopefully Oolong wouldn't notice.

'Packed your rolling pin?' Asked Oolong before exhaling as though imagining food. 'And I see you've put on a little weight.'

'Yeah, look whose talking.' Replied Kakarot.

'You scamp!' Exclaimed Oolong's voice, though not particularly angry. 'A little feisty today aren't we?'

'Kakarot, where did you learn how to act?' hissed Bulma through the door. 'If you don't shape up your going to blow this thing big time.'

'Thats good.' said Oolong 'I like em feisty. I wouldn't change anything on you except maybe that ugly scarf.' Kakarot suppressed his every fiber as it told him to rip tear and maim without mercy. 'Oh my, your trembling. Your scared. Well I get my feelings hurt when Girls are scared of me! No more!' Then he roared aloud in a sound to echo across the valleys.

There was a tense silence during which Kakarot wondered what form he was taking now. He turned and looked back, and saw a tall man in a white coal. He had a cain by his side, and short black hair. He half bowed. 'What do you think of this? Suave, debonair handsome? If you don't like it I can always change into something else.'

It was about this point that the door was flung open, and Bulma appeared with practical hearts in her eyes as she looked, for lack of a better word, lovestruck. 'Well hello there stranger, my names Bulma. I don't think we've met.'

Kakarot fell over onto his back in disgust. 'Can't you control your hormones for ten minutes? What about the plan?' Not that anyone paid him any heed, as the situation rapidly spiralled down from not-as-planned, to out-of-control.

'My can such beauty be real?' asked Oolong 'You must be a dream.'

'Not really.' said Kakarot.

'Nope,' said Bulma 'I'm all woman.' And she pulled aside her vest, and stuck out her chest. Oolong began oogling her, as Kakarot finally reached his snapping point. Just a bit more, and he would snap.

'So when are you going to kidnap me and take me away?' asked Bulma.

Kakarot snapped.

'Alright, thats it!' snapped Kakarot 'I'm changing the plan.' And then he tore off his dress and bonnet to reveal his ordinary clothes. 'Its not a rolling pin. Its a power pole. And I'm not a girl, I'm a warrior dressed up as one to lull you into a false sense of security.' He drew his power pole. 'To that end, either you tell me where the missing girls are right now. Or I'll beat it out of you.'

Oolong stared at him in shock and horror for a few moments. Then he screamed in absolute horror, the sound of which echoed throughout the hills. His hair stood up full on end, and he clutched his forhead. 'I've been decieved! Your not Pokewatha!'

'Did the tail and martial arts weapon not tip you off?' asked Kakarot bluntly.

'If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is deception!' roared Oolong in fury.

'Go ahead and do something about it.' replied Kakarot.

There was a poof of yellow smoke, and the handsome man gave way to reveal a massive black cow, which towered over Kakarot, packed with muscles upon muscles. Its face, however, was oddly humanoid.

'Congratulations, you've turned into a cow.' said Kakarot. 'I wonder if you'll taste okay.'

'I am not a cow, I am a bull!' snapped Oolong 'There is a pretty big difference- Wait what?'

'Wow! What happened to my polite, handsome debonair man with a really expensive trenchcoat!' cried Bulma abruptly, clutching her head.

'The brains of the operation is talking.' said Kakarot flatly.

'Excuse me.' Bulma said, retreating into the house.

* * *

Bulma shut the door behind her, feeling ashamed and humiliated. 'This is just too weird!' She said as she leaned against the frame.

'That monstrous beast is a deciever. He fools you by transforming into the one thing that you want most.' explained the Father of Pokewatha, choosing to be relevant for once. 'And in your case thats a man. You should be ashamed of yourself.'

'At least she didn't try to hack a childs skull open with a handaxe!' called Kakarot from outside, as Bulma stammered unintelligably.

'...Moving on,' said the Man, who had evidently rehearsed his lines. 'the good thing is I don't think he wants to marry Pokewatha anymore. He wants to marry you instead.'

Pokewatha, who didn't seem to be taking the matter all that seriously, smiled and looked at her. 'You'll make a nice bride Bulma.'

'What kind of girl do you think I am?!' snarled Bulma 'I'm not getting married to a Bull, and thats that!'

* * *

Meanwhile, back on the outside, Kakarot continued to gaze over the Bull like a piece of meat, as the Bull did his best to look intimidating. 'So do you transform back to your natural form when you die?' asked Kakarot. 'Because I'm hungry.'

'What?!' said the Bull 'Thats cannibalism!'

'Not really.' Said Kakarot with a broad smile. 'I have it on good authority that I'm the only one of my kind on this planet anyway. So what you really mean is 'you are sentient and civilized people don't eat sentients' to which I reply 'I grew up in the wilds.''

There was a long, long, tense silence as Kakarot began walking forward, licking his chops as the Bullman backpetalled fearfully. All of a sudden he turned and broke into a fleeing run, and Kakarot persued.

'No wait!' called Bulma as the two rushed towards the gate. 'Don't eat him! We need to know where he's keeping the girls!'

However Bulma's cries fell on deaf ears. For a great madness of hunger was now upon Kakarot, and he persued the Bull around the corner and-

And...

Where did the Bull go?

Currently standing with his back casually to the wall, an Anthopormorphic Pig dressed in a green flight uniform was currently leaning back and doing his best to look cool. 'You, emergency food, have you seen a giant bull come through here?' asked Kakarot bluntly. 'Keep in mind, I'm hungry.'

'There.' said the Pig, pointing the direction the Bull had been running before. Kakarot raced past him after the Bull without further words, leaving a trail of dust in his wake. It was at this point that the Pig, whose name was Oolong, turns to you and smiles slyly.

'Hi! This is the bonofide 100% original me. Believe it or not a good looking guy like myself has trouble scoring chicks. Thats why I transform.

The art of transformation is a very ancient technique that should only be used responsibly to solve serious problems. In my case I was being dogged by girls left and right, due to my natural cute and cuddly appearance. But now that I'm out of shapeshifting school all thats changed.

The problem is I can only hold a shape for five minutes and then poof! Thats why I had to run away from the kid.'

* * *

The broken forth wall aside, Bulma and Pokewatha's father were currently involved in an enlightening conversation. 'You say Oolong ran away.' said Pokewatha's Father, as they peered out of the doorway.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'I saw him take off. And Kakarot went after him.'

'Remarkable, what an extrordinary boy!' exclaimed Pokewatha's father.

'Yeah, Kakarot will chase him to the ends of the earth if he has to.' noted Bulma matter of factly.

'Maybe its the legend after all.' murmured Pokewatha's Father.

'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' came the roar from the distance.

'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' Went the roar again.

* * *

Kakarot was in a rage. 'OOOOOLOOOOONG!' He roared, as he retraced his steps, holding his power pole in clenched hands.

'Couldn't find him huh?' asked Oolong.'

'Nope.' said Kakarot as he marched on by. Oolong snickered wickedly to himself as Kakarot disappeared around the corner.

'Alright,' said Kakarot 'so Oolong ran away. Even so I don't expect he could have taken the Girls all that far. Its probably somewhere within walking distance.'

'Okay,' said Oolong to the audiance. 'here we go. But I'd better watch it or this kid could ruin a good thing. If I want to keep these simpletons in line, I'm going to have to come up with something really fierce.' He walked to stand at the threshold of the gate. 'Ah, I know a good one.'

'Hmm, what a coward.' muttered Kakarot in disappointment.

Then Oolong transformed.

Kakarot turned round, and saw, towering over him a massive creature, clad in dark armor with an axe handle on his head. In one gigantic hand was gripped two massive chopsticks, and his face was covered by a black shrowd. His eyes were unto glass, and he held a bowl in his right hand, filled with soup. 'Looking for me kid?!' asked the Giant 'Did you really think I'd run away!'

'Actually yes.'

'You look timid, tiny tot-'

Then Kakarot let loose a roar which would have seen tigers cowering in their holes, and leaped through the air, power pole still sheathed. He gripped Oolong by the right arm. Oolong reeled as he squeezed, and the soup spilled all over Oolong's chest plate as he fell backward and landed with a crash. He rolled and fought, desperately trying to loose Kakarot's furious grip on his arm.

Those of you who have read, or heard, the tale of Beowulf and Grendel will probably have an unpleasant idea of where this is going. Fortunately for us, Oolong as a young pig had learned the tale himself. And he had no desire to have his arm torn off.

'I don't think your as strong as you say you are.' said Kakarot ruefully as he squeezed tighter.

'To HFIL with this! No girl is worth this!' he snapped, and he transformed into a large red bat. Kakarot's grip was loosened by virtue of no longer having a limb to grip and he landed with a crash on the ground. 'Later sucker!'

And he flew off into the distance.

'Hey get back here and fight you coward!' snapped Kakarot after him. 'We were only just getting started!'

'Don't just stand there,' called Bulma 'go after him kid!'

'With what?!' snapped Kakarot 'I couldn't use that stupid Nimbus! So unless your witchcraft can create me a plane, I can't exactly- Wait... plane.

Of course! I don't need a Nimbus! I've got a Power Pole!' And he drew out his power pole. 'Power pole extend!'

And with that he was launched high into the air by his powerpole, sending him flying towards the bat. The villagers watched as he used his power pole again to throw himself farther and higher into the air like a master.

* * *

'This is just like from the old legend.' said a Villager 'Except he's using a stick instead of dancing on the clouds.'

'I'll take it.' said the old woman.

* * *

Kakarot in the meantime continued to rush after Oolong, who was getting closer and closer.

'Power pole extend!'

'Power pole extend!'

'Power pole extend!'

He was now close enough that he could probably use his power pole to whack him out of the air. He raised it. _'Hang on a second, if I break his neck nobody will be able to tell us where the Girls are. I don't particularly like that Village back there, but it would be a shame to leave a task half complete._

 _My master taught me that much. Oh and mercy, whatever that is.'_

'Power pole extend!'

* * *

Several hundred feet above the ground, Oolong was feeling rather satisfied with how things had turned out, even if it had technically been a failure. The fact was that most people he scammed usually figured out he wasn't that powerful sooner or later. He was used to being run out of town. 'That kid was a royal pain in the arm.' said arm was still sore. 'Good thing he doesn't know how to fly.'

'No, but I can pole vault moron!' snapped a voice, and Oolong saw what he had though was impossible. The kid from before was persuing him by lengthening a red stick to send himself high into the air and forward. He seemed to cross miles like it was nothing.

Oolong did the only sane and rational thing there was to do in such a situation. He transformed into a rocket, and surged off. He'd only ever used this form once before, to escape a seriously dangerous situation. Now he was using it to escape a kid, and that was just humiliating.

Kakarot in the meantime, began increasing his speed of pole vaulting, moving endlessly faster. Oolong was incredibly fast, he had to admit, but Kakarot could just keep him in sight. And really, keep him in sight was all he had to do. _'Just gotta wait until his five minutes are up. By the way, if your wondering how I know about that restriction, just pretend I overheard Oolong speaking to the audience.'_

He continued following Oolong until his arms burned with the exertion of moving faster than he had dared before. Oolong was little by little outracing him, and Kakarot came to suspect that this would have been much easier with a Nimbus. He was beginning to get tired. Little by little the cold air and endless straining was taking away the feeling in his hands.

Then, just as he thought he wouldn't be able to do one more vault, Oolong stopped in midair. 'Oh no, my five minutes!' He said, before transforming out and proceeding to fall downwards to what would sure be his death. Kakarot smirked silently, then planted the power pole in the ground directly beneath him.

He lowered himself rapidly downwards towards Oolong, who was sputtering and raving. 'I'm not ready to die!' he said.

Kakarot caught him by the hands moment before he hit the ground. 'Give me a minute.'

'And who are you supposed to be? Batman?'

* * *

Not that Kakarot actually did any real roughing up of Oolong after that point. He didn't even beat him up any, just dragged him back to the village. He wasn't in the mood, and mood was everything if you wanted to initiate a proper beatdown. Not to mention that it was very difficult to beat down someone without at least some risk of serious injury. Oddly enough, though it was a long way away, the walk back to the village didn't seem like all that long. Perhaps it was because he had exerted himself so much along the way, but it passed in a breeze.

Bulma and the villagers surrounded Oolong, and for a moment Kakarot was hoping to watch a lynching. Unfortunately it didn't seem like any of them were willing to risk their daughters. Bulma confronted Oolong herself. 'Well now porky, what do you have to say for yourself?'

'Begging for mercy like a dog would be in order.' suggested Kakarot eagerly.

'Please don't kill and eat me.' said Oolong fearfully.

'You get a pass.' said Kakarot.

'I can't believe I was scared of that pig.' said an old man.

'Now where's my granddaughter and the rest of the girls.' said the old woman from before.

'At... home.' said Oolong tenatively.

'What home?!' said a village man.

'Look pal, your reign of terror is over capiche!' snapped Bulma.

'He's even less terrifying than this fellow.' said Kakarot, motioning to the man who had hit him with an axe. 'No offense.'

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Bulma, before turning back to Oolong. 'Now tell us!'

'I can't help but notice, Bulma, that your reserves of courage are inversely proportionate to the level of percieved threat.' said Kakarot bluntly.

But that was more or less the end of it. Oolong led them, with a rope tied round his waist, through the forest paths. Several times he glanced back, as if contemplating an escape, but he made no attempt to slip his coils. 'Please turn into a bug so I can crush you.' said Kakarot 'As a personal favor.'

Oolong groaned in irritation.

'Where exactly is this shack of yours?' asked the old man 'Is it far?'

At this Oolong's mood improved greatly for reasons which Kakarot could not understand. They continued journeying for about an hour, until the sun was beginning to set. Then they turned the corner, and came upon a genuine palace with a red wall surrounding it. Oolong turned back smugly. 'Here's my little shack.'

'Awesome.' said Bulma 'You don't see houses like that everyday! What a palace!'

'How did you afford this?' asked Kakarot.

'Well it wasn't easy, kiddo. I had to rip off a lot of people.' said Oolong proudly.

'And your proud of that.' surmised Kakarot.

Oolong nodded.

At that moment the parents burst into action, rushing up the stairs and into the home.

'Little flower! Its me! Your Papa is here!'

'Your mothers here Sarah!'

'Your safe now sweetheart!'

'Don't worry girls! We're coming!'

Following after them, Kakarot and the others rushed through the spacious halls after the running parents. As they did he marveled at the size and ornate nature of the walls around him. Then the parents came to an abrupt halt. Kakarot raced up behind them and saw what they saw. It was a large room, decorated with many ferns. Within were three girls. One was dressed in a yoga costume, and stretching, another was lounging with a soda in a glass cup. The third was leaning against the wall.

'Sarah is that you?' asked her Mother of the lounging one.

'Lexi, what are you doing?!'

'Oh hi Daddy, whats happening?' asked Lexi as she looked up from her stretches.

'Sorry I didn't write mommy.' said Sarah 'I've been super busy.'

'Me two.' said the third girl. 'Man, time has just been flying by.'

'Did you find them?' asked Bulma as she and Oolong arrived.

'Oh hi snookems.' said Lexi 'Oh and before I forget, I'm totally out of lip stick and red nail polish.'

'And I need a new hair dryer.'

'Did you bring the diet drinks that I asked you for?'

Oolong looked like a man who had come to a new realization. 'I was hoping these girls would cook and take care of my house, but they won't. All they want to do is lie around. Take them off my hands pretty please!'

There was a long, awkward silence. The old woman turned to Bulma. 'Well this belongs to you and Kakarot now.' And she offered her the Six Star Ball.

'Wow! You made our day!' said Bulma as she snatched it away. But what she thought was:

 _'Just two more to go. And then I can call the Dragon to make my wish!'_

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So yeah, this chapter was delayed for a number of reasons. Not the least of which was how much to change. See the situation with Oolong was always going to be abruptly disrupted by Kakarot just wailing on him without warning. However, if I did it too early, then the story could be disrupted.

The thing about Dragonball is that the butterfly effect is a big part of it. If certain inconsequeintal events do not happen very early on, then the universe is doomed. Oolong has to join the group to save the world from Pilaf, so he has to have some kind of interaction with Kakarot.

I still am not particularly satisfied with this chapter. Something about it annoyed me.

In regards to the abrupt ending to this chapter, its abrupt because that is how it is in the original episode. What I do is I watch episodes of Dragonball and little by little convert them into text format. Then I change various lines and scenes to suit the AU nature of the story. I expect this approach will have to be abandoned eventually, but for now it works.

As for the visions at the beginning, get used to them. They will be an ongoing theme in this story. Ten points to the house of whomever can guess the original source of them.

Interested in seeing a new genre of my work? Check out my webcomic, Pointless Redemption. The art starts a bit weird, but gets better as you go.


	5. Yamcha the Desert Bandit

**Chapter Five:**

Once upon a time, there was an old martial artist who lived alone in the woods. He lived off the land and communed often with nature. Then one day, while out walking he came across a young child, abandoned by a space pod. Taking pity on the poor boy, he took him in, meaning to raise him as his own son. However, the Boy proved wild and uncontrollable, endlessly rebelling and running until the Old Martial Artist was at his wit's end. During this time, the only thing which seemed to calm the boy was fresh mountain air.

One day, while the Martial Artist, whose name was Gohan, was walking with the Boy in a basket on his back, the boy suddenly began thrashing and yelling. He leaped out of the basket and very nearly fell over the edge of a cliff. He was only saved when his tail caught on a nearby tree branch, which in turn snapped.

Gohan grabbed the branch as it fell, and very nearly died himself. But after a massive effort, he succeeded in pulling the boy back to safe ground.

After that, the Boy became oddly quiet and far less wild. He no longer rejected the Old Mans kindness, yet neither did he become cheerful. The Old Man would have named him Goku, however, the Boy did not respond to this. 'My name...' He began in the first words Gohan had heard him speak. 'My name is Kakarot.'

* * *

Kakarot was older now. Much older than he had been last he remembered. His limbs were longer, his shoulders broader. He did not wear the power pole. He was walking...

Walking onto an arena, and before him stood a being, armored in green. His face was human, yet not human. His eyes were coldly amused. Yet they also held anticipation within them. Kakarot was afraid.

He had never felt fear before.

 _'I have seen this moment in my dreams.'_ His voice said.

 _'Hey kid!'_ said a Voice. _'Kid! You okay? Why are you shaking?!'_

Kakarot awoke with a start, to the low hum of a boat engine as they cut through the water like a knife. He a hand upon him and shook it off. Then he realized it was only Bulma. 'What is it? Are we nearly there?'

'Well we're getting there.' said Bulma from the driver seat. She was pilotting the boat through a narrow ravine, with a river at the bottom. 'The good news is we've only got two more Dragonballs to find. The bad news is that we're heading into some more dangerous territory.'

They surged along the river as it gradually widened. The shore on either side became little by little less heavily wooded, and more barren. 'So what were you dreaming about?' asked Bulma, curious.

'Well at first I was dreaming about when I first met my Master,' said Kakarot 'then it... got worse. Scary I suppose is the word.'

'What could scare you, kid?' asked Bulma, looking surprised.

'It was a man... but not quite like a man.' said Kakarot 'I saw him, and I could not help but feel as though he was looking back at me. Through me even. He was tall, and clad in green and black armor, sort of chitenous like a bug.'

'That doesn't sound scary.' noted Bulma.

'You wouldn't be saying that if he appeared in your dreams.' said Kakarot bluntly.

'Was he cute?'

'Excuse me?'

'Nevermind.' said Bulma, voice taking on a tone akin to what she had held when facing Oolong. 'He just sounds very handsome is all.'

'...Your an idiot.' said Kakarot after a moment. 'Your an idiot and I don't want to discuss this with you anymore.' He sighed and leaned back in his seat, watching the water rush by them as they continued on their way. 'Where are we going anyway?'

'Let me see,' said Bulma, drawing out a map.'We're going to a place called Fire Mountain.'

'That sounds quaint.' noted Kakarot.

'Quint's not exactly the word I would use.' said Bulma 'I think I heard that its ruled by some guy called the Ox King or something. Real unfriendly type, but nothing you couldn't handle I'm sure.'

'Your probably right.' Kakarot started admiring nature. He really wasn't in the mood. 'Oh look. A tree. It is green.'

They passed by a waterwall which scenically flowed into the river. Before it shone a rainbow, as fish swam in an out, and water gushed among the rocks. After perhaps an hour more of journeying, they paused their journey to eat some sandwhiches which the Village had packed for them in gratitude for saving them from Oolong.

They soon continued their journey. However they had not gotten far before the boat abruptly skidded to a halt, leaving them drifting in the middle of the lake. Bulma looked in frustration at her arcane instruments. 'Thats great, we're out of gas!'

'Is that like being out of food?' asked Kakarot, curious.

'Very good.' said Bulma with an element of sarcasm. 'Thats exactly what its like Kakarot.'

'Then just feed the boat.'

Bulma sighed. 'Well I might have been able to, if someone hadn't flatly refused to bring Oolong with us. If you'd just listened to me, he could have turned into a tank of gas.'

'Wait,' said Kakarot 'you wanted to bring Oolong along with us so that you could use his bodily fluids to power your motorboat, rather than bring an extra fuel tank. Your Witchcraft is one thing, but thats just depraved!'

Bulma let that one pass. '...Or he could have turned into a paddle, allowing us to get to shore.'

'Or, here's a bright idea,' said Kakarot, taking out his power pole. 'I could extend my power pole and use that to push us to shore. Power pole extend.' And he proceeded to do exactly that with only a little effort. 'I don't you we didn't need him.'

Kakarot leaped ashore, and tied the boat to a tree, before Bulma stepped out after him. As they reached the shore, Bulma stretched. 'Well its nice being back on firm ground again. Now we just need to get out our dinocaps...' She reached into her pocket. She stopped. She checked her other pocket. 'My... dino-caps... their missing. AH! We're trapped in a wasteland with no way to get oouuut!' And she proceeded to run back and forth like a headless chicken, screaming. 'I'll bet Oolong took our Dino-Caps that little porker!'

'Whats the problem?' asked Kakarot, inclined to ask.

'You don't understand!' whined Bulma 'Without the Dino-Caps we're stuck here! No boats, no bikes, no cars, nothing! Nada!' And she gazed up at the sky with such despair that for a moment Kakarot thought she had undergone some terrible revelation. Then reality caught up with him.

'All it means,' he surmised 'is that we'll have to walk.'

'Oh if only we were able to use that Flying Nimbus, we might have stood a chance!' whined Bulma 'Why aren't I pure of heart? I'm pretty and good hearted, that cloud was defective!'

'We could walk.' repeated Kakarot.

'Thats easy for you to say! Your used to rough living!' whined Bulma.

Thus she continued to lament and whine, while Kakarot observed. There is only so long one can continue to lament ones lack of transportation, before even you can't stand it any more. Kakarot waited several more minutes as she continued unstopped, and unhalted, until she seemed to be doing it more out of habit than anything else.

'Your a Witch!' he snapped at last. 'Use your Witchcraft to fix the problem!'

'Will you quit being so naive!' she snapped 'If I were a Witch I wouldn't need the Dragonballs to grant my wishes.' Now she seemed to be calming down somewhat. 'The dino caps are just a bit of science to bring Civilization to the wasteland. And... we don't have any...'

Kakarot sighed.

* * *

The art of catching Dragonballs on a spinning umbrella is an ancient art which is little known. Not just because it is highly difficult, but also because learning it requires one to practice with the source of whatever they could possibly desire. And if one ever makes a wish, then there go your practice materials.

Kakarot and Oolong are the only known wielders of said art.

And now for something completely different.

* * *

Continuing their journey on foot, Bulma and Kakarot made their way through the beating sun. It was not long on their journey before the grass and trees gave way to endless baked dry dirt, with white oddly shaped arcs of rock visible in every direction. In the sun the white rocks looked like bones, or teeth and they soon were all sweating.

It was uncharted. Unexplored, and uncool.

Bulma was supporting herself on a stick she found earlier, her nubile form soaked with sweat as she truded on behind Kakarot. Kakarot checked his pace to allow her to keep up, however it wasn't long before he became more than a little annoyed.

'Look this is your quest.' said Kakarot at last. 'The least you could do is try to keep up with it.'

'Just remember,' said Bulma 'your not a city kid Kakarot. Your used to the wilderness, but I'm not! I should be pampered!' She gazed at her surroundings. 'My gosh, look at this place...'

On the horizon many jagged rocks and cliffs stood up like great claws.

'I'll admit something doesn't seem entirely right.' conceded Kakarot. 'I feel as though we are being watched. That some unseen figure even now gazes upon us. Calculating.'

Bulma pulled off her hat and collapsed to the ground. 'I can't stand it! I'm going crazy!'

'So your giving up then?' asked Kakarot, curious.

'No.' said Bulma 'Yes... Maybe I don't know!' She quieted for a moment, before gazing at her sweat drenched form sadly. Then she snapped. 'I want a bath! I need airconditioning! I don't want to be stranded in the desert without a boyfriend or my dino caps anymore!' And as she spoke she slid on her back into the shade of an overhanging cliff.

* * *

'...Her passion for selfcenteredness inspires even me.' said Oolong, who was presently in an entirely different location, and therefore had absolutely no way of knowing about what was occuring.

* * *

'Ah, shade...' said Bulma 'nap time.'

Kakarot sighed. 'Well, I suppose I'd better just let her rest for a bit. Or go hunting. Then again I'm not all that hungry right now, so whatever.'

* * *

Had he but known it, he was being observed even now through a telescope. From where she sat at the heights of a Desert Hideout, Paur pulled down the binoculars and smiled. 'Victims...' She said with a smile and laughed to herself. She leaped down the ladder and into a seat across from someone else. 'Yamcha! Yamcha! Victims woohoo!'

Yamcha was a tall, handsome teenager with long wild black hair and tan skin. He was dressed in green and orange and wore the symbol of happiness on his shirt. How ver he was no one to be trifled with. 'Well, it's about time.' He chuckled.

He made his way to a cliff overlooking the barren desert around them, and gazed over his domain. It was somewhat more barren than usual. 'We've had quite a dry spell since we hijacked that caravan, eh Paur?'

'Their right down there, Yamcha.' said Paur. 'Can you see them? Can you see them?'

'I only see one.' said Yamcha 'Just a kid.'

'The other is resting in the shade.' said Paur.

'Fair enough.' he said with a smirk. 'This should be no problem.'

* * *

And far away, from where he was resting, Kakarot heard something. A low hum, like the engines of a Motorcycle. He looked up, and saw, rushing towards him, a great smoke cloud. And before that smoke cloud was a hoverbike, and on that hoverbike was a man. The man that Kakarot saw bore a sword at his side, and his hair flew around him like a hurricane.

He had a severe expression on his face as he neared and turned the hoverbike to come to a rest in front of Kakarot, who stood and readied himself. The man stepped off the bike.

'Greetings,' he said politely. 'I am Yamcha. I am Master of the Land you trespass upon.'

'Its my land too!' said a blue cat, jumping down to stand next to Yamcha's boot.

'You needn't fear me.' said Yamcha 'Just hand over your money and any dino caps you have and I will let you pass in peace.'

'Amusing.' said Kakarot, who was fully aware that his lack of money or dinocaps would make avoiding conflict easy. Unfortunately for Yamcha here, Kakarot was looking for a fight. 'My enemies suicidal overconfidence grows ever the more inexplicable.'

'I'm growing tired of your lip, kid.' said Yamcha. 'Either hand over your goods or prepare to fight me.'

'Allow me to over my counterproposal.' said Kakarot. 'Hand over your bike, and sword, and leave here on foot, and maybe I'll consider letting you live.'

Yamcha's only response was to draw his sword. 'Prepare to defend yourself.'

Kakarot took a stance. 'Try to last long enough for my warmup to be complete.'

Yamcha looked at him incredulously. 'I admire your bravery kid.'

'I don't care.' admitted Kakarot.  
There was a tense silence as the two fighters faced eachother down endlessly. Finally Kakarot spoke: 'So are we going to do this or what-'

Then Yamcha hurled his sheath spinning high into the air, catching Kakarot's attention. In the split second in which Kakarot's eyes were locked on the sheath, Yamcha was upon him, sword slicing downward. Kakarot leapt upward over his back, and narrowly avoided having his legs sliced out from under him. He landed some distance away, right in front of the blue cat thing, who was resting on a sheath. Then he glanced back just in time to see Yamcha descending again with his sword.

Kakarot leapt aside, even as the blade halted suddenly, mere inches over the head of Yamcha's friend. Kakarot, for his part, drew out his power pole and parried a flurry of blows from Yamcha, before bring it round in a doublehanded strike which he had used to crush the skulls of dinosaurs before. Yamcha caught it on his sword, only straining a little, before he threw him back and they leaped away from eachother.

Kakarot readied his staff. 'Power Pole extend!' He cried, and it extended.

The move caught Yamcha by surprise, and he was slammed in the stomach. His sword fell from his grasp as he landed some distance away, and righted himself quickly.

'Unbelievable!' cried Paur in dismay.

'You have great power for a little one, don't you?' asked Yamcha as he stood, clutching his chest.

'Well obviously.' stated Kakarot 'The feeling, by the way, is entirely unmutual. I'll grant that you possess strength beyond that of the average foe I've faced. But if this is all you've got, I expect this will end soon. Your still nothing compared to my Master, and he is nothing compared to me now.'

However Yamcha was obviously more interested in something else. 'The pole... The extending power pole. Only one man could have given that to you. Who was this Master of yours?'

'His name was Gohan.' said Kakarot. 'And he died a long time ago.' He actually felt something when he said that. Peculiar.

'I knew of him.' said Yamcha. 'Yet even with your magic pole and all that he may have taught you, I'm afraid you are still no match for me.'

'Oh thats just cute.' laughed Kakarot.

'I will have that poles power.' Continued Yamcha 'Give it to me or prepare to fight to the death.' And he took a stance. 'Your not the only one with special powers kid.'

'And thats just adorable!' laughed Kakarot. 'In case you haven't noticed your down one sword, while I am still-'

 _ **'WOLF FANG FIST ATTACK!'**_

'Wolf Fang what?'

It was like getting hit with a freight train. No wait, it was like getting hit with a dozen freight trains across every pressure point and vulnerable spot you had. Yamcha moved so quickly that Kakarot had scarcely been able to process more than the low padding of his feet like paws on the wasteland, before a furious charge beset him. A single leg slammed him in the torso, sending him flying and knocking the wind from him. A flurry of punches slammed him constantly, before Yamcha finally made a move with his hands that sent Kakarot flying.

By the time Kakarot had fully comprehended what had happened to him, he was slammed through three pillars of rock, and buried beneath a mountain of rubble.

'...Ow...' He said in horse voice.

Finally, after a few more moments of waiting, Kakarot shoved the rocks off of him, and stood to begin marching back toward Yamcha. As he did so a hoarse chuckle echoed from his throat, which soon burst into full on laughter that echoed throughout the rocks. 'Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!'

And then he charged at Yamcha, who looked quite surprised to see him still alive. Even so, Yamcha met his charge, and in a flurry of blows their fists met. Back, and forth, and around. Yamcha had greater reach, and his style of fighting was more disciplined, but Kakarot held an advantage in strength.

Finally Kakarot leaped up, and dropkicked Yamcha away into a mountain. To Kakarot's disappointment, the mountain did not break. Yamcha merely landed with a crash in the dust after rebounding off of it. Standing swiftly, the Bandit wiped the dust from his eyes and charged with a feral roar.

The earth seemed to shake beneath the onslaught of his coming. The air grew tense as Kakarot awaited his enemy's arrival in what would be a battle sung of in tales for years to come.

Unfortunately those plans were abruptly interrupted by Bulma waking up. 'Gee whiz you guys, whats all that screaming about?'

Yamcha stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her. His face grew beat red, his breathing erratic. Bulma stared at him, as though transfixed and for a few long moments they stared as Kakarot waited.

'...Weren't we in the middle of a battle here?' asked Kakarot in annoyance.

Yamcha fell down.

Paur rushed forward. 'Master are you okay?'

'Paur, you know I have trouble around beautiful woman!' snapped Yamcha.

'I know.' said Paur.

And then they leaped onto their Hoverbike and drove off. Kakarot watched them go incredulously. 'No! Is that your final answer?!' He called after them to recieve no response. 'Fine. I didn't want you as a rival anyway.'

'Hey Kakarot!' said Bulma 'Who was that hunk? He was absolutely dreamy!'

'...I'm going hunting.' was all Kakarot had to say to that.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Yamcha's hideout...

Things were not going well. 'A warrior toppled by a girl is humiliating!' said Yamcha, sound just a touch petulant. Then again, he was sixteen.

'Yamcha, she had nothing to do with it.' said Paur 'You just tripped.'

Yamcha slammed the table with his fists. 'That's a lie, Paur, and you know it. I froze when I saw her, but I will overcome my fear of woman! Those fools have not heard the last of Yamcha!'

...What he said.

Join us again for the next episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

So yeah, I cut Oolong from this episode. I expect he will be showing up later, if only because I like his character. But for now he's not part of the group, probably because of being manhandled by Kakarot. This episode is actually one of my favorites during the early run, because I am, believe it or not, a die hard fan of Yamcha. I feel his character got a really raw deal in the original, and I mean to correct that somewhat, power levels be damned.

As for the flash forwards, once again, ten points for the person who guesses what Kakarot's dream was about, though I don't expect it will be very hard. These visions will definitely have a place in the upcoming story, and I'm only now developing that place.

Also, which famous mythological tale did I reference in the vision sequence? Twenty points for that one, because I expect it will be more difficult. Here's a hint: It got a very famous movie made about it.

Aside from the visions, not much of a change to this chapter. I made the fight between Kakarot and Yamcha a bit less silly, but that's about it. That and they didn't bring Oolong.

Here's to updating two days in a row. See you soon!


	6. The Theft

**Chapter Six: The Theft**

The sun was setting red in the distance of the barren realm of the Diablo Desert. Within the comfort of their home, Yamcha and Paur relaxed after their battle. Paur poured Yamcha some tea she had made, which Yamcha sipped gratefully. When they had finished it, he set his cup down. 'Let's get going Paur, we can't let those two slip through our fingers.'

'Huh?' said Paur 'But what about the girl Yamcha. Remember?'

Yamcha chuckled. 'Leave that to me, I've got a plan.'

He did not, as a point of fact, really have a plan, but he could think on his feet.

* * *

Kakarot and Bulma were now taking cover in what shelter one of the many rock faces could provide. Without capsules or other technology, it fell to Kakarot to provide the meal. Having caught a number of rats, he was now cooking them over a fire he had started.

Bulma did not look enthusiastic about the meal. 'Kakarot, I can't eat rats!'

'Well then you'll just have to starve.' said Kakarot bluntly. 'Don't worry, after you waste away from hunger I'll continue the quest with the Dragon Radar myself. Your sacrifice will be remembered.'

'Like hell, you will!' snapped Bulma 'The dragon radar is mine, you got that!'

'Sure, sure,' said Kakarot ruefully. 'whatever. Now do you want your rat on a stick or not?' He offered her one, and Bulma took it fearfully.

'Couldn't you have found some other type of animal?' she asked.

'It's a desert,' said Kakarot 'do you have any idea how much water larger animals need to survive? We're lucky we found even this much. Oh, and don't take more than a few sips of your waterskin, we'll need it later.' Then he began munching on his rat.

Bulma managed to restrain herself from eating for a few moments before hunger took over and she devoured it. The meat was grisly and unpleasant, and it was all she could do not to throw up as she wolfed it down. When she was done, she sipped from the water skin. Kakarot had gotten water from a cactus which he had punched a hole in with his power pole. Then she closed it, before setting it down.

Her clothes itched. She had been sweating all day. 'This isn't fair!' she screamed suddenly. 'It was supposed to just be a quick trip around the world before I got my wish! I wasn't supposed to be attacked by dinosaurs, ambushed by bandits, and forced to eat rat on a stick!'

'So does this mean you don't want your share-' began Kakarot.

'Hands off!' snapped Bulma, before quickly devouring the other rat on a stick she had been given. Finally, she stared at the ground. 'Oh, if only we had dragged Oolong with us.'

'Oh come on, he was clearly useless.' said Kakarot 'What could he have possibly done to improve the situation?'

'Yeah,' she said sadly 'I guess you are right.' She sighed. 'I hope I see Yamcha again. He was so shy and so handsome.'

'He tried to kill us.' said Kakarot incredulously before he thought better of it. 'Actually, I shouldn't complain, that was the most fun I'd had in years. So screw it, go ahead and daydream.'

'I need a change of clothes.' The first thing I'm going to do when I get home…' said Bulma 'I'm going to take a year long bath. What about you Kakarot?'

'Me?' he blinked 'I've spent my whole life living in the wilds. This is home for me.'

The night came on in due time, and they went to sleep. As Kakarot kept watch outside, he noticed Bulma shivering in one corner of their cover. He only wished he had a cloak so he could throw it over her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yamcha made his way through the desert, followed by Puar until he came to the place where they were hiding. 'Hmm, looks like they don't have any kind of transportation. What kind of moron travels in the desert without extra dino caps? Whatever, let's get to work.'

'But what about the girl?' asked Puar.

'Easy,' said Yamcha 'all we have to do is lure her out of there for a few minutes. Then we sneak in and rob them blind.' He laughed out loud.

'Your starting to scare me.' noted Puar with a bit of sarcasm. 'Also, we'll never be able to lure out the girl without getting rid of the boy standing guard there.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'your right.' He remained silent as he listened in.

* * *

Bulma was actually very pretty. The realization hit Kakarot quite suddenly, and he didn't really know what to think of it. He'd been aware that she considered herself to be a great beauty, but he had no frame of reference for beauty. Even so, he found the way her blue hair fell around her face oddly appealing somehow.

'Have you been watching me all night, kid?' asked Bulma suddenly from where she lay.

'Yes,' admitted Kakarot 'you tend to get into trouble so I thought it was a valid precaution.'

'Do you think we're safe here?' asked Bulma, as she rose up.

'I wouldn't worry,' said Kakarot 'I can handle dumb animals. The worst that can happen is that a master martial artist will rob us and take our stuff. Although given that the only thing of value we possess is the dragonballs that could be pretty disastrous. Assuming they actually grant any wish you want when you gather them together, of course.'

She sat down across from him by the mouth of the cave. 'Yeah, I guess. Let's just try to gather all seven of them and then figure it out from there. There had better be a real dragon.'

Something occurred to Kakarot, a curiosity which would not leave him alone. 'Hey, Bulma, when you get the Dragon Balls, what are you planning to wish for?'

She looked at him and opened her mouth to speak. Then for some reason, she closed it. 'Tell you what, when we get the sixth dragon ball, I might tell you.'

'Sure, by all means, keep me in suspense.' said Kakarot.

Then he heard something, the sound of a vehicle heading across the desert. He drew his power pole and stepped forward. 'Bulma stay here. I'm going to go check something out.'

* * *

There was a definite silence amongst Yamcha and Puar as they watched Kakarot make his way into the darkness after something. When the coast was clear, Yamcha smiled.

'Artifacts that can grant any wish?' reflected Yamcha 'If I could get those, I could wish away my fear of women!'

'But Yamcha,' said Puar 'if you got them you could rule the world, and gain all the riches in it.'

Yamcha looked at her in annoyance as he stood. 'Come on, how long have you been with me?'

'It's been two years, one month, and three days,' said Puar.

'After all this time I thought you would have known me by now.' reflected Yamcha as he turned his back to her.

'I thought so too.' said Puar in disappointment.

'Well my furry friend you don't, I have no aspirations to rule the world.' he said 'Understand?'

'I think I do.' said Puar.

'No, what I really want is to get married.' said Yamcha. 'From now on we have only those Dragonballs in our sights. We'll get them, mark my words. Now let's get to work.'

* * *

Launch, a voluptuous blonde bombshell in a yellow tank top and shorts, drove her car at breakneck speed in the middle of the night, her car loaded with money. She had hit a string of banks and gotten filthy rich in the process. Now she was racing onwards to use her ill-gotten gains, home free. And then she saw a kid walk into the middle of the road. He looked about twelve, and despite herself, she hit the breaks.

No nonsense criminal she might have been, but running over a kid was just bad form. He stood there in the headlights, a frown on his face and a toy staff in his hand. She got out the car, and stepped forward, leaving the door open. 'Alright you little punk, I don't know or care who you are, but scram! I've just finished the heist of the century, and unless you want to end up peppered with bullets, you'd better run back to mommy!'

The boy remained silent, looking her over. 'Your clothes. Give them to me.'

Launch had a very short temper and very little patience. 'I'll give you this, punk!' she snapped, before spraying him full of bullets with her glock.

The boy fell to the ground, riddled with bullets. Served the little punk right.

At that moment the wind kicked up and blew dirt into her nose. Launch sniffed, and then sneezed as her other side took over. Her hair turned blue, and Launch suddenly had no idea what she was doing here, or how it had happened.

'Oh my god,' she said 'did… did I do this?'

The boy rose up to his feet, eyes flaring red and Launch took a step back. Then the boy surged forward, and shoved her to the ground, hand around her neck and tightening. 'Give. Me. Your. Clothes.'

Terrified, Launch strained to answer. Eventually, her neck was released and she gasped for air, scrambling back in fear. Then, as Kakarot watched, she began to pull off her clothes. Once she was standing in the middle of the desert in nothing but her underwear, Kakarot picked up the garments, walked over to the car and threw them in. He shut the door.

Then he picked the car up with his bare hands. 'By the way, I'm taking your car. Have fun walking back to civilization.'

Then he walked off.

Launch's blonde half was by nature the one who was unkind, however, her blue counterpart felt the need to borrow something from that side of her personality. 'What a jerk.'

* * *

Kakarot had been gone for some time. The sound of gunfire had echoed distantly over the desert, but nothing else. Yamcha turned to Puar. 'Alright, that's long enough. Puar, I want you to change into the form of that boy and lure the girl outside.'

'Okay Yamcha,' said Puar, before transforming into a perfect likeness of Kakarot.

Puar made her way into the open and into the cave. There Bulma was waiting. 'Kakarot, your back. What were you gone for so long about?'

'Nothing too important,' said Puar 'there is something I want to show you. Follow me.'

Reluctantly Bulma followed behind her out of sight. At once Yamcha crept up into the cave and made his way over to where she had left her pack. Kneeling down by it, he searched through the contents and, finding the Dragonballs, quickly put them into his sack. Then with that done, he turned and rushed out of the cave.

On and on they went until eventually, Bulma got sick and tired. 'Alright Kakarot, what is it you want to show me, and why are you acting so weird?'

'It's just up here.' said Kakarot, before turning around and disappearing in a poof of smoke. In its place stood a blue cat. 'Tricked you good huh?'

'What?' said Bulma 'What do you mean-'

'I'm just distracting you so that Yamcha can steal the dragonballs!' proclaimed Puar 'See ya, sucker!' Then she transformed into a bat and flew away.

Bulma turned and raced back towards the cave. Yet when she found it, there was no one there. Racing up into the cave, she searched through the pack. Finally, she fell to her knees in despair. '…They're gone. They took our Dragonballs.'

Then quite abruptly the real Kakarot showed up at the cave mouth, as morning dawned. 'Hey Bulma, I got you the car and change of clothes you wanted. This way we should be able to get where we need to go in a few days instead of weeks or months.' He paused. 'Alright, what happened?'

'Yamcha took our dragonballs!' said Bulma as she stood up. 'That jerk I'll never forgive him!'

'Wait… Yamcha was here?!' said Kakarot 'Why didn't you shout?!'

'I didn't know!' said Bulma 'That little blue cat which follows him around made itself look just like you, and led me out into the open! While I was here Yamcha stole our dragonballs! NOOO!' She shrieked, tearing at her hair. 'All that work, all that effort, and now it's all for nothing! I'll never be able to wish for the perfect boyfriend now!'

There was a long, long silence of the stunned variety.

'The perfect boyfriend?' asked Kakarot. 'You were going to travel across the world, searching for seven little balls that could grant you any wish you want. And you were going to wish for the perfect boyfriend?'

'Oh shut up Kakarot, as if you'd understand!' snapped Bulma.

'Try me.' he said.

'I graduated highschool by the time I was twelve!' snapped Bulma 'I got my drivers license at fourteen! For my entire life I've been way ahead of everyone around me. Everyone either shuns me out of jealousy or tries to suck up to me. If I ever went out with a guy they would only go out with me because my father was rich, and I don't know how to talk to people and… and…' She gripped her hands and began to cry, tears streaming down her cheeks to hit the cave floor. She wiped them away with a tragic countenance. 'Nevermind, it doesn't matter now. We'll never be able to make a wish now.'

'Bulma, would it dry up the waterworks if I told you that this is barely even a setback?' asked Kakarot.

She stopped. '…Maybe.'

'It doesn't matter who has five dragonballs and who has none right now.' said Kakarot 'It matters who has all seven when the time comes to make a wish. Yamcha can't do a damn thing with his balls but hold on to them. And since they are so valuable, he'll have to keep them on him. So all we have to do is get at least one dragonball which he doesn't have, and sooner or later he'll have to come after us.

At that point, we steal the dragonballs back, make some distance between them and us, and make our wish. I say our wish because we're in this together.' he walked to stand in front of her, and offered her a hand. 'Now get on your feet partner, we've got work to do.'

She looked up at him, and their eyes met for longer than Kakarot was comfortable with. Then she took his hand and stood. 'Thanks, Kakarot.' she said 'You know, for a total weirdo, you aren't so bad sometimes.'

'Let's just get to the car.'

They made their way out into the sunlight and got into the car. Bulma found the keys in the ignition and gunned the engine which whirred to life in a healthy roar that intensified as they raced off across the sands to seek the sixth dragon ball. Whatever challenges were ahead, they would face them together.

'Kakarot,' said Bulma, glancing to the back seat. 'where did you get this car and why is it filled with cash?'

Right after Kakarot finished answering some extremely awkward questions.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Holy crap, I updated. I'd just like to take a moment to apologize humbly for delaying this update by nearly a year. The problem was that I was drawing from the English Dub. And I couldn't find any episodes past number five in English. I guess they took them all down. in the end, I had to 'gasp' **_BUY THE DVDs!_** So yeah, hopefully, next chapter will come by sooner.

Whatever the case, I'm quite proud of this chapter. I originally planned to skip this episode entirely, because Oolong isn't here to give them his car. However, there are actually a lot of important events that take place in episode six.

As for Bulma in this fic, I decided to do something new with her. See Bulma in the original story is able to keep her spoiled demeanor because she gets just enough contact with civilization so that she could do nothing but complain and be ungrateful. Without Oolong, she has to rely on Kakarot to catch and cook food for them.

As for her motivation for wanting the perfect boyfriend, I can't help but notice that Bulma doesn't seem to have much of a social life outside of the Z Fighters. I theorize that her brilliance caused her to be somewhat socially isolated, as anyone who dated her would have to put up with having a girlfriend way smarter than he was. This might have caused her to seek the Dragonballs as an outlet.

Also, am I the only one who thinks that Yamcha is a much better boyfriend than Bulma is a girlfriend? Just saying.


	7. Fire Mountain

**Chapter Seven: The Ox King of Fire Mountain**

The car sped along green fields and tropical trees, racing over a dirt road lined with ferns. It was a bright sunny day outside, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The distant mountains loomed shrouded in mist when Kakarot glanced out his window. The back window of the car was blocked by all the money which had been piled in great bags behind it.

They had been driving for hours at this stage, mostly in silence. Bulma had ragged Kakarot's ear off for robbing someone, however, he couldn't help but notice that she took both the car and also put on the new clothes. She looked pretty good in them, actually, and Kakarot appreciated the somewhat low cut nature of the clothes. Even so, apparently when Yamcha went around robbing people it made him dreamy, but when Kakarot did it it was unacceptable.

'Geez, we've been driving for hours.' said Bulma as she drove. 'How much longer until we get there?'

'What I'd like to know is what 'there' is.' said Kakarot.

'It's a place called Fire Mountain,' said Bulma 'supposedly it's always on fire and is guarded by a terrible giant who kills anyone who tries to steal his treasure or something. I don't know, I don't really remember.'

'That seems important information to forget.' noted Kakarot.

'Will you relax,' said Bulma 'it's not like any of the stories are real. How could a whole mountain really be on fire?'

'Maybe we should withhold judgment until we see the damn thing.' said Kakarot.

As they pressed on, Bulma fanned herself with one hand, breathing heavily. 'I gotta admit, it is getting hotter all of a sudden.'

'Why is it dusk all of a sudden?' asked Kakarot.

As they came over a hill they saw the whole sky lit up with brilliant orange. Bulma looked on, finding it quite beautiful. 'Wow, that's really nice.'

'Or its fire mountain.' said Kakarot.

They saw fire mountain for the first time. Really saw it for the first time.

'No way! It's real!'

* * *

Meanwhile on a car driving behind them, Yamcha stood watching their quarry with interest. He had set a tracker on their car without their knowing about it, and now was following them. They had five dragonballs, but not the rest. Which was why they were going to let them gather the others before stealing them. He glanced down to where Puar was doing the driving. 'You'd better ease back, my friend. We don't want to be spotted just yet.'

'Right!' said Puar.

They were now making their way towards fire mountain, the legendary home of a terrible giant. Or so the rumors said, the ox king.

They eventually pulled to a halt as they came within sight of Fire Mountain. Bulma stared in shock. 'Wow! I've never seen anything like it!'

Yamcha leaped out onto the top of the car and stared. An inferno blazed without relent upon the knees of the mountain, reaching high to near the peak. The heat of it could be felt upon his face as he stared. Through the smoke and flames, a castle could be perceived on the peak, as black as a moonless night. It cast a shadow over the length and breadth of the land.

* * *

'How the hell are we going to climb that?' asked Kakarot.

'We have to try.' said Bulma 'No silly bonfire is going to scare me away.'

'Maybe I'll get to fight that Ox King guy.' said Kakarot.

'That's the spirit partner.' she said 'He probably has the ball in the first place!' There was a pause. 'Do you think he lives up there in the castle?'

'I don't see how he could.' said Kakarot 'He'd have to get through those flames. And not just him, but his servants, and his guests and any subjects he might have. And they would have to do it on a daily basis, so yeah, probably not.

Which begs the question… why did he start the fire?'

'According to legend he didn't start the fire.' said Bulma 'He paid a magician to create a flame to protect his castle from thieves. Then it raged out of control and he's been stuck outside it ever since. Or it was always burning since the world's been turning, I don't know.'

'How do you know all this?' asked Kakarot.

'I… read a few books about real life legends.' said Bulma. 'Let's go kid.'

* * *

Puar lowered her binoculars.

'They're on the move again, Yamcha.' said Puar.

'Your right Puar,' said Yamcha 'and their heading straight to Fire Mountain. I bet that means the sixth dragonball is up there in the Ox Kings castle.'

'Well that dragonball is lost.' said Puar.

'So you don't think they have a chance?' asked Yamcha.

'Actually, they have two chances,' said Puar 'slim and none. That dragonball is as good as gone.'

'Fair enough,' said Yamcha 'but let's stick around for the show anyway.'

'What show?' asked Puar.

'Come on, that kid Kakarot is such a blood knight I imagine he'll try to take on the Ox King. Don't you agree?' Also, since Yamcha was an even match with him if Kakarot won then so could Yamcha.

'Mmm hmm,' Puar wouldn't admit it, but she had been terrified that Kakarot would return while she was impersonating him. 'I suppose so.'

'And there you have it,' said Yamcha 'we get a chance to watch one of our enemies die.'

At that moment Yamcha heard a high pitched scream. Turning round, he saw a long dark haired girl clad in a pink bladed helmet and wearing violet and pink clothes that were far too revealing for a twelve-year-old, running away from a T rex, a blue cloak trailing behind her. Tears flew from her eyes as the T rex drew nearer, its massive jaws snapping at her.

'Somebody help!' she screamed, before turning around and hurling the blade from her helmet.

The T rex was beheaded in one strike, and the blade returned to her helmet. She opened her eyes and screamed. 'Ew, gross! Look what I've done, I chopped his head right off!' she then fired a blue energy beam from her forehead to annihilate the body of said T rex in a flash of light.

'…Now I've seen everything,' said Yamcha after a moment.

'I don't think she even had her eyes open, do you?' asked Puar.

Worse still, the girl was coming their way, still crying with her hands over her eyes. She stopped as she saw Yamcha, who blinked. 'Nice work,' said the bandit after a moment.

'I was told to never talk to strangers!' she yelled, before firing an energy beam at Yamcha, who leaped over it, before slamming her across the back of the head. She fell unconscious, and he stretched out one arm.

'That girl is dangerous.' he said. 'Alright Puar, we've wasted enough time here already. We'd better get back on the road.'

They got back into the car and drove off. As they did, something occurred to Puar. 'That girl was real cute Yamcha, so why didn't you get scared of her?'

'It's only girls my age that scare me, Puar.' said Yamcha in annoyance.

* * *

In the desecrated ruins of a burnt out town, Bulma and Kakarot looked around, finding nothing and no one. Bulma wiped the sweat from her brow with one hand as the crackling of the flames drew nearer. 'I just can't stand this heat…'

Kakrot in the mean time was tapping a skeleton with a stick. A cowboy hat was on its head.

'That sure is a massive fire,' said Bulma, before checking her dragon radar. 'the dragonball is definitely up in the castle. But how do we get it out of there? Kakarot, do you think you could use your power pole to get up there?'

Kakarot removed the skull from the skeletons shoulders and raised it on high. 'Alas poor cowboy skeleton, I hardly knew him, Bulma: a fellow of infinite jest and most excellent fancy.'

'Wait, so you've never met a girl before me, but you know Hamlet?' asked Bulma incredulously.

'What does that taste like?' asked Kakarot.

'Nevermind,' said Bulma 'can you get up there with your power pole or not?'

'Oh yeah,' said Kakarot in resignation. 'I'll just propel myself through the unyielding flames of hellfire, and pogo stick my way to victory. Stupid flying Nimbus.' He unsheathed his power pole and set it to the ground. 'Power pole extend.'

Then he was soaring through the air towards the castle. His path would take him just over the flames, and Kakarot braced himself for a great deal of pain.

'Get that dragonball Kakarot!'

Kakarot had a single moment to realize this might not have been a good idea. Then the scalding heat was burning him horribly, as the fire licked up over him. He screamed in pain as the smoke burned his eyes, his clothes catching alight. Desperately he moved his power pole to be facing opposite to the outside of the fire.

'Power pole extend!'

For a single moment, he was falling. Then he was soaring up out of the fire and smoke and hurtling through the air towards a lake. He landed with a splash, and remembered no more.

* * *

'Kakarot…' said Bulma, shocked.

It had seemed so simple, and now he might be dead. It hadn't yet set in, perhaps that was why she wasn't screaming. And then she was screaming because an axe hurtled past her left ear and planted itself in the stonework in front of her. Turning around in horror she saw a giant full three meters high. He was clad in a red cloak, and the top of his face was covered in a golden helmet. He had arms like tree trunks, and he loomed over her with terrible power.

'What are you doing here?!' he snarled.

'Uh… me…' she said 'I wasn't doing anything…'

'Don't tell me you've come to steal the treasures from my castle! Have you?!'

'No, no we weren't!' said Bulma quickly. 'I mean I wasn't!'

'Whose we?!'

'I… no one!'

'Are you lying?!' he roared as he loomed closer.

She was so dead. Where was Kakarot when you needed him?

* * *

Kakarot awoke to the realization that he was sinking. He swam upwards, forcing himself to surface until he rose spluttering to the top. His tail was singed, and he felt quite a few burns on his skin. Even so, the water had helped somewhat. Anyone else would have been dead, however.

'Kakarot!' came a cry of fear.

'Power pole extend!' he snapped.

Vaulting over the intervening distance, he landed before Bulma in a fouler mood than he had been in weeks. 'Use your power pole, Kakarot, you said. You can just vault over the flames you said. Why did I listen to you, you idiot!'

'Kakarot, your all right.' said Bulma 'I… I was afraid you were dead.'

'Obviously not.'

'AHA!' cried the Ox King 'I knew it! You are just stinking treasure hunters!'

'Yeah, your right.' said Kakarot 'Now hand over the dragonball or die.'

'You're the only one who's going to die!' snapped the Ox King, before bringing down his axe. Kakarot leaped back, dodging the strike, before retreating before an onslaught of assaults by the Ox King.

'Yeah! That's the way Kakarot! Keep him off balance!'

Kakarot waited until the Ox King struck the ground, then swiftly scrambled up his arm and kicked him across the back of the head. It attack had no effect, and he leaped back. 'What is this guy made of, pure metal?'

'I was trained by the great Master Roshi, the Turtle Hermit!' snapped the Ox King 'You can't possibly beat me!'

'Wait, you mean that old man who gave us a dragonball?' asked Kakarot.

'You know where I can find the Turtle Hermit!' said the Ox King.

Kakarot glanced over to Bulma. 'Hey, do you know where the Turtle Hermit lives? The Ox King wants to know.'

'Well, it's got to be close to the beach we were on.'

It was at this moment that the Ox King began a victory dance that shook the ground beneath him. 'Oh boy, I can finally go back to my castle! Oh boy oh boy!'

* * *

Yamcha sped through the ruins and his behind a bit of masonry, to watch the scene play out. The Ox King was looking at Kakarot with a friendly expression. 'Tell me, where did you get the little toothpick you carry around on your back?'

'It was my masters.' said Kakarot 'He gave it to me.'

'Was his name Gohan?' asked the Ox King.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'why do you ask?'

'Your master Gohan once tried to break that tooth pick on my head.' said the Ox King.

'You mean you and my Master once fought?' asked Kakarot in surprise.

'It seems our little friend knows the Ox King.' reflected Yamcha.

'This kid is starting to bug me.' said Puar.

'Okay, next question,' said Kakarot 'if you and my master fought, why are you still alive?'

'Because we were like brothers.' said the Ox King. 'Your master was the first pupil chosen by Master Roshi, and I had the honor of being the second. So you are Gohan's student?'

'I am Kakarot, and that is correct.' said Kakarot.

'Alright,' said the Ox King 'that's enough talk about the good old days. There is something extremely important I need to ask of you Kakarot.'

'Old Master Roshi has in his possession a very powerful fan made out of a palm leaf called the Bansho Fan.' said the Ox King. 'It's the only thing which will extinguish Fire Mountain. Will you go to Master Roshi and get the fan for me?'

'Oh yeah, sure,' said Kakarot sarcastically. 'we'll just drop everything and go several hundred miles out of our way to help someone who tried to put an axe in my skull. Can you hear the sarcasm in my tone there?'

'Please!' said the Ox King 'I will gladly reward you with your choice of the treasures in my castle!'

'…Very well,' said Kakarot 'do you possess an orange gemstone with a number of red stars within it?'

'I think I've seen one.' said the Ox King.

'I'll do this for you,' said Kakarot 'but only if you give me that for my trouble.'

'That a boy Kakarot!' cheered Bulma.

'There is one more thing,' said the Ox King 'I sent my only daughter Chi Chi to try and get the Bansho fan. However, I'm worried that something horrible might have happened to her. Please Kakarot, find her and bring her home safe.'

'At what point during this conversation did we become best buddies?!' snapped Kakarot 'I'm going to have to pole vault several hundred miles, after being singed by fire and nearly having my skull caved in by you! I'm not taking detours! Power pole extend!'

And then he was gone, vaulting over the landscape.

There was silence, the Ox King looking on in seeming disappointment. Bulma felt obliged to do something. 'Uh… listen Mr. Ox King sir, I know Kakarot can be a little rough around the edges, but I'd like to help if I can. I'll look for this Chi Chi if you like.'

The Ox King's manner brightened considerably. 'Great, here is a picture of her.'

And then he showed her the picture.

It was the girl Yamcha had seen before that was on the picture. The girl he had knocked out and left in the middle of the wilderness to wake up alone or die if a predator arrived while she was sleeping.

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking Yamcha?' asked Puar.

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I'm dead meat if that girl's not okay!'

They raced back to their car and took off at breakneck speed. They left a cloud of dust behind them as they roared down the dirt road. 'Puar the next time I try to knock out the daughter of a giant, please smack me real hard!'

Then he saw her, lying still and unconscious where she had been. 'There she is!' He halted the car and they leaped out to approach her. Chi Chi was lying where she had been before, stone cold still.

'Oh no,' said Puar 'she hasn't moved!'

Yamcha rushed to her side, turned her over and propped her up. 'Come on kid, wake up, please wake up! You can't be dead, please!' Then he noticed the rising and falling of her chest, and sighed in relief. 'She's breathing Puar. She's alive.'

Chi Chi opened her eyes and looked up at him. Then she pulled herself from his arms and put her hands to her head as if to fire a beam. Yamcha raised his hands in a gesture of peace, fear on his face. 'Ah! Don't shoot Chi Chi, I'm a friend!'

She blinked. 'How do you know my name is Chi Chi?'

Yamcha quickly composed himself and putting on a winning smile. 'Erm, let's just say I'm a secret admirer of yours. I didn't want to hurt you earlier, but you left me no choice.'

She looked at him, uncomprehending and Yamcha stood up, putting one hand in his pocket as he half turned away. 'If you really want to know the truth my darling, I'm in love with you. Ever since I first set eyes on you. Truly.'

Puar looked on in bemusement. Wasn't this going a bit far to ingratiate themselves to the Ox King. Chi Chi, however, blushed and seemed to take his words at face value. 'Wow, you are in love with me?' she asked.

'Of course,' said Yamcha, lying through his teeth. 'I really am.'

'Are you telling the truth?' asked Chi Chi.

'Just look into my face,' said Yamcha, turning around. 'Can you not see it for yourself.'

'Oh my,' she said 'you're actually quite handsome. You know, you are the first boy to ever say that he loves me…'

At this moment Kakarot came into sight, vaulting upon his power pole towards them. Yamcha sighed. 'Why does that not surprise me.'

Chi Chi in the meantime was deep in her own thoughts, oblivious to Yamcha running for his car with Puar. 'I wonder if papa will approve of him.' wondered Chi Chi to herself. 'Am I even old enough to have a boyfriend?'

'Let's get out of here!' said Yamcha, before zooming off.

'Oh my,' said Chi Chi 'this is all happening so fast. I just don't know what to think.' And then she started crying again quite loudly. She only halted once she heard the sound of the engine being gunned and stared after him. 'Hey, I wonder where he's going. I thought he loved me…'

* * *

Kakarot's arms were getting tired as he soared through the air with vault after vault. Aside from being extremely taxing there was nothing much to look at but endless green fields and hills he had seen before already. Then he noticed…. was that Yamcha? In a moments distraction, he got clumsy and accidentally set his pole on a loose stone. The stone fell over, and he slipped forward, heading towards the ground at a huge speed. He crashed into the ground head on, right near a dark haired girl who stared at him as he landed with a crash.

'I know,' she said 'he must be the shy type. How romantic…'

'Son of a bitch!' he snarled '"Oh Kakarot, please vault through the flames of fire mountain! Kakarot, save me from the Ox King! Kakarot please pole vault several hundred miles to find the Turtle Hermit with second-degree burns, and by the way please pick up my daughter Chi Chi who I was stupid enough to send off into the wilderness alone!"'

'Uh… excuse me…' said the girl.

'What!' snapped Kakarot, at his wit's end.

'You are the second boy today that knows my name is Chi Chi.' she said, before screaming suddenly and pointing at him. 'You must love me too!'

'…I'm sorry,' said Kakarot 'I can't help but feel as though I'm missing some context here.'

'But I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to have a boyfriend yet.' she said.

'Look,' said Kakarot 'your father asked me to help you find the Turtle Hermit. Well actually he asked me to find the Turtle Hermit, and to find you, and I was just going to ignore the second part but I found you anyway. The point is that I am, reluctantly, here to help.'

'Really,' she said 'that's so sweet of you.'

'What can I say?' he snapped 'I'm just a bleeding heart of generosity. Look can we just get going, I'm about ready to start vaulting again. I guess you can ride on my back when I start again, but let's move.' At that moment she reached out and took hold of his tail. Kakarot froze up, shuddering in place as his entire form went ridged.

'So it's real…' said Chi Chi 'Wow you have a tail.'

She let go and Kakarot landed with a crash. He rose up. 'Don't touch my tail! I lose all my powers when someone does that! I can't stand it!'

'Sorry, I didn't know.'

Little did they know, but they were being watched by Yamcha, who smiled. 'Well, it seems our amazing little friend has a weak point after all.' He made his way back and lounged upon the car as Kakarot and Chi Chi raced off.

'Yamcha, shouldn't we go after them?' asked Puar.

'Don't worry about it Puar,' said Yamcha 'he's going to have to come back to get the sixth dragon ball from the castle. And we'll be waiting right here for those fools. And after they get the seventh ball for us, then we'll make our move.'

'Huh?' she said.

'I'll grab that little monkey tail of his with my wolf fang fist.' said Yamcha with a smile.

* * *

Kakarot found that soaring across the lands with his power pole was a bit more difficult with Chi Chi on his back. Even so, he would admit that he did not mind the feeling of her clinging to him, though the added weight made it harder to control himself. The power poles length could stretch for miles when put to its longest, and he quickly made his way out of the desert and to lands he once knew.

Finally, he came to the sea and had to shorten his staff length to account for the water level. 'We might never find the Turtle Hermit at this rate. He's nowhere to be found!' Kakarot hissed. 'Isn't there anyone around here to ask for directions.'

'Whatever you say,' said Chi Chi with a giggle.

'Why are you laughing?' he asked incredulously.

'Oh about some hunk I just met.'

'Bulma is correct,' said Kakarot 'I simply do not understand women.' Then he spied something below, planted his power pole in the sea ground and lowered himself down. 'You, Dolphin creature, tell me where I may find the domain of Master Roshi.'

'Master Roshi?' asked the Dolphin 'Yeah, you just keep going in that direction and you can't miss his little island.' He pointed with one flipper.

'Thank you,' said Kakarot 'in the time of judgment you will be spared.' Then he continued vaulting onwards.

'I've never seen a fish like that.' noted Chi Chi.

Soon they came within sight of a small island, a patch of earth on the sea with a few palm trees on it. At the center of the island was a pink wooden house with a red roof with red letters on the top reading Kame House. A lawn futon lay on the beach.

'Wow,' said Chi Chi 'that must be it Kakarot!'

'Wow, whatever gave you that idea?' deadpanned Kakarot.

'Well, it is labeled Kame house.' she reflected.

'…Let's just find the Turtle Hermit, alright.' said Kakarot.

He landed upon the beach, and stepped out onto the firm ground, as Chi Chi stepped down, somewhat woozy. Kakarot stepped forward to see the Turtle Hermit looking out across the sea. 'You, Master Roshi, I need to speak with you.'

'Hey,' said Roshi 'speak your mind kid, I had the feeling I'd be seeing you again some day.'

'Uh… this is the great Master Roshi?' asked Chi Chi, doubt in her tone.

'Unimpressive, isn't he?' asked Kakarot in slight amusement.

'You know your people skills could use some work.' said Roshi.

'I don't care.' said Kakarot.

Our hero had found Master Roshi, but will he be able to fan out the flames of Fire Mountain? Join us next time for Dragon Ball!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we have Chapter Seven. Ordinarily, I make a rule of never updating any story without waiting at least a day between updates. However, considering my previous abysmal update schedule I figure I'm making up for lost time.

Fun fact, when I updated this story last it was at about six o'clock at night. When I woke up the following morning and checked the views, I found that I had received TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE VIEWS! In less than a day.

After an attendance rate like that, you guys deserve an early update or two.


	8. The Turtle Hermits true strength

**Chapter Eight: The Kamehameha Wave**

Roshi observed the two children before him in bemusement. He hadn't been expecting them quite so soon, admittedly, but he could deal with this. He looked at them and finally spoke. 'I'm not surprised to see you back here,' admitted Roshi after a moment. 'I see you've adapted to life without the flying nimbus quite well.'

There was a long pause as Kakarot glared at him. The silence which ensued was so thick that a knife would break in the attempt to cut it. Hell, a chainsaw would likely snap to pieces when set against it. Kakarot stared at Master Roshi with a look filled with absolute indifference and contempt. Roshi wondered what exactly he had done to warrant such a stare.

After a moment Roshi looked to Chi Chi, deciding to change the subject. 'So Kakarot, what happened to your friend here? Last time I saw her she was taller and older, and… bigger too. Now she's not-'

'Listen you depraved old bastard,' snapped Kakarot 'I've been set on fire, nearly drowned, assaulted with an axe by the Ox King, slammed into the ground at massive speed, and forced to endure your company for more than thirty seconds, all on the same day. This stretch of fewer than twenty-four hours has been one long line of traumatic events. So I think I'm pointing out the obvious when I say that I don't have time for small talk.' Well, that statement was brutal.

'Well, that's a little blunt.' said Roshi.

If Kakarot had a reason he didn't. 'For reasons beyond my comprehension the Ox King thinks you can help put out the fire on his mountain. So I'm here with Chi Chi to request you come and help him.'

'Well that doesn't sound too difficult-'

'And if you don't help,' said Kakarot 'I will kill you and everyone on this island, and then burn this cesspool to the ground.' What?

'Geez kid!' said Roshi 'Didn't anyone ever tell you that you're supposed to wait for an answer before you start making threats!'

'Actually yes,' admitted Kakarot 'I just find it comforting to my second-degree burns!' He roared, his voice echoing across the ocean. 'And by the way, you blind old fool, the girl you saw before was Bulma. This is Chi Chi. What, did their clear difference in appearance and age not penetrate to your fading and soon to be nonexistent brain? Or are you merely wasting my time with a poor attempt at sarcasm?'

Roshi stared at him in shock. 'Whatever happened to respect for your elders?'

Kakarot did not respond. Both of them then realized that at this point there were only two ways this conversation could go. They could either descend into a no holds barred fight to the death, or pretend as though they could afford to tolerate each others presence.

'Chi Chi's father is the Ox King.' said Kakarot finally.

'Really?' said Roshi.

'Mmhmm.' Chi Chi nodded.

'Hmm,' said Roshi as he turned to look out over the ocean, his back to them. 'the Ox King, hmm. Well I haven't heard from him in years, You know, I used to train that little guy-'

* * *

Kakarot and Chi Chi meanwhile were not listening. Chi Chi moved in close. 'Pss, Kakarot, are you sure this guy is Roshi?'

'How the hell should I know?' snapped Kakarot 'Maybe he was lying to me when he introduced himself.' He glanced over to where Roshi was telling some long and ancient story, which he couldn't care less about. Something about the Ox King and how he had been as a boy. 'Although he does seem to know the Ox King. It's not like we have anywhere else to check.'

'Yeah,' said Chi Chi 'we'll just see if he's for real.' She took a stance, her cloak flowing behind her in the wind. 'Before I believe that he's a martial arts master, he's going to have to prove it.'

Kakarot opened his mouth to object. 'You know what screw it, go ahead and kill him.'

She took hold of the blade on her head and focused on it. 'If he can avoid it, then he's Roshi…' Then she unleashed her weapon, which went spinning through the air towards the Turtle Hermit.

Time slowed down, as Roshi turned round with ease and brought his staff round to strike the blade with ease. Unfortunately, his staff was made of wood, and the blade of metal, so the blade hacked straight through and impaled itself into Roshi's skull. 'Ah!'

'Oh that's gotta hurt.' said the Turtle, who had been observing.

For his part, Kakarot burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed until he fell on his back, still laughing. Tears fell from his eyes, as he stopped making sounds and instead silently chuckled at the sight before him. Eventually, Roshi recovered, but Kakarot was still laughing like a madman.

'Laugh it up monkey boy.' snapped Roshi in irritation.

'I'm not sorry or anything,' admitted Kakarot as he gained control of himself. 'But…' he wiped a tear from his eye. 'H-how are you even alive?'

'You little runt!' snapped Roshi 'I'll have you know that I'm one of the strongest people in the world! Why I oughta…' Then he looked to Chi Chi, and had an idea. A terrible, awful, wonderful idea. 'Say girlie, would you like a gift?'

'A gift?' asked Chi Chi 'What kind of gift.'

'Oh nothing special,' said Roshi 'you just have to be able to ride it.'

'You twisted sick-' began Kakarot.

'Nimbus!' called Roshi.

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'I was thinking about something else.'

'What do you take me for?!' snapped Roshi as the golden cloud came into view.

'A pedophile.' said Kakarot bluntly.

'A pedo-wha?' asked Chi Chi.

'Nothing,' said Roshi 'you'll learn about it when you're older.' The golden cloud hovered in front of Chi Chi. 'Now this is the Nimbus cloud. If you can ride it, it's yours. But to do it you have to be pure of heart. Kakarot already tried and failed before you. Think you're up to it?'

Chi Chi set one hand to the cloud, and little by little pulled herself up until she was sitting on the cloud. 'Wow, I guess this means I'm pure of heart. Isn't this wonderful Kakarot?!' She looked at him with innocent eyes.

'Yes,' said Kakarot through gritted teeth. 'wonderful.'

'I guess your just not as good a person as she is.' reflected Roshi smugly. 'Maybe if you cut back on the wise cracks.'

'And maybe if I bash my power pole against your neck really hard so it'll break!' snapped Kakarot.

'You want a piece of me you little runt?!' asked Roshi, at his wit's end.

'Bring it on, old man.' said Kakarot 'A little girl took you down, I can beat you!'

'Uh…' said Chi Chi 'I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't think that's Master Roshi. The real Master Roshi would have stopped it.'

'Are you kidding?' asked Roshi 'Nobody alive could have blocked that, not even me!'

That's because your not Master Roshi!' she snapped 'Now tell us who you really are!'

'Look,' said Roshi, drawing out an ID. 'it's me. I am Roshi.'

Chi Chi looked at it in surprise, and got off the cloud. 'Oh no… papa is going to kill me! I'm sorry.' She then gripped the blade, and hauled on it. 'Here, I'll get it!' The blade came free and she fell back. Roshi also fell back, landing with a crash.

'…I still think he's not going to be of any help.' said Kakarot after a moment.

* * *

It took a few minutes to explain the situation more fully, and it wasn't really helped by the fact that Kakarot kept muttering death threats. Eventually Chi Chi finished, and Roshi blinked. 'The Bansho fan, yes I used to have one. Just one swing of it causes a massive wind. The second time its swung a rain cloud appears, and the third time it rains alot.'

'Wow,' said Kakarot 'if what you say is true then this expedition might not have been a complete waste of time.'

'Save it,' said Roshi 'the Bansho fan is very dangerous. I'm not sure you kids can handle it.'

'But we have to put out the flames on fire mountain.' said Chi Chi. 'Their so hot that me and my papa can't get back into our castle. Please help us Master Roshi.'

'Well the Bansho fan definitely could put out that fire.' reflected Roshi, turning his back on them. 'And since one good term deserves another… hmm… well I mean I suppose you've both given me some bad turns also, but that besides the point… the point is… Kakarot, I need to speak to you alone.'

'Great,' said Kakarot 'I can tell I'm not going to like this.'

Around the corner, Roshi faced Kakarot down. 'Now Kakarot, you are perhaps the most disrespectful and infuriating little boy I've ever met. However since I have a good heart, I'm willing to help you with the Bansho fan anyway. But there is something I need from you in return.'

'What is it?' asked Kakarot suspiciously.

'You remember that other girlfriend of yours, Bulma?'

'What about her?' he asked.

'Yeah I was perhaps wondering if you could convince her to pay an old man a visit.' said Roshi, face going red. 'Perhaps take a romantic moonlight stroll around the island.'

'But Master,' said the Turtle 'you know that dating is against your code!'

'Shhh,' said Roshi 'and its not a date. Its a walk.'

'Hopeless…' murmured the Turtle.

'Who asked you, you goodie goodie!' snapped Roshi 'Besides, can't a tired old man near the end of his life have a little fun before he goes.'

'No,' said Kakarot.

'…You know I'm not really asking for much here kid.' said Roshi in a tired tone.

'The Ox King is your student.' said Kakarot 'You have an obligation to help him. I shouldn't have to bribe you to do your damn job. And anyway if you were at all serious about all those fond memories you spent an hour talking about you aren't just going to stay here and do nothing.'

Roshi looked at him, their gazes challenging each other. 'I just might for all you know.'

'Oh well,' said Kakarot 'then I guess you can explain to poor little Chi Chi over there that your perverted fantasies are more important to you than her home.'

'Also you already drunk the waters of youth,' noted the Turtle. 'so you know you aren't anywhere near your end.'

'Why you rotten little traitor!' said Roshi, waving his stick.

'Look are you going to help us or not?'

* * *

Chi Chi had been waiting awhile. Then suddenly Kakarot strode round the corner smiling. 'Hey Chi Chi, we get to borrow the Bansho Fan, free of charge.'

Chi Chi leaped for joy. 'Yay!'

* * *

Thirty minutes or so passed as the Turtle Hermit entered his house. Through the window they watched as Roshi went back and forth, searching for the Bansho Fan. Finally he looked out the window and called. 'Hey Turtle do you remember where I put that blasted fan?'

'You were using it as a place mat the last time I saw it.' said the Turtle.

'A place mat?' asked Chi Chi.

'Oh dear me, that was the Bansho Fan?' said Roshi 'I spilt some juice on it so I threw it away because it was all sticky.'

'…Are you sure your the Turtle Hermit?' asked Kakarot.

'Yes!' said Roshi.

Chi Chi made a small sound, and then she covered her eyes and began crying. 'We can't put out the fire…'

'And I'm never going to get the dragonball.' said Kakarot in a low tone. 'Fix this now.'

'Stop!' said Roshi, voice determined. 'It looks like I'm just going to have to go to Fire Mountain and put out those flames myself.'

'And you are actually capable of this feat?' asked Kakarot doubtfully.

'Why of course!' said the Turtle Hermit. 'There is nothing Master Roshi can't do!'

'Except keep track of ancient artifacts, it seems.' reflected Kakarot.

'Shut up, kid.' said the Turtle.

Roshi made his way over to the door and exited, making his way into the sunlight, newly repaired staff in hand. He was suddenly clad in new garments, and orange overshirt, and sunglasses instead of his casual demeanor before. 'Alright, lets go!'

'Was the change of clothes really necessary?' asked Kakarot.

'Of course,' said Roshi 'I gotta look sharp for the occasion!'

'Slight problem,' said Kakarot 'neither one of us can ride the flying nimbus. And I am not carrying you on my back.'

'Eheheheheh,' said Roshi 'don't worry about that son. I think I can find another ride. Come to me, Baby Gamela!'

At that moment a spinning rock like thing came out of the sky and landed before him, revealing itself to be a very large turtle thing. 'At your service,' It said.

'I need to take an express spin over to Fire Mountain.' said Roshi.

'Sure,' said Baby Gamela.

'Okay,' said Roshi, glancing to the Turtle. 'behave yourself.'

'Hey, I don't find that the least bit funny.' said the Turtle.

'I'm gone,' said Kakarot as he drew his power pole. 'lets go Chi Chi.'

'Okay kids,' said Roshi 'I'll be along shortly!'

Kakarot extended his power pole and went off into the air, as Chi Chi followed behind on her flying nimbus. As they raced back over the landscape, Kakarot found himself hard pressed to keep up with the flying nimbus. It seemed that no matter how fast he went, Chi Chi aways remained ahead of him.

'Wow Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'its a real pity you can't sit on this. This Flying Nimbus is the best!' She soared too and fro, while Kakarot continued to shove himself through the air.

'Do you think he can really put out Fire Mountain Kakarot?' asked Chi Chi.

'I think he can die in the attempt.' said Kakarot 'Either way I win.'

'Your not really a very nice person are you?' asked Chi Chi.

'You just realized that?'

Chi Chi was alright, Kakarot reflected.

* * *

Later they met back up at Fire Mountain, and found the Ox King waiting for them. He greeted them kindly, and embraced Chi Chi warmly. Then he heard the news.

'What!' he said 'The Bansho Fan is ruined?!

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'apparently Roshi is coming to put the fire out himself, but I don't buy it.'

'I don't believe it.' said the Ox King.

'He's right there.' said Kakarot, pointing with one finger.

Then Roshi came spinning down towards them to land in the village. Suddenly with a cry, Roshi leaped off his transport and shot down towards the ground to land on his feet. And despite himself, Kakarot suddenly found himself far more likely to believe that Roshi could do as he claimed. Something had changed about him. He could not pinpoint exactly what it was.

Suddenly Ox King rushed forward. 'Master Roshi, its really you!' Then the massive giant prostrated himself before the old man. Such was the force of his prostration however, that Roshi was sent flailing backwards. Quite suddenly the moment was over.

'I'm sorry papa,' said Chi Chi 'he wasn't like this when we found him.'

'Thats the one drawback to riding Gamela,' reflected Roshi 'he makes you so dizzy, its hard to adjust.'

Despite himself Kakarot was impressed. That Roshi was able to stand at all after effectively spinning his way across hundreds of miles was certainly a testament to his control. Though he still didn't understand why he was suddenly taking the old mans seriously.

'Are you going to put out the fire now?' asked Kakarot, surprised that he didn't have any snarky commentary.

'Wait,' said Roshi 'first things first!' He turned to the Ox King and just looked at him. He looked at him so hard, and sternly that the Ox King fell down and bowed before him, averting his eyes in shame. 'I've heard about you, you big old Ox!' snapped Roshi 'Hurting people over a silly treasure! Is that how you show respect to the master who taught you!'

'I'm so sorry Master,' pleaded the Ox King. 'please forgive me!'

Kakarot was speechless. Here was a giant of sufficient strength and power that Kakarot hadn't even been able to stun him, and Roshi had turned him into a puddle of jelly with his gaze alone. Despite himself he was beginning to wonder if he hadn't been bullying a dragon by trying to start a fight with Roshi,

'I guess I'm not worthy…' whined the Ox King, breaking into pitiful sobs. 'I beg of you, please forgive me master…'

Roshi's expression softened and he reached out to pat him on the helmet. 'Oh stop your blubbering you big oaf, I forgive you.' Then he turned to the raging inferno he had come to deal with. 'Now you mean to tell me that you can't put out that fire yourself? Whats wrong, too old?'

'Oh,' said the Ox King 'yes Master Roshi.'

Then Master Roshi stepped forward. 'Its time to cool this mountain down!'

'Hmm,' said the Ox King 'sounds like he is ready for action, doesn't it?'

'Yeah!' said Chi Chi.

Roshi stood in the shadows cast by the flames, the fire reflecting off his sunglasses as he stood dignified and powerful. Then he narrowed his eyes, and cast off his turtle shell, throwing aside his staff, before opening his shirt. He cast that aside too, and stood shirtless, his thin frame still muscular. 'Well here goes,' he said, before leaping atop the wall, looking a touch unsteady as he did so.

'So he can really do this, huh?' asked Bulma doubtfully.

'Don't underestimate the master.' said Ox King.

'Okay, ready.' said Roshi.

Suddenly his muscles bulged outward, as he took on the hulking frame of a wrestler. Taking a stance, he focused, his entire frame radiating with power. He put forth his hands as he began to glow with a supernatural light.

'Now watch this,' said the Ox King 'its the masters Kamehameha wave!'

* * *

From where they watched in a combination of fear and awe, Yamcha and Puar trembled.

'Whats he doing?' asked Puar 'I think we should get out of here!'

'Wait,' said Yamcha 'I've heard of this technique. Right now he's gathering all of the latent energy in his body. Then he's going to release it all at once!' He couldn't help but show the awe in his tone. 'But I've never seen it in action before!'

* * *

His preparations done Roshi put out his hands, before drawing them back.

'Kaaaaaa…..'

He cupped them together by his side.

'Meeeee…..'

He pulled his arms back, as the energy intensified.

'Haaaaa….'

Power surged around him.

'Meeeee….'

He put his hands forth and unleashed his full power.

'HAAAA!'

White light engulfed the landscape as a beam of light surged forward towards the mountain. There was a moment of brilliant radiance when nothing could be seen but Roshi, and light. Then nothing could be seen at all.

Then Roshi was standing there, no longer packed with muscles, and looking quite ordinary. 'I'm done…'

'Wow…' said Kakarot. 'I… I don't…'

'Master,' said the Ox King 'the fire… its out but… you kind of… well the mountain and my castle.'

Roshi glanced back, and stood up in surprise. Fire Mountain was no more. In its place was a perfectly flat pile of rubble. 'Uh… not bad for an old man I guess. I'm not as rusty as I thought. Sorry about that.'

Everyone fell over.

* * *

Later Kakarot and Bulma walked through the wreckage, looking for the dragonball. 'How the hell are we going to find the dragonball now?' asked Kakarot. 'Assuming it wasn't destroyed by the Turtle Hermit.'

'No worries Kakarot,' said Bulma, fiddling with her radar. 'dragonballs can't be destroyed, and besides I'm still picking up a signal. I'll just adjust the scale here, and I've already got a reading. It should be fifty yards in that direction over there…'

They began to pick their way through the rubble, halting every so often to look under loose stones. 'Are we nearly there?' asked Kakarot.

'Almost,' said Bulma 'we're really close now…'

Here words did not prove prophetic. They searched and searched without end, not finding anything until both of them sat down in exhaustion. 'This is absurd, Bulma.' said Kakarot 'Are you sure dragonballs are indestructible?'

'Ugh!' said Bulma in frustration. 'Its got to be here somewhere!'

She moved one last rock, and found beneath it the seven star ball. 'Yeah! I found it!' she cheered. 'Check it out Kakarot! Now there is only one more to go! Yes! Yippee! Woohoo! YAAAY!'

'You know, we do still have to steal the dragonballs back from Yamcha.' said Kakarot.

'Oh come on Kakarot, let me have this.' said Bulma 'We can worry about details later.'

They made their way together back to where Roshi and Ox King were sitting down together, resting. Chi Chi was also with them.

'Thank you so much for putting out the fire, master.' said Ox King. 'It feels better here already.'

'Oh don't thank me.' said Roshi 'I feel bad about wrecking your castle.'

'Don't feel bad,' said Chi Chi 'we can always build ourselves a new one.'

* * *

Yamcha watched all this, thinking. _'So that little old man really is the great Master Roshi. Extrordinary.'_

* * *

As Kakarot returned he approached Master Roshi, feeling rather sheepish. How to go about saying what needed to be said. 'Listen uh… I don't ordinarily apologize for saying or doing things but… I was wrong. I took you for a complete fool who couldn't do anything right. Obviously I was completely wrong.'

'Apology accepted, for what its worth.' said the Turtle Hermit. 'Anything else?'

'Can you teach me how to do that?' asked Kakarot suddenly.

'Sure,' said Roshi 'but it'll take you fifty years to learn the Kamehameha wave.'

'Fifty years?' asked Kakarot. 'I… don't really have that kind of time.'

'Master,' said Ox King 'why don't you stay here and live with us?'

'Thanks,' said Roshi 'but I really do enjoy living by myself.'

Meanwhile, Kakarot was trying to do a Kamehameha wave against the car he had stolen. 'KaaameeehaaameeeHAAAA!' he said as he did the moves.

And to everyones great surprise, he sent a beam of white and blue light surging towards the wall to explode into flame, destroying the car completely. He looked at his hands. 'Damn, I was no where near the Turtle Hermits level.'

'Excellent,' said Ox King 'well thats Gohan's pupil.'

'What?' said the Turtle Hermit, looking up. 'Kakarot is Gohan's pupil?'

'But I thought you knew that already,' said Ox King.

'Actually I didn't,' said Roshi 'oh I remember Gohan speaking of a child with a tail. So thats him, huh?' He smiled slightly. 'Gohan must be training the boy himself.' Making his way over to Kakarot he looked at him. 'So tell me kid, how is your Master doing?'

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'he… uh… he died awhile back.'

'Oh,' said Roshi, eyes filled with emotion, and he suddenly looked truly ancient. 'I see. I'm very sorry to hear that.' It was rare that Master Roshi truly felt old. His youth was kept constant because of the water he had drunk all those years ago. Yet now he felt the full effects of his age. 'Hey, I've got a great idea. How about you come to train on my island and I'll train you personally. You've got some serious attitude issues to work through, but I think you could make a great martial artist one day.'

'It would be interesting to have the same teacher my Master did,' reflected Kakarot ruefully. 'I may just take you up on that.'

* * *

'Whats this?' asked Yamcha 'Master Roshi doesn't just take on students easily! And here he is asking that kid to be his pupil.'

'Maybe we should just forget about the dragonballs.' suggested Puar.

'No, wait,' said Yamcha 'all we have to do is grab that stupid little tail of his and he'll be like putty in our hands.'

'But what if we're not able to get to his tail, Yamcha?' asked Puar.

'Just leave that to me and my Wolf Fang Fist.' said Yamcha.

* * *

The car was wrecked. One of its wheels had fallen off, and the metal was melted and twisted horribly. It would never move again.

'Hey, who did this?' asked Bulma.

'That would be me.' said Kakarot.

'Kakarot, you idiot!' snapped Bulma 'You blew up our only means of transportation!'

'Kakarot does giveth and taketh away.' replied Kakarot with crossed arms.

'Its okay,' said Ox King 'you can use one of my cars.'

'Really?' said Bulma 'Thats so nice of you.'

'The boy has done so well today,' said Ox King 'I think he deserves a little reward.'

He tossed a capsule and it landed before poofing into existence a green open hatched car. Bulma sat down in it in the drivers seat. 'Oh my, thank you!'

'My thanks, Ox King.' stated Kakarot 'When the end of all things is brought about by my hand, your kindness shall not be forgotten.'

Bulma checked her radar. 'Hey, this next dragonball is really far away. I'll have to switch my dragon radar over to long range. Ah, there it is. Alright Kakarot, lets go!'

'One moment Bulma,' said Kakarot, before turning to Chi Chi, who had a pensive look on her face. 'whats up?'

'Oh its nothing,' said Chi Chi 'I was just wondering if you were ever going to think about me again.'

'Believe me,' said Kakarot 'after the day I've had today, thats a positive certainty.'

A blush came to her face. 'Oh my, your so funny.' she turned away.

Suddenly Kakarot found himself wondering a similar question. 'Chi Chi, do you think your ever going to think about me again?'

'Oh my gosh!' said Chi Chi, before covering her eyes.

Bulma drove the car a bit away so that they had a clear shot at the road. Then they paused to wave goodbye to their… friends. The thought was a weird one to Kakarot. Then the engine was gunned, and they roared back onto the open road. The wind blew through their hair as they set out once again, for whatever adventure awaited them next!

'So,' said Bulma with a knowing look. 'looks like someone has a crush.'

'Oh shut up,' said Kakarot 'just shut up.'

What new and exciting adventures will await Kakarot and Bulma on their journey? Find out next time, on dragonball!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So yeah, this might be a good time to say that I find the objectification of Bulma in dragonball somewhat creepy. Particularly since it is usually done with Master Roshi as the primary instrument. Consequently, I am going to tone most of the fan service bits down when they involve Master Roshi. I might be willing to include non canon fan service bits to compensate, but you'll have to send me the ideas for that.

On a separate note, when writing this fanfic, I never expected Kakarot to turn out to be as much of a jerk as I he is. There is just something really fun about writing Kakarot as a deadpan snarker with contempt for everyone around him.

Enjoy!


	9. Boss Rabbit's Magic Touch

**Chapter Nine: Boss Rabbit's Magic Touch**

The two of them sped through a great forest of giant mushrooms with red tops under a yellow sky. The earth was brown and packed beneath their car as they sped ever onwards in high spirits. Kakarot watched the mushroom forest pass him by, feeling that it was somewhat hypnotic in nature.

'…This place is really strange,' he said after a moment.

'Don't worry kid,' said Bulma 'I'm pretty sure we're coming up on a town soon anyway.' Suddenly a beeping noise was heard. She looked at the readings. 'Oh great, we're almost out of gas! I knew we should have filled up at the last station.'

'Then why did you insist we were almost there, and _not_ fill up?' asked Kakarot dryly.

'Shush.' said Bulma, before she suddenly realized she was swerving towards a mushroom. Turning the steering wheel in the opposite direction, she overcompensated and ended up wheeling back and forth until she was stable again.

'That was entertaining.' said Kakarot.

'I could have been killed!' shouted Bulma.

'Well it would have been your fault,' said Kakarot 'so I'm disinclined to concern myself.'

* * *

As Kakarot had predicted, Yamcha was following up behind them with Puar in a smaller blue car. The bandit smirked. 'What a bunch of clowns, am I right? They're going to lead us straight to that last dragonball.'

'Yeah,' agreed Puar.

Kakarot and Bulma continued to argue up ahead, drawing their attention.

'…What a pretty voice.' said Yamcha suddenly. 'Nevermind, pass me the water canteen.'

'Sure thing Yamcha.' said Puar, handing it to him.

Yamcha unscrewed it and drank deeply of it. 'That hit the spot.'

Meanwhile, their prey continued to argue.

* * *

Some hours later, Kakarot and Bulma pulled into a dusty town where people wore turbans instead of hats, and when clad in concealing garments. They could be seen carrying baskets on their heads, and they walked with a sense of fear.

'See,' said Bulma 'I was right after all Kakarot.'

'I never said you weren't.' Kakarot noted.

He saw a girl staring at them, and met her gaze flatly. 'What?'

'Nothing,' she said 'we just don't ordinarily get visitors all that much here.'

'As long as you have a gas station I don't care.' said Kakarot in exasperation.

'Be polite Kakarot,' said Bulma 'you can't go through life picking a fight with everyone you meet.'

'Why not?' asked Kakarot 'it's worked out pretty well so far for me.'

They pulled into the gas station, and a man emerged. 'Hello, can I help you with anything?' he asked.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'I need my car filled up.'

'Of course.' said the man.

'Kakarot,' said Bulma 'watch the car for me, I'm going shopping.' With that, she picked up her bag and walked off. 'I wonder if they sell dino caps in this town…

Thus Kakarot began to wait. And wait. He sat in the car, bored out of his mind until the man finished. 'Is it done?'

'Yes,' said the man 'your car is full to the brim.'

'Excellent,' said Kakarot 'my friend will return shortly, and when she does she will compensate you for your services. In the meantime we will wait here.'

* * *

Meanwhile Bulma made her way through the streets, ignoring the remarks some people made about her revealing clothes. For her part, Bulma thought there was nothing wrong with showing off her natural gifts, and if they had a problem with that, it was theirs to deal with. Even so, she was getting sick of this outfit.

Still, the first thing first was the dino caps.

'You certainly have an impressive selection here.' she said to the owner. 'Well, do you have any XP6's?'

'Yes, and XP7's.' said the owner.

'Okay,' said Bulma 'I'll take two of those there. And three XP7's.'

'Here you go,' said the owner.

Bulma paid and left the store without incident. Her senses were going off, telling her that something should have happened here which didn't happen. She shrugged it off and walked onwards back to the clothes store.

'You know,' she said to herself. 'sometimes I get the feeling that something should be going on. Something unusual, which would put me on edge. Ugh, I've been hanging out with Kakarot too long.'

* * *

Meanwhile Yamcha pulled in to watch as Kakarot waited. He was somewhat suspicious that they were still here, actually. 'It sure is taking them a long time to get gas.'

A stir broke out amongst the crowd. Cries of fear could be heard, as people looked up to see two men walking down the street, toting guns and wearing… rabbit ears. Really? One of them was tall and had a pipe between his teeth, and the other was short.

'This town is so boring,' said the one, as people gave way around them.

'Mmmhmmm,'

'Why don't we stir things up around here?' asked the tall one.

'Sounds good to me.' said the second.

* * *

Bulma, meanwhile, had found an outfit which was of an Arabian sort. It was the sort of clothes one might expect a genie to wear. It had a blue vest, a white undershirt, and baggy white pants with a golden necklace, and bracers. 'They're not really my style,' she reflected 'but they are comfortable. I guess they will have to do. How much?'

She made her way back out into the street, and walked through the citizens, back to the gas station where she found Kakarot waiting. 'Hey Kakarot, I got some really great stuff.'

'Yeah that's…' said Kakarot looking up. '…wow.'

'What?' said Bulma 'Do I have something on my face?'

'No,' said Kakarot 'it's just… I think those clothes look good on you.' He paused. 'Did you get any food by chance? I'm starving.'

'Sorry,' said Bulma 'all I've got is makeup. We can go out somewhere soon.'

Then there was a crash, and they looked up. A fruit stand where apples were being sold had been upset, as two men with guns and bunny ears on their heads were shaking down the merchant. 'These apples are disgusting! We want a refund!'

'You heard him,' said the tall one 'we want our money back.'

'But you got them free!' said the merchant.

'You don't hear so good,' said the short one as he raised a fist. 'he said we want our money back!'

'Alright! Alright!' cried the merchant in terror. 'Here, please forgive me!'

'…Well, this town is officially in mortal terror of two men who wear bunny ears on their head.' said Kakarot 'I see now why I was sent to this world. I shall slay them all, and put them out of their misery.'

'Knock it off, Kakarot.' said Bulma. 'That's not funny.'

At that moment a boy ran into his mother's arms, straight across the path of the two men. They stopped and loomed over the woman, who looked up in fear. 'Hey, don't you know that no one is supposed to cross the path of a rabbit?'

'Yes, I'm sorry!' cried the mother 'But he's just a boy! He doesn't know any better!'

The rabbit remained silent for a moment. 'Well here's a lesson to remember.' Then he kicked the mother to the ground with her child.

'…This is pathetic,' said Kakarot 'if they all rushed them at once only a few of them would get shot before they tore these scum to shreds.'

'Who are these guys anyway?' asked Bulma.

At that moment the rabbits turned to see them. The smaller one motioned to Bulma. 'Hey look, buddy, there is a new chick in town.'

The rabbits eyed Bulma like she was a piece of meat as they approached, and Kakarot got out of the car, taking a stance.

'How do you like them apples?' said the shorter one.

'My, my, my…' said the other. 'Hey there pretty lady, how would you like to spend some time with some real men?'

'Why?' asked Bulma 'Have you seen any?'

'Oh!' said Kakarot with a smirk. 'That is the closest you've gotten to being useful in weeks!'

'Shut up Kakarot.'

'You must be new in town if you're dumb enough to talk to the rabbits like that.' said the short one.

'Maybe we should teach you some manners.'

'If anyone has anything to learn, it's you two cro magnon morons.' snapped Bulma. 'Grown men in rabbit ears? Hah! Can you believe these two idiots!'

'Wow, you are on a roll today.' said Kakarot 'At this rate, I might have to reclassify you from 'liability' to 'asset.'

'Come on Kakarot,' said Bulma 'we're leaving!'

At that moment the rabbits raised their guns, and Bulma halted frozen in place. 'Whats the big hurry toots? The parties just starting.'

* * *

From where he was watching, Yamcha found a smirk coming to his face. _'This is gonna be good.'_

* * *

And then Kakarot surged forward, knocking the rabbits from their feet. Their guns fired into the air as they were forced to the ground, his hands gripping their throats and constricting. 'Threaten my friend again, and I'll kill you slowly. Understand?'

Unable to speak, they nodded mutely, and Kakarot stepped back, before kicking them both in the crotch, hard.

The people watched in awe, as Kakarot arose and walked back towards Bulma. 'I'd say we're just about done here, now wouldn't you?'

'As far as entertainment went, these fools were insignificant.' said Kakarot 'I could kill ten of them without breaking a sweat. Honestly, why can't they ever bring Yamcha?'

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'I don't think those guys are going to be hurting anyone now.'

At that point the rabbits arose, angry. 'Now you've done it! You've insulted the rabbits!'

'Am I supposed to care?' asked Kakarot.

'Your gonna pay big time for this, kid!'

'If I do, I've already told you what will happen.' stated Kakarot 'Believe me, I'm a man of my word.'

'Also he didn't insult the rabbits,' said Bulma 'just beat them up.'

The rabbit brought a radio to his lips. 'Boss this is rabbit 1! Come to town pronto!' Shrieks of horror and despair could be heard from the townsfolk around them, as they fled to their homes in terror. 'We've got ourselves a trouble maker down here!'

'A curse on you!' snapped the gas station, man. 'Thanks to you the boss is coming!' Then he ran inside. The sound of shutting doors and windows resounded throughout the town, as Kakarot and Bulma sat in their car.

'…Does this mean we don't have to pay for gas?' asked Kakarot hopefully.

'Could you at least pretend to take this seriously, Kakarot?' Bulma chided him.

'I am serious.' said Kakarot 'The money we save here could be spent on food.'

Silence engulfed the town as they waited around. There wasn't so much as a hint of noise, and the result was that things were outright creepy. 'I've got a bad feeling about this,' said Bulma 'maybe we should go.'

'Nah,' said Kakarot 'let's ride this train to the end, shall we?'

They waited some more, and Bulma stood up in her seat. 'Well, nothings happening. Whatever, I'm not going to let some guys in rabbit ears scare me away!'

Meanwhile, the rabbit goons were getting up. 'Don't worry, the boss is coming.' said rabbit 1. 'He'll do his special thing to them.'

'Special thing…' said Bulma 'Hey what is this special thing?'

'Just a little thing our boss does to entertain.' said the first.

'So stick around and enjoy the show. Don't worry, he's not going to turn you into a carrot or anything.'

'Want me to kill them before this 'Boss' gets here?' asked Kakarot.

'Maybe next time Kakarot.'

At that moment a white car arrived, with rabbit ears and a rabbit face. Kakarot started laughing hysterically, falling out of the car as he did so. The car kicked up dust behind it as it came closer, and Kakarot's laughter continued without end.

'Here comes the boss!' cheered Rabbit 1. 'Hey Boss over here!'

'Are my ears on straight, yes?' said Rabbit 2.

Kakarot continued to laugh hysterically until the car stopped near them. Then he rose up. 'I'm… I'm sorry it just looks so stupid. To be courteous, I'm gonna give the boss the benefit of the doubt.' The door opened and out of the car stepped an anthropormorphic rabbit clad in green and blue with sunglasses. Kakarot burst out laughing all over again, before mastering himself. 'And I needn't have doubted.'

'Will ya quit being such a jerk, kid.' said Rabbit 1. 'The Boss is trying ta make an entrance?!'

'Well he's certainly succeeded.' said Kakarot wryly. 'Seriously, you guys have made me laugh so I'll cut you a break. Leave right now, and I will let you live.'

The rabbits did not listen. 'Boss help us!' They cried as they approached the rabbit.

'Knock it off you saps.,' said Boss Rabbit. 'Just point me out the sap who thinks he's tough enough to take on the mighty rabbits!'

'That's him over there!' cried the rabbits, pointing to Kakarot.

'You mean that's the Boss they've been going on about?' asked Bulma 'He looks like a reject from an easter parade.'

'You mean that holiday which commemorates the rising from the dead of a man in an alternate timeline of earth where there are multiple continents, and dinosaurs are extinct?' asked Kakarot.

'That's the one.'

'We heard that, girlie.' said a rabbit.

'And what are you gonna do?' asked Bulma 'Wiggle your nose and tickle me?'

'Awfully big words for a little girl.'

* * *

Yamcha was not nearly so amused, however. 'I know I've seen that rabbit before.'

* * *

Boss Rabbit was not amused. 'You call yourself rabbits and you got beaten up by a kid?'

'Sorry boss.'

'Quit groveling.' snapped Boss Rabbit, before backflipping towards Bulma, who recoiled as he offered a hand. 'Let's shake hands, baby.'

'Are you seriously expecting us to believe that after all that buildup you just want to be friends?' asked Kakarot. 'Especially after that mocking I gave you.'

'Sure.' said Boss Rabbit.

* * *

Realization dawned on Yamcha as he watched. 'Now I remember, his touch is his weapon. If they shake his hand, their goners for sure! His name is monster carrot, and anyone he touches turns into a carrot.'

'Yamcha, who are you talking to?'

* * *

Bulma slapped away Boss Rabbits hand. 'There, now be a nice bunny and hop out of here, would ya!' Then she stuck out her tongue at him.

'Eheheheh,' said Boss Rabbit 'you touched me.'

And then there was a poof of smoke as Bulma was transformed into a carrot, which flew to land in Boss Rabbits hand. Kakarot went for his power pole and landed before him. 'Change her back!'

'Sure kid,' said Boss Rabbit 'if you want to get her back come and get me. But you'd better like vegetables, because if you touch me your gonna be one!'

Kakarot drew his power pole and struck at Monster Carrot, bringing it down. Monster Carrot leaped away with ease, as Kakarot pursued.

'Stop, don't forget about your friend here.' said Monster Carrot. 'Kid you take one more step and I'll have this delicious carrot for my lunch!'

'…You will die screaming for this.' stated Kakarot in an all too calm tone.

Monster Carrot took a step back in fear at the look in his eyes, before mastering himself. 'Sure, if you want to sacrifice your friend.' He and his minions then chuckled together. 'Boys go get him.'

'Sure thing, boss.' said Rabbit 1. 'I'm going to pound him flat like a postage stamp,'

Then they rushed forward and began to beat Kakarot, who was unable to defend himself.

From where he was watching, Yamcha turned to Puar. 'Come on, Puar. That kid needs our help. It's up to us to get us out of this mess. Otherwise, we'll never see those dragonballs. Change into a bird, and snatch that carrot.'

'Right,' said Puar.

Yamcha then snuck up behind and leaped up onto a building to watch from above, where he stood just above Monster Carrot. As the beating continued, Monster Carrot smiled. 'Come on, pick it up you boys. I don't have all day you know.'

Then Puar swooped down and snatched the carrot from his grip. Monster Carrot cried out in distress, as Yamcha descended and with a vicious right hook punched out one of the thugs, before roundhouse kicking another in the face.

'Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, pain…' said Kakarot.

'We've got the carrot, Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'now you can finish him off with your power pole.'

'Wait, you are helping us?' asked Kakarot 'Why? Oh, right you need us to get the other dragonball so you can steal it right.'

'Nevermind that!' snapped Yamcha 'Get monster carrot!'

'Couldn't you just chop his head off with your sword?' asked Kakarot as he picked up his power pole.

'There is no time for that!'

Monster Carrot was leaping high onto the buildings and reaching up to try and get at Puar, but the bird ducked and weaved and got out of the way.

'Good work Puar,' said Yamcha 'now bring that carrot over here and hurry.'

'I don't have time for this.' said Kakarot, before raising his power pole. 'Power pole extend!' The red beam rushed out, and he brought it down to slam Monster Carrot over the head, sending him crashing to the ground. Then Kakarot approached him as Monster Carrot tried to get up. He hit him again. And again, and again, as Monster Carrot screamed. 'Change her back,' he snarled 'or I will break your arms and legs, and leave you for the vultures, you miserable creature!'

Behind him, Puar landed as Monster Carrot cowered. 'Okay,' said the rabbit 'you win.' He clapped his hands, and the carrot became Bulma once more. Kakarot looked at the rabbit before him, before bringing down his power pole with all his might and crushing his skull. Then he turned rushed to her. 'Bulma! Are you alright?'

'I feel like a vegetable…' she said.

'You were until Yamcha and Puar helped us.' said Kakarot.

'Yamcha,' said Bulma 'where is he?' She looked around.

'Huh,' said Kakarot 'I guess he took off already. Why is it so important?' He had his suspicions, and he did not approve. Bulma was his.

* * *

Meanwhile, from where they were hiding, Yamcha sighed.

'She likes you.' said Puar.

'You know it was a lot easier to be around her when she was just produce.' reflected Yamcha.

* * *

The townsfolk stared out in awe, for Monster Carrot was dead. Little by little, they emerged as Kakarot approached the beaten thugs and looked at them in contempt. Bulma walked up behind him. 'Okay Kakarot, I think we can get-'

Kakarot kneeled down and snapped the neck of Rabbit 1.

'Kakarot what are you doing?!' said Bulma in horror.

Rabbit 2 roused himself and scrambled away. 'No! Please, don't kill me, I'll do anything-'

Kakarot surged forward and gripped him with his hands, restricting his air. As the man struggled, his arms shaking as he desperately tried to free himself from Kakarot's iron grip. Finally, he fell silent and fell limp to the ground. Kakarot then snapped his neck for good measure, before standing up and turning to Bulma.

'We can go now.'

'…Kakarot,' said Bulma 'you are one coldblooded monkey.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Wow, this chapter got dark real fast. This is really the point where Kakarot demonstrates that he isn't like Goku. He doesn't have the goofy wide-eyed idealism which so characterized his alternate timeline self. I just couldn't see Kakarot putting someone on the moon to make candy. Moreover, he was pissed.

Frankly, my original plan was for him to dose the rabbits in oil and burn them alive, but I didn't see Bulma just standing there and letting him do that.

I kind of feel like this was a lower quality chapter. What do you think?


	10. The Dragonballs are Stolen, Again

**Chapter Ten: The Dragonballs are Stolen, again**

There was a pensive mood in the air as Bulma and Kakarot drove onwards through the mushroom fields. Ever since Kakarot had snapped those guys necks, she'd been giving him the cold shoulder. It was starting to get downright irritating, and Kakarot didn't like it at all.

'Look, they did try to kill us first.' said Kakarot after a moment. 'And Monster Carrot turned you into a vegetable and was probably going to eat you. And given how afraid that town was of him, he'd probably turned other people into carrots and eaten them before now.

He was a cannibal. Except he was actually a rabbit so not really.

…Stop ignoring me.'

Finally, Bulma spoke: 'Kakarot, you do know that you can't solve all your problems by killing people, right?'

'And you are picking now to tell me this?' asked Kakarot, perplexed. 'You didn't have any issue with me killing that flying dinosaur.'

'He was going to eat me!' said Bulma.

'So was Monster Carrot.' said Kakarot.

Several hours passed as they journeyed onward. Some manner of bird called out, echoing across the fields and Kakarot looked up to see a blackbird flying too and from. A burrowing mole popped its head above the ground to look around. Kakarot glanced back to where Yamcha was following. 'On the brighter side we're still being trailed by Yamcha and Puar, so things are still going as planned. I'm not sure they are even bothering to hide from us at this point.'

Bulma took out the dragon radar and looked at it as she drove. 'It won't be long now, Kakarot.' she said, tone slightly distant. 'Soon I'll be able to get my wish! I wonder what he'll look like!'

Kakarot remembered her planned wish and grimaced. 'Stop the car. Now.'

Bulma looked at him strangely and slowed the car down. 'Yeah, what is it?'

'Okay, we've got to talk about this wish of yours.' said Kakarot 'That is to say, its stupid. It's really, really stupid.'

'Yeah right, you're just jealous.' she said.

'Jealousy doesn't factor into it!' snapped Kakarot, though actually, he was. 'I did half the work, and this wish of yours will give me nothing for my trouble. And it's not going to give you anything either! Do you have any idea how good looking you are? You could get a boyfriend easily if you actually started paying attention for once!'

As the bickering went on, the black bird from before looked down with robotic eyes upon the car. Confirming what it saw, it took off and flew back towards Pilafs castle.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yamcha and Puar were driving after them. 'Hey Yamcha,' said Puar 'I'm beginning to think they are lost. I can't believe the last dragonball is way out here.'

'Just be patient Puar,' said Yamcha 'its out there, I can feel it! We're close, real close, soon I will wish away my fear of women!'

* * *

The proclamation hit him like a thunderbolt. Kakarot turned to where Yamcha was, down the road, then back to Bulma. 'What the hell is wrong with you people? You can get literally anything you could ever want! Riches! Fame! Immortality! Don't you think these wishes are a touch petty?!'

There was a long awkward silence.

'Wait…' said Yamcha 'you knew we were here.'

'You've been following approximately twenty feet behind us on the road for the last THOUSAND MILES!' roared Kakarot 'Do you think we're blind, deaf and stupid?'

'Yamcha was following us?' asked Bulma. 'That's so sweet…'

'…Okay, do you think I'm blind deaf and stupid?' asked Kakarot, double face palming.

He looked back to Yamcha, and saw that Yamcha and Puar were no longer there. Once again they had disappeared. 'Typical really.'

* * *

Meanwhile without Pilaf's Castle, Shu rushed up the stairs with all the speed his could muster. Sweat was pouring down the ninja dogs brow. 'I'm going to be toast if I don't get to that meeting with Emperor Pilaf!' he cried.

The dragonball detector was on the fritz, and Mai had been giving the job of fixing it. Unfortunately, Pilaf was quite impatient. He pressed a button, and out of the ceiling came a glass box with two crocodiles inside it.

'Mai,' said Pilaf's voice. 'if you don't fix that dragonball detector by the time I count to ten, you will be joining my friends here for lunch.'

The crocodiles roared and Mai stepped back in fear.

'One,' said Pilaf with a smile.

Mai began hurriedly working to replace the damaged parts.

'Two, three, four…'

She worked faster, as sparks kicked up from her efforts. She needed more time.

'five…'

Mai looked up. 'Uh… Emperor Pilaf, speaking of lunch, you must be hungry right?'

'Hmm,' said Pilaf, distracted 'well actually I am hungry. Starving really.'

Mai got back to work, using the time she had bought.

'You know, a hamburger would be nice right now.'

One of the screens flared to life on the console. Success! She wouldn't be eaten by a crocodile. Or not, it wasn't quite done.

'Hold it.' said Pilaf 'What number was I on Mai?'

'Uh… number?' asked Mai.

'Nevermind,' said Pilaf 'I'll start over. One, two, three, four, five, six-'

'Emperor Pilaf!' said Mai.

'What now?' asked Pilaf.

'Oh nothing,' said Mai 'its just sometimes when you take command like this, it's invigorating to be around you.'

Pilaf blushed, quite distracted. 'I see…'

The roar of the crocodiles brought him back to his task at hand. 'Oh right, now where was I?'

'Huh?' said Mai in false innocence as she looked up from her work.

'Okay,' said Pilaf 'maybe I should start at six.'

At that moment Shu came back, rushing into the room. 'I made it sire! I made it!'

'Excellent Shu,' said Pilaf 'you are right on time. Now have you located the balls? Report.'

'…I ordered pizza.' said Shu after a moment.

'Sir I got it!' said Mai 'I'm scanning the area, and I'm picking up the energy of one of the balls. I'm isolating the signal to get a closer look.' She looked at it. 'Oh my, this can't be… there is a ball just ten steps south of this location. And a couple of steps east.' Shu began following the instructions she was saying. 'No wait, it's south. By about, oh, I'd say seven paces. Then six steps straight ahead and you are there.'

'I found it.' said Shu, picking up a green box.

Pilaf hit Shu over the head, and the box fell open as a dragonball rolled out. 'Oh, look at what we have here. It's a dragonball. The one we already have! That monkey boy and his friends have the dragonballs we want so where is he?'

'We have a spy bird tracking him.' said Mai. 'Mecha no 7.' There was a bird cry as a bird flew through the window. 'There it is now, Emperor. Once we download the visuals for mecha 7, we'll know exactly where their going.'

* * *

Some hours later Mai was standing atop a giant mushroom, watching as their prey drew ever nearer. The car passed right out under her, and still, she watched, her dark hair and trench coat flowing in the wind. 'Ringleader, they just passed out of the northern quadrant, and their heading south-west. Over.'

'Excellent,' said Pilaf over the walkie talkie. 'tell big brother to engage.'

'Roger,' said Mai 'come in big brother, do you copy, over?'

'Ten four baby sister, I got my ears on.' replied Shu's voice.

'The subject is approaching.'

'Okie Dokie, over.'

* * *

On they went, flying over the sand, and Kakarot stared out over the mushrooms to gaze at the clouds. He wondered what lay beyond them, and if he would ever see it. Was the universe the result of some cosmic coincidence, or was there really a god with a plan for them? Finally, he looked up. 'Bulma, I'm going to ask you nicely this time. Would you please change your wish. There must be something you can wish for which will actually benefit me.'

'Look we've come all this way,' said Bulma 'let's just keep moving and go for it!'

Kakarot looked at her. '…Yeah, okay.' he said in a tranquil tone.

That settled it. Kakarot was going to hijack the wish for himself. And he knew exactly what to wish for.

And then a missile was fired out of nowhere, right into their path. The car was thrown back, destroyed as they landed with a crash some ways away. Kakarot forced himself to his feet, his vision a blur.

'What happened…' said Bulma.

'We're under attack.' said Kakarot.

* * *

The two bandits watched from approximately forty feet away, in the cover provided by some giant mushrooms. The smoke cleared, to reveal both Bulma and Kakarot whole and alive. 'Think we should help them?' asked Puar.

'In a minute, Puar.' said Yamcha.

* * *

At that moment a metal monster landed before them, with four legs. No one could be seen past the cockpit. Kakarot took a stance and readied his pole. 'What the hell is that?'

The machine began searching through the wreck of the car. 'I've come to repossess your dragonballs!' it proclaimed in a booming voice as it took the case. 'Thank you, and so long suckers. The balls are mine now.' Then its rocket boosters activated and it flew away.

'…That thing just stole our dragonballs.' said Bulma.

'No worries,' said Kakarot 'you didn't have a decent wish anyway.'

'Kakarot, you're our only hope!' said Bulma 'Use your power pole to pursue him!'

'Fine,' said Kakarot, before drawing it and beginning to pole vault after the machine.

* * *

Leaving behind the machine suit, Shu and Mai made their way onto their plane and flew away. As they got into their cockpit, they were in a very good mood. 'We did it, Shu.' said Mai.

'Emperor Pilaf will be very happy.' said Shu 'Maybe he'll even stop yelling at us.'

They both laughed uproariously.

Kakarot vaulted through the landscape until he eventually saw the monster from before. Descending with a war cry, he smashed it with his pole, before knocking its legs out from under it and bashing it repeatedly. On and on he struck it until it was dented and broken. Finally, he tapped it.

'Yep, it's dead.' he said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bulma was walking back and forth, becoming increasingly frustrated. 'It sure is taking Kakarot a long time…'

There was no one to talk to. She waited there, bored, for quite a few moments before Kakarot finally landed in the clearing, spinning the power pole and sheathing it. 'Hey Bulma, the monsters dead.'

'Kakarot,' she said 'whose got the dragonballs?!'

'How should I know?' he replied. 'I mean Yamcha still has five. Am I too late to miss your panic attack?'

Bulma fell to her knees as the spotlight of the universe fell upon her. 'It's all over… my boyfriend… it's not fair… they probably have summoned the dragon already…'

'…Apparently not.' said Kakarot 'Y'know they didn't rob Yamcha! They probably don't even know he exists.'

Instantly she cheered up. 'Of course! They thought they could outsmart us! No way mister! Now let's go Kakarot! Get in the car, we can track them with my radar!'

'Hey fearless leader,' said Kakarot 'our car got blown up.'

'Ah ah ah,' said Bulma 'you forget Kakarot, I still have my dino caps!' Then she stopped. 'Oh… I forgot. They were in there with the dragonballs.' And then she began crying again, much to Kakarot's displeasure.

* * *

'What should we do Yamcha,' said Puar 'I think they need a lift?'

'I know,' said Yamcha 'and she scares me.' He thought about the situation. 'We could go after those guys on our own, but without being able to locate them, we'll never be able to find them. No choice, we have to give them a ride.'

'But Yamcha,' said Puar 'what about your fear of girls?'

'I don't have a choice,' reflected Yamcha 'if we don't help them now we're never going to get those dragonballs.'

'We should probably hide the ones we do have here.' said Puar 'That way Kakarot won't be able to steal them. We can backtrack later and make our wish.'

'Good thinking Puar.' said Yamcha.

They quickly dug a shallow hole and set the five dragonballs they did have into it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bulma was still crying. Kakarot sat cross-legged, eyes narrowed. 'I don't see why you are getting so worked up. There is no hurry. We can always just walk.'

'You moron!' shouted Bulma 'I don't want to walk miles on my own, and eat rats and drink cactus water! I was a nightmare the last time, and it won't be any better now!'

'Wow, I guess your right.' said Kakarot. 'Still, at least we have a scenic view.' Bulma glared at Kakarot, who shrugged. 'Well I'm not saying I'd want to build a summer home here, but the mushrooms are actually quite lovely.'

At that moment a car came into view, with Yamcha and Puar driving it. 'Oh hey, look who it is…' said Yamcha.

'Hi Yamcha!' said Bulma, instantly infatuated to Kakarot's displeasure.

'Oh what a coincidence,' said Yamcha, looking like he was about to have a mental breakdown. 'Are you guys stuck out… here…'

'Oh I get it,' said Kakarot 'you've been relying on us to find the balls for you since we have the means to find the dragonballs. Now that we no longer possess means of transport, you are forced to take the stage directly. Very shrewd.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, sitting next to Yamcha with a flirtatious appearance. 'we were until you showed up. Could you give us a ride, Yamcha. Pretty please…' And she winked at him.

'…S-sure…' said Yamcha 'we'd be… we'd be happy too…'

'Really?' said Kakarot 'Everyone is just going to pretend like I haven't just revealed the obvious truth?'

Everyone just pretended as though he hadn't just revealed the obvious truth.

As the group made their way onwards, Bulma looked to Yamcha. 'Hey Yamcha, would you mind just closing your eyes for a second.'

'C-close my eyes…' he said, shaking.

'You want the person driving the car to close their eyes?' asked Kakarot. 'Oh this is gonna be good.'

'Yeah just for a second,' said Bulma 'pretty please.'

'What for?' he asked.

'You'll see…' said Bulma playfully.

For a moment Yamcha remained silent, keeping his eyes wide open.

'Oh come on, please,' said Bulma 'just for a few moments. You too Puar.'

'I think I'm going to be sick.' said Kakarot.

Yamcha closed his eyes. Bulma then took out her radar and looked at it. 'Okay, we're about twenty five miles away. Alright, you can open your eyes now.'

'…Nothing happened,' said Yamcha 'oh nothing happened.' He sounded simultaneously relieved and disappointed.

'Well something happened,' said Bulma 'but we girls have to keep our secrets you know. Don't be mad,..' and then she pressed her face against his.

They nearly crashed as Yamcha yelled in fear.

* * *

Within the castle of Pilaf, the Emperor was satisfied. Pilaf opened the case and gazed down into it. He smiled. 'At last, I have all seven dragonballs!' And he began to do a victory dance.

'Uh… sire.' said Mai, unsure how to break it to him.

'We need… five more.' said Shu.

'We only have two,' said Mai.

'You counted wrong.' said Shu.

Pilaf stopped. 'Did I just hear you say we are missing five dragonballs?'

'Yes sir,' said Mai and Shu 'there is only two.'

'That can't be!' cried Pilaf, and he rushed to count his balls. 'One… two… there are five missing!' He searched through the case and found no others.

'Sorry boss,' said Mai and Shu.

Pilaf's cries of rage could be heard outside the castle. 'Fools! And you call yourselves agents!'

'I think two is pretty good sire.' said Shu.

'We have to be better than pretty good to win this game!' snapped Pilaf. 'This is the world, we're talking about!' Suddenly a beeping sound echoed throughout the room, and Pilaf rushed over to the console. 'You did say you fixed this thing, didn't you?'

'Yes sire.' said Mai.

'Good,' said Pilaf 'then that means those lousy kids are coming this way! When we capture them, we'll force them to tell us where the other five dragonballs are located.'

* * *

As they drove across the desert, they soon came into sight of a massive castle. It towered over the landscape around them, with many towers and terraces. It's shadow when cast reached for nearly a mile, and as they drew nearer to it, Bulma craned her neck in awe. 'Look at the size of the place…' she reflected.

'It is fairly impressive,' said Kakarot 'maybe one day I'll make one like it.'

Yamcha in the meantime looked to be recovering from being in close proximity to Bulma for almost an entire day. Puar approached him. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm alright,' said Yamcha 'I just need to make my wish. Then I'll be cured of this…'

* * *

From where they watched the various kids preparing to enter the castle, Pilaf and Mai were satisfied. 'Everything is ready, sire.' said Mai.

'Excellent,' said Pilaf, before looking at the kids. 'amateurs, they have no idea what they are getting into. Soon they will feel the wrath of Pilaf.'

The company approached the doors with cautious steps, and as they did so the castle loomed over taller. It seemed almost a manmade mountain, more than a castle.

'It doesn't look like there are any guards,' said Kakarot 'odd really.'

'See if it's open, Kakarot.' said Bulma.

Stepping forward, Kakarot set his hands to the door and pressed against it. The strength of the door was amazing, and though he pushed with all his might it stubbornly made him fight for every inch. Little by little it was shoved open, and finally, it stood open, allowing the sunlight to creep in from the outside.

Within was illuminated a vast hall of carved stone, reaching deep into the darkness.

'Let's go,' said Kakarot, leading them in.

'It's as dark as night in there,' said Bulma as they pressed onwards.

They walked through the hall for perhaps thirty minutes, seeing no sign of guards, servants or any other kind of life. It was profoundly disturbing. Suddenly red eyes appeared in the dark by the hundreds, and countless bats came flying past them towards the light. Bulma screamed and hugged Yamcha, who screamed in turn and shoved her off.

She landed on the floor hard. 'What did you do that for?'

'I… I thought you were a bat!' said Yamcha.

They walked onward, and Kakarot increasingly got a sense of danger. They soon rounded a corner to find. 'Another dark hall. My, the designer for this place was a man of one idea, wasn't he?'

Suddenly great pillars of stone began to come out of the walls and ceilings. Kakarot dodged them, as Bulma found herself hemmed in. Puar was nearly crushed as she scrambled out of the way, while Bulma slipped under a horizontal pillar and into open ground. Suddenly a pillar came out of the floor, driving her towards the ceiling.

Then Yamcha surged forward and with one kick shattered the pillar in time. Bulma fell down and was caught by Kakarot, who appreciated the warmth of her body. 'Got ya.'

There was no time to be satisfied, however, for at that moment another pillar arose in front of Yamcha. The bandit smashed it, before dodging one that came out of the wall.

Kakarot put down Bulma, drew out his power pole and began smashing pillars as they came out. After tearing through half a dozen of them, he finally stopped amidst the rubble alongside Yamcha. 'Is Bulma okay?' he asked Puar.

'I'm fine,' said Puar 'I dodged them.'

'Yeah, that's great I guess,' said Kakarot 'but is Bulma okay!'

'Alright,' said Yamcha 'that does it! Let's go get em!'

At that moment Bulma rushed up and hugged him. 'Thank you, you saved my life.'

'…Typical really,' said Kakarot with narrowed eyes. What did Yamcha have that he didn't?

Yamcha screamed. It echoed throughout the castle as he rushed away to hide behind a pile of rubble as Puar tended to him.

'…You know, maybe his wish isn't a complete waste.' said Kakarot after a moment.

* * *

Pilaf was not pleased as he watched the cameras. 'That trap didn't work! Who designed that trap!'

'Uh… it wasn't me sire.' said Mai.

'I want the name of the ninny who designed it!' Pilaf pressed her.

'It was you.'

The group proceeded more carefully after that, sliding along the walls while watching their every step. A sound echoed in the dark, and Bulma looked around. 'What was that sound?'

'It's your imagination.' said Kakarot.

Then they came upon the arrow. It was a bright pink arrow that glowed in the dark, and Kakarot looked at it for only a moment before walking onward. 'Hey, what's this?' asked Bulma.

'It's a trap.' said Yamcha.

'It's too obvious,' said Bulma.

'There is another arrow over here.' said Kakarot 'I wouldn't be surprised if whoever lives here gets lost in their own castle.'

'Let's check it out.' said Yamcha.

On they went, around another corner, finding more arrows as they went. Several passages opened up on either side of them like gaping passages into the void. Then they came to a dead end.

'It's a dead end.' said Kakarot 'Well that was anticlimactic.'

And then the walls closed behind them, locking them in.

The trap had been sprung and had worked perfectly. Their enemies were trapped within the dead end cell that had been made for them.

* * *

'So what do you want to do now?' asked Mai.

'I think maybe I'll have some fun with them.' said Pilaf. 'Ah yes, but first I'll take their dragonballs!'

Pilaf's laughter echoed through the night.

If Pilaf had his way, what hope was there for the world? Find out on the next exciting episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we with another episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs. I hope you enjoyed this one. I'm pretty sure that eventually, I'm going to have to slow down my update schedule a bit. However, for now, I'm on a roll. Frankly, I was originally planning to have the Emperor Pilaf arc end the same way, except with Puar making the wish instead of Oolong. However, I decided that more differences in the story are a strength, not a weakness.

So it's unlikely that Pilaf is going to get his hands on all seven dragonballs in this timeline. He and his staff really have been demoted to extra in this fic. Probably because I've toned down the juveniles aspects of the story.

For the record, I intend to split this story into multiple parts, each one having its own fic dedicated to it. That way I can finish one, then work on something else for awhile, then come back and start fresh.

On a separate note, removing Oolong from the story has gone a long way to making me realize the flaws in the original Dragonballs story. When we first meet Bulma she is introduced as a practical, and savvy individual who is the brains to Goku's brawn. Once Oolong joins the group, however, Bulma rapidly devolves into the milestone, allowing Oolong to do all the work. In this version, Bulma is actually much more useful, since she is the one driving the car. Funny how things work out.


	11. The Penalty is Pinball

**Chapter Eleven: The Penalty is Pinball**

Last time on Dragonball, the dragonballs were stolen by Emperor Pilaf's bumbling henchmen, Mai and Shu. Which doesn't say much for our heroes competence really, now that I think of it. Whatever the case, Kakarot led a brave trek into Emperor Pilaf's castle to retrieve the stolen balls.

It… didn't really go as planned. They ended up trapped in a dead end after the walls themselves conspired against them. Now they waited in the cold, wondering what the evil Emperor Pilaf has in store for them next.

'Well this didn't go as planned.' said Kakarot ruefully, tapping the wall before them with his power pole.

'We're trapped here…' said Bulma.

'No we're not.' said Kakarot 'We've clearly established that both Yamcha and I can break stone, so I guess we'll just break down the wall and continue.'

'Kakarot, they're going to try to kill us!' said Bulma.

'Well then we'll just kill them first.' said Kakarot, before drawing his power pole and striking the wall they had come through. It bounced off of the wall, without leaving a dent. '…Yamcha, why don't we combine our efforts.'

The two of them slammed on the walls with their combined strength, Yamcha even used if wolf fang fist, but it looked as if the walls were made of something stronger than the pillars has been. Or any kind of stone for that matter. Eventually they were panting, tired from all their efforts.

'I… I didn't even put a dent in it.' said Yamcha in frustration. 'The wall is too strong.'

* * *

Meanwhile Shu and Mai were searching through the car left behind in vain. Mai looked on in worry. 'We've got to find those dragonballs. Come on, let's rip the seats open.'

From his control room, Emperor Pilaf observed with satisfaction the results of his efforts. 'Those ignorant buffoons,' said Pilaf 'I really have to hand it to myself. The old follow the pink arrow trick gets em every time!' He began laughing to himself before he realized Mai and Shu were entering the room and stopped. 'Speak to me.'

'Sire!' said Shu.

'Sir,' said Mai 'we searched the air car that they came here in, but the dragonballs they left definitely aren't in it.'

'No?' asked Pilaf 'Then that means one of them must be carrying it.' He looked at the screen in frustration, wondering who it was. The others followed his gaze.

'You know,' said Mai 'you can never trust a short person. Surely one of those little runts is hiding the dragonballs from us.'

Pilaf and Shu turned to glare at her. 'That will be the last time that you run down short people in my presence, agent Mai.' said Pilaf 'And stop calling me surely. Do I make myself clear?'

'Oh, yes sir.' said Mai 'I don't know what I was thinking.'

* * *

They were sitting around, bored and wondering if the air would run out. It was a profoundly boring experience all things considered. Extremely boring actually. It was also fairly chilly within the cell of dank stone. Eventually, Kakarot stood up.

'I'm going to give this another try,' said Kakarot.

'Don't hurt yourself.' said Bulma.

Suddenly a TV screen flared to life, and a blue-skinned imp appeared on the screen. 'Whats wrong fools? Can't break my triple reinforced steel walls, can you?'

'Who are you?' asked Bulma.

'I am the all powerful Emperor Pilaf!' proclaimed the Imp.

'So you're the jerk who stole my dragonball!' snapped Bulma.

'Yes,' said Pilaf 'this is true. But I didn't get all of them, now did I?'

'Clearly, this creature has infused his immortal soul into a glass box with unholy magic to achieve immortality.' said Kakarot 'Another practitioner of the black arts, it seems.'

'That's a TV set you dummy.' said Yamcha.

'I know that one of you is carrying the five remaining dragonballs.' said Pilaf. 'Hand them over and things will go much easier for you-'

'Kaaa…' said Kakarot as he took a stance.

'What are you doing?' asked Bulma.

'Haaa…'

'Listen, kid, I'm in the middle of a speech here,' said Pilaf 'is it too much to ask for you to be quiet.'

'Meee…'

'Stop it! I am the Emperor! The future ruler of the world, I demand respect-'

'HAAAAAAA!'

A beam of white light shot forth as everyone ducked to one side. The whole room was illuminated as the TV shattered into a thousand pieces, melted glass flying everywhere as the stones on either side cracked. When the light faded, Kakarot was standing there, breathing heavily.

'The Emperor Pilaf is defeated.' proclaimed Kakarot.

'Kakarot, what the HFIL is wrong with you!' yelled Bulma 'You nearly killed us!'

'And as a result, our enemy is dead.' said Kakarot simply.

'You little runt!' snapped Pilaf's voice. 'That TV was expensive I'll have you know!'

'Impossible!' cried Kakarot 'I destroyed his soul jar! How could he still be alive?!'

'…No,' said Bulma 'no you did not.'

'Your disrespect will not go unpunished,' said Pilaf 'time for the treatment.'

At that moment the ceiling opened up and an arm reached out to grab Bulma and pull her into the ceiling. Then it shut and she was gone.

'Oh no!' said Yamcha 'He's got her!'

'Yeah, because she's usually such an invaluable part of our cause.' noted Kakarot ruefully, quite beyond caring at this stage.

Kakarot sat down and began to meditate, as his master had taught him, going over his objective in seeking the dragonballs as he did so. The problem was that by this stage he was almost confident that he was not stronger than his Master Gohan. Even if he was, there were masters stronger still he would have to defeat. Perhaps it would be wise to delay his wish?

Yet in the meantime someone else might steal it.

Eventually, the doors above opened, and Bulma was deposited back down to fall towards the floor. Kakarot stepped forward and caught her as she fell, before setting her down.

'Are you alright?' asked Yamcha.

'Yes,' said Bulma 'nice catch Kakarot.'

'What did he do to you?' inquired Kakarot.

'It was pathetic,' said Bulma 'a first grader could come up with more horrific torments than these guys. Trust me, they're idiots. We've got nothing to worry about.'

At that moment yellow gas began to pour into the room through facets. Kakarot tried to hold his breath, yet he soon was forced to breathe it in alongside the others. One by one they drifted off into unconsciousness. Last to fall was Kakarot himself.

* * *

Bulma awoke, feeling somewhat woozy and arose to look around. Kakarot, Yamcha and Puar were lying around, still unconscious. She stood and looked down the hall, to see the cell wall open. Quickly she leaned over Yamcha to shake Kakarot. 'Kakarot, Kakarot wake up! We can leave anytime! The cell doors open!'

At that moment Yamcha woke up, and finding Bulma's rather voluptuous breasts mere inches away from his face, stood straight up and set his back against the wall.

'Oh, good you're awake.' said Bulma.

'Do you think it's another trap?' asked Puar.

'Are you kidding?' asked Bulma 'These guys are morons. They probably just forgot to close it behind them.'

'I wouldn't get too smug Bulma,' said Kakarot 'these 'morons' have managed to outmaneuver us at every turn. Given that they gassed us asleep, it was probably so they could search us without worrying about a fight. Given that Yamcha had five of them, it's safe to say that they now have all the dragonballs.'

'What?!' said Bulma 'That… that can't be-'

'Actually not really,' said Puar 'before Yamcha and I met up with you, we hid the dragonballs. We're the only ones who know where they is.'

'…Well done,' said Kakarot 'once we have dispensed with Pilaf, we may simply use Bulma's dragon radar to track down the remaining balls so that I can make my wish.'

'Dragon what?' asked Yamcha.

'Kakarot you moron!' snapped Bulma 'I was trying to keep that a secret!' She paused as what he had said. 'And don't you mean our wish?'

'I know what I said.' snapped Kakarot. 'You've made it abundantly clear that your only interested in wishes that only benefit you, so I figure it's everyone for themselves at this stage.'

Bulma actually looked hurt at that statement. 'But-' began Bulma 'but I thought-'

'That the whole universe revolved around you and your whims?' inquired Kakarot. 'It doesn't. Get used to the fact.'

'Guys we can't talk about this right now!' said Yamcha. 'The door is open! Let's go!'

With that the four of them took off, racing through the caverns will all the speed they could muster. As they did so they suddenly rounded a corner and came face to face with Pilaf, and his two cronies.

There was a long awkward silence.

Kakarot pulled out the power pole. 'Give me back my dragonballs!'

They ran, and Kakarot and the others pursued. No sooner had they rounded the corner, however, and they found themselves facing many identical passages.

'Which way do we go?' asked Bulma.

'What do you think Kakarot?' asked Yamcha.

'I have no idea.' said Kakarot 'Let's just pick one and take it.'

Suddenly a single note of a piano resounded throughout the castle. A wall shot down the hall and knocked the four of them forward through the passage, making the choice for them. They were thrown into a room of many shimmering domes, arranged like something out of pinball machines and found themselves bounced from one place to another. As they did so, Kakarot slowed his speed and got on his feet using his power pole, only to nearly be run over by a giant pinball.

It went back and forth, nearly killing them multiple times until finally Kakarot had had enough, and charged it. Bringing his fist around, he struck it with the power to break a mountain and was promptly slammed against the wall.

'Come on Kakarot, we're leaving!' cried Yamcha from where he and the others had gotten back on their feet. Clutching his head, Kakarot charged after them, through the exit.

'Now I know how a pinball feels when it is thrown into a pinball machine.' said Bulma woozily as they ran.

'No you don't,' said Puar 'because at least you are getting out. Whereas the pinball just gets sent back into storage, to be shot in again.'

'See, there it is now.' said Yamcha.

Then they ran, chased by the giant pinball which rolled after them at breakneck speed. They took a turn, and the pinball followed them. Soon they were racing downhill, still pursued, and every moment they were terrified would be their last. Then they saw a side passage and quickly leaped onto it.

No sooner had they done so, then the pinball raced by, leaving them breathing in relief.

'Well,' said Kakarot 'I guess we win.'

It was at this moment that the pinball rolled back up, defying the laws of gravity and going after them. Thus they found themselves back to square one. Running for dear life.

'You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?!' shouted Bulma.

'How the hell was I to know it was possessed?' snapped Kakarot.

They raced onwards through into another room, and soon were rushing down a set of giant dominos arranged into a staircase. They fled downwards, pursued by the pinball as always. Finally, they came to the edge of the last domino and saw an exit too small for the pinball to follow.

In one last desperate leap, they cleared the gap and reached the end.

They then came to around red room, with a violet curtain on the far wall with an outline of darkness. For a moment they stared, breathing heavily. Finally, Yamcha spoke: 'It looks like there is a tunnel behind that curtain. It could be a way out of here. Or a trap.'

'What should we do?' asked Bulma.

'I don't know,' said Yamcha.

At that moment the curtain was pulled back to reveal the pinball, framed by spotlights on either side.

'…Fuck.' said Kakarot.

Then they turned and fled, pursued by the pinballs once again through the caverns. However, they had not gone far before they found themselves confronted with a dead end. They ran up against it, feeling for secret doors in vain.

'Oh no, we're trapped!' said Yamcha.

They turned round to face the pinball racing towards them, waiting for their inevitable end. For a few terrible moments, they closed their eyes. Yet the end never came. They opened their eyes and saw the pinball had halted.

'It halted.' said Kakarot. 'Why would it halt?'

It rolled back.

'Are we alive?' asked Bulma.

Then the wall shut on them again.

'You know, there is something familiar about this room.' said Kakarot.

Then they noticed the broken TV. 'No!' cried Bulma 'It's the same room we started in!'

Laughter broke out from the speakers, Pilaf's laughter. 'Great, you're all safe. That's good, I was worried you wouldn't be able to see me crowned supreme ruler of the world! Even now my elite agents are closing in on the last five dragonballs! Soon I will wish for world domination! I'll see you at my inauguration, bye!'

The speaker cut out.

There was a long silence. Then Bulma slammed her hands against the wall. 'No! We can't let it end here! There has to be a way out!'

'Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'you have to use the kamehameha wave! It's our only hope!'

'I can try, I guess.' said Kakarot. 'You learned about it while you were stalking us, right?'

'Nevermind that Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'we need to get out of here before they can track down the other balls.'

'Right,' said Kakarot, before taking a stance. 'Kaaa… meee… haaa… meee… HAAAAAAAAA!'

Once again an onslaught of light and energy, there was an explosion. The walls rocked, and smoke kicked up, as a huge hole was blasted in the wall. Kakarot walked towards it. '…It doesn't look large enough for a person to go through. I'll work on it.'

'Move aside, Kakarot.' said Yamcha, staring through the hole. 'Okay, we can't get through here. But if we can get just one of those dragonballs away from Pilaf, he won't be able to summon the dragon. Puar, transform into a bat and see what you can do.'

'Right!' said Puar, before turning into a bat and flying past him.

'…Yeah that's totally not going to work.' said Kakarot after a moment. The others looked at him in shock. 'What? Pilaf has demonstrated himself to ruthlessly competent and has beaten us at every turn so far. He truly is a worthy opponent, despite his comical nature.' Even if it did work, Yamcha would get the wish. Then he heard a sound, a sound he had only heard once before. It was very distant and drawing nearer. 'Is that the Nimbus Cloud?'

'The nimbus cloud?' asked Yamcha.

He shoved past them and looked out into the distance, and saw a far away figure in pink and violet armor flying upon a yellow cloud. An idea seized him and he drew his power pole and set it on the edge of the hole.

'What are you doing?' asked Yamcha.

'Getting my wish,' said Kakarot. 'power pole extend.'

* * *

Chi Chi had been somewhat distracted in the days following Kakarot's departure. Working alongside him had been… fun, and she found herself missing him. Ordinarily, she might have put aside such thoughts and focused on things closer to home. However then she remembered that she had the flying nimbus, and, after getting her papa's permission, she'd gone after him.

Following Kakarot had been easier than she expected. She heard tales about how he and the desert bandit Yamcha defeated Monster Carrot. From there she had set out in their general direction, and just kind of flown onwards. Even so, she had recently lost track of him.

All of a sudden a red pole shot past her face, and she ran headlong into it, before falling off the nimbus and skyrocketing towards the ground. Fortunately, Nimbus came and saved her at the last minute. Flying the Nimbus back up, Chi Chi examined the red pole. 'Its Kakarot's power pole!' she realized 'But what would it be doing here?' She followed its length and saw it led towards a great and terrible castle. 'Oh no, what if he's being held as a prisoner in there against his will! I've got to save him!'

She soared along the power pole, following the Nimbus towards the castle until they came to a hole in the wall. Within she saw him, her love. 'Kakarot, what happened? How did you get captured?'

'We don't have time.' said Kakarot quickly. 'Some very bad people are about to get their hands upon the dragonballs, and we can't let them make their wish.'

'...So bad people like you or...?'

'Worse I'm afraid.' lied Kakarot.

'What can I do to help?' asked Chi Chi.

'When they summon the dragon,' said Kakarot 'I need you to make a wish before they can. And I want you to make the wish in these exact words…' He motioned for her to get closer and she leaned in. Then he whispered them in her ear.

'Are you sure?' she asked 'I mean that seems awfully mean-'

'The fate of the world depends on it Chi Chi. Say those exact words!'

'But-'

'THOSE! EXACT! WORDS!' he roared.

'Yeah, okay…' said Chi Chi, 'I could just break out of here?'

Kakarot paused. '…Are you implying that you are capable of breaking these walls.'

'Well I could try using my beam canon, I guess.' said Chi Chi.

'Beam canon, of course.' said Kakarot 'And here I was expecting something that actually made sense.'

'Okay,' said Chi Chi 'stand back.'

She floated a little bit away from the wall and focused her power through the helmet. After a moment the beam shot forth and pierced the wall. Chi Chi focused through it, widening the area being affected, and the walls began to shudder with the force. Yet it did not break, and Chi Chi sighed, rubbing her head. 'Oh, I can't break it on my own.'

'Alright fine,' he said 'try it again and this time I'll use my kamehameha wave at the same time.'

'Okay,' said Chi Chi, before once again focusing her beam.

'Kamehameha!' cried Kakarot from the inside.

Suddenly the wall exploded with a massive force, and dust and smoke kicked up as the light of day filled the cell. Chi Chi's cloak was thrown behind her from the impact, as stones fell from above.

Kakarot stepped out into the daylight, spinning his power pole before sheathing it. 'Good work Chi Chi, now let's go get the dragonballs. Come on guys.'

'Uh… okay,' said Chi Chi as Kakarot began scaling down the castle walls accompanied by Yamcha and Bulma. 'I'll just tag along I guess.'

* * *

The cronies of Emperor Pilaf rode through the night towards the designated coordinates. Eventually, Shu and Mai halted their vehicle and stepped out to look around. Mai looked at her instruments. 'According to our readings, the balls should be somewhere around here. She scanned the area. 'Let's spread out and see what we can find.'

After a few minutes of searching, Shu called out to her. Mai rushed to meet him and saw him pointing at the ground. 'See there Mai, the ground has been disturbed here. Maybe they buried the balls here.'

'Let's dig it up and find out.' said Mai, grabbing two shovels from their air car.

After a few minutes of digging, they came across dragonballs. 'One, two, three, four, five.' said Shu 'I think we hit the jackpot here, Mai.'

'Great,' said Mai 'Emperor Pilaf will be very pleased with our results. Let's grab them and get moving.' She raised a com. 'Emperor, we have the rest of the dragonballs. You can make your wish as soon as your ready.'

'Good work.' said Pilaf 'Bring the dragonballs back here at once. I'll meet you outside.'

Things were rapidly approaching a crisis point, though what exactly the result might be was anyone's guess.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we have chapter eleven of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs. At the last minute, I decided to veer off from a standard outcome, because why keep things the same when they can be different. Also, Chi Chi owns the Nimbus Cloud now, because I didn't want it to just be a complete nonentity.

So yeah, I think Chi Chi may be playing a bigger role in this fic than the original dragonball. Funny how that worked out.

Just a fair warning, this next chapter may be the one where I break my update schedule. A lot of stuff is going to change, after all, and so it may take a few days.


	12. A Wish from the Eternal Dragon

**Chapter Twelve: A Wish from the Eternal Dragon**

Emperor Pilaf made his way out of his castle in a very good mood. All too soon Mai and Shu would arrive with the remaining dragonballs, and then he would wish for world domination. Then nothing could stop him! He giggled to himself as he clutched the case in which the dragonballs were kept closer to him. Soon he emerged blinking into the darkness of night, oblivious to the sound of footsteps behind him.

* * *

Kakarot struck swiftly with his power pole, knocking Emperor Pilaf unconscious with one blow and sending him falling to the ground. He then picked up the box and opened it. 'Alright, we have two dragonballs now.' he said, glancing over to Yamcha. 'Now we need only intercept the remaining two henchmen, and our task will be complete.'

'Right,' said Yamcha.

There was a pause between them as they waited, and Kakarot reflected that it would become necessary to defeat Yamcha very soon. The others would be a simple matter to knock unconscious, but Yamcha might be a legitimate threat.

He was almost certain he could take out Mai and Shu on his own, and as Yamcha had his back to him, Kakarot raised his power pole.

Then they heard the sound of an air car humming throughout the night. Mai and Shu drove up, and got out of the car, rushing towards the castle. 'Emperor!' cried Mai 'Emperor, we got the… dragon… balls…'

They stopped as they saw Yamcha and Kakarot standing before them, looking quite unamused. They made for their car. Kakarot brought down his power pole and smashed their car with one blow, as Yamcha descended on them and knocked both of them out with one blow from his hands. Finally, he picked them up, as Kakarot readied himself for a spring. It would be for the best if everyone else was unconscious when he made his wish.

Yet something stopped him. After all, they had been through he couldn't quite bring himself to strike from behind. No, he would defeat Yamcha in a fair fight. Then he would knock everyone unconscious. Now how to broach the subject?

They gathered together the dragonballs in a circle and sat around it, unsure of how to proceed. Bulma opened her mouth, and Kakarot looked at her flatly so that she closed it right away. The balls were glowing with an unworldly light at their proximity to each other.

'…So what now?' asked Bulma finally.

'Well,' said Kakarot 'its obvious that not all of us can get our wish. So I think the obvious thing is for me and Yamcha to fight each other in single combat to determine who will make their wish.'

'That's fine by me.' said Yamcha.

'But that's not fair!' objected Bulma 'Puar and I have gone through just as much as you guys to get these dragonballs! Why should we be left in the dust?'

'Actually, I'm perfectly content with Yamcha getting his wish.' said Puar.

'You're not helping, you little furball!' said Bulma.

'I'm not trying to.'

'I have an idea,' said Chi Chi, over to one side.

There was a long pause, as Kakarot turned to Chi Chi and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 'Well, what is it?'

'Why don't each of you explain what you intended to do with your wish, and then you can all decided which one is the most worthwhile.' suggested Chi Chi. 'That way no one has to fight anyone.'

'But I already know what they want to wish for!' snapped Kakarot 'So why would they change their answer!'

'You do?' asked Chi Chi.

'…So what does Yamcha want to wish for?' asked Bulma, suddenly eager.

'Yeah, I don't remember ever hearing what Bulma wants.' reflected Yamcha.

'Do you two pay any attention to what's going on around you?!' snapped Kakarot incredulously.

'I go into shock just by being in the same room as a pretty girl my age.' said Yamcha 'I don't really have time to think about their motives.'

'Are you saying I'm pretty?' asked Bulma, tone flirtatious.

'Uh… yes.' said Yamcha, shaking slightly. 'Anyway, ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of pretty girls my age that never goes away. I was planning to wish that away.'

'I know!' snapped Kakarot 'I was there in the car when you made that proclamation! Although I will admit its a hell of a lot better than Bulma's wish for a perfect boyfriend!'

'It's not that bad…' began Bulma.

'It's worse,' said Kakarot 'and I'll tell you why. The perfect boyfriend, was it? What is that? What even is that? I'll tell you what it is, it's an abstract concept! I can neither be defined nor created. Perfection is by its very nature that which there is no greater thing that can be conceived of. In other words, there is nothing to build a relationship on because you and he would have nothing in common!

I'm sure he'd be very good looking, but if you are going to plan your future entirely around the superficial then you might as well just date Yamcha and save the wish for someone else!'

'Fine!' roared Bulma 'Maybe I will!'

There was a long, long silence as Kakarot realized his misstep. Yamcha himself looked more than a little reluctant to continue on this path, now that his fear of women was acting up again. Then he little by little forced himself into composure. 'Uh… if you are okay with it, Bulma, I am…'

This was absurd! Kakarot wanted Bulma for himself, not in the arms of his rival. His outburst seemed to have destroyed her interest in the wish, but at what cost. He noticed Chi Chi fuming some ways away, at something which he did not know.

'So what would you want to wish for, Kakarot?' asked Puar.

'I'd wish to bring my grandfather back!' snapped Kakarot.

There was silence amongst the group. Kakarot looked to them. 'I mean, my master. I'd want to bring my master back to life. I had unfinished business to attend to with him, and he died far too early.'

'…You know Kakarot,' said Bulma 'that sounds like a much better wish than either of us could come up with.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I'm sure I can overcome my fear of women on my own.'

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'well that was easy. If I'd known all I had to do was reveal my plans to bring them to fruition I would have done it a long time ago.'

'Look up there Kakarot!' cried Puar 'It's a full moon out tonight! Isn't it soothing.'

'Not really.' said Kakarot dryly. 'My master was killed on a full moon.'

'Oh,' said Puar 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories.'

Silence engulfed them. 'Kakarot, if you don't mind me asking,' said Yamcha 'what could kill a master of Gohan's power?'

'A giant ape.' said Kakarot 'I don't remember much about it, but I remember it crushed him. Then it destroyed our house and crushed all our trees. I never was able to find the damn thing afterward though, which is kind of weird. The odd thing is that my master always insisted I not look up at the full moon. He said doing so summoned dangerous monsters.' He stretched out his arms and legs. 'Well, we might as well make the wish now. It'll be interesting to see this dragon.'

The group quickly got out of the way and stood just a little behind him as he stood over the seven magical balls. 'Come forth, dragon!' cried Kakarot 'Come forth and grant my desires!'

The balls began to glow so brightly that they were forced to avert their eyes. Clouds covered the sky as light snaked out of the balls and transformed into the dragon. He was longer than the road they had traveled, and his body was as thick as a battleship's hull. Two antlers were on his head, and glowing red eyes gazed down upon them. Kakarot stared up, marveling at the power and size of the majestic beast. Puar cowered, while Yamcha took a stance unconsciously.

'He's gigantic…' said Bulma.

'This guy sure lives up to his hype…' said Yamcha in awe.

'I hope he doesn't eat cats.' said Puar fearfully.

 **'** **I am the eternal dragon, Shenron.'** stated the dragon **'Speak your wish, yet beware. For it will come true.'**

This was his hour. All the effort Kakarot had put into gathering these stupid balls, and protecting these wretches had come to this single moment. At long last, he would be able to achieve that which he had fought, killed, and been injured for. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of the creature before him, but he screwed up his courage and spoke. 'DRAGON! ANCIENT ONE! HEAR MY DESIRE! RETURN MY MASTER GOHAN TO LIFE, THAT I MIGHT SLAY HIM AND PROVE MYSELF WORTHY OF PUTTING THIS WRETCHED WORLD TO THE FLAME!'

'Wait what?' said Bulma.

'Why would you want to kill him again!' said Yamcha.

It was too late. The fools had given him their wish without asking the right questions. Even now Kakarot looked on with a sharklike smile, waiting as Shenron glowed with an unworldly light. He could sense the rules of reality being suspended, feel the energy coursing as the veil between life and death being pierced that Master Gohan would soon return to life. And his student Kakarot would be waiting for him, to send him back where he came from, and begin the decimation of this pathetic mudball.

Nothing happened. Silence reigned as Kakarot waited. 'Well?!' he snapped.

 **'…** **I am unable to grant that wish.'** said Shenron after a moment.

'What!' said Kakarot. 'You just said that my wish would come true!'

 **'** **Your master is refusing to return to life.'** stated Shenron.

'Why the HFIL should he could get a say in it?!' snarled Kakarot 'Did he travel across the world searching for seven magical balls that were supposed to grant you any wish you want in order to not return to life?!'

 **'** **The domain of the afterlife is beyond my power to effect unless I am allowed to do so by the spirits who reside there.** ' stated Shenron. **'The Gods forbid me to return to life those who are unwilling to return.'**

Kakarot stared up at Shenron, holding his gaze for a long, long time.

 **'** **You try my patience.'** said Shenron **'Make another wish, or wish for nothing so that I may return to my slumber.'**

'Oh no, you don't get to pull that after what we've gone through to get these things!' snapped Kakarot 'Get me a line to someone in authority right now! And that's not a wish, its a demand!'

There was a long pause as Shenron considered this, and in the interests of going back to sleep sooner allowed it to happen. **'Very well, I will give you the audience you seek…'**

A presence then came in amongst them, terribly powerful, and ancient. The clouds parted as the light shone down upon them, illuminating them. The others drew in a breath of awe at the heavenly light. _'I am Kami, the eternal guardian of earth. Creator of the Dragonballs. Is there something I can do to help you?'_

'Yeah, I'm trying to bring my grandfather back from the dead.' said Kakarot 'And I'm being told that him not wanting to come back throws a spanner in the works. Is there anything you can do to help? This is kind of the moment my entire life has been building up to.'

 _'I'm afraid not.'_ said Kami _'While I created the dragonballs it is not in my authority to change the rules by which they operate. Those restrictions were set by far greater powers than I.'_

'Then why the HFIL do you call yourself god?' snapped Kakarot. 'Bit of a deceptive title don't you think?'

 _'Think of me as a... regional governor.'_ said Kami ruefully. _'I answer prayers, point people in the right direction, influence events for the betterment of mankind and deal with all the paperwork regarding heavenly affairs and such. However once a soul has passed over to the Other World, it is beyond my jurisdiction.'_

'Okay, okay,' said Kakarot 'so who is in authority?'

 _'That would be King Yemma,'_ said Kami _'he judges the souls of the dead and determines their final resting place. You should direct your concerns to him.'_

'Great, patch me through to him.' said Kakarot.

 _'King Yemma is a very busy man, you usually need at least a week before you can get an appointment.'_

'I'm standing here in the middle of a wasteland, with a magical wish granting dragon hovering over my head waiting for _anyone_ to make a wish.' said Kakarot 'I'm on a bit of a timetable. If I have to wait a week, I'm going to have to snap three peoples necks in order to prevent them from stealing the wish.'

'Your talking about Pilaf and his henchmen right?' asked Yamcha.

'Obviously, I'm talking about Pilaf and his henchmen,' said Kakarot 'what do you take me for, a brutal psychotic.'

 _'...Are you threatening me?'_ asked Kami.

'No,' stated Kakarot 'merely reiterating that standing in the middle of the wasteland with a magical wish granting dragon is not safest of situations for anyone to be in for a week.'

 _'...Very well, I shall endeavor to put you in contact with him. Mr Popo, can you arrange for-'_

The line cut out, and a cheery, ultra annoying and upbeat form of music began to play in their ears, while the clouds closed over. Kakarot looked around. '...Is this elevator music?'

'I think so.' said Puar.

'I can see why grandfather decided to live in the woods.' he muttered.

'W-whats going on here?' asked Bulma suddenly.

'HFIL if I know.' said Yamcha.

 _'This is King Yemma speaking, I've just received news that you blackmailed Kami into giving you a meeting with me. Not going to look good on your resume in the day of judgment kid. Now, why are you calling?'_

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'I need you to pull rank on my dead Master Gohan, and tell him to submit to being resurrected. My entire life has been building up to this moment.'

 _'Kid, you're looking at the heavenly bureau the whole wrong way. Your acting like I'm some kind of King.'_

'It is in the name!' said Kakarot.

 _'It's my first name, actually. King Jonathan Yemma. And anyway, I just judge the dead worthy of HFIL or heaven. Once they pass through my office, I don't keep track of them.'_

'Where did the acronym HFIL come from anyway?' asked Yamcha 'It seems kind of weird.'

 _'It means 'Home for Infinite Losers.'_ said King Yemma _'Back in the day we called it hell, but then some activists complained that it was polluting the ears of dead children. Ended up being renamed HFIL. I miss the old word.'_

'Look I don't care about any of this!' snapped Kakarot 'If you aren't in authority over the dead, then who is?'

 _'That would be King Kai, he's the authority over your section of the universe. But you won't fair any better with him. Compelling a soul to return to life is hugely taboo, usually only done in circumstances of incredible gravity.'_

'So basically you've been wasting my time.' concluded Kakarot.

 _'This **is**_ _customer service.'_ Yemma reminded him.

Then an idea occurred to Kakarot. 'Look, can you patch me through to grandfather himself. I'd like to try and talk to him about... things.'

 _'I don't see why not. You did stain your record with divine blackmail to get to this point, so I'll humor you.'_

There was no elevator music this time. The presence beyond the clouds simply changed, and before anyone even spoke, Kakarot knew he was talking to his grandfather.

 _'_ _Hello, grandson.'_ said a very familiar voice.

'I told you not to call me that!' snapped Kakarot 'And I've gone through too much trouble for you to screw this up for me! Get down here so I can kill you, you old bastard!'

 _'_ _No.'_

'We had an agreement!' yelled Kakarot skyward. 'I don't try to destroy this world until I defeat you in single combat! No tricks! No treachery! That was the deal! If you don't get down here and fight me, I will consider it a breach of contract and murder everything in sight! Then the planet! And possibly the universe after that!'

'…Do we get a say in this?' asked Bulma in a small tone.

'You're not involved!' roared Kakarot.

'We're feeling pretty involved…' said Puar.

What might have been a resigned sigh echoed throughout their minds. _'Kakarot, I realize you want to destroy the world a great deal,'_ said Gohan in a long-suffering tone. _'but you are nowhere near powerful enough to do it at this stage. You would not stand a chance against me, let alone Master Roshi.'_

'Care to prove that?!'

 _'_ _I don't need to prove it,'_ said Gohan _'you couldn't even injure the Ox King, and I was always the more talented between us. I have not forgotten about our fight, and arrangements have been made. However, I will not battle you in these circumstances.'_

'Well what the hell am I supposed to do with the wish then?!' snapped Kakarot. 'I went to a great deal of trouble to gather these things, you know!'

 _'_ _Grandson, I am quite sure that you can come up with a wish which does not involve murder. If anything you should view this as an opportunity to get a mutually beneficial wish for you and your friends. Just like you wanted. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a great many matters which require my attention.'_

Then the presence was gone. Kakarot remained silent for a moment, considering things. '…So does anyone want to wish for world domination?'

'Okay, okay, back up here for a minute.' said Yamcha 'What is this about you destroying the world?'

Kakarot sighed. 'For as long as I can remember my mission, my foremost goal in life, that which I have been charged with, has been to annihilate all sentient creatures on this world. I don't know why I just know that that was my task. But Grandpa Gohan, I mean Master Gohan made it clear to me that I wasn't _ready_ to destroy the world. If I tried, I'd kill a few villages and then get stopped flat out by the more powerful martial artists.'

'Right, okay sure.' said Bulma in a placating tone.

'Stop talking to me like that!' said Kakarot.

'We're not talking to you like anything,' said Yamcha.

'No one is talking to you like this…' said Puar.

'I'm not crazy alright!' said Kakarot 'I'm totally, completely, sane. Now does anyone want to wish for world domination?' He glanced back to Shenron. 'Can you actually grant that?'

 **'** **I can.'** stated Shenron, somewhat relieved that he wasn't going to have to report another failure.

'Great,' said Kakarot 'now do you guys want to rule the world or not?'

'Well… uh…' Yamcha paused. 'If you took over the world, Kakarot, you'd have to run it.'

'…Good point,' said Kakarot after a moment. 'oh to hell with it! Dragon! GRANT ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS ETERNAL YOUTH!'

 **'** **Your wish has been granted. Farewell!'** stated Shenron, before disappearing back into the dragonballs, which rose into the air and shot off in seven different directions. The clouds parted, and the sky was once again returned to normal.

There was silence for a moment as everyone felt a spring of energy seep into them. Finally, Yamcha spoke. 'That was actually a pretty good wish Kakarot.' he said.

'Why not just ask for immortality?' asked Puar.

'Because immortality doesn't automatically come with agelessness or invincibility.' said Kakarot 'I didn't want to trust to Shenron's benevolence. It's possible that I could end up as an ancient man, unable to move because of my great age, but unable to gain the release of death. Or worse, a rotting corpse which is physically dead, but whose spirit remains trapped within, unable to even scream.'

'…Yeah, that's a good reason.' said Puar with a shudder.

'Well I for one,' said Bulma 'like the idea of remaining eternally youthful and beautiful. Someone of my beauty was not meant to grow old.'

'But… what if we never grow up?' asked Chi Chi.

Kakarot looked to where she was standing a ways away. 'Good point, I don't want to remain as I am forever. Well worst comes to worst, we can always find the dragonballs and wish ourselves to adulthood.'

'Well we're not going to be able to do that for awhile.' said Bulma 'See when the dragonballs are scattered across the earth, they stop working and turn to stone for one whole year. Even if you found one, you wouldn't know it for what it was.'

'Well we can cross that bridge when we come to it.' reflected Kakarot. 'Now unless anyone wants to snap Pilaf's neck-'

'We don't.' said Bulma.

'I suggest we leave this area and… and-'

Kakarot saw the moon.

'Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'are you alright?'

It was as though a beast long kept chained within was unleashed. Kakarot's muscles bulged outward as he grew taller, tearing through his clothes. His mouth became a maw of sharp teeth as he grew larger and larger. Brown fur covered his body as he stood to tower over his friends, The beast which Kakarot had become roared to the sky, his footfalls shaking the ground as he beat his chest.

The great ape had been unleashed.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

So yeah, Pilaf was something of an anticlimax boss. Fun fact, earlier drafts of this chapter featured Bulma meeting Kami. Decent idea, but it wasn't going anywhere so I nixed it in favor of Kakarot talking with his master. As for Kakarot's wish, I couldn't do immortality, because that would completely undermine the suspense for the story.

I did have plans for each of them to try and make their wish, only to fail due to contrived technicalities, however, I decided that would make Shenron out of character.

By the way, I am unsure as to whether or not to keep the whole heavenly customer service part of the fic. If you think it intrudes, say so and I'll remove it.


	13. The Legend of Kakarot

**Chapter Thirteen: The Legend of Kakarot**

A feral roar echoed throughout the landscape as Kakarot lumbered forward, his great arms swinging forward to smash down the high towers of Pilaf's castle! His strength snapped through the structures reinforced stone like twigs, sending debris scattering over the surrounding desert as the full moon loomed above, leering down at them as if in silent triumph for what it had wrought. The ground trembled as Kakarot crushed the walls, and threw great swaths of rock into the air, silhouetted against the night sky like some terrible nightmare.

Yet this was no nightmare, it was real.

'We'd better make a run for it!' said Yamcha suddenly. 'This whole place will be rubble if he doesn't change back!'

'We can't just leave him!' said Chi Chi.

'I think Yamcha is right!' cried Bulma in terror. 'We've got to get out of here and wait for him to change back!'

At that moment, as though the great ape had heard their plans, it turned and lumbered towards them. The group scattered as one great arm reached down. Yet Bulma tripped and fell, and was grasped within the ape's hand, which brought her up as it turned and began continuing to make a ruin of the once proud castle.

'Yamcha!' cried Bulma 'Help! Then she was drawn up before Kakarot's face. The great beast roared in front of her and she fainted dead away.

Yamcha stood and watched, trying to think of some way to stop the creature rampaging. 'This is bad, if he finishes destroying the castle, Bulma might be next. We've got to help her!'

'Why is she grabbing her?!' snapped Chi Chi incredulously. 'I'm the pure of heart maiden who can ride the Nimbus! What does she have that I don't?!'

'Now is probably not the best time.' said Puar gently, before turning to her master. 'Yamcha, we have to take action!'

'What do you expect me to do?' asked Yamcha at a loss. 'I just about fought evenly with him when he was a kid. Now he's strong enough to tear down walls that we couldn't even scratch before, and tall as a mountain! Oh… this is not how I imagined the tale of my life ending!' He halted. 'Tale… of course, his tail! That's his weakness!'

Suddenly Kakarot picked up a huge segment of a tower and hurled it with one arm towards them. Yamcha rushed forward, as the others scattered and the piece of masonry landed on the ground and shattered into a thousand pieces. Yamcha hit the ground as the pieces flew over his head, moments before Chi Chi hovered above him with the Nimbus.

'That was close…' said Yamcha as he rose up. 'And it doesn't look like Kakarot's finished yet.'

Kakarot now turned and was rushing towards them, and they scarcely got out from underfoot before they were trampled. His footfalls each had the weight of a fallen hill, yet Yamcha leaped behind him and rushed the tail.

'Wolf fang fist!' he cried, before striking the tail.

Kakarot roared in pain as the attack hit his tail, and the sound of it shook them all. Yamcha clutched the tail, as the great ape stepped to and fro, slamming the ground. Tighter and tighter gripped the appendage, and the more he did it the more Kakarot thrashed in fury. Finally, the ape's roaring subsided, and he fell to a kneel, complacent.

'Quick Chi Chi,' said Yamcha 'now is our chance! Use your helmet blade to snip off his tail!'

'Why don't you ask your new girlfriend to do it for you.' snapped Chi Chi in a jilted tone.

What the hell was she on about? 'Puar, turn into a giant pair of scissors and snip off his tail!.

'Right!' said Puar.

It was only as Puar did so that Yamcha realized that he was not thinking logically. Cutting off Kakarot's tail had no assurance of turning him back, and if it succeeded was absolutely certain to get rid of the one advantage they had. 'Wait nevermind, ignore-'

Snip. The tail was sliced through by Puar's body, and they were committed.

The tail fell to the ground, and Kakarot roared as Bulma fell from his grip. Yamcha rushed through the air and made a flying leap, catching her out of midair and landing perfectly. Bulma's eyes fluttered open as she looked into his eyes. '…Thanks for playing my knight in shining armor.'

At that moment Kakarot was surrounded by blue light, as he began to shake, groaning and moaning in such a terrible voice that Yamcha became afraid he would attack them again. Then, without warning, he began to shrink. The hair on his body receded, leaving only his original form as he became once more a twelve-year-old child. He fell down, lying unconscious and looking far more adorable than any person with his personality had a right to be.

'Well he's back to normal at least,' said Puar 'though I guess he doesn't have a tail anymore.'

Far above, the moon loomed ominously.

* * *

Daylight came a few hours later, and soon they were sitting down as the sun rose over the devastated castle. The temperature rose, as they waited around for Kakarot to wait up. No one was quite sure what to say, though Chi Chi was sticking close by Kakarot, watching him sleep. They had put a blanket over him and he slept on. In the new morning light, things appeared far better than they had the previous day. No one spoke much, for there didn't seem to be much to speak about.

'…That was quite an adventure,' said Yamcha after a moment.

'I just realized something,' said Bulma, in a thoughtful tone.

'What?' said Puar.

'Kakarot has already beaten his grandfather.' said Bulma.

'What do you mean?' asked Yamcha.

'Remember his story about how his master died?' asked Bulma 'It all matches up. Kakarot lost consciousness because he transformed into that monster. He killed his master in his rage. That's why his Master warned him never to look at the moon, Kakarot must have transformed more than once, and the second time his Grandfather wasn't able to stop him.'

'You're right,' said Yamcha, fear coming into his tone. 'if Kakarot ever finds out that he beat his master, even if it was unconscious, he might take it as a victory and… I don't want to think what this kid could be capable of if he went bad.'

Bulma sighed. 'It's just so hard to believe.'

'So what is the deal?' asked Puar 'Do you think Kakarot is an alien?'

'I've got the feeling he'll be quite normal now that his tail has been cut off.' said Yamcha ruefully.

'I hope so,' said Bulma 'I've got enough friends with weird hangups already. Not mentioning any names of course.'

Suddenly Kakarot leaped to his feet. 'Who are you! It doesn't matter! I'll take you all at once!' he snarled as he took a stance.

'Well that was more or less to be expected.' said Yamcha with a sigh.

'…Why am I naked?' asked Kakarot.

'Don't you remember?' asked Chi Chi.

'No,' said Kakarot 'what happened? Actually never mind, I need to get some clothes.'

'WHAT HAPPENED!' came a shriek, and they looked to see Emperor Pilaf looking in horror at the ruins of his castle. 'I had all seven dragonballs! Then everything went dark and I was standing here with my castle destroyed and all the dragonballs gone!'

'We already made our wish.' stated Kakarot behind him. 'Your clothes, give them to me.'

Pilaf turned to see Kakarot. 'Why you insolent wretch-'

Kakarot seized him by the throat and lifted him a foot off the ground. 'I implore you to reconsider.'

A few minutes later Kakarot was standing in the robes of Emperor Pilaf, though he had left him the ridiculous hat. Bulma sighed. 'Yep, same old Kakarot.'

'Now could someone please explain to me why I was naked, and why the castle is in ruins.' said Kakarot.

'There was an earthquake.' said Yamcha quickly.

'Really?' asked Kakarot 'What about the clothes?'

'We don't know,' said Bulma quickly 'because we were so distracted by the earthquake that we didn't notice what took your clothes.'

'…And everyone is going to confirm this statement?' asked Kakarot, looking around at his friends, who all nodded. Chi Chi looked away and hmphed. 'Very well, keep your secrets. But I know your hiding something from me. Fortunately for you-' And then he fell forward and landed on his face. 'I don't care. Why am I having trouble balancing?'

'Well that's not too surprising,' said Yamcha confidently. 'you probably just have to spend some time learning to balance without your tail.'

'My tail?' asked Kakarot, before glancing behind him. 'WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TAIL!' Then he paused. 'Oh to hell with it, it'll grow back soon enough.'

The group fell down, before quickly rising.

'Now,' said Kakarot 'where is my power pole?'

'Oh it's that way,' said Yamcha, pointing towards the ruins. 'somewhere around the castle. We lost track of it in the earthquake.'

'Great, more searching,' snapped Kakarot 'just my- ow!' He landed face down with a crash and arose before continuing on, falling every so often. The three friends watched him searching around, still adjusting to his lack of a tail. Finally, Puar looked up to Yamcha.

'What are we going to do now, Yamcha? We aren't going to be able to look for the dragonballs for one whole year.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'it was fun while it lasted though.' She looked to Yamcha, and he looked to her. 'So about Kakarot's suggestion…'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I think he had the right idea.'

They looked at each other for a moment, and then wrapped their arms around each other, their lips meeting in a tentative kiss, which gradually became more forceful as they became engrossed in each other-

'Alright, so I'm back and- what the HFIL are you guys doing?' asked Kakarot. He was, as a point of fact, fully aware of what they were doing.

They quickly broke the kiss and realized that Chi Chi was glaring daggers at Yamcha, while Kakarot looked more than a little unamused. 'Uh… nothing,' said Bulma. 'I think Yamcha and I have decided that we'd like to spend a little more time together.' Chi Chi's glare intensified, as she seemed to loom over the landscape, fire coming into her eyes. Yamcha seemed more than a little afraid, and also confused, but he stood his ground. 'So… so why don't we all head back to the city.'

'Yeah, great,' said Kakarot 'fine, whatever.' He had just about had enough of pursuing Bulma for the moment, so he'd let this pass.'I have business with the Master Roshi to conduct before I head anywhere else. I have to prepare for my match with Gohan.'

'Ah, right,' said Bulma 'that. You know you're pretty strong as you are right now.'

'Yeah, but I couldn't even scratch the paint job on that castle.' said Kakarot 'So if someone else was able to blow it up, I really need to get stronger. Besides, this wretched world isn't going to burn itself.'

'Well, thats… nice.' said Bulma with a slightly fearful smile. 'You know, I think I'm actually going to miss you kid.'

'Well when a year goes by we can get back together and search for the dragonballs again.' said Kakarot ruefully. 'We could wish for immortality next time.'

'We don't need dragonballs anymore.' said Bulma, before she and Yamcha started laughing.

'Wonderful,' snapped Kakarot 'which means I'm stuck without any means of locating them.'

'Tell you what,' said Bulma, drawing out her dragon radar. 'how about I give you this dragon radar as a going away present to remember all the good times we had together.'

Kakarot blinked in surprise, feeling touched despite himself. 'Thank you Bulma,' he said before taking the radar. 'you know it was kind of fun. The sensation of Monster Carrots life force draining away was quite satisfying after I crushed his skull.'

'You're an extremely sick person Kakarot.' said Bulma in deadpan. 'I hope you know that.'

Yamcha then turned and drew out a capsule. 'Well, here goes.' He hit the button and tossed it. There was a poof of smoke, and an airship appeared.

Yamcha then turned to Kakarot. 'I guess this is goodbye Kakarot.' He offered him a hand, and Kakarot took it. 'I want you to become just as strong as Master Roshi, okay.'

'Right,' said Kakarot with a smile. 'hey maybe after I scourge all life from this pathetic domain of weaklings we could get together a team, go into space and do it to other unworthy worlds.'

'Don't count on it.' said Yamcha, smile unfading. He was quite unwilling to ruin the moment.

'You know, I'll never forget you Kakarot.' said Bulma.

Kakarot blushed despite himself, then turned away. 'Oh son of a bitch!' he snapped.

'What?' said Yamcha.

'I just realized that I'm going to have to power pole my way all the way back to Master Roshi's island.' said Kakarot 'It was hard enough after Fire Mountain. It's going to be a nightmare.'

'That's okay Kakarot,' said Chi Chi suddenly. 'if you want I could take you there on my flying Nimbus.'

'Chi Chi,' said Kakarot 'I thought we'd established by now that I can't ride the flying Nimbus.'

'Well I was thinking,' said Chi Chi 'maybe if you took my hand, and I pulled you up onto to it, and it knew that I wanted you to ride with me, maybe it would let you on it.'

'…Well I suppose its worth a try,' said Kakarot 'it'll beat the other alternatives.'

Chi Chi offered him a hand, and Kakarot reached forward and took it. She pulled him up, and he tried to set his foot onto the Nimbus. For a moment he was afraid his foot would fall through, but then he was able to get up on top. As he stood on the Flying Nimbus, he suddenly felt light as air.

At the same time Yamcha, Bulma and Puar got into their own vehicle. 'Hold on everyone,' said Yamcha, before gunning the engines and flying the vehicle into the air.

At the same time, Chi Chi rode the flying Nimbus up after them. For a moment the cloud and the plane were flying neck to neck, as if in some great race. Kakarot could see his friends through the windshield waving at him as the Nimbus Cloud pulled in front of the plane and they soared their separate ways.

It was a moment he would treasure. 'I never thought life could be such a great adventure.' admitted Kakarot to Chi Chi.

Soon Kakarot's skills would be put to the test, as he underwent the rigors of the Turtle Hermits training. What other challenges await our young omnicidal maniac? A new day dawns and a new adventure begins, next time on Dragonball!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we have the end of the first arc. It has been a fun ride so far, and I'm particularly proud of the parting between Yamcha and Kakarot. Something about the whole thing really meshes well for me. I hope you've enjoyed reading this arc as much as I did writing it, or hopefully even more so.

What's interesting is how little Chi Chi had to say throughout this fic, actually. Which actually makes sense, since we never really see her do all that much interacting with anyone but Goku, during which he misunderstands everything she says. It's quite possible that Chi Chi was a quiet sort of person, who is fairly sheltered herself and not very outspoken. Which is hilarious, given what she ends up like later on.


	14. Kakarot's Adversary

**Chapter 14: Kakarot's adversary**

When we last left the dragonball gang, Kakarot and Chi Chi said their goodbyes to Yamcha and the others, heading for the island of the Turtle Hermit. With Master Roshi's help, Kakarot sought to prove his skills in martial arts. As they shot over a familiar landscape, Kakarot gazed down at his surroundings.

'This place is near my home,' he said in an introspective voice. 'I've never seen this from the sky before.'

'You live in a beautiful place, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi with a giggle 'I think you're kind of lucky.'

'In some ways, I suppose I am.' reflected Kakarot. 'Could you take us down near my house, I'll direct you to it. There are some things I need.'

They flew down low, racing through several great plateau's of rock, looking at the rocks and the rivers and the trees with a wonder only childhood can provide. A deer was drinking from the river, as they landed at Kakarot's request near the house in which he had dwelled.

He entered and swiftly retrieved a number of items he did not want to live long term without. As he set them down on the Nimbus, he sighed. 'I am hungry. I suppose I should hunt something before we go.'

'Master Roshi probably has food,' reflected Chi Chi.

'It's possible I suppose.' said Kakarot 'And it would not due to be late.'

They quickly set off on their own, flying across the skies.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yamcha flew the groups plane through a tropical paradise of extreme scenic beauty. Such was their distraction with the scenery that they flew too low. Next thing they knew there was a crash as one of their wings fell off, and the plane careening into a tree and exploded.

By some miracle, everyone had gotten out alive, with Yamcha and Puar clutching a tree while Bulma hung from vines. Yamcha landed. 'That was close.'

'We were nearly killed!' said Puar.

'I can't get down!' cried Bulma as she hung on to the vines for dear life.

'Just let go.' said Yamcha.

Bulma paused and realized she was only a few feet from the ground. 'Oh,' she let go and landed on her feet.

'Are you alright?' asked Yamcha.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'but the plane isn't.' The plane was wrecked, a flaming mass of twisted metal without hope of repair.

'Those ships still have some kinks in them.' said Yamcha.

Because he had saved her life, Bulma decided not to call him on his lousy driving.

'Yamcha,' said Puar 'what now?'

'Not sure,' admitted Yamcha 'that was our last capsule.' He looked around, hearing the sounds of wildlife throughout the trees. An ominous feeling fell over them as they looked at the unknown realm, holding who knew what terrors.

All of a sudden Bulma turned as something rustled in the bushes. Dark shapes darted between the trees around them as they clustered close together.

'It's not… so bad,' said Bulma, getting a little closer to Yamcha. At that moment a giant flying beast flew over their heads, with a wingspan larger than they all were put together. Bulma shrieked. 'Let's move quickly!'

A cry suddenly echoed to one side, and Yamcha looked up. 'Wasn't that a human voice?'

'I don't care what it was!' cried Bulma 'We're leaving!' Then she grabbed his hand and hauled him away, while Puar followed behind.

* * *

Elsewhere a short and bald figure raced through the trees with massive speed. Leaping into the air, he brought around one foot and struck a tree, before rebounding and striking another. Finally, he landed and raced onwards, as the trees fell down behind him. A smug smile of satisfaction was on his face.

* * *

Chi Chi had begun to amuse herself by flying low and in between various trees, soaring across landscapes at a speed which Kakarot found distressing. Even so, his pride would not allow him to show fear in the face of this insanity. Flying over a Lake, she made a great wave on either side by the sheer speed of the Nimbus. Water splashed up to strike his face, and he shielded himself.

They soared through countless mountains at a breakneck speed, and every moment Kakarot knew that a missed turn could spell their end. 'Could you slow this thing down?!' he shouted.

'I think it's kinda fun.' said Chi Chi.

Then they descended into a great pit in the side of the mountain, racing into the darkness past countless bats who flew by them. Emerging into the daylight, they ended up careening towards a sheer cliff face. Yet the Nimbus made a sharp turn and shot upwards, keeping both them and their belongings on board as it soared upwards.

Finally, they emerged blinking into the daylight and saw beneath them the oceans below, sparkling in the midday sun like so many gems. Then they were racing over the seas, and before long they came within sight of the island.

'There it is!' said Chi Chi 'We made it Kakarot!'

'Yes, and we only faced near certain death about five thousand times.' noted Kakarot ruefully. 'You drive recklessly.'

'You worry too much,' said Chi Chi 'Nimbus wouldn't let us fall.'

'I find falling preferable to crashing headlong into a rock wall.' noted Kakarot.

'Your so funny Kakarot.' Chi Chi giggled.

'I'm glad you seem to think so.' said Kakarot between gritted teeth as they landed. He took his things and leaped off the Nimbus. 'Thank you for your assistance. Now if you will excuse me, I need to meet the master.' He stepped up to the front door and called out. 'Master Roshi, I have returned for the training that was promised me!'

There was no response.

'…Wonderful,' said Kakarot 'he's not home.'

Then he heard voices, a female voice speaking. 'That's right girls, lift those legs. One, two, one, two, one, two, raise them up high, one, two, one, two.'

Kakarot gazed through the window and saw Master Roshi watching a television set with several scantily clad women. Chi Chi came up behind him. 'How scandalous!'

'Is there no end to the black magic on this world?' asked Kakarot 'Roshi has forced those woman into that box where they are trapped and forced to do his bidding for his own carnal desires!'

'Actually, I think that's just a television set, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi.

'Isn't that fun…' said Roshi 'ah, aerobics, a gift from the heavens.'

Kakarot leaped through the window into the house. 'Master Roshi, if your done tormenting the souls of innocent girls I need you to train me.'

'Keep on trucking!' cheered Roshi, oblivious. 'One, two, one, two, one two…'

'Dirty old man,' said Chi Chi as she came up behind him.

'No,' said Kakarot 'he's not the one in control here. Clearly, this television is ensnaring him using the black magic of a witch of Bulma's order! He is trapped by the spells of evil! I must free him!' And he moved to the side of the television. 'Kaaa….'

'Kakarot,' said Chi Chi quickly. 'it's not black magic, it's television! Television!'

'meee…'

'Yes…' slurred Roshi 'one for you and…'

'haaa…'

'There is nothing magical about TV!' said Chi Chi 'He's just watching an aerobics-'

 **'** **HAAAAAAAA!'**

There was a brilliant explosion of white light, and the television was consumed in flame, melted, before finally exploding. Master Roshi remained silent for a long, long, time. He looked to Kakarot. 'Oh, Kakarot,' he said in despair. 'It's you.'

'I came here for training.' said Kakarot 'However I found you under the spell of an evil witch. But don't worry, I saved you.'

'…By blowing up my television set?'

'It had been turned against you.' said Kakarot 'Its destruction was just and necessary.'

'Was it now?' asked Roshi, standing up and dusting himself off.

'Mmmhmm,' said Kakarot 'oh I almost forgot. We've traveled many miles, and I was wondering if you had anything to eat.'

'The refrigerator is in the kitchen kid.' said Roshi 'I… I'm just going to stand here and lament the destruction of my aerobics tapes.'

'Very well,' said Kakarot 'come Chi Chi.'

The two of them made their way into the kitchen and there beheld the refrigerator. Kakarot approached it. 'So this is a refrigerator. I have heard tales of magical devices which keep food cool far longer than is natural. Yet I never before beheld one.' He opened it. He glanced back to Chi Chi. 'Do you want anything from it?'

'Uh… I think I'm good.' said Chi Chi ruefully. 'I don't want to gain weight.'

'Fair enough,' said Kakarot before taking out a slice of meat and contenting himself with it. He considered eating more but reflected that it would be disrespectful to clean out the fridge of his Master.

Speaking of his Master, he could hear him sobbing in the other room. 'Hmm, I wonder if he had some kind of pre existing relationship with the Witch.'

'You might say that.' reflected Chi Chi.

Eventually, Roshi emerged from his despair and appeared before him. '…I'm surprised you didn't ransack the fridge. How about it Kakarot?'

'Nonsense, that would be disrespectful?'

'Are you sure?' asked Roshi 'Maybe you might want to burn down my house while you're at it?'

'No, not today.' said Kakarot.

'Why are you here then?' asked Roshi 'I thought I saw you both off after I put out the fire on Fire Mountain.'

'Well you did promise to teach me martial arts.' said Kakarot 'And I did just save you from that Witch.'

'Oh yes, lessons.' said Roshi 'How pleasant.'

'I am also able to make a full-time commitment.' said Kakarot, leading him out to the front door. 'See, I brought my things.'

'Did you at least bring that girl?' asked Roshi.

'You mean Bulma?' asked Kakarot, an edge coming into his tone. 'No, she ran off with Yamcha and Puar. I did bring Chi Chi, though.' He glanced at her. 'So… why are you still here again?'

'Um…' Chi Chi paused. 'Master Roshi sir, I was just dropping Kakarot off. But now that I'm here, I think I might want to learn under you as well.'

'…I'm already going to teach Kakarot,' said Roshi morosely. 'I think one student would be more than enough.'

'Oh but Master Roshi, I'm willing to follow your orders without question.' said Chi Chi, eyes becoming big and watery. 'It's just my papa has told me so many great tales about you, and how you helped him become so much stronger. I'd really like to learn.'

'Well…' said Roshi 'I don't know…'

'Please?' asked Chi Chi, clasping her hands as if in prayer.

'Fine, fine,' said Roshi 'let's bring this thing through to its logical conclusion shall we?'

'I wonder what happened to Bulma and the others.' said Kakarot 'They're probably having the time of their lives in the city right now.'

* * *

Meanwhile Bulma made her way onwards, using a walking stick to keep herself moving forward through the barren heat. She and the others had a long road ahead of them, leading across a vast desert. Walking on sand was hard on the thighs. 'Why is this taking so long?!' she whined.

'Are we even sure we're heading the right way?' asked Yamcha in a tired tone.

'Of course,' said Bulma 'the city is due north.'

'Puar, compass.' said Yamcha.

'Right,' said Puar, before transforming and landing in Yamcha's hand.

'…South,' said Yamcha in despair. 'we've been going south!'

'Please tell me you're joking,' said Bulma 'I swear we started north…'

Then they saw a dust cloud heading towards them. 'Whats that?' asked Puar.

'It must be a sandstorm.' reflected Yamcha.

* * *

Elsewhere in the desert, a figure clad in yellow raced across the sands, leaving behind a trail of dust. A determined gait consumed him as he raced onwards. 'He's going to make me so strong.'

Finding a boat, he shoved it offshore and began to paddle his way out to sea single-handed.

* * *

As Roshi poured himself a drink of a stiffer variety, he sighed. 'I'll warn both of you now, studying martial arts is no picnic.'

'I'm aware,' said Kakarot 'I know I'm going to have to work hard to exceed my Master Gohan, but I must for the sake of my mission.'

'And my papa taught me some already.' said Chi Chi. 'I'm ready Master Roshi.'

'However, my lessons do not come free.' said Roshi. 'You must find me a young gal, in recompense for destroying my television. It's the only way I can start training you.'

'…You've got to be kidding me.'

'Master Roshi,' said Chi Chi 'doesn't this seem a bit petty.'

'I need a gal!' snapped Roshi 'A fun girl I can go on a date with!'

'Fine, I might have known there would be a catch.' said Kakarot 'So does it have to be consensual, or can I just force-' Chi Chi hit him. 'The HFIL! Why did you hit me?'

'Those are not proper thoughts for anyone Kakarot.' she chided him.

There was a long silence as their gaze turned to Roshi. 'Just so we're clear here,' said Kakarot 'if we find this girl you want, you'll train us. No more conditions, no last minutes.'

'Oh yeah,' said Roshi, giving a peace sign.

'I agree, but one condition.' said Chi Chi 'You cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to do.'

'Of course, what do you take me for?!' cried Roshi.

'You really don't want to hear the answer to that.' said Kakarot in amusement.

'Just go you, disrespectful little runt!'

Kakarot and Chi Chi made their way out of the house or rather were chased out by Roshi. As they leaped upon the Nimbus Cloud, however, Roshi came out after them. 'Hold on there a moment, Kakarot.' said Roshi 'Are you sure you know what to look for? A stallion like me has very particular taste.'

'Yes.' said Kakarot.

'I like someone with nice skin.' said Roshi 'Not too young and not too old.'

'I get it.' said Kakarot.

'…Did you know your tail's gone?' asked Roshi suddenly.

'Quite,' said Kakarot between gritted teeth. 'shall we Chi Chi?'

'Right,' said Chi Chi let's go Nimbus!'

'Someone is coming.' said Kakarot simply.

'Is it that damn Turtle back from vacation?' asked Roshi 'I should have known he'd spoil my fun!'

'No,' said Chi Chi 'they look like they're in a boat.'

Kakarot leaped off the Nimbus and looked out to see where a lone figure was paddling his way across the ocean towards them. He wore a yellow tunic and orange pants and had a head that was totally bald. His arms were stocky and he bore an expression of incredible concentration. He halted his boat a little ways from shore and seemed to be focusing.

Then in a great leap, he crossed the distance between the shore and his boat, spinning in midair before landing head first in the dirt. Soon he was sticking out of the dirt, his legs kicking.

'Who's the goof?' asked Roshi. 'You'd better help him, kid.'

'Do I have to?' asked Kakarot. 'Couldn't I just watch him suffocate?'

'Just do it.'

Kakarot moved forward and grabbed one leg, while Chi Chi grabbed the other and they hauled him out. He gave them a glance and dusted himself off. 'Thanks.' Then he turned to Roshi. 'Ah, you are the great Master Roshi are you not?'

'People tell me that,' said Roshi 'finally some respect.'

'Master Roshi,' said the boy 'my name is Krillin, and I've come all the way from a village in the east. Please train me so that I may fight like you.'

Roshi looked impressed. 'Well, that's a long way to come. But unfortunately, I do not train every boy who shows up at my door. Sorry.'

'Just the ones who free you from your evil television set.' noted Kakarot.

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Roshi.

Krillin's eyes glinted evilly and produced a book. 'Maybe some quiet reading will change your mind.'

'Oh! Give me! Give me!' said Roshi, snatching up the book and looking through it.

'I brought it just for you.' said Krillin, before giving Kakarot and Chi Chi disdainful glances. 'So who are you? His pupil?'

'Something to that effect yes.' said Kakarot. 'You want to make something of it?'

'My name is Chi Chi.' said Chi Chi, shaking his hand. 'Wow, you've come all the way from the east?'

'Well yeah,' said Krillin 'really far.' He turned to Kakarot. 'It doesn't look like you like fighting.'

'I enjoy watching the light leave my enemies eyes after I rip their still beating hearts from their chest cavities with my hand.' said Kakarot with a friendly smile, making a fist for emphasis. 'Would you like to find out what its like to be one of those enemies?'

'You talk a big game,' said Krillin, eyes narrowed. 'but anyone who is serious about martial arts shaves their head.'

'I know a guy with long hair who could crush you in seconds.' replied Kakarot.

'Well… look at Master Roshi!' snapped Krillin 'He shaves!'

'Nope, I'm naturally bald.' said Roshi, glancing up from his book.

'Also I wouldn't consider him a role model.' said Chi Chi ruefully. 'I mean he's a great martial arts master and all but… uh… papa kind of left out some bits.'

At that moment Master Roshi shut the book and arose in stern splendor as he turned to face them. 'Krillen, I've decided to take you in on my apprentice. But only if you go with Kakarot and Chi Chi and find me a girl. I trust you know the ones I like?'

'Oh, of course, Master Roshi,' said Krillen, before stepping forward to whisper various suggestions into his ear.

'Yes! That's it!' said Roshi 'Write that part down!'

'I know my master's tastes.' said Krillen proudly.

'Then what are we waiting for!' cried Roshi 'Hop on that Nimbus Cloud and find me a date!'

'Nimbus Cloud?' asked Krillen.

Chi Chi hovered up behind him and waved. 'Yeah, that's his name.'

'You named a cloud?' asked Krillen.

'We should probably get going.' said Chi Chi.

'Yeah, I'd think I'd better sit this one out.' said Kakarot.

'What do you mean?' asked Chi Chi.

'Well you only have space on the Nimbus Cloud for three people.' said Kakarot 'And one of those spots is going to have to go to whomever you get for Roshi to date. So not all of us can go. Krillen is the expert on Roshi's tastes, and nobody will be able to ride the Nimbus Cloud.

So yeah, I can't come.'

'…That actually is a good point,' said Roshi after a moment. 'very well, in light of spacial difficulties, you are excused Kakarot.'

'Unbelievable,' said Krillen 'And what do you plan to do while we're doing all the work?'

'Simple enough,' said Kakarot 'firing kamehameha waves at the ocean over and over again. One of these days I want to defeat a movie theater.'

'Fine,' snapped Krillen 'we don't need you anyway.' Then leaping into the air, he descended upon the Nimbus Cloud and passed right through it to crash into the ground face first. Kakarot laughed at him only a little as he rose up. 'Hey, whats the deal with this cloud.'

'Only those with a pure heart can ride the Nimbus Cloud.' said Roshi. 'And that means you've been hiding something from us.'

'Don't hurt me,' said Krillen 'I just have some magazines which I'm not supposed to read.'

'I wouldn't worry too much silly,' said Chi Chi 'Kakarot couldn't ride it either.'

'You mean you have more?' asked Roshi incredulously.

'I'm sorry Master Roshi!' apologized Krillen, bringing out a knapsack. 'I didn't show you because the first one seemed to do the trick!' He opened it to reveal many books with pictures of naked women. 'Here have them!'

Roshi laughed as he began to looked through them.

'Here take them all!' cried Krillen 'I don't want them anymore.'

Thus it was that Master Roshi took three students on that day. Yet what would become of them? Would they be friends or foes?

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

I can't help but feel like this chapter is of noticeably lower quality than the others. It's rather difficult fitting Chi Chi into the scene, and I keep feeling like the casts are out of character. I ask that you bear with me until we can get into the meat of the story.

By the way, I've switched out Puar's place on the characters list for Chi Chi. I feel that Puar is likely to decrease in significance as things go by, like in canon, while Chi Chi is going to be pretty big.

I'm updating twice in one day because I think I didn't get very many views for the last chapter, and I'm ahead of schedule. Also, I just want to get this section of the plot over with as quick as humanly possible. Enjoy.


	15. Look out for Launch

**Chapter 15: Look out for Launch**

Previously on Dragonball, Chi Chi and her new associate Krillin set out with a new mission. Find a girl for Master Roshi to date. And until the young students completed this task, Master Roshi would not teach them Martial arts. Even now they soared over populated farmlands, looking below.

'Where do you suppose we should look, Krillin?' asked Chi Chi, who was not at all enthusiastic about the mission.

'How about somewhere less high in the air?' suggested Krillen.

Chi Chi shrugged and directed the Nimbus Cloud to fly lower at a breakneck pace, causing Krillen to shudder in fright. The wind whipping through her hair was a pleasant sensation for her and distracted her from how annoyed she was at this mission.

'Slow down!' said the bald boy. 'You know if I lose my grip on you I'll fall through this cloud.'

'Well if you were less like Master Roshi you wouldn't have a problem.' said Chi Chi in a chiding tone.

'And what is that supposed to mean?' asked Krillen. 'You know for someone who wants to train under the great Master Roshi, you don't seem to have much respect for him.'

'I just don't want to be separated from my love, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi.

'You've got to be kidding,' said Krillen 'that psycho?'

'He is a little rough around the edges,' said Chi Chi 'but deep down inside he's a really nice person.'

'He threatened to rip my heart out the first time we met.' said Krillen in deadpan.

'He's very rough around the edges.' affirmed Chi Chi in a dreamy tone.

* * *

It was an old west style saloon, with many cowboys relaxing and drinking on carved wooden tables and stools. The heads of various animals lined the walls, and axes were crossed on them. Wanted posters were also there, and many were crossed out. Many save on in particular, which showed a curly blonde haired woman with a red bow in her hair. Her picture was scowling at the camera, and she was the most wanted person of anyone with a poster. Her reward was over 2,000,000 thousand zeni.

A lone bounty hunter sighted his pistol at the picture, looking for a challenge. Then he looked to his associate. 'You sure Launch will come here?'

A chair was thrown down. 'You just leave those plans to me, tall man. I know she's a coming.'

At the mention of Launch, two men playing cards began to quiver.

'Think we'll be all right?' asked one of the bounty hunters. 'Heard she didn't leave a blade of grass standing last time.'

'Tubs you idiot.' said the tall one. 'The day I get bested by a lone woman is the day I sell my horse and go home.'

Suddenly the doors burst open, and he whirled around, gun in hand.

There in the doorway stood a blue haired woman wearing a yellow tank top that bared her midriff and orange shorts. She had a red bow and looked quite innocent. In her hand was a bag. 'Gosh,' she said in an innocent tone. 'it's so dusty today and I just washed my hair.'

'It ain't her.' said the bounty hunter, before turning back to the bar.

'Whew,' said the woman as she came to the counter. 'What a mess! I don't know where I am.'

'Barman,' said the bounty hunter. 'I'll pay for whatever drink the lady wants.'

'Huh?' said the women.

'Don't ask me why, ma'am.' said the bounty hunter. 'But something about you reminds me of a girl I once loved.'

'Listen, partner,' said his teammate. 'we're on the lookout. We ain't got no time to be flirting with harmless ladies.'

The bounty hunter replied by pouring a drink all over his face. He then gripped his associate by the collar and dragged him up. 'Mind yer own business.' Then he glanced back to the women. 'Sorry about that, now what can I get ya?'

'There are so many things I like.' said the women. 'How about a fresh glass of orange juice over ice.'

'Coming up,' said the barman. An errant wind blew through the desert outside as the barman set down the glass complete with a straw and lemon. 'There you go sweetheart.'

At that moment a gust of wind blew a wave of dust into the bar. It rushed past her nose, and the women breathed in, before sneezing loudly. The bounty hunters glanced up in shock, double checking to make sure their eyes weren't deceiving them. Where before the blue haired woman had stood, now stood Launch, in the same outfit.

Within seconds she kicked the first bounty hunter up against a wall, smashed another into a table, and slammed the third one through a wall. The barman drew out a shotgun, but Launch raised a machine gun and opened fire full barrage. Whisky glasses shattered as the barman ducked for cover in terror.

'Anyone else want to call me their sweetheart?!' snapped Launch.

The bounty hunters twitched where they were lying, beaten and unconscious. Launch turned and walked out, touting her machine gun in one hand as she surveyed her surroundings. Mounting her hover cycle she rode to the top of a great plateau overlooking the train tracks and waited for the train.

She heard it coming before she saw it, and wiped away a bead of sweat from the noonday sun. 'It's show time.' Driving her hover cycle off the plateau she landed, and dismounted, drawing out a rocket launcher and waiting on the tracks. Setting her sight, she waited for it to draw nearer and nearer, keeping her cool the whole time.

Then she launched a rocket which shot forth and blasted the train's front. The massive vehicle slowed, and careened off the tracks, landing with a crash as Launch stood in its path. Watching it burn for a moment.

Then she entered the train itself and snatched a small satchel. 'I'll be taking this!'

Leaping onto her hover cycle she rode away quickly. Another successful heist!

* * *

Meanwhile, Krillen and Chi Chi flew onwards on the Nimbus, scanning the desert for any sign of a quarry. 'I don't really think we're going to find a girl wandering around the desert, Chi Chi.' said Krillen.

'Really?' asked Chi Chi 'Because Kakarot found me wandering around in the wilderness. I'll never forget the day we met.' Her expression hardened. 'It was also the day I met Yamcha.' She paused, gripping a fist tightly at the memory.

* * *

Meanwhile, Launch was having the time of her life. Heavily pursued by the cops, she rode at top speed across the wastes, her blonde hair flowing around her as she felt the wind on her face. The sound of sirens and engines filled the air. It was moments like this that she lived for, really.

'Pull over Launch, or we're going to shoot!' shouted the police officer.

Launch gunned the engine and went faster, and moments later machine gun fire opened up behind her. She swerved this way and that, avoiding the shots as she rushed onwards. The coppers couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

Drawing out a hand grenade, she pulled out the pin with her mouth and tossed it back, where it exploded against the windshield of one car, consuming it in flames. The gunfire continued, but Launch swerved up and rode her hover bike up the side of the wall, while the police were forced to follow along the path.

The police were soon on her tail again, still firing in vain. 'These bores have pitiful aim,' said Launch, drawing out a shotgun. 'guess I'll show em how it's done!'

It was at this moment that she began to feel a tingling in her nose. She sniffed several times. 'Oh no, not now! Achoo!'

And then she crashed.

* * *

'Help me!' came a cry from below.

Chi Chi looked up. 'Did you hear that Krillen?'

'Then let's keep going,' said Krillen 'cries for help only means something dangerous is about to happen.'

'My papa had a word for people with that kind of attitude.' said Chi Chi 'Their called cowards. Let's see if we can find them.'

* * *

Launch was kneeling on the ground, while two police pulled over and advanced, terrified, their guns in their hands. 'Stay where you are launch,' said one in terror. 'your crime spree is finally over!'

'Move and we'll shoot!' said the other.

'I… I… I don't understand!' cried Launch 'Who are you?!'

'Enough with the games Launch!' said the police. 'We're police officers and we- I mean you, are under arrest.'

'Oh that's awful!' cried Launch 'What have I done?!'

'Uh…' the policemen stopped. 'well, just about every crime that we punish in these parts. And I assure you it's enough to put you away for a long time.' He drew out some handcuffs.

Launch stared in horror, she didn't want to go to jail. Just think what might happen to the poor inmates. 'SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE!'

Chi Chi and Krillen heard the scream as they soared around a corner. 'I'm sure it was just a bird or something…' said Krillen.

'Kakarot would never turn aside a cry for help.' said Chi Chi.

'Did we meet the same person?' asked Krillen.

'There!' said Chi Chi 'Those thugs dressed in police officers uniforms are menacing that innocent women! We have to help her!'

'That would be the heroic thing to do.' admitted Krillen 'Except we haven't even had our first lesson, and they have guns and handcuffs and I'd say our odds are pretty lousy.'

'Onwards!' cried Chi Chi in a resolved tone as she soared down towards them.

Leaping out of the Nimbus, she landed on her feet, while Krillen landed some ways away with a crash. He swiftly scampered behind a rock and addressed the audience. 'I'd like to point out that this is all her idea, and I am not involved. I fully respect you guys.'

'Leave her alone!' shouted Chi Chi 'Or you will have to contend with the Ox Kings daughter.'

The Police raised their guns. At this point Chi Chi realized where she was and panicked, Squealing, she unleashed her blade, which spun through the air and hacked their guns in two. She then unleashed a beam which blew the ground out from underneath their feet, before hurling her blade again, and nearly beheading them. The cops fled in terror, rushing into their vehicle and driving away.

Chi Chi opened her eyes. '…Did I win?'

'Oh thank you so much!' said the woman. 'I get so scared when I look at guns.'

'Don't worry Ms,' said Krillen as he approached. 'it was no problem for us pros.'

'That's probably because you didn't do anything.' stated Chi Chi in a tone that turned Krillen's blood to ice, while causing him to cower in fear. 'Now, do you think Master Roshi will be satisfied with this girl?'

Krillen recovered from his fright a bit and then nodded. 'Mmmhmm.'

So it was that they successfully tricked- er, talked Launch into going on a date with Master Roshi. It wasn't hard, for she seemed to have no sense of malice or spite. Or sense at all really, if her being out here in the middle of the wilderness was any indication.

Krillen glanced back to her. 'We really appreciate you coming home with us.'

'And where is home?' asked Launch.

'We're staying with the Turtle Hermit, Master Roshi.' said Chi Chi.

'Turtle Hermit?' asked Launch.

'Yes,' said Chi Chi 'he lives on an island in the middle of the ocean. He's something of a lech, but he is famous for a reason.'

'How nice.' said Launch.

They flew for some time more, before at last, they saw the island up ahead. 'There it is,'

'-HAAAAAAAA!' came a roar.

All of a sudden a beam of blue energy shot towards them across the ocean. Chi Chi narrowly moved Nimbus aside in time for the beam to pass by them instead of through them, kicking up waves in the process which splashed them badly. 'And that's my darling Kakarot,' said Chi Chi in a love struck tone. 'Isn't he wonderful?'

'He could have killed us with that blast.' said Krillen as they came in for landing.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'but I didn't.' Then he saw Launch, and his eyes narrowed. 'I remember you, you shot me with a machine gun.'

'What?' said Krillen 'Listen, buddy, you must have mistaken her for someone else.'

'I remember you,' said Launch, eyes narrowing. 'you stole my car and left me to walk out of the desert alone.'

Chi Chi in the meantime approached the door and knocked. 'Master Roshi, we have accomplished the task we set out to do.' There was silence. Chi Chi sighed. 'I guess we'll just wait then.'

'You still haven't told me why I'm here.' said Launch after a moment.

'Oh, well,' said Krillen 'I'm not really sure myself. Master Roshi is a really lonely guy. So we just need you to play along, and feed his ego.'

'Does that mean I can use this place to hide out, while I'm running away?' asked Launch in an enthusiastic tone.

'Running away?' asked Krillen.

'This might be a good time to mention that when I met her,' said Kakarot 'she was driving a car filled to the brim with money, and heavily armed.'

'Will you stop lying, Kakarot!' snapped Krillen. 'You haven't been any help all day! When you say running away, you mean those guys who were attacking you and pretending to be police officers. So who were they… really?' His voice was somewhat unsteady.

'They were real policemen.' said Launch with a demure smile.

The silence which ensued could have been cut with a knife.

'…And why exactly were the police after you?' asked Krillen.

Launch took up her bag and opened it. 'I'm not exactly sure, but judging from the amount of money in my bag I probably held up a bank or two.'

The door opened and Master Roshi emerged, now dressed in a very fine outfit indeed. 'I sure hope you brought me a nice one this time.'

'Well… uh…' began Chi Chi, who had been watching. 'She certainly seems nice.'

'Something about a train…' said Launch.

'Oh right,' laughed Krillen 'you're a train robber. You expect me to believe that? You're so silly Launch. Robbing trains and stuff is a job for big strong guys, and you are a pretty girl.'

'That's sexist!' snapped Chi Chi 'Just because most train robbers are men doesn't mean women can't rob trains as well!'

'You might want to watch what you say, Krillen.' said Launch 'When I sneeze, I change. And terrible things can happen.'

'Y-you mean like a runny nose right?'

'Hi!' said Roshi as he stepped forward. 'I think I'm in love!'

'Oh my goodness you frightened me!' said Launch.

'Hey Master Roshi,' said Krillen, rushing up to him. 'what do you think of her? She's been making up some silly stories about robbing trains, but other than that she totally fits the bill.'

'Mmmhmm.'

'I can't believe those jerks!' huffed Chi Chi as she came up behind Kakarot.

'Patience, my dear.' said Kakarot with a smile. 'Their overweening sexism shall be their undoing.'

'What do you mean?' asked Chi Chi.

'Just… wait…' said Kakarot.

'I'm making you all my students from this day forward!' called Master Roshi to them.

'Also, good job finding Master Roshi a girl.' said Kakarot 'Now let's just wait for the fireworks.'

'What fireworks?'

'Hey,' said Roshi to Launch 'I'm master Roshi and this is my pad!'

'Nice to meet you sir.' said Launch 'My name is Launch. Your granddaughter saved me from a whole lot of trouble today.'

'Oh is that really true, my students?' asked Roshi.

'Yes,' said Launch 'I can't thank them enough.'

'Wait for it.' said Kakarot.

'All in a days work.' said Krillen proudly.

'I'm glad you're safe,' said Roshi 'but to be honest their not my grandchildren.'

'Wait for it.' said Kakarot, looking a bit impatient.

'Oh?' said Launch.

'They're my younger siblings.'

Everyone fell over from the absurdity of that statement.

'It was worth a try I guess,' said Roshi, as Launch started laughing. 'Funny joke wasn't it?'

'Oh yes,' agreed Launch.

'Actually,' said Roshi 'I'm the turtle hermit. The worlds greatest expert in Martial arts. And these boys have come to train under me.'

'Almost there…' said Kakarot.

'Martial arts, huh?' asked Launch 'That explains why Chi Chi is so strong.'

'Yes,' said Roshi 'I'm happy to hear my lessons made a difference.'

'But you haven't taught us anything yet.' said Chi Chi.

'Almost there…' said Kakarot.

'So, seeing as your my special guest,' said Roshi 'how would you like to take a romantic walk with me around my island paradise.'

Launch looked around. 'Well… it doesn't look like a very long walk. Um… but yeah, that sounds pleasant to me.'

'Oh yeah!' said Roshi 'And while you're here, you might as well study martial arts with us too!'

'I can't help but detect a note of favoritism here.' said Chi Chi.

'Stay on target.'

'I don't know,' said Launch 'I have soft hands. I'm not really interested in fighting.'

'I don't think anythings going to happen Kakarot,' said Chi Chi.

'KAMEHAMEHA!' roared Kakarot before firing a beam of energy across the beach, kicking up countless waves of sand, that washed over them. Launch sneezed.

And that was how moments later Kakarot and Chi Chi watched as Launch's hair turned blonde and she drew out a heavy machine gun and started firing it at Master Roshi and Krillin with a slasher smile. 'You want a walk do you ya?' snarled Launch 'How about a dance instead!'

Roshi and Krillin moved their feet as the bullets were shot at the ground around him, as Launch laughed maniacally, spraying them with bullets. Then Launch sneezed again, and was her blue haired self again. Her gun was smoking and she rubbed the back of her head. 'Oh dear me, sorry.'

Kakarot put his arm around Chi Chi, who blushed at the feeling of how close he was. 'It's the simple things in life you treasure.' he said.

'You see!' said Launch with a laugh. 'My other half comes out when I sneeze and she doesn't like pig headed boys!' She paused. 'Did she do anything bad to you?'

'N-not too bad…' said Roshi, glasses cracked.

With the mysterious Launch moving in, the likes of Roshi and Krillen would have to learn to control themselves. At least if they wanted to hold on to their skin.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Dear god, I am sick of filler. I know that this episode is important because it brings in Launch, and I'll admit it's better than the last one. But what I want is for the story to get to the actual training. These last two chapters were profoundly awkward for me to write, because they are both incredibly sexist, featuring two extremely sexist characters prominently. I grew up in a house with two sisters, and I despise sexist trends in Anime.

Consequently, I did not really enjoy writing these two chapters, and it was incredibly awkward fitting Chi Chi into the role of the canon Goku. I took a great deal of satisfaction from the scene where Launch machine guns Roshi. He had it coming.


	16. Find that Stone

**Chapter 16: Find that Stone**

In our last episode, a mysterious girl called Launch joined them on Master Roshi's island, and now the group was packing up for a new adventure. Kakarot marveled as Kame house was in seconds and a poof of smoke transformed into a little pink capsule on the sea shore. Roshi picked it up, and pocketed it.

'How are we going to get there anyway?' asked Kakarot 'We'll never all fit on the Nimbus Cloud.' They needed more space to train, and so they were moving to a larger island.

'This will cut it.' said Roshi, before tossing another capsule into the water. There was poof of smoke as water was thrown into the air. When the smoke settled, a motorboat stood before them floating on the water. Roshi chuckled in satisfaction. 'Master Roshi's rule no 1. Travel in style!'

They all got aboard and soon zoomed off, leaving a trail of waves behind them as they shot across the ocean. As he drove, Roshi turned to Launch who was riding shotgun. 'Can you do me a favor Launch?'

'Yes?' asked Launch.

'Try not to… sneeze, okay.' said Roshi somewhat fearfully.

'Yes,' she said 'I'll try.'

The other three were seated behind them, Krillen on the left, Chi Chi in the middle, and Kakarot on the right, leaning out and gazing upon the ocean as it shot past them. He was feeling oddly contemplative. '…I love the sea.' said Kakarot suddenly in a realization. 'Something about it makes me feel at peace.'

'Oh Kakarot, it truly is romantic.' said Chi Chi, clasping her hands.

'I think I'm going to be sick.' said Krillin, sticking out his tongue.

'Well then perhaps I should throw you overboard so we don't catch a disease from your worthless carcass.' said Kakarot in deadpan.

'I'd like to see you try, spiky head.' said Krillin, glaring at him.

'Calm down both of you.' said Roshi 'No one is fighting anyone on this boat. You might wreck the paint job.'

After a few more hours they arrived on a much larger island with a smoking vulcano over it. Many palm trees dotted the landscape, and cliffs and shrubs. It looked like a truly nice place to train.

Roshi landed and set out Kame House's capsule, before turning to them. 'Anyone up for a short martial arts lesson before dinner?'

'Yes master.' said Krillin obediently.

'Of course.' said Chi Chi 'Give the word.'

'Where is Kakarot?' asked Roshi suddenly.

'Oh I know,' said Launch 'he said he wanted to have a look around the island and ran off.'

At that moment Kakarot returned, having scaled the vulcano, swum through the surrounding seas and wandered the landscapes. 'Master Roshi, we're not alone. Someone beat us to the island.'

'About three hundred someones to be exact.' said Roshi 'But don't worry, they just live here. They're not competition. Now let's have a lesson.'

'Finally!' said Kakarot 'I was afraid I would grow old and die before we got down to business. And I have eternal youth.'

'Eternal what now?' asked Krillin.

'Long story, I'll tell you later.' said Kakarot.

The three of them then assembled before Roshi in a line, waiting for instructions.

'Can I train too?' asked Launch, who tagged along.

'Sure,' said Roshi 'as long as we can hide the machine gun.'

'Well I guess I'll train if you guys are.' said Launch, before sniffling.

At that moment Krillin and Roshi rushed for cover behind a rock, while Chi Chi looking. Kakarot, however, simply stood where he was, looking straight at her as though daring her to try it. Launch then yawned.

'Actually fighting puts me to sleep,' said Launch 'I'll go make some food.'

'…You're kidding me,' said Kakarot 'without any training she terrifying the strongest man alive, and she's squandering her potential cooking us meals?'

'Well it is her choice.' reflected Chi Chi.

'I guess she was just yawning,' said Krillen as he emerged. 'That was scary.'

'Krillen,' said Roshi 'how dare you be scared. A martial arts expert must never be afraid.'

'Sorry,' said Krillen with a bow. 'I'll try to be more like you.'

'Well that's not going to help your case any,' noted Kakarot 'he was ducking for cover with the rest of you. It's only a little gunfire, nothing lethal. Hell, one of my best friends shot me in the face in our first meeting.' There was a long, awkward silence in which everyone stared at Kakarot for reasons he didn't understand.

'…Are you serious?' asked Krillin in shock.

'Just so you know, I was not scared.' said Roshi 'Oh no, I was demonstrated evasive tactics. Now let's continue with our fearless training! Krillen, Chi Chi, do you have any fighting experience?'

'Yes,' said Krillin 'I studied for eight years at the Magic Orin Temple.'

'And I was trained by my papa.' said Chi Chi.

'Very good,' said Roshi 'I suppose I can skip the lesson on what a punch and a kick are. Now before I teach you, students, anything new, I'll need to test your current ability.' He made a line in the ground. 'We'll start from over here, and end over at that tree. That's about a hundred meters right? Where is my stopwatch?'

'You want us to run a race?' asked Krillen.

'Running is a good test of speed and strength,' said Roshi 'though of course if you're an expert fighter you shouldn't have to be the one who has to run away.'

'…No yeah, he's right.' said Kakarot.

Krillen chuckled evilly. 'I'll run first Master Roshi.'

'Oh, confident are you?' asked Roshi in amusement.

'Well you'll both see why.' said Krillin 'I could probably make the olympics if I wanted to.'

Roshi made his way over to the tree and took a position as a cloud passed over the sun. 'On your mark!' The old master called. Krillen took a runners stance, while Chi Chi and Kakarot sat to one side. 'Get set! Hit it!'

Krillen broke into a run, sprinting at a vast pace towards the tree with all his heart and might. Then he reached it. Roshi looked at his watch. 'My, my, you ran it in ten point four seconds, well that's… pretty darn good.'

Krillen was panting in satisfaction. 'Yeah, yeah, it's an okay run. I usually make it around ten point one. I don't know what happened, but I guess the wind was against me.' He laughed.

'Is it my turn yet?' called Kakarot.

Roshi glanced up. 'Well, let's not get antsy. Now on your mark!'

Krillen chuckled confident in the knowledge that there was no way anyone could beat his run now. 'What an amateur.'

'Get set! Go!'

Kakarot broke into a sprint and surged across the intervening space with a furious speed. Krillen watched in shock. 'Maybe he's a bit faster than I thought.'

Roshi looked at his stopwatch. 'Let's see now, that's eleven seconds even. That's a good pace, but Krillen, I'd say you still beat him hands down.'

'Oh it's really not fair to compare him to me.' said Krillen 'I set the bar pretty high you know.'

'Well for rookies you sure have a lot of potential.' said Roshi.

Kakarot considered asking for better running shoes and trying again but decided this would be the action of a sore loser and held his tongue.

'Now Chi Chi, you try.' said Roshi 'On your mark, get set… GO!'

Chi Chi raced to the tree at a breakneck pace. Kakarot's hair flowed around him as Chi Chi sped past them, almost before they could even track her movements. She halted there, and Roshi stared at the result. '…Wow, seven second flat.'

'How did you do that?!' asked Kakarot in awe.

'Well… I kind of spent a month or two having to outrun carnivorous dinosaurs while I was looking for Master Roshi's house.' said Chi Chi. 'I had to learn to run quick.'

Krillin stared in awe.

'Well,' said Roshi 'it's clear that for people your age, your at the top of your class. But that's still not good enough! To be truly great fighters, you have to learn to go beyond the limits of normal people.' And he pulled off his shell. 'And that's no cakewalk.' He gave Krillen the stopwatch. 'I'll let you be the timekeeper.'

'Whose time am I keeping?' asked Krillen.

'Mine of course.' said Roshi as he stretched out. 'I just hope I'm still in shape.'

The three of them ran to one side and watched him prepare. Then Roshi rose up, resolve in his expression. 'Okay Master Roshi,' said Chi Chi 'are you ready?'

'That's a good question.' murmured Roshi to himself. Drawing up his turtle shell, he hurled it spinning through the air to shatter a rock. 'Okay, I'm ready.'

'Okay then,' said Krillen 'then on your mark, get set, go-'

There was a blur of orange and yellow and Roshi was standing beyond the finish line. Kakarot stared in awe. 'That's amazing!'

'Yay Master Roshi!' cheered Chi Chi.

'Whats my time?' asked Roshi.

'…Five sixths of a second.' said Krillen.

'Five and six, huh?' said Roshi 'Not too bad.' He put his turtle shell back on.

'Can you teach us to do that?' asked Kakarot.

'What, throw a purple turtle shell?' asked Roshi. '…Oh right, the running. Of course, it's just a matter of surpassing normal human limitations.' He licked his lips. 'All this running has made me thirsty. Kakarot, grab me a bruske!'

'…Okay,' said Kakarot 'and that is?'

'Don't worry master,' said Krillen 'I got you!' And he raced off.

Roshi sighed. 'Kakarot, I have many things to teach you besides fighting.'

'Well feel free to try, I guess.' said Kakarot.

* * *

Meanwhile, Krillin raced towards Kame House, feeling more enthusiastic than ever. 'Master Roshi isn't just a dirty old man after all! He's really strong!' He entered Kame House. 'Launch, where is the refrigerator?'

'Careful,' said Launch 'you're kicking up dust.'

'What?' said Krillen in sudden fear.

'Ah, ah, ah, achoo!'

* * *

'That's no yawn.' said Roshi from outside.

At that moment Krillen raced out of the house, with the blonde Launch chasing after him, a knife swinging in her hand. For their part, Master Roshi and his other apprentices were busy practicing the valuable skill of hiding in the underbrush.

'Slow down ya little pig!' snarled Launch 'How about I cook you for dinner!'

'Oh look at that,' said Roshi 'Krillen ran the hundred yards in just eight point eight seconds. That's much better than before!'

'Whats more impressive is that the untrained amateur is keeping up with him.' reflected Kakarot. 'You really should train Launch.'

'Kid,' said Roshi 'there are some powers which shouldn't be unleashed on the world. And a Launch who knows the kamehameha wave is one of them.'

There was an audible sneeze.

Krillen cowered beneath the now blue haired Launch, whose knife was inches away from his crotch. 'Oh that's funny,' said Launch 'I thought for sure I was in the kitchen.' She glanced down. 'Oh look, I dropped my knife.'

Krillen fainted.

* * *

It was a nice little village where the group was taking shelter on route to the city. A group of locals had been kind enough to put them up for the night and provided them with water and food. The rations were somewhat meager, and the water they were allowed to drink was restricted. Even so, Bulma had eaten like a horse, despite her usual dietary restrictions. After they had finished she leaned back in her seat. 'I never thought I'd be so happy to drink regular water.'

'Well,' said Nam, their host. 'dwelling in the desert does make one appreciate the simple things. I apologize if what we can offer as hospitality is a bit meager, however, we have been going through a dry spot these past few years.' Nam was a tall brown skinned man with reedy arms and a turban.

'It's no problem really,' said Yamcha 'we would have thirsted to death if we hadn't found you guys. I… I'm sorry about your problems though.'

'I hope things get better for you.' said Puar.

'With any luck, we should get some heavy rain soon.' said Nam 'These things go in cycles.' He paused thoughtfully. 'Tell me, are you by chance a martial artist?'

'Yes,' said Yamcha 'how did you guess?'

'Your frame fits it.' said Nam 'I was wondering if you intended to enter the worlds martial arts tournament when it comes.'

'Well, I've never really thought about it until now,' said Yamcha 'but I like the idea of setting my name in the history books, yeah.'

'Ah,' said Nam 'I mean to enter as well. If things get any worse here, I will need to buy water for my village. And if things get better, the money I might win will do wonders for my people. Tell me, would you care for a spar?'

'You want to fight me?' asked Yamcha.

'Yes,' said Nam 'I wish to see how I hold up against another martial artist. And I have heard tales of your exploits from travelers you have robbed. You are said to be a very formidable fighter.'

'Ah,' Yamcha rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. 'right, I guess I have a reputation.'

'Go ahead Yamcha,' said Bulma 'I'd love to see you in action.'

'Well, let's do this.' said Yamcha.

Nam led them out of the house and into an arena of sorts, where the beating sun fell down upon them. Various villagers aligned themselves in seats, as Bulma and Puar stood at the sidelines looking down. Yamcha and Nam faced one another down, a long silence between them. They bowed to each other, and then they took a stance.

'The fight will have the same rules as the World Martial Arts tournament.' said Nam 'No weapons, and if you are thrown out of the arena, you lose. All the other rules also apply.'

'Right,' said Yamcha 'this will be good practice.'

'Go get him Yamcha!'

For a moment they sized each other up, unmoving. Then they surged forward, and met in a flurry of blows, stepping back and forth as their arms moved in a blur. Back and forth, and around they went until finally, Nam struck Yamcha back with an open palmed strike which sent him reeling back. Nam did not press his advantage, instead, he merely waited.

Yamcha wiped a bit of blood from his mouth, before taking a familiar stance. 'You're pretty good,' he said 'now let's see how you deal with my WOLF FANG FIST!'

The howling of wolves was audible as Yamcha rushed at Nam, who stood his ground and moved his arms. In the ensuing flurry of blows, their arms moved faster and faster, until finally, Yamcha managed to score a strike against Nam's face which sent him back a step. Then he recovered.

'Impossible!' said Puar 'No one has ever been able to block the wolf fang fist! Even Kakarot couldn't weather it!'

'My big brother is really incredible isn't he?' asked a young boy beside them. 'He is the best warrior in the village.'

'Your skills are impressive,' said Nam 'however you would do well to forfeit.'

'Big words,' said Yamcha 'care to back them up.'

'My next attack may send you into a coma for ten days,' stated Nam 'I do not wish to hurt you.'

'Bring it on,' said Yamcha. 'I can take anything you can dish out.'

Nam sighed. 'Very well, however, do not say I didn't warn you.'

Then he leaped up into the air and soared upwards high into the sky. Yamcha stared upwards, and Bulma and Puar followed his gaze. They watched as Nam became a tiny speck, and then that speck rapidly began to get larger as it soared downwards.

'Yamcha move!' cried Puar.

Yamcha rolled away just as Nam descended, and the weight of the collision against the ring was like the falling of a mountain. The tiles cracked as a crater was made in it, and Yamcha's footing was shaken as he stumbled backward, nearly falling out of the ring as Nam rose up. The turbaned man surged forward, a strike aimed for Yamcha, however, the former bandit narrowly stepped aside and brought round a kick aimed for Nam's head.

Nam ducked, and brought round a low kick which sent Yamcha careening to the ground to land with a crash. Rolling away, Yamcha rose up as Nam pressed the assault. Another flurry of blows ensued as Yamcha was driven steadily back, closer and closer to the edge of the ring. Finally, he was at the edge, and Nam struck him in the chest with a palm that sent him falling down.

Yamcha landed on his back and stared upwards.

'No way…' said Bulma 'Yamcha lost? There has got to be some kind of cheap trick behind this.'

Puar, however, shook her head. 'He beat him fair and square Bulma. And Yamcha knows it.'

Yamcha stood up and dusted himself off. 'You are a really good.' he said to Nam. 'I'm going to have to take my training really seriously if I have a hope of beating you and winning the tournament.'

'I am also surprised at your strength.' stated Nam 'Your wolf fang fist is an impressive technique.'

'Well I did come up with it myself.' said Yamcha. 'So thanks.' He offered Nam his hand, and the man took it. It was odd, but in that moment they somehow became friends.

* * *

They didn't want to impose for long, so the next day, Yamcha, Bulma and Puar continued their journey to the city. Yet as they walked onwards, Yamcha turned and waved to Nam who returned the gesture. Then they went onwards. 'That was one HFIL of a wake-up call.' said Yamcha.

'What do you mean?' asked Bulma.

'The world is full of really strong fighters,' said Yamcha ruefully. 'and if I'm going to win the Tournament, I'm going to have to be stronger than all of them.'

'I think you did fine, Yamcha.' said Puar.

Yamcha shook his head. 'Fine isn't going to cut it Puar.'

'Can we talk about something other than martial arts for a bit?' asked Bulma in annoyance.

'Oh,' said Yamcha 'sorry. Uh… what do you want to talk about?'

Bulma paused and examined her surroundings. Sand was everywhere around her, and not much else. '…I hate sand.'

'So you want to talk about geography?' asked Yamcha, raising an eyebrow.

'No!' she snapped 'Yes! I don't know, I just want to get out of this desert! Why did you have to go and crash anyway?'

'I didn't crash,' said Yamcha 'the machine broke down.'

'Sure it did, and we're not in the middle of a desert!' roared Bulma at the sky. Finally, she fell to her knees. 'I can't go another step. Let's just lie down and die.'

'What are you talking about?' asked Yamcha 'What kind of talk is that.' Then kneeling down he picked her up bridal style, much to her surprise. 'Let's just go.'

Bulma blushed for a moment, before letting herself melt into his arms. There were some advantages to having a handsome martial artist as your boyfriend.

* * *

Later that day, as the sun fell behind the horizon, Roshi stood before Krillen, Kakarot, and Chi Chi with a serious appearance. At the same time Launch was making dinner within, and a delicious aroma was tempting them. Even so, they paid close attention to Roshi's words. 'And that is a brief explanation of how to go beyond your limits. Am I making any sense?'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'in fact you are making so much more sense that it would be totally redundant for you to explain it again at any point in the future.'

'You said it Kakarot.' said Krillen.

'Good,' said Roshi 'then you boys have one more test to perform before we go inside to that wonderful smelling supper.'

'It's not more running, is it?' inquired Kakarot, who was in no mood to be exceeded again.

'No it's a different kind of test.' said Roshi, before picking up a large smooth stone in his hands. Drawing out a marker, he etched out a mark on the stone quickly. Then he showed it to them. 'Take a good look at this stone. Have you memorized it?'

'I think so.' said Krillen.

'What is this, arts and crafts?' asked Kakarot, before being elbowed by Chi Chi.

'Shut up Kakarot,' said Roshi, before hurling the stone far across the island into a nearby forest. 'oh yeah, still got the old arm.'

'The test is to throw stones?' asked Krillen incredulously.

'Throwing stones is not the test here.' said Roshi. 'The test is to find mine.'

They turned to him in surprise. 'What?' said Kakarot.

'You mean the one you just threw?' asked Krillen.

'Anyone can throw a stone.' said Roshi 'Just like anyone can throw a punch. But to find a stone takes a focused mind and a calm spirit. This is what will separate you from the others, and so the person who finds it can keep the stone. And the students who don't can keep their appetite.'

There was shock amongst them. 'Y-you mean, no supper!' Chi Chi and Krillen said in unison.

'Meh,' said Kakarot, unimpressed with the stakes.

'That's right,' said Roshi cheerfully. Then he looked at his watch. 'And if no one brings back the stone in thirty minutes then none of you get to eat. Now hurry up students, times already started.' They turned and made a break for the forest as one. 'Watch out for snakes!'

* * *

It wasn't long before they came to a sheer drop into the landscape below. They looked in a panic. 'Damn it!' said Krillen 'There is no way down. We'd better find a detour quick.'

'Doesn't seem like it.' agreed Kakarot calmly as he walked forward. 'It's only a giant cliff. I've jumped this sort of thing before.'

'Are you crazy?!' said Krillen behind him.

Kakarot ignored him and leaped off the cliff down into the abyss below. As he barreled downwards, he caught himself on a branch halfway. Said branch then immediately snapped, and let him careen down to land with a crash in the middle of the forest. Rising up, he rubbed his head, before rushing onwards into the forest.

Far above Krillen stared down with Chi Chi. 'That guy can't be human!' said Krillen 'And now he's way ahead of us!'

'Well I guess I'll follow him.' said Chi Chi 'Kakarot knows what he's doing.' And she leaped off the cliff face as well.

Krillen watched in horror and contemplated running after them, before racing to find a detour. Then he stopped suddenly. 'Wait a minute, there is no way I can find that stone in half an hour. Especially with Kakarot and Chi Chi taking leaps like that. Maybe there is another way.' He smiled and laughed to himself.

* * *

Kakarot in the meantime searched through the forest, seeking his stone. He wasn't particularly invested in the outcome, but he had been assigned to find the stone so he would do his best to find it. Stooping low, he picked up a stone but found nothing on it.

'This is going to take a while.' he muttered as he walked onward. Then he smelled a scent. 'Hmm, smells like sweat and turtle shell. I'm closer.'

Then he came across it. Falling to one knee, he picked it up and looked at it. There was the mark, and it was the right shape and size certainly. He smiled in satisfaction. 'Found you.'

At that moment Chi Chi came through the trees and landed beside him. Kakarot quickly put the stone behind his back and looked at her. 'Oh Chi Chi, there you are.'

'Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'why did you rush off like that?'

'I felt like it,' he said, and then a whim struck him. 'I have something for you.'

'You do?' she asked, blushing. 'Oh, my you're such a romantic.'

'Yeah it's fine.' said Kakarot, before handing her the stone. 'Take this. I can always just hunt for my food, so there is no reason for you to go hungry.'

'…Thank you Kakarot,' said Chi Chi.

'Right,' said Kakarot 'now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to kill something to eat.'

* * *

Meanwhile, Krillen found a stone roughly the size and shape of the original and picked it up. 'Ah, fortune smiles on Krillen.' he said, before racing over to a nearby house and knocked. 'Hello, man at the door!'

A dark skinned women then emerged. 'Where is the man?'

'I'm the man, ma'am.' he said 'And I need to borrow a pen. It's an emergency.'

'A pen?' she asked.

'Yes please.' said Krillen.

Once he'd gotten a pen, he swiftly wrote out an exact replica of the sign which Master Roshi had put on the stone to begin with. Handing the pen back, he gave the woman a winning smile. 'Thank you.'

Then he raced off. 'Now all I have to do,' he said 'is act like I had a really hard time finding it.'

* * *

Master Roshi looked at the stone with a critical eye. Then he threw it back in Krillen's face, causing the boy to grip his head painfully. 'Nice try, lamo, but that's not my handwriting! Now get out!'

'Sorry!' said Krillen as he fled out of the house in a panic.

He should have known better than to think he could put one over on Master Roshi. Racing to the cliff, he rushed down a detour he found and reached the bottom as he wandered round. 'Man, I'll never find anything in this jungle.' he said.

At that moment a tiger leaped out of the bushes, roaring as its claws reached for him. Krillen leaped into the air, narrowly avoiding its jaws before striking it on the neck and knocking it unconscious. Landing behind it, he breathed out. 'Wow, that was close.'

Suddenly he heard massive footsteps echoing throughout the jungle, and he quickly hid just in time for a massive dinosaur to move past him, crushing trees and bushes underfoot in the process. Krillen trembled as it went past. 'What… kind… of a jungle am I in?' he asked out loud.

At that moment Chi Chi came through the trees, carrying the stone in hand. Krillen stared. 'How in the world did you find that, Chi Chi?'

'Kakarot found it, and then gave it to me.' said Chi Chi proudly.

'Great,' said Krillen, before he came up with an idea. 'wait a minute that stone doesn't have Master Roshi's handwriting on it.'

'Are you sure?' asked Chi Chi.

'Positive,' said Krillen 'Kakarot must have given you a fake to get you to stop searching.'

'Kakarot would never do a thing like that!' snapped Chi Chi, and Krillen cowered.

'What I mean to say,' said Krillen quickly, trying to avert her wrath. 'is that Kakarot was mistaken. He must have picked the wrong stone. Let me see.'

Chi Chi gave him the stone, and Krillen looked at it with an appraising eye. Then he turned and raced away, off into the forest.

'Hey!' called Chi Chi behind him. 'Your cheating! Give me back my stone!'

And she raced after him, and Krillen rushed with all the speed he could muster. 'I'm sorry Chi Chi, but I stole it fair and square.'

The chase led over a great chasm, crossed by a rope bridge. As Krillen rushed away, Chi Chi pursued him, having now broken down crying. Despite himself, Krillen felt guilty, in addition to feeling absolutely terrified of what would happen if Chi Chi caught him.

He turned and slashed with his hands the ropes, causing her to fall into the river below.

Krillen smirked and made his way onwards at a leisurely pace. 'What a well earned meal-'

'Hello, Krillen.' said Kakarot.

'Hi, Kakarot.' Krillen stopped as he realized Kakarot was standing right behind him. 'Oh…'

'You have exactly ten seconds to give back the stone before I strangle you, and tell Master Roshi the tigers got you.' said Kakarot in a calm, almost affable tone.

'I…' Krillen paused, beating off his fear. 'If you think you can just walk all over me you're dead wrong!'

'Oh yes,' said Kakarot 'because you've clearly demonstrated truly massive amounts of courage in the past. You didn't even have the guts to fight her for it, you just abused her trust and took it for yourself. Times up by the way.' He took a stance.

Summoning up his courage Krillen rushed him. There was a brief flurry of blows before Krillen realized he was outmatched. Kakarot fought with untold savagery and quickly gained the upper hand, throwing him to the ground and pinning him as he punched him again and again, a vicious smile on his face. Finally, as Krillin lay dazed and bruised, Kakarot reached for Krillen's throat.

It was only in this moment that Krillen felt very sure that Kakarot had not been bluffing when he said he would kill him and claim the tigers did it. He was dead serious.

'Stop it Kakarot!' came a scream.

Kakarot halted and looked up to see Chi Chi approaching him, having scaled the cloud. 'You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to strangle a fellow student of the Turtle School.'

'Oh come on,' said Kakarot, stepping backward fearfully. 'he dropped you off a cliff! You could have been killed.'

Krillin almost found himself pitying his would be killer now that Chi Chi was looming over him. Kakarot looked genuinely afraid as she advanced. 'Two wrongs don't make a right.' said Chi Chi sternly, 'And you can't solve all your problems by killing people.'

'Alright, alright,' said Kakarot 'I won't try and kill my fellow students anymore.'

'Good.' said Chi Chi, before turning her gaze to Krillen. 'Now, Krillen, I want my stone back.'

Krillen stood up, somewhat shakily, and had an idea. He withdrew the stone he had faked before, being sure not to show it to them. 'Alright then, go get it!' And he hurled it into the distance.

'You jerk!' snapped Chi Chi before rushing away.

Krillen for his part fled with all the speed he could muster, while Kakarot stayed behind, looking contemplative as he sat down cross-legged.

* * *

Roshi looked at the stone carefully. 'Well, what do you know. Good job Krillen, you've redeemed yourself.'

'Yes,' said Krillen 'Master, Kakarot is incredibly dangerous! We got into a fight over the stone, and he nearly killed me.' He paused, breathing heavily.

'…Did he now,' said Roshi 'well I'll be sure to give him a stern talking to when he gets in tonight. Even so, it takes two to tango, so maybe you should learn not to pick fights with your fellow students in the future. He won't be getting dinner tonight in any case.'

Krillen smiled despite himself. Victory was his.

* * *

Later Krillen and Roshi shared a good laugh as they sat down to one of Launch's delicious meals. They ate hungrily, digging in. Kakarot and Chi Chi had not returned at all that night, and despite himself, Krillen wondered if they were planning some kind of vengeance.

'Do you like it?' asked Launch.

'You bet.'

'Would you like some more to drink, Master Roshi?' asked Krillen, raising a bottle.

Roshi offered him his cup. 'Oh ho, you read my mind.' He glanced to Launch. 'Well, I didn't know you were such a good cook Launch. Thank you very much.'

'Just thank the fish.' said Launch, prompting more laughter.

'Thank you fish.' said Krillen.

'Yummy,' said Roshi 'whats in this tasty stew?'

'Let's see,' said Launch 'what did that man call it? Oh yes, it's a puffer fish.'

There was utter silence as their hands stopped moments before they took another of many bites. Krillen looked up, terrified. 'P-pufferfish?'

Roshi dropped his chopsticks. 'But that's poisonous!'

They collapsed to the floor, languishing as the poison surged through their veins, retching miserably.

* * *

For his part, Kakarot did not know or care about what was happening. He had ditched Master Roshi and Krillen, killed a deer and cooked it over a fire using his survival skills. Chi Chi was with him, a little ways away. 'So you know how to hunt and cook meat in the wilderness?' asked Chi Chi.

'Well I had to learn.' said Kakarot ruefully. 'My grandfather, I mean my master, taught me a lot about this kind of thing. I only perfected the art after he died though.' He began to munch on the meat thoughtfully. 'You know, Chi Chi, there is a period of time I can't account for, back when Pilaf's castle was destroyed. I know I didn't fall asleep, so I must have been knocked unconscious. So why won't anyone tell me what happened?'

'Uh...' said Chi Chi 'I wouldn't know, I didn't really have time to figure out what happened. What do you remember, exactly?' She didn't think it would be a good idea to reveal the truth to him. It might cause him to do some very bad things, and anyway it would probably break his heart.

'Well,' said Kakarot 'it's all a blur really. I remember feeling very hungry and holding something warm in my hand. Then there was a scream, Bulma's I think, she has a very unique scream, and I decided not to eat it. Was I dreaming? It was... weird.' He took another bite from his deer le and looked up at the stars far above. 'Have you ever looked up at the stars before Chi Chi?'

'Sometimes,' said Chi Chi 'my papa taught me about the constellations. See that star up there, its the Makyo Star. Its drawing nearer and nearer to earth. Some day it will be close enough so we can see it in detail, and evil spirits will reign with far greater power.'

'How long are we talking?' asked Kakarot.

'Erm, ten to twenty years.' said Chi Chi. 'I don't really remember the lesson all that well.' She paused. 'Why the interest in stars, Kakarot?'

'...Because I think I came from them.' said Kakarot 'My earliest memories are a blur. Gohan never told me much, only that he had found me in the woods. Yet every so often I get these... visions. Visions of things that were, and sometimes things which haven't happened yet. And sometimes... sometimes I feel like some of them are looking back at me. Waiting for me.'

'That sounds terrible,' said Chi Chi 'I'd hate to have my dreams looking back at me.'

Silence engulfed them as they waited. Waited for something, and Kakarot decided to lighten the mood a bit. 'I've been thinking about what you said before, about me not being able to solve all my problems by killing people. I think your right. See, even if I could kill Master Roshi, I wouldn't be able to get any stronger for it.'

'Well I guess thats a sort of progress.' said Chi Chi hopefully.

'So if I'm going to murder Krillen,' decided Kakarot, falling onto his back. 'I should wait until after Roshi has nothing more to teach me, and then get rid of him.'

'…Let's just call that a good start, and go to bed.' decided Chi Chi.

The next morning Chi Chi and Kakarot were all set for training. Unfortunately Roshi and Krillen had to take the day off due to food poisoning, so they were on their own. Over all it had been a pretty good day.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Holy crap, I just realized how important Chi Chi is to this timeline. If Kakarot had gone to train at Master Roshi's on his own, and Krillen had still stolen the stone, Kakarot would have killed him. Its almost disturbing how psychotic Kakarot is below the surface. Oh to his friends he might seem just kind of a jerk, but god help you if he mildly dislikes you.

As for why I didn't really address it in chapter, Roshi probably thought Krillin was exaggerating. Also this is Dragonball, a world where someone can be a planet destroying maniac one minute, and a best friend the next. To say this world is irrational is putting it lightly.

We'll continue Kakarot's education in the art of being a moderately decent human being, next time on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.

Now on a separate note, just for the record, I am fully aware that in canon, Goku turned out to be using bad shoes and so was allowed to beat Krillen at the race. But frankly I don't care. It wasn't a fair match anyway, as Krillen should have been given the same advantage of retaking the test with good shoes as well. One of the biggest problems with Dragonball is that Son Goku is never allowed to suffer failure, or be exceeded in any way by his rivals after their initial meeting. The result is that there is a loss of suspense. So yeah, Krillen beat Kakarot's time in this version.

And yeah, I made Chi Chi do the best out of any of the students because have you seen her record? She barely fights, and barely trains in Dragonball Z, but she is still good enough to teach Goten enough for him to become a super saiyan. If she actually did train, she'd probably be the strongest Earthling.

Also, thanks to Alias the Jester for pointing out the potential inherent to having Yamcha, Puar and Bulma in uncharted territory. In the original anime its just filler which is quickly forgotten about, but your review gave me a good idea on how I could make Yamcha stronger by the time of the World Martial Arts Tournament. How much stronger is anyones guess. I hope Nam didn't seem out of character, I haven't watched his episodes in awhile.

Also, writing Chi Chi is difficult, because we never really see much of her in situations like this one. In dragonball its all humorous romantic misunderstandings until the end, while in dragonball z its all conflicts over how to raise Gohan.

 **Edit:**

After complaints about me nerfing Kakarot, I decided to change the text so it is ambiguous as to whether or not Kakarot could have beaten Krillin's time.


	17. Milk Delivery

**Chapter 17: Milk Delivery**

It was a crescent moon over the island that night. The palm trees swayed in a brisk breeze which flowed through their leafy boughs. Everyone except Kakarot and Chi Chi had spent the last week recovering from the pufferfish. Kakarot and Chi Chi had amused themselves by exploring the island more completely, a task aided greatly by her Nimbus. Now, however, Master Roshi and Krillen were beginning to feel better and were ready to continue their training at dawn.

Roshi slept soundly, his snoring echoing somewhat before he was abruptly awakened by a strike to his side. He pulled himself up and removed his eye covers to see that Krillen had lashed out in his sleep. 'The poor kid hits harder in his sleep than he does in training.' reflected Roshi. Tomorrow he would start them on milk delivery.

Launch in the mean time noticed Chi Chi sleeping soundly, and put her covers over her, before smiling. 'I hope I don't sneeze in my sleep.' she reflected ruefully.

High above, a shooting star crossed the sky.

* * *

A rooster crowed, reckoning nothing of wizardry or martial arts, but only that the rising sun was coming with the dawn. An alarm clock sounded throughout Kame House, bringing Roshi up to his feet. 'I never can get used to that alarm,' he reflected as he turned it off. 'Krillen, wake up. It's time to get started! Early bird and the worm… uh… you know the saying.'

Krillen awoke, rising up from the bed while wiping the sleep from his eyes. He had slept very soundly that night. Very soundly indeed. 'I don't even think the worms are awake yet.' reflected Krillen tiredly.

Roshi, in the meantime, had gotten dressed into his formal outfit. 'Nice try,' he said 'now stop talking and start dressing. I'll go wake up Kakarot and Chi Chi.' He turned and made his way into the other room, and scaled up the stairs. _'Why should they get to sleep with Launch while I'm down here with Krillen. If it weren't for those blasted mood swings of hers…'_

He made his way into the room, quietly, taking a moment to admire the curves of Launch underneath the covers. Chi Chi was sleeping just a bit beyond, while Kakarot was on the floor some distance away, clutching his power pole close by.

'It's tough to see such beauty wasted on the young.' reflected Roshi. 'I wonder what Launch wears when she sleeps. Only one way to find out…' He reached forward.

'I wouldn't,' said Kakarot's voice. 'she went blonde earlier tonight.'

Roshi had already pulled back the covers and saw Launch was indeed blonde. He stepped back fearfully, unwilling to be the one who interrupted her dream cycle. That would be a nightmare. He looked to Kakarot, who shrugged as he stood up.

Stepping forward fearfully, Roshi reached out with his cane and tapped Chi Chi twice on the shoulder. Chi Chi arose tiredly. 'Good morning Master Roshi,' she said.

Roshi raised one finger to his lips for silence. 'Don't wake Launch!'

At that moment Launch awoke and saw Kakarot and Roshi there. She then grabbed a machine gun out from under her pillow. 'What are you two doing in my room you perverts?!'

Roshi was too terrified to answer, but Kakarot wasn't afraid of bullets. 'We both know you're going to try and shoot us now. Let's just cut to the chase.'

'Good idea you little hedgehog!' snarled Launch before opening fire.

Kakarot moved to the side, running along the walls and window as Launch machine gunned holes in the walls and shattered the windows. Then Kakarot kicked off the wall and kicked Launch in the gut, sending her crashing to the ground.

'Kakarot, you really shouldn't play so rough with girls.' said Roshi.

'She's right Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'it's not chivalrous.'

'This is the second time this woman has tried to machine gun me.' said Kakarot in deadpan. 'Hey Launch, do you think this time worked out any better for you? I mean granted, you're not half naked in the middle of a desert but-'

Launch pulled out a pistol, only to have it knocked away out the window by Kakarot's power pole.

'I just don't understand why you won't accept Master Roshi's training.' said Kakarot finally.

'Kakarot, what are you doing?' asked Roshi 'Why are you bringing me into this?'

'You terrify the old man.' continued Kakarot 'If you learned martial arts you'd probably be unstoppable. You'd be the most feared bandit to ever live. And if I'm wrong, you just go back to machine gunning people.'

Blonde Launch remained silent for a long moment. 'What's the catch?'

'Your gonna have to put your guns away for a bit, and let Master Roshi teach you.' said Kakarot.

'Why should I put up with all that crap?' asked Launch 'Whats so great about martial arts.'

'Consider how I lifted your car.' said Kakarot 'Now imagine you were picking up a policeman's car, and now imagine you were throwing it through a bank vaults door to clear your way to the spoils of your victory.'

Launch looked a little starry eyed at the thought. She then turned around and grabbed Roshi by the collar. 'Alright you old bastard, you had better add me to the list of students or I'll rip your heart out through your-'

'Okay, okay,' said Roshi 'just don't hurt me.'

* * *

And that was how Launch ended up in line alongside, Krillen, Kakarot, and Chi Chi, though she looked extremely put out about the whole thing. Then again, the blonde Launch always looked put out about something. It was practically her defining character trait.

'Today,' said Roshi 'we begin our studies in martial arts together. Before we begin there is something very important that you ladies and gentlemen should know.'

'What is it?' snapped Launch, crossing her arms.

'You do not learn martial arts to pick fights or to impress girls. Or guys for that matter.' said Roshi 'Do you understand what I am saying?'

They all nodded. Kakarot thought about all the people he could beat down with the skills he would pick up. Chi Chi fantasized about impressing Kakarot with her skill at arms. Launch thought about robbing trains with her bare hands and reflected that she would probably still use a machine gun either way. Krillen took Master Roshi seriously.

Suffice to say, no one was taking that statement on Master Roshi's part seriously. Not in the least part because the old man did not practice what he preached.

'We must master the arts of peace before we can achieve victory in the art of war. Victory is won through strategy. Strategy is derived from the art of peace.'

This was ridiculous. He had kept them waiting all this time. Why couldn't he just stop blustering and give them an assignment? Launch should have known this would turn out to be a bad joke.

'However,' continued Roshi 'if somebody evil threatens you, or any other good innocent person with the threat of force, it is your duty to defend!' He punched the air for effect. 'Do you understand?'

'Yes,' said Krillen.

'Yes Master Roshi.' said Chi Chi.

'I think I get the gist.' said Launch, not looking him in the eye.

Kakarot remained silent for a long time. '…I don't get it.'

Master Roshi sighed bitterly. 'What I mean is that we learn how to fight so that we won't have to. We strive to maintain peace in the universe!'

'That sounds boring.' said Kakarot 'But fine, I get it.'

'So, we're ready now for the turtle hermit training?' asked Roshi.

'Yes!' They said.

'Are you sure you can handle my rigorous training schedule?' asked Roshi.

'Yes.' They said in a resigned tone.

'…I can't help but detect a lack of enthusiasm here.' noted Roshi.

'Well it's just that you've been building up to this epic training so long,' said Kakarot 'I don't see any way it's going to live up to the hype.'

'Prepare,' said Roshi 'we'll warm up with a brief run. Follow me!'

The group ran down the hill towards a rode as the sun rose nearby them. As they ran a long distance a brisk pace, Krillen thought to himself: _'I heard Master Roshi's training was tough, but I haven't even broken a sweat yet.'_

Finally, they came to a milk factory where a humanoid goat was setting out many jars of milk. Master Roshi halted and raised his staff. 'Now halt.' he said, before approaching the goat. 'Good morning! I'm Master Roshi, I believe we spoke yesterday.'

'Ah, of course.' said the goat. 'I recognize your voice from the phone.'

'Whats the deal with this?' asked Launch to one side.

'Oh this is the part where Master Roshi lulls you into a false sense of security by tasking you with a seemingly harmless burden which proves to be far greater than you expected.' said Chi Chi 'You slave away with a apparently meaningless task for hour after hour, and in the end you find that the task has taught you an important lesson and built up your strength.'

Everyone stared at her. 'What? My papa told me about the training.' said Chi Chi 'Didn't your Master, Kakarot?'

'…Let's just play along.' said Kakarot.

Meanwhile, Roshi was looking at a map alongside the goat. 'This is the delivery route I usually take.' said the goat. 'See.'

'Alright, alright,' said Roshi 'I think I've got it.'

'That's a whole lot of milk they have stored.' reflected Krillin.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'yes it is.'

'Ready boys,' said Roshi 'you can each take one of these crates to deliver across the countryside.'

'We're delivering milk?!' asked Krillen.

'It's going to be a lot harder than it looks.' said Chi Chi in a warning tone. 'Papa told me all about his training.'

'Chi Chi is right,' said Roshi 'it's a good way to train our bodies.'

'Uh…' the goat paused. 'does that mean your all going on foot?'

'Mmmhmm,' said Roshi.

'But sir,' said the goat 'I've got a h-helicopter.' He motioned to said helicopter.

'Flying in comfort would hardly be training, now would it?' asked Roshi.

'But every bottle has to be delivered by breakfast time.' said the goat.

'Don't worry my friend,' said Roshi 'I'll have them moving like lightning.'

'I am not doing this.' said Blonde Launch.

'Do you want to suplex an armored car filled with money or not?' asked Kakarot as they moved forward.

'Fine.' snapped Launch 'But this had better be worth it kid.'

They moved forward and each picked up a box of milk. Krillen, however, seemed incredulous. 'Master Roshi, how can milk delivery be training?'

'Just you wait and see boy,' said Roshi before looking at the map. 'now let's see, why don't we take it easy for today. Let's skip the three miles to the first house.'

'T-three miles…' said Krillen, reality setting in.

'That'll be easy,' snapped Launch 'I rob trains for a living. Milk delivery is nothing.'

It started out only moderately difficult. That was the first one hundred feet. However all too soon their arms began to ache, and their hands began to hurt. By three hundred feet they were already sick of it, but they pressed on.

'Skip, two, three, four, skip, two, three, four,' Krillen and Chi Chi chanted at Master Roshi's direction, while Kakarot and Launch moved behind.

'Kid,' growled Launch 'you had better be right about this.'

'Or what?' said Kakarot defiantly. 'The only way you'll become a threat to me is if I am right, in which case I've got nothing to worry about.'

On and on it went in the rising sun, and the milk became heavier and heavier as they walked. Every step seemed to take a lifetime. 'Master Roshi how close are we?' asked Krillen.

'Don't worry Krillen,' said Roshi 'only two and a half miles left to go.'

At last, they reached their destination and delivered two jars of milk before halting and staying where they were, panting. Roshi looked at them. 'Good, we're off to a good start. Now for the next two miles.'

'You mean there is more?' asked Krillen.

'Of course, there is!' shouted Roshi, before calming. 'Now, how about… we zig zag between the trees along this path.' He motioned to a path lined on either side by many trees.

Kakarot blinked. 'Uh… can we…'

'Are you ready? Go!' shouted Roshi.

Thus they began to zig zag between the trees. The result was that they moved at a far slower pace down the path, and had to pick up their speed in the process. Their arms felt like jelly by now, and Launch no longer could muster up the energy to complain, now set on accomplishing the task which she had been set.

Chi Chi fulfilled her task with boundless enthusiasm, while Kakarot was behind her, not speaking only obeying. Krillen and Launch, in the meantime, found themselves falling behind. Suddenly Krillen stopped and got a thoughtful expression on his face. The two of them shared a glance and then began to run straight along the path while Roshi's back was to them.

Roshi was suddenly there. 'Krillen! Launch!'

They halted by the unspoken authority he now held in his voice and froze in place.

'Start over.' he said.

They obeyed, racing back to start all over again. Even Launch did not have a retort or statement. Despite himself, Roshi smiled.

Exhausted they reached their next stops and delivered the milk there as well, before halting and beginning to pant in exhaustion. Krillen looked dead tired, and Kakarot and Chi Chi were only a little better. Launch looked the worst, however, her hair was a complete mess. Sweat was dripping down her frame, and she was visibly shaking.

'If you students don't move your legs faster, the milk is going to curdle.' said Roshi simply.

Suddenly Launch sneezed, and her blue haired counterpart appeared. 'Oh dear, why am I carrying milk? And… why am I exhausted?'

'Your blonde self agreed to accept Master Roshi's training.' said Chi Chi 'We need to deliver all the milk before it spoils. Just follow Master Roshi's orders and let's go.'

'Did I say that you could rest?!' shouted Roshi, and the four of them stood to attention. 'That's better,' he turned to a great stone staircase. 'you've all earned a break from running. We're going to climb a few stairs instead.' And he began to scale them.

As the others began to scale, Krillen breathed in relief. 'Finally, I can catch my breath and take it easy.' Then he looked up. And up. And up. The staircase led up the side of a mountain and was truly gigantic. 'A few steps! Ugh…'

Thus they began their climb, getting steadily more tired as they went. Even so, they pushed through it. Roshi was at the lead. The Blue Haired Launch was struggling behind Chi Chi and Kakarot, while Krillen brought up the rear. He probably could have passed her, but he was afraid she might faint, and fall. So he stayed behind just in case he had to catch her. 'I may have been hasty when I said Master Roshi's training wasn't so tough.' reflected Krillen.

On and on they climbed, feeling tired and thirsty, and bored. It was exhausting, so exhausting that they couldn't think of anything to talk about. Yet it was also horribly boring, for the seconds dragged by like minutes as they went ever higher and higher on the stairs, which thinned out as they scaled higher.

Roshi found himself getting far ahead of the others, and took a moment to smoke a pipe as he admired the view of nature from the clifftop. Soon enough Chi Chi came up, with Kakarot some ways behind her. 'Master Roshi…' said Chi Chi 'couldn't I go faster… with the Nimbus Cloud…'

'Would that challenge your abilities, Chi Chi?' inquired Roshi.

'No…' said Chi Chi 'I'm sorry.'

'I am so sick of stairs.' said Kakarot as he reached the top.

Roshi blew a draft of smoke on his pipe and smiled at memories as he gazed over the island. 'Did you know that your Father, Chi Chi, and your Master, Kakarot, used to carry crates up these mountains all the time? And not once did they ever complain to me?'

'My master delivered milk here?' asked Kakarot, seemingly shocked at the thought. 'That doesn't… I can't imagine him ever being like me.' He looked down to the crate of milk. 'Let's keep moving Chi Chi, we've got milk to deliver.'

They then began to scale, while Roshi nodded to himself and waited for his other two students. 'Worked like a charm.'

Soon enough Krillen came up the stairs, looking exhausted. Roshi smiled at him. 'Good job, you're halfway there.'

Krillen sighed. 'Halfway there? I could have sworn I was at least three halfways there already… each step feels like my last.' Even so, he began to stagger up anyway.

Next came Launch, and she looked half dead on her feet. At some point, she must have sneezed before she was blonde again, and breathing heavily. How to motivate her? 'You know, you look tired.' said Roshi 'Why don't you just give up. Nobody would think less of you. After all you're just a girl.'

'Don't patronize me you old bastard!' snapped Launch. 'I'll finish your damn milk runs, mark my words! You won't knock me out of the race!' And she began to scale up the stairs at such a pace that she began to gain on Krillen.

As he scaled up, Kakarot forced himself on, telling himself that he had to exceed his master. Otherwise, his mission to destroy this world would never succeed. Chi Chi reminded herself that she wanted her papa to be proud of her. She hated the very idea of returning in defeat. Krillen trudged dutifully on, without stopping though his every fiber hurt. He would not let Kakarot humiliate him again. Lastly came Launch, forcing herself through with sheer hatred and determination. She no longer held in her mind any dreams of destruction or particular goal. All that mattered was that she prove Roshi wrong.

Finally, they put in the bottle of milk, and fell to the ground, dead on their knees. As they did so, a monk came out of the building. 'Good work, would you like a cup of milk friends?'

Kakarot looked up, too tired to be furious. '…Shut up.'

Roshi whacked him over the head. 'Be polite Kakarot.'

'Master Roshi,' said the Monk 'it's been ages since you've trained.'

'Yes,' said Roshi 'it has. It's nice to see you again.'

'Always nice to visit with old friends.' reflected the monk. 'How is the training of these students going?'

'It's too early to say, really.' said Roshi 'But I think that they are showing great promise.'

Despite themselves, smiles came to the student's faces, though Launch quickly hid hers. 'Did you hear that?' said Krillen to Chi Chi 'Great promise!' They clasped hands in triumph.

'If they get themselves in gear,' reflected Roshi 'they will be ready for the world martial arts tournament.'

'Oh,' said the monk 'that's only eight months from today.'

Krillen looked up. 'The world martial arts tournament?'

'What the hell is that?' asked Kakarot.

'Are you saying you've never heard of it?' asked Krillen incredulously.

'No, I mean yes,' said Kakarot, too tired for sarcasm. 'Yes, I have never heard of it.'

'That's where all the greatest fighters in the whole world meet up!' said Krillen 'They compete with each other to determine whose the absolute best.'

'Sounds interesting,' said Kakarot.

'They only hold it once every five years! Only eight fighters are allowed to participate in the tournament, but hundreds of fighters show up for it to try and make it past the elimination round.'

'Sounds fun,' reflected Kakarot 'I might get a good fight there.'

'I've heard that the competition is extremely difficult.' continued Krillen 'And some battles really heat up.'

This was too perfect. If Kakarot won that tournament, he would know for absolute certain that he was the strongest being alive. Then he would know to begin his destruction of this world. 'I think I'm going to enter.'

'Will we really be allowed to participate?' asked Krillen.

'Only if you boys train diligently.' said Roshi.

'Sounds like a good incentive.' said the monk.

'But,' said Roshi 'you will not go in there with hopes of winning the tournament the first time you compete. To do so would be arrogant, and arrogance is for fools, not warriors. So you will enter the tournament with the sole purpose of improving your fighting skills.'

Kakarot considered his words carefully. Krillen spoke first. 'I can't wait, this is going to be so exciting!'

'And by then, I will be far more powerful than I am now.' said Kakarot in a low tone.

'Not unless you finish delivering the rest of the milk today.' said Roshi.

'Respect master Roshi.' said the monk.

'Yes sir!' the group said in unison, except for Launch.

'Can we just get this over with…' said Blonde Launch.

* * *

In the aftermath of his defeat by Nam, Yamcha had returned to the city with Bulma and there become rested. Afterward, Yamcha at once decided to hit up the local dojos in order to figure out where he stood in comparison to the average fighter. So far, he stood pretty tall.

The dojo lay littered with unconscious bodies, as another Martial Artist was sent flying into a wall to slump limply to the ground. Yamcha took a stance, a smirk on his face. 'Next.'

Bulma watched from the window, standing on some boxes and cheering with Puar. 'Get him Yamcha! You can do it!'

Yamcha ducked a punch and used an elbow to KO another martial artist.

'Me next!' cried a giant. 'You think you can take me!' He struck at Yamcha, who ducked aside and dodged his every strike, back pedaling as he did so. Every attack his enemy made hit nothing but air. 'Why don't you stand still you little coward, and fight like a real man! Not tough enough, is that it?'

'That beast is going to beat Yamcha.' said Bulma fearfully.

'Don't worry,' said Puar 'Yamcha already knocked out twenty of his friends. He can knock out one more.'

'Wolf fang fist!' said Yamcha.

'Wolf Fang what?' said the giant.

Then Yamcha was upon him. His enemy lashed out with a leg, but Yamcha sprang up with massive speed and dealt him a single strike across the face which sent him reeling.

'I knew Yamcha would win!' cried Puar 'Just like he'll win at the world martial arts tournament!'

Bulma glanced down to her friend, unsure about that statement somehow. 'But Puar, shouldn't you be worried about Kakarot? He's somewhere training with Master Roshi.'

'He's not as strong as Yamcha!' proclaimed Puar defensively.

]Yamcha just looked disappointed, both in himself and his enemies. 'This won't do,' he said 'the competitors in the world martial arts tournament will be much tougher than this dumb oaf.' He sighed. 'I've got to start taking things seriously if I'm going to stand a chance of beating Nam. Kakarot, please show up, I've got something I want to share with you.' Then, for Bulma's benefit, he took a stance.

'He's such as stud.' said Bulma in a dreamy tone.

Beside her, Puar sighed in resignation.

* * *

'Careful students, one foot in front of the other. Balance, balance!'

They were somewhat unsteady as they made their way onwards. The precious cargo in their hands was difficult to carry, but even so, they kept on moving forward. Krillen made the mistake of glancing down, to see the sheer drop far below them.

'Concentrate.' said Roshi. 'and no whining!'

The group was making their way across a narrow log, wedged between two cliff sides. It was neither a fun, nor a comforting experience. 'Breakfast time is almost here!' said Chi Chi in concern as they pressed on.

'Who cares about breakfast when you are falling to your death?' asked Krillen warily.

So it went on.

It was a tiresome task that they had to do, and when it was finally over they rested in Kame House. Roshi looked at the exhausted group. 'Good job all of you, you'll deliver milk like this every day for the next eight months. That will be your early morning training.'

Everyone lay on the ground, panting for air, exhausted beyond measure, lying still and wishing to die there and then. Even so, it was over. It was finally over.

'Now let's start the mid morning training!' said Roshi.

Everyone groaned.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we have chapter seventeen of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs. So Launch will be taking Master Roshi's training. Truth be told, that was a spur of the moment decision on my part. I have no idea where, if anywhere, it's going to go. But it might mean that Launch won't just disappear at the end of Dragonball. I'll try to keep that from happening, though I'm not sure where she'll fit in.


	18. The Turtle Hermit Way

**Chapter 18: The Turtle Hermit Way**

The morning came ridiculously early for the four students, but Kakarot pulled himself up to watch the sun beginning to rise over the glittering ocean anyway. 'When I destroy this world,' he said to himself 'I will be sure to leave the scenic views unmarred.'

Then four o'clock came around, and they all began to do their tasks. Ferrying milk shipments to everyone on the island who needed it. As they did so it began to get easier, though it was still hard work. Even so, doing a task that was meant to be done by helicopter was by no means a simple one. Convenience, it seemed, was not the M.O of Turtle Hermit training.

They zig zagged through trees to test agility. They struggled up mountain steps to test endurance. The latter part was a resource that Krillen and Launch did not have quite as much of as Chi Chi and Kakarot. Even so, none of them were quitting. In the tests of balance, they made their way over dangerous mountains. Here Launch seemed to fair better than the others, having a good sense of balance. The training was hard and only got harder. Even so, Kakarot was certain that he was getting stronger as a result.

The important thing was to keep moving.

* * *

For across the world martial artists trained for the World Martial Arts tournament in a few short months. All of them prepared themselves with the common goal of achieving a single desire. The title of strongest man alive.

* * *

Yamcha stood before a tree. The tree was tall as a mountain, and wider than the largest man alive could reach around with their arms. Or so it seemed to him, as he stood there in a stance, focusing his power. The wolf fang fist was not just a punch kick combo, it was a focusing of all his power into a single burst, an onslaught of assaults which would be used to strike down his enemies.

Then he began to run. He felt the feral nature of the wolf in his limbs, as he summoned his inner strength and passed the tree by. Moments later he turned around, as the trees mid section was reduced to splinters, and the top landed hard on the ground.

Breathing hard, he calmed himself.

'Way to go Yamcha!' called Bulma from where she was watching.

'You can do it!' cried Puar.

'Kakarot is learning under one of the finest martial arts masters of all time.' said Yamcha 'If I am going to beat him, I have to make sure I advance at least at the same rate he is. I can't afford to rest, I've got to focus.'

* * *

Later Yamcha was doing pushups, with weights on top of his back, each one weighing perhaps fifty pounds. Up and down he went, as sweat dripped down his body. His arms were shaking as he continued, pushing himself onward.

'456, 457, 458, 459, 460,' counted Puar.

He suddenly collapsed.

'We can stop now if you want.' said Puar.

'Oh come on Yamcha,' said Bulma 'you'll never beat Kakarot if you can't do at least 500. He breaks boulders as early morning exercise.'

Yamcha forced himself up and continued to push himself.

* * *

Once again, the morning was over and the group had succeeded in achieving their goal, if only barely.

'We barely made it…' painted Kakarot.

'I… I just want to rest…'

'No amount of money is worth this…' said Launch.

'L-look on the bright side…' said Chi Chi 'we've got the whole day ahead of us.'

'Oh please,' said Roshi 'that run was only early morning exercise. Now it's time for mid morning exercise. You're going to try your hands at agriculture.' Then he turned and motioned to a farmer working a field. 'For that man over there.'

'Agri-what?' said Kakarot.

'Sort of like farming.' explained Chi Chi.

'How is farming going to make us stronger?' asked Launch as she stood. 'Never mind, I don't want to know. Let's just get this over with.'

'Excuse me, sir,' said Roshi to the man. A conversation passed between them.

'Of course Master Roshi,' said the man 'sure, that's fine.'

'Thanks,' said Roshi 'they will be so happy.' He turned back to them. 'Come on boys, time to get dirty!'

'First, we're the milk men,' said Krillen 'and now we're stinking farmers. We never did this at Orin Temple.' Everyone else just moved forward without a word. 'Hey wait for me!'

They quickly picked up their tools, while the farmer sat down. 'I think I'll just supervise.'

Picking up the hoes, they prepared to dig in.

'Hold on there,' said Roshi 'don't use the tools. This exercise is for the strength and dexterity of your hands. So, of course, it won't work unless it's done bare handed.'

They looked up in dismay. 'Like with our fingers?' whined Krillen.

'You betcha,' said Roshi. Kakarot looked at his hands and sighed, while Launch slumped visibly.

Digging trenches with one's bare hands proved something that both Krillen and Kakarot reluctantly excelled at. They dug swiftly, groaning and hating the sensation of the dirt and mud on their hands, but swiftly. Meanwhile, Launch and Chi Chi faired far worse, for a large part because they were reluctant to get their hands dirty. They advanced slowly behind, ending up falling behind the others. When Chi Chi realized she was lagging, however, she sped up her pace.

Launch faired the worst and was simply unable to keep up with them. Instead, she swore creatively, and without end, carving through the dirt with her hands as she muttered and cursed everything under the sun. It was obvious that she was already regretting her choice to take up this training, but she was too proud to admit defeat at this stage.

'Beautiful day, isn't it?' asked Roshi as he and the farmer watched them work.

'Yes, it is.' said the farmer.

Krillen stopped and looked at his nails. 'My fingernails are gone.' he said in despair.

'So, ready to quit Krillen?' asked Roshi.

'No.' said Krillen, before continuing his work.

To Roshi's surprise, Launch did not complain at all. In fact if anything she seemed to grow steadily more determined and furious and sped up a bit.

'I gotta say,' said the farmer. 'your students work like tractors.'

Little by little the fields and hills began to be covered in trenches of their making. As the minutes passed by, a bird flew above, singing. Roshi blew a smoke ring in satisfaction as he watched things go by. Finally, the four came before him, covered in dirt, and exhausted as they stood before them panting.

'Master Roshi…' said Kakarot.

'Stop with the tingling…' said Krillen.

'This… this had better be worth it old man…' said Launch in a dead tone.

'…we're finished.'

Roshi surveyed their accomplishment with satisfaction and a certain amount of pride. 'Hmm, that's excellent work students. But you must learn to move faster. The amount of land you till will increase every day. Now, who wants breakfast?'

'…We're going to have to catch it for ourselves or something aren't we?' asked Kakarot in despair.

'Give me a chicken and I'll eat it raw.' said Krillen.

'Miserable, no good, rotten, stupid kid, convincing me to take this freaking training…' muttered Launch.

'I do.' said Chi Chi cheerfully, despite her exhausted state.

'Let's go out to eat.' said Roshi.

In a nearby village, they went to a restaurant and there fell upon the food they ordered like rabid dogs. Plate after plate was used and set aside. Then the group would turn and ask for more food and the restaurant would comply. No one spoke much, instead focusing on inhaling as much food as possible.

* * *

The nail was set in so the blackboard hung above them on a tree. Kakarot looked at the books in his hand, perplexed, before looking to the others. None of them knew what to make of this either. Roshi turned to face them.

'Each day from now on we'll be hitting the books until after lunch time.' the Master explained. 'A strong body is pointless unless you know how to use it. And that takes brainpower. First thing, literature, Kakarot start by reading.'

It was boring. Really boring, and only Chi Chi seemed to have any fun with it. Launch sneezed at some point, and her blue self-proved far better at it than them. Even Master Roshi seemed to find it extremely dull. Finally, the old man stood. 'Maybe it's time we had lunch.'

'Finally,' said Kakarot.

At 12:30 PM they set out hammocks and lay down in them to rest. 'Yes,' said Rossi 'we'll spend this hour on good old fashioned napping. Work hard, study hard, and eat and sleep plenty. That's the turtle hermit way to learn.'

'Hey master,' said Kakarot.

'Whats up?' asked Roshi.

'Are you certain there will be strong at this tournament we're in?' asked Kakarot.

'Oh you bet,' said Roshi 'this tournament is like a magnet for all the really strong fighters across the globe.'

'So the one who emerges victorious will be the strongest in the world.' said Kakarot 'Nobody could stop him?'

'Well not necessarily nobody,' said Roshi, giving him a look. 'but they would be up there.'

'I can't wait.' said Krillen.

'Some people spend their whole lives training, just to make it through the qualifying round.' reflected Roshi.

'Well, I'm gonna do more than that!' boated Blonde Launch. 'I'll win it, and become the most feared bandit to ever live!'

'Could you do me the decency of pretending you paid attention to my speech about why we fight?' asked Roshi in resignation.

'Oh,' said Launch 'right, uh… sorry.'

'So what if, while we're lying in our hammocks, someone else is training to become stronger than us?' asked Kakarot 'How can we know?'

'The truth Kakarot,' said Roshi 'is that we can't know. But I think you'll find that even the strongest warriors need their shut eye.'

It was in this moment that Kakarot admitted, really admitted the truth to himself. 'Master Roshi is far older and wiser than I am, and far more powerful. For all his appearance of fear, I don't think Launch could have really hurt him with all the guns in the world.

Exceeding him may be my greatest accomplishment.'

* * *

Yamcha was not resting. He didn't have time for rest. His initial enthusiasm for getting stronger had become almost an obsession as he worked endlessly on various machines to round out his weak spots. He stood atop great poles for hours on end to enhance his balance, and practiced his stances constantly, sometimes from morning to night.

He rarely, if ever, rested for more than a few minutes, and though it was fascinating to watch him work, Bulma began to be concerned. 'Yamcha, don't you think you are taking this a bit too seriously?'

He halted in his efforts, breathing hard and looked up. 'Well that's just it, isn't it. Every second I'm not training, someone else out there is getting stronger. If I'm going to win this tournament, I need to be the strongest in the world.'

'It's eight months away, champ.' said Bulma with a smile. 'Nobodies going to care if you take an hour to rest.'

'If you don't,' said Puar 'you might injure yourself.'

For a moment Yamcha remained silent. 'Alright, you got me. Let's take a break.'

The break lasted more than an hour, of course, but no one really minded.

Then Yamcha got back to work.

* * *

It was a construction yard, where many men and machines were working. Kakarot and the others gazed around them in fascination, though Launch didn't seem particularly interested. She stood with her arms crossed, while Chi Chi kept flexing her hands nervously.

'And this will be your mid afternoon training.' said Roshi 'Construction work helps with balance and muscle size. And it can earn you students some extra dollars on the side.'

'If I wanted money, I'd just rob a bank.' said Launch. 'Ow!'

Chi Chi had elbowed her, and their gazes met before Launch looked away. 'I mean yes master.'

A man in a construction hat approached them. 'You sure these kids can work? They look a little weak for pickaxes.'

Cla-clink

'You want to come over here and say that to my face, bub?' snarled Launch, motioning with a machine gun.

'Uh… no.' said the construction worker fearfully.

'…Where did you even get that?' asked Roshi 'I thought we disarmed you.'

'I always keep a spare.' said Launch.

Roshi put out one hand and looked at her sternly. Reluctantly, Launch gave him the gun. Then Roshi turned back to the construction worker. 'Sorry about that, some of them are a bit rough around the edges. Just you wait though, once you see these ones work you'll want to pay them five times the typical salary.'

'Five times?!' cried the man. 'You must think I'm a fool!'

'Yeah, that is an accurate assessment of our opinion of you.' said Kakarot.

'Shut up Kakarot,' said Krillen.

'Let's wait until you see them before you decide that.' said Roshi, unfazed, as he raised his staff. 'Start digging boys!'

'Do we… still, have to use our bare hands?' asked Krillen.

'Not this time, Krillen.' said Roshi in a sympathetic tone. 'Just no power tools okay.'

'Well this sounds fun.' said Kakarot.

Using shovels they dug great pits in the earth single-handed. With wheelbarrows, they pushed great loads of earth too and fro, as the work men watched their efforts with awe. By hand, they outdid steamrollers to the shock of the others.

'What are they?' asked the construction worker.

'Turn up the motor students or you'll never make it to the tournament!' cried Roshi.

It was a simple motivation, but it worked like a charm, and the group now worked even faster than before, and everyone around them had to get out of the way lest they be run down. They dug ever faster and outdid the work of dump trucks ten times their size.

* * *

As he worked, Krillen found himself beginning to tire. 'Stay with it, old buddy.' he said 'Stay with it until you can beat them.'

He remembered the Orin Temple, being thrown across the dojo to land with a crash, as his opponent towered over him. 'Okay… you win.' he had said.

'Your such a miserable runt!' scoffed his opponent. 'I can't believe the master wastes his time on you!'

'Come on, little Krillin,' said another 'don't you want to fight?'

One of them surged forward and kicked Krillen in the face, sending him reeling. 'Oh look, he almost dodged it.'

One of them began to pat him on the head condescendingly. 'Don't worry, there is always the circus.'

Krillin was punched across the room to land with a crash.

'So that's why the master kept him. He makes such an excellent punching bag!'

Everyone laughed. That was what he remembered most, the laughter. He was at best beneath notice, at worst a prime target for bullying. It made his blood boil.

Back in the present Krilling began to hit the ground with a pickaxe with such relentless strokes, that it snapped at the haft and went flying to land right near the construction worker.

Kakarot stared in confusion at what was happening.

'Alright! Alright!' he cried 'I'll pay you whatever wage you want for them!'

The spiky haired child shrugged. 'Nice work Krillen, you just got us a raise.'

'Uh… what?' said Krillen, broken from his memories. 'I mean yes, of course, I did. I mean to do that all along. Just as planned.'

* * *

Later by a sparkling blue lake, Master Roshi stood before his students. 'After the sweat you students worked up I'm having you jump in the lake.'

Krillin's eyes widened, though no one was nearly as surprised. 'You mean there is more?'

'Of course,' said Roshi 'isn't the sun still up?'

'Okay that's it,' said Kakarot 'I know I'm not going to like the answer but I have to ask. When are you going to start teaching us fighting moves?'

'Yeah,' said Launch 'I didn't sign up to deliver milk and dig holes!'

'Now don't get jumpy!' shouted Roshi 'There are certain basics you need when learning martial arts and you boys aren't there yet!' Then he motioned to a nearby boulder that towered over them. 'Now I would be delighted to teach you the basics of martial arts just as soon as you're strong enough to move this rock.'

'What!' said Launch.

'What?' said Krillen 'Move that thing?! Well, I don't mean any disrespect master, but that impossible!'

'It's not impossible,' said Kakarot 'a friend of mine punched me through three mountains once and they weren't much bigger than that one.'

'Kakarot is right,' said Roshi 'observe.'

Then he turned and faced the rock, pressing his hands against it. For a few moments, nothing happened as Roshi groaned. Then the rock began to shift, leaving a trench behind it as Roshi pushed it onwards. Then he looked up. 'Impossible is it? Well if you two stop complaining and stick to my program, one day you'll be able to do this too!'

'Yes master.' said Krillen, while Kakarot turned and walked away.

Roshi looked to where Kakarot began to press against another nearby rock of similar size with all his might. Roshi sighed. 'Now why do I get the feeling that you missed the entire point of my lecture Kakarot.'

And then the rock shifted, moving through the dirt little by little as Kakarot pressed against it. Before long he was moving it quickly forward by sheer brute strength until at last, it was perhaps twenty feet along.

'Go Kakarot!' cried Chi Chi, jumping in enthusiasm.

Kakarot turned to face Roshi. 'Okay, can you teach us now?'

There was silence. 'Krillen wants everybody to know he's speechless right now.' said Krillen finally.

Roshi began to laugh while sweating slightly. 'Ahahahahahaha! Well, thats my mistake! Guess I was in such a hurry that I pushed the wrong rock!'

'Really?' asked Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Roshi 'I mean anyone and his great grandmother could push a rock of that size!' He looked around and rushed for another rock, this one towering more than twenty times as tall as Master Roshi, and many times thicker. 'There! That's the rock I meant! Once you move that, then you are ready for martial arts!'

'Wow,' said Chi Chi 'Kakarot, I don't think even you could lift that.'

Kakarot raised an eyebrow. 'Yeah, okay, I'm game.' And he made his way forward.

Yet though he shoved it, and pushed it, and hauled on it with all his might for minutes on end, he could make no difference in it. Finally, he leaned against it, exhausted. 'Master Roshi, it just won't move.'

'Naturally son,' said Roshi 'that all comes with dedicated training.'

'Okay Roshi,' said Kakarot, beginning to get annoyed. 'you move it.'

'C'mon master,' said Krillen 'let us see!'

'Yeah, let's see the great Master Roshi prove he's not full of it.' said Launch sarcastically.

Roshi stepped forward and began sizing the rock up, standing with his hands behind his back. He raised and lowered his eyebrows a few times. 'Hmm, hmm,' he looked up at the sky as the sunlight glinted off his sunglasses.

Then he turned around. 'What do you say we go do some uh… training! The clock is ticking you know!'

Roshi provided the four of them with bathing suits, and Kakarot reflected that Launch looked very good in hers. Then they stood by the edge of the lake, and Roshi motioned across it with his staff. 'Now I want you all to swim ten laps okay! And try not to splash each other in the eyes!'

'Well that's quite a relief.' said Krillen 'Some easy stuff at last.'

'You do know that you're setting yourself up for disappointment, don't you?' asked Kakarot.

'Let me have my dreams.' said Krillen.

'Ready, set, swim!'

And they dove into the water, cutting through it as they rushed to the other side. Launch, as it turned out, didn't just look good in swimwear, but also was the best at swimming because she shot ahead of them in moments. Kakarot and Krillen were next, while Chi Chi had a great deal of trouble keeping up.

'Do you think Master Roshi is rewarding us for good behavior?' asked Krillen.

'You'd better watch out students!' called Roshi 'There are some big fish in there!'

'To answer your question, Krillen.' said Kakarot 'No, no I do not think that.'

'What kind of big fish?' called back Krillen.

'Sharks mostly.' said Roshi.

'…I don't think sharks are fish.' said Chi Chi with a puzzled expression.

'Actually, they are,' said Kakarot 'see their entire skeleton is composed of cartilage.' There was silence. 'What? I read one of Master Roshi's books.' He paused. 'We'd better start swimming.'

And then a massive shark head emerged from the water, set on devouring them.

And that was how they found themselves swimming for their lives while pursued by many hungry sharks. Krillen quickly reached the edge and turned around.

'That's not a lap, Krillen.' said Roshi 'You forgot to touch the other side of the shore!'

'Are you kidding me?!' cried Krillen, before swimming under the water and circling around the shark, which turned to chase after him.

Finally, they reached the other side and pulled themselves up. 'At least we're safe.'

And then the T-Rex showed up. They made a run for it.

'Hey!' called Roshi 'You haven't finished swimming!'

Desperate they leaped into the water and swam for their lives. 'This is ridiculous!' said Kakarot.

* * *

Meanwhile, Roshi watched with amusement. Launch had not bothered to get up on the shore and had been swimming back and forth with ease. 'Now that's what I call motivation.' reflected Roshi, admiring Launch's curves.

Finally, the four of them finished their efforts and got out onto the shore, breathing heavily. Roshi stood before them proudly. 'Good job boys, are you ready for the next lesson?'

* * *

Roshi tied all four of them to a tree with a rope around their waist so that they could only move so far before being pulled back. 'This lesson will test your reflexes and dodging speed.'

'Why is the rope necessary?' asked Kakarot.

'Sometimes when fighting we get cornered,' said Roshi 'and must dodge the enemy in a limited space. You see? Good luck men.' Then he crept slowly towards the edge of the tree.

'That makes sense,' said Chi Chi 'but what are we dodging Master Roshi?'

Then Kakarot saw the beehive. Then Master Roshi hit the beehive and ran like hell. And out came the bees in tremendous fury.

'Concentrate hard and you won't get stung!' cried Master Roshi from behind a rock.

The results were unpleasant.

'Don't just run, dodge!' cried Roshi 'Dodge!'

'You miserable old bastard, you'll pay for this!' cried Launch.

The only consolation was that Roshi was soon attacked by the bees as well, and was just as miserable as everyone else.

* * *

Finally, they stood before Roshi, covered in bee stings, their fingernails ruined, and their bodies exhausted. Their minds weren't better off. Roshi, who had only gotten stung once, was chipper. 'Well obviously we'll have to work on your dodging ability.' said Roshi 'The good news is that you've completed your first day of training.'

'Master,' said Krillin 'please tell me that our training isn't going to be this difficult every single day.'

'Why do you ask questions which you already know the answers to?' asked Kakarot miserably.

'Of course, its going to be the same.' said Launch.

'Actually, it's not.' said Roshi 'It will be much more difficult.' Then he picked up four giant shells. 'For the next few months, you are going to be doing exactly the same training as today. But you'll be doing it with these stylish fifty-pound turtle shells!'

Everyone fell down and wished to die at that very moment.

* * *

The building that loomed above them was a tall and square one, that looked to have once been a warehouse. It was built in a neighborhood which Bulma didn't like the look of one bit, and at the door was a giant of a man with a metal pipe. He eyed Yamcha in suspicion. 'You here for the fight?'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'that a problem?'

'Just make sure you're tough enough for it.' said the man. 'This isn't a backyard playground kid.'

'I can handle myself.' said Yamcha.

'Fine,' said the man 'I'll let you in then.' And he opened the door, and beyond they saw a long hall with several doors alongside it, and a single door at the end.

As they walked in, Bulma felt a bit uncomfortable the way the guard eyed her. 'Are you sure about this Yamcha? This place doesn't look so safe.'

'It isn't,' admitted Yamcha 'look just stick close to me and Puar and you'll be fine.'

'That's right,' said Puar 'nobody in this place is strong enough to take on Yamcha.'

'Don't have to tell me twice.' said Bulma.

They reached the door at the end, and Yamcha opened it into a great fighting arena of white stone, surrounded by man seats and many cheering competitors. Bulma saw at the far end of the ring three men. The first was a boy around Yamcha's age, with three eyes and no shirt. He was very muscular, and if it weren't for the bald head Bulma might have found him attractive. With him was a small childlike entity, who with pale skin and red marks on his cheeks and was clad in green. He was speaking with a bent old man with sunglasses, and he too was clad in green. Last, of all there was a man clad in a pink and black outfit, with the words 'Kill you' written on the back. His face was unshaven, and he had a very familiar face.

'That's…' Bulma faltered as horror came over her. 'that's Mercenary Tao! Yamcha, you can't fight Mercenary Tao, he'll kill you for sure! The man is so dangerous that no policeman dares arrest him. He doesn't even have to hide what he does, he just kills people and no one dares punish him.'

'Relax,' said Yamcha 'I'm not fighting Mercenary Tao. I'm fighting his brother's student.'

Bulma breathed a sigh of relief. 'Wait, he has a brother?'

'He's called the Crane Hermit,' said Yamcha ruefully. 'supposedly he's a big time rival to Master Roshi. I figure if I fight one of his students, I'll have a better idea of what I'm going to be up against when I fight Kakarot.'

Bulma shuddered. 'Yamcha, this is a really bad idea.'

They reached the side of the ring, and the announcer stepped up. 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another thrilling match in the underground arena! Today we have two terrifying forces of nature pitted against one another in a no holds barred fight to the finish! In the one corner, the brutal prodigy himself, the star student of the Crane School of Martial Arts, Tien Shinhan!'

Tien stepped up onto the ring and began to stretch. Something about his bearing screamed 'murder.'

* * *

Yamcha took a few breaths, calming his nerves. He'd had a bad feeling about this from the very moment he first began, but it was too late to back out now. His pride wouldn't allow him to run from a fight. So he waited for the cheers to die down, as the announcer prepared to call him up.

'In the other, a legendary bandit who was raised in the wilds, a man more at home with savage beasts than with people, Yamcha the desert bandit!'

Yamcha climbed up, a little annoyed at how much the crowd seemed to love it if their cheering was any indication. 'I'm retired from that job, actually. I switched careers to martial artist.' Then he turned his attention to Tien, who regarded him. Did he remember?

'You seem familiar,' said Tien 'didn't you try to rob the train I was on a year ago? What makes you think you'll stand a chance now?'

'I succeeded in robbing that train in case you've forgotten,' said Yamcha 'just because you could have stopped me doesn't automatically mean you did.' Admittedly he hadn't held on to the loot very long.

'Whats he talking about Yamcha?' asked Bulma.

'Long story, we'll tell you later.' said Puar quickly.

'Is that your girlfriend behind you?' asked Tien in amusement. 'It was probably a good idea to bring her. I doubt that cat could have helped you limp off with all the broken bones you'll have by the end of this.'

'Big talk, three eyes.' said Yamcha, taking a stance. 'Care to back it up?'

'It'll be all too easy.' said Tien as he took a stance as well.

'The rules are simple,' said the announcer 'you fight until one of you taps out or is thrown out of the ring. Management is not responsible for any death or maiming that may occur.' He then proceeded to run with all his might out of the ring and hide behind a chair. 'Begin!'

Both fighters rushed each other, and met halfway, engaging in a brutal flurry of blows in which both of them took hits. Yamcha got Tien across the face, but Tien, in turn, kneed him in the gut before bashing him over the head. Yamcha fell down but rolled away before Tien could slam him with a foot and moved to kick the triclop's legs out from under him.

They both got distance from each other and then surged forward. In the next round, Tien faired better, smashing him backward with several vicious blows that left Yamcha stumbling back towards the edge of the ring. Tien then swung a high kick at the former bandits face, yet Yamcha ducked and dealt him a palm to the chest that sent Tien stumbling back.

'Come on, you can do it Yamcha!' cried Bulma. 'Knock him out of the ring!'

The two fighters circled each other, looking for an opening. Then Yamcha surged forward.

'Wolf fang fist!'

Tien's arms moved in a blur as he repelled the assault, without taking a single hit. Yet, even so, Tien was driven gradually back, until finally, he stood at the edge of the ring. Realizing he was at the edge, Tien lashed out with a kick that drove Yamcha back to the opposite side and nearly lost his balance in the process. He hid the fact well, but Bulma noticed it, and so, apparently, did his Master.

'Tien!' snapped Mercenary Tao 'You are disgracing your school! This petty bandit should be nothing to you! Get rid of him, I don't care how!'

For the first time since Bulma had seen him, Tien looked afraid. 'Yes Master, of course!'

The triclops raised one finger and pointed it at Yamcha. 'Dodon Ray!'

A beam of yellow light shot forth from Tien's hand, surging towards Yamcha who rolled away just in time. The shot flew out of the ring, and hit some unoccupied seats, blowing them to pieces in the process. The crowd went silent as Yamcha rose up.

'Are you insane?!' said Yamcha 'What if you had hit someone!'

'If you care so much about innocent bystanders,' said Tien raising his hand. 'then maybe you shouldn't dodge the next one!' Then he turned his hand to point straight at Bulma. 'Dodon ray!' A beam of light surged from his finger.

It was as if some power within him had been unleashed. Suddenly it didn't matter if there was no way he could block the beam in time with his speed, it didn't matter if he was killed in the process. Yamcha moved on instinct to protect his pack.

* * *

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the beam shot towards Bulma, who felt her legs stepping back in shock. It inched across time and space towards her, and she knew she would never be able to dodge it. She wasn't a fighter like Yamcha, after all.

Then Yamcha surged in front of her, raising his hands into a defensive posture. The shot connected. An aura of something, Bulma wasn't quite sure what, seemed to surround Yamcha, keeping the power of Tien at bay. Then there was a brilliant explosion.

When the light faded, Yamcha was still standing, but quickly fell to one knee, breathing heavily. His shirt had been half burned away, and blood was on his lip as Tien approached.

'Not so smug now are you?' asked Tien looming over him. 'Your nothing compared to a student of the crane school-'

Then Yamcha surged forward with a feral roar, and he suddenly looked more like a wolf than a man. A fist was driven hard into Tien's gut so that he doubled over. Yamcha then arose over him and slammed a double fisted assault onto Tien's back, sending him into the ring so hard that it cracked. Then stooping low, Yamcha picked him up with two hands and hurled him out of the ring to crash onto the floor. Tien crashed into the seats of the audience who jeered as he staggered up, glaring at Yamcha hatefully.

Then the crowd broke into deafening cheers so that it hurt the ears to listen to them. For her part, Bulma remained dead silent, as she realized just how close to death she had come. Puar was also silent, and Bulma reflected that the cat would have also been caught in the crossfire.

Yamcha stepped down, looking a bit unsteady. 'You were right Bulma, this was a really stupid idea of mine. Are you alright?'

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'thanks to you.'

'You wouldn't have gotten into this mess if I hadn't dragged you out here.' reflected Yamcha bitterly. 'Let's get out of here.'

'It was my choice to come.' said Bulma, resolutely.

They made their way out, and as they did saw Tien Shinhan bowing before his master, a look of fear in his eyes. 'I… I am sorry master if I hadn't gotten overconfident-'

'You would have won.' finished Mercenary Tao 'As it is, you lost. You disappoint me Tien, and your training will reflect that.' Then he looked up with a piercing look to where Yamcha was standing. 'Be seeing you, bandit.'

Bulma's blood went cold. 'Let's get the hell out of here.' she said, very afraid.

They all but ran out, quickly making their way out of the neighborhood. When they were a few blocks away, and it became apparent that Mercenary Tao was not particularly interested in pursuing them right away. Yamcha fell down, breathing heavily, before rising up again. 'It's fine, I'm all right.'

'No it's not alright Mr!' snapped Bulma 'I was worried to death! We are going to go to a hospital, and you are going to get looked at by doctors!'

'But my training-' began Yamcha.

'Now!'

In the end, Yamcha was remarkably unscathed. He had some bad burns on his arms and chest, but it was nothing that would not heal in a few weeks. Bulma was quite relieved, however, Yamcha looked outright disturbed.

'I just realized something,' said Yamcha in horror. 'I just made an enemy of Mercenary Tao. If I don't get strong enough to win the World Martial Arts Tournament I'm a dead man!'

He raced off to train more, while Bulma and Puar watched him run faster than they were aware it was possible to run. 'Well at least he's motivated,' reflected Puar.

'It's going to be impossible to get him to take a break now.' reflected Bulma sadly.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Good news everyone, we're just about done with the training arc. Soon enough we'll get to the World Martial Arts Tournament, and boy do we have some wonderful divergences for you to enjoy coming up!

Honestly, after that first chapter, I figured for sure that Kakarot and Krillin would be enemies, but I guess nothing makes a fire forged friendship like having to put up with Roshi's training.

On a separate note, the fight with Tien is one which I have been thinking about for awhile. And that scene may seem like it's just a cameo, but it's actually very important for Tien's development. See, Yamcha and Kakarot are going to end up a lot stronger than in canon, so I need a reason for Tien to also be much stronger.

As for why Yamcha beat Tien, it's my theory that Tien never exceeded Mercenary Tao until after Mercenary Tao apparently died. Once Goku killed him off, Tien undertook training from an even deeper level of hell, got much stronger, and developed all his cool techniques.

Secondly, I would just like to say that if Tien had done a fair fight and fought Yamcha normally with fists, he would have eventually won. It's just that because he targeted Bulma and Puar, Yamcha went into an unstoppable rage, fueled by the power of love. Also, Yamcha took him off guard. That combined with the fact that Tien has only just learned the Dodon ray, all resulted in Tien losing the fight.

Now then, I feel I need to address a particular comment in the reviews section which I found personally offensive. It's at the top of the comments section as of this writing. I'd PM 'Guest' to respond privately but they haven't had the guts to leave an address to PM.

Okay, first of all, about the only relevant ones being Vegeta, Trunks, Goku, and Gohan. THIS IS DRAGONBALL! Not DRAGONBALL Z! Vegeta doesn't even know Earth exists yet! Trunks and Gohan have yet to be born! And as for no one else being relevant, have you watched the show? Yamcha, Krillin, Tien, and all the rest all have their own awesome moments which are important to the story. It's true they diminish in power once Vegeta becomes a regular, but they are good characters in their own right.

As for focusing on side characters, I'm not focusing on side characters. Yamcha and Bulma are main characters at this point. And people DO care about them. The host of positive reviews speaks for itself!

You claim the storyline hasn't changed at all, but it has! The story line is changing in many small and not so small ways as a result of Kakarot's different personality. It has already changed a great deal. The characters got a wish on the dragon. Chi Chi and Launch are becoming fighters. Yamcha is training to get stronger at a far greater rate. And it's going to change even more as things go on. Plans are coming to fruition which will result in a completely different end scenario.

Also if Kakarot actually went dark, and completely rejected Gohan's teachings, and somehow still managed to kill Gohan in Oozaru form, he would be dead. Yamcha would have killed him because he would never have learned Martial Arts from Gohan. And that assuming he even got that far. Anyone who's done their research knows that Kakarot had a power level of two. The Saiyans were sending him to die, with no expectation that he might win.

The entire point is that Kakarot realized this. He realized he wasn't strong enough to destroy the world, and so has chosen to stay off the radar until he is powerful enough. Hijinks ensue. I am willing to go dark with this story, but I will write it the way I want to.

Anyway, that's my response to a particularly impolite review. I kind of needed to vent, to be honest.


	19. The Tournament Begins

**Chapter Nineteen: The Tournament Begins**

Kakarot was somewhere underground, deep under ground. He scaled his way down a ladder, looking around him for some unknown threat. Yet he could not see it, or sense it. He reached the bottom, and Kakarot advanced through the facility.

There, lying dormant within a tank of green liquid, stood an embryo. Yet though it could scarcely be considered human, Kakarot suddenly felt as though it was aware of him. Watching him, and it was afraid.

He raised one hand and summoned the power to his hand, more power than he'd ever had before. He must kill it, he must slay the foul creature before it killed them all! Yet for some reason, he stopped. Something held him back.

All of a sudden everything went dark, and he was suddenly floating above a planet, yet he knew it was not earth. A man in black and green armor stood against a lone enemy. Yet Kakarot could not see the enemy. Suddenly his vision changed, and he saw himself standing amidst the bodies of many friends, though he did not know their names.

Again the vision changed, and he felt his rage boiling over. Then everything changed to one final vision. Three great monkeys, looming over a city, breathing energy blasts like the Kamehameha wave to annihilate those beneath them. They were just like the monster that had killed his master, yet they were clad in armor. They must have been sentient too, for they fought with precision. It had been nothing like the monster from before.

Kakarot awoke with a start. He had been dreaming again, and he rose up and walked out to watch the sun rise.

An early morning mist rose up over the island, making the light seem pale as the sun rose over the horizon. A ringing echo from a bell sounded throughout the mountains and hills of the island. A new day dawned over the peaceful island, full of new challenges. The clouds were swept away and soon the whole of the world was covered in light.

Several months had passed. The tournament would begin in several more.

* * *

Before the morning dew had left the ground, the four students resumed their training as usual. The fifty-pound turtle shells had become lighter on their backs as they had gotten stronger, and their bodies had adapted. Kakarot knew that he was far stronger than he ever had been before, as he zig zagged through trees alongside the others. Chi Chi was almost always ahead for this part, followed by himself, then Krillen, then Launch.

Each day Roshi had kept them sweating by boosting their workload even more. The fields they ran got longer. The mountains they climbed got taller and taller. And yet the four students endured because the world martial arts tournament was fast approaching. And they were all of them determined to fight at any cost.

Months on the island had passed like this, with relative calmness. And the strength of Master Roshi's students increased. And unfortunately for the sharks which chased them, so did their speed.

As he watched his four students work, Roshi sadly reflected that they would soon be ready to learn his martial arts. 'Darn,' he muttered 'that means I'll have to work.'

Since they didn't have a decent cook handy, they ate out almost every day. Launch, for her part, was usually too tired to go on rampages, so they could almost feel secure in her presence.

On and on the training days passed, until the tournament was only one month away.

One day, while Roshi was eating breakfast, Chi Chi entered and bowed. 'Master Roshi, could you please come with me?'

'What is it?' asked Roshi.

'It's important,' said Chi Chi 'please come on!' Then she dragged him by the hand out through the fields, until they came to a giant rock towering over them.

'Yes,' said Roshi 'it's a rock, what of it?'

'Don't play dumb ya old geezer!' snapped Launch 'You said if we moved it you'd teach us fighting!'

'You do remember, don't you?' asked Kakarot.

'I… said that?' Roshi remembered, but he was trying to avoid the question.

Kakarot said nothing, he merely began to push against the rock, straining horribly against it. For the first few moments, nothing happened. Then with a terrible groaning, the rock began to move, shoving up dirt as it did so. Roshi stared in dismay as Kakarot pushed it full twenty feet, as Krillen laughed in triumph, and Launch smirked. Chi Chi gazed on with dreamy eyes.

'See!' said Krillen 'I moved it too! Almost as much as Kakarot did!' Then he approached and began to push on the rock as well. After a few moments groaning, the rock moved a little further. This was followed by Chi Chi, and then Launch, who finally pushed the rock off a cliff to tumble and smash in the sea.

'There!' said Kakarot 'We've done your training! Can you please teach us to kill things now!'

'Oh,' said Roshi 'how… nice…' The rock thing had just been a joke to keep them working. He'd never expected them to actually do it. Roshi probably should have pointed at a mountain. He looked at his student's expectant faces and cleared his throat. 'Uh… well, my students… I have almost nothing left to teach you about the martial arts.'

'WHAT!' roared Kakarot.

'Master Roshi, you aren't serious are you?' asked Krillen.

'You miserable old bastard!' roared Launch as she drew out two machine guns from nowhere and was suddenly sporting a rambo bandolier. 'I spent eight months moving dirt for nothing because of you! Give me one good reason not to fill you so full of lead that you'll reflect radiation!'

'Would you have preferred to spend the last eight months in prison, Launch?' asked Chi Chi sweetly.

Launch blinked. She had obviously not thought of it in that light before. '…Good point. I'll just uh… just be quiet now.'

'The whole method behind the Turtle Hermit fighting style is the training schedule.' explained Roshi patiently. 'Which you've done every day,' With that, he began to walk past them. 'You students don't seem to realize, but just by repeating these simple exercises you've pushed your arms and legs and hearts, and even your brains past their built in limitations.' He then turned to them. 'That right there is the whole art behind martial arts.'

'That doesn't make any sense!' said Kakarot 'How am I supposed to win if I can't fight!'

'Well, you four didn't come here to win.' said Roshi 'You came to learn. But don't sweat it, you know how to fight, it's just the outer expression of your strength. It's natural.'

'But aren't there special moves or tricks to win?' asked Krillen.

'What?' said Roshi 'Is there an echo in here, Krillen? I just said winning wasn't the real point. This tournament is only another step in your training. It's an introduction. And that's the lowdown, there is no point teaching you special moves until you get the fighting experience. So keep training the same.'

Kakarot turned to Chi Chi. 'Chi Chi, what do you think of all this?'

'Yeah,' she rubbed the back of her head. 'I kind of sent a letter to my papa telling him where I was, and then he sent one back and sort of spoiled the surprise for me.'

'Speaking of surprises,' said Roshi 'we're going to make it a little harder.' He drew off his own turtle shell and dropped it. The shell crashed into the ground, cracking it. 'Now you'll be wearing heavier turtle shells! Their twice the weight!'

Later as they worked to move rocks while burdened by their new shells, Krillen spoke out. 'So what do you think, Kakarot? Do you think we even have a chance of not getting creamed at the tournament?'

Kakarot glanced back as they walked. 'Well, I'm confident that I'll make it to the final round, at least. As for you, well…' He thought about how to say this gently. 'Your career started poorly, it's probably going to peter out a bit towards the middle, and the less said about the end the better.'

'You're a real charmer, Kakarot, you know that.' said Krillen with narrowed eyes.

'I try.'

Meanwhile, Launch and Chi Chi were working elsewhere. The blonde was throwing herself into things with her usual fury, while Chi Chi was dutiful. 'Can't believe that old bastard, wasting our time with all this.'

'But he isn't,' said Chi Chi 'we'd never have been able to move that rock all those months ago. We've all gotten much stronger than we ever would have been able to get otherwise.'

'Give me a break.' muttered Launch. 'This training isn't doing us a lick of good.'

'Well if you are so convinced it's useless,' said Chi Chi 'why don't you quit?'

Launch paused and looked at her with narrowed eyes. Chi Chi met her gaze with a demure smile as though daring her to do anything about it. Finally, Launch looked away. 'Shut up, kid.'

* * *

Elsewhere amidst an ancient forest, a wolf howl pierced the night as a lone warrior trained obsessively. A shadow rushed through the darkness, his ragged hair flowing about him as he worked to tap into his most feral self. Leaping into the air, he swung himself on a tree branch and rushed on word with many springing leaps and bounds. With one final leap and a battle cry he landed in a clearing and took a stance. Making multiple slashes and elaborate moves, he cut through the air with all his might. Then he halted, and stood deadly still, the light of his eyes the only thing visible from his silhouette. He bent his knees, and launched a charge at a nearby giant rock and charged it, his hair flowing behind him.

'Wolf Fang Fist!'

The rock shattered into thousands of pieces and flew across the forest, leaving nothing but a small bit of rubble to show it had been there before. And high above, the crescent moon stared down at him, leering. One more wolf howl cut through the night, and then all was silent.

Yamcha finally allowed himself to relax. He'd spent the past month or so out in the wilds, preparing obsessively not just for the tournament, but to battle Mercenary Tao. He knew that if he was not strong enough, it might not just mean getting knocked out of the tournament, but the loss of his life. So he had trained, and trained, and worked endlessly for the past few months to ensure that he was in the running for the strongest man alive.

Because if he wasn't, he'd be a dead man.

'It's been over a month now,' he said after a moment. 'and I'm a lot stronger. Perhaps I should return.'

* * *

A plane flew over West City, where below cars drove to and fro and people went about their daily business. A blonde woman spoke to a blonde stud, flirtations passing between them as Bulma Briefs walked along the sidetrack on the opposite side of the street. Bulma was in a foul mood and had been so for the past month.

'I have just about had it,' said Bulma, as she carried back groceries for her family.

'Oh Bulma,' said Puar. 'Please don't say that?'

'Why not?' snapped Bulma. 'Two weeks, three weeks, four weeks.'

'Because it's always been Yamcha's dream to fight in the tournament!' said Puar. 'He needs to prepare-'

'Four whole weeks and he doesn't even call!' ranted Bulma. 'He didn't send me a letter of flowers, or even a stinking post card. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd forgotten my name.'

At that moment and orange fell out of her bag, and on reflex, she went after it. Before she knew what was happening she was out in the middle of the street, with a truck bearing down on her. She screamed.

Then a shadow surged forward, picked her up and hauled her out of the way. They stood together on the sidewalk, staring at each other. The man who had saved her was clad all in black and had a shaggy head of black hair fell to below his back, and was unshaven. She stepped back quickly. 'Who are you?'

'Come on,' said the mait'sits me, look!' And he pulled back his hair.

'Yamcha!' said Bulma in relief.

'Yay!' cried Puar as she approached. 'I missed you!'

'Hello Puar,' said Yamcha, hugging the floating blue cat. 'How has it been here?'

'Like a beach without sunshine.'

'Oh fine!' snapped Bulma, turning around in a huff. 'You ignored me all month long, why wouldn't you ignore me now?'

'Uh…' began Yamcha 'I…'

'Yamcha,' said Bulma, voice breaking slightly as she turned around. 'I was worried about you! For all I knew you were dead in a ditch, or trapped in a country you can't pronounce!' She turned around. 'You'll have to make this up to me. And you're going to enjoy it!' And she marched off.

Yamcha blushed despite himself, before glancing to Puar.

'Now lets go clean you up.' said Bulma.

'O-okay…' said Yamcha.

* * *

The last month had counted down, until finally the tournament was only one day away. Master Roshi stood in front of a car, dressed in a smart black suit and broad brimmed hat. The four students stood before them in their turtle shells.

'Okay students,' said Roshi 'did you remember to pack your toothbrushes?'

'Yes sir.' said Krillen.

'Of course.' said Blue Launch.

'Papa taught me to always remember.' said Chi Chi.

'Tooth what?' said Kakarot.

Roshi ignored him. 'Okay, you can take off your shells now.'

'Good,' said Krillen 'I was scared we'd look silly at the tournament.' And they pulled them off, letting them fall down to land with a crash.

As soon as they were free of them, the group began to move about, moving faster then they had thought was possible. Kakarot was amazed despite himself. 'I'm so light…' he said 'I feel as though I were a leaf blowing in the winds.'

'Alright!' said Launch 'Now this is what I'm talking about! Real power!'

Chi Chi spun round, and practiced a kick. 'This is so cool!'

'See how high you can jump.' suggested Roshi.

Obediently the four of them jumped up. And up, and up, and up. Krillen looked to Kakarot as they rushed upwards. 'Hey Kakarot,' he said.

'We're a lot more powerful than we ever were before.' said Kakarot with a smile.

They landed and began to run, surging across the plains with ease. They had taken off the turtle shells before now, of course, but never when they were completely fresh. They had always been totally exhausted.

'Now,' said Roshi 'blue Launch has something for you.'

Blue Launch made her way into the house, and removed from it a box which she opened to reveal similar, gray suits to the black one that Roshi had made. There were four of them, for each of their sizes. 'I made you all suits in my spare time.'

'Launch,' said Kakarot 'are you telling me that with all this training, even our special training, you still had time and energy enough to make these from scratch?'

'Special training?' asked Krillin.

'We're not talking about it.' said Kakarot.

Blue Launch shrugged. 'I guess I felt my other self was working on something, so why shouldn't I? I'm sure you'll look great in it.' Then a bee flew past her nose.'Ah, ah, achoo!'

They quickly put them on, and Krillin laughed as he saw Kakarot.

'Whats so funny?' asked Kakarot, eyes narrowed.

'You in a suit.' said Krillen.

'Don't listen to him, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi 'I think you look dashing.'

'This is awesome,' said Blonde Launch 'we look like regular gangster now! No one will dare oppose us once we've won the tournament!'

'What did I tell you?' asked Roshi.

'…We're not going there to win,' said Launch 'I get it.'

'Good,' said Roshi 'now lets get this baby moving or we're going to miss our place.'

* * *

They set off in the car, driving swiftly over the roads to the airport. They then boarded a plane flying to the tournament island, and rode it until the sun was setting in the distance. As they went, Kakarot stared out the window in bemusement at the landscapes flowing out beneath them far below. As usual the sea was beautiful.

'Its rather like a flying house. Clever really.' he reflected.

'Its just an airplane, Kakarot.' said Krillen.

'I don't think you fully appreciate the brilliance of your own species.' said Kakarot.

At the far end of the seat Master Roshi watched as a flight attendant did her rounds. 'Would anyone like something to drink?' she asked, before feeling Roshi groping her. And that was how Master Roshi took a plate of hot coffee to the face.

Krillen looked back over the seat to where Launch was gripping her heavy machine gun like a newborn child. 'Hey Launch, mind telling me how you got that past airport security?'

Launch put her heavy machine gun to Krillin's forehead and smiled. 'Like this, kid.'

'I'm gonna stop asking questions I already know the answer to now.' said Krillen, before sitting down.

Kakarot leaned back in his seat and little by little felt his eyes drooping with the sound of the planes engines in his ears. Finally he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Kakarot was floating above a planet, watching a man with his hairstyle in green armor cast a bolt of energy towards an enemy. He carved a bloody swath through his enemies as he rushed towards a vessel floating in the upper atmosphere, calling challenges to his enemy within. Then his enemy emerged, and Kakarot felt his blood run cold.

The man cast a bolt of white energy against him, yet his enemy created a sphere of energy so terrible and gigantic that it obscured everyone around. The energy was cast down towards the man, and consumed him, and everyone else within its boundaries. Then it fell upon the world far below, burrowing deep into its core. Great crisscrosses of light appeared on its surface, and then everything came to an end.

* * *

'Father!' cried Kakarot as he awoke with a start.

'Kakarot, are you alright?' asked Roshi, looking at him with concern. 'You look a bit pale, boy?'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'just… just a bad dream.' Yet as he looked out the window and saw that night had fallen, he realized that part of his dream was true. There were countless crisscrossing lights far below on the ground. 'What are those lights?' he asked, horror in his tone.

'Nothing to worry about, m'boy.' said Roshi 'Those are city lights. We've arrived.'

'Their not dangerous are they?' asked Kakarot, wondering if the whole world would come to a end.

'Their harmless, they just keep buildings lit up.' said Roshi in amusement. 'You've seen a few of them at Kame House.'

'Right, of course. Now I remember.' said Kakarot, feeling silly.

Soon they came in for landing, rolling out onto a great landing field. The plane came to a halt, and the passengers filed out off a great ramp. Once they were past the airport, they entered the city.

As they made their way into the city, Kakarot was filled with awe. Though he had seen its like in dreams, it had never dawned on him how completely huge cities were. Cars of the sort he'd seen Bulma and Yamcha drive were everywhere, and there were countless people of all shapes and sizes. The number of lights was nearly as impressive on the ground as in the sky.

'This place is gigantic,' said Kakarot 'how does one feed this many people?'

'They import food from outlying farms, silly.' said Chi Chi 'My papa is in charge of many prosperous farms which feed places like this.'

'Good to know,' said Kakarot 'note to self, the cities are reliant on the farms. Target them last.'

Roshi raised a staff. 'Taxi!'

A green car labelled taxi zoomed up. 'Can you take us to the tournament grounds?' asked Roshi,

'Yeah, sure.' said the man.

Zeni was exchanged, and in return the man provided them transportation through the city. They soon came before a great walled structure, with a massive building before them, painted red. They emerged from the castle.

'Everyone who hasn't registered please come to the front!' called a man on the loudspeaker. 'You have until midnight!'

'There are a lot more people on this world than I first thought.' reflected Kakarot as they walked. 'Destroying this world is going to take a lot more time than I'd thought.'

'Destroying the- what?' said Krillen 'Don't you think you should keep your bad jokes to yourself?'

'It was merely an observation.' said Kakarot.

They scaled up a set of steps and came to a great building with red walls and a green roof. It was labelled: Tenkaichi Tournament. Before the gates was a table with a white cloth and several men sitting at it with a book.

'This where we sign up?' asked Roshi.

'Yes,' said the man 'we just need your name.'

'No,' said Roshi 'it's not me. Its those four.'

'Oh,' said the man 'you mean you want seats.'

'No, no!' said Roshi 'I mean their entering the tournament!'

'You mean the three kids, and the blue haired women who couldn't possible harm a moth?' asked the man.

'Naturally,' said Roshi 'do you see any others?'

'Hey!' called a voice. 'Hey Kakarot!'

Kakarot turned to look where the voice had come from through the crowds. 'Yamcha!' he cried happily, before rushing to meet his friend as Krillin looked on.

'Hey Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'how have you been?'

'Oh you know,' said Kakarot 'fairly good. Master Roshi's training has been pretty intense.' He noticed Yamcha's hair had been cut. 'So whats with the new haircut?'

'Bulma's idea.' said Yamcha 'Supposedly long hair is out this year.'

Krillin tugged his sleeve. 'Whose the tall guy?'

'He's called Yamcha,' said Kakarot 'he was a warrior companion of mine on the quest for the dragonballs, and very dangerous rival. Yamcha, this is Krillen. He is…' Kakarot sought the term. '…a martial artist.' He settled on. 'At least I think he qualifies. We were sort of training partners.'

'Nice to meet you,' said Yamcha 'sorry if Kakarot seems like a jerk. He's always been like that.'

'I noticed.' said Krillen in deadpan.

'Hey Chi Chi!' called Yamcha 'How is going!'

Chi Chi didn't answer, merely glared, and Yamcha blinked. 'Wonder what I did to get her angry at me.' Then he saw Launch. 'You.' His voice lowered.

'Hey I remember you,' said Launch 'your that schmuck I robbed blind!'

'You already know each other?' asked Kakarot, surprised.

'Its a long story,' said Yamcha 'we don't have time for it now.'

Master Roshi then arrived with a sheet of paper. 'Well it's done, you are now part of the tournament.'

It was at this point that Kakarot noticed two other figures. Bulma and Paur had come up to where Yamcha was standing, and Bulma had an ice cream cone. 'Bulma! Puar!' said Kakarot as he approached.

'Looking sharp Kakarot.' said Puar, giving what might have been a thumbs up.

'Oh the outfit, yeah,' said Kakarot 'well I wouldn't fight in it but it has a certain appeal. How have you guys been?'

'Kakarot,' said Bulma with a smile. 'how in the world did you end up at the tournament?'

'Hey there!' said Roshi as he stepped between them.

'Oh its you!' said Bulma 'Hey thanks for telling me you were moving, I stopped by the island to see how Kakarot was doing and your house wasn't there!'

'Well that island is more for loving than training-'

Ca-clink. Went Launch's machine gun.

Roshi blinked, and quickly stepped away.

'Well Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'I guess tonight we'd better hang out together while we still can. Because we're all going to be rivals in the tournament tomorrow.'

'Perfect,' said Kakarot 'I'm looking forward to our fight. Wait, I thought the tournament started tonight.'

'Afraid not kid,' said Bulma 'everyone gets checked in tonight, but it starts in the morning.'

'Well, I can wait.' said Kakarot.

Happy as they were to be reunited with old friends, Kakarot and the others had to get plenty of rest and had little time for catching up. The next day the sun rose again, and they went from the hotel to the place where the elimination round would be held.

There were a lot of people for them to get through. 'Oh, I hate crowds.' said Bulma.

'Are we going to have to fight all these people?' asked Kakarot.

'Why don't you punch one and see.' suggested Krillin.

'Okay,' said Roshi 'why don't you stay close to me, boys. Don't get lost staring.'

The announcer from last night then appeared. 'Would all the applicants registered for the world martial arts tournament please gather in the contest hall?!'

'Loudmouth,' muttered Roshi.

Yet there was one final challenge to be made. 'Now are you absolutely sure you want to enter?' asked a man doubtfully. It was the wrong thing to say, and Launch's gun was pressed to his forehead.

'Listen punk,' said Launch 'we've trained too long for this to put up with this. Now sign us up, or eat a machine gun sandwich, capiche?'

'Yes, yes of course Ms uh…' he paused.

'Launch,' said Launch 'remember it.'

Overall it was a pretty cool way to enter the tournament. They marched to a building with golden lining labeled contest hall, and here Roshi turned to them.

'This is as far as I can escort you.' said Roshi 'So do your best.'

'Understood,' said Kakarot, nodding.

'Now one more thing,' said Roshi, kneeling down and opening a box. 'you obviously can't fight in suits so here!' He brought up a red gi, with the symbol that had been written on the rock on it, surrounded by a circle of gold. There were four of them, one for each.

As Kakarot put on the outfit, he had to admit he felt proud to be wearing it. Whatever his intentions, he had earned the right to wear the symbol of the Turtle School of Martial Arts. 'This is easily the coolest thing I've worn.'

Launch wore hers well, and surprisingly it was quite modest and concealed her curves. 'I was kind of expecting something really skimpy, actually.'

'Sorry to disappoint you, baby.' said Roshi.

'Shut up old man.' said Launch, raising a machine gun, though she meant it kindly.

'Yay,' cheered Chi Chi, jumping for joy. 'papa will be so happy when he sees me.'

'Your fathers coming here?' asked Kakarot in surprise.

'Well of course,' said Chi Chi 'he wouldn't want to miss his little girl fighting in the world martial arts tournament silly. Though I'm surprised he hasn't shown up yet…'

Krillin was the only one concerned. 'Its so bright,' he reflected 'I hope we don't stand out.'

'You look good Kakarot,' called Bulma 'that outfit really suits you.'

Kakarot flashed her a smile as Roshi approached. 'The first roadblock will be the elimination round. Only the eight top fighters from there will move to the actual tournament.'

'Yamcha, Krillin, Chi Chi, Launch, and me.' said Kakarot thoughtfully. 'Alright! We all have a shot at getting in! I'll see you guys in the finals.'

'Just be sure to take this seriously,' said Roshi 'or you might get knocked out. I'll be watching from the crowd, so you won't see me, okay.'

'I understand.' said Kakarot.

'We'll work hard master.' said Krillin.

'This tournament will be a piece of cake.' said Launch.

Chi Chi just bowed. 'Tell me if you see my papa, okay.'

Bulma and Yamcha spoke some ways away. 'Put your gut into it!' said Bulma.

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I've been training way too hard to lose now. And I'll try not to get hurt.'

They then filed into the elimination round, where they found countless fighters preparing and warming up for their matches. They were of every race, size, and stature. They were big, and tall, and black and white, and animal and human. Some glared, others cheered. Kakarot found himself in awe despite himself. 'All these people are fighters then.'

'I'm starting to feel a little sick…' muttered Krillin.

At that moment a gong was sounded and the announcer reappeared. 'Attention! The world martial arts tournament elimination round begins!'

Finally months of intense preparation have paid off. Would their intense training get them through the elimination round? And what of Yamcha? It was a question they would have to wait for.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So yeah, epic foreshadowing much? I added it because not much really happens in this episode. The thing about Dragonball is that it has a much slower pace than Dragonball Z. Instead it takes the time to explore the world, and see new things. This is one of the reasons I prefer Dragonball to Z. Its more fun, and dabbles in other genres.

Interesting fact, originally I was just going to have Roshi buy the suits they wear. However I decided at that last minute that it would be demoting Blue Launch to extra in favor of her blonde counterpart, and I decided to have Blue Launch manage to make them anyway.

Also, I'd just like to apologize for how things are dragging in terms of action. I've tried to keep them interesting with Yamcha's adventures, of course, but that can only go so far. Its just that this is an important part of Kakarot's life. His developing relationship with Krillin, Launch, and Chi Chi can't be skipped over.

Next time we'll finally get to the tournament.


	20. Elimination Round

**Chapter Twenty: Elimination Round**

From all across the world, fighters and fans had gathered to take part in Earth's craziest display of martial arts know how. As a gong was rung, the elimination round began. Unfortunately, Bulma and co were no going to be able to see it.

'No pushing, it makes me nervous!' shouted the announcer. 'I'm sorry, but the audience is not allowed in the elimination round area! It would be a major fire hazard and-'

'Well then how are we supposed to see our friends and boyfriends fighting!' roared Bulma in his ear, causing him to land with a crash.

The announcer raised his loudspeaker to her ear. 'Just close your eyes and pretend you're there!' he roared in return.

Bulma gritted her teeth. This wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

* * *

As the gong run, Kakarot and co looked up to see a judge clad in red come up on the center ring with a microphone. 'Hello, hello, testing one two three. Well, uh, first we'd like to thank each one of you fighters for coming all this way to the tournament. Because of course, if you didn't come, there wouldn't be much of a show to watch.' That got a low chuckle from some in the audience. 'Now if anyone is of a counting nature, you may have noticed that there are one hundred and thirty-seven fighters packed into this hall, representing countries and species from all over the world.'

'I thought there was only one country.' said Kakarot.

'King Furry leaves the regional governments to sort out their own affairs.' said Chi Chi 'Like my papa for instance. The King of the World is kind of like a figurehead for everyone on earth to get behind when they all need to unite.'

'What is the entire world going to unite against?' asked Launch 'An alien invasion?'

'It could happen.' said Kakarot.

Krillen in the meantime was looking around at the towering figures about them in horror. 'One hundred and thirty-seven?' he cried 'And half of them have knee caps taller than I am.'

The giants looked down at Krillin with narrowed eyes, and the young martial artist trembled beneath their gaze. Finally, he looked down at the floor, having lost all hope of winning.

'And unfortunately,' continued the judge. 'out of all the crowds here, only eight will get a chance to fight in the finals. So fight hard in the elimination round, and let's try not to have any whining.'

* * *

Meanwhile Bulma had found a convenient window. Unfortunately, the window was so high up that she couldn't see a thing. She looking for something to pull herself up on and sighed. 'Gee, whats the point of windows if you can't reach them?' She turned to Puar. 'Could you turn into a footstool or something?'

'But I want to see Yamcha fight,' said Puar 'can't we find a box or something.'

'Let's look around a see what there is.' said Bulma.

Quickly looking around, they found some old storage boxes and set them up at the base of the window, before Bulma climbed up to look through. 'I can see,' said Bulma 'I can see inside!' she cheered.

'Now let's see how they do.' said Puar.

* * *

The judge continued:

'Now listen to the rules carefully, because I can't stand repeating myself.' said the Judge. 'You will be divided into four tournament blocks, and the top two from each block will advance to the finals. We'll be playing single elimination. A person loses when they land outside the ring, loses consciousness, or says I give up. But killing your opponent is strictly forbidden. Anyone who does so will be disqualified. And no weapons either. Claws may be used, but only if they're natural.'

'Well, that counts my power pole out of things.' reflected Kakarot sadly.

'Fights that aren't finished in under one minute will be decided by points. Now please move to the boxes and find a number. You can look on the boards to find your place. And please, no trading.'

The groups obeyed one by one.

'Ninety-three for me.' said Krillin 'What did you get?'

'Seventy.' said Kakarot.

'That means you are both in block three.' said Yamcha.

'Oh no!' said Krillin 'That's bad, I don't want to go up against Kakarot again!'

'Relax will you,' said Kakarot 'we're on opposite ends.'

'Whats your number, Yamcha?' asked Kakarot.

'I'm thirty-five,' said Yamcha. 'that's block two.'

'That's good right?' asked Kakarot.

'It's perfect, I didn't want to be put in the same tournament block as you.'

'Ah, so you were scared just like me.' guessed Krillin.

'Don't display your ignorance, Krillin.' said Kakarot. 'We want to face each other in front of the crowds.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'the ring is bigger there and there is no time limit to stop us. I've been waiting for this, Kakarot, so you had better make it through.'

'Count on it.' said Kakarot with a smile.

'Well then,' said Yamcha 'I'll see you in the ring.' And he made his way off to block two.

Launch then came up behind them from where she had been watching. 'Sorry to burst your bubble, Kakarot.' said Blonde Launch 'But there ain't no way you are going to fight Yamcha. I'm number twenty-eight, which means that even if he makes it to the finals, he's going to be knocked out by me in the first round. Count on it.'

'A little overconfident, aren't we?' inquired Kakarot. 'I'd take him seriously if I were you.'

'You know, I've been meaning to ask.' said Krillin 'Do you two have some kind of history?'

'Sort of,' said Launch 'it happened something like this…'

* * *

Launch was fifteen saw the train coming on the horizon. She'd been waiting to rob this thing all day. She would have just shot it down with a rocket launcher, but she'd done that last time. So it was that she drove alongside it, and entered the hatch. As she did so, she spotted a dark haired figure driving off on a vehicle with many bags. At the time she paid it no heed as she entered the car, and fired her machine gun through the ceiling.

'Alright you cows, listen up!' called Launch 'This is a robbery! Now put any valuables and wallets you might have in the bag! Anybody tries to be a hero, and I blow you all to kingdom come!'

They did not look nearly so much terrified as incredulous. Finally, a man stood up. 'Uh… ma'am, this train was already robbed three minutes ago by Yamcha the Desert Bandit. We've got nothing left to give you.'

Launch blinked, before lowering her gun. 'THAT PIG! I'll riddle him so full of bullets that he'll have to check into the afterlife twice! Nobody makes a fool of Launch!' And she leaped off the train, back onto her bike and raced after him.

Drawing her machine gun as she homed in on him, Launch opened fire and he swerved to crash and burn as the bandit and his partner leaped away. The bandits ducked for cover. Launch opened fire with an unyielding hail of bullets until suddenly her gun clicked.

She was out of ammo. The bandit came over the top, a pistol in hand and then froze. His face went race, as his breath came out in short gasps and he fell down. Launch reloaded her gun and prepared to circle round and finish him. Then a breeze kicked up dirt and threw it into Launch's face, and she gasped. 'Ah, ah, achoo!'

When Blonde Launch came to, she found that the valuables were all there scattered across the ground, but the bandit was gone.

* * *

'Ah, that explains it.' said Kakarot 'Well I hate to tell you, but Yamcha has gotten over his paralyzing fear of women. If he hadn't had it then, you would probably be dead. I'd be careful if I were you.'

'You worry too much squirt.' said Launch. 'Now let's get to the ring.'

'How in the world can all of you be so confident?' asked Krillen. 'We're surrounded by about twenty thousand pounds of muscle.'

'Because none of these martial artists were trained by the Turtle Hermit.' said Chi Chi. 'Oh, and I'm in block four, so none of us will have to fight each other until the finals.'

'Excellent,' said Kakarot 'whatever happens the Turtle School will prove the stronger.'

'But guys,' said Krillen 'the old man never taught us to fight! He just gave us dirt to move around!'

'Will you quit whining,' said Kakarot 'finish one fight and then complain!'

'…Right, okay.' said Krillen.

At that moment an announcer came up with a pen and paper. 'Hello everyone, I will be your ref today, so if I could get fighters 69 and seventy into the ring, that would be super.'

'Well, that's me.' said Kakarot, and he scrambled up into the ring.

'Good luck Kakarot,' said Krillen.

Laughter echoed through fighters as he stood up. 'Ohh, watch out!' said his opponent, a fit man with black hair. 'We have a top competitor from the little tyke brigade!'

'I just hope he doesn't make a mess on the fighting room floor.'

Kakarot joined in the laughter. In fact, he laughed loudest of everyone, so that soon they had all fallen silent. Then he smiled. 'Every single one of my opponents bones will be broken by the time I am done with him.' He boasted calmly.

'Wait a minute Kakarot,' said Krillen, who knew his friend well enough to know he wasn't bluffing. 'remember what Master Roshi taught us! We're not supposed to hurt people!'

'Meh,' said Kakarot.

* * *

Yamcha saw the fighters laughing at Kakarot and smiled. 'Kakarot is already up, now I'll finally have the chance to learn what he learned from the crazy old man.' These guys didn't know what they were laughing at. Then he saw Kakarot's smile and realized that they were laughing at Kakarot. They were dead meat unless Yamcha did something.

'Kakarot,' called Yamcha 'don't forget that if you accidentally kill someone you'll be disqualified for sure!'

That seemed to get Kakarot's attention and he looked up with wide, oddly innocent eyes. 'Oh, right, yeah, I completely forgot about that. Alright, I'll go easy on him.'

Yamcha breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

Bulma was watching as well. 'Look, it's Kakarot's turn.' Then she saw his smile. 'Please don't kill anybody kid.' She pleaded.

* * *

Finally, a giant hulk of a man clad in a blue toga came onto the ring. He had muscles on top of muscles, and a large brown mustache and looked around. 'Where is my fighter?!' He boomed, before his eyes fixed on Kakarot. 'What is this? A joke fight? I've fallen on my rump and squashed bugs bigger than you are!'

'Tell me,' said Kakarot 'what would you say your favorite limb is?'

'You have one minute to fight,' said the ref.

'Heh, I just need one second to crush this pest between my thumb and forefinger.'

'Nevermind,' said Kakarot 'I'll guess.'

'Begin.'

The giant rushed Kakarot, who disappeared even as he lunged. The man stared stupidly at the ground beneath his arms. 'I really did crush him.'

'Actually, I'm right here moron.' said Kakarot, before slapping him across the back.

The man was flung out of the ring to crash against the far wall and land hard on the floor, unconscious. The fighter was carried out of the elimination rounds on a stretcher.

Kakarot stared at his competition with utterly cold eyes. 'Would anyone else care to mock me?'

* * *

Bulma watched stunned from the window. 'Well uh… I guess Kakarot will end up in the finals if the way everyone is trembling is any indication. At least he's alive.'

'I really hope Kakarot doesn't win this tournament.' said Puar in a small tone.

* * *

'Number seventy advances.' said the referee.

'…What just happened here?' asked a fighter.

'He just lost his footing and fell over.' said another with false confidence.

'That's what I call humiliating.' said the third finally. 'Beat by a baby.'

'You're next,' said Kakarot as he walked away.

* * *

'That was no accident,' thought Yamcha 'if Kakarot wins this tournament then he may try to skip fighting Gohan. I've got to make sure that doesn't happen.'

For his part, Kakarot landed on the ground next to Krillin, who looked ecstatic. Kakarot did not feel so, after that close call. 'That was amazing Kakarot!'

'You showed that fool who was boss!' said Launch.

'I was almost disqualified.' said Kakarot in a low tone.

'What do you mean?' asked Krillin.

'When I ducked around him,' said Kakarot 'I was going to punch him all out in the back, and really maul him. But then I thought I wanted him to see me doing it, so I slapped him lightly instead. If I hadn't stopped to gloat, he'd be dead and I'd be disqualified. That was too close, we can't use our full powers against these fighters guys.'

'You mean… we have to hold back?' asked Krillin fearfully.

'I'll keep it in mind.' said Launch 'I've got a fight soon, so I've got to go.'

No sooner had Launch left, and a voice rang out: 'What do we have here?'

They looked up and saw two monks in yellow gi's approaching them. 'It's our old punching bag.'

Krillin suddenly looked broken, and terrified. There was none of his usual smarm and snark, and Kakarot didn't like it. 'Erm… hello.'

'It's been a long time since I've seen you Krillin.' said the taller of the two monks. 'When you ran crying out of the Orin Temple.'

Krillin looked down at the ground.

'But look,' said the smaller one. 'his clothes are so pretty.'

'Now surely you aren't trying to fight in the world martial arts tournament.' said the taller one.

'Well yeah, I mean, I was thinking about it…' said Kakarot.

'How horrible,' said the taller one. 'making all these real fighters waste their time on you.'

'Have you forgotten what we taught you? That runts are always runts!'

'No, I remember.' This was pathetic. Krillen was just letting them walk all over him.

'How sad,' he said 'he's number ninety-three. Would you like to know who your opponents gonna be?'

Krillen looked up fearfully.

'Your looking at him!' boasted the monk.

For reasons beyond Kakarot's comprehension, Krillin looked afraid.

'Just like old times, huh?' asked the smaller one.

'I would smash every bone in your worthless hides.' said Kakarot in a low tone. 'But I think I'll leave that to Krillen.'

The monks heard his words, spoken scarcely above a whisper. Suddenly a bit of fear crossed their eyes, fear at something they neither understood nor comprehended. Then their bluster returned, and the tall one slapped Krillen across the head. 'Just try not to be too hard on me, Krillen.' Then they turned and walked away, laughing scornfully.

'Those fools are pathetic,' snapped Kakarot 'they hide behind their delusions of grandeur to disguise their lack of ambition. Why let them speak to you like that, you could crush every one of them with a finger!'

'Because everything they say about me is right!' said Krillen 'They have known me longer than anyone! They know the truth! Maybe… I should drop out-'

'Stop it!' snarled Kakarot 'I will no longer tolerate your senseless wailing! Ever since I've met you you've been acting smug one minute, and then whining more than Bulma when things get rough! Every waking minute of every waking day for the last eight months you've been complaining without end! And that's not even going into the time you stole Chi Chi's meal stone, puffer fish or not!' Krillen stepped backward, eyes wide and shaking as Kakarot advanced on him in a fury. 'Do you know why I put up with it Krillen? Do you know the sole and single reason I was willing to tolerate your endless pathetic mewling?!'

'I… I…'

Kakarot hugged him. 'You. Didn't. Quit.'

'What?' said Krillen.

'Oh don't give me that uncomprehending look Krillen.' said Kakarot, pulling away to look him in the eyes while gripping him on the shoulders. 'You could have backed and gone back home in defeat at any time. No one would have stopped you, least of all me. You didn't even have to admit defeat to do it, you could have dismissed Roshi as a crank and looked for easier training, Kami knows it's what those guys would have done. Even I considered it at several points.

But you didn't! You pressed on, through all the menial labor, and pathetic drudgery and became stronger for it! Maybe what they said about you was right, maybe you were pathetic, maybe you were nothing more than a punching bag who ran crying out of Orin Temple! I find it entirely in keeping with what I know of you! **But you aren't the same person that you were back then!'**

'What do you mean?' said Krillen. 'I'm nowhere near as strong-'

'No,' said Kakarot, raising a hand for silence. 'I'm not going to waste any more of our time by explaining something you should have figured out by now for yourself. Now get up there, and crush that smug fool!'

'Right,' said Krillen, taking heart. 'thanks, Kakarot.'

Kakarot sighed as Krillen moved off. Then he caught Chi Chi and Launch looking at him proudly. 'What? What?!'

'Nothing,' Chi Chi said with a knowing smile.

* * *

Bulma and Puar, in the meantime, were getting ice cream together. They had taken a break from watching fighting and now were hanging about.

'So I wonder where Master Roshi has gone, you guys.' said Puar 'He's been gone for quite a while.'

'Hmph,' said Bulma 'that old creep is probably hanging out by the ladies restroom. I'm more concerned about getting to see that elimination round.'

* * *

Another fighter went down, and a ref looked at his list. 'Gee, we're really making progress here, aren't we? Well let's get fighters number ninety-three and ninety-four in the ring please.'

'Alright, that's me.' said Krillen.

'Show these fools what you are made of.' said Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Launch 'they ain't got nothing on you.'

As Krillen clambered up, one of the monks turned to the other. 'I have to admit, I'm kind of jealous that you get to be in the ring with him.' he said.

'Don't worry,' said the tall one. 'I'll give him a good slap for you.'

Krillen stood still, fighting off his doubts as he made his way forward. His enemy was chuckling, relishing his suspense and Krillin thought about everything Kakarot said. And suddenly he was very angry indeed.

He said nothing as they stood across from each other, the referee between them.

'You didn't run away this time,' said the monk. 'I can't say that's a healthy move, but at least your less of a chicken!'

Suddenly Krillen became very calm. Kakarot was right. 'I'm not the same kid you bullied in Orin Temple.' he said.

'You'll always be a runt,' said the monk 'and right now I'm gonna prove it to you.'

'Begin!' said the announcer.

'Which bone should I break first?' asked the monk,

Then he lunged with a swift punch. Yet Krillen leaped over him with ease, then landed on the far side of the ring before surging after him and striking the monk in the back. The monk was sent flying across the room to crash through the wall, leaving a giant hole in its place.

* * *

Bulma and Puar were making their way back to their perch when quite abruptly a yellow clad monk shot past her to land with a crash against the masonry behind them. There was now a human shaped mark in the wall.

'…I wonder who did that?' wondered Bulma.

'I'll bet it was Yamcha.' said Puar. 'Hey look, there is a hole in the wall!'

'We can watch through there!' said Bulma, before rushing up to look through it.

* * *

Utter silence engulfed the room as man and animal alike stared at the hole in the wall and the nearly thirteen-year-old boy who made it. Finally, the ref spoke: 'Well I'd say ninety-three is the winner.'

Krillen stepped off the ring in a daze, looking at his hands.

'See,' said Kakarot 'there is a method to Roshi's madness. Let's see those fools dismiss you now.' He paused. 'Hey if you want we could go gloat to them about how pathetic they are?'

'Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'two wrongs don't make a right.'

'Yeah, well I'm pretty sure good and evil are subjective moral concepts,' said Kakarot 'and I say that totally humiliating those idiots is the right thing to do.'

'Actually, I'm with Kakarot on this.' said Blonde Launch. 'What do ya say Krillen?'

'No,' said Krillen 'because by that standard them mocking me would have been right too, ya know. Let's just leave things as they are.'

So it was that they did not gloat to their defeated enemy.

'Look,' said Bulma from the hole Krillen had made in the wall. 'Yamcha's about to fight! Yay, go get em Yamcha!'

Yamcha stood facing down a massive man with a huge mohawk. He was dressed in a white gi, with a red symbol on it, and his face was frowning. A gong sounded to mark the beginning of the match, and as one, both took a stance. 'Ah ha,' said the man 'I'll give you a freebie. Just try and hurt me!'

Yamcha surged up, took him by the shoulder and kicked him in the face, sending him to the mat with a crash. The mat shuddered from the force of it as Yamcha landed, and smiled. 'Hows that?' he asked.

'Knock out!' called the ref. 'Number 35 advances.'

'Yamcha is really doing well,' said Kakarot 'the path to the finals is all but clear.'

'Yeah!' said Krillen.

For his next fight, Kakarot knocked out his opponent with a single kick to the chin.

'Number seventy wins!' said the ref.

Krillen next faced his opponent down with mutual stances as the round began.

'Nice posture,' said Kakarot.

'Thanks,' said Krillen, looking away.

At that moment his opponent kicked him in the head to knock him into the air, slammed him down and began to slam him repeatedly into the floor with many war cries. Panting the man stopped, as Krillen groaned.

'Krillen, get up.' said Kakarot 'We know you're faking.'

'What are the chances he'll live through that.' said a fighter.

'Not too likely.' said the other.

Then Krillen stood on his feet and stuck his tongue out. 'Hah, nice try sucker!' Then he turned away. 'Now what kind of counterattack should I use?'

'How did you… that was my famous dragon stomp!'

'Right, okay!' said Krillen, before turning to him.

'Okay! Okay, I give up! I give up now!' cried the martial artist in fear.

This seemed to take Krillen by surprise. 'That was easy.'

There was a commotion some ways away. Kakarot turned to see that Yamcha had defeated the other monk with a single punch. He took some satisfaction from that.

Then came the first match Launch fought. She left behind her a pile of heavy weaponry as she stepped into the ring, and was facing off against a woman with violet hair, clad in green shorts and a blue shirt. For a moment the two faced each other, as the ref stepped up.

'Who is the violet haired women?' asked Kakarot.

'Her name is Ranfan.' said Yamcha behind him. 'Supposedly she's a pretty good martial artist, but I hear rumors that she has a pretty underhanded way of winning big matches.'

'Well what is it?' asked Kakarot.

'No idea,' said Yamcha 'supposedly it only works against guys.'

'Begin.' said the ref.

Launch surged forward and met Ranfan in a flurry of blows that waged back and forth across the mat, with Launch clearly the superior, dealing multiple successful strikes. Then suddenly they separated as Launch dealt Ranfan a vicious blow to the gut.

Launch halted. 'Ready to give up yet you… ah, ah, not now! ACHOO!'

At that moment her blue self took charge, looking very confused. 'Oh, I appear to be in a match, I uh…'

At that moment Ranfan started sobbing uncontrollably and Launch flinched. The blue haired women quickly kneeled down by her. 'I'm sorry, whatever my other self did to you it wasn't supposed-'

Then Ranfan kicked her in the face and sent her reeling back, before initiating an onslaught of strikes. Blue Launch dodged them on reflex but was driven back to the edge of the mat before suddenly sneezing. Ranfan lunged for a finishing blow. Suddenly Ranfan's hand was caught by Launch, whose eyes were veiled in shadow. As she looked up her gaze seemed to glow red. Suddenly Ranfan looked very afraid.

'Careful with those crocodile tears,' said Launch 'or you might get thrown to the gators!' Then she kneed Ranfan in the gut. The force of the blow was such that the wind was knocked out of the woman before she could scream. Launch let her go, and Ranfan fell forward and slumped unconscious as the blonde cracked her knuckles.

'Number twenty-eight wins.' said the announcer.

'Easy as robbing a bank!' she said, before leaping out of the ring. 'The finals had better be harder than this, let me tell ya.'

As their victory became more and more secure, Yamcha faced off against a bald martial artist clad in black. The martial artist surged forward but was knocked clean out by a single rapid punch. On and on it went, knock out after knock out, until the elimination came down to the final deciding bouts.

'Whoever wins this bout will be the first in ring two to advance to the finals!' called the ref as the fighters clustered around. Most of them were already knocked out but stuck around to see who would win.

'Fighters thirty-five and forty please take your positions.' said the ref.

Yamcha stepped onto the stage, alongside a humanoid wolf, clad in a green vest and black sweatshirts with a red sash. The two faced each other down there and then. Kakarot watched eagerly. The wolf would have had to be a pretty formidable martial artist to make it this far. 'Take him out Yamcha!' he called.

Yamcha took a stance. 'It's wolf fang fist time.'

'You humans come up with the wildest names to make your moves sound tough.' said the wolf. 'But I'll show you how the real wolf attacks!' Then he took a stance as well, his eyes glowing yellow.

The wolf charged forward with a howl, but Yamcha leaped over him and came at him from behind. The wolf turned, but Yamcha passed him before he could take any action. For a moment they stood where they were. Then the wolf fell forward to land with a crash, and Yamcha looked up and smiled with a gleam.

A cheer broke out throughout the room, and Kakarot caught Bulma cheering as well. Despite himself, Kakarot smiled. His friend was a very lucky man. Of course, Kakarot fully intended to break them up at some point, but that could wait.

'And that's a wrap!' said the ref. 'Thirty-five has just earned a spot in the big show!'

'Yamcha is far stronger than the last time I saw him.' reflected Kakarot. 'And he isn't even going all out yet.'

'You serious Kakarot?' asked Krillin, in awe.

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'we fought once and were just about evenly matched. I saw him going all out then, and this is nothing like that. That wolf moved faster than just about everyone else except us, and Yamcha blitzed him in seconds.' He glanced to Launch. 'You'd better take him seriously.'

'Yeah,' said Launch 'well if he doesn't put up a fight I'm gonna be disappointed.'

Kakarot moved off to meet up with Yamcha. 'Nice work on that wolf.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'cool move right.'

'I know from personal experience.' said Kakarot 'So yes.'

'We are in the final stretch you guys,' said a ref. 'fighters number seventy and seventy-three please come forward. Winner of this match will go on to the tournament. How exciting.'

'Well one more before the finals I guess.' said Kakarot.

'Go get em.' said Yamcha.

Kakarot made his way and climbed into the ring. The man he was facing was a mustached man, clad in a light purple shirt, and black pants. He looked at Kakarot seriously.

'Kakarot,' said Krillin 'throw him from the ring.'

'Sounds entertaining,' said Kakarot, before opening himself up to all strikes. 'I'll give you the first strike.'

The man surged forward and lunged at him. Yet Kakarot disappeared as he leaped into the air, before surging down upon him. The martial artist moved away just in time and brought round his leg in a roundhouse kick. Yet Kakarot ducked under it, knocked him down and gripped him by the leg.

'Where is your technique?' asked the man.

Kakarot threw him out of the ring without a word.

'Out of the ring, seventy advances!' said the ref.

Kakarot leaped out of the ring and landed with a smile.

'Nice moves,' said Yamcha, looking a little concerned.

'Thanks,' said Kakarot.

'Now for the final match of the ring 3 finals.' said the ref. One of the numbers he called out was Krillen's though Kakarot missed the other.

'Take care of the next one,' said Kakarot 'and we'll both be in the finals.'

His opponent was a giant beast man with great claws. He surged forward and tried to grip Krillin, who dodged and leaped over his shoulder with ease. Then as his enemy turned around to face him, Krillin launched himself into the air and kicked him in the forehead. His enemy landed with a crash, and literally raised a white flag.

'Make the pain stop…'

'Fighter ninety-seven surrenders!' said the ref. 'That means ninety is on to the finals.'

'We did it Kakarot!' cried Krillin 'We're going to the tournament!'

'Well obviously.'

Yamcha looked as things went on and leaned against the ring in thought. 'Krillen is a pretty good fighter too. This is going to be a long day.'

'Hey Yamcha,' said Kakarot 'I just realized something. I don't think any of us have seen Chi Chi fight yet.'

'Well here final match is about to go on over there.' said Yamcha 'Want to see?'

'Sure,' said Kakarot 'why not.'

They smelled one of the fighters long before they saw him. The stench was horrific and pained the senses as they made their way to the front and saw a giant with only a few yellow teeth leering down at Chi Chi, who stood without her helmet. Her dark hair was flowing around her as she took a stance.

'Who the hell is this guy?' asked Kakarot, clutching his nose.

'That's Bacterian,' said Yamcha 'supposedly he defeats his enemies with his overpowering smell.'

'That's disgusting,' said Kakarot 'if I have to face him in the finals, I'll kill him myself.'

'You'd be disqualified for sure.' said Yamcha, though he didn't seem to object per se.

'It'd be worth it just to plaster his reeking guts across the ring.' said Kakarot.

'Begin.' said the ref.

'You should be ashamed of yourself!' said Chi Chi and Bacterian flinched at her tone. 'A grown man coming to fight in the world martial arts tournament in nothing but his underwear!' Bacterian took a step back as Chi Chi advanced on him. 'Honestly, its as if you have absolutely no idea about social graces at all! What would your mother say if she saw you now?!' Bacterian looked down at the ground in shame. 'And you never did call or write since you became a martial artists did you?'

The giants lip quivered slightly, and then Bacterian began to cry, and sob uncontrollably as he bawled. Everyone watched as Chi Chi loomed over him. 'Now, get out of the ring, take a bath, get your life together and become a productive member of society.'

Bacterian nodded and fled sniffling out of the room.

'Geez,' said Yamcha 'I almost feel sorry for him now.'

'I don't,' said Kakarot 'juvenile tactics like that have absolutely no place in the ring.'

'Still,' said Yamcha 'Chi Chi can be scary when she wants to be.'

Launch made it into the finals shortly thereafter, though unfortunately, Kakarot missed it, much to his disappointment. 'So how was the match anyway?' asked Kakarot.

'Boring,' said Launch 'my last guy wasn't worth much. The best I ran into was Ranfan.'

The rest of the group breathed a sigh of relief. They had been observing everything and were now glad that this stage was over.

'So they're all getting into the finals.' said Bulma.

'Yay!' said Puar 'I'm so happy right now!'

'I'm happy as well.' said Master Roshi.

They turned and glanced at him. 'Where did you run off to?' asked Bulma in suspicion.

'Oh, I've been around.' said Roshi, his sunglasses gleaming.

So it was that our heroes all made their way into the tournament. Yet within the finals, the enemies would be tougher, the stakes would be higher. And the question remained: Who would be the finalists, and who would take home the prize?

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering the finals. As you can see, I dispensed somewhat unceremoniously with the sillier fighters of the tournament. I kind of regret that I couldn't bring Nam into this chapter, but there wasn't much time.

As of today, by the way, I am setting up a poll in my profile that takes guesses as to who will win the tournament. Keep in mind, I'm not changing the outcome based on the guesses, I just want to see who people expect to win. It may be the obvious choice, but then it may not.

Ordinarily, I'd post polls asking who you expect to win each individual match, but since I post on a daily basis there is no time for the results to be collected before they would be replaced. I guess there is a downside to punctuality.

See you next time on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!


	21. The Ox Princess Vs the Noseless Monk

**Chapter 21: The Ox Princess Vs the Noseless Monk**

The crowds clustered around outside of the tournament grounds, waiting for the matches to finally begin. They were packed tight and thick, and one could hardly move an inch without bumping into someone. Amidst the chaos of the crowds, Chi Chi had yet to see any sign of Master Roshi or her Father. That worried her.

'Excuse us please!' said Chi Chi.

'Coming on through!' said Krillen behind her.

Kakarot had not gone with them, instead breaking off on some errand of his own. Launch hadn't come along at all, and now they were missing her. For almost everyone in the crowd was far taller than them. 'I don't think we're going to find Master Roshi here,' said Krillen 'not when all we can see are peoples pant legs.'

Seeing a particularly tall man, Chi Chi tugged on his pant leg and he looked down. 'Hello sir, can you help us please, I need to see above the crowd.'

From a new vantage point on the man's shoulder, Chi Chi scanned the surroundings for any sign of her master. Then she saw something. 'Hey! I found him Krillen.'

'Roshi!' said Bulma in a chiding tone. 'Where have you been all this time?'

'Oh, uh…' Roshi looked up. 'This place is like a cattle herd, I just went to the restroom, and the line was a mile long.'

'Well while you were out there, Yamcha made it to the finals.' said Puar proudly.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'and your students made it too.'

'Yes,' said Roshi, voice contemplative. 'from what I heard they just breezed through their matches. But I suspect the finals will be different.' He glanced back to them. 'I got you something, Bulma.'

'Huh?' asked Bulma.

Roshi drew out an orange shirt with red lettering on it. 'I saw this shirt in the gift shop, and it just screamed your name.'

'You… bought me that?' asked Bulma in a surprised tone.

'Just consider it a token of friendship.' said Roshi.

Bulma took the shirt. 'Wow, that's so sweet.'

He then drew out a key chain. 'I also got you this golden souvenir key chain too.'

Bulma took that as well. 'Oh wow, thank you! I didn't know you could be so nice.' Inwardly she wondered what he was playing at.

'Now could you do a nice man a favor,' said Roshi 'as a friend-'

Bulma narrowed her eyes. 'Don't push your luck old man.'

'…Nevermind,' said Roshi.

'Hey Bulma!' came a call.

Bulma looked up and saw Kakarot running towards them, with Chi Chi and Krillen coming up behind. 'Kakarot, we were cheering the entire time!' she said.

'Thanks,' said Kakarot 'I saw you at the window actually. It means a lot.'

'Well done boys,' said Roshi 'well done.'

'Thank you.' said Kakarot.

'It was just like a dream.' said Krillen 'But I knew we were going to win the whole time of course.'

'No you didn't.' said Kakarot incredulously. 'I had to make an inspiring speech just to convince you not to forfeit, and you owe me for that by the way. Honestly, I should have just let you drop out and get rid of one more dangerous opponent.'

'Just let me have this, will ya?' said Krillen with narrowed eyes.

'Fine.' said Kakarot.

'Have any of you seen my papa?' asked Chi Chi 'He should have been here by now.'

'Sorry kid, no.' said Bulma 'I'm sure he'll be here though.'

'The world martial arts tournament will soon begin! If you are one of the eight finalists, please meet in the main hall at one!' said the Announcer. 'Thank you!'

'Well you guys had better run along then.' said Bulma with a smile.

'Yes, yes, I'm already on it.' said Kakarot, before leaping over the wall, followed by Krillen and Chi Chi.

'Kakarot never ceases to amaze me.' said Bulma.

'Hey, where is Master Roshi?' asked Puar.

'I swear there is something wrong with his head.' reflected Bulma as she scanned the crowds for Roshi in vain.

* * *

No sooner had Yamcha entered the main hall when he saw a familiar face and ran for him. 'Nam! Over here!'

Nam was standing with his eyes closed in concentration. The turbaned man opened his eyes and stood up. 'Yamcha, it has been eight months since last we spoke. I see you too have made it to the finals.' He offered his hand.

'It's been a long time since we last fought you are right.' said Yamcha, shaking it. 'I'm looking forward to our rematch. Unless… did that whole thing with the drought work out?' He trailed off and knew the answer by Nam's expression.

'Alas no,' said Nam 'almost all our water has now evaporated. We are on the brink of starvation. My village gave me the last of our funds so that I could reach this tournament. I must win it so that I may get the prize money and purchase enough water for us to live on.'

'Oh,' said Yamcha, feeling suddenly ashamed of his own reason to enter the tournament. 'we, l then you don't have to worry about me as a rival. If it comes down to a fight between us, we'll give the crowds a show and then I'll throw the fight.'

Nam blinked in shock. 'You would do that for me?'

'Hey, I'm just entering the tournament to get a place in the history books.' said Yamcha 'And because I've always wanted to compete in one of these. The way I see it you've got the more worthy cause. Just remember that it might not even come down to us fighting.'

'Yes,' said Nam 'there are six other competitors. It is possible that one of us may be knocked out before we can fight.'

'Well let's just try and make sure that doesn't happen.' said Yamcha. 'One sec, I've got a friend I need to greet.' He turned and rushed to meet Kakarot as he entered the room alongside Chi Chi and Krillen. Chi Chi at once began glaring daggers at Yamcha, who had become used to it by now. 'So did you see Bulma and Puar?'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'they say hello.'

Krillen in the meantime made his way over to where Nam was apparently praying to whatever deity he worshiped. The bald boy looked perplexed at the sight, holding the man in a certain awe.

Yamcha glanced to where Launch was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed as she stood where she was, face in a perpetual scowl. A martial artist with poofy gray hair, and a long white beard approached her, clad in black. 'Hmm, so you are one of the fighters hmm? Well, that means we have something in common, heh heh heh.'

'Back off you old creep,' said Launch 'unless you want to enter the ring full of holes.' And she drew out a heavy machine gun and put it to his forehead.

'…You know,' said Kakarot 'one of these days she is going to have to tell me where she hides all of those.' He paused. 'Hey is there a particular reason that Master Roshi is wearing a wig?'

Everyone looked around, perplexed. 'Where?' asked Krillin 'I don't see him.'

'Now that you mention it,' said Yamcha 'that old guy does bear a certain resemblance to Master Roshi.'

'What are you talking about Kakarot?' asked Krillin. 'I don't see this guy anywhere.'

'Nevermind,' said Kakarot 'I don't really care anyway.'

Chi Chi said nothing. She was too busy glaring at Yamcha, and the former bandit felt a chill creep down his spine at the hatred in her gaze.

A blonde man with slicked back hair and sunglasses, clad in a suit with a red tie and pink shirt came into the room. Under one arm was a set of files. 'Now can I have your attention please,' he said 'I need you all here at the front.'

The group quickly assembled before him, ready for anything. He made his way over to a chart that showed the way the tournament would progress. 'You'll be drawing lots to determine the order of who will fight. So come up when you're called.'

'Huh,' said Kakarot 'so I guess Yamcha might not fight Launch after all.'

'No, it's happening.' said Launch 'I can feel it.'

'Let's keep this orderly and civilized people,' said the man.

Master Roshi approached the announcer. 'Hey, sonny.'

'Yes?' asked the announcer.

'Why don't you be a pal, and put me in the ring with her?' asked the man, pointing to Launch.

'I don't take requests!' snapped the man.

'Young people are so unreasonable.' reflected Master Roshi.

The first fighter came forward, and the man looked at his list. 'So your name is… Nam?'

'Nam.' repeated Nam. He moved forward and fished around in the box. Removing his number he looked at it. 'A 5.'

The announcer approached the chart. 'Let's see, I guess that puts you in fight number 3.' He turned back to them. 'Now, monster beast Giran?' Giran stepped forward and drew his number, before giving it to the announcer, who turned and scratched in his place with a marker. 'You drew number eight, so that means the fourth fight. Chi Chi?'

'I'm here,' said Chi Chi, running forward. She had to stand on her tip toes to reach into the box, and as she removed her number she read it aloud. 'I'm number one, hooray!'

'Right,' said the announcer with a smile. 'I guess that means you are in the first fight. Yamcha?'

Yamcha stepped forward. 'Yeah?' He drew his number and handed it in without a word.

'Number three,' said the announcer 'that's fight two.'

'Where is Krillen?' asked the announcer.

'Here.' said Krillen, stepping forward. Fishing around in the box, he pulled out a number. 'I got one!' He raised it aloft.

'Number two,' said the announcer 'I guess that puts you in fight 1 against Chi Chi.' He looked back to his clipboard. 'Now… uh… Kakarotto is it?'

'It's pronounced Kakarot.' said Kakarot in annoyance.

'Right, sorry.' said the announcer. 'Kakarot.' Kakarot moved forward and reached into the box, drawing out his number, and showing it to the announcer. 'Well, you've drawn number six. That's the third fight against Nam.'

'Aw darnit,' said Master Roshi 'that means there is no way I'm getting to fight the lady.'

'Why do you keep pretending as though you don't know us?' inquired Kakarot.

'I don't know you.' said Master Roshi.

'…Have it your way.' said Kakarot, not caring enough to press the issue.

'Launch, you are number four. You're going up against Yamcha in the second round.'

'Alright!' said Launch 'Now maybe I'll get a decent fight!'

'Jackie Chun,' said the announcer 'you'll be going up against Monster Beast Giran.'

'…So who is this Jackie Chun person, exactly?' asked Kakarot.

'That's me,' said Master Roshi.

'Okay, so you entered the tournament under an alias.' said Kakarot 'Why?'

'What makes you think he's using an alias?' asked Krillen. 'Do you know this guy.'

'He does seem kind of familiar.' said Chi Chi.

'That's because he's Master Roshi wearing a stupid wig!' said Kakarot in frustration. 'Launch, will you please back me up here?'

'I don't know what you're talking about Kakarot.' said Launch 'He looks completely different.'

'Well it looks like you are outvoted.' said Jackie Chun in irritation. 'So I am Jackie Chun!'

'Ahem,' said the announcer 'this will be single elimination in a full regulation sized arena. You lose if you fall outside of the ring, stay down for ten counts, or give up. But poking in the eyes, or hitting in the private parts is not allowed. Everyone understand?'

'Yeah, pretty much.' said Kakarot.

'Okay everyone,' said the announcer 'then just stay here and I'll come back when it's time.'

'One more thing,' said Kakarot 'is there anywhere we can get lunch around here?'

'Don't you think its a bad idea to eat a meal right before your fight?' asked the announcer. 'You might get cramps that way.'

'Is there a kitchen or not?' asked Kakarot, not to be denied.

'Uh…' the announcer paused, before glancing to a monk with a smile. 'well I'm sure we can round up something, don't you think?'

'But of course.' said the monk. 'Follow me.'

'Are any of you guys coming?' asked Kakarot of the others.

'I'm a bit nervous, so no.' said Krillen.

Kakarot feasted alone and took full advantage of the buffet by devouring massive amounts of food. When he had finished, he walked back to catch the fight as it happened. The announcer had made his way into the ring, and the crowds had flocked to surround the ring. 'Now ladies and gentlemen, are you ready?!' Cheers broke out. 'That's right people, it's time for the twenty fourth world martial arts tournament!' The cheers came ever louder. 'Okay, and here are the first match ups for the tournaments first round!

First match: Chi Chi the Ox Princess, Vs Krillen!

Second match: Yamcha Vs Launch!

Third match: Nam Vs Kakarot!

And match four: Jackie Chun Vs Giran!'

'I still don't understand why he is he calling himself Jackie Chun?' said Kakarot.

'Are you still on about that?' asked Krillen.

'The first match between Chi Chi and Krillen will begin momentarily, so don't go to the lemonade stand! Before we get things fired up, let me remind you that this year's winner will receive a prize of 500,000 zeni!' The announcer paused. 'With that done, let's welcome the esteemed director of this tournament who has a few words of wisdom to start this baby off.' He yielded to the approach of a black dog, in an orange robe. He was truly ancient so that his face was drooping and his eyes were filled with wisdom. The announcer offered him the mike. 'Please, go ahead sir.'

The dog cleared his throat, and the crowds stared. What pearls of wisdom would he dispense? What terrible and wonderful secrets would this master reveal to them? Their attention was suddenly upon him, indeed, everywhere in the universe went still as all ears listened carefully. All the lights seemed to go out everywhere across the cosmos, leaving only the dog as a source of order. The old master looked around with weary and all knowing eyes. Even Kakarot peered forward, his pride and wrath forgotten as he awaited with bated breath the coming words.

And they were spoken:

'Woof!'

Silence. Utter silence. Had they but known it, that singular word set in motion a chain of events which led to the salvation of entire galaxies. However, that is a tale for another day. For now, everyone had no idea what to think.

'Isn't that profound!' said the announcer.

Everyone in the entire crowd fell over with a crash, as the announcer took back his mike. 'And now the first match of the tournament!' He turned to the hall. 'Would the contestants please come down?!'

Krillen and Chi Chi came out into the ring and took positions facing each other, clad in matching red gi. Chi Chi's hair was untied, and flowing around her and she looked quite cheerful. Krillen looked quite confident and stretched himself out. 'Well Chi Chi, it looks like only one of us is going to be able to make it into the second round. Just so you know, I'm not going to hold back.'

Chi Chi giggled. 'Don't be silly, Krillen. I'm going to throw you out of the ring.'

'The boy in the red outfit is Krillen,' said the announcer 'while the dark haired girl in a matching garment is Chi Chi.'

* * *

'Looks like we got here just in time.' reflected Puar from the sidelines.

'This looks like it's going to be good,' said Bulma 'who do you think will win?'

* * *

'Chi Chi,' said Yamcha 'Chi Chi is going to win.'

'What makes you so confident?' asked Kakarot.

'Know something we don't?' asked Launch.

'The first time I met Chi Chi,' said Yamcha 'she beheaded a T-rex.'

'I didn't see a body.' said Kakarot.

'That's because she vaporized it.' said Yamcha.

'…Yeah,' said Kakarot 'you're probably right.' Then he pulled himself over the wall and looked down. 'Hey Krillen, we're convinced that you don't stand a chance! Care to prove us wrong!'

* * *

Krillen looked up in annoyance. He should have known Kakarot being nice was too good to last. 'Your confidence in me remains a source of heartfelt inspiration, Kakarot.'

'Good to know.' said Kakarot. 'I'll be up here watching you lose.'

'Give me a break,' muttered Krillen 'Chi Chi couldn't hurt a fly, let alone knock me out of the ring. They must think I'm pretty weak to think…'

'Okay guys,' said the announcer 'let's try to keep this nice and clean. Now let's get those punches flying!'

A gong was sounded, marking the start of the match.

Chi Chi rushed him. The speed was enormous, and Krillen stepped aside, narrowly avoiding her punch. Yet she swiftly turned around and unleashed a flurry of punches that Krillen narrowly parried. Ducking low, Chi Chi kicked Krillen's feet out from under him, sending him crashing to the ground, before leaping high into the air and coming down with a full body slam.

She stood up as the crowd stared in shock.

'Unbelievable!' cried the Announcer 'The Ox Princess has just proven that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree with a spectacular series of blows that seem to have knocked Krillen right out.

'So uh… Mr Announcer,' said Chi Chi 'aren't you supposed to count at this point?'

'…Oh right,' said the announcer. 'one, two, three…'

Krillen got back up slowly, teeth gritted. 'That was a pretty dirty move Chi Chi, taking me by surprise like that.'

'It's your own fault for being overconfident,' said Chi Chi 'I took the same training you did, remember?'

'Right, right,' said Krillen, before charging her.

Chi Chi charged back, and they engaged in a back and forth series of blows across the ring. Krillen swung a high kick that Chi Chi ducked under, before dealing a jab to his gut. Krillen reeled back, doubled over, before stepping away from an onslaught of punches by Chi Chi which drove him steadily back towards the edge of the ring.

'Amazing, Krillen and Chi Chi are going at it at speeds we can scarcely follow!' said Mr Announcer 'And so far Krillen hasn't managed to land a single hit on the young Princess! It seems our boy wonder is somewhat outmatched!'

Then, just as he reached the edge, Krillen vaulted over Chi Chi's shoulder and kicked her in the back. The Ox Princess stepped forward, inches away from tumbling over the edge, and Krillen went in for a finishing blow. Yet Chi Chi backflipped over him, high into the air to bounce off the wall of the ring and rush at Krillen.

Krillen surged forward to meet her halfway, and their fists slammed each other head on. Both landed with a crash on the ground, and all was silent.

'Wow,' said Mr Announcer 'it looks as if both of them are out cold.'

Then Chi Chi began to pull herself up, followed by Krillen and they faced each other head on, breathing heavily. 'Wow Krillen,' said Chi Chi 'you are a lot faster and stronger than the last time we competed.'

'I know,' said Krillen with a smile. 'so are you. All this training was really worth it huh?'

'Will you two just shut up and fight!' called Kakarot. 'Nobody came here to see you two acknowledge each other as worthy opponents.'

'Aw put a cork in it will ya Kakarot!' snapped Launch. 'They're having a moment.'

'No he's right,' said Chi Chi 'we probably should get back to the fight.'

'Right,' said Krillen.

The two of them took stances and faced each other down, waiting for the other to make the first move. After a moment they began to circle one another, waiting for any sign of the others weakness.

'Well folks,' said Mr Announcer 'it looks like our two rivals are circling each other and waiting for the other to slip up. But will it be Krillen, or Chi Chi who makes the fatal first step.'

Chi Chi glanced up. 'Fatal?' she asked in surprise.

'Heh, uh…' Mr Announcer said, wiping some sweat from his face with a pocket cloth. 'Not literally of course. What I meant to say-'

'You're wide open!' said Krillen in triumph, surging forward with a full speed kick. Chi Chi looked up just in time to take a boot to the face and go tumbling head over heels to land near the edge of the ring. 'Hey announcer guy, start the count will ya.'

'Right,' said Mr Announcer 'one, two, three, four,'

* * *

Kakarot held his breath from the sidelines. 'Come on Chi Chi…'

* * *

'five, six, seven…'

Chi Chi rose to her feet unsteadily, however before she was done Krillen charged her again. 'Oh no you don't!' said Krillen 'I'm ending this here!'

He punched at her, but Chi Chi ducked under it, before grabbing him by the arm and using his own momentum to be thrown out of the ring. Krillen saw what was about to happen long before it did, and tried to regain his balance. Yet it was too late and he cried out as he landed against the reinforced wall with a crash.

There was silence from the crowds. Then they broke into universal cheering, and the sound of it echoed throughout the island. 'Chi Chi wins by ring out! Amazing!' said Mr Announcer 'It's just the first fight in the finals, and we've already seen some breathtaking moves! It looks like we're in for one heck of a tournament this year folks!'

Krillen pulled himself up and climbed back into the ring as the cheers went on. 'Y'know Chi Chi, that throw was really something.'

'You think so?' asked Chi Chi, beaming. 'I learned it from my papa. You fought really well Krillen.'

'Thanks,' said Krillen, returning the smile. 'you too.'

They made their way out of the ring, talking about the fight as though they had just been watching it together, rather than combatants fighting for glory. They passed through the gates and found Launch, Yamcha, and Kakarot waiting. 'That was one heck of a match you guys.' said Yamcha.

'Thanks,' said Krillen.

Chi Chi opened her mouth to speak, then remembered she was still angry at Yamcha and marched off in a huff. Kakarot watched her go. 'So yeah,' he said at last. 'as far as matches go it wasn't exactly sub par. I suppose you are at the least infinitely superior to the average person in the crowd. But that's not saying much, is it?'

'Nice to know you've always got my back, Kakarot.' said Krillen in annoyance.

'Don't listen to him, kid.' said Launch 'You did great.'

'Thanks,' said Krillen 'I'm going to go take a shower.'

As he walked away, Yamcha glanced to Kakarot. 'Why are you being such a jerk to your friend, anyway?'

'Hey, I gave a rousing speech earlier just to keep him in the game.' said Kakarot 'I have to make up the difference now, or he might start thinking he's better than me!'

'Whatever,' said Yamcha, before turning to Launch. 'I'm looking forward to our fight.'

'You'd better be ready to lose,' said Launch 'cause I'm taking home that prize!'

The stage was set for the next match, yet would it be Launch, or Yamcha who was victorious? Kakarot had done some special training with Launch, so he knew that she stood a very good chance of winning, and Yamcha hadn't had the turtle hermits training. Even so, he doubted Yamcha would be easy prey. He didn't know who would win, but he was dying to find out.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

This chapter was a bit shorter than the others, primarily because I'm a firm believer in fight sequences which are brief and intense. I also feel unnecessary dialogue takes away from the scene, so I kept Chi Chi and Krillin's interactions to a minimal. Part of the problem was that Krillin and Chi Chi didn't use any special techniques.

I'd just like to say that I take a great deal of satisfaction from nixing the Bacterian fight. It is probably my least favorite fight in the entire series of dragonball, and that includes Z. It's juvenile, it's stupid, and it's disgusting.

I'm really looking forward to the Launch Vs Yamcha fight, actually. I've been waiting to write it, ever since I decided to put Launch in as a fighter. I hope you enjoyed this fight because I think the next one will be even better.

See you next time, on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!


	22. Yamcha Vs Launch, Nam Vs Kakarot

**Chapter Twenty Two: Yamcha Vs Launch, Nam Vs Kakarot**

The enthusiasm had yet to die down as cheers echoed throughout the ring sidelines without end. Hats were thrown into the air, as others jumped in joy. The result was that it took more than a few minutes for Mr. Announcer to get more than a word in edgewise. Even when he finally did you could still hear the cheering.

'I don't know about you guys,' said Mr. Announcer 'but I loved that fight! I think both those kids are going places!'

Krillen and Chi Chi watched the crowds in satisfaction. There were thirty minute intervals between fights, during which combatants could get their breath, and wash off. Both fighters meant to use the time the had to the best of their ability, however, for now, they were basking in the glory of the crowd.

'I'll bet Master Roshi would be so proud of us.' said Chi Chi.

'Hey,' said Krillen 'where is he anyway? And where is Kakarot, I haven't seen him anywhere.'

'Right here,' said Kakarot as he appeared next to Bulma on the sidelines. 'I figured I'd try watching from another perspective. And to answer your question, Master Roshi is a finalist in the tournament.'

'Really?' asked Bulma 'I didn't know that. We just thought we'd lost track of him in the crowd.'

'This again?' asked Krillen. 'Will you knock it off.'

'Stop being so silly Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'I'd think we'd have noticed if Master Roshi was really part of the tournament.'

'So is Master Roshi in the tournament or not?' asked Bulma.

'Yes!' said Kakarot.

'No.' said Chi Chi.

Krillen sighed. 'I guess he didn't watch my fight after all.'

Kakarot tore at his hair in frustration. 'Yes! Yes, he did! I can smell him right now! He's backstage!'

'You're delusional,' said Krillen.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jackie Chun watched as Launch checked her guns ammo cartridges and applies them. Her expression was highly focused, like that of a surgeon working upon a dying patient. For his part, Jackie Chun was more preoccupied admiring her figure. Finally, he approached, looking quite dignified. 'May I ask what the gun is for, sweetie?'

'To put a bullet in the brain of the next schmuck stupid enough to call me sweetie once the tournaments done.' said Launch, bringing the machine gun up. 'Though I could do it now if you don't back off, buster?'

Jackie Chun stepped back fearfully. 'Erm… I was going to ask if you and I could have some coffee.'

'In you dreams, joker.' said Launch.

'You really should put that gun away,' said Yamcha in a serious 'you start shooting at people and you're liable to get disqualified before our match. And I'll have to get involved early.'

'Whatever,' said Launch, placing the gun down. 'just don't disappoint me when the time comes.'

Jackie Chun made his way over to another competitor. 'Geez, these young people have no manners, wouldn't you say Nam?' Nam did not answer, for he was far more focused upon the stakes for his next match.

 _'Brothers and sisters,'_ he thought to himself. _'keep your strength. I have not forgotten you.'_

Perhaps a month after Yamcha and Bulma had left, the drought grew still worse. The people of his village became desperate. He recalled the wilted carrots, the parched face of his breath, the silent desperation in his mothers eyes. The empty well. The thought of all the people in his village in need, and counting on him to win this tournament filled him with determination.

Nam practiced several strikes, seeking to test his strength. It would be enough.

Jackie Chun narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, having read his mind. 'This man has spirit.'

Mr. Announcer stepped forward as the thirty minutes were up. 'Now everybody get ready, its time for the next great match!' He then became aware of Chi Chi and Krillen looking around for Master Roshi on either side of him.

'Master?' called Chi Chi.

'Hello?' said Krillen.

'Come on kids, I'm in the middle of my speech here.' said Mr Announcer. Krillen and Chi Chi went back stage. 'I've got to admit, I've been waiting for this one, folks, its women against man, bandit against train robber! Yamcha Vs Launch!'

Backstage Yamcha went terribly still and looked to Launch. 'You told them about our histories?' asked Yamcha 'Are you trying to get us thrown in prison?!'

'Its no problem,' said Launch as they walked forward. 'when the cops show up, we'll just destroy them.'

Yamcha walked forward. 'Excuse me, can I borrow the mike.' The Announcer gave it to him. 'Hi everyone, I'd just like to take this moment to say that I'm a professional martial artist and a law abiding citizen. I'm sorry if there was some kind of miscommunication.' He then handed the announcer back the mike.

'Who is this girl?' asked Bulma, annoyed, her fist clenched. 'Friend of yours Kakarot?'

'Fellow student, actually,' said Kakarot 'why do you care?' Then he paused, as he realized Bulma was jealous. 'Oh I get it, you must feel insecure because Launch is so much prettier than you.'

'What did you just say?' asked Bulma, voice low.

'Oh nothing,' said Kakarot 'I'm just remarking on the fact that Yamcha might find her a lot more attractive than you, seeing as their both fighters and all.'

'Don't listen to him, Bulma.' said Puar 'Yamcha would never do a thing like that.'

'That… that…' Bulma was shaking with rage now. 'YOU PIG!'

* * *

There was a long silence as Yamcha glanced to see Bulma on the sidelines, and he was shocked by the outburst. He looked into the crowd and found Bulma among them. 'Uh… is there something I've done to upset you Bulma?'

'Oh, nothing!' she snarled 'I was just out here waiting to watch you fight, and you've already started hanging out with another girl!'

Gasp emanated from the crowd. 'You scoundrel!' someone yelled.

'Heartbreaker!' cried another.

Somehow this was Kakarot's fault. Yamcha knew it in his gut. Oh yes, he didn't have any evidence for the fact, but he could tell. This had Kakarot written all over it.

'Uh…' said the Announcer 'not that this isn't fascinating, but weren't we about to have a fight?'

'Look, just hang on a sec okay.' said Yamcha before looking back to Bulma, who seemed on the verge of tears. 'Bulma, it's not like I'm taking her out on a date. I'm just fighting her in the finals is all.'

'Oh yeah, and I'm sure you didn't go out of your way to get placed with her!' said Bulma in bitter sarcasm, tears welling up.

'Actually,' said Mr. Announcer 'it's completely random who fights who. They picked numbers out of a hat, and Launch and Yamcha got paired up. In a strictly nonromantic sense, obviously.'

'Oh,' said Bulma 'well… I guess I can forgive you just this once.'

'Forgive?' asked Yamcha 'What is there to forgive? Why am I the bad guy here?'

'Welcome to love, Mr… uh…' Mr. Announcer paused.

'I don't have a last name.' said Yamcha.

'Oh,' said Mr. Announcer 'okay.' He turned back to the audience. 'Now, let's get this fight rolling shall we! In the red outfit is Launch, while in the green and orange outfit with the dark hair is Yamcha! Now, let the match begin!'

The gong sounded, and both took stances. Yamcha considered his opponent. 'I saw her fighting before. It's obvious she's more of a brawler than a martial artist. Still, she trained with Kakarot so I have to be on my toes-'

Then Launch surged towards him far faster than anyone he had ever fought and brought round a vicious right hook. Yamcha ducked under the punch and returned with one of his own, which Launch knocked aside before throwing a flurry of jabs which Yamcha struggled to hold back. Every punch of hers way like trying to halt a freight train and Yamcha was soon forced to give ground. Meanwhile, his own strikes were blocked with ease.

'Wow,' said Mr. Announcer 'what an onslaught! Launch has already driven Yamcha back to the edge of the ring, and the fight has only just begun!'

'Whats the matter Yamcha?!' said Launch, jumping from foot to foot. 'I thought you were a martial artist!' She swung a left hook that sent him flying back to land hard near the edge of the ring. Yamcha got to his feet, wiping a trickle of blood from his lip as he did so. 'If that's all you got, then it's over, do your wolf fang fist so we can stop wasting time.'

Yamcha was tempted to use it, but that was his trump card. He would wait till later. 'She's a lot stronger than I am.' he realized 'But I think I'm faster, and I'm sure I'm more skilled. I just need to adjust my strategy.' He surged forward in a charge that Launch sought to meet with a fist, yet as she swung he fell back and slid on one knee towards her, striking her legs out from under her with one leg.

Launch caught herself on one arm, as Yamcha rose to unleash a flurry of strikes at her as she tried to defend herself one handed. He hit her multiple times before she managed to roll away, and they rushed each other again. Yet just as they came within punching range, Yamcha dodged her strike and vaulted over her shoulders before coming around with a roundhouse kick that caught her in the face.

Launch was flung head over heels to smash straight into the far pillar, which cracked at the impact. Yamcha breathed as she landed, very still. 'Alright, I've got this.'

'Simply incredible!' said the Announcer 'Yamcha has kicked Launch against the pillar hard enough to crack stone! Don't worry folks, we've got trained medical workers ready to-' Launch got up, rubbing a bruise on her forehead, and looking madder than ever. 'I don't… this is amazing, even after a hit like that Launch is still ready to fight! What an astounding match!'

'Your gonna pay for that, bandit.' said Launch.

Yamcha was impressed. He wasn't sure he would have gotten up after an impact like that, not as easily anyway. This girl was tough. 'I'll believe that when I see it.' he said 'I may be less strong than you, but there is more to a fight than brute strength. I don't think you've ever trained at a dojo in your life. I'm faster than you, and far more skilled.'

'Yamcha has just all but proclaimed himself the winner!' said the Announcer. 'But will he be able to back up his boasting?!

'Skill this!' roared Launch before charging him.

However even as she rushed him, Yamcha stepped to one side and her punch hit nothing but air. She brought around an elbow to strike at his face, but he yielded ground with fluid movements. Launch's strikes grew faster and faster yet Yamcha redirected her momentum, and parried and dodged her strikes with ease.

'Would you look at that! Launch seems to be throwing everything she has at Yamcha,' said the Announcer 'but it's not having any effect!'

'Go Yamcha!' cried Puar.

'Show that floozy who is boss!' called Bulma, pumping her fist.

'What did you call me?!' snapped Launch as she looked away from the fight. In that instant Yamcha threw a fist which halted mere inches from her face. Launch turned back and flinched, eyes wide open.

'Are you trying to get machine gunned?' asked Kakarot of Bulma.

'Well, it would disqualify Launch.' noted Puar.

'You left yourself wide open.' said Yamcha 'That is a pretty amateur mistake.'

Launch stepped back a few paces, trying to get some distance between them, while Yamcha remained cool and took a stance. He raised one hand and beckoned for her to come after him in silent challenge. Launch charged forward, and then at the last minute leaped high into the air, kicking off the pillar at the front of the ring and rebounding towards Yamcha's back.

But Yamcha leaped into the air as she descended, and she missed him, skidding to a halt inches from the stage. Quickly pressing his advantage, Yamcha unleashed a flurry of kicks which nearly sent her careening off. At the last minute, Launch threw herself to the floor and rolled away, before quickly rising as Yamcha half turned and just looked at her.

An errant breeze flew through the ring, ruffling their hair as Launch gritted her teeth in fury. Suddenly Launch sniffed. 'Ah, ah, ah, achoo!'

And just like that Blue Launch took the stage, looking very confused. 'Oh my, um… am I in the middle of a match now? This is incredibly awkward.'

'Uh… how very strange,' said Mr. Announcer 'it appears as though Launch has changed hair colors and personalities. I'm not really sure how to react to this.'

'So are we fighting right now?' asked Launch.

'Uh… yeah,' said Yamcha 'is that a problem?'

'Well, it's just usually my other self does most of the fighting.' she explained 'I can't stand it personally. Um… could someone do something to make me sneeze please?'

Kakarot leaped over the wall and rushed up to him, tugging on his sleeve and whispering something into his ear. It occurred to Yamcha that he could take advantage of the situation and knock Launch out of the ring. Even so, that seemed a little underhanded on his part, so he decided against it.

'Ah,' said the Announcer 'it appears that Launch changes personalities every time she sneezes. As a result, she is requesting that someone make her sneeze so that the match can continue. I… don't think I was ready for today.'

Then a bee flew by Launch's nose. 'Ah, ah, achoo!'

This was absurd! Launch had gone through hell and back to get where she was, and yet now that he was fighting seriously she couldn't even hit him. Right now she should have been the one with the advantage! Yamcha was inches away from the ring, and yet her hands were shaking as she stood across from him.

The smug bastard, he knew, she knew, that even if she attacked him like this, it was more likely for it to end with her getting ringed out than him.

'Our combatants appear to have stopped the fight in favor of a stare off. Is this a contest of wills, or is one of both of them simply unwilling to unleash their full power?' Mr. Announcer stated.

'You think I'm done yet?' asked Launch 'LIKE HELL I AM!' And she took a stance, cupping her hands together. 'Kaaa…' Power coursed through her veins as she summoned it to her. 'meee…' A blue glow began to surround her body. 'haaa…' A ball of blue glowing light appeared within her hands. 'meee…'

'Launch appears to be calling up some kind of energy attack!' said Mr. Announcer. 'Could this be… I don't believe it. Is it possible that Launch is using the legendary kamehameha wave?'

Suddenly Yamcha seemed to panic as if remembering something, and he surged forward with enormous speed. 'WOLF FANG FIST!' And then he was upon her, a terrible look of fury on his face.

It was like getting hit by several thousand freight trains at once. And that was just the first punch. Launch was pummeled mercilessly backward until she was being thrashed against the side of the pillar. The stone broke, and it fell forward as she was cast beyond the ring to land with a crash on the grounds beyond.

Yamcha stepped aside from the falling pillar, breathing heavily. When he had seen her summoning an energy attack, his mind had gone back to that match with Tien Shinhan. He remembered how innocent people had nearly died, Bulma and Puar had nearly died, because of energy beams going beyond the ring. In that moment nothing had seemed more important to him than stopping Launch from launching it.

Now Launch wasn't moving, and medical crews were rushing to her side. Was she dead?

'Incredible!' said Mr. Announcer 'In a display of unprecedented pragmatism, Yamcha has unleashed his own special move before Launch could use hers!'

Cheers broke out amongst the crowd, as Yamcha looked around. Bulma and Puar were both cheering because he was in. He was one step closer to being the world champion. He waved half heartedly, before making his way over to the medical crews. 'Is… is she going to be okay?'

'Hard to say,' said the man 'she looks fine, but after a shock like that-'

'Get off me!' snapped Launch 'I don't need no stinking doctor!' She forced herself up and pointed at Yamcha. 'You, why couldn't I hit you!'

Yamcha blinked. 'Because you don't know martial arts.'

'Like HFIL!' she snapped 'I trained with Master Roshi for almost a year!'

'Well I don't know what he taught you,' said Yamcha 'but it clearly wasn't actual combat technique. You are almost as fast as I am, and much stronger, and have a lot more endurance. If you knew how to fight, I probably would have lost.'

'And just what is that supposed to mean?'

'It means your weakness is in your technique.' said Jackie Chun sagely 'There is more to martial arts than who is faster and who is stronger. The Turtle Hermit training is designed to help a martial artist exceed their physical and mental limitations. However, it does not teach you the proper way of throwing a punch, or kick.'

'And how do you know so much about the Turtle Hermit training?' asked Launch.

'Me?' asked Jackie Chun 'Well I uh… I've had a long association with Master Roshi. We go way back.'

'Huh,' said Yamcha 'funny, I've never heard of you.'

'I'm not a big fan of the limelight.' said Jackie Chun.

'Whatever,' said Launch 'it's clear that I need to learn these techniques if I'm going to win the next one.' She looked to Yamcha. 'If I teach you the Kamehameha wave, will you teach me your techniques.'

'Well… I…' Yamcha got the feeling this might very well lead to a great many awkward misunderstandings with Bulma. 'against my better judgment yes. But I'm not teaching you the wolf fang fist, it's my signature move.'

'Launch,' said Krillen 'how exactly do you know the kamehameha wave anyhow?'

'Kakarot taught me to do it.' said Launch 'I woke up one night and found him shooting the beams at the ocean over and over. Asked him to show me, how, we trained together for a month or two, and now I can use it.

That was pretty dirty striking me before I could finish it.'

'The last time I ran into an energy attack being shot in the ring,' said Yamcha 'it nearly killed my girlfriend.'

'Attention Nam, and Kakarot,' called Mr. Announcer. 'would both of you please report to the ring for your fight?'

Nam made his way forward, and as he walked Yamcha took him by the shoulder.

'Yes?' asked Nam.

'Take Kakarot seriously,' said Yamcha 'he may not look like much but he's dangerous. Give it everything you've got on your first try because he might not give you another chance.'

'I'll keep it in mind.' said Nam 'I have far too much at stake to lose this match.'

'Ladies and gentlemen, the third match is about to begin!' cried Mr. Announcer. 'On this side, we have a man who has come from a small village and defied all the odds, Nam!' He motioned to Nam, who stood still as a statue in silent meditation. 'And over here we have the amazingly young Kakarot!'

* * *

Kakarot had seen his familiarity with Yamcha, and became aware that the two had fought. Evidently, they had been near each others level at the time. Which meant he couldn't afford to take this lightly.

'Kakarot,' called Bulma 'you can do it you little wild man.'

He smiled to himself at the encouragement and leaped into the ring. Winning this would bring him one step closer to making Bulma his. He looked to see her waving and waved back.

Nam, for his part, focused on all those that were counting on him. He would not forsake his family. He would win and return with enough money to buy all they needed. He had promised.

'Alright, here we go, let the match begin!' said Mr. Announcer.

The gong sounded, and they both took a stance. Nam examined Kakarot's defensive posture, noting that it was very balanced. Then suddenly Kakarot surged towards him, fists ready. Nam leaped into the sky and descended with a downwards kick, but Kakarot ducked away with incredible speed, before going in for another assault. Yet Nam opened up a rapid series of kicks which rapidly forced Kakarot to the defensive. Kakarot returned with flurries of punches, before taking a strike to the face.

Falling to support his weight on one arm, Kakarot kicked one of Nam's legs out from under him, sending him falling to the ground. As Nam caught himself, Kakarot dealt him a fist that sent him flying towards the ring walls.

Nam landed feet first and kicked off the building to strike Kakarot across the neck.

Kakarot rolled away, clutching his neck, and near the edge. Here was Nam's chance to end the battle right now! Rushing towards Kakarot, he made for a finishing move.

Then something gripped his leg and pulled him off his feet to land with a crash.

Kakarot arose, a brown monkey tail now coming from his back. 'Finally, I have my tail back. Now I can fight at full strength at last!'

'I did not… expect that.' said Nam as he arose. What was going on here? What manner of child had a tail?

The awed crowd stared. 'Whats this?' said the Announcer 'Kakarot has saved himself from defeat by using a… tail. This is truly proving to be a tournament for the record books!'

As Nam and Kakarot faced each other, Kakarot smiled and it was not a pleasant look. He looked more like a feral beast in that moment than a boy. 'Now, lets serious shall we?' asked Kakarot.

Then he threw himself forward with his tail, roaring as he did it and unleashed a flurry of punches, driving Nam across the ring. Nam felt several blows to his gut, and chest, and shrugged off the pain, only to be struck again. 'The boy is attacking too fast, I have no way to counter. I can't even stand toe to toe with him!'

Farther and farther back Nam was driven until he stood at the very edge of the ring. 'Oh no,' he said, and then he raised his hand and caught Kakarot's fist.

Kakarot stared as both his hands were caught. One moment he had been on the verge of a finishing blow, and enjoying himself. The next he found himself unable to shake the iron grip of Nam. 'I am sorry,' said Nam 'but there are too many people counting on me to lose here.' Then he unleashed a flurry of kicks.

The attacks rocked Kakarot back and forth as he was beaten repeatedly. Each one was comparable to the strength Yamcha had shown with his wolf fang fist. A lesser being would have been crushed right there. Finally, Nam let got and round house kicked him into the center of the arena. The pain was terrible, and Kakarot groaned in agony as Nam walked near him.

 _'I must end this battle,'_ thought Nam _'yet that tail is more dangerous than a cobra. There is only one way. The aerial attack.'_ Then he launched himself into the air, remembering Yamcha's words. He might not get another chance at this.

'Look at him go!' called the Announcer 'Nam is way up there! What a jump, I'd say he's at least ten stories high, no wait, he's even higher!'

'I will strike like a lightning bolt from the sky.' said Nam, before diving downwards, his arms crossed before him. As he descended he closed his eyes. 'Young warrior, I have no desire to harm you. I do this only because it is my duty to help my people.'

This was bad. If Kakarot didn't dodge the incoming assault, he would be done for. Even now Nam was descending at an enormous rate. Worse still, he might be seriously hurt. 'Kakarot!' called Bulma desperately. 'Get up!'

Kakarot's eyes opened as he arose.

'It's too late!' proclaimed Nam 'I must fulfill my destiny!'

Down came Nam, and Kakarot rolled aside just in time! The impact shattered several tiles of the ring, as Nam stood up and Kakarot stepped backward on the defensive.

'Yeah, Kakarot!' said Bulma 'Show him who's boss!'

'That was close,' Kakarot said 'if you'd connected with that it might have lost me this match. But I promise you there won't be a second chance.'

'Good heavens, what a blow! One can only wonder what might have happened had it connected!' said Mr. Announcer.

'Shut up,' said Kakarot 'now let's get back to our fight.'

'It is against my way to harm any creature,' said Nam 'however I must succeed in my mission.'

'Yeah, well I've got a mission too.' said Kakarot, eyes narrowed. 'And I have to win this tournament to fulfill it. Someone in a high place has chosen me for it.'

For a moment their eyes met, and Bulma suddenly got the sense that the two warriors had some kind of understanding pass between them. It was scarcely perceptible, but it was there.

'Then let us see whose resolve is the stronger.' said Nam.

They surged forward and engaged in a flurry of blows, back and forth and around across the ring. Both of them took hits, and both refused to go down. Nam kicked Kakarot across the face and got a fist to his gut for his trouble. Kakarot tripped Nam up with his tail again, only to be punched upside the chin as the villager arose again.

So it went on, and the seconds passed into minutes. Minutes passed into hours, and still, the combat waged between the man and the monkey boy. Sweat dripped from their forms, as the two fought on, long after any normal person would have been crushed.

'This is simply incredible!' said Mr. Announcer 'As of this moment, Kakarot and Nam have been fighting for over three hours! And neither one of them shows any sign of throwing in the towel!'

Bulma was resting her head on the wall as she watched. The combat had long ago turned into a blur of punches and kicks for her. Nam and Kakarot now had let a momentary pause in the melee developed as they faced each other down. She perked her head up. 'Hey, is it just me, or does Kakarot look a lot less tired than Nam does?'

Nam was breathing heavily, his whole form pulsing from exertion. Meanwhile, Kakarot looked only a little tired, and more than able to keep going forever.

'Your right,' said Puar. 'he's winning.'

'I'll give you this…' said Kakarot, wiping sweat from his eyes. 'you are really good. In other circumstances, I'd use my trump card. But I've been trained specifically to endure enormous strain for long periods of time. All I have to do is drag this out, and you'll collapse from exhaustion sooner or later.'

 _'He's right,'_ realized Nam _'my strength is waning faster than his. For the sake of my people, I must end this now! I must use the aerial attack, and this time I must not fail!'_ Gathering all his strength he leaped high into the air, higher than the buildings, higher than the skyscrapers, higher than the clouds! He leaped higher than he ever had before, beyond the voice of the announcer, for he knew that this final attack must finish it.

'Airs pretty thin up here, don't you think?' asked Kakarot behind him.

Nam turned around and saw Kakarot falling directly across from him, smiling with crossed arms. Reeling, Nam could scarcely react as Kakarot swam through the air and attacked him. Their fists went back and forth and around as they grappled and battled within midair.

Far below the audience saw two tiny figures growing larger, battling back and forth as they rapidly approached the ground below. Mr. Announcer looked up. 'Kakarot and Nam have jumped higher than the clouds, and are even now doing battle while falling to earth! This is a first in the history of the tournament!'

As the figures grew larger, their approach became more rapid, until at last Nam and Kakarot could be seen dueling in mortal combat. Finally, Kakarot vaulted over Nam and got on his back, forcing him down as Nam struggled.

Then they hit the ring. A crater was blasted in the tiles as a huge cloud of dust was kicked up. When the dust settled, Kakarot stumbled up out of the crater, covered in dust. He sneezed as a vast cheer broke out from the crowds. Kakarot looked more than a little lost.

'Simply incredible! After a collision of that size and force, Kakarot is still standing!' said Mr. Announcer 'What an incredible boy!'

'Hey,' said Bulma 'start the count will ya!' She had nothing against Nam, but she was on Kakarot's side here.

'Oh right,' said the Announcer. 'one, two, three, four,' No sign could be seen of Nam moving. 'five, six, seven, eight, nine, te-'

'I will not fail my people.' said Nam as he stumbled up from the crater. 'I cannot allow myself to lose…' He was bleeding in several places, and walking with a limp, yet his eyes were unbroken.

'Amazing! Despite all that, Nam is still getting up!' said Mr. Announcer. 'Does he have some new technique?'

'No he doesn't,' snapped Kakarot 'if he had one he would have used it before. Look, you are very strong. But you were already losing before I turned your own technique against you.' He dodged a series of blows, before catching Nam's fist and kicking him back a few paces. 'Face your defeat with some dignity, already.'

'Nam!' called Yamcha from the sidelines. 'You've already done more than anyone could expect! You have to forfeit!'

'There is no shame in admitting defeat!' cried Jackie Chun.

'This is bad,' said Puar 'if Nam keeps attacking Kakarot like that, Kakarot may get angry and really hurt him.'

'I will never give up!' roared Nam as he unleashed a flurry of punches. 'I swore that I would save my people with the money from this tournament, and I will!' One of his punches connected and Kakarot was sent sailing across the ring to land at the far end. Yet Kakarot arose only a moment later, wiping the blood from his lip.

'I admire your bravery and commitment,' said Kakarot 'however I'm not going to give up just because you won't. It looks like I'll just have to beat you senseless instead.'

'I can't watch!' said Puar as she covered her eyes.

Bulma cringed but kept her eyes open. Kakarot surged forward with inhuman speed. Nam tried to meet him with a punch, but Kakarot leaped over him and dealt a karate chop to the back of his neck. Although there must have been a massively powerful blow, it looked insignificant compared to some of the others. Nam stood still for a moment, shuddering, before falling to the ground unconscious.

Kakarot landed and caught everyone's stares. 'What?'

'Well it's just…' Mr. Announcer paused. 'it was a bit anticlimactic is all.'

'Would you start the count already?' asked Kakarot. 'I don't want to have to beat him down again.'

'Right,' said Mr. Announcer 'one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Nam is out of the fight, and Kakarot is the winner!'

Cheers broke out throughout the crowds, while medical personnel came forward to pick up Nam. Bulma and Puar breathed a sigh of relief, as Kakarot looked around. Then Bulma looked up. 'Hey Kakarot,'

'Yes?' he asked.

'Good job, kid.'

'It was the quickest and most efficient method of ending the match.' he said with a shrug as he made his way back. 'See you next fight, I guess.'

'Yeah, okay.' said Bulma with a slight smile.

* * *

Jackie Chun was looking at Kakarot with slightly narrowed eyes as he entered the hall. Kakarot looked up in silent challenge. 'What?'

'You could have ended that match much sooner, couldn't you?' asked Jackie Chun simply.

'Yeah,' admitted Kakarot 'but I'd hate to finish a fight without knowing my opponent had a chance to give it his all. It makes it all the more satisfying when I win.' He paused. 'I believe you are up next, Master Roshi.'

'How many times do I have to tell you I'm Jackie Chun before you start believing it!'

'Quite a few more, I expect.' said Kakarot.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, here we have the completed fight between Launch and Yamcha and the fight between Kakarot and Nam. Originally I was going to fit the fights into two separate episodes, but both chapters turned out two short so I combined them into one of moderate length.

It's funny, I originally planned to have Yamcha and Launch fight evenly, before Launch unleashed a kamehameha, missed, and then was knocked out by a wolf fang fist. Then it occurred to me that Launch really doesn't have much training beyond brawling experience. She has physical might, but none of the techniques. So I realized that Yamcha, realistically, would hold the advantage once he got used to her strength. The whole thing with Yamcha having flashbacks to his fight with Tien came right out of nowhere.

I know right? Who would have thought that knowing martial arts would help win the world martial arts tournament?

As for Nam Vs Kakarot, I tried to change things up from canon to suit Kakarot's character. The original fight, of course, involved Goku jumping higher than Nam and then knocking him out of the ring once they hit the ground. However, Kakarot is much more of a blood knight and prefers fisticuffs to showy moves.


	23. Jackie Chun Vs Giran

**Chapter Twenty Three: Jackie Chun Vs Giran**

Nam awoke a few minutes before the match between Jackie Chun and Giran was scheduled to take place. He said nothing, merely sat in a corner, his eyes distant as he gazed at nothing. Yamcha seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to say it. Jackie Chun stared long and hard at Nam, as if he understood far more than he had been told.

* * *

The world martial arts tournament continued, even as the skies darkened overhead. Clouds swept in from the country, casting a great shadow over the arena. A storm was brewing, yet an angry sky did little to detract from the enthusiasm within the arena. The next match of the Tournament was moments away, and none of the spectators would miss it for the world.

'Now let's get the next match started,' said Mr. Announcer 'without further ado, let me introduce the last two-quarter finalists! The winner of this match will go on to face Kakarot in the finals! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Jackie Chun and Giran!'

'Giran,' said Bulma 'I wonder who that is. Oh well, maybe this Jackie Chun guy will be really handsome.'

'But Yamcha is your boyfriend.' said Puar, voice chiding.

'Well yes,' said Bulma 'but that doesn't mean I can't look for an upgrade.'

Pur grumbled to herself. It was blatantly obvious that Bulma expected Yamcha to be totally faithful to her while having no such standard for herself. However before she could say anything about it Giran emerged onto the ring, his great feet shaking the ground as he emerged. He had wings like those of a dragon, and many sharp teeth and he roared to the audience in expectation of his triumph.

'So Giran is a monster,' said Puar, shaking slightly. 'I'm glad he can't cross the ring.'  
At that moment Jackie Chun made his way out into the midsts of the ring. He was an elderly old geezer, clad all in black, and he flashed a peace sign to the crowd before getting into place facing Giran.

'That's Jackie Chun?' asked Bulma. 'But he's an old geezer…'

'Still looking for an upgrade?' asked Puar, privately thinking that Yamcha could do better.

'Now,' said Mr. Announcer 'fighters ready?' asked Mr. Announcer.

They both took stances, preparing themselves for the upcoming match. There was a certain intensity behind their gazes as they faced each other down.

'Begin!'

At that moment a drop of water landed on Mr. Announcer's sunglasses and it began to rain, and moments later pour. The rain beat down upon the crowd, who shrieked and ran for cover away from the sides of the rings. Within a scarce few moments, the ring had been cleared for everyone save Bulma and Puar who hid beneath the shelter of a tree. Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the dark.

'So what do you think?' asked Mr. Announcer of the Director.

'Woof.' said the Director.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' said the Announcer to the non-existent audience. 'the director has not postponed the fight as of yet. The match is still in progress!'

Utter silence from both combatants met his words. Jackie Chun and Giran stood motionless in silent challenge. Giran leered, while Jackie Chun held a contemplative silence.

'Wait a minute,' said the Announcer. 'I have a new ruling from the director. The match has been postponed, and will resume when there is a break in the weather!'

Utter silence.

'Apparently, the fighters didn't hear the announcement over the storm.' said Mr. Announcer in the pouring rain. 'Jackie Chun? Giran? Your match has been postponed until a later time.'

* * *

The rain did not let up even as the darkness of night fell across the land. Within a bar and restaurant, the gang met up around a round table in the corner. A jaunty piano tune played throughout the restaurant as they eat dinner together in relative silence. A motley assortment of patrons stood around at the tables, and at the bar were a group of yellow clad monks. Eventually, when all their places had been cleared away, they stopped to just talk.

No one had anything to talk about. Bulma sighed and looked out the window.

'Well, I'm glad it started raining,' burst out Yamcha suddenly. 'I've got a bad feeling about that Giran guy, Kakarot. I don't think he deals from a straight deck. Jackie Chun had better keep his eyes on him.'

'…I'm not sure I'm familiar with that turn of phrase.' said Kakarot after a moment.

'He means Giran cheats, Kakarot.' said Bulma with a sigh.

'Uh huh,' said Yamcha 'that's what I heard some guys saying in the elimination round. If you end up fighting him in your the next match you'd better not let your guard down. I'd expect the unexpected if I were you. You're real strong, but it's not always the strongest one who wins.'

'Yeah… hic… rub my defeat in my face why don't ya?' snapped Launch from where she was busy getting dead drunk. 'Bartender, get me another glass!'

'Uh… don't you think you've had enough-'

A gun was pointed at the bartenders head. 'Get. Me. Another. Glass.'

'I'd save your breath,' said Kakarot casually. 'Giran will never be able to defeat Jackie Chun.'

'Why not?' asked Krillen.

'Because Jackie Chun is Master Roshi, obviously.' said Kakarot, giving him a look. 'How long is it going to take you guys to figure it out?'

'That aside,' said Yamcha 'I saw Jackie Chun beat a guy in the ring during the elimination round. I was barely able to follow his technique. I wouldn't be surprised if Giran has bitten off more than he can chew.'

'Kakarot's delusions aside,' said Krillen 'Master Roshi is not here. Where the heck did he run off to?'

'Oh come on, seriously?' asked Kakarot.

'For a second I thought that was him there.' said Bulma, pointing to where Jackie Chun was nursing a drink.

'There is a resemblance, isn't there?' asked Yamcha.

'That's because it's him!' roared Kakarot 'Jackie Chun and Master Roshi are the same person! How can you be this dense?! The disguise is paper thin!'

Everyone pretended as though he had said nothing.

Suddenly there was a growling noise as a shadow appeared at the door. The piano stopped as Krillen sat straight up fearfully. 'Yikes, it's him!'

Lightning shattered the sky above, framing Giran's silhouette with blue light. He was clad in a black trench coat and wearing a broad brimmed hat that dripped with rain as he entered, laughing to himself. He lumbered up to the bar and took a seat, his great tail sticking out behind him through his coat. 'Hey, got milk?'

The bartender stared dumbly. 'Eh…'

'Milk fool!' snarled Giran.

'Uh… milk, yes of course!' said the bartender, picking up a cup and bottle. 'We've got milk coming right up, here it is!' He filled the glass to a little below the brim.

'Big monster wants milk,' said a yellow clad monk with a scornful laugh, shared by his compatriots.

'What a wimp.' said another monk.

Giran drank his milk without comment, ignoring them.

At that moment another yellow clad monk entered, putting away an umbrella. 'Hey you guys, you started without me!' he ran to his friends and suddenly tripped over Giran's tail, falling forward to land with a crash. He got up, glaring at Giran. 'Hey you rhinoceros or whatever you are, watch that stupid tail of yours?' Giran continued to ignore him, and he stood up. 'Don't act like you didn't hear me! You creep!'

'Cool your jets,' said a shorter and older monk. 'this is one of the guys trying to fight in the semi finals.'

'It's hard to believe just by looking at him, that's for sure.' said another, leaning against a counter.

'Yeah no kidding,' said the other 'he must have gotten all the easy guys in the draw!'

'None of these guys could make it through the elimination round and their trying to pick a fight with someone who did?' asked Bulma.

'Didn't you used to train with these guys, Krillen?' asked Kakarot.

'Uh huh,' said Krillen 'the guys at my former temple are all morons.'

'It's a shame the tournament has come down to two kids, a guy old enough to be their grandfather, a common footpad, and a monster who likes milk!' said the monk.

'Yeah, this championship is a sham, I could beat them! Easy!' said another.

'…That's it,' said Kakarot 'I'm gonna kill em all.'

'Chill Kakarot,' said Bulma 'they're not worth the effort.'

Kakarot considered how much effort would be required to kill these guys. 'That's a microscopic amount of worth.'

Giran's tail suddenly lashed out, knocking the monks from their feet to land in a heap. One of them, however, managed to keep his feet. The monks arose and took stances surrounding Giran. 'Alright you big goon, you are asking for it!'

'Watch that tail, guys!' said another. 'It's lightning fast!'

'There's only one tail, and there's four of us!' said another 'I like these odds!' Then he charged forward and brought round a karate chop, which Giran moved aside from with a nonchalant dodge.

'That's pretty good,' said Giran having finished his milk. 'you know I think I kind of like you. I think I'm going to kill you last.'

'What?' said the monk.

'You, bartender!' barked Giran.

'Huh?'

'Fill me up! Pour the milk now!'

The bartender panicked and began to pour milk. Even as he began to pour, however, Giran whirled round, his trench coat flowing about him. There was a flurry of giant fists, and all four monks went flying away. One was cast out through the wall into the rain, others into various surrounding tables to land prone on the ground. One of them managed to almost launch an assault before he was effortlessly batted away. The Bartender finished pouring Giran his milk.

'Did you see that!' said Puar.

'Y-yeah,' said Krillen 'he's strong.'

'Alright, I'll admit.' said Kakarot 'That was very impressive.'

Giran gulped the milk down with one swig. Then he made his way forward, looming over one of the monks with murder in his eyes. Bringing down one foot, he moved to crush his defeated enemies skull.

'Knock it off!' snapped Yamcha as he stood up.

Giran glanced to where the former bandit was approaching, perplexed.

'I think they got the message,' said Yamcha 'now back off, enough is enough!'

'Who the HFIL are you?' asked Giran.

'Yamcha…' said Bulma with dreamy eyes from the table.

'Oh no, it's happening,' said Giran 'the rash…' He began to rub at himself. 'Oh, man that itches. This fake rash never fails, fake heroes, pretenders, they make me break out! Ouch, oh, stop it, please! You're killing me!'

Yamcha narrowed his eyes and turned away. 'Very funny.' Then he began to walk away.

'Wait, don't go!' said Giran, before bringing round a vicious right hook.

Yamcha somersaulted aside with ease and landed on his feet facing Giran. 'Hey, whats the deal pal?!'

'This is going to be good.' said Kakarot.

'My rash is very rare,' said Giran. 'the only cure is to stamp out the pretender causing it!' People began to abandon their tables, as Giran loomed closer over Yamcha, who took several steps back for space. 'Come here Mr. Handsome hero! Take care of the big bad monster!'

Yamcha took a stance quickly. Giran tossed aside his trench coat, before launching a flurry of punches which Yamcha sidestepped. Then Yamcha leaped over a kick and launched an assault of his own. Bringing round one leg, he hit Giran in the head before he could block. Giran reeled and was sent tumbling head over heels to crash out into the rain, as Yamcha landed.

'Alright, Yamcha!' cried Bulma 'Go get him!'

At that moment Giran arose once more and entered the restaurant, looking absolutely furious. 'I'm going to crush you for that, you punk.'

'You're welcome to try,' said Yamcha taking a stance.

The two were about to charge at each other again when a voice called out. 'Stop it!'

It was Jackie Chun. 'Don't you realize this is against the rules? Fighting outside the arena is a serious infraction that will get you both kicked out of the tournament!'

'I don't care about the stinking rules, gramps.' said Giran.

'I guess you don't care about the prize money either.' reflected Jackie Chun.

'Huh?' asked Giran.

'If you beat the kid now you get nothing.' explained Jackie Chun simply. 'If you beat me in the arena, you're well on your way to becoming rich, and you may get your match anyway. It's your choice, friend.'

'Uh… yeah, money is good.' said Giran after a moment, before glancing to Yamcha. 'I'll see you in the finals, instead of here. You got lucky.'

'We'll just see about that, won't we?' asked Yamcha in turn.

'Dream on, Mr. Hero.' said Giran, before lumbering away.

Kakarot made his way over to Yamcha. 'So yeah, nice work.'

'Thanks,' said Yamcha 'I guess all this training paid off.'

Bulma made her way over to the bartender and quickly wrote out a check. 'We're sorry about the mess. Here is compensation.'

'I can't believe they let monsters like that into the tournament.' said a member of the crowd.

Yamcha glanced to Jackie Chun. 'If I were you, I'd be careful in your next match.'

'Kid,' said Jackie Chun 'I promise you this: If you make it to the finals, you won't be seeing him there.' He said it with a resigned and quiet appearance which made Yamcha realize that it was nothing less than fact.

When morning came, the monks seemed to have learned their lesson.

'Ugh… remind me never to attack any ten-foot monsters again.' said one of them as they made their way out.

'Yeah, me too…' said another, falling over in the process.

'Why won't the world stop spinning?' asked Blue Launch. 'I hate it when my other self-visits bars...'

* * *

By the time of the next day, the rain had cleared up completely and the fighters were ready to start fresh. The sun was high and bright above them, beaming down on the ring as the gong sounded.

The Announcer stepped up to cheering crowds. 'Alright, alright, alright, yeah! And now, introducing for the second time, the last two-quarter finalists, Jackie Chun and Giran!'

Once again Giran came forward and roared even louder than before, his voice echoing throughout the city. Then nothing.

'Uh… Jackie Chun?' asked Mr. Announcer. 'Jackie Chun we really need you to come out here.'

Then Jackie Chun came out, looking quite casual. 'Giran over there has this old coot scared witless!' Then he flashed a peace sign.

 _'_ _He's mocking me,'_ thought Giran.

Jackie Chun took his place in opposition to Giran, calm and casual, looking more than just confident. Relaxed would be a better term for it, and the crowds went wild.

'I'm going to pound you into the dirt, you old geezer.' snapped Giran in fury.

'I'm sorry, whats that I didn't hear you?' said Jackie Chun, clearing his ears with a finger. 'I'm an old man you know.'

Then Giran rushed him swinging his fist down. Jackie Chun did not visibly dodge, he was there one minute and he was gone the next. Giran halted and turned to see Jackie standing at the far end of the ring, quite calm. Giran roared and charged him outright, swinging a flurry of strikes at Jackie, but each time Jackie would be out of the way long before they came close to falling.

Finally, Jackie Chun disappeared entirely, and Giran stared in shock. 'What? He's gone! This just isn't possible! Where did he go!'

The crowd murmured amongst themselves, as Jackie Chun walked up quietly behind Giran and tapped him on the shoulder. The monster beast panicked and whirled round with such haste that nearly lost his balance and fell out of the ring. Jackie Chun waited for him to recover quite politely, tapping his foot impatiently.

'Stand still you old bastard!' roared Giran as he threw himself at Jackie Chun in a full body slam.

He ended up crashing his face into the tiles with a crash, while Jackie Chun stood a little ways away, yawning visibly. 'That time you came within a mile of touching me.'

Giran roared skyward and charged him, unleashing a flurry of punches that didn't even come within a foot of reaching their target. He bit, and slashed and kicked, and smashed with his tail, but nothing he did worked. Finally, Jackie Chun appeared on top of his head. Giran reached up to grab him, but Jackie Chun had already moved away.

'You've got a lot of power behind your punches,' said Jackie 'but strength isn't everything.' Then he raised one hand. 'Now enjoy this refreshing winter breeze!' He punched the air.

And just like that, a massive wind kicked up, catching Giran in its pull as it sent him flying out of the ring, past the audience and into the sky. Jackie Chun stood resolute. 'That's my move. Wasn't it _cool_ , hehehe, cool, it's a joke, you see and… hmm.'

The Announcer recovered from his shock. 'Incredible! After effortlessly dodging every move Giran has thrown, Jackie Chun has sent him into the next town without laying a finger on him! It looks like he's won, what a stunning display of skill!'

In the sky above, the figure of Giran righted itself and spread its wings as Giran flew back to the ring and touched down with an air of smugness. 'Too bad, old man! Guess I forgot to mention I can fly!'

'This is hard to believe!' said Mr. Announcer 'After being thrown a hundred yards out of the arena, Giran has flown back in! And since no part of his body actually touched the ground, the match is still on!'

'Wonderful,' said Jackie Chun 'now I'll need a new one liner.'

At that moment Giran opened his mouth and shot forth a beam of light which wrapped itself around Jackie's arms, pinning them in place. Jackie Chun looked down as the light materialized into a sort of violet gum. 'Oh no, I can't move.' said Jackie Chun in a deadpan voice. 'Whatever will I do?'

'How do you like Giran's merry go round gum?' asked Giran in amusement.

'I think it could use a better name.' reflected Jackie Chun, looking up to the sky. 'Giran's steel grip gum? Giran's unbreakable gum? Giran's ineffectual gum.' He glanced up to Mr. Announcer. 'Hey, isn't this against the rules? Using any kind of outside tool is against regulations.'

'Uh… well…' began Mr. Announcer.

'It's not an outside tool,' said Giran 'the merry-go-round gum is from inside my body, so it's fair.'

'Oh fine, so you aren't getting disqualified.' said Jackie Chun with a sigh. 'I suppose I'll just have to get this stuff off me then.'

'You can struggle all you want old man!' boasted Giran 'It'll only make it get tighter! Face it, you're stuck, right where I want-'

Jackie Chun broke the gum. It didn't even look like he had to strain. It just shattered and the old martial artist clenched his hands, then opened them. Giran's mouth remained open for a moment, before widening a bit, then shutting closed like a bear trap. Jackie Chun looked at Giran hard. 'Would you like to give in now? Or shall I throw a punch?'

Giran raised the white flag. 'Wait, no need for that, I give up! I give up!'

'Amazing!' said Mr. Announcer 'Giran's throwing in the towel! He's quitting the match! This is a first in the history of the World Martial Arts Tournament! Which makes Jackie Chun the winner! Jackie Chun is going to the semi finals! Spectacular!'

'Well that was somewhat anticlimactic,' said Kakarot ruefully.

'Yeah I know,' said Krillen 'I mean we started out with three really intense matches, and then this Jackie Chun guy whips Giran like it was nothing. I'm kind of glad I don't have to fight that guy, actually.'

'I know what you mean.' reflected Yamcha.

'I'm looking forward to it, personally.' said Kakarot 'It will be an entertaining match to face my mentor in battle.'

'But I thought you were trained by Master Roshi?' asked Yamcha, blinking in surprise.

'Et tu, Yamcha?' asked Kakarot in despair.

It was at that moment that Nam reappeared, looking somewhat mournful. He approached Kakarot, who turned to face him. For a long moment they held each others gaze in silence, and then Nam offered Kakarot a hand. 'Good match. This was a fight I will not soon forget. It was an honor having an opponent like you.'

Kakarot took it, smiling slightly. 'Likewise, you put up a hell of a fight.'

Nam smiled sadly, then turned to walk away.

'Aren't you going to stay and watch the rest of the tournament?' asked Yamcha.

'Unfortunately no,' said Nam 'I must return to my people and find another solution to our water problem.'

'Uh… don't leave just yet, okay.' said Yamcha, moving forward to stand in his way. 'Look, I've still got a decent chance at winning this thing. If I win the prize money, I can give you enough for your village to get by. It's a long shot, but it can't hurt to stick around, at least until I'm knocked out.'

Nam looked at him in a new light. '…I thank you Yamcha,' he said 'you are a true friend.

Hey it's no problem,' said Yamcha 'I can probably just win some smaller time tournaments to make up the difference or something, I guess. Besides, I don't really need the zeni.'

It looks like Nam still has a chance, and the semifinals await. Yet how will things turn out? Find out next time, on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

It was a bit of a shorter chapter this time, probably because Giran is more or less a villain of the week. Not much content, though the milk glass scene is pretty awesome.

So yeah, this fight was more or less a foregone conclusion. I don't think anybody will be losing any bets in regards to the outcome of this match. One of the little changes which I have thus far greatly enjoyed is Yamcha's friendship with Nam. It was never part of the original script, but I find it one of the more endearing character relationships.

Also in regards to why Jackie Chun acted differently than in his fight with Yamcha in canon, the reason lies in the difference between Yamcha and Giran. Yamcha has a bit of an ego, but he's overall good hearted, and he is a legitimately talented martial artist. In sharp contrast Giran is a bully and a thug, and relies more on dirty tricks and his own overpowered physical ability than any real skill.

Consequently Jackie Chun went for a more humiliating defeat.


	24. Yamcha Vs Chi Chi

**Chapter Twenty Four: HFIL hath no fury**  
In the aftermath of the quarterfinals a great chart which had been set out to post the fighting order was updated with the stroke of a brush. At the same time Mr Announcer brought out Launch, Kakarot, Chi Chi and Krillen to stand before the crowd in the lull between fights. 'And that's how it all shakes down, folks. Chi Chi will fight Yamcha, and Kakarot will fight Jackie Chun in the semifinals. But whats really stunning is the sheer strength and endurance some of the finalists have demonstrated in the ring.' He motioned to them. 'Take a look at half our finalists, its phenomenal they are all wearing the same outfit. Whats that mean, we're about to find out?'  
Bulma, however, was more than a little worried. 'I can't believe that Kakarot's tail grew back, you guys. This could be a serious problem!'  
'No kidding,' said Puar 'imagine the damage he could do if he transformed in the middle of a city like this! If he turns into an ape, the whole world could be doomed.'  
Kakarot's tail began to twitch absently as he looked around at the people around him. Krillen couldn't keep his eyes off of it, actually. 'Uh… you've got a tail on your back?'  
'Yes, what of it?' asked Kakarot. 'That's where tails grow.'  
'Let me congratulate all four of you for making it this far,' said Mr. Announcer 'you four have such talent. And, with one exception, at such a tender age. It doesn't seem possible does it? So tell me Krillen, I heard that you are thirteen years old. How old are the rest of you?'  
'Seventeen,' said Launch 'I learned to shoot when I was a kid, robbed my first bank at twelve, and I've been a professional ever since.' She sneezed, and her blue self-appeared. 'I enjoy cooking, cleaning, and waking up to find that my blonde self hasn't done something horrid.'  
'…Right, of course.' said Mr. Announcer. 'And what about you Chi Chi?'  
'I'm twelve.' said the Ox Princess, blushing at the attention.  
'And what about you Kakarot?' asked Mr. Announcer.  
Kakarot looked at the mike. 'This is the magical device you use to extend your voice across the crowd, is it not?'  
'Its a mike you idiot.' said Krillen.  
'A mikeyu is what it is called then? Fascinating.' said Kakarot.  
Mr. Announcer pulled the mike back as laughter spread through the crowd. 'A joke, yes, what funny little guys.'  
'Don't embarrass us with your superstitions.' said Krillen 'Just answer the question.'  
'Oh right the question,' said Kakarot, counting down on his fingers. 'I am twelve years old, I believe.'  
'What?' said Krillen 'Wait a second, Kakarot, I thought you were older than me!'  
'I'm well aware,' said Kakarot 'I thought the same. Then Launch taught me how to count past ten with my fingers. Turns out twelve comes before thirteen. Who knew.'  
'Everyone.' said Launch.

* * *

'Twelve huh?' said Bulma in surprise as she crossed her arms. 'I always figured he was a lot closer to my age than that. Well, it just goes to show you, you think you know somebody…' Bulma suddenly wondered what Kakarot would look like when he was grown up. Maybe he would be cute. She shoved the question aside as one for later.'

* * *

'So you are twelve,' said Krillen 'and you have a tail. That's pretty weird man.'  
'Your one talk, Mr. Shiny Head.' shot back Kakarot. 'And anyway what so great about conforming to peoples expectations. The average person is a miserable, cow eyed, pathetic weakling who expects everyone to be just as vapid and idiotic as they are! Fools! The day of judgment will come swiftly and without warning, and when it does, all your cities and luxuries will not avail you against the coming malice!'  
There was a long awkward silence.  
'Kakarot… uh…' Krillen paused. 'You were speaking into the mike.'  
The monkey tailed boy stared at him without comprehension. Finally, he sighed. '…Present company excluded of course.' said Kakarot. 'Your interest in martial arts could be considered a redeeming quality.'  
Mr. Announcer evidently decided that they had better just move on. 'Be that as it may, you four should all be very proud of what you've accomplished. Kakarot, I must say it is a bit unusual that you have a tail. How did that come about?'  
'See,' said Krillen 'told ya. That tail isn't exactly normal you know. In fact, I've never heard of a person who had one!'  
'What about Monster Beast Giran?' asked Chi Chi.  
'I…' Krillen paused. 'Shut up. I'm older than you. Is it real?'  
Kakarot remained silent for a moment, looking annoyed. 'How about I just show you.' Then he bashed Krillen across the face with his tail, sending the other boy reeling back into a pillar. 'Does that answer your question?'  
'Kakarot, whats the big idea?' snapped Krillen, clutching his head.  
'Now now boys,' said Mr. Announcer 'let's save the fighting for the ring.'  
'We're in the ring.' said Chi Chi.  
'Let's save the fighting for the matches,' Mr. Announcer corrected himself. 'it would be a shame if one of you were to get disqualified in an interview. Let's stick to answering questions verbally shall we?' They nodded. 'Now then, you all obviously know each other, so you must train together. Can you tell us a little bit about your master?' He offered the mike to Krillen.  
'We do regular stuff,' said Krillen 'like farming and delivering milk. And since Master Roshi trains us, we wear big shells.'  
There was a stunned silence, as the expressions of both the crowd and Mr. Announcer became filled with awe. 'Did you say… Master Roshi?!' asked Mr. Announcer.  
'Oh man, no wonder…' said a man in the audience.  
'Yeah, that explains everything.' said another.  
'Wow! This is unbelievable!' said Mr. Announcer 'You mean that you guys are pupils of Master Roshi?'  
'Yep,' said Krillen 'first he told us he wasn't accepting any new pupils. But he took us.'  
'This is astounding!' said Mr. Announcer as he turned to the crowd. 'Master Roshi is the greatest martial arts expert in the world! What a treat having two of his students here today! The turtle hermits fighting style is legendary and as old as he must be, it's amazing he's still alive!'

* * *

Jackie Chun fell over and landed with a crash. It sometimes set in for him just how old he was, and he rose up in irritation at the fact. He sensed Yamcha coming up behind him before he heard him. The boy had amazing ability to walk quietly when he set his mind to it. And here came the question. 'Excuse me, have you seen Master Roshi?' Yamcha asked, voice suspicious.  
'Afraid not,' said Jackie Chun.

'Is that so?' asked Yamcha. 'Have you looked in a mirror lately?'

'What?' How much did this kid know?  
'Look, there is only one many your age who could make it into the semifinals.' said Yamcha 'And when you showed up, he disappeared. It just seems a little odd, is all. And you certainly have a resemblance.'  
'Is that what you think?' asked Jackie Chun. 'Well, then I'll tell you the truth. I am…' He considered how reliable Yamcha was. 'Jackie Chun.'

Yamcha looked at him. '...If you say so.' he said before falling silent.

Roshi still had it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mr. Announcer turned to Chi Chi. 'Chi Chi, your match is coming up in a few minutes, what do you think of your opponent, Yamcha?'  
Chi Chi looked up, and then looked down at the ring. She clenched two fists and stared down at the floor in a manner which might have drilled to the center of the earth. A terrible darkness now surrounded her, as she shuddered in silent fury, her teeth gritted, and all that beheld her stepped back in amazement and fear.  
'Er… that's all right,' said Mr. Announcer 'you don't have to answer if you don't want to.'  
'I can make a comment if you like,' said Kakarot 'I'm a friend of Yamcha's.'  
'Oh right,' said Mr. Announcer, before offering him the mike. 'So what do you think of Chi Chi's chances. Chi Chi is a student of Master Roshi's, so is this going to be an easy match for her.'  
'Given from what I've seen so far,' said Kakarot 'I think its fifty-fifty. Maybe sixty forty-one way or another to account for hidden powers. I'd say that Chi Chi had better take this seriously, or risk losing…' He looked to Chi Chi, who had a positive aura about her. 'But I don't think we need to worry about that right now.'  
'Uh… yes I suppose so.' said Mr. Announcer, wiping away a bead of sweat.

* * *

'Any advice for my next match.' asked Yamcha suddenly.  
There was a thoughtful pause Jackie Chun mulled it over, considering the possibility that he would face this young martial artist in the final match. 'Well,' said Jackie Chun finally. 'you might win if you get lucky.'  
'And what is that supposed to mean?!' asked Yamcha, feeling a bit offended.  
'Kid, you beat that Launch girl because, despite her strength and speed, she was an amateur in martial arts.' said Jackie Chun 'But Chi Chi is a trained martial artist _and_ took Master Roshi's training. You'll have your work cut out for you if you are going to take her down.'  
'Will Yamcha please report to the arena.' said Mr. Announcer.  
'Well,' said Yamcha 'that's me. I guess we'll find out.'

'Good luck.' Jackie Chun grunted

* * *

Yamcha made his way forward, mentally preparing himself for a difficult battle. And the stakes here were much higher than they had been before. If he lost this fight, Nam's last hope would be extinguished. As he passed Krillen and Launch he took his place in front of Chi Chi, who was still glaring daggers at him.

'Listen,' said Yamcha, feeling obligated to try and mend fences. 'let's have a good match, alright.'  
Chi Chi growled in fury and took a stance. Yamcha followed suit. A tense standoff ensued as they waited for the match to begin.

* * *

Kakarot had not gone to backstage, but instead had met up with Bulma and Puar, standing behind the wall with the rest of the audience. Bulma looked at him perplexed, and Kakarot reflected the expression looked good on her.  
'Hey Kakarot,' said Bulma 'do you have any idea why Chi Chi seems to hate Yamcha so much?'  
'No,' admitted Kakarot 'but I'm sure Chi Chi is going to tell us.' This was going to be good.  
'Ready,' said Mr. Announcer 'begin!'  
The dam broke. Chi Chi surged across the ring at lightning speed, unleashing a flurry of punches which saw Yamcha driven back to the edge of the ring. At the last second Yamcha leaped over Chi Chi and narrowly avoided her finishing charge. However before he could land Chi Chi surged up into the air and slammed him in the gut, sending him falling to land with a crash. Chi Chi halted, breathing heavily, her eyes narrowed.  
'Amazing, Chi Chi continues to prove a relentless opponent!' said Mr. Announcer 'Though one might wonder why she seems to be taking this so seriously! Then again, who can blame her if the prize is entry into the finals!'  
'Look,' said Yamcha as he stood. 'have I done something to offend you or-'  
'Let me jog your memory!' roared Chi Chi, before surging forward and unleashing an onslaught of punches which Yamcha was hard pressed to keep up with. 'I'll teach you to play with a girls heart!'

A silence ensued among Kakarot, Bulma and Puar as the fight waged on.

'What is he talking about?' asked Bulma, voice suspicious.  
'Uh oh…' said Puar.  
'Oh yes,' said Kakarot, seeing his chance. 'she's referencing a small interaction between Chi Chi and Yamcha shortly before I met her, I believe.'  
'What do you mean?' said Bulma, looming over him.  
'Oh no, I'm much keener to have you find out on your own.' said Kakarot easily.

Yamcha meanwhile was forced to yield ground again and again beneath Chi Chi's strikes. Though her power was not quite on Launch's level, her strikes were far more precise. Only Yamcha's longer arms allowed him to keep up with her attack. 'Listen, if you mean what happened after that T Rex, I can explain!'  
'CAN YOU?!' roared Chi Chi, before dropkicking him in the face.  
'Yeah, Yamcha!' roared Bulma 'Why don't you explain what this is all!'  
He steadied himself. Why was it that every match so far had involved a terrible misunderstanding with his love life. 'Okay, can I just get a word in edgewise here?'  
'You said you were madly in love with me!' roared Chi Chi 'And then you left me all alone in the desert without so much as much as a word! And when I next found you, you were dating that skank Bulma whose always trying to steal my Kakarot away from me!'  
'What did you just call me, you little brat!' snapped Bulma. 'And you, Yamcha! How could you…' She looked on the verge of tears. 'I trusted you and you…' Her expression darkened. 'YOU CHEATING-'  
'I don't see what you're so upset about Bulma?' asked Kakarot in deadpan. 'He wasn't your boyfriend at the time. And didn't you do exactly the same thing when you first saw Oolong? Face it the only difference between you two is that Yamcha didn't try to romance swine.'

'Oolong?' asked Puar 'You mean the shapeshifting pig? Loses his transformation after five minutes?'  
'Yep.' said Kakarot. 'You know him?'  
'He used to bully me in shapeshifters school.' explained Puar.  
'I beat him up.' said Kakarot.  
'Can we focus!' snapped Bulma. 'That was completely different!'  
'How?' asked Kakarot.  
'Well…' Bulma paused. 'I mean… well… uh…'  
'And given that you were talking about an 'upgrade'?' asked Puar. 'How do you measure up to your own standards?'  
'I mean, I don't…' she began.  
'Upgrade?' asked Yamcha 'What do you mean by that Puar?'  
'I mean that Bulma here was talking about getting a new boyfriend during the fourth quarter-final match.' said Puar 'Specifically wondering if Jackie Chun would turn out to be cute.'  
'Bulma what the HFIL!' said Yamcha.  
'Oh what, I'm a strong independent woman!' snapped Bulma 'I can look if I want to!'  
'Oh so when I even associate with another woman in a purely platonic way, that's being unfaithful, but when you start outright looking to replace me before I've even done anything it's your right as a strong independent woman!' said Yamcha in anger. 'View must be great from that glass house of yours!'  
Everything that had happened had thus far gone according to Kakarot's plan. He smiled to himself as the argument went on, and voices got louder while the crowd was caught in the middle.  
'What do you want me to say?' snapped Bulma at last, looking away and crossing her arms. 'You don't own me.'  
'I saved your life from a giant castle destroying monkey!' snapped Yamcha 'The least you could do is give me a little respect!'  
Kakarot blinked. 'What did you just say?'  
'What?' said Yamcha looking suddenly worried. 'I said the least she could do is show me a little respect.'  
'No not that!' said Kakarot 'You told me Pilaf's Castle was destroyed by an earthquake.'  
'Uh… I don't mean to interrupt,' said Mr. Announcer 'but we were in the middle of a match. Could you perhaps save the break up until after-'  
'You aren't involved in all this!' they all roared.  
Mr. Announcer sweatdropped. 'I think the audience is feeling pretty involved.'  
'Alright, alright, enough!' said Yamcha, before turning to Chi Chi. 'Look, kid, I'll level with you. When I first ran into you I saw you behead a T Rex and then obliterate its corpse with an energy beam. I congratulated you on your victory, and you tried to kill me. So I knocked you out in self-defense.  
I then left you in the middle of the wilderness to go about my business, only to find out later that I had knocked out the Ox King's daughter. Now don't take this the wrong way, but your father has something of a reputation. So I figured I was dead meat unless I made sure you were safe.  
I found you, you woke up, and I decided I'd rather not have you telling your father how I knocked you out. So I lied and told you I was in love with you, then left and forgot I'd ever seen you. Obviously, you took me seriously, and for that I am sorry. It was wrong, and I apologize.'  
Chi Chi remained silent for a long long time. '…Okay,' said Chi Chi 'I guess since it was out of fear for your life I can forgive you. My papa can be pretty scary. You and Bulma kind of deserve each other anyway.'  
'Why you little runt!' snapped Bulma 'I'll have you know I'm top class girlfriend material!'  
'Could have fooled me,' murmured Puar.  
'Tell me about it.' said Yamcha.  
'What?!' snapped Bulma 'Well if you feel that way, maybe I won't be your girlfriend anymore! How about that!'  
'Fine.' said Yamcha.  
'Fine!' roared Bulma, before turning to stalk away.  
'Wow, amazing!' said Mr. Announcer with gritted teeth. 'This is the first time in history that a contestant has broken up with their girlfriend while in the middle of a match! And how about we get to that match before someone creates a shipping wall and the fans lose interest!'  
'Right,' said Yamcha, before taking a stance. 'let's go.'  
The two of them surged towards each other and met halfway, fighting in a vicious melee that waged back and forth. Chi Chi took several strikes to the face, and yielded ground, only to leap over his shoulder and strike him in the back. Yamcha reeled, but caught himself on the ground and dealt a kick to her face, sending her staggering back, as he rose to fight again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kakarot made his way through the crowds after Bulma, feeling a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It had been a simple matter to get them to break up after all, and Puar had been a reliable if unwitting accomplice. Her own concern for Yamcha had played right into Kakarot's plans, and together they had convinced the two to break off from each other.  
Now all the remained was to make Bulma's his, and was she crying?  
Bulma was sitting on a park bench, her hands over her eyes as she sobbed to herself. Kakarot suddenly felt… was this guilt? He'd never felt guilt about anything before, and he didn't like the feeling. It occurred to him that he hadn't really thought about how Bulma might think about all this and that furthermore, he hadn't planned much farther than breaking up Bulma and Yamcha.  
So he sat down next to her and put one hand on her shoulder as tenderly as he could. After a while, as the fight was raging elsewhere, Bulma stopped crying, and put her hands down, just staring into space. Finally, she spoke: 'Am I a bad person Kakarot?'  
Kakarot wondered if he should answer the smart way or the honest way. He then decided to answer the way which would hurt Bulma the least. 'Oh no, I don't think you are at all responsible for the current situation. In fact, I think its largely Yamcha's fault and that you did the right thing by breaking up with him.' And it was true, in a way. Kakarot gave the credit for the break up to himself.

Even so, Bulma looked at him seriously. 'Your a bad liar, kid.' she said, wiping her eyes. 'If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to cheer me up.'

'Well, why tell the truth?' asked Kakarot ruefully. 'No one listens to anything they don't want to hear anyway. Frankly, I don't think it ever would have worked out between you two in the first place.' Not if he had anything to say about it.  
'What?' said Bulma 'Why not?'  
'Well…' Kakarot thought about what he knew about their interactions. 'because you didn't get your wish for a perfect boyfriend is all.'  
'I don't understand.'  
'Yamcha's not perfect,' said Kakarot 'and neither are you. No one is really. But you seem to expect him to be perfect.'  
'That's not true.' said Bulma. 'I mean-'  
'Yes, it is!' said Kakarot 'You didn't want me to sugarcoat it for you, so I'm not going to back off now! You got together with him instead of making a wish on the dragonballs for the perfect boyfriend, and so you expect him to _be_ the perfect boyfriend. That is an impossible standard.  
And when he fails to meet it, you lash out at him. I guess this time he lashed back.'  
Bulma said nothing for quite some time. Then suddenly she stood up. 'You're right, Kakarot. I can't just expect to never have an argument or fight with Yamcha, and I can't keep holding him to an impossible standard.' And just like that, she began walking off.  
'Wait what?' said Kakarot, following after her. 'Did I miss something? You already broke up, it's too late to adjust your strategy.'  
'Don't be dense, Kakarot.' said Bulma 'Boyfriends and girlfriends break up and get back together all the time. I'm sure Yamcha and I can work this out!'  
All his work was going out the window in moments. 'Maybe I don't want you to work this out!' burst out Kakarot 'Do you think I went to the trouble of getting you mad at each other so you could work it out?!'  
'You…' Bulma stared at him uncomprehending. 'you deliberately tried to get me and Yamcha to fight? Why?'  
'Isn't it obvious?' asked Kakarot. 'Why would one male try to undermine another's relationship with a female?'  
There was a long silence as realization dawned on Bulma's part. She blushed slightly. 'I… you're a little young, don't you think?'  
'It's four years age difference, and we have eternal youth.' said Kakarot. 'What does he have that I don't?'  
'I… not now Kakarot.' said Bulma 'Maybe in a few years if things don't work out with Yamcha, but… just not now.'  
'Wonderful,' said Kakarot 'I'm heading back to the ring, the fights probably almost over by now.' He walked off, feeling exceptionally bitter.

* * *

Yamcha was angry, angry at himself, angry at Bulma, and angry at Chi Chi in particular. It wasn't entirely fair to blame the girl for the breakup, but it probably wouldn't have happened if she hadn't taken things so personally. Of course, that was his fault. The result of this anger was that he fought harder, focusing his rage into punches and kicks which little by little causes him to gain an edge over the girl.  
He had more reach, and more skill and Nam was depending on him. He needed to win this thing. After another flurry of punches ended in a stalemate, he brought round a leg to kick her across the face. Chi Chi staggered back, before launching another onslaught which ended with Yamcha taking a fist to the shoulder as he gave ground.  
Finally, they separated, panting in place as they faced each other down. Out of the corner of his eye, Yamcha noticed that Bulma had returned to the ring to watch the fight. That was something at least, he wanted to fix things between them.  
'Your real good kid,' said Yamcha 'but I think now is the time for me to use my trump card.' Taking a stance, he got into the mindset of the wolf, charging forward. 'WOLF FANG FIST!'  
She wasn't supposed to dodge. For all his speed, she still slipped out of the way of his assault and initiated a flying kick which sent him reeling back, slipping near the edge. She rushed at him, fist readied, and Yamcha ducked. She passed over him and descended right towards the ground.  
'Kamehameha!' she cried, pointing her hands at the wall.  
He hadn't even been aware a kamehameha could be fired that quickly, and suddenly the wall broke apart and Chi Chi was surging towards him with another flying kick. It struck him straight in the chest and sent him crashing away. The pain was throughout his body, his vision was blurring, his body was stunned.  
Distantly he was aware that a voice was counting down.  
'One, two, three,'  
He thought about the prize money. That didn't do anything for him.  
'four, five, six,'  
He thought about how Nam was depending on him, and it began to get a reaction.  
'seven, eight, nine,'  
'GET UP YAMCHA!' cried Bulma.

Her voice pierced through the pain, and Yamcha hauled himself up while taking a stance. Filled with new resolve, he charged at Chi Chi, faster than he had ever run before, with greater speed and fury. 'WOLF FANG FIST!'  
He struck her repeatedly, savagely beating the girl with his fist and legs, pouring all his anger and frustration into a singular flurry of untold devastation that left her crashing to the ground some ways away. She lay very still.  
'What a blistering recovery!' said Mr. Announcer 'Yamcha appears to have knocked young Chi Chi out cold. This has truly been a vicious fight!'  
"'Start the count, will you.' said Yamcha.  
'One,'

* * *

By all accounts, Kakarot should have been celebrating. He had been looking forward to facing Yamcha in battle again. Now it seemed that he would face him in the finals. Mission accomplished.  
'Two,'  
Except Kakarot was feeling spiteful. He felt vengeful and angry, and suddenly more than anything wanted Yamcha knocked out of the tournament at this stage. This was the second one of Master Roshi's school that Yamcha had knocked out.  
'Three,'  
Launch and Chi Chi had gone through hell to get where they were now. And as of this moment, Yamcha had thrashed both of them. Kakarot did not know what kind of training Yamcha went through, but it seemed likely that it was nowhere near as menial or humiliating.  
'Four,'  
Indeed, the reputation of the Turtle School was on the line here. Why dig ditches, and moved around in heavily weighted clothing when you could spend a month or two training in the wilderness and get just as strong. It was a matter of honor at this point.  
'Five,'  
Kakarot had a vested interest, and an obligation to see his fellow students get higher in the ranks. And Chi Chi needed some kind of motivation. He considered what he knew about her. He could tell her that her Father was here, but that seemed a bit underhanded. Then he considered the not too subtle infatuation she seemed to hold regarding him.  
'Six,'  
It was a long shot, but it was worth it.  
'Seven,'  
'Chi Chi!' called Kakarot 'Get up, I believe in you!' The words made him sick to his stomach, and he almost wished they hadn't worked. Sure enough, however, Chi Chi rose up, and looked at him, blushing.  
'Do you really mean that Kakarot?'  
'Everything I said to Krillen also applies to you.' said Kakarot quickly. 'Now waste him!'  
'Right,' said Chi Chi.  
'Back for more, huh?' asked Yamcha, taking a stance.  
'I'm going to win this tournament, and make my papa proud of me!' said Chi Chi 'And you won't stop me!'  
'We'll see about that!'  
The two launched themselves at each other at enormous speed and met halfway. Yamcha brought down a fist that Chi Chi leaped over, before striking him across the face with her boot. Yamcha reeled with the impact and was thrown from his feet, straight out of the ring to crash against the wall near Bulma, before sliding down to the ground.  
'What an amazing match, ladies, and gentlemen!' said Mr. Announcer 'I don't think we've ever seen so much emotional baggage brought on stage before in the ring! And now Chi Chi has become the youngest fighter to ever enter the finals of the world martial arts tournament.'

* * *

Kakarot tuned him out and made his way back to the backstage. His mind was now turning itself to more important matters. More specifically, why the monster who had killed his grandfather had coincidentally appeared to destroy Pilaf's Castle while he was blacked out. And more importantly, why Yamcha and Bulma had felt the need to lie to him about the creatures very existence.  
Kakarot also could not help but notice that every time the monster appeared, he was blacked out. Something didn't add up here. He saw Yamcha rising up, as the cheers from the crowd grew louder and 'And here is Yamcha, what a fighter!'  
Yamcha offered Chi Chi a hand. 'You are a really good martial artist, Chi Chi.'  
'Thanks,' said Chi Chi as she took his hand. 'you too.'  
For his part, Kakarot wanted to know what they were hiding. And why they were hiding it. 'I have to remember what happened those nights,' said Kakarot to himself. 'I have to remember…'

* * *

Nam, for his part, was disappointed in the result of the tournament. He had been hoping that Yamcha would win, that his time in this tournament might not have been wasted. However fate, it seemed, had been against him. He now was gathering together his possessions to leave before the others came back. He could afford no further delays. He would have to find another way.  
'That was a great match you fought,' said Jackie Chun to him. 'though I didn't get the chance to tell you so afterward.'  
'Thanks,' said Nam as he stood.  
'Aren't you going to hang around and watch the final two matches?' asked Jackie Chun.  
'I'd like to, but I have some problems that I need to address.' said Nam, before turning his thoughts inward. _'I must return to find a solution. But how can I face my little brother, and the elders, and my mother, without bringing back any money for water? I failed.'_  
'Hey Nam,' said Jackie Chun, and Nam turned to him. 'here catch.'  
He tossed him something, and Nam snatched it out of the air in one fist. It was a small red capsule. 'This is a dinocap. Isn't it?'  
'Yes,' said Jackie Chun.  
'Its empty,' said Nam 'I think this is the kind that is used just for storage.'  
'Right,' said Jackie Chun 'you can fit vast quantities of anything you want in that capsule. Food, building materials, nifty huh? A man could even transport a small reservoir of water singlehandedly with that capsule.'  
Nam was stunned. 'Uh… how did you know I am in great need of water?'  
'Minds are just like books, Nam.' said Jackie Chun ' They're easy to read if you know how.'  
Nam's eyes widened as he stared at the man in awe. Suddenly such was the majesty of experience and quiet strength that was unveiled in Jackie Chun, that it left only one possible answer. 'What that boy, Kakarot said is true!' he said 'You are Master Roshi aren't you!'  
'Quiet!' said Jackie Chun, on the verge of a freakout. 'They can't find out my secret.' He motioned to where Yamcha and the other four finalists were talking with each other. 'Let's talk elsewhere.'  
Outside the building, Nam and Jackie Chun spoke in private beneath the shade of a palm tree, and near a well. Nam asked the obvious question first: 'I don't understand, why are you keeping your true identity secret?'  
'The five fighters I was trying to get away from in there,' said Jackie Chun 'well four of them have been my students. The blonde one who changes to blue hair is called Launch, the little girl going to the finals is Chi Chi, the bald boy is Krillen and the one I'm facing next match is Kakarot.  
Kakarot is something else. He has tremendous talent, but I don't need to tell you that, you fought him yourself.'  
'Yes,' said Nam 'he seems unbeatable.'  
'Yes,' said Roshi 'that's why I came. To see to it that he doesn't win this tournament. You see, Kakarot and his fellow students are young, and they all want to be the best. To them, winning this tournament is a challenge they have to win to prove themselves. They all hope to get better at it in the hopes that one day they will be able to hang with the best.  
They have no idea that they are already at the pinnacle of the sport. Except for Kakarot, who is inches away from knowing it. When I first met him he was cold hearted and filled with anger and contempt for everything around him, but at the same time, I never forgot his eyes as he gazed at the ocean. He's a great warrior, but he has a lot more training to do before he's a good person. I'm afraid that if Kakarot wins this tournament, he might do something extremely reckless and walk down a darker path. And if he did that, I'm not sure I'd be able to stop him. The kid needs more time to mellow, to come to respect and love the world around him so that one day he can be a great martial artist like his Grandfather before him.'  
'But what about the others?' asked Nam.  
'If the others were to win this tournament, they would be the best and have nothing left to shoot for.' said Roshi 'But if they think that there are guys out there that are stronger than they are, like Jackie Chun for instance, then they will continue training like the wild animals they really are. Uninhibited by the pride which comes from victory. Launch is already taking steps to get better.  
So, Nam, I don't want the four of them to know how great they really are. That's why I came to beat the pants off of them!'  
'What about your hair?' asked Nam 'How do you get it to stay on your head when you are moving that fast?'  
'Believe it or not, it's glued on.' said Jackie Chun ruefully. 'It looks fine, but it inches like there is no tomorrow. The sacrifices I make.'  
'Thank you,' said Nam 'I'm honored that you trusted me with your secret.' He raised the capsule. 'Please, take this back. I appreciate that you gave it to me, but I'm afraid that I won't have any occasion to use it.'  
'Hmm?' said Roshi.  
'You see I was counting on the prize money,' said Nam looking downcast. 'Without that, I have no means to buy any water.'  
'No money huh?' asked Jackie Chun 'That's a shame, but come with me. I have something to show you.' He led Nam to the well and motioned to it. 'Notice anything unusual about that well?'  
'There are no moneychangers,' said Nam, perplexed.

'Right,' said Roshi 'you see in this region waters not scarce, it's abundant. You can take all you want, it's as free as the air we breathe.'  
'ITS FREE?!' said Nam incredulously.  
'May I have your attention please!' said Mr. Announcers voice, carrying over the walls. 'Would Jackie Chun and Kakarot please report to the arena! The second semifinal match is about to begin!'  
'Well,' said Roshi, stretching. 'here goes. See you later Nam.'

'I'll never forget what you did for me, Master Roshi.' said Nam 'Oops, I mean Jackie Chun. I'll never forget it ever.' In one simple act of kindness, Master Roshi had saved his entire village from thirst. It was all Nam could do not to cry with joy.

It was nothing,' said Roshi 'forget about it.' Suddenly he halted and rushed back. 'Actually, could you do me a favor?'

* * *

Jackie Chun made his way into the hall and found Yamcha standing leaning against the wall. The old man appraised him calmly. 'How much did you hear?'  
'You don't need to worry,' said Yamcha 'your secrets safe with me. I was just going to say goodbye to Nam, and I couldn't help but overhear. The way I see it Kakarot needs to be knocked out of this tournament sooner or later.'

'I'm surprised I didn't notice you,' said Roshi. 'where did you learn to skulk about like that?'  
'It's called hiding, and I'm a former bandit, it was part of the job.' said Yamcha. 'That was really generous of you, y'know. Those storage capsules aren't cheap.'

'I know,' said Roshi 'but in my experience, all the money in the world is small change compared to helping somebody else.' He walked past him. 'Your a talented martial artist, Yamcha. Maybe I'll teach you someday.'  
Yamcha watched him go. 'I may just take you up on that.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**  
Well, that was an intense chapter. I originally intended to have Kakarot just point out Bulma's hypocritical nature by accident, and curse as he realized he just kept Yamcha and Bulma together. However, instead, I ended up doing something much more dramatic.  
Believe it or not, even though Chi Chi was always going to win this fight, I seriously considered having Yamcha win it. However, I ultimately decided that since he'd already used all his techniques, him in the final match would be a bit played out.  
I'll admit, I'm looking forward to next fight a great deal, for reasons that will be yours to find out next time on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!

As for why Yamcha isn't as big about finding out Master Roshi's true identity in canon, I've always believed he was so insistent as a way to nurse his wounded ego over being effortlessly ringed out. After all, if Master Roshi did it to him then it isn't a mark against his skill. By that standard Master Roshi went out of his way to keep him in the dark because he wanted Yamcha to also get stronger. That and he would have revealed it to Goku and Krillen.


	25. Kakarot Vs Jackie Chun

**Chapter Twenty Five: Jackie Chun Vs Kakarot**

The time would soon come when Kakarot would face off against Jackie Chun in the second round of the tournament. Bulma hurriedly shouldered her way back to her place at the front, where Puar looked at her. 'Any luck?'

'No,' said Bulma 'I can't find Master Roshi anywhere in this crowd. I just can't believe he'd miss this fight, is all. He's got to be here somewhere.'

* * *

In the thirty-minute interval between the end of the fight, and the beginning of Kakarot's own match, Yamcha and Bulma had gone off on their own to talk. And if the way they were holding hands was any indication, they were back together again. So much for sweeping her off her feet, she had flatly rejected him. The exact reasons were irrelevant.

Consequently, he was in a bad mood. A really bad mood in fact and Yamcha's status as a graceful loser only added to his anger. As Jackie Chun entered the hall, Kakarot glared at him. 'Where the HFIL were you?'

'Just saying my goodbyes to Nam, is all.' said Jackie Chun 'I suppose we're up now.'

'Fair enough,' said Kakarot 'go on ahead, I'll catch up.' He didn't mean it.

Jackie Chun made his way out into the stadium, while Kakarot remained silent, staring at the wall. He wasn't sure why he was so bitter, but he was in no mood for a fight at the moment. Worse still, he had to put up with that paper thin disguise of Roshi's.

'And now ladies and gentlemen, a master Martial Artist who effortlessly overpowered Monster Beast Giran, please welcome Jackie Chun!' The cheers echoed throughout the ring, coming in through the door. 'Now we need only our other contestant! But where is he?'

Kakarot leaned back to lie on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't care about this tournament anymore. He waited and waited as concern grew at his lack of appearance and couldn't bring himself to give a damn. Let them disqualify him, it didn't matter. Some part of him told him he was being needlessly petty and would regret this later, but he didn't listen.

'Attention Kakarot, please report to the ring within two minutes, or you will be disqualified.'

Kakarot still didn't move. Finally, Krillin and the others arrived. 'Kakarot, what are you doing? If you don't go out now, you'll be forced to forfeit!'

'Whatever,' snapped Kakarot 'I don't really care.'

'This isn't like you,' said Chi Chi 'you've never been one to turn down a fight before.'

'Well, maybe I'm not in the mood for a fight!' snapped Kakarot 'This tournament doesn't matter anyway!'

'How can you say that after all we've been through to get this far?' asked Krillen. 'You can't just back out now!'

'Watch me,' snapped Kakarot, and he stood.

'So that's it then?' asked Yamcha 'You're just going to quit the tournament just like that? Without even trying to fight your match?'

'Pretty much,' said Kakarot 'I see no reason to entertain the sheep out there.' He then turned to leave.

'Attention Kakarot, you have one minute remaining!'

'Didn't think you were such a chicken Kakarot.' said Launch.

Kakarot stopped where he was and turned around. 'What did you just say?'

'What Launch is trying to say is that we shouldn't be too hard on you.' said Krillen slyly. 'I mean its obvious to anyone here that Jackie Chun is the superior fighter. So it does make sense for you to spare your own dignity and give up.'

'Go ahead and quit, we won't think less of you for it.'

It was a blatant case of emotional manipulation. Kakarot was fully aware that Krillen was playing on his pride, but it didn't matter. Because it had worked. 'Damn you!' he hissed, before stalking out into the ring.

As Krillen went to watch from the wall, Yamcha and Launch stood just out of earshot. After a moment, Launch glanced to Yamcha. 'Ya do know that's Master Roshi, right?'

'Oh yeah,' said Yamcha 'I'm just screwing with Kakarot at this point.'

* * *

'Oh, Kakarot, there you are.' said Mr. Announcer 'We were beginning to get worried. Alright folks, due to unfortunate circumstances Kakarot was delayed in his arrival to the stage.'

'Can we just get this over with.' snapped Kakarot, taking a stance.

'I didn't think you'd take so long to get out here.' noted Jackie Chun in concern. 'Is something wrong?'

'Nothing you need concern yourself with.' said Kakarot, suddenly feeling more irritated than ever. Why was it that Master Roshi insisted on wasting their time with this charade. His irritation only grew as a drum roll echoed.

'Begin!' cried Mr. Announcer.

'Okay time out!' snapped Kakarot raising. 'Does anyone here actually believe for even one second that this guy here is actually named Jackie Chun?'

'I do.' said Chi Chi.

'Me too.' said Krillen.

'Yep.' said Launch.

'Anyone besides my friends?' asked Kakarot.

'Look I don't know what to tell you,' said Jackie Chun 'other than I'm not Master Roshi! How many times do I have to repeat myself?!'

'Hey, Mr. Announcer,' said Kakarot 'seeing as Master Roshi entered the tournament under a fake name, shouldn't he be disqualified?'

'What do you mean?' snapped Jackie Chun 'There is nothing under the rules that says that I can't enter the tournament under an alias!'

'See!' said Kakarot 'He admits it! He entered the tournament under an alias!'

'…Is what I would say if I were Master Roshi,' finished Jackie Chun 'which I am not.'

'Oh stop it,' said Kakarot 'you aren't fooling anyone.'

'Mommy, why aren't Jackie Chun and the monkey boy fighting?' said a voice from the crowd.

'Quiet dear, the monkey boy is delusional.'

'You're not fooling anyone whose opinion matters!' snapped Kakarot.

'I know this isn't something you want to hear, Kakarot.' said Mr. Announcer gently. 'But judging by your standards, we ought to discount the opinions of everyone on the planet except you.'

'Perfect!' said Kakarot 'That's the first sensible thing anyone here has said all day!'

'Well if I'm Master Roshi,' said Jackie Chun 'then who is that hmm?' And he pointed into the crowd.

Kakarot turned to see a Master Roshi whose hunch was all wrong, whose arms were too muscular, whose skin was too dark, and who didn't smell of the sea. Admittedly Jackie Chun didn't smell of the sea either, but he had caught him using orange scented perfume or whatever it was called. He turned back, unimpressed. 'That is not, in fact, Master Roshi. That's Nam dressed in sunglasses with a flowery shirt on. Also, you were wearing a suit when last I saw you.'

'Well, maybe I changed outfits!' snapped Jackie Chun before realizing his mistake. 'Erm, uh… that was a joke y'see, I was pretending to be Master Roshi and… uh…'

'Incredible,' said Mr. Announcer 'it seems as though this match has been completely sidetracked by the farfetched claim that Master Roshi and Jackie Chun are the same person! Is this some new form of mind game on Kakarot's part, or is he just luring us into a false sense of security.'

'Oh to hell with it!' roared Kakarot.

He surged forward and with a brutal uppercut sent Jackie Chun flying up into the sky and out of the ring. Knowing that would not be enough, Kakarot launched himself into the sky until he was on Master Roshi's level, before readying himself.

'Kaaa… meee… haaa… meee…HAAAA!' roared Kakarot.

From his hands, he launched a massive beam of blue light at the falling form of Jackie Chun, which painted the surroundings in a blue light. However, Jackie Chun turned in midair and kicked the approaching beam, sending it skyward with one swift movement. He then launched a kamehameha wave towards the ground and propelled himself straight towards Kakarot, before dropkicking him in the face. It happened so quickly that Kakarot scarcely had time to react before he was sent spinning downwards toward the ring.

Both fell down to the ring. Jackie Chun touched down lightly, while Kakarot landed on his face, stunned clutching his chest. The pain was pretty bad, and he was certain he'd have a bruise later. Jackie Chun was rubbing his chin painfully.

'I must admit,' said Jackie Chun 'that hurt. But you won't take me off guard like that again.'

Kakarot answered with a roar as he surged to his feet and met the old master in a flurry of strikes. They moved in a circle, their arms and legs a blur between them as they battled for dominance. Finally, Jackie Chun struck Kakarot across the face, only to take a blow to the gut. Both of them staggered back, and Kakarot breathed.

Then Kakarot charged again, straight at Jackie Chun. Yet his fist passed straight through him, and Kakarot halted as Jackie Chun became blurred. A shadow loomed over him, and he ducked just in time to avoid being knocked out by a strike from behind. 'What the hell!' he said as he gained some distance between them.

'Afterimage technique,' said Jackie Chun, flashing a thumbs up to the audience. 'an oldie, but a goodie.'

'Will you just shut up and fight.' snapped Kakarot, before rushing him again.

This time he was not surprised when his fist phased through Master Roshi. He turned around as he heard footsteps behind him, and brought around a roundhouse kick at Jackie Chun. 'Did you really think the same trick would work on me twice!'

His leg phased through Jackie Chun, and he stopped.

At that moment Jackie Chun came down from above and slammed him into the ground. Kakarot landed hard, before scrambling up and getting some distance. 'As a matter of fact,' said Jackie Chun 'I didn't. So I used a double after image instead!'

'You're going to be seeing double for the rest of your life after I'm done with you, you old BASTARD!' roared Kakarot, before striking at him at him. However, Jackie Chun spun over his head and landed behind.

'You really should learn to calm down,' said Jackie Chun with a bored stretch. 'it's not healthy to take everything so seriously.'

Kakarot saw red.

* * *

'Whats this Kakarot seems to be attacking Jackie Chun in an absolute fury, but he can't seem to land a single hit! This looks bad for our young berserker folks!' said Mr. Announcer as the fight went on.

'What's up with Kakarot?' asked Bulma 'Why can't he hit him?'

'He's fighting sloppy,' said Puar 'Yamcha gets like this too when he gets really angry. He stops thinking about his moves, and just kind of attacks the problem head-on. Jackie Chun is playing him.'

Bulma had to do something.

With another fruitless roar, Kakarot tried in vain to beat Jackie Chun into the ground and ended up getting slapped down for his trouble. 'When I am done with you,' said Kakarot 'I will rip off every limb on your body and leave you a cripple for the rest of your life! Do you hear me?!'

'You know threats are best made when you can back them up.' said Jackie Chun with a yawn.

'Why you-'

'Kakarot calm down!' called Bulma from outside the ring. 'He's just trying to get you riled up, and you're falling for it. Think about what you are doing.'

* * *

Despite his anger, Kakarot realized she was right. Breathing in, he calmed himself little by little, then took a stance. An idea occurred to him, and he used it at once.

* * *

Kakarot was proving to be easier than Jackie Chun had expected. For some reason, the kid was in a fouler mood than Jackie had ever seen him. As a result, he was just going all out and tiring himself for no good reason. It was a pattern which Jackie had adapted to. Of course, now that Bulma had called on him to stop, it might be that Kakarot could become a serious problem. Of his four students, it was Kakarot that Jackie was most concerned with stopping.

'DIE!' roared Kakarot.

Apparently, the kid didn't feel like listening though, because he just charged forward as usual. Jackie leaped over the boy's predictable strike and brought a leg round to strike him in the back of the neck. His leg passed through nothing, and Jackie blinked. 'What?'

Then Kakarot slammed him in the back from behind, and Jackie scarcely managed to turn around before Kakarot was unleashing a furious assault. His arms moved faster and faster, and multiple hits got through, driving Jackie Chun farther and farther back. The boy's eyes were bloodshot, his mouth was roaring as he directed all his rage against him.

Jackie realized he was getting very close to the edge of the ring, and forced Kakarot to a halt. Striking the boy in the face, he ducked back from a kick, then leaped over him to land behind. 'Kamehameha!' Then he unleashed the beam.

It passed right through the boy as though he weren't there, and Jackie had to quickly redirect the beam away from the crowd. As he did that he looked up to see Kakarot directly above him, summoning power to his hands. Jackie followed suit.

'Kaa… me… ha… me… HAA!' roared Kakarot and Jackie Chun.

Their waves shot towards each other to meet in the middle. White light consumed everything, as umbrellas were knocked off their stands. Bulma's hair blew around her as the terrible combat waged. For a moment their blasts dueled for dominance as Kakarot was pushed gradually up. Then Jackie wavered, and suddenly the waved exploded into light. Jackie was thrown to the ground, while Kakarot was sent flying up into the sky beyond sight. There was a slight twinkle in the sky above.

'Wow, after a brutal beam match, Kakarot appears to have been sent beyond sight by Jackie Chun's kamehameha wave! I think it's fair to start counting for a ring out. One, two, three, four, five-'

Kakarot landed with a crash on the ring floor and lay still.

'He's still down,' said Jackie Chun, standing up. 'keep counting.'

'Right,' said Mr. Announcer. 'six, seven, eight, nine-'

And then Kakarot was up, roaring like a beast and charging at Jackie Chun, even as he rose to meet the new assault. In a flurry of fists and feet they fought back and forth, both taking hits and both shouldering through them. On and on it went, with Kakarot gaining the advantage little by little by sheer youthful energy.

Mr. Announcer had thus far been speechless. 'Wow, what a show! Kakarot has launched a vicious offensive, and Jackie Chun is straining to hold him back! But can the old master keep this up?'

* * *

Bulma stared in shock as Kakarot continued his attack. He looked more like a wild beast right now than the boy she had come to care for, and it scared her badly. Jackie Chun, however, remained focused, and suddenly their fists met halfway and they leaped back, facing each other down from a distance.

'…I'll give you this, old man.' snarled Kakarot with a growl 'You are hard to put down.'

* * *

Despite himself, Jackie Chun, or rather Master Roshi, was impressed. _'In a day, Kakarot has learned a move it took me fifty years to master. And in eight months, he has learned to wield its power with incredible strength.'_ He thought to himself.

Cheers broke out from the crowd as they both stood there, growing louder and louder as the waiting went on. Bulma got in on it herself, realizing that she should be cheering her friend's success. 'Your the best Kakarot!' she called. 'Keep it up, kid!'

'Remember this day, folks!' said the Announcer 'This may be the only time you see two masters of the legendary kamehameha wave in the same arena! The first is Jackie Chun, and the second is this amazing boy Kakarot!'

Bulma and Puar smiled at each other. Meanwhile, across the ring, they saw Yamcha and the others joining in on the cheering. Kakarot looked around, a stunned look on his face, and after a moment waved to the crowds, shaken free from his anger for a moment.

 _'_ _Yes,'_ thought Roshi _'Kakarot is amazing, and dangerous too. I really didn't expect him to do this well. No matter, it will all be over with my next attack.'_

'Now let the match continue!' cried Mr. Announcer 'So far these two incredible martial artists have fought to a draw! But keep your eyes open, because at some point that's got to change! Only one of them can advance to the finals!'

Jackie Chun began to take a stance, while Kakarot smiled. 'This may actually be a decent fight after all,' said Kakarot.

'Having fun are we?' asked Jackie Chun 'Well try this on-'

'RAAAAGH!' roared Kakarot as he charged him.

Jackie Chun had no time for techniques, he simply had to defend himself. The two fought on and on in a flurry of punches and kicks without end. Every time one of them was knocked down, he would rise again to attack once again. Kakarot fought with unrelenting savagery, but Chun had the greater skill and so was able to control his assault. Then Jackie Chun leaped over Kakarot and gained some distance.

'Now, I will use-'

'AAAAAHHH!' roared Kakarot as he surged forward again and cut him off.

'It looks like Jackie Chun is trying to initiate some secret hidden technique!' said Mr. Announcer 'But Kakarot is simply refusing to let him! What a pragmatist!'

On and on the fight went, with Kakarot repeatedly beating Jackie's guard until the guard broke, and he sent Jackie Chun reeling back. 'Damn it you little runt, let me finish my attack!'

'Why should I?' asked Kakarot as he lunged. 'Your primary advantage is in your wealth of techniques, so all I have to do is keep you from using them, and soon I'll have you beaten!'

Jackie blocked a flying kick and slammed Kakarot down. 'Alright you little runt, you want a fist fight, then let's go!'

The two fighters continued their duel without end for what seemed an eternity. Both were slamming each other with everything they had. However little by little Jackie Chun seemed to slow in his moves. He was falling behind and took several strikes before staggering to near the edge of the ring and falling to one knee.

'Alright!' said Bulma 'Kakarot must have more endurance than Jackie Chun! He's going to win!'

With a roar, Kakarot charged towards Master Roshi in a flying kick which surged towards the waning master who promptly stepped aside as Kakarot flew right past him. Yet at the last minute Kakarot adjusted his posture, and landed feet first on the side of the wall, kicking off it, he surged back the way he had come-

Right into Jackie Chun's fist.

Kakarot fell back and landed with a crash on the ground, his arms and legs splayed out about him. Then there was absolute silence. Silence so deep that you could hear a pin drop a thousand miles away. So deep that if silence was golden, it would be 22 kerat gold.

Finally, the Announcer spoke. 'Amazing! Although Kakarot made an impressive recovery from overshooting his target, it seems that Jackie Chun was too quick for him. Jackie Chun is advancing to the finals! I repeat as of this moment, ladies and gentlemen, we have our finalists!

Join us in thirty minutes for the final fight of the world martial arts tournament! Chi Chi Vs Jackie Chun.'

Kakarot was lying on the ground, eyes vacant and mouth wide-eyed. Bulma stepped over the wall and ran to his side alongside Puar. 'Hey, Kakarot, you alright kid, right? Please tell me you're alright!'

'But Grandpa Gohan…' slurred Kakarot 'I don't want to go to high school, it undermines the entire point of my character… I'm supposed to be a book dumb idiot hero with no idea how… modern… society… works…' He dropped off again.

'I think Jackie Chun hit him a little too hard.' reflected Puar.

'Well, what do you expect?' asked Jackie Chun. 'That kid is a maniac.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

HA! I bet none of you saw that coming!

I think I'd better just end here. I gotta admit, I've been looking forward to doing the script scene ever since I figured out that Kakarot wouldn't make it to the final round. As decisions go it was far easier to make than I thought it would be. For one thing, Goku being a primary contender for the champ is practically a pillar of canon. He _always_ makes it to the final round. I figured subverting that tradition would be a nasty little surprise to keep you guys on your toes.

That's right folks, Kakarot does not have a free ticket to the final match in _any_ of the tournaments. He'll have to earn it. Whether he will, well I guess we'll find out, won't we?

Secondly, in regards to the fourth wall breaking sequence, keep in mind that this is still dragonball. A simpler time when Krillen being reminded that Akira Toriyama didn't draw him with a nose allowed him to achieve victory. I figure I'll use the lighthearted setting while I can, and then drop it when appropriate.

Also, the reason Kakarot lost to Jackie Chun is because he's _not_ Goku. Goku was having the time of his life and played around with all kinds of weird abilities. Kakarot, in sharp contrast, is much more a fan of a straight up brawl and refuses to play around with special abilities.

 **Edit:**

After due consideration, I decided the fourth wall breaking sequence was too out of place, even for Dragonball. I've removed it now, and the chapter is a bit shorter.


	26. The Grand Finale

**Chapter Twenty Six: The Grand Finale**

The crowds had gathered far and wide to witness the spectacle of the World Martial Arts Tournament. And what a spectacle it had been! More people were joining the crowds late, while the cameras rolled on the action without end. Across the whole world, the matches had played out and delighted the hopes and imaginations of children and adults alike.

Yamcha was not anywhere near the ring at the moment. He was taking a risk by leaving the area, but he could afford to not see a bit of the fight to say goodbye. He caught up with Nam just as the man was reaching the docks, about to board his ship.

'Hey, Nam! Wait up!' called Yamcha.

'Yamcha,' said Nam in surprise. 'what are you doing here?'

'You didn't think I'd let you go without at least saying goodbye.' said Yamcha. 'Did you find a solution to the water problem?'

'Yes,' said Nam 'it was simpler than I expected. Who knew that water was free? Actually, why didn't you tell me?'

'I'll level with you,' said Yamcha 'I'm more of an act first and think later kind of guy. I didn't even consider that angle to the whole thing.'

'I suppose I am as well,' reflected Nam 'had I checked the prices on water much hassle might have been avoided. Even so, I thank you for your efforts. Did things work out for you and Bulma?'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'we talked it over. Its all in the past now.' He paused. 'Will you be coming in for the next tournament? We never did get our match.'

Nam smiled. 'I may, actually. Five hundred thousand zeni is no small amount, and it could be used to great effect at my village.'

'Then I guess I'll see you then.' said Yamcha 'You'd better train hard, Nam. Because I'm going to be training just as hard in the meantime.'

'I will.' said Nam, and they shook hands.

'All aboard!' called a crew member.

'I have to get on my ship,' said Nam 'farewell my friend. If you ever pass by my village again, stop in and say hello.'

'Right, I'll be sure to do that.' said Yamcha 'I need to see the final round anyway.' A smile crossed both their faces, and then they went their separate ways.

Yamcha ran through the streets, nearly bowling over several people in his haste as he made his way towards the Tournament. As he made his way through the crowd, he saw Bulma looking over the wall of the match. Puar smelled him and turned around, but he put one finger to his lips in a gesture for silence. Moving very quietly, Yamcha snuck up behind Bulma and gripped shoulders. 'Boo!'

She jumped, and turned around, before breathing in relief. 'Don't scare me like that Yamcha!'

'Sorry,' said Yamcha 'did I miss anything?'

'No,' said Bulma 'Chi Chi and Jackie Chun have just come out. It hasn't started yet.'

'Perfect timing, I guess.' said Yamcha.

'By the way,' said Bulma 'did you see Master Roshi anywhere?'

Yamcha smiled in a roguish fashion. 'I'm sure he's around. Trust me.'

Then they watched.

Mr. Announcer had not seen a tournament like this in many years and came forward to watch the two finalists. Jackie Chun stood still and silent like a statue, his eyes closed as he focused. At the same time, Chi Chi was busy stretching and doing pushups to warm each other up. It was a contrast which worked well. Young against old, male against female, youthful exuberance against old experience.

'Now then,' he said as he walked forward. 'before we begin let's have a word with our two finalists!' He approached Chi Chi, who was bending over backward and offered her the mike. 'Chi Chi, could you tell us a little bit about your strategy going into this bout?'

'My strategy?' asked Chi Chi, blinking.

'Yes, your plans for winning the fight.' said Mr. Announcer.

Chi Chi stood up straight while thinking about it. 'I'm supposed to have a plan? I didn't know!'

Mr. Announcer paused, waiting for more, as Chi Chi began to do pushups. Evidently, no answer was forthcoming. So he rose up. 'Well, there you have it! A girl of few words indeed-'

'Oh I forgot to mention that when I win the prize money I'm going to buy a new castle for my papa and me to live in because Master Roshi accidentally blew our old one up!' said Chi Chi, snatching away the mike. 'Also I figure I'll buy a lot of really nice clothes!' Then she passed the mike back.

'-but I guess you don't really have to have a plan when you've made it all the way to the finals!'

Cheers broke out from the crowd that deafened the ears as people waved their arms, and clapped their hands in enthusiasm. It went on for quite a few moments, before little by little dying down. Finally, Mr. Announcer spoke again. 'Now it's time to talk to our next competitor, Jackie Chun! And I'm sure that this fighting veteran is going to have plenty to say!'

He made his way over to Jackie and offered him the mike. 'Jackie, what are your plans for this match?' There was no answer. 'Jackie? Mr. Chun?' People leaned forward, eager to hear what Jackie Chun had to say. Suddenly a low snoring noise came from his mouth. 'Well… er… uh… he seems to be sleeping right now.' Dragging out a pocket cloth he wiped his brow nervously. 'Just like a true master, extremely relaxed before the big fight.'

* * *

'…So what do you think Chi Chi's chances are?' asked Krillen.

'She doesn't have one.' said Kakarot 'I'm the strongest out of all of us, so if I couldn't beat him there is no way she'll be able to.'

'Don't you think you're being a bit of a sore loser?' asked Krillen. 'I mean Chi Chi got farther in the tournament than all of us.'

'Shut up Krillen.'

* * *

Then a drum roll began. A rolling booming noise resounded throughout the ring as many orange clad monks beat on drums with sticks. Chi Chi and Jackie Chun faced each other down, just watching as the suspense grew and grew. Bulma leaned forward. 'Here we go…' she said, taking a deep breath.

On and on the drum beats went, going faster and faster as Chi Chi finished taking a stance, and Jackie Chun opened his eyes. He took an aggressive stance and exhaled audibly, and it seemed as though flames were surrounding him. Yet Chi Chi followed suit and seemed to be surrounded by a similar aura.

'Let the match begin!' cried Mr. Announcer.

The gong was sounded. Jackie Chun rushed forward with a war cry towards Chi Chi.

'Oh!' cried Mr. Announcer 'Jackie Chun has taken the offensive, he's looking for another quick victory!' Jackie Chun surged forward, only to pass through Chi Chi as though she weren't there. Bulma looked up to see Chi Chi hurtling through the air above.

Yet Jackie Chun was too quick and backflipped up after her as she began her descent back to earth. The silhouette of the two was framed against the backdrop of the sun before Jackie Chun kicked her far away beyond the ring into the distance.

'Just like that she's out?' asked Yamcha 'Master- I mean Jackie Chun really has lived up to his reputation.'

'Oh,' said Bulma in disappointment. 'she lost the match.'

'Chi Chi never had a chance.' reflected Puar with a sigh.

* * *

'Told ya so.' said Kakarot, oozing with satisfaction.

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Krillen and Launch at once.

* * *

Jackie Chun took some satisfaction from his victory. 'Foolish girl, if I've told her once I've told her a thousand times. Danger is the nosy next door neighbor of security. If she'd just remembered that, she might not have lost so quickly.'

* * *

Meanwhile Chi Chi had gotten into a cross-legged position as she hurtled through the air towards her inevitable ring out. 'Well this is bad.' she reflected 'What do I do now?'

Then the obvious solution occurred to her.

* * *

Jackie Chun was busy making victory signs to the audience while laughing to himself in triumph. 'It would seem Jackie Chun has done it again!' cried Mr. Announcer.

'What did ya expect?' asked Jackie. 'Eh heh heh.'

'Despite his advanced age,' said Mr. Announcer 'this seasoned martial artist continues to amaze! In what may be record time he's managed to defeat yet another opponent with minimal effort!'

'It's what I do.' said Jackie Chun.

'Look!' cried someone. 'Up there in the sky!'

Bulma looked up. 'Hmm, whats happening?' She followed peoples gaze as a murmur arose throughout the crowd. A gleaming was seen in the sky, and Bulma's face broke into a smile. 'It's Chi Chi!' she cried 'Look!'

Jackie Chun was shaken from his revelry as his gaze turned upward.

Puar cheered aloud, as similar cries came from the crowd. Chi Chi descended down from the heavens, atop a golden Nimbus Cloud and stepped off it, smiling. 'Hello again! You really caught me off guard there.'

'Why you little…' began Jackie Chun 'You were out! That Nimbus Cloud is an outside tool!'

'Ladies and gentlemen,' said Mr. Announcer 'the match has come under protest. Give us a moment and the judges will make their verdict.'

There was a long pause. Then Mr. Announcer spoke again. 'The judges have ruled that since the cloud was part of the natural habitat, Chi Chi's recovery stands. However, if she uses the Nimbus Cloud again, she will be disqualified.'

'Well then, I guess I'd better just make sure I don't need to use it.' said Chi Chi.

'You're pretty arrogant for someone who almost lost!' cried Roshi 'That cloud is all that saved you!'

'Actually, I could have flown back with a kamehameha wave like you did.' said Chi Chi 'But I figured it would be nice to save that for later.'

'Quit kidding yourself girl!' snapped Jackie Chun 'That technique is far too difficult for a child to perform! You can't do it?'

'Yes, I can!' snapped Chi Chi.

'You think so?' asked Jackie 'Well, we'll see about that.' And he cupped his hands together. 'Are you so sure of your kamehameha waves that you'd try one against me? The man who invented them!'

'You invented?' asked Chi Chi 'You're lying! The kamehameha wave is Master Roshi's technique!'

'Eh…' Jackie Chun halted 'well of course it is! Heh, how silly, of course, he did it first!'

'Then why did you say you invented it?' asked Chi Chi accusingly.

'Because he's Master Roshi!' called Kakarot from the wall.

'Uh… my kamehameha waves are… well, they're different!'

'No they aren't!' snapped Kakarot. 'Because you and Master Roshi are the same person!'

'Really?' asked Chi Chi 'How are they different?'

'Kid, has anyone ever told you that you ask too many questions?' asked Jackie Chun. He turned away and began to think. 'Why… why it's uh… it's perfectly obvious isn't it?' He turned back to her. 'First, I balance! Then I stretch! Next, I focus my entire body with some mild aerobics!' Then he returned to his stance. 'Like I said: different.'

'Oh come on!' said Kakarot.

'Kaaa… meee… haaa… meee…' began Jackie Chun,

'Kamehameha!' snapped out Chi Chi before launching a beam of light that surged across the ring before Jackie could finish his assault. The old Master stepped aside, as Chi Chi's blast passed him, and narrowly avoided being hit head on. The beam surged up past the audience and exploded in the sky above, painting the whole town blue with its light.

'HAAA!' finished Jackie Chun, before launching his own assault that Chi Chi scrambled away from just in time. It exploded above with a flash even more brilliant that had the audience shielding their eyes from the flare.

* * *

'I don't get how Chi Chi can use the kamehameha wave so easily and quickly.' said Krillen. 'When did she learn it?'

'Well when Launch and I were practicing,' said Kakarot 'we accidentally woke her up and she joined in.'

'The kids got some weird ability to summon her energy really quickly.' said Launch 'I have no idea how she does it.'

'Wait, so I'm the only person who didn't learn the kamehameha wave!' said Krillen. 'Why didn't you guys wake me up!'

'It's not my fault you sleep like a log.' said Kakarot.

* * *

Despite himself, Jackie Chun was impressed.

 _'_ _Chi Chi has truly exceeded my expectations for her,'_ thought Jackie Chun to himself. _'when her Father was this age he was nowhere near this powerful. Yet she has not only surpassed him but also mastered the kamehameha. I never thought anyone could fire one that quickly. I'll have to keep on my toes._

 _Even so, my next attack will finish this.'_

He could, of course, just stop holding back and completely thrash her. However, he wanted to impress the need for variety on his students. It was a lesson Kakarot needed to learn anyway.

'Now let the match continue!' cried Mr. Announcer 'So far these two incredible finalists have fought to a draw, but keep your eyes open! Only one of them can be named, the Champion of the World!'

For a moment the two stood in silence, waiting for the other to make the first move. A bead of sweat dripped down Jackie Chun's face, as he adjusted his posture. Chi Chi watched him carefully with a look of concentration. Then all of a sudden Jackie Chun phased out of existence, leaving two shadows in his place.

Chi Chi looked at each of them. 'Which one is the real one?' she wondered 'How do I tell?' Rushing towards one, she struck it quickly, only to have her hand phase through it. At once she turned to the other shadow.

'I'm sorry,' said Jackie Chun behind her. 'were you looking for me!'

Up came his leg, and Chi Chi was sent flying towards the wall. However, she spun round in midair and landed feet first, kicking off the wall as it crumbled behind her and landing back in the ring in a stance.

'The double after image,' said Jackie Chun in satisfaction. 'that usually works.'

'My turn!' said Chi Chi 'And I'm not going to hold back!' And then she phased out of existence.

'You little copycat!' snapped Jackie Chun as he saw the images. 'You think you can use my own trick on me! Do you? Well, it's not going to work!' He glanced back and saw the other one. 'Just as I thought, a double after image, Not to worry, I know right where to find you!' Then he punched at where Chi Chi was coming at him from the flank.

His hand passed through her as though it had hit only air. Jackie Chun glanced around in a panic for any sign of her.

'Up here!' called Chi Chi as she descended upon his back and dealt him a double-fisted blow to the head, before leaping off. Jackie Chun fell to the ground with a crash, as cheers broke out from the crowd. Chi Chi landed and looked at Jackie Chun in concern. 'Are you alright? I used a triple after image, just so you know. I sort of invented it on the fly, but it seems to have worked.'

Jackie Chun arose looking very annoyed as he rubbed his head painfully. 'So what do you think?'

'New rule,' said Jackie Chun 'no hitting your teacher in the head!'

'What?' said Chi Chi 'But you aren't my teacher! My teacher is Master Roshi!'

'Oh come on!' screamed Kakarot from the sidelines.

Jackie Chun evidently realized his mistake. 'Of course, he is!' he laughed 'I know that I just got a little confused is all!'

Chi Chi stared at him in suspicion, as she thought about what all this meant. He looked like Master Roshi, except with hair, he fought like Master Roshi. He knew Master Roshi's moves and confused himself with Master Roshi.

'What?' said Jackie Chun 'What is it, why are you looking at me like that?'

'I've got it!' she said in triumph. 'I've figured it out!'

'Finally!' roared Kakarot as Jackie Chun looked incredibly worried.

'Your Master Roshi's brother!' said Chi Chi.

'AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!' screamed Kakarot skyward.

'Eh…' said Jackie Chun 'Oh, yeah you got me! We're family alright!'

'That explains why you look like him.' said Chi Chi.

Then Jackie Chun took out a scroll from his sleeve and opened it. It appeared to be a genealogical chart tracing the lineage of Master Roshi and Jackie Chun. 'Yeah, but see I'm not actually his brother. Here look, you see, I'm his cousin. Eheheheheheheh.'

Chi Chi looked at the chart with interest. 'Wow, your family all looks very alike don't they?'

'Yep, it's in the blood.' said Jackie Chun, before looking around at the doubtful crowd. 'Well, I am you know! Really! Ehahahahaha!' Then suddenly he became serious. 'But this is no time for laughing, we have a match to finish!'

He suddenly raised one hand into the air above him, and took a stance, while Chi Chi took her own. Then suddenly Jackie Chun's posture became unsteady and woozy, his eyes became unfocused as he moaned and groaned drunkenly. A blush creeped onto his cheeks, as he staggered back and forth.

Chi Chi looked on, perplexed and a little worried. 'Mr. Chun, are you alright? Should I call an ambulance?'

'Oh!' said Mr. Announcer 'And Jackie Chun is staggering wildly about the ring! Either he's a little punch drunk from that last attack, or he's taken one too many pulls off the old flask if you know what I mean.'

Suddenly Jackie Chun fell backward, and Chi Chi moved forward to support him. 'Mr. Chun, I think we should get you medical attent-OW!' She said ow because at that moment Jackie Chun struck her across the head. 'What did you do that for?'

If Jackie Chun heard her, then he showed no sign of it. He merely staggered all the more unsteadily towards her. Chi Chi approached, looking a little concerned, and then she was kicked in the face by Jackie Chun and sent flying away. What was going on?

'Don't be fooled Chi Chi!' called Yamcha 'He's using the drunken boxing technique! He's only pretending to be tipsy!'

* * *

Kakarot, for his part, had known all along what Jackie Chun was doing. That was why he had not said anything at all because he didn't care who won the tournament once his chances of winning it were done. Even so, he wondered how Jackie Chun knew one of his grandfather's specialties. Oh, wait, Jackie Chun was Master Roshi.

Chi Chi launched a flying kick and was instantly knocked back down by Jackie Chun to land with a crash, clutching her head.

'Whats this?' asked Mr. Announcer 'It seems there may be some method to Jackie's madness after all!'

Jackie began clapping. 'Whats this? Everybody dance!' And then he began dancing too and fro while slurring incoherent lyrics. 'Then again, he could just be out of his gourd.'

Chi Chi launched another assault, only to be dodged and kicked in the gut. As she reeled backward, clutching herself, Jackie fell to the ground and kicked her in the chest, sending her sprawling as he arose and stomped on her.

'Uh oh! It looks like Chi Chi is having trouble staying on her feet!' said Mr. Announcer.

'Having some trouble, Chi Chi?' asked Jackie Chun 'Yes, its hard to drunken box if you've never been drunk before!' As Chi Chi clutched her injuries pained, Jackie Chun advanced. 'Last call!' said Jackie Chun 'Everybody go, time to go home!'

Chi Chi turned and raced towards the edge of the ring.

'Wait…' said Jackie Chun 'you know I didn't mean that literally right?'

'Kamehameha!' roared Chi Chi, before firing herself towards Jackie Chun like a rocket. She slammed into his chest and sent them both sprawling over the floor. Yet Chi Chi quickly got to her feet, even as Jackie Chun rose up himself. 'Kamehameha!'

Once again she shot like a rocket and slammed into him at full speed, sending him staggering as she landed at the edge of the ring. 'Kamehameha!'

'Incredible!' said Mr. Announcer 'Chi Chi is using the kamehameha wave to propel herself like a rocket to crash into Jackie Chun! What a creative girl! Once again the tides of this match have turned to Chi Chi's advantage! It looks like Jackie Chun has an uphill battle to fight if he hopes to regain control!'

However, Jackie Chun arose in new power, as magic surged through him. 'Fool… I'm not out of this yet… in fact… I've already won…'

'Um… I don't think the tournament works like that.' said Chi Chi.

'Whats this?' asked Mr. Announcer 'Jackie Chun has just named himself the winner! But lets watch and see if he has the moves to back up his talk! I wouldn't be surprised if this fighting master still has a few tricks up his sleeve!' Jackie Chuns eyes glowed red as the audience watched in awe. 'This doesn't look good for Chi Chi, Jackie's gathering the energy for his next attack which may be the only one he'll need to win this match and become World Champion!'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay so apparently Kakarot getting knocked out in the second round wasn't as surprising as I had hoped it would be. Oh well, better luck next time I guess.

This fight is going to be a multi-parter like in canon. I tried to mix things up a bit so that it didn't read exactly the same. The lack of a monkey style techniques comes from the fact that Chi Chi is not quite as crazy awesome as young Goku.

It's funny I really feel like Goku was most interesting as a kid, back when he just did crazy stuff for the heck of it. Once he becomes an adult, he stops being crazy awesome and just kind of becomes an incredibly neglectful husband and father who ditches lifelong friends to hang out with former mass murderers.


	27. Number One Under the Moon

**Chapter Twenty Seven: Number One Under the Moon**

Ox King hurried off the plane, his boxes in hand as he rushed through customs as quickly as his legs could carry him. He lumbered on through the streets, hurrying with all his might to watch the Tournament. 'Oh I hope it hasn't already ended!' he said 'If I miss this, Chi Chi will be heartbroken!'

On he ran, hoping against hope to get there in time.

* * *

Chi Chi stood against Master Roshi, preparing for his next assault as the old man moaned in a ghostlike fashion, moving his arms back and forth as he stepped this way and that. He looked very mysterious, and powerful as he inched closer and closer to the girl, who stared intently. Sweat dripped down the side of her face as she waited for the inevitable blow to come about. The audience watched, awestruck and riveted by the old masters power. Chi Chi gulped as the attack came towards her.

Jackie Chun's eyes flared white as he spoke in a hypnotic voice. 'You… are… so… sleepy…' He said, and Chi Chi felt it.

The girl's eyes drooped, and her stance fell away, only for her to force herself awake and to take her stance again. 'Wha… what?'

'You… are… so… tired… when… you… hear… me… speak… your… eyelids… will… drop…'

'That… that's odd…' said Chi Chi 'I feel so drowsy…'

'You… are… a… sleepy… girl…'

Chi Chi fell asleep and landed with a crash on the ring. Murmurs broke out from the crowd as everyone stared in confusion and disappointment.

'Well, that… was anticlimactic.' said Kakarot after a moment.

'She dozed off!' said Launch.

Jackie Chun relaxed his posture with satisfaction. 'The sleepy boy technique, eheheheheheh!' He turned to the audience and flashed a victory sign. 'I win!'

'Uh… hold on!' said Mr. Announcer 'That was hypnotism, you're supposed to use martial arts in this tournament!'

'Oh come on,' said Jackie Chun 'the sleepy boy is a martial arts classic. Now just count to ten, will ya?'

'But… just think about how the fans are going to react if we end the tournament this way?' asked Mr. Announcer, thinking about the possible lynchings which might occur. 'Kind of anticlimactic, y'know?'

'Who cares about the fans?!' snapped Jackie Chun 'It's the girls own darn fault for being stupid enough to fall for it! Now start counting or I'll sleepy boy you!'

'Oh gosh!' said Mr. Announcer, looking at Chi Chi and raising the mike. 'And one, and two, um… three,' murmurs of anger and disappointment came from the crowd. There would be blood tonight.

* * *

'The kids going to sleep her chance for victory away!' said Launch 'We've got to do something to wake her up!'

'I've got an idea,' said Krillen 'quick, fire your machine gun up in the air.'

Launch drew out her machine gun and opened fire into the air, causing Jackie Chun to flinch as the air was filled with the rattle of gun fire.

'four,'

* * *

Jackie Chun watched their efforts with confidence. 'They can shoot the breeze all they want. Chi Chi won't wake up until I tell her to myself.' He slipped his hands into his pockets and admired his handiwork. 'Fighting in disguise might lack the glam, but it was worth it.'

* * *

The gun clicked empty as Kakarot watched. Why did the fools even bother? Chi Chi didn't stand a chance of winning this tournament, to begin with.

'five,'

'Get another clip in there!' said Krillen.

'I'm out!' snapped Launch 'You think I have limitless ammunition!'

'six,'

* * *

Jackie Chun looked at the prone student before his feet. She had done very well, all of his students had done well. However now things were over. With Chi Chi and all the rest thinking that there was someone stronger than them, they would keep getting better.

'seven,'

Kakarot saw a figure shoving his way through the crowds, a very familiar figure. He had a beard and wore a Viking hat and a white shirt and overalls. Where had he seen him before?

'nine,'

It clicked into place. Kakarot had no idea why he did what he did next, but he did it anyway. 'Chi Chi!' called Kakarot as he leaped up. 'Your father is here!'

Her eyes snapped open just like that, and she rose up, looking around as the Ox King came to the front. 'I'm here Chi Chi, please don't be mad! My plane got delayed, and I had trouble getting my axe through customs!'

'Papa, you came!' cried Chi Chi in glee. 'I made it to the final round papa! Isn't that amazing!'

'What!' said Jackie Chun, eyes bulging out of their sockets. 'T-that's impossible!'

'That was close,' said Krillen.

'Nice thinking kid,' said Launch.

'Whatever,' said Kakarot 'she's still going to lose.'

Chi Chi and Jackie Chun renewed their battle, clashing arms, and legs as their combat went on. Jackie Chun forced her to dodge backward with a karate chop, and she backflipped some five feet away, before charging. Bringing around her fist, she clobbered Jackie Chun right on the bridge of his nose, and the old master fell backward, bleeding as he did so.

'Oh my!' cried Mr. Announcer 'Jackie Chun has gone down!'

'Yay Chi Chi!' cried the Ox King 'I'm so proud!'

Cheers echoed throughout the crowd, as the Announcer began to count. 'One, two, three, four, five,' And then Jackie Chun began to arise once more. 'Uh oh, he might get up. Six! Seven!' And then Jackie Chun was on his feet, looking quite annoyed. 'He made it! Jackie Chun is back in the fight!'

Cheers broke out anew for the martial artist. The only thing the fans loved more than a knockout, was a recovery from one. 'That last blow took a lot out of him,' said Mr. Announcer 'but he's still swinging! So here we are folks, knee deep into the tournaments final match! On the one hand is Jackie Chun's experience and superior technique and on the other the youthful energy of Chi Chi! The sun is sinking low, but this amazing fight has yet to be settled! Can a winner prevail before nightfall?!'

'Chi Chi,' called Launch 'stay strong, you're so close kid!'

'Yeah,' said Krillen 'I can practically smell it.'

'Is that so?' said Jackie Chun to himself. _'I have no choice but to use the technique. It's dangerous but… well… maybe it won't kill her…'_

'Let's finish this match, shall we Mr. Chun?' said Chi Chi with a demure smile.

Jackie Chun dropped his stance. Perplexed, Chi Chi did as well. 'I'm sorry my girl, but you have lost the fight.'

'No I haven't,' said Chi Chi 'we're not done fighting yet.'

'I'll try to make it quick,' said Jackie Chun.

'Huh?' said Chi Chi, not at all sure what to think as Jackie Chun rolled up his sleeves.

'Chi Chi, attack him before he can use his special ability!' cried Kakarot. 'Strike him now!'

'Now that doesn't seem very polite Kakarot,' said Chi Chi 'it seems only fair to let him finish his attack before I return the favor. You have a to learn about manners.'

'I really don't like using this technique,' said Jackie sadly. it's an emergency attack when nothing else works. This is the second time I've used it. The first time was on the great warrior Gohan, Kakarot's master.'

'Wait,' said Chi Chi 'you knew Kakarot's master?'

'Of course, he knew my master, he trained him!' snapped Kakarot 'He is Master Roshi!'

'Not now, Kakarot!' said Chi Chi.

Jackie Chun raised his hands, then clapped them together. He then began to focus intently.

'I don't know if you can hear, folks.' said Mr Announcer 'But Jackie Chun has just made a strange declaration. According to him, he's already won the fight! But… wait a second, thats my call! Whats he up to!'

Electricity began to surround Jackie as his focus increased, and the sound of lightning echoed as he put forth his hands.

'Amazing! Jackie Chun is a walking encyclopedia of fighting techniques, and from the looks of it this latest technique is a finishing move!'

Chi Chi began to look worried, but still stood there and did nothing.

'Chi Chi, attack him now! Before its too late!' yelled Kakarot.

'Do it Chi Chi!' said Launch.

'Move now!' cried Krillen.

'It certainly looks powerful,' said Mr Announcer 'but what we all must be wondering is, what exactly does it do?'

Krillen's gaze had turned away from the match for a moment as he gazed at something entirely different. Kakarot looked at him in surprise. 'What are you looking at, Krillen?'

'The moon,' said Krillen 'its out in full this early.'

Kakarot on reflex averted his gaze. Then it struck him. 'The moon… I was looking at the moon when it happened.'

'What?' said Krillen.

Jackie Chun's eyes flared yellow as Chi Chi took a fearful step back. Then Jackie Chun yelled aloud: 'LIGHTNING FLASH SURPRISE ATTACK!' Then he thrust his hands forward, and lightning surged around Chi Chi.

The girls screamed as it took her up into the air. Her hair stood on end, as she shuddered and screamed in pain.

Bulma watched in horror. 'He… he's going to kill her!'

'Amazing!' said Mr Announcer 'What a fight!'

'Whats happening Yamcha?' asked Bulma.

'I've heard about this move!' said Yamcha 'It changes all the energy in the body twenty thousand volts of electricity!'

'Young Chi Chi really seems to be suffering,' said Mr Announcer 'is there any hope for her!'

'Say that you give up!' cried Jackie Chun to Chi Chi in a worried tone. 'You'll die if you don't say it quick!'

Chi Chi screamed in agony. 'I… I give-'

Meanwhile Kakarot had stopped paying attention.

'The day my grandfather died, I was looking at the moon.' said Kakarot 'The day Pilafs castle was destroyed I was looking at the moon. The monster has never shown up at any time where I wasn't doing that.'

'Kakarot will you shut up!' snapped Launch 'Chi Chi is getting fried to a crisp! Give up kid!'

Kakarot started trembling, and then broke into laughter. 'All my life I've been avoiding it, never realizing the truth.' A shark like smile came onto his features. 'Gohan was wise to hide this from me. Yet now his failure is complete.'

'Kakarot,' said Krillen, taking a step back from him. He looked afraid, and so he should have been. 'I think you've lost it.'

'The monster doesn't come out when the moon is full,' said Kakarot in a trancelike state. 'the monster comes out when I look at the moon.' Then he turned his gaze to the sky. And this time he felt the change come over him, felt the savagery consume him, yet not quite. He held on to his conscious mind, refusing to let go of it as his muscles bulged and a grew larger and larger. The ceiling and walls caved in around him as Krillen and Launch scattered to one side.

 _'_ _Wake up Kakarot,'_ said a voice in the depths of his sub conscious. _'destroy all life forms!'_

A feral roar echoed throughout the ring as a gigantic monkey arose out of the backstage area. Yamcha and Bulma stepped back in fear as the creature loomed. As of yet it had not done anything, but it was only a matter of time. 'Oh no!' he said in horror.

'It's the full moon!' said Bulma.

'What the-' began Jackie Chun in shock as his lightning trailed off and Chi Chi landed on the ground. 'Whats going on? Where did that giant monkey come from!'

'It's Kakarot!' cried Krillin 'Kakarot turned into that thing!'

'Kakarot…' began Chi Chi as she stood up.

'I don't know what to say!' said Mr. Announcer 'It appears as though young Kakarot has transformed himself into a gigantic ape and disrupted the match! I've never even heard of this fighting technique!'

'It's not a technique pal,' said Yamcha.

'It's the worst thing that could possibly happen!' cried Bulma.

'And it's scary!' cried Puar.

'Tremble mortals and despair,' said Kakarot, voice echoing far and wide. 'doom has come to this world!'

Bulma paused as she realized that Kakarot was fully conscious, and was thus now aware that he had beaten his Master Gohan. '…Okay, it's the worst thing that could possibly happen except that!'

'Pitiful wretches!' roared Kakarot as he stepped into the ring. 'You will all die!'

The crowds shrieked in terror as Kakarot made his way forward, roaring sky high as he did so. The ground shook, as windows for miles around shuddered.

'Ah!' cried Mr. Announcer 'Run away! I would get out of here too, but unfortunately, I have to be referee! How horrid!'

'Yeah, you think you've got it bad Mr?' cried Jackie Chun 'Chi Chi and I can't run out of the ring or we'll be disqualified!'

'The day of judgment is at hand!' roared Kakarot 'The time of ending is now, and all that you have built stands upon pillars of salt and sand! All shall be consumed before my unstoppable might! No flesh shall be spared-'

'Kakarot, stop it right this instant!' cried Chi Chi. 'We're in the middle of a match, and you're interrupting!'

'Oh like you can stop me!' snapped Kakarot 'The day I have long awaited has now come! The time when this wretched world shall be reduced to ashes as I have been commanded to do!'

'Kakarot has mentioned being sent by a mysterious dark master to lay waste to our entire world!' cried Mr. Announcer 'But who is this shadowy figure? What is he, and what is his motive for seeking our decimation?'

'What?' said Kakarot, glancing to Mr. Announcer.

'Erm…' Mr. Announcer 'I was wondering who has commanded you to destroy the world.'

'…Huh,' said Kakarot 'you know I have no idea. I always assumed it was god.'

* * *

Kami sneezed. He suddenly had the feeling that someone was about to commit atrocities in his name. 'Mr. Popo, are there any warlords calling crusades on earth?'

'No Kami,' said Popo 'however there is a giant monkey tearing up the World Martial Arts Tournament.'

Kami sighed. 'Well disavow all knowledge of his actions and make it clear he acted without our consent.'

* * *

'Well then…' said Jackie Chun 'I'm afraid there is only one way to take care of this-' Then he dodged as Kakarot nearly crushed him under foot. Jackie Chun scrambled back fearfully.

'Not this time, old man!' snarled Kakarot 'I now know the truth, I defeated Gohan, and now that I can control myself in this form there is no one on this miserable world who can stand against me!'

Jackie Chun backflipped a ways and fell to one knee, as Bulma came forward.

'Uh… excuse me.' said Bulma 'Kakarot I have a question.'

'Yes, what is it Bulma?' asked Kakarot quite calmly. 'I'm a bit busy plotting the end of all things so can you make this quick?'

'You do realize that the moon is only full once a month, right?' asked Bulma 'You've got until the end of today to reign havoc, and then you'll turn back.'

'…Good point' said Kakarot 'destroying this world may take longer than I expected. No matter, now that I know I can take this form, I can merely time my attacks to coincide with the night of the full moon. It might take a little while, but I think I can make it work.'

'Okay, but we'd really appreciate it if you didn't destroy the world we lived in, Kakarot!' pleaded Puar.

'I can't let you hurt people!' shouted Jackie Chun, taking off his shirt. Jackie Chun's muscles bulged out as he took on a form of maximum power.

Kakarot laughed. 'Oh, by all means, use your full strength, it will be a fitting prelude to the end of all things!'

'Kaaa… meee… haaa… meee…' began Jackie.

'Just don't expect me to give you a free hit!' roared Kakarot before surging forward, fist readied.

At that moment Yamcha leaped in from behind and gripped Kakarot's tail hard. Kakarot roared and reeled in pain, as Jackie Chun finished his incantation.

'HAAAAAA!'

There was a brilliant display of white light which blinded the eyes as everyone reeled beneath the weight of the explosions presence. Finally, the light settled, and they were left in the decimated ruins of the ring. Jackie Chun was breathing heavily in resignation, and Kakarot was nowhere to be seen.

As everyone got up, a silence fell over them as they moved forward. Krillen looked on in horror. 'K-Kakarot?'

'He can't be dead, can he?' asked Chi Chi, tears welling up in her eyes.

Bulma began to cry, while Yamcha got up from where he was lying, looking incredibly bitter. He approached Bulma, who fell into his arms. 'He was just a kid…' said Bulma.

'He can't be…' said Krillen 'You can't be gone Kakarot!'

Chi Chi broke out sobbing, while Puar's ears drooped. Little by little the crowd returned to see what had happened. Jackie Chun remained deadly silent, expression grave. 'I'm sorry, I only did what had to be done.'

'Don't leave us!' cried Chi Chi.

To save the crowds from the rampaging Kakarot, Jackie Chun has fired his strongest kamehameha wave. And so the young fighter had been quieted by his own disguised teacher. Was it true? Was this really the end of Kakarot?

Find out next time.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Merry Christmas folks! And what better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than with a giant monkey tearing up the World Martial Arts Tournament! I've always wanted to do a Christmas special, but every year when the time comes I can't think of anything to write. It kind of sucks actually.

Well, here we have Kakarot's great ape transformation. There is actually foreshadowing for various events in the future, some of which you already know about, and some of which you don't. I'm not really sure about this chapter, to be honest. I feel that I've been not giving Launch the screen time she deserves, and I feel, as I sometimes feel, that it is lower quality. Part of the problem is that I've got more characters to juggle in this story than in the original dragonball.

I'm really afraid that Launch might end up becoming a B list fighter, which is precisely the fate I want to avoid for all of my characters.

Have a nice holiday everyone, and thank you for reading!


	28. The Final Blow

**Chapter Twenty Eight: The Final Blow**

The monstrous ape was nowhere to be found. Jackie Chun breathed heavily as he stood on the ring, alone, and Bulma looked up in horror. The crowds were filtering back into the arena to see what had happened, and the blue haired girl wiped her tears away. 'What did he do to our Kakarot!'

'Kakarot!' said Chi Chi 'No you can't be gone!'

Had Jackie Chun truly put Kakarot down for good. It seemed so. They hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. They could have reasoned with him, talked him down. Couldn't they?

'This has been a fight for the history books, Ladies and Gentlemen!' said Mr. Announcer 'And who could have imagined such an unusual interruption!'

'Does he even realize what he's saying?' asked Bulma, as she cried into Yamcha's shoulder.

'I'm not even sure I do,' said Yamcha bitterly.

'And so we should probably continue the match,' said Mr. Announcer.

'Calm down, all of you.' said Jackie Chun 'Look over there.' They followed his gesture and saw a tail sticking out of the rubble.

'Hey is that a…' began Bulma.

'A tail.' said Yamcha in breathless awe.

Suddenly the rubble shifted, and Kakarot pulled himself out of the rubble, his clothes now all but gone. Blearily eyed, he fell down again, then rose again.

'He's alive!' cried Krillin 'Kakarot's alive!'

'Yamcha he made it!' said Bulma.

Chi Chi ran up and hugged him. 'Don't scare us like that!'

'Unhand me.' said Kakarot.

'Sorry,' said Chi Chi, before realizing that he was naked and blushing furiously.

Kakarot broke away from her and turned to Jackie Chun. 'What have you done? How did this happen?'

'You weren't the target of my kamehameha wave,' said Jackie Chun before pointing into the sky. 'that was.'

Mr. Announcer stared up in horror. 'There is nothing there! The sky! It's been demooned!'

'Well with the moon destroyed,' said Jackie Chun 'it can't possibly get full again so Kakarot won't turn into a big ape! Heh heh heh, sometimes I'm so clever it amazes even me.'

'Fffffffffffffffffffffff….' began Kakarot.

'Ladies and gentlemen! Jackie Chun has done a reprehensible thing!' cried Mr. Announcer in panic. 'Whats going to light up the skies for us at night! What about romantic moonlit walks! And you can just say goodbye to relaxing ocean wave CD's! And what about the wolf man! What will he howl at!'

'Stop being a goofball and start narrating the fight!' snapped Jackie Chun.

'Uh… alright,' said Mr. Announcer 'okay once everyone except the contestants is cleared off the ring, we should be able to-'

'FUUUCK!' roared Kakarot, cutting him off. 'You just couldn't let me get away with it could you! You just had to steal my thunder, you goddamn killjoy!'

'Well I'm sorry if I interfered with your plans to destroy the world,' said Jackie Chun 'but I live here. Now get out of the ring, we've got a match to fight?'

'Are we just going to ignore the fact that Kakarot just tried to kill everyone on the planet?' asked Blue Launch.

'Yeah, that's more or less how we do things around here.' said Bulma. 'Welcome to the club.'

Kakarot approached Krillen. 'Your clothes, give them to me.'

'Wha…' began Krillen.

'Just do it, there no reasoning with him when he does this.' said Launch.

Krillen complied and took off his gi leaving him only in his boxers, before switching to his old yellow gi. He then handed his clothes to Kakarot, who dressed quickly. 'So whats its like to run around as a giant scary monster?'

'Pretty good actually,' said Kakarot 'I get a real rush of power, and suddenly my mission to end all life on this wretched world becomes a lot clearer in my mind. Of course, I'm not going to be able to do it _anymore_!'

'If I could do that,' said Krillen 'I'd jump on mountains and make earthquakes.'

'You have no imagination.' said Kakarot before walking to watch the ring.

'Okay,' said Mr. Announcer 'now we've uh… I think we can get back to the fight.'

Chi Chi and Jackie Chun took stances across from each other, though Jackie looked somewhat drained. It seemed that destroying the moon had had a terrible effect on them. 'Let's finish this up, Mr. Jackie.' said Chi Chi.

Then she staggered slightly, before righting herself.

'Unguarded!' cried Jackie Chun 'Kamehameha!' In place of a blue energy wave there came out a poof of smoke.

'Ohh, what a drag for Jackie Chun!' cried Mr. Announcer 'His energy attack has fizzled out like a can of soda pop!'

'I guess you don't have enough energy left,' said Chi Chi 'and that means you can't fly anymore either! Kamehame…'

'No, wait for a second!' cried Jackie Chun.

'HAAA!' cried Chi Chi, before launching an energy wave. Jackie Chun sprang into the air just in time to avoid it, but Chi Chi leaped after him with a flying kick. Jackie Chun was sent spiraling back, as Chi Chi landed on the ground. 'It worked! Yay!'

Jackie Chun fell downwards, flapping his arms as if to achieve flight. 'Oh no! I'm going to land outside the ring!' He descended un halted and then landed with a crash.

Chi Chi looked at him. He looked like he was standing on the grass, though his feet were obscured by the ring from where she was standing.

'Chi Chi you did it!' cried Krillen 'It's a ring out!'

'That's my Chi Chi!' cried the Ox King.

'Way to go kid!' said Launch.

Cheers broke out from the crowd as hats were tossed into the air and celebrations ensued. 'Jackie Chun has landed outside of the ring!' cried Mr. Announcer. 'That makes Chi Chi the new martial arts champion of the world!'

'Yay!' cried Chi Chi, jumping for joy and flashing a victory sign. 'I'm the strongest in the world!'

'Excuse me!' snapped Jackie Chun, teeth gritted.

Everyone turned their attention his way.

'This fight isn't over just yet,' said Jackie Chun 'look at my feet, carefully.'

Mr. Announcer approached for a closer look and gasped in awe. Jackie Chun had kicked one of his feet halfway through the side of the ring and was supporting himself by his toes alone. 'My feet haven't touched outside the ring.'

'Wow,' said Mr. Announcer, adjusting his glasses. 'Well I'll be. The fighting continues!'

Even more, cheers broke out amongst the audience, though everyone was getting a bit tired. Jackie Chun began to scramble back up onto the ring, as Chi Chi looked in bemusement.

'Wow, you sure are skilled.' said Chi Chi.

'I was in control the whole-' began Jackie, before narrowly avoiding slipping back onto the ground. '-time!' He got into the ring proper. 'Your kamehameha wave is too weak to do damage now.'

'It is?' asked Chi Chi.

'I'm afraid that your fatigue has drained your energy past the breaking point.' said Jackie Chun. 'Same with me, we've both done all the fancy tricks our body can handle.' He took a stance. 'It looks like we're going to have to rely on good old karate chops and flying kicks to finish this! The stronger warrior will stay standing! It's as simple as that!'

'I'm going to win, and make my papa proud of me!' said Chi Chi, taking a stance in turn.

'Come on Chi Chi, give it everything you've got!' said Jackie Chun as the cheers grew louder. 'Let's make this finale worthwhile, no tricks, no fancy shows!'

Chi Chi thought about that for a moment. 'Okay, that sounds fair.'

'Just fist to fist martial arts.' said Jackie Chun.

The stage was set for the final showdown.

Sometime later, Mr. Announcer was on the job. 'Absolutely amazing! Chi Chi and Jackie Chun have launched into some of the most intense close combat we've seen yet! By my watch, they have been fighting for… oh my gosh, over four hours! And you can't even tell!'

Chi Chi was propelled back by an open palm that saw her sliding back. Chi Chi had been fighting well, but not good enough. Jackie Chun had been beating her, little by little, slowly but surely. Even so, they were both panting in exhaustion, having been pushed to their respective limits.

'Okay, maybe you can tell a little bit!' amended Mr. Announcer after a moment.

Chi Chi charged forward and unleashed a flurry of strikes, which Jackie Chun parried and countered with strikes of his own. Jackie Chun kept her at a distance, before going in for a trip, but Chi Chi leaped over it and tried to kick Jackie in the chin, only to be blocked.

Chi Chi landed, panting in exhaustion, as Jackie Chun righted himself and wiped his brow with a sweat soaked sleeve.

'What a play!' cried Mr. Announcer 'Despite obvious physical exhaustion on both sides, neither of these fighters is willing to give up!' Jackie Chun let out a war cry and charged, before driving Chi Chi back with a flurry of attacks all the fiercer. 'They just keep going!'

Their fists and feet were a blur between them as they parried and struck at each other. Then Chi Chi almost got Jackie in the side with one leg. Yet her blocked and for her trouble she was struck in the stomach, only to retaliate all the fiercer, and vice versa.

Finally, they stood, battered and bruised with neither one the victor. Yet Chi Chi realized she was hurting worse. Her punches weren't affecting Jackie as much as his were affecting her. But why? Weren't they equally strong?

While she pondered this, Jackie was thinking to himself. _'This girl is going to wear me out if I don't finish her soon! I definitely need a knockout, but what finishing move can I use? Her body is too small for a lock._

 _Yes, of course…'_ He spoke. 'Hey, how about one final charge Chi Chi?'

'That's alright with me!' said Chi Chi. Then everything stopped for her.

 _'_ _Now hold on a second Chi Chi,'_ she thought to herself. _'your arms and legs are too short to win in a head on battle, so use your head. His greater reach has made all the difference so far, so I need to find something to stack the odds in my favor. But what?_

 _Wait, that's it. That's how I win!'_

Jackie Chun charged forward with a cry, and Chi Chi rushed to meet him. Both fighters leaped into the air to meet each other in the ascent.

'This could be it!' said Mr. Announcer.

Jackie Chun went for a flying kick, and Chi Chi did the same.

'Kamehameha!' cried Chi Chi.

A beam of blue light shot from her hands, not very big, but large enough to boost her speed to enormous levels. Both of them collided, slamming each other with their flying kicks, and both reeled backward. Then they passed each other and landed to lie still on the ground.

Mr. Announcer stared in shock. 'Y-You saw it yourself, folks! A double knock out! By the rules, I have to start counting! One, two, three, four, five,' Chi Chi and Jackie both struggled to stand, and failed.

'Come on Chi Chi!' called Kakarot 'Get up, get up!'

'six, seven,'

'Get along there, Jackie Chun!' cried someone from the audience.

'Chi Chi, stand up kid!' cried Launch, and Chi Chi struggled to rise.

'eight, nine, ten!'

Jackie Chun and Chi Chi collapsed.

'Neither one of them were able to stand,' said Mr. Announcer. 'Common rules would label this a draw, but the World Martial Arts Tournament can't go without a champion! I believe that in these situations the first person to stand and say that they are the champion becomes just that! So, which fighter can stand up first and declare victory!'

Chi Chi began forcing herself to stand up. At the same moment, Jackie Chun forced himself to try and keep up, yet Chi Chi was younger and sprier. Even so, she looked incredibly tired.

'Chi Chi has stood up on both legs! While Jackie Chun is still glued to the floor! All Chi Chi has to do now is say she's the champion!'

'I…' began Chi Chi 'I am…' For a moment Chi Chi halted as Jackie Chun rose. Hadn't she played fair had she? She'd agreed to not use energy blasts, and then gone and used one anyway. Didn't that mean she cheated?

Then the idea of being champion of the World Martial Arts tournament seized her.

'Do it Chi Chi!' cried Kakarot.

'I AM THE CHAMPION!' cried Chi Chi aloud. 'I am the Champion! I AM THE WORLD CHAMPION!'

There was silence for a moment as Jackie Chun closed his eyes in silent regret.

'Chi Chi! Chi Chi! Chi Chi!' called the audience.

'Well I couldn't have said it better myself!' said Mr. Announcer. 'Chi Chi is the new champion of the world, the youngest person to ever attain that rank! And this time I'm certain of it!'

'Chi Chi! Chi Chi! Chi Chi!'

Her friends spilled over the walls to meet her. Among them was her papa, who took her up in his arms and hugged her like a bear. 'I'm so proud of you Chi Chi, who would have thought that my daughter would be the strongest in the world!'

'Nice work kiddo!' said Launch 'You showed that old geezer who was boss!'

'You really are great.' said Krillen.

'…Yeah, okay.' said Kakarot 'You beat me. This time. But I'm going to win the next one. I promise you that-' And then Chi Chi hugged him. 'Hey, what are you… stop hugging me in front of all these people.' A slight blush came to his face.

Jackie Chun had only partially succeeded in his mission. He had knocked Kakarot out of the race, that was the important part. The others would continue their training. And yet as he saw Chi Chi's happy face, he could not help but feel like a failure. His loss was not important to him, Master Roshi had won this championship year before. But Chi Chi's victory might lead to her slacking off.

It was time to salvage what he could from this tournament, He approached her and offered her a hand. 'That was a close match, Chi Chi. I'd been counting on my size to give me the edge. But it seems you thought of that.'

'I feel kind of bad, actually.' said Chi Chi, taking the hand. 'I mean I used a kamehameha wave.'

'Well it was a touch underhanded,' admitted Jackie Chun 'but there was no rule against it, so it still flies. Just remember that not every martial artist cares about this tournament. For all you know, there could be someone out there far stronger than the both of us put together. And now that you've won, everyone will be trying to knock you down a peg.

So don't stop training ya hear me? If you don't keep up your strength, it will wane. And the next time you might fight someone much stronger than me.'

'I will Mr. Chun.' said Chi Chi.

'Why are you talking about me as though I'm not here?' asked Kakarot in annoyance.

Launch hit him over the head. 'Shut up Kakarot.'

'Let's not forget the ancient master who almost won the whole tournament! What an incredible martial artist!' said Mr Announcer, before moving forward and taking Chi Chi's hand. 'Now let's award Chi Chi her prize as the new world Champion!' He made his way over to a monk and took a roll of bills which he brought over to her and pressed into her hands. 'And you deserve every bit of it, five hundred thousand zeni!'

'You're really strong, Mr. Jackie.' said Chi Chi.

'Yes,' said Jackie 'well you were a worthy opponent.'

'This isn't over, old man.' snapped Kakarot 'I'm going to train every day until I'm stronger than you! Then I'll show you my true power.'

'You're welcome to try kid,' said Jackie.

As the group broke up, Mr. Announcer turned to the fans. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed the tournament! Please fly safely on your way back, and please watch out for stray dinosaurs!'

'Great job Chi Chi,' said Krillen 'you want to find Master Roshi and get something to eat?!'

'For the last time…' began Kakarot 'you know what, I give up.'

The group ran together calling for Master Roshi.

Jackie Chun, in the meantime, hid in the bushes. He hauled off his wig painfully, changed out of his outfit and switched back to his suit. 'I go through so much for my students, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing! I'm very selfless.' He sighed. 'Five hundred thousand zeni. Just imagine what I could do with that!'

He pictured himself lounging on a sofa, surrounded by bunny girls who catered to his every whim, and tried not to cry as he walked off.

'I am so hungry,' said Kakarot.

'I've looked through every bathroom stall in a seven-mile radius.' said Krillen.

'Where is he?' asked Yamcha.

'Kid,' said Launch 'you've got five hundred thousand zeni. You want to just eat without him?'

'Uh uh,' said Chi Chi, clutching the money. 'papa says I have to use the money responsibly. I'm not buying you dinner.'

'Miser,' muttered Krillin.

'Did you try the ladies room, Krillin?' asked Bulma.

'I wonder if he even watched Chi Chi in the tournament.' said Krillin.

'Can we eat, please!' said Kakarot.

'Yoohoo!' called Master Roshi as he made his entrance.

'Oh hi Jackie Chun, when did you get here?' asked Kakarot in deadpan.

'Where did you run off to?' asked Bulma suspiciously.

'I wanted an autograph from Jackie Chun, and you wouldn't believe how long the line was.' said Master Roshi ruefully.

'So did you see us in the tournament finals, Master Roshi?' asked Krillen eagerly.

'Well of course.' said Roshi. 'And you all did incredibly well for your first attempt.' He paused to look at Chi Chi. 'Just remember, there might be much stronger martial artists who simply have no interest in tournaments. You can't afford to slack off. You all have a lot to learn before you are on the level of the likes of Jackie Chun.'

'What a load!' said Launch 'Chi Chi is already on his level? Who do you think won the fight old man!'

'True,' said Roshi 'but Jackie Chun was at a serious disadvantage in the final stretch. Kakarot's little stunt forced him to use most of his energy to blow up the moon. Remember, your training has only just begun.'

'I…' Chi Chi looked down cast. 'I didn't think… I mean I'm sorry I…' She sniffled and began to cry. 'I guess I really am a fraud!'

'Great job Roshi,' said Kakarot in deadpan. 'you just made the Champion of the World cry on her big day.'

'What a jerk.' said Launch.

Roshi's eyes widened. 'Erm, please don't cry! I didn't mean to say that you don't deserve the title! You won it fair and square! Here uh… how about I take us all out to eat a fancy restaurant to celebrate our first successful tournament!'

'Thanks, Master Roshi,' said Chi Chi, her tears instantly drying. 'you're the best.'

'Finally,' said Kakarot.

Roshi turned to Yamcha, Puar, Bulma, and Ox King. 'Would you four like to come with us?'

'It's been years since I've eaten with you, Master Roshi.' said Ox King 'Of course!'

'Sounds like a nice celebration,' said Yamcha 'I'm in.'

'I would love to.' said Puar.

'Alright,' said Bulma 'but if you make one crude remark I swear I'll break your arm.'

That night they ate at the fanciest restaurant they could found, and devoured their food ravenously. No one had been aware how hungry they had been until they had the food placed in front of them. They talked about insignificant things and discussed each other's respective matches with one another. They argued over who would have won had Yamcha faced Kakarot, or Krillen faced Jackie Chun, or Chi Chi faced Kakarot. Ox King relayed stories of his and Gohan's time together under Master Roshi.

Chi Chi seemed oddly silent the whole meal. Contemplated something, and Kakarot wasn't sure what.

Thus it was that the adventure of the world martial arts tournament came to an end. But a new adventure waited just over the next horizon.

* * *

It was a tranquil day at Kami's lookout belaying the terrible events which were about to take place. The earth's moon had been destroyed. Although the long term ecological effects could only be guessed at, the immediate death toll from the molten fragments raining down upon the worlds population centers would be in the hundreds of millions. And that would only be the beginning, for the broken fragments of the moon would turn into an asteroid belt that would periodically cast stones down into earth's atmosphere. The oceans would so silent stagnant, as countless ocean species went extinct from the changes in their natural. Earthquakes became commonplace, tearing down the high buildings that humans and animals had built.

And that was how Master Roshi ended humanity.

'No.' said Mr. Popo, while watering his gardens.

Erm… the natural world suddenly realized it had better things to do than defy the will of Popo, and the seas returned to their normal state. Meanwhile, the newly created asteroids found themselves with a million better things to do than stick around the earth. And so it was that life on earth went on, very much as it had this past day.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well, this concludes the World Martial Arts Tournament arc. By the time you see this chapter, it will be my birthday and I will be celebrating it with my family. Let it never be said that I don't keep a consistent schedule ladies and gentlemen.

The decision to make Chi Chi win the world martial arts tournament is one I'm not really sure about. I have some ideas about where it will lead, but it's by no means planned out. I ultimately decided to make Chi Chi the winner because it would be different from in canon. After all, nobody came here to see things turn out exactly as they did in canon. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about screwing up Master Roshi's plan, but such is the price of an AU.


	29. Tough Customers

**Chapter Twenty Nine: Tough Customers**

In the aftermath of the Martial Arts Tournament a strange sense of lethargy fell over them, so that no one was in the mood to talk. After all the excitement of the matches and martial arts, which had seemed as though it would last forever, everyone now felt tired. As they sat around the hotel lobby, looking at each other, Master Roshi finally spoke up.

'I think you students have earned a break from things before your next round of training,' he said 'Its time you learned some lessons from the greatest scholar of all: Life.'

'Are you serious?' asked Kakarot, raising an eyebrow.

'Mmmmhmmm,' said Roshi, nodding as he did so.

'Fine,' said Kakarot 'I was getting bored of training anyway. What are you all going to do?'

'Well…' said Ox King 'I was thinking of taking my darling Chi Chi back to my kingdom. With your permission of course, Master Roshi, its just we haven't been a family together for so long.'

'Are you alright with this Chi Chi?' asked Roshi.

'Yes,' said Chi Chi 'I mean this has been a lot of fun. But I think I'm going to take a bit of a break from martial arts for a while.'

'Well thats your decision.' said Roshi 'And what about you Krillen?'

'Actually Master,' said Krillen 'I was looking forward to going back to your island with you so I could start training for the next tournament.'

'Right,' said Roshi 'well it will be nice to have some company I suppose.'

'In the next tournament I want to score big.' said Krillen.

Kakarot looked to Yamcha, Bulma and Puar. 'What about you three? Any plans?'

'Well I guess we'll head over to West City.' said Bulma.

'Yeah, it'll be fun.' said Yamcha 'A nice relaxing drive across the desert. Maybe visit Nam and see how things turned out for him.'

'Mind if I go with you?' asked Kakarot 'I have no particular place in this world, or strong desire beyond its annihilation.'

'Sure, you can come.' said Bulma 'Just uh… don't turn into a giant monkey or anything.'

'I assure you, thats no longer an option.' said Kakarot 'I'm just going to have to exceed Gohan the old fashioned way.'

'Uh… I'd like to come.' said Blue Launch 'I mean Yamcha did promise to teach my blonde self martial arts, and I guess I ought to advance my training.' She glanced to Roshi. 'You know ever since I took your training, I haven't come too in a room of bodies and bullet holes in months. I think it helps with my other selfs control.'

'Erm… thats wonderful,' said Roshi after a moment. 'you know they always say that learning martial arts helps the soul as well as the body.'

Kakarot smiled, before the expression faded. 'Well, it looks like we all have a plan.' He paused. 'Master Roshi, before we part ways, about those weighted turtle shells?'

'Yes,' said Roshi.

'Where did you buy them?' asked Kakarot 'I mean is there a store I can get them from?'

'Erm…' Roshi paused 'well their a bit pricy. But in the interests of advancing your training I can show you the store and get you a few things.'

'I'd appreciate that.' said Kakarot, before looking to the others. 'You guys had better come with me.'

As Master Roshi led them through the streets, Yamcha made his way forward. 'So what exactly is your plan here, Kakarot?'

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'when I was at Master Roshi's island we trained with weighted training clothes in order to exceed our limits. I figure if I wear some now, it will help me get stronger long term.'

'That sounds like a great idea.' said Yamcha, fishing around for his wallet. 'I think I may do the same.'

Kakarot chose a pitch black heavy vest which he put underneath his gi, with two black armbands which made it hard to move. Altogether they weighed nearly fifty kilos, which made it difficult to move after so much time unweighted. Even so, he was used to it. Launch took a similar amount, while Krillin declined.

'After all I'm going to be training with Master Roshi, and wearing those tacky shells.' said Krillin 'So I don't need to buy those.'

'Tacky?!' cried Roshi 'I'll have you know that those are state of the art stylish.' He glanced to Chi Chi. 'What about you, Chi Chi? Can I purchase you anything?'

Chi Chi remained silent. 'Well… I really don't feel like wearing weights again.' said Chi Chi after a moment.

'If you don't,' said Kakarot 'you'll end up falling way behind the rest of us.'

'Yeah kid,' said Launch 'quit being such a wimp and get some.'

Reluctantly Chi Chi took a lighter vest of perhaps twenty kilos. Yet it was all she could be convinced to wear. Meanwhile Yamcha stared. 'Are you sure you guys want to wear that kind of weight all the time?'

'Oh yeah, we did it for eight months.' said Kakarot 'So, how heavy are you going?'

Perhaps it was pride, or simply the desire to be exceeded. Whatever the case, Yamcha chose his own fate: 'Hey, any weight you can take I can take. I'll take seventy five kilos, and I'll buy it myself.'

'Fair enough,' said Kakarot, impressed at his friends courage. 'Bulma what about you?'

'Me?' asked Bulma 'I'm not interested in martial arts.'

'Yeah, its probably for the best,' reflected Kakarot 'after all your far too weak willed and devoid of true virtue to ever successfully pull off even the lightest of weights.'

'What do you mean?' asked Bulma. 'I'm plenty strong willed!'

'Great, so you'll buy one then?' said Kakarot.

'I never said that,' said Bulma quickly.

'Look I'm not asking you to make a career of martial arts.' said Kakarot 'Just buy some to get a bit stronger for health reasons. It can't hurt, and its not that bad. The first couple days its a bit difficult, but then it gets really easy. Just start light and maybe work your way up later.'

'No! There is no way you'll talk me into this!' snapped Bulma.

* * *

'How did you talk me into this?' moaned Bulma as she languished with every step forward, wearing far more weight that Kakarot thought she would have dared take on. Despite himself, he was impressed, her capacity to cause herself needless misery out of pride amazed even him. Yamcha had a similar expression of pain as he struggled to keep moving in the hot sun while weighted down beneath fifty kilos worth of weight. For Kakarot it was mildly unpleasant and inconvenient, which meant for them it must have been agony.

'Shut up,' said Kakarot 'misery builds character.'

'So Kakarot,' said Krillin 'do you just enjoy causing your friends suffering?'

'To a degree,' admitted Kakarot 'but its for their own good.'

'You know,' said Krillin 'I'm really looking forward to not having to put up with you for awhile.'

'The feeling is entirely mutual.' said Kakarot.

'Yes, it will be nice to be able to watch television again.' reflected Roshi.

'Speak not of the black arts in my presence!' snapped Kakarot.

'How… how did you wear this stuff for eight months?' asked Yamcha, hands shaking.

'Ya get used to it.' said Launch.

'Thats it,' said Bulma 'I'm taking these off!'

'Go ahead,' said Kakarot 'prove my point. Make my day.'

Bulma stopped short, before looking at him with narrowed eyes. 'I hate you.'

'I know.' said Kakarot, thinking to himself that she looked good in the vest. Then again, Bulma could make anything look good.

They said goodbye to Chi Chi, the Ox King, Master Roshi and Krillin and reached the plane. After an hour or so of flying to the mainland, during which Bulma and Yamcha became accustomed to wearing their weights, they eventually reached a dusty airport and set out via car for West City. The ride was rough with countless bumps as they passed many barren plateaus and cliffs.

Bulma was not amused. 'Are you trying to hit every hole in the street or what?!' she cried to Yamcha from the passengers seat.

'Actually there is no street,' said Yamcha in irritation. 'thats why its called off road driving and I'm doing the best I can! You can take the wheel any time you want!'

'Oh can I?' asked Bulma sarcastically. 'Anything would be better than this torture.'

Puar and Launch watched from the back seat. 'I've never seen Bulma this upset.' said Puar.

'She does seem a tad irritable.' said Blue Launch.

Bulma looked back. 'I am not upset! Got it! This is me happy!'

Launch and Puar stared. '…Well thats nice I suppose.' said Blue Launch.

'BE QUIET!' snapped Bulma.

For his part, Kakarot was more interested in the dragon radar. He was fiddling around with it while trying to see how it worked. As he did so, he noticed a blinking sound. At that moment he saw on the screen something which renewed his hopes, and set him once more on the path to this worlds destruction.

'Hey guys,' he said 'there is a dragonball on the radar.'

'Really?' said Puar.

'Whats a dragonball?' asked Launch.

'Do you want to go after it?' asked Kakarot.

'Seems like kind of a lot of work when we don't even have a wish.' said Bulma.

'Oh come one,' said Kakarot 'I've been meaning to reclaim the four star dragonball at some point anyway. It could be uh… fun.'

'Your a terrible liar Kakarot. What do you want to wish for?'

'I don't know,' said Kakarot 'I was thinking immortality as a next step now that we have agelessness.'

'Um, excuse me,' said Launch. 'but I don't even know what a dragonball is.'

'Its one of seven magical artifacts,' said Bulma 'you gather them all together and you can make a wish upon a magical dragon that will be granted.'

'Any wish?' asked Launch.

'No.' said Kakarot 'There are restrictions. But you can wish for a lot of things.'

'I think it sounds like fun searching for it.' said Launch.

'Ugh…' said Bulma 'fine, give me the radar Kakarot. We'll see where it leads.'

Kakarot handed in the radar, and Bulma took it before looking over it. 'Okay, so the ball is some seventy miles or so out of our way. It shouldn't be a huge detour.'

* * *

Pilaf dreamed that he was standing in front of his castle like before. Then a giant monkey appeared and began to crush it, breaking it to pieces before his very eyes. Pilaf could do nothing but watch, watch as the monkey destroy the castle and then turned on him. He screamed in fear as the beast descended on him.

And then he awoke with a slipper on his face. Removing the slipper he saw Shu's face staring at him upside down. 'Hey, you're safe sire, I'm right here.'

How to save face? Pilaf arose quickly. 'Well nothing like a good stretch on the floor to get you really worked up you know!'

'Its okay sire,' said Shu 'crying is therapeutic.'

'I've never shed a tear in my life Shu!' snapped Pilaf, before turning away. 'Go!'

'But sire, I have good news!' said Shu 'We've picked up a dragonball on the radar! The signal is very strong!' Pilaf whirled round. 'Its about a hundred and fifty miles away in the southwest!'

'Really?' said Pilaf eagerly.

'Uh huh,' said Shu.

Overcome with emotion, Pilaf looked up at the ceiling unsteadily.

'Are you crying again sire?' asked Shu.

Pilaf whacked Shu over the head with his slipper. 'You fool I was obviously laughing!' Then he turned to his portrait of Shenron. 'You are my true inspiration. With you by my side the whole world will be mine.'

'I was talking to the dragon!' snapped Pilaf. 'Now get Mai, we're going after that dragonball! Set Pilaf's death fortress on course to the location of the dragonball!'

* * *

Meanwhile, perhaps twenty miles from their target destination a military convey made its way forward across the desert. There were several tanks among them, and a car at the front loaded with men holding guns. They wore tan outfits, with an emblem with the letter R.R. They kicked up a veritable cloud of dust as they passed cacti and large stones, crushing everything that got in their way.

For his part the boy thief was just hungry, and not at all interested in a military convey. 'Oh, I wish I had something to eat…' he stood up. 'yeah well, lying here all day isn't going to make my belly full. Guess that means its time to go to work.'

He found a group of saps practicing martial arts, though the two girls were pretty. Unfortunately there was a cat watching their stuff, so he snuck round and found some isolated equipment. However when he tried to pick the bag up, it was massively heavy. He strained against it, but he could scarcely lift it.

He heard paddling from the nearby water. Someone was coming.

Panicking, the thief snatched up a watch like device along and ran off.

* * *

At perhaps midday Yamcha pulled the car to a halt, and they got out by a scenic lake amidst a large patch of green which stood as a sharp contrast to the deserts they had thus far faced. They quickly got out their provisions and eat a swift lunch, and after they were done with that, Bulma stretched.

'I think I'm going to go take a dip in the lake you guys.'

'Come to think of it,' said Kakarot 'I could afford to wash off this sweat.'

'Girls first,' said Bulma before walking behind the car.

'I think I'll go with her.' said Blue Launch.

Kakarot looked down. 'Why did they just go behind the car?'

'They probably wants to change in private.' said Puar.

'Hmm, well to each their own.' reflected Kakarot 'I just hope they hurry up before- Whoa.'

He said whoa because at that moment Bulma came around the car with Launch, and both were clad in nothing but two piece bikinis which clung to their substantial curves. Kakarot stared as they made their way into the lake, their hips swaying as they gradually dove into the water and began to swim. He glanced to Yamcha, whose face had gone beat red.

'You are an extremely lucky man.' said Kakarot.

'I know.' said Yamcha.

Bulma and Launch took perhaps thirty minutes to finish up before they finally emerged, drying themselves off with towels. 'Alright,' said Bulma 'you can go in.'

'Sure, yeah,' said Kakarot, making his way into the woods.

Setting down his power pole and dragon radar, he stripped down and dove into the water, swimming back and forth. From where he was doing so, he looked up and saw from afar that Yamcha was teaching Launch the basics of martial arts. And Bulma had ended up joining in the impromptu lesson, probably to keep an eye on Launch. What made the whole thing extremely impressive however, was the fact that Yamcha had convinced them to do it while still clad in bikinis.

Smooth. This particular view was one Kakarot would treasure. Yamcha was starting them out with the very basics and moving from there. Kakarot very much doubted that Bulma would end up becoming a professional martial artist, but some basic self defense was not unreasonable.

Enjoying the cool feeling of the water, Kakarot swam to the far end of the pool, before turning round and swimming back to where he had left his things. He quickly got dressed again, and then he missed the dragon radar. And his power pole.

He quickly made his way to where the others were. 'Did any of you take my power pole?' he asked.

'No,' said Yamcha 'I've been here.'

'Yeah, Kakarot,' said Bulma, blushing slightly. 'we've been a bit busy.'

'Then someone has stolen it and the dragon radar.' said Kakarot 'Fortunately I know how I can find them. Power pole extend!'

At that moment a great red pole rose up from the trees, and Kakarot chased after it. Before long it fell from sight, but not before Kakarot had homed in on the thief. He found the power pole lying abandoned on the ground, and picked it up. 'No dragon radar though.' He glanced up to where the others were coming through the trees. 'Yamcha, Launch you used to be criminals, any ideas on how I can track down stolen property?'

'Can't help ya, kid.' said Blonde Launch 'I usually just sort of blew the place up and stole the goods. Usually I'd just throw the stuff away once the euphoria wore off. It was the challenge I was after, not the profit.'

'He'd need a fence,' said Yamcha 'which means that we should head to a nearby town and see what we can find.'

'You do that,' said Kakarot, seeing a shoe lying on the ground. Picking it up he sniffed it, and then cast it aside. 'I'm going to see if I can track down the thief by scent.'

'What are you, a blood hound?' asked Bulma in amusement.

'With the way this fool reeks, anyone could track him by scent.' said Kakarot as he unslung his power pole from his back. 'Power pole extend!'

And with that he was off.

* * *

The jeep drove onwards, followed by the troops carrier tanks. Colonel Silver remained silent as he watched the insignificant village come into view, and then closer. By what freak accident had the dragonball come into this miserable little hovel. No matter, he had a task to complete.

He called the jeep to a halt, and stepped out of it. They would first need to make an example to this town, and show them exactly who they were dealing with. And what the consequences of a refusal to comply would be.

The troop carrier opened up to reveal many men in the tan uniforms of the red ribbon army, carrying guns. Silver motioned them forward with an absent gesture and they rushed forward. The door was kicked in, and his men filed into the home. Silver followed after them, and found that the family had apparently been having lunch, if the set table was any indication. A cup had been dropped and rolled near to where he stood.

The family cowered as it was herded into a corner, hemmed in by loaded guns.

'Good afternoon,' said Silver 'you'll have to excuse the temper of my men. We've been traveling all day and its left them a bit… irritable.' He sniffed and took in a scent. 'Hmm, something smells good. But I can't stay for dinner, works got me swamped. You see I'm searching for something called a dragonball.' He set one hand to the cup and moved it back and forth with the sole of his shoe. 'Perhaps you good people could tell me where it is. Before something bad happens.' Then he crushed the cup underfoot for effect.

A child cried out in fear as he clutched his mother.

'Please, leave us alone.' said the husband. 'We don't have what your looking for.'

Silver was not surprised. He hadn't come here looking for a dragonball, the likelyhood that these peasants would have it was slim to none. He came here to show people that the Red Ribbon Army meant business. 'Really?' he asked, before his smile faded. 'Pity. Its a shame to raise children in a broken home.' He looked to his men. 'Destroy everything!'

Then he turned to walk away. The sound of shattered glass, breaking wood and the families exclamations of fear and horror was the sound of a job well done. A window shattered behind him as he walked back to the jeep.

* * *

The fence was a portly man with brown hair in his mid fifties. He wore a red vest, and was clad in a white button down shirt. His pants were brown, and he was sitting in a rocking chair reading the news when a voice cried out:

'Hey Mr!' called a familiar street rat.

'Hey, you again,' said the Fence as the kid approached. 'Don't come any closer you smell.'

'So…' said the street rat, raising a strange device with a green screen. 'what do you think of this baby?' The fence took it and looked over it carefully. 'Pricy stuff, huh?'

'Maybe,' admitted the fence 'maybe not.' Yet what he thought was: 'This gizmo could be worth millions for all I know. Whatever it is, it must be something important.'

'How much will you pay me for it?' asked the street rat.

The fence thought about how likely that street rat was to know what this thing and how valuable it likely was. He decided that it was slim to none. Which gave him the advantage. 'This thing? Ten zeni, and thats just because I like you, kid.'

'Ten zeni?' asked the kid 'Ten zeni! For what? The strap?!'

'Hey!' said the fence. 'I'm trying to be nice here kid, you don't even know what this thing is so how am I supposed to sell it? You're lucky I'm paying you that much for it! Ten zeni, take it or leave it.'

The street rat turned away. 'Some deal,' he muttered 'alright ten zeni.' He put out one hand.

The fence smiled. 'Smart boy.' And he tossed him ten zeni, which the boy caught. 'Enjoy!'

'Yeah,' said the street rat 'no more onion sandwiches for this kid!' And he ran off. 'See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!'

The fence chuckled. 'Take a bath.' Then he looked up to see a blue skinned little man donning a crown, while accompanied by an attractive dark haired women in a trench coat.

'So what do you think?' asked the blue skinned man. 'Too much? Do you think it would clash with my outfit?'

'No,' said the women 'I think it brings out your color, sir.'

The fence arose and became a friendly shopkeeper as he approached. 'Hello, I must say you're making an excellent choice today! That crown is over three hundred years old, it was worn by Alexander the Great! He built a kingdom to the north of us, and now it looks to have chosen a successor!'

The blue haired man took off the crown and looked at the crown doubtfully. 'According to this label his nickname must have been Ralph.' The sarcasm was evident in his tone, and he gave the shopkeeper a look asking him just how stupid he thought he was.

'It is the symbol of power worn by many great historical figures, your majesty.' said the shopkeeper, smile unfading.

'Eh heheh,' said the blue man with a smile, obviously flattered.

'Why don't we step into my parlor where its cooler so that we can discuss the matter.' said the shopkeeper.

'That would be fine.' said the blue man.

'Pilaf may I remind you that we don't have time to shop today?' asked the black haired woman.

'Thats Emperor Pilaf,' said the blue man 'and I can't rule the world without a proper crown.'

Hook. Line. And sinker.

'Right this way.' said the man.

* * *

Kakarot in the meantime was pole vaulting his way through town, following the scent he had smelled. His search led him to the outskirts of town, where he smelled it all the stronger. He covered his nose. It was times like this that he wished he didn't have such a sense of smell.

Then he saw the boy, clad in ratty old garments, unwashed and munching on a number of meats with ravenous hunger. Kakarot approached quietly as the kid finished his meal, until his shadow was standing over the boy.

'Having a nice meal?' asked Kakarot.

'You can't have any!' snapped the boy. 'Its mine!'

He didn't have the dragon radar on him. 'I need some information.'

'Yeah,' said the boy 'whats in it for me?'

Kakarot smiled in a friendly fashion. Then he reached forward and gripped him by the throat before hauling him up. Unfortunately Kakarot was much shorter than the boy, and as a result was unable to lift him off the ground. In annoyance, Kakarot set his power pole to the ground. 'Interesting question.'

Then he leaped high into the air, dragging the boy with him. As he reached the pinnacle of their leap, Kakarot let go of him and they began to fall. 'Lets discuss it.'

'Oh my god!' said the boy 'Please no! I'll do anything!'

'But what specifically do you want for anything?' asked Kakarot.

'Save me! Please save me!'

'Are you sure?' asked Kakarot 'I don't want to feel like I'm cheating you or anything.'

'Please, please, save me!' cried the boy.

'Agreed,' said Kakarot 'power pole extend.' He shot the pole downwards which lodged itself in the earth, before grabbing the boy and halting his fall by the jacket as they descended. 'Now, where is my dragon radar?'

'I sold your thing to a shopkeeper!' cried the boy 'He gave me ten zeni, I'll give it to you if you want.'

'No,' said Kakarot 'where is the shopkeeper? And how do I get there?'

The boy gave him directions.

* * *

The weights were still just as unpleasant as they had been to begin with. Bulma had been hoping she'd get used to them, but in the past few hours they had only seemed to get heavier. Except every time she tried to take them off, Kakarot would give her a look of expectance that said he expected her to give up. The only time he didn't was when she got into her bikini to wash herself off. Learning some basic moves of martial arts had been fun, especially since she'd had an excuse not to wear those damn weights. At this point Bulma was keeping the weights on simply to prove him wrong. From the looks of things Yamcha had too. She'd seen him scratching at the vest every so often.

For now however, she was sitting in the passengers seat, looking out the window as they crossed into a sleepy town where Yamcha meant to find the fence. They pulled to a halt, and got out of the car. Yamcha locked it, and turned to her.

'Alright guys,' said Yamcha 'we'll split up and look for any shops which sell odds and ends. The sort of place which has a wide variety of things from a lot of different places. Thats where we'll find our fence, and the dragon radar. With any luck we should find the dragon radar somewhere around here.'

Bulma looked around, and realized that everyone here was afraid. It was just like things had been when they faced monster carrot. Then her eyes fell upon a house. Its windows had been broken, and shattered glass stood outside of it. A women was using a broken broom to sweep it away into a dustbin.

'You guys go on ahead,' said Bulma 'I've got to check something out.'

She made her way forward to the women, who looked up. 'Yes, can I help you?'

'I… what happened here? Who did this to you?'

'Colonel Silver, who else,' said the women 'they broke into our home looking for something called a dragonball. When he found out we didn't have it he had his goons smash everything.'

'I'm sorry,' said Bulma.

'Believe me young lady, it could have been worse.' said the women 'There have been times when entire families were lined up against the wall for the firing squad. I've seen it happen.' She sighed. 'It will cost a fortune to replace what we've lost.'

It was at that moment that Bulma realized she could help. Drawing out her check book, she drew out a pen and scribbled out some numbers and a signature, before tearing out the check and passing it to the women. The women stared at it in awe. 'Is that enough?' asked Bulma.

'I… this… I can't possibly accept this much money!' said the women. 'I mean it would bankrupt you wouldn't it?'

'Its no problem,' said Bulma 'just think of it as a gift.'

'You'd give this much money to someone, just to help them out?' asked the women. 'I don't know what to say! Thank you! Thank you! I… I need to go put this somewhere safe right away!'

She ran off, and Bulma turned to walk away. She felt… actually pretty good. She'd never wanted for money in her life, so it was no loss. And she had helped those people. She put her hands in her pockets and went to look for Yamcha.

'That was very kind of you Bulma.' said Puar.

'Yeah, I guess.' said Bulma. 'Well I am an extremely generous person after all. We'd better tell Yamcha about this General Silver.'

* * *

The inside of the shop was filled with a massive collection of antiques, artifacts, urns and jars. A suit of armor stood at the far end, and the illumination came almost entirely from the windows. The shopkeeper welcomed them kindly. 'As you can see we have much more than crowns to choose from.' he said. 'Take your time, we have the finest selection of antiques anywhere. You have my word.'

'It is an impressive collection,' said Pilaf 'but what I am looking for can't be found in any antique shop.'

'You search for something unique,' said the shopkeeper. 'something rare and out of the ordinary?'

'Extraordinary with the power to rule the world!' cried Pilaf, laughing.

Mai, however looked rather doubtful. 'Why don't you put it on a billboard.'

'I see,' said the shopkeeper 'there is one item that possesses such potential. A powerful relic inherited by kings, one after another for thousands of years.' He turned to the shelf and began to rummage around dramatically.

'So if only kings have held this treasure then it is my obligation to own it!' cried Pilaf in delight, his eyes distant and his thoughts far away.

'If you were not a king,' said the shopkeeper 'I wouldn't even have mentioned it. We can't have peasants taint what belongs to royalty. It is said whomever attains it is master over all creation under the sun, and wields enough power to dominate the world. Life itself would bow to your will.' He glanced back. 'Domination over the entire world.'

'No more monkeys!' cried Pilaf aloud, before a horrific thought made itself known. 'It can control monkey beasts, can't it?'

'Absolute power,' said the shopkeeper as he got off the ladder with a smile. 'and its even gift wrapped.' He offered Pilaf a violet box, which the Emperor took breathlessly.

Opening it, Pilaf saw the four star dragonball gleaming before him.

Pilaf took it within his hands. 'A dragonball! You were right, Mai!'

'Thanks,' said Mai 'I usually am, sir.'

'Now lets talk price,' said the shopkeeper. 'I'm a reasonable man-'

Pilaf tossed several thousand zeni at him. 'Is that enough?'

It was indeed.

* * *

Kakarot found his way to a shop, and noted a birds nest perched atop a green overhang. No one was outside, and as he reached the store he looked around. 'This certainly fits the description the boy gave.' Then he saw the dragon radar, and smiled. 'Found it!' He moved forward to seize it. As he looked at it though, he blinked. 'Huh, it shows the dragonball is right here.'

A familiar laugh came to his ears right near him. 'Haha, that fool didn't even know what he had! We're off to good start Mai, at this rate I'll be ruling the-'

Kakarot looked up to see Emperor Pilaf at right about the same time Emperor Pilaf looked up to see him. There was a long awkward silence. Kakarot stood up straight.

'So,' he said 'Emperor Pilaf, we meet again.'

'Monster!' cried Pilaf 'Don't come any closer! This dragonball is mine, you hear me! I bought it fair and square monkey boy so step off!'

'Am I supposed to care how you got it?' asked Kakarot 'Hand it over.'

'Get your own!' snapped Pilaf, before he and Mai drew out guns and opened fire.

Kakarot leaped aside from the bullets as the two of them ran for it. Yet he quickly headed after them. As he chased them, however, a darkness suddenly fell over the sun, and he looked up to see a massive floating fortress hovering over head. Turrets turned to face him as he slowed to glance up.

The sound of heavy gunfire echoed as exploding round landed around him, forcing him to duck for cover as an explosion of fire and dirt was kicked up. At the same time a great arm descended and plucked Mai and Pilaf from the ground, bringing them into the floating fortress which floated away into the sky beyond sight.

Kakarot arose to his feet. His power pole couldn't reach that high. 'You win this round, Pilaf.' He hissed.

In the aftermath of their victory, Mai had to be a downer. 'Sir there is a problem with the dragon radar.'

'What kind of problem?' asked Pilaf.

'The readings we're getting from the radar don't make any sense.' explained Mai. 'Our position is here. But the radar says that the dragon radar signal is occurring outside the ship.'

Pilaf looked to the dragonball in his hands, doubt suddenly seizing his heart. Had he been duped?

* * *

Colonel Silver was here looking for a dragonball. And the fence had one. In fact, he had several hundred ones of glass, just waiting to be foisted off on anyone stupid enough to believe in old fairy stories. 'It just so happens I have such an artifact,' said the fence. 'wait just here and I'll be back in a moment.'

He made his way to the back, and opened a case where he kept the fake dragonballs, and drew out a replica of the four star ball. 'This should do the trick.' he said. Then it occurred to him that he was trying to cheat some rough customers.

He picked up his gun and slipped it into his belt. 'Just in case.'

He made his way back and pressed the dragonball into Colonel Silver's brown gloved hand with a smile. 'Here you are. I trust this is the piece your looking for, eh?'

General Silver's severe expression did not change as he brought up the dragonball to his face. Then he dropped it. 'Not quite.'

The dragonball shattered into a hundred pieces of glass.

'You lied.' said Colonel Silver, matter of factly, advancing with a threat in his tone.

The shopkeeper stepped back fearfully. 'No wait, that was the real deal! Honest! The dragonballs are fragile antiques! Priceless!'

'Dragonball: Priceless, and unbreakable.' stated Silver simply.

'But I uh…' began the fence.

However Silver's men moved forward and began to rummage around. 'Its here somewhere,' said Silver 'buried in all this crap. Think very carefully, the next words you say could determine the quality of the rest of your life.'

'I uh… I uh…'

'Times up, old man.' said Colonel Silver. 'Do it.'

Two of Silver's men advanced on the shopkeeper and seized, him, but in desperation the shopkeeper shook them off! He drew his pistol, kept in reserved and raised it towards Silver. Yet Silver was faster.

Three gunshots echoed throughout town, sending a nest of birds fleeing for their lives. 'A boring conversation anyway,' said Silver, glancing to his men. 'find it.'

It was business as usual in the Red Ribbon army.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Sorry this chapter is so late. Ordinarily I write chapters the day before I post them, however I chose to take a break on my birthday. Probably had something to do with someone flaming me and literally wishing me dead because they didn't like the story. Overreaction much? I've removed the review, so don't bother looking for it.

Anyway, this chapter actually contains content from two separate episodes. At first it was going to be adapting the episode The Roaming Lake, but I decided that I would cut that episode. Partially because it is largely irrelevant, but also because it turns Nam, a character previously established as very badass, into a damsel in distress who has to be rescued by Goku.

Also, did I just add fanservice into the story instead of taking it out? Truly these are the end of times.

This chapter really marks where we get into the Red Ribbon Army arc, the arc where I believe the primary flaws of dragonball became prominent. Before that point the story gave other characters a chance to do cool stuff and shine. However the Red Ribbon army arc goes out of its way to make sure that only Goku gets to be awesome. It doesn't entirely succeed, but it has a decent go at it.

I've already made it clear that I like the side characters, so obviously this is going to be a group effort. Kakarot is not the only person whose going to get awesome moments in this arc, that I promise you.

That said, next chapter will be the last one in awhile. See, I only own the first season of Dragonball, which means that I'm going to have to buy the second one before I can make any more progress on this fic. And I actually do have other fics I have to pay attention to in the meantime, so it might be a couple of months before I get to the second season.

Oh and don't worry, I have no plans for Bulma to become a front line fighter. I just thought the idea of her learning a bit of martial arts might be nice. One big difference between Kakarot and Goku is that Kakarot wants his friends and rivals to be as strong as him, because then he gets a good fight. Goku enjoys a good fight, but doesn't really do much to help his friends get stronger. Kakarot suggested Bulma and Yamcha take the weighted training clothes because he honestly wanted them both to get stronger.

I hope you all had a merry christmas, and that you will have a happy new year!

 **Edit:**

Changes General Silver to Colonel Silver as it is in the dub. My mistake. I also added a few lines between paragraphs to differentiate where they start and stop.


	30. Welcoming Committee

**Chapter Thirty: Welcoming Committee**

The dragon radar in the Red Ribbon Army HQ covered an entire wall, and showed a whole section of the world. A single blinking dot upon the screen little by little began to move elsewhere. General Red watched over dinner in irritation.

'Sir the dragonball in Colonel Silver's section has begun moving.' said an aid.

'Let him no immediately.' said General Red, motioning with one fork. As the aid left, he set down his food and began to pet his cat. 'Its all falling into place. My men are closing in on each of the seven balls. Its only a matter of time before they retrieve them, and I rule the world.'

The corpse of the shopkeeper was not yet cold as Silver looked on in contempt. 'Foolish peasant.' he scoffed as he put away his gun. Suddenly there was a beeping noise from his breast pocket and he reached in to retrieve a communicator. 'Colonel Silver here.'

'Silver, listen up.' said command. 'the dragonball is moving north northwest. Begin pursuit at once.'

'I understand.' said Silver, before putting his radio away. 'soldiers we're clearing out!'

'Sir!' They affirmed.

* * *

Yamcha and Launch had split up to search different sections of town, and now that he was alone he allowed himself to show how tired he was. The seventy five kilos had been tearing at him all day, and every moment he'd wanted to pull it off and go without it. He was badly tired, but he refused to be outdone by Kakarot.

Then three gunshots rang out throughout town. As once he sped up his pace, running through the streets seeking the source. What he saw was an open topped jeep in front of a store. Coming out of the store were a group of soldiers dressed in tan uniforms while walking heavily armed.

At their head was a muscular man with red hair, clad in a blue trench coat. Yamcha had no idea who these guys were, but he didn't like the look of them. As they began to gun the engine swiftly moved past them and climbed up the stairs to look inside. Within lay the body of a man, multiple gunshot wounds in his chest.

'The dragonball is on the move,' the man said to his men. 'we'll track it down.'

Yamcha trembled in anger. He'd seen death before of course, he'd ended lives with his own hand. Yet he'd always tried to avoid it, always done so in a fair battle. This had been entirely senseless. These goons had entered the store, murdered a man and then left without even taking anything. He turned around to face the man.

'Just who the hell do you think you are, pal?!'

The man looked up, an expression of contempt on his face as he regarded Yamcha. After a moment he stepped down from the car. 'I am Colonel Silver of the Red Ribbon army. We're is official business. I'd advise you to show more respect, peasant.'

'Big talk coming from a man who needed three on one odds to kill an old man.' noted Yamcha 'Whats the matter, hot shot? Too scared to fight your own battles?'

'Kill him.' said General Silver.

Five guns were lowered before them, and Yamcha leaped to the side as they opened fire. The doorway was shredded to pieces, as bullets tore through the windows and walls, tearing apart the front of the building. Yet Yamcha had not been hit, and soon their ammunition ran dry. Springing up and launched himself at the soldiers.

As he charged, he fell the full weight of his garments more than ever. One soldier fell to a punch, another was kicked down, and then he was on Colonel Silver himself. His attack was clumsy, and his technique was ruined by his weights. Silver reached up and caught Yamcha's hand in his own, before dealing him a vicious right hook that sent him staggering back. As Yamcha righted himself, Silver drew out a pistol.

Three more shots echoed throughout the town.

* * *

Bulma heard the gunshots as she was looking for Yamcha and Launch, and quickened her pace as Puar ran with her. As she did she cursed the vest and arm bands which were weighing her down. She rounded the corner, and saw a jeep driving away into the distance.

'Oh no!' cried Puar 'Yamcha!'

On the ground lay Yamcha out cold, and Bulma rushed up to him, falling by his side. There were three smoking holes in his outfit, and the front of the nearby building had been blown to bits. 'Oh no, you can't die on me like this Yamcha! You've got to be alright!' She looked up. 'Puar, go see if you can find some medical equipment in that store! Quickly!'

She checked his pulse, and to her relief he was still alive.

Puar came back with a first aid kit. 'The storekeeper is dead in there, and everything's wrecked.'

Yamcha pulled himself up suddenly, groaning in pain.

'Ugh…' said Yamcha 'why am I…'

'Yamcha your alive!' cried Puar before hugging him.

'Yeah, I guess so.' said Yamcha rubbing head.

Bulma couldn't help herself. She slapped him. 'Don't scare me like that! I thought you were dead!' She paused. 'How did you survive?'

'I guess the weighted vest deflected the shots.' reflected Yamcha 'My chest feels like it got run over by a freight train, though.' He moved, and hissed in pain.

Launch came running round the bend with her machine gun in hand. 'Alright, whose been shooting at my friends!'

'Their gone already,' said Bulma 'Launch, help me get his vest off, we need to treat these injuries.'

Little by little they removed the shot and vest, and found several violet bruises on Yamcha's rock hard chest where there should have been bullet holes. Bulma could not help but blush at the proximity. They applied ointment to them, and bandaged him up, before he rose up painfully and put his shirt and vest back on.

'I can't fight in these things…' said Yamcha.

'Give it some time,' said Launch 'you'll get used to them.'

It was right about this point that Kakarot returned, looking in a foul mood as he came up to them, carrying the dragon radar. 'Well I've just been machine gunned by Emperor Pilaf. He got one of the dragonballs by the way. Once again he proves himself a legitimate threat. Are you alright?'

'We're fine,' said Yamcha 'just a little worse for wear. I see you got the dragon radar back.'

'Yes,' said Kakarot, raising it and looking at it. 'from the looks of things the dragonball is moving north northwest. Which is… not the direction that Pilaf went actually. Do you suppose this thing could be broken?'

'Not on your life,' said Bulma 'I'll have you know I made that Dragon Radar to be unbreakable.'

'Hang on,' said Yamcha 'that guy I fought, Colonel Silver, he was looking for a dragonball. I overheard him talking to the others. That is why he killed the shopkeeper in there.'

'Why kill him?' asked Kakarot 'When you could just take what you wanted at gunpoint.'

'I ran into a house which had been wrecked by Silver and his goons.' said Bulma 'I wouldn't put it past that jerk to kill someone just because they weren't of any further use to him.'

'Uh…' Puar began 'When I was looking for a first aid kit I saw a box. It was filled with dragonballs. But they were all fakes, made of colored glass. I could tell. There was also one broken on the ground near the shopkeepers body.'

'Oh that makes sense,' said Kakarot 'I think I have guessed our riddle. Pilaf came to this place seeking a dragonball. The shopkeeper had made forgeries ahead of time, and sold one to him. Then this Silver fellow must have arrived, but noticed the flaws as Puar. Angry at being cheated, he must have murdered the shopkeeper in cold blood.'

'I've killed for less.' said Launch.

'But that doesn't make sense!' said Yamcha 'There has to have been a dragonball here! That Pilaf guy had the ability to detect dragonballs, and you detected one close enough to here to think Pilaf had actually got one. And Silver must have had good reason to think that there was one here.'

'This Silver punk could have been operating on rumors.' suggested Launch. 'Maybe the shopkeeper spread round word that he had powerful artifacts to help him scam people. Same for this Pilaf guy.'

'No, Pilaf has the ability to detect dragonballs.' affirmed Puar 'When Yamcha and I had five of them, we hid them in a ditch and left them. Only we knew where it was. After we were all captured by Pilaf he sent his minions right to the exact spot and took them.'

'And Silver didn't search this place,' said Yamcha 'a guy like him would have ransacked the whole shop just in case. He must have been absolutely certain that the dragonball had moved on.'

Bulma suddenly looked very white, as if something had occurred to her that she didn't want to think about. However after a moment she shook her head. 'We can't just stand around here and do nothing! We have to go after that dragonball and get it before either Silver or Pilaf can!'

'Sounds fine to me,' said Kakarot 'lets get back to the car.'

'I'm driving!' snapped Bulma as they rushed away.

Reaching the car, they entered it and zoomed off at maximum speed. A cloud of dust was kicked up behind them as they surged onwards across the sands. Yamcha looked on the verge of a heart attack. 'Could you possibly slow down!'

'Quiet!' shouted Bulma 'We have a dragonball to find!'

* * *

The dragonball had shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and Pilaf stared in horror and grief, trying to keep himself from sobbing as he stared at the monument to how completely he had been duped. It was not a dragonball at all, but a fake a replica, a posing device that wasn't actually real.

'Oh sire,' said Mai 'you paid a fortune for this useless thing.'

'Idiot!' cried Pilaf 'You don't need to remind me of that!'

At this moment Shu came back. 'Um sire, according to the radar the dragonball is moving away from the ship!'

'Then follow it fool!' snapped Pilaf. 'Its time for us to get back to business, find the real on!'

* * *

Now far away, in the land where Fire Mountain once stood, the Ox King had given up his evil ways and made peace with the neighboring villagers. It probably helped that the Ox King hadn't actually had the heart to do much terrorizing of anyone who didn't deserve it. He and his daughter Chi Chi were honored by the people now, and were enjoying their new life in the tranquil town.

Chi Chi stared out the window sadly. It had been some two weeks since the end of the World Martial Arts Tournament, and she was beginning to miss her friends. In particular, the spiky haired Kakarot. 'Oh, where have you gone my darling Kakarot?' she asked as she gazed out upon the swaying palm trees overlooking the round houses. 'I hope he hasn't forgotten me after all this time. I'll just die if I don't see him soon.'

The sound of massive footfalls marked the approach of her Father, and he came up behind Chi Chi, 'Chi Chi…'

'Oh hi dad,' said Chi Chi.

'Your just crazy about that boy, Kakarot, aren't you?' asked Ox King.

Chi Chi blushed. 'Well he is kind of sweet.'

Ox King put one massive hand on Chi Chi's shoulder. 'You know, the old housekeeper fancies herself a bit of a psychic. Maybe she can help you find him.'

Chi Chi turned to the Ox King with stars in her eyes. 'Oh would she do that?!'

An hour later, Chi Chi and the Ox King kneeled before an old women as a torch was lit, then another. The room they were in was dark, and a shrine stood at the far end with a platter of food before it. The women rang a gong while muttering incomprehensibly to herself. 'Spirit of Fire Mountain, all powerful, will you help this lovesick fool. She can't find her love today. Will you please point out the way.'

There was a long silence. Suddenly the psychic exclaimed.

'What is it?' asked Ox King as he leaned in.

'He's approaching!' cried the women.

'When will he be here?!'

'Very… soon…' said the Psychic.

Ox King looked to his daughter. 'Did you hear that Chi Chi? Your Kakarot is heading to our village!'

'Oh boy!' cried Chi Chi 'Kakarot come here and it will be just like old times! This is great!'

'Well then, I've got a lot of planning to do!' And he got up and made his way to the door, thinking to himself.

'Planning?' asked Chi Chi. 'What for?'

'Well only the very finest feast will do for the friends of the Ox King's daughter!' said Ox King before disappearing. 'I have to get ready!'

* * *

The hum of the jet engine was everywhere as Silver leaned forward gazing out of the cockpit at the passing clouds, seeking any sign of the dragonball.

'The dragonball is bearing towards point B3 bearing north northwest at a rate of fifty miles and hour.'

'So far we still have no visual confirmation,' said Silver 'we'll stay on alert though sir.'

Thus the search continued.

'Look here, Colonel,' said the pilot 'I think we've found it.' Silver looked to the screen and saw the image of a bird flying. 'It seems to be ahead to out left.'

Silver removed a pair of binoculars and looked through them. It was a bird flying onwards, the five star dragonball clenched between its talons. Silver smiled. 'Jackpot, we have a visual.' Then his eyes widened as a giant flying dinosaur appeared and devoured the bird with one single bite. That dinosaur was then clobbered with a huge boulder that broke its neck and sent it spiraling down to earth.

'What?' said Silver as his eyes fixed on a giant far below. 'What the…' Its image was unmistakeable as he picked up the dinosaur and made his way back to a village.

'Colonel that's the Ox King!' said the pilot.

'I see that,' said Silver 'our job just got considerably harder.'

'Heads up,' said the Pilot 'an unknown aircraft in the vicinity!'

A flying death fortress loomed behind them, and Silver looked back, before deciding to quit while he was ahead. 'Soldier, fly us to cover.'

* * *

Meanwhile from where they were piloting the death fortress, Mai shuddered. 'Sire, I think we've run into trouble. Thats the Ox King down there. I've heard he's really ruthless.'

'Nonsense!' proclaimed Pilaf 'My rise to power will not be stopped by some… some… cow man! Now you find a way to get down there and find me that ball or you'll both be crying for your mommies!'

'But sire, he's a monster!' cried Mai.

'Yeah!' said Shu 'He's really strong, and evil and scary! All the villagers are petrified of him! They used to call him the… the Devil King!'

Pilaf looked somewhat less confident. 'Uh… devil king, did you say?'

'Is this the first you've ever heard of him?' asked Mai.

'Uh… well… of course it isn't!' said Pilaf 'But… you know how these stories can be inflated.' The nervous silence that followed was enough to testify that they were in no way comforted by this revelation.

* * *

Colorful banners were erected upon the walls of the Ox King's palace. Servants set out streamers along the walls, as the Ox King returned while carrying a giant dinosaur on his back. The servants, long since used to such displays of might, simply bowed and smiled. 'Welcome sir, may I say what an honor it is to prepare for your daughters guests. I hope you are satisfied with our efforts.'

'The entire village is buzzing about the big party.' said another 'And especially the feast.'

It would be a good time to mention that things were very slow around Fire Mountain.

'Thank you very much.' said Ox King 'I'll be sure to tell Chi Chi how hard you worked on all this.'

Then one worker on the roof looked up. 'Huh? Sir, whats that over there?'

'What?' said Ox King, glancing up. 'Where?'

He followed the servants gaze and saw a gigantic death fortress, brimming with heavily armed guns and other turrets floating gradually towards them. Its might cast a shadow over the whole of the village.

'Oh?' asked Ox King 'Is it the guest of honor?'

Meanwhile Pilaf resided in his chair as they drew near the Ox King's village. 'Ready!' he said 'Prepare to enter attack mode!'

'Wait a minute,' said Mai 'Emperor!'

'Oh what now, Mai?' asked Pilaf.

'Take a look at this sire.' said Mai, putting something on screen.

A great host of villagers waving at them enthusiastically, while amongst them was the Ox King, who was smiling. Cheers came up from the villagers as they drew closer. Pilaf read a sign held up before them in bemusement. 'Welcome back Kakarotto…'

'I think that's Kakarot sire.' said Shu.

'Don't correct me!' snapped Pilaf.

Shu broke into cold sweat. 'Oh me and my big mouth…'

'Wait,' said Mai 'isn't Kakarot that psychotic kid who stole the dragonballs from us?'

'I don't get it,' said Pilaf 'why does Kakarot get this great welcome when I, the great Emperor get zilch?!'

'They must be expecting Kakarot.' said Mai.

Pilaf considered the matter for a moment. Then he began to laugh.

Ox King wandered the palace, looking for his daughter as female servants prepared the guest quarters. 'Chi Chi! Chi Chi! Where did you run off too?!' he cried. Then he glanced to a servant. 'Did you see where that girl went?'

'Erm… I think she went out to pick some flowers.' said the old women.

Meanwhile Pilaf and co had gone about their work well. Mai stood up. 'Emperor the disguise is ready.'

Pilaf smiled. 'Oh Shu, your costume awaits you.' Mai moved forward to begin assembling the costume as Shu squeaked in fright. When it was done, Pilaf looked over Shu now wearing a mask which made him look like Kakarot. 'Mmmhmm, they will never be able to tell.'

'But what if they find me out?' asked Shu 'I'm a terrible actor.'

'You quit that sniveling!' snapped Pilaf 'You see it is more logical to get the dragonball the sneaky way than to battle this big ox on his home field.'

'But I'm even bad at charades.' said Shu.

'And keep your mouth shut, you sound nothing like Kakarot!' snapped Pilaf.

'Whatever you say,' said Shu, sounding completely cowed.

'If you weren't the one with the tail, I sure wouldn't trust you with anything this important.' snapped Pilaf in despair. 'Don't blow it!'

'Yes sire.' said Shu, tail drooping.

* * *

Outside the death fortress began to lower itself down upon the village, its shadow growing ever longer and more complete. The Ox King emerged from his palace to watch with the awed villagers as it stood just inches away from touching the buildings. Suddenly a panel opened and a great hand reached down, and upon that hand stood Kakarot. With no power pole. Flanked by a dark haired women and an imp nobody had ever seen in his company before.

Cheers broke out as the Ox King led the people to meet Kakarot halfway. 'Welcome to my village young man,' said Ox King 'Chi Chi's out, but don't worry, the feast is all planned. Its the finest party in the land right?'

An affirmative cheer rang through the villagers. Despite herself, Mai was in awe of just how stupid everyone in this place was. Pilaf's plan shouldn't have worked! By every natural law it should have fallen apart the moment they saw that Kakarot had a fox tail instead of a monkey tail. At the very least someone should have raised an eyebrow at the death fortress.

Was it something in the water here that made everyone delusional?

Ox King slapped Shu on the back and sent him reeling with a laugh. Then he turned his attention to them, towering over them. 'And who might you two be?' he asked in a booming voice.

'Uh…' they began. 'We're his cousins!'

And they actually bought it. Either there was a method to Pilaf's madness or everyone on this planet was completely insane.

* * *

As they drove along the desert, the group soon came into greener lands. Over the course of some days they homed in on the area of Fire Mountain, following the dragonball. Then Kakarot saw something out his window, and lowered it. 'Is that… the Nimbus Cloud?'

Sure enough, Chi Chi was flying through the air a long distance away. She had not yet seen them. Kakarot glanced to Bulma. 'Bulma, keep on driving. I'm going to meet Chi Chi, I'll meet you at Fire Mountain. Or… whats left of it anyway.'

'Alright kid,' said Bulma 'just don't keep us waiting too long. We've got a dragonball to find. Just let me pull over and'

Kakarot opened his door and leaped out of the moving vehicle, using his power pole to propell himself onwards after Chi Chi. Bulma sighed. 'I hate it when he does stuff like that.'

By a massive apple tree, near a scenic lake, Kakarot met Chi Chi. She was picking flowers with her back to him, while humming to herself and looking out across the water. On a whim, Kakarot leaped up and picked two apples, before approaching her.

'Hey Chi Chi, its been a while!' called Kakarot as he approached.

Chi Chi turned around in surprise, and when she saw him her eyes instantly brightened as a huge smile came across her face. 'Kakarot, I can't believe you came all this way for me.'

'Actually I'm here because I'm looking for dragonballs and I think your father might have one.' said Kakarot.

The sound of shattered dreams was almost audible. 'Oh,' said Chi Chi 'well its nice to see you anyway. I almost felt as though this day would never come.'

'Actually in my experience tomorrow always comes.' said Kakarot 'Well barring the heat death of the universe, but thats another story.'

'Oh Kakarot you big joker!' said Chi Chi, before slapping him playfully.

Kakarot was sent reeling back to slam into the wall, hitting both his tail and his head and landing with a crash on the ground. Pain reverberated through his body as he arose shuddering. Kakarot arose painfully, rubbing himself. 'You just hurt me in my head, and my tail. Remind me why I came here again?'

'Oh I've got to be more ladylike.' said Chi Chi.

'Well you are the World Champion,' muttered Kakarot as he approached. 'so I don't expect anyone will hold winning a fight against you.' He raised the apple. 'Look do you want this apple or not?'

'Oh for me?' asked Chi Chi as she took the apple.

'Sure why now,' said Kakarot, before raising his apple and taking a bite of it.

Chi Chi took a bit of the apple and then smiled. Then they just kind of looked at each other for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.

* * *

Pilaf, Mai and disguised Shu were led to a great hall where everyone was assembled as one. They were seated at the left hand of the Ox King, and waiting. Shu leaned over to Pilaf. 'Emperor I feel bad taking Kakarot's place here. We don't even know these people.'

'Moron,' hissed Pilaf 'you aren't here to make friends.'

'But this is Kakarot's party isn't it?' asked Shu, as he looked at all the pretty faces.

'You just keep pretending until we get the dragonball,' said Pilaf 'then we'll scram.'

'Yes sire.' said Shu.

The Ox King looked down at them, concern in his expression. 'Kakarot, I'm sorry for the waiting, she should be here by now.'

'Oh its no hurry,' said Shu in the worst impression Mai had ever heard.

'You idiot, can't you think on your own?' hissed Pilaf 'Tell him you are hungry so that we can find the ball and sneak out before she gets back!'

'Oh, okay,' said Shu. 'wow, I sure am starving.'

Mai and Pilaf shared a face palm together at the sheer idiocy that surrounded them.

'Oh of course,' said Ox King 'forgive me for my rudeness. We can hold the celebration whenever she gets back.' Then he looked up and clapped his hands. 'Hey bring out the food!'

A drum sounded and great plates of meat were brought forward by servants. Chiefest among them was a massive roasted dinosaur which smelled absolutely delicious. 'There it is Mai,' said Pilaf.

'Yes,' said Mai 'I can almost taste it.'

'Lets have a toast to true friends!' said Ox King 'Even if some of them aren't here right now! May all of your days be very bright, and your battles short.' A cheer rang through the crowd as they raised their cups. 'Okay everyone, lets eat!'

He glanced to Shu. 'Kakarot, you are our special guest! If you need anything, just let me know!'

Suddenly there was a low whistle that echoed through the daylight. One of the walls exploded inwards, scattering those taking cover there. The red ribbon army had made its entrance. Another wall was caved in, as people screamed and ran.

It was at this moment, as the rumbling of tanks became audible, that the Ox King arose looking for all the world different. Gone was the friendly and cheerful host from before, instead there was anger there. And Mai for the first time since she had seen him remembered his fearsome reputation, and realized why he had gotten it.

'What is all this?!' cried Ox King 'Who is knocking my peoples walls down?! I'll give these scoundrels such a beating they'll never walk again!' And hoisting his axe he rushed out in terrible anger.

'Lets move it!' cried Mai 'I'm afraid that its now or never!'

'Don't be foolish!' snapped Pilaf 'This is the best chance to get the ball that we've had yet!' And he rushed over to the cooked dinosaur to begin reaching inside.

The sound of gunfire continued.

* * *

Outside and entire company of heavily armed state of the art tanks approached the village. Only one figure stood against them, a lone giant clad in medieval army. He rushed at them with a simple axe, a war cry on his lips. And in turn the tanks unleashed countless armor piercing shells that could each level a small house.

In retrospect it really wasn't fair to the tank drivers.

Their shells bounced off the Ox King, being no more than a gnats biting upon his frame. And in return he tore them apart. His axe cleaved through armor and rubber and flesh. His legs crushed tanks like cardboard. His arms tore the vehicles apart before hurling them to crush still more vehicles. With an idle shoulder the Ox King decimated some of the most heavy tanks to ever exist.

He left in his wake twisted and broken machines, exploding behind him with those inside them dying horrid deaths from fire and the crushing embrace of metal. Ox King halted a tank with his bare hands, and slammed it into another tank.

* * *

Colonel Silver watched with a combination of awe and horror that he did not allow to show on his face as he went towards the giant. 'He's such a neanderthal.' he said.

'Colonel, do we retreat?' asked a man.

'No,' said Silver 'hold your ground. I'll take care of him.' He drew out an antitank gun. A very special gun, designed to destroy targets that were stronger than the strongest armor. Sighting it at the rampaging giant, he licked his lips in anticipation. Targeting the Ox King's head, he fired.

The bolt surged through the air and caught Ox King in the face, and he clutched his head in pain. It should have blown his head clean off. 'Oh, I can't see!' he cried.

'The net!' called Silver.

Specially designed tanks launched a great weighted net of the strongest material available. It captured Ox King and wrapped around him, sending him falling to the ground as he struggled within its bounds.

Silver chuckled. 'Never tangle with the red ribbon army. All available men, get down there and find that dragonball!'

Pilaf emerged from the dinosaurs stomach, dirtied but victorious. In his hands he held the dragonball. 'At last its all mine!' he proclaimed. Then he saw the soldiers marching around the village outside, heavily armed and accompanied by tanks.

Buildings had huge chunks blown out of them for the entertainment of the soldiers. Walls were crushed beneath the treads of tanks.

Pilaf suddenly realized that Mai and Shu were already gone. Panicking he ran with all his might, hoping against hope that they had not left without him. As he did so he rounded the corner, and saw them waiting for him by the metal hand. He sprinted for them with every bit of strength he had left.

'Come on, come on, come on!' cried Mai.

Behind them a car rounded the corner, a red haired man behind them. 'Get him!' cried the man. A soldier in the passengers seat raised a machine gun and opened fire on Pilaf, blowing holes in the ground around him. A bullet shot through Pilaf's robes, but missed his flesh.

Then he reached the ship and was hoisted from sight just in time.

The Death Fortress lifted off, as the Red Ribbon army completed its conquest of Fire Mountain. Below, Colonel Silver looked up in silent anger.

* * *

It was a far more tranquil scene between Chi Chi and Kakarot as they lounged by the lake, admiring the natural beauty of their surroundings. 'So I was thinking…' said Chi Chi 'one day I want to have a really big family? Do you feel the same way?'

'No, not really.' admitted Kakarot as he lounged on the grass. 'Wait, does a harem of beautiful female slaves count as family?'

Chi Chi looked at him in annoyance. 'Are you making fun of me?'

'No I'm serious.' said Kakarot 'I figure you can be chained to the right side of my throne, and Bulma to the left. You can wear matching outfits that are the same color as your hair. You know, sort of like what you usually wear except a bit more skimpy and-' Chi Chi slapped him and he went tumbling head over heels to land some distance away. He sat up. 'Why do you keep hitting me? I'm only answering your question.' Then he noticed smoke rising in the distance over the hilltops. 'Whats that smoke?'

'Oh,' said Chi Chi 'thats coming from my village! This is really bad! Come to me flying Nimbus!' The Nimbus came flying through the sky and screeched to a halt before her. She looked to him. 'Come on Kakarot, lets go see whats happening?'

'Fine,' said Kakarot, rubbing his head. 'hey is that Pilaf's death fortress?'

Will the Red Ribbon Army allow Emperor Pilaf to escape with the dragonballs? Will Chi Chi and Kakarot get to the village in time to help the great Ox King. Tune in next time to find out!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay couple of things I need to talk about. First, the savvy viewer will notice that I changed a wedding to a welcoming committee. The reason for this is because Chi Chi in the original series kind of lives in her own little world for much of her childhood. In this series she has seen more of the world, and is a little less naive, and doesn't view her relationship with Kakarot as a fairy tale romance.

Secondly, this will be the final chapter for the immediate future. Which is to say, until I successfully get Dragonball Season 2, and maybe not even then. Primarily because I have to continue an Inuyasha Fic which I took a break from to continue this one.

As for the fight between Silver and Yamcha, I'm of the opinion that canon Yamcha at this point in the timeline would have beaten Silver with moderate difficulty. This version of Yamcha, though stronger than in canon, is heavily weighted and still not used to it. As a result Silver was able to get an opening to shoot him repeatedly. If the fight had continued as a fist fight uninterrupted, I expect that Yamcha would have managed a victory.

Also I took a certain delight in having Kakarot ruin a romantic scene between him and Chi Chi. I've basically concluded at this point that if Kakarot has a chance to have a relationship with both Bulma and Chi Chi at the same time, he'll take it without a second thought. This wasn't an intended character trait, but it seems to have worked out that way. Give me your thoughts on the subject in the comments if you want.

Oh and on the subject of romance, I think you could make a very strong case for Goku in canon being bisexual or asexual. Several scenes in dragonball so far have caused me to raise an eyebrow or two at his relationship with a number of male characters. Or maybe I've just been reading too much fanfiction.

So yeah, this has been a fun ride, and I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did enjoy writing it, and I hope to revisit this story at some point.


	31. Diversionary tactics

**Chapter Thirty One:**

Kakarot and Chi Chi sped through the air over the green mountain, heading towards Chi Chi's village where even now smoke was rising. Their hair flowed behind them in a brisk wind as they went on. From where she sat at the front of the Nimbus Cloud, the dark haired girl suddenly widened her eyes in horror as a flying fortress rose into view of them, towering above them. It looked quite ominous, veiled as it was in smoke.

'Thats Pilaf's death fortress!' cried Kakarot.

'Its gigantic!' cried Chi Chi.

Then the fortress sped towards them, soaring over their heads and flying into the distance at a colossal speed. The force of its movement sent them tumbling off the Nimbus. Kakarot grasped at the cloud, but he was pulled through, while Chi Chi grabbed at his tail. The pain was terrible, and the two of them tumbled towards the broken and shattered remnants of the village at a breakneck speed.

'Nimbus, catch us!' cried Chi Chi.

The Nimbus cloud obeyed, and snatched them from their fall mere moments before they hit the ground. Overhead a massive green plane shot past them, soaring after the death fortress at a similar speed.

'That was close…' said Chi Chi.

'Please let go of my tail…' whimpered Kakarot.

* * *

In the meantime, Pilaf relished his victory as he clutched the ball. 'Yes! There is nothing like the glow from a genuine dragonball, is there? Not that you two would know. But its unmistakable.'

'Unmistakable?' asked Shu 'Then how come you paid all that money for a fake ball?'

Pilaf hit him over the head with his very real dragonball to make sure it was genuine. 'Hey, what did you say?'

'Um… nothing,' said Shu.

Pilaf directed his moving chair to stand between Mai and Shu's own chairs. 'So about those army people, are they still chasing us?'

'Yes, their following.' said Mai, looking at the screens. 'but for the time being their keeping their distance.' She looked up. 'I think we're still safely outside of their attack range.'

'I wonder who they are.' said Pilaf. They could be serious trouble.

* * *

Meanwhile Colonel Silver and his subordinate were thinking the same thing as they soared through the air in their plane. 'Who are they Colonel Silver?'

'Probably some reckless millionaires looking for kicks.' muttered Silver. 'They don't know what their getting into. Now less questions and more flying!'

'Yes sir!'

Silver raised his communicator to his lips. 'All soldiers man your fighter jets immediately, stand by for my coordinates.'

Then Colonel Silver pursued the mysterious flying fortress at top speed.

* * *

Back at the village, Colonel Silver's men heard the command, and at once halted their tanks. Getting out of them, they got behind the massive vehicles and pressed buttons on the back of them which reduced them to capsule form. As they stooped to grasp them, however, a blade lashed out of nowhere and dug itself into the ground where the soldiers hand had been.

'What was that for?!' he cried.

'You are literally standing in the ruins of her Kingdom.' said Kakarot ruefully. 'You know, the ones you made.'

'I'll ask the questions!' snapped Chi Chi. 'This is my village! Who are you people?!'

The soldiers lowered their guns in ranks. 'I don't like her tone of voice!' said one, cocking his gun.

Then Kakarot was upon him. He knocked the gun from his hand, then leaped up and snapped his neck. The others went at him, but he plunged his hand through one mans chest, before drawing it out and roundhouse kicking another in the neck with such force that there was a snap.

At that moment a series of energy blasts were unleashed, and Kakarot turned to see Chi Chi beating down quite a few red ribbon forces. 'Your not supposed to hit girls!' she cried, as she ducked and weaved throughout them. 'Shame on you!'

Then she was standing atop a mountain of defeated opponents, crying. Kakarot walked up to one of them and gripped him by the throat with one bloodied hands. 'Where is the Ox King? Tell me, or I'll crush your throat, and ask someone else.'

The man looked terrified, and pointed away. 'That… way…' Then he fainted.

Kakarot looked up and saw a massive figure bound in many nets. A great hand forced its way through, and Chi Chi stopped crying as the Ox King arose once more, unharmed.

'Oh good you're alive.' said Kakarot.

'Daddy!' cried Chi Chi as she approached and hugged him by the hand.

'Lets get out of here!' cried a soldier, tossing a capsule out. The others followed suit, and there were many poofs of smoke, before a series of planes appeared. The soldiers rushed for them, and Kakarot turned round in full. 'Oh no, you don't get to trash my friends villages and live to tell about it. Kaaameeehaaameee-'

Chi Chi set a hand to his shoulder and shook her head. 'Don't kill them Kakarot, it won't fix the houses or bring anyone back.'

As the planes flew away, Ox King groaned, and Chi Chi rushed up to him. 'Daddy are you alright? We need you!'

Kakarot kneeled down by the corpses of his defeated enemies and fished around in their pockets. After a moment of searching he found two capsules and put them into his pockets for later.

* * *

Meanwhile Silver's plane had been led into some cloud cover, so that nothing could be seen in front of their faces save the clouds themselves. 'Its getting foggy,' said the pilot 'visibility is poor!'

Silver marveled at his ability to state the obvious and looked out the window, bored.

'Its impossible!' cried the pilot. 'They've vanished into thin air!'

'What!' said Silver, turning his attention to the front, and seeing that, sure enough. the fortress had simply disappeared before them. However lights could be seen shooting down through the higher clouds. 'Up! Go above the clouds!'

The pilot obeyed and soared upwards until they righted themselves and shot over the clouds far above the world. Yet still no sign of their quarry could be seen. 'Hmm,' said Silver 'not here. Well I guess the hunt is on…'

At that moment a shadow blocked out the sun, and Silver looked up to see the fortress not before them, but behind them! Machinegun turrets came out of the walls and opened fire. The pilot screamed in fear and tried to avoid, but after only a few moments they were caught on the wing and sent spiralling downwards towards the ground.

There was a terrible sudden impact.

* * *

Pilaf's laughter resounded throughout the death fortress as the plane careened down to earth to crash as a flaming wreck. 'Serves them right!' he proclaimed. 'Oh yeah, whose got the dragonball now?! Ahahahaha!'

* * *

As Chi Chi bandaged her fathers wounds, Kakarot waited for his friends to arrive. Finally his curiosity outweighed his desire to seem in control. 'Who were those soldiers? Did you know them?'

'Uh… well… no.' said Ox King 'But given my past, I must have some enemies out there. You see I used to be a very bad man to those who were not my subjects.' Chi Chi looked up in shock, with wordless exclamation. 'But thats besides the point, they crashed your party.'

'Crashed my what now?' asked Kakarot.

'You're terrible,' said Chi Chi 'how can you even pretend you don't know?'

'Didn't know what?' asked Kakarot.

'Thats weird,' said Ox King 'you sure did seem to enjoy that feast we set out in your honor.'

'Feast?' asked Kakarot 'You mean those apples I ate?'

'No,' said Ox King 'well… you were…'

Why did Kakarot get the feeling this was going to be one hell of an awkward conversation? 'Can we eat?'

* * *

Meanwhile the remaining members of Silver's forces flew through the air, seeking their superior. They scanned the surrounding landscapes in vain. Finally someone caught site of Silver, standing unharmed by the wreck of the planet, stoic faced. The body of his pilot lay on the ground, gruesomely deformed by the crash, and covered in blood.

They landed and gave Silver his radio, before assembling before him. Silver kneeled down by the radio, and opened a channel. 'Headquarters this is Silver, we have come under fire and lost our fix on the target. Can you pinpoint their location with the dragon radar.'

* * *

Back at the Ox King's village, explanations were being made. while Kakarot eat a meal.

'So if that wasn't Kakarot at dinner, where was he?' asked Ox King.

'Oh he was with me,' said Chi Chi, blushing. 'he came right out of an apple tree when I was at the pond. We were talking about how wonderful it would be to get married and have a family!'

Kakarot marveled at her ability to misinterpret his words to fit her own personal delusions. He considered making some snarky commentary, and then decided the food he was eating was of a higher priority than trying to explain thing to her. He'd probably just get slapped again.

'Then who fooled me at the table tonight?' asked Ox King, thinking about it.

'There is only one man with the audacity and cunning to successfully impersonate me, and steal a dragonball from the grasp of heavily armed troops.' said Kakarot 'This was the work of Emperor Pilaf! No doubt he seeks to rule the world once again!'

'Emperor Pilaf?' said Ox King. 'You mean he was after the dragonballs? Like the one you took from my castle.'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'and I fear it falls to me once again to stop him. Even so, this is a master stroke even for him. To have convincingly impersonated me tail and all…' Kakarot shuddered at the thought. 'he is truly my greatest enemy. Either that or everyone in this village is a complete and total moron.'

'Kakarot!' came a call from out the door. 'Kakarot are you here?!'

He looked up. 'And here are my friends. One moment please.'

They moved to the doors and found a car blazing down the road downwards the house. It pulled to a halt, and Bulma got out, looking around in shock. 'What happened here? Kakarot, did you do this?'

'Kakarot I thought we'd talked about you destroying villages and how it was wrong.' said Blue Launch, before sniffing at the air. 'Ah, ah, achoo! Alright so… wow I someone really messed this place up.'

'It wasn't me,' said Kakarot 'those guys did.' He pointed to the mangled corpses of his enemies. 'Them and ten others who got away.'

'Ah,' said Bulma, averting her eyes. 'well I'm glad you're alright, kid.'

'Did you get the dragonball?' asked Puar.

'No,' said Kakarot 'once again Pilaf has outwitted us.' He drew out the dragon radar and read it. 'Even now he is fleeing away from here in his death fortress. We must stop him.'

'Kakarot,' cried Chi Chi from behind. 'what about the party?'

'…I'd say the party has been more or less crashed.' reflected Yamcha, looking at the ruins.

'Meh, as far as mass destruction goes I give this a six out of ten.' said Launch, loading her gun. 'Needs work. Lets waste em.'

'Bye Chi Chi,' said Kakarot as he leaped into the chair. 'I look forward to putting a collar around your neck!'

'What kind of goodbye is that?' asked Yamcha as he gunned the engine.

'I've got plans.' was all Kakarot would say as they drove off.

* * *

'Kakarot!' cried Chi Chi angrily. 'Harems are not romantic!'

Ox King came forward and set his hand on Chi Chi's shoulder. 'Chi Chi, are there some details about your relationship with Kakarot that you haven't told me?'

'No,' said Chi Chi with a sigh. 'he's just a barbarian.'

'Be patient, that boy is on a quest.' said Ox King 'But he'll settle down. One day.'

'Oh,' said Chi Chi, feeling disappointed in how things had turned out. 'I guess.'

For a bit she had been in the adventure, but now it seemed she had fallen out of it.

* * *

Black, an imposing dark skinned man in a fine suit, looked at the dragon radar with impatience as the ball came to a halt. He looked to General Red, where he was sitting. 'The radar says the ball is now stationary.' he stated quickly.

 _'Sir, we've just received the coordinates.'_ said Silver over the com. _'We need to verify the position. I have… PX303 Southwest. Correct?'_

'Roger,' said Black 'its within a one mile radius of your current location.'

 _'There is nothing here but a barren desert!'_ snapped Silver. _'They wouldn't have ditched the ball here after such a hard time getting it. It doesn't make any sense!'_

'The radar is highly accurate.' snapped Black, irritated by his tone. 'Your current position is correct. Now you are wasting your time! You can mull over how much sense this all makes while you're conducting your search. You'd better get started. It'll be dark soon.'

* * *

Kakarot drew out his dragon radar. 'Now lets see what the radar says.' To no ones great surprise they were still a ways off. The days of travel had goten boring.

It took a number of days to come anywhere near the balls location, and as they rushed through the desert they would stop every so often for Yamcha to teach Bulma and Launch more martial arts. They were, in truth, in less of a hurry then perhaps they ought to have been. Bulma and Launch were learning the tricks little by little, and becoming more proficient. Launch in the mean time was teaching Yamcha to use the kamehameha wave, with occasional advice from Kakarot.

However much Kakarot enjoyed looking at Bulma and Launch working up a sweat, and the clothes they wore clinging to her nubile form, he was not at ease. Something kept bothering him. He kept looking at the capsules in his hand, reading their label. Finally he looked up. 'Bulma, can I ask you something…'

'Yeah Kakarot, what is it?' asked Bulma.

'What is capsule corp?' asked Kakarot finally.

'Uh…' Yamcha opened his mouth then closed it.

'Its only the worlds biggest company!' said Bulma proudly. 'My dad invented capsules, and everyone wants to buy them.'

'Why don't others sell them?' he asked.

'Well we've got copyright of course,' said Bulma 'my dad patented the invention. It won't wear off for years and years.'

'Okay,' said Kakarot 'may I ask why you are supplying our enemies?'

'Er… what?' said Bulma.

'The soldiers who ransacked Ox King's village used capsule tanks and capsule planes.' said Kakarot simply. 'I want to know why you've been selling to these goons?'

Bulma's face turned white for a moment, and she seemed to remember something else that made her troubled. 'Well I… you don't understand, people just buy these things. We're not really responsible for what they do with them.'

'…You are.' said Kakarot in deadpan.

'Now hold on a second Kakarot, thats not fair.' said Yamcha.

'I think the Ox King's subjects might have a different opinion, Yamcha.' noted Puar.

'Yeah,' laughed Launch 'those red ribbon goons did sort of mess the place up a lot.'

'We aren't very big on weapons tech.' said Bulma weakly.

'Bulma,' said Kakarot 'this capsule corporation sells everything. Literally everything. Houses, means of transportation, tanks and aircraft. Are you seriously telling me that you don't ask what people are going to do with the heavy weaponry they purchase?'

'I…' Bulma stammered.

Yamcha seemed at a loss for words on how to defend her. Puar and Launch were looking at her matter of factly, and sweat dripped down Bulma's brow. 'I don't know, okay! Just because I'm the daughter of the CEO of Capsule Corp doesn't mean that I understand how it works! I don't know what kind of questions my dad asks before a sale, because I'm not involved in the running of the company! Now can we please keep moving?'

'Fine,' said Kakarot 'but you really should learn a bit more about this at some point.'

They rushed onwards through the sands in silence. No one knew quite what to talk about now that they were on the road again. The earlier confrontation had spoiled the mood. In boredom Kakarot looked at his dragon radar.

'Hmm, we're getting very near,' he said, scanning the area. 'but I'm not seeing anything. Bulma could this thing be broken?'

'Its not broken.' snapped Bulma.

'Could you look at it before you make a judgement.' said Kakarot in irritation. 'This thing has seen a lot of action!'

'I know my own inventions Kakarot!' she snapped.

'Then why don't you know who buys them?!' shot back Kakarot.

'I don't need to justify myself to you!' shouted Bulma back.

'Quiet.' said Yamcha in a cold tone of the sort no one wants to disobey. 'We're approaching soldiers. See.' He pulled his car to a halt, and they saw many soldiers walking too and fro with metal detectors. They sifted through the sands with their hands, and dragged the butts of their rifles through them in the beating sun.

A series of planes flew over their heads.

* * *

The plane soared over his soldiers hard at work seeking the dragonball. From where he sat in the co pilots seat, Silver contemplated the matter. 'If that huge fortress landed or crashed I would have surely seen it out here.' He thought to himself.

Then he looked back down to his soldiers and continued to wait.

* * *

The group crept up behind a grouo of soldiers, hiding on the dune beyond as the two men sifted through the sands. They were hunched over, and looked very bored. 'You know, I don't think the dragon radar's working.'

'You know, I agree.' said the other 'I think they spend too much on that kind of junk.'

'Well, we now know for certain they have a dragon radar.' mused Kakarot. 'Care to comment, Bulma?'

Bulma shook her head.

'Oh yeah,' said a soldier 'big money.' Then he exclaimed in surprise! They looked up and saw that one of the soldiers had vanished. He looked up to his friends. 'Hey come here!'

'You find it?' asked a soldier.

'No, no…' said the man, before suddenly his legs were submerged in what appeared to be quick sand. In moments he had disappeared from sight. Before the others could react, they too were dragged down by some unknown force.

'What is happening here?' wondered Kakarot.

Suddenly Bulma stood up, as she saw a communicator lying in the sand. Without warning she burst forward towards it.

 _'This is Silver, come in search party.'_ No answer. _'Hello, is there anyone there?! This is Colonel Silver, do you read?! Search party come in!'_

At that moment Bulma picked up the communicator. 'Hi there, how are you today?' she asked in a false cheerful tone.

 _'What the… who is this?! What is your unit?'_

'Oh I'm not part of your little club of scoundrels.' said Bulma 'I'd just like to thank you for taking part in this successful capsule corporation test.'

'Capsule Corporation… what is the meaning of this?!'

'Well I mean I did invent the dragon radar,' boasted Bulma 'so I've been experimenting with creating emitters specifically designed to project the same energy as the dragon radar.'

'Don't try to fool me, you brat!' snapped Silver 'I know that there was a dragonball in that store! Our scanners detected-'

'The scanners I invented.' said Bulma 'Quick question, hot shot? Did you ever actually see a dragonball in the store?'

There was silence on the other end.

'Didn't think so,' said Bulma smugly 'see I figured I'd test out the emitter by setting up a shop which sold fake dragonballs. I was going to give everyone who purchased one a free refund, but you didn't actually pay for the product did you?'

'…You've been deliberately wasting our time, you little bitch!' snarled Silver.

'Hey no need to get hostile,' said Bulma 'oh wait you already did get hostile! You walked into town and started murdering people in lieu of asking politely. I had to get your little cadre of psychos as far away from civilization as possible.'

 _'This is the last mistake you'll ever make.'_ said Silver. Then the channel cut out.

* * *

There was absolute silence within the HQ. The conversation had been an open broadcast, and had reached all channels on the Red Ribbon Army. Black looked to where General Red was stroking his pet with a shudder of rage. 'Kill her.'

'Colonel Silver,' said Black 'your orders are to abandon the search and kill the girl.'

'Understood sir.' said Silver.

* * *

There was a pregnant silence as they waited around, without any clear idea on how to move next. After a moment Kakarot came up behind her. 'So, may I ask what the point of all that was?'

'I don't know!' cried Bulma 'I'm making this up as I go!'

At that moment there was a terrible sound of droning and they looked up to see a vast host of aircraft approaching them. 'Whats going on?' asked Puar.

'Run,' said Launch, cocking two machine pistols. 'thats whats going on!'

They fled to the vehicle, as the sound of machinegun fire came from behind them. Bullets tore through the sands around them as they leaped into the car and drove off. Bulma swerved this way and that to avoid the shots that tore around them. Launch pulled herself up out of the sun roof and opened fire with her guns, trading fire with the planes. At the same time Kakarot looked out the window. 'You know you could just use a kamehameha wave don't you?!' he called up.

'Are you kidding?!' cried Launch as her guns downed a plane which exploded. 'Killing these punks with guns is the sort of thing I live for! Ahahahaha!'

Kakarot reflected to himself that Launch looked truly appealing holding machine guns. He'd love to see what she looked like clad in chains. He could picture her defiant expression as he forced her down onto a bed…

'Ah, ah, achoo! Ah! What am I doing standing here, its not safe! Eeek!' Blue Launch tumbled down as machinegun fire raced past where she had been moments before. 'Why does this keep happening to me?'

'Puar,' said Yamcha 'get me my RPG.'

'Right,' said Puar, before using a capsule that revealed an anti tank weapon.

'…Why were you keeping that?' asked Kakarot, morbidly curious.

'I'm a former bandit,' said Yamcha as he shouldered it. 'I come prepared.' Peering out the sunroof, he launched a shot which soared towards a plane that was hit, and exploded into flame, its wreckage crashing to the ground. The others, however, intensified their shooting.

Suddenly their tires were shot out, and the ride became far rougher. Out the window, Kakarot could see a vast swath of foes heading towards them at high speed. 'Bulma, I hope you have an escape plan.'

'I'm doing the best I can!' snapped Bulma 'Why don't you fire a kamehameha wave or something?!'

'Even I can't shoot down that many planes!' snapped Kakarot before he remembered Chi Chi's fight with Master Roshi. 'Wait a minute! We don't have to! KaaameeehaaameeeHAAA!'

He launched the wave straight out the back window. In an instant the beam shot out like a rocket, and all the windows shattered. The force sent the car speeding across the desert at a speed that sent the whole landscape out as a blur. Launch fell out to land in the front seat with a crash. Bulma was slammed against the back of her seat. Puar cowered, as the wheels caught fire and the car was sent hurtling through the air, propelled by the kamehameha wave.

Then, in entirely different surroundings, they crashed.

The group limped out of the car wreck, clutching their heads and feeling terrible.

'Well that… certainly happened…' said Yamcha.

'Why won't the world stop spinning?' asked Puar, eyes swirling.

Bulma fell to the ground with a crash. 'Why did I decide to provoke the red ribbon army again?'

'I don't know!' snapped Kakarot 'The only thing you've done is get them off Pilaf's back! That… may or may not be a good thing.' He raised the dragon radar. 'Alright, alright, so lets just pretend as though Bulma's plan made sense, and start looking for another dragonball. With any luck we'll be able to get it before Pilaf and his cronies do.'

* * *

Meanwhile the five soldiers who had been dragged down awoke within a cell. A video camera sprang to life before them, showing a blue imp like creature. 'Welcome to my humble abode!' he said 'I presume you belong to some army, what with those snappy uniforms of yours. Why don't you come work for me?'

'Never!' snapped the leader 'Just let us go!'

'Well you may change your mind soon enough…' said Pilaf.

'Sire,' said a woman's voice. 'the enemy army has moved on. Their chasing the kids who stole your wish last time.'

'Excellent,' said Pilaf 'now we need only gather the other dragonballs and we'll be home free!' Things were looking up for Pilaf and his henchmen.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, just a quick note, I have no plans to make this a harem. I am merely writing Kakarot in character at this stage. The whole harem sub plot is almost certain to crash and burn, and the sooner Kakarot develops past this phase the better. Even so, for now he wants a harem. I didn't plan this, but I'm running with it.

Now you may be wondering why I choose to keep Pilaf in the game. After all, he's just a joke character. He isn't very menacing in his first arc, and he only gets less so afterwards. So why keep him?

Because, and you aren't going to believe this, I consider Pilaf to be a far more competent main villain than General Red. Seriously, just look at their resources, their plans and their results. Pilaf has no strong fighters, only having gadgets and his death traps. When he mistreats his subordinates, its mostly to speed up their results. He has to rely on out smarting Goku and the Red Ribbon army, and given limited resourced and manpower he does a pretty good job. He also has a very strong evil plan, he desires to rule the world. And he comes pretty close to doing it.

In sharp contrast, General Red has many strong fighters at his disposal. He has a massive army, and yet he wastes it. He singlehanded kills off his best and brightest soldiers not just for one failure, but for partial success. As for his evil plan, he wants to make himself taller, its pathetic, really.

So yeah, General Red might look more menacing, and kill more people, but Pilaf is overall the more competent and resourceful adversary. Primarily because he has a plan worth a damn, and doesn't waste his resources.

The reason that this chapter was so delayed, aside from the reasons stated in the previous chapter is because I'm binge watching Dragonball season 2, to figure out how to fit everything together. Updates for this season will likely be a bit slower, because I plan to deviate more from the source material.


	32. The Scouring of the Forests

**Chapter Thirty Two: The Legend of a Dragon**

The weights went up and down with laborious effort. Deep within his lair, one of the most ruthless members of the Red Ribbon Army sculpted his body to deadly perfection. Slowly and with meticulous precision, he pushed himself towards the limits of his physical prowess, which seemed as boundless as his lethal intellect. He was more than just a soldier for hire, he was ambitious, he was brutal, he was Colonel Silver, one of the driving forces behind General Red's acquisition of the seven dragonballs. He would stop at nothing to reach his goal, even now he was no doubt hatching yet another fiendish scheme to secure the next ball, and demolish anyone who got in his way.

With a cry of anger he pulled the weights with such force that one of them broke free of the machine and flew through the air to crash into the floor. It was so heavy that it broke a hole in it. Sweat dripped from the Colonel as he finished that stage of his training.

Later he stood before a punching bag, fitting on boxing gloves as he shoved it away from him. The bag swung backwards, then forwards again. General Silver unleashed a flurry of punches against it, bending and warping the bag with the force of his blows until one final jab sent the bag spewing out sand. It was now useless.

Still later Silver lounged against the ropes of a boxing ring, as three massive men prepped themselves for a round. The first man, massive with dark skin, loomed over him and launched a bunch which was easily batted aside. His second was likewise defeated, and finally he was jabbed upside the head with an easy strike that sent him reeling unconscious out of the ring. The floor beneath his back broke.

Silver looked to the other three with easy confidence. 'Next.'

With a cry the other three surged forwards. A blue haired man swung a flurry of punches, and hit nothing but air. A bald man struck, but in vain. Silver dodged their punches with absolute ease, sidestepping their every movement. At last he turned his back to them and began to walk away at a leisurely pace.

Enraged the Boxers charged as once. Yet Silver turned round to face them. A tawny haired one was punched out before he could launch a strike. The bald one was knocked out in a moment later, and with his final move Silver defeated the third. There was a moment as the boxers stood still, Silver standing beyond them.

Then they fell down with a crash. Silver scoffed in contempt and hoisted himself easily over the ring, to walk away.

'Yet another magnificent performance, Colonel Silver.' said a guard.

'I expected more of a challenge from professional boxers.' replied Silver, before drawing off his gloves.

'Commander Red is waiting to see you, sir.'

'Mmmhmm.' said Silver.

From where he was watching through the spy cameras he had planted throughout all the Red Ribbon Army compounds, Dr Gero, a lean white haired man with a mustache, wearing a black top hat, leaned back in his chair, and looked to his son. 'Barracks, come away from that animal. It has nothing to do with our business here.'

Barracks, a massive man with a ginger mohawk, looked up from the balcony. On his fingers was perched a bird willingly. He whispered calm words into its ear, before setting the bird free to fly away. 'Nature has everything to do with us, father. You should learn to appreciate life more.'

Dr Gero sighed. 'I have no time for such pleasantries. I have been observing Colonel Silver. I believe an individual of his physique and ability should suit our purposes well.'

'Shall I approach him then?' asked Barracks, coming into the room.

'No, not yet.' said Gero 'Let that fool red alienate him a bit first. Then we'll make our move.'

Very few people had the courage to speak with such open disrespect of General Red, whose cruelty and ruthlessness were known throughout the world. However Dr Gero had the benefit of being invaluable, and besides that, actually competent. He made no secret of his contempt for their leader, because Red was scarcely aware of his existence. To Red, Gero was just a scientific leader.

For his part, Barrack's had little care for the complications of Red Ribbon Army politics.

* * *

The sun shone down upon far more tranquil surroundings as wind blew through flowers. In the shade of a tree, Kakarot observed as Yamcha, Bulma and Launch continued to train. Since their narrow escape from the Red Ribbon Army, they had gotten a new set of wheels and driven to more appealing locations in their pursuit of the next dragonball.

Bulma was learning martial arts well, she figured out the stances easier than Launch did. It was probably because Launch had her own ideas of how one should do something as simple as throw a punch and on reflex resorted to them. It messed her up. Meanwhile Bulma had a fresher mind on how to approach things.

Though if it came to a fight, it would be obvious that Launch would win.

More to the point, however, Kakarot noted with satisfaction that his friends had by this point adapted quite well to their weights. They now moved as if they weren't wearing weights at all.

As he thought about this, he noticed that Launch and Bulma had begun to spar. It lasted only a few moments before Launch proved the victory, and knocked Bulma flat. However it was a few moments longer than it would have been before. Bulma had gone from merely in shape, and gradually gained a more toned physique than before over the past few weeks. She looked like she was having fun with the practice.

After a moment, Kakarot arose and begun to practice his stances.

* * *

General Red was in a foul mood. A very foul mood. Fouler than he'd ever been in, in fact. For the good General had a policy of giving no second chances, no toleration for failure. No forgiveness for lapses of judgement which cost the Red Ribbon Army its prize.

Given recent revelations, he looked like a hypocrite.

'Enter!' snapped General Red.

The doors opened and Colonel Silver entered the room. Even as he did so, Red's pet surged forward, claws bared. Red stepped aside, and it passed him, before kicking off the door, then the wall and came in for another pass! Silver moved aside, and for his trouble got a thin line of red across his cheek.

Red laughed as Silver drew out a cloth and wiped the blood. 'Hehe, nicely done, quick reflexes, unflinching nerve. Yer instincts serve you well. The last person to walk through that door lost an eye. Needless to say, he's no longer with us.' His pet snarled.

Silver stiffened.

It was only now that Red allowed his displeasure to be known. 'My officers have discussed the matter of Bulma Briefs. We have concluded that since there are only seven dragonballs showing up on the radar, the likely hood of that wench creating a false signal is very low. She was deliberately baiting us to draw us away from her allies. And she succeeded.

Since the failure was one of command, I have decided to overlook your inability to kill her and her associates.

Do not fail me again.'

By this he meant, I screwed up too, let us never speak of this again.

'Of course, General.' said Silver 'I am pleased to serve.'

'And so you shall,' said Red 'for now we are turning our attention away from seizing the dragonballs already claimed. We will instead focus on those yet to be found. Five dragonballs are all that stand between me and global domination.' He pressed a button and an ornate picture drew itself back to reveal a map of the world with five blinking dots. 'Look closely, each dot marks the location of the remaining dragonballs. I must have them!'

Silver turned around. 'Well, unfortunately it seems there are other interested parties that feel the same way.'

'Those that disturb our efforts are to be eliminated with extreme prejudice!' snapped Red 'I don't tolerate opposition! By anyone!' His pet screeched and Red hurled a dagger through the air. It spun over Silver's head and imbedded itself into the skull of a priceless statue. The piece cracked and shattered into fragments.

Red laughed heartily. 'Ya get the point?'

'Yes General,' said Silver, before saluting.

Thirty minutes later the gates of the Red Ribbon Army HQ opened wide and out of it stormed a great host of heavy machinery. Tanks, cars, digging tools and power equipment were among them. And many more capsules were available for their use. Heavy weaponry was theirs to command. As the dust cloud kicked up from their efforts faded into the distance, General Red dreamed of world domination.

They were now driving along a series of rocky highlands. Between the hills were many trees, where countless creatures dwelled. It reminded Kakarot of his home, but it was a bit more arid, a bit less wet and airy. Kakarot examined his dragon radar. 'Alright everyone, keep alert. The radar says we're getting near the ball.'

'Its probably in this forest somewhere,' reflected Bulma 'just what I wanted to spend my time on, more wilderness adventures.'

'I'm sorry is there something you'd rather be doing?' asked Kakarot.

'Robbing a bank,' said Launch.

'Practicing martial arts.' said Yamcha.

'Eating pork.' said Puar.

'Going to school.' said Bulma.

'I thought you finished school early,' said Kakarot.

'Yeah but I go there anyway for the social life.'

'Really?' asked Kakarot 'Because I was under the impression that you didn't have any friends because of your eccentric genius.'

'Erm…' Bulma paused. 'well I may have been exaggerating there. I'm kind of the most popular kid in school.' Kakarot gave her a look. 'What? I'm beautiful and obscenely rich! It comes with the territory.'

'Yamcha, Launch, do you have to go to school or something?' Inquired Kakarot.

'Actually no,' said Yamcha 'where I'm from there isn't a public education system. We mostly just learn from our parents and village elders. You didn't really think that public education was a world wide phenomenon did you?'

'And girls aren't allowed to go to school where I'm from.' said Blue Launch 'We're talk to cook and clean and keep an orderly house. I think thats why my other self likes blowing stuff up so much. She hates being looked down upon.'

Kakarot suddenly became aware of a groaning in his stomach. 'Hey, can we stop to eat? I'm starving.'

'Yeah, I'm a bit hungry myself.' said Bulma. 'Alright we'll pull over, and we can get some more training in.'

They pulled over and got out their food to begin eating. Kakarot quickly finished his share and went looking for more in the forest. Scaling a high tree, he came across a tree with a tasty looking fruit in it. Plucking it he opened his mouth to chow down. However at the last minute a small furry hand reached down an snatched it from him.

Looking up he saw a little monkey scampering up the nearby tree, fruit in hand. Kakarot's eyes narrowed. 'Tonight I dine on monkey soup.'

He stalked after the creature, clambering with ease after it. Yet it proved swift of foot indeed. He came up silently behind it, and prepared to devour it and the fruit. However then he saw the little creature, dancing before its mother in joy. Its mother looked down on it with pride, and he found himself touched, and unwilling to ruin the scene.

'…Keep the fruit,' he said at last. 'I need it not.'

Then he began to climb down. As he did so, the monkey jumped with such enthusiasm that it fell off the branch. Its mother leaped down after it, and both landed. The mother was on her feet, while the baby landed hard. The mother picked up its baby and began to lick its bruises as it lay around bruised.

Kakarot wondered what his own mother was like. And if she ever thought of him. He suddenly felt very vulnerable, and he hated the feeling.

At that moment a black panther appeared out of the bushes, teeth bared. It snarled as the monkey cowered before it, unwilling to leave its child, but unable to escape without doing so. The beast lunged, but then Kakarot appeared and kicked it away. He used less power than he could have, after all the beast was only looking for a meal.

After a brief stare down, the beast ran away.

Then the little monkey came forward and offered him the fruit it had stolen. 'You are offering me tribute?' inquired Kakarot 'Very well I accept.'

Then all kinds of monkeys came out of the woods with all manner of fruit to offer him as tribute. Kakarot ate of it gratefully, and vowed to himself that if he ever had a chance to return the favor, he would.

It was rather nice being regarded as a monkey god.

* * *

Meanwhile General Silver's forces had made camp at the borders of the forest. Silver stood atop a cliff and scanned the surroundings for anything of note. No one could be seen on the horizon, and endless green stretched all the way to the mountains. 'Its out there.' he said 'I know it is.' He turned to his men. 'I want the entire jungle searched! Dig it up! Burn it down, I don't care! Just find me that dragonball!'

The tanks moved forward, followed by Silver's jeep.

* * *

A monkey god had come among the monkeys and helped their kind in their hour of need. In gratitude, the monkeys had offered the god fruit, and he had been grateful and eaten of it. Now the monkey god slept, and they surrounded him.

At that moment one of the monkeys appeared and called to the others, drawing their attention away. A strange presence had made itself known in a tree, and the monkeys now clustered around it curiously. One of the bolder males scaled up it as the others looked on.

Then he found what he was looking for. Caught between the fork in one of the branches, an orange orb with five stars within it glowed alluringly. Three monkeys looked at it curiously, sensing its importance. Fearfully, one reached out to touch it. As soon as his finger made contact, he felt the magic and recoiled. The tree shook as they fled, and the ball fell out to land on the ground.

The monkeys screeched at it angrily, yet among them a child stepped forward and held it in two hands. Shaking it, he seemed more fascinated than afraid. Then he slipped, and sent the ball rolling forward. As it did so, the monkeys closed in around it, their fear slowly eroding.

In the clearing above, two birds flew overhead.

* * *

'Kakarot!' came Puar voice. 'Kakarot where are you?!'

Kakarot's eyes opened as a chill wind blew across him. He arose, and found himself sitting amidst a series of gnawed on fruit cores. 'How long have I been sleeping out here?'

At that moment Puar came through the trees. 'Kakarot, there you are! You had us worried. You can't just run off like that.' Suddenly there was a beeping noise. 'Is that the dragon radar?'

Kakarot brought up the radar. 'Yeah, it says the dragonball is moving. We'd better get a move on now. We have no idea who found it.'

'Lets meet up with the others and continue the search.' said Puar.

Meanwhile the monkeys had begun to toss the dragonballs back and forth in a game of catch. They laughed amongst themselves as one caught it and was nearly bowled over by its weight.

* * *

It was a bright sunny day at Kame House, and Krillen was training. 'Ninety one, ninety two, ninety three,' he shoved himself up again. 'ninety four,' the three massive turtles on his back, combined with Master Roshi weighed him down. 'ninety five, ninety seven,' Master Roshi fanned himself absently. 'ninety seven!' Krillin was beginning to get tired. 'ninety eight,' the weight was like a mountain. 'ninety nine!'

He collapsed, and Roshi leaped off the turtles. 'Nine hundred and ninety nine? Is that all you got in ya boy?'

Krillin panted painfully.

'Well,' said Roshi 'why don't we break for a snack and then we can talk.'

Later as they eat their way through a great bowl of ice cream, Master Roshi relished the delicious strawberry taste. 'Yeah, feel the breeze!' he cried. 'Aren't you going to dig in Krillin?'

'I'm kind of tired.' admitted Krillin.

'Tired?' asked Roshi 'If Kakarot heard that he'd be laughing his head off!'

'Yeah, but Kakarot isn't exactly ordinary is he?' asked Krillin, before his expression grew thoughtful. 'I wonder where he is? Do you think he's still searching for those dragonballs?'

Roshi took another scoop of ice cream and downed it. 'Its a worthy pursuit, but he'll be busy for quite some time. Those balls won't fall into his lap like the one I gave him!'

'Do you know about the dragonballs?' asked Krillin 'Where they come from, I mean.'

'Why yes,' said Roshi 'I remember hearing the great legend once. But I doubt you're ready for such a heart wrenching tale. This is powerful stuff we're dealing with.'

'I think I can handle it.' said Krillin.

'Yes, I'll bet you can.' said Roshi 'Anyway, the legend, as I was told, goes something like this: In the beginning there was only one dragonball and it was huge! I mean really huge! It had to be, it held all of the mystical energies of the universe! An ancient shrine discovered it and were awed by its magnificent power. They built a shrine around it, and protected the orb by placing it in the mouth of a giant dragon statue, said to be its eternal guardian. You should have seen the detail on this thing! It was incredible! Scales made of rubies! Teeth of pearl! And speaking of pearl, they say there was this one native girl-'

'Get on with it!' said Krillin.

'Hrm, yes,' said Roshi 'well the tribe enjoyed years of prosperity until one day, evil paid a village in the form of a band of thieves. These agents of darkness stormed the temple in an effort to steal the dragonball for their own selfish gain! They were shocked to discover the true power of the ball! To ensure that something like that never happened again, the dragonball was divided into seven smaller orbs and scattered across the globe! Separately the dragonballs were useless, but when all seven were united then a single voice could summon the eternal dragon for one wish. And one wish only.

Some wishes were pure, but others were tainted by blind ambition. This led to pain and suffering as an unjust few wished for power and dominion over mankind. But, as the story goes, there will one day come a hero who will use the dragonballs for goodness, and bring peace and unity to the world once more!'

'Master are you making this up?' asked Krillin.

'Of course not!' said Roshi.

'So I'm not going to run into some ancient wiseman who will tell me a completely different version of the dragonballs history?' Krillen pressed him.

'If you did, they'd be lying.'

There was a long pause as Krillin and Master Roshi met each others gaze firmly. '…Can I get that in writing?' asked Krillin after a moment.

'Why don't we change the subject,' said Roshi quickly. 'what would you wish for if you got the dragonballs Krillin?'

'Ultimate power.' said Krillin. 'What would you wish for?'

At that question, Roshi's eyes grew distant and his mouth hung open as he thought of what he would wish for.

'How about a napkin?' asked Krillin 'Master you're drooling.'

'Hmm, yeah, lets see what could old Roshi ask for?' said Roshi 'A piece of something, thats for sure!'

'I guess all that heroic stuff is out the window.' reflected Krillin.

'Don't you have something you should be doing right now?' asked Roshi.

'Like what sir?' asked Krillin.

'Like going outside and earning your muscles the old fashioned way!' snapped Roshi.

'Yes sir!' cried Krillen, before leaping out the window.

'One wish…' said Roshi 'easy.'

Krillin in the mean time was carrying a giant turtle around the island while wearing his usual weights. 'One things for sure, if I had the dragonballs I'd never have to play taxi to a turtle.'

* * *

The group made their way through the forests, having met up again and begun following the dragonballs through the woods.

The monkeys tossed the dragonball back and forth between each other, until one of them was conked on the head by it before it could catch it. The others laughed, and the game went on.

Elsewhere tree after tree was felled by the machines of the Red Ribbon Army. Ancient oaks were torn up by devices of metal. Vast swaths of underbrush were consumed beneath flamethrowers. Men with guns searched throughout the forest.

Two in particular made their way onwards while speaking with each other, each wearing a red ribbon. 'So then accounting tells me that they'll have to take it out of my next paycheck, and I'm just like 'Wait a minute man, the ribbon should come with the uniform, free, end of discussion,'

'At least ya didn't let him walk on ya.' said his friend.

At that moment something flew out of the trees and conked him on the head, before flying into the underbrush. 'A dragonball just hit your head!'

'Huh?'

They made their way through the trees and saw the dragonball lying unguarded on the ground. 'I think I smell a promotion.'

At that moment a baby monkey came by and picked the dragonball up, before running over to its fellows. They snarled and hissed at the soldiers lowered their guns and opened fire without a word.

The monkeys fled into the underbrush, though one was struck with a bullet and fell dead. The others escaped.

* * *

Silver got a priority call on his communicator as he lounged in the jeep. 'This is Silver?'

'Colonel we've found the dragonball!'

'What?'

'The- the monkeys have it sir!'

'Have you caught them?!'

'Well… not yet sir.'

'Idiot!' roared Silver, before throwing down the communicator. 'Incompetent morons! Must I do everything myself?!' He looked to the driver. 'What are you waiting for?! Drive!'

* * *

Chaos engulfed the woodlands, as creatures fled from a fire started by the Red Ribbon Army. Smoke rose up as the soldiers destroyed everything in their path trying to flush out the monkeys. From a hilltop, Kakarot and his friends looked down. They could see figures causing untold destruction.

'Thats the Red Ribbon army!' said Kakarot.

'We'd better go.' said Yamcha 'Bulma, Puar stay here!'

As they rushed through the trees, Kakarot realized suddenly that what the Red Ribbon Army was doing was his end goal. This thing he was fighting was the very thing he meant to do once he achieved his goal in wishing for the dragonballs. Though he tried to shove the knowledge from his mind, it would not leave him alone.

* * *

The flames and carnage which had claimed so many lives already were somehow not enough for Silver. It would never be enough until he had achieved his goal, and gotten the dragonballs!

'Fire!' cried Silver, motioning with a hand. 'Get them, now! Fire!'

Bullets raked the woodlands, killing countless creatures which scurried for cover. Monkey corpses lined the ground, dragged into a clearing. Screams could be heard as a flamethrower crew torched the underbrush.

Birds were shot out of the sky to land dead on the ground, and then were crushed underfoot by the implacable advance of the Red Ribbon Army.

Amidst and outlying force of Red Ribbon personal, they were hard at work destroying everything they found.

The a spiky haired boy in red surged out of nowhere and snapped a flamethower wielding mans neck without a word. At the same time a man with dark hair clad in green rushed into view, knocked the weapon from another mans hands, and with one kick slammed him against a tank.

Two men lowered their guns into firing position. 'Hold it right there! Hands up or else you're barbeque!'

'Barbeque this!' snapped a voice.

They turned to face a blonde haired women, carrying a pistol. They raised their guns, but there was a sound of eight gunshots before they fell dead. Sheathing her pistols, Launch cupped her hands. 'Kamehameha!'

A beam of blue light obliterated a nearby tank.

Two soldiers stepped back in fear, their guns shaking in their hands. Then someone crept up behind them. As they turned they were knocked out by two swift chops to the neck. Bulma stepped forward, looking at her hands.

'Bulma,' said Yamcha 'I thought I told you to stay behind.'

'Yeah, but we didn't want to stay behind.' said Puar.

'Yamcha, I know you are teaching me martial arts, but don't think you can order me around.' said Bulma 'I wanted to see you guys in action, and then I figured I'd get in on it.' She pumped her arm. 'Oh yeah, no one is keeping this girl down!'

'We don't know what these guys are capable of!' snapped Yamcha. 'And- Hey, where's Kakarot?' Kakarot was gone.

'I thought he was with you.' said Bulma.

The group realized they had been ditched again. 'Why does he keep doing this?'

* * *

Five dead monkeys lay strew on the ground by a stump, one of many trophies now riddled with bullets around the camp. Silver looked at them with narrowed eyes, then turned to his officer. 'Well?'

'We searched all of them sir.' said the soldier 'Still no sign of the dragonball!'

At that moment a rock hurtled out of nowhere and crushed a tank, driver and all. A spiky haired boy with black hair emerged from the shadows of the flame. Silver's soldiers looked on in awe, but Silver kept his cool. 'Hey you, monkey boy.'

'Red hair,' said the boy 'blue trenchcoat, you fit the description the Ox King gave me. Your going to pay for all the destruction you've caused here. These creatures were mine.'

Silver cracked his knuckled through brown gloves. 'I'm Colonel Silver, pleased to kill you.'

'You think I'm afraid of you, fool?' snapped the boy, taking a stance. 'You severely overestimate your ability.'

At that moment a shadow leaped off the rock sitting on the crushed tank and raced by them for the trees. Their battle forgotten, for a monkey mother was clutching its child and leaping through the trees. And in that childs arms was the five star dragonball.

'The dragonball!' cried Silver.

'You, drop that artifact at once!' snapped the boy as he ran after the creature. 'Quickly before its too late!'

'Soldier your rifle!' snapped Silver 'Now!'

The soldier tossed him the rifle and Silver aimed at the fleeing monkey. It was a moving target at a great rang. Yet Silver kept his mind clear.

'But sir!' cried a soldier 'Their too far away! Thats an impossible shot!'

Silver fired, and the bullet was away. It caught the mother in the back to his satisfaction. Less to his satisfaction was the fact that the mother was now tumbling down a gorge with the dragonball in hand. At the very least the boy followed and went over the edge as well.

Kakarot caught the wounded mother by the tail and caught himself by a crevasse in the rock. The child let go of the dragonball, and clung to its whimpering parent. Holding himself up with one arm, Kakarot hoisted the mother up, noting the blood dripping down from her into the river.

'Get me that ball!' cried Silver from the cliffs. 'Move it!'

Then they rushed away.

All this for nothing? Countless animals dead, and a fair share of humans as well, numerous beautiful trees laid to waste. Even now a forest fire raged, consuming so many more lives. All for what? A single round orb with five stars?

Kakarot was beginning to think that the dragonballs were not a force for good in this world. Especially given why he wanted them.

Yet Kakarot found he didn't care about any of that right now.

All that mattered to him was whether the mother and its child would live.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So yeah, this chapter was way darker than the original episode. In the original episode Silver's men only succeeded in breaking a few trees and inflicting a few comical injuries on the Monkeys that are healed offscreen. The result is that the red ribbon army comes across more as bullies than in monsters.

Not here. In this thing, because he is really killing people, and really causing mass destruction, Silver comes across as completely axe crazy. And hey, Bulma actually got a fight. I'm almost certain she won't end up becoming a common fighter, but at least she won't get held hostage as much.

To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of glad I made this chapter darker. In the original it was a boring filler episode which featured a bunch of stupid monkeys doing nothing of any importance. Meanwhile in this version, its a chilling explanation of the Red Ribbon Armies cruelty.

Oh and Doctor Gero is here. Whats this? The supposed Mastermind behind the Red Ribbon is actually showing up in the Red Ribbon Army arc? Who would have thought!

In all seriousness the big problems with the Red Ribbon Army Saga are twofold. First, Goku gets almost all the spotlight at the expense of other characters. Second although the story is filled with strong villains, the overarching villain is incredibly weak. I mean to fix both those problems.


	33. Dr Gero's Offer

**Chapter Thirty Three: Dr Gero's Offer**

Kami beheld an army seeking the dragonballs from high in his lookout. Judging them wicked in nature, he summoned up a rain storm to interfere with their quest. It would not prevent them from taking it, if all else failed. But it would delay them long enough for a more worthy quest to gain it.

* * *

Dusk lay over the river, so the whole of the world was bathed in orange lights. Birds chirped in the waning day, as the mountains distant became less and less visible. The world went on, despite the slaughter which had been committed only a few hours prior.

The Red Ribbon Army moved on with no appreciation for the beauty of the landscape. This time they went by boat. Many armored ships floated along the river. Undersea divers dove into the river, seeking the dragonball. Yet in vain.

Colonel Silver gritted his teeth, pacing in frustration. The Red Ribbon Army did not tolerate failure.

* * *

Paur finished her efforts as the sun had nearly sunk behind the hills. Within the shade of the forest, she had removed the bullet using her medical kit, cleaned the wound and then bandaged it. Now the only question was whether the mother would survive.

'Is she going to be alright?' asked Kakarot, looking very worried.

'Don't worry Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'Puar used to bandage me up when I got injured too. She's an expert.'

'Well thats good,' said Bulma 'but I don't see what the big deal is? I mean its just a monkey.'

'And you are just a human.' snapped Kakarot 'If somebody shot you in the chest, I expect you would want medical treatment as well.' He looked down to the monkey child, who was nuzzling its mother. Running his hand through its ears. 'You needn't worry, your mother will survive. And I will avenge your clans losses here today.'

Suddenly water dripped down onto his forehead, and his attention was drawn upward to gathering clouds. More water fell down, and before long they were standing amidst a downpour of rain. In moments they were soaked.

'Vengeance will have to wait.' reflected Kakarot 'Bulma do you have a capsule house?'

'I didn't exactly go on this trip planning to go on a quest, kid.' said Bulma.

The monkeys motioned with their hands, telling them to follow. Lightning tore across the sky at the same time.

'You think we should follow them?' asked Puar.

'We don't have any other options.' reflected Kakarot.

* * *

Meanwhile the river began to rock the ships back and forth, further inconveniencing their efforts. It was now too dangerous to continue work, and so Silver chose to postpone the search. 'All personal abort search and report to sector F708. I repeat, all personal abort search and report to sector F708.'

Silver watched the divers pulling themselves up the ship, feeling the chill rain beating down upon him. More delays would not go well with the Red Ribbon HQ. He turned and made his way back to the Capsule House where he was staying.

In the meantime the group had taken shelter in a cave. It was small, very small, so that they were all cramped together. Bulma shuddered, and shook her head. 'This is awful, why couldn't anyone think to bring a Capsule House?'

'We were just supposed to go to the World Martial Arts Tournament, fight in it, and leave.' muttered Yamcha 'This wasn't part of the plan.'

'Well at least there is a lot of body warmth here.' said Blue Launch cheerfully.

Lightning struck, and a tree fell from the ground into the river, alongside the rocks it stood on.

Deep within the river, as the rain pour down harder and harder the dragonball was shifted from its position and sent spiraling away downriver. By the will of Kami, it was caught in a current and dragged farther and farther away, down a waterfall. As the river overflowed it was washed far ashore into the barren plains.

The Red Ribbon Army's dragon radar was not nearly as precise as Ms Briefs. The Red Ribbon Army would have to spread out to search vast areas of land, while Kakarot and company would head right for it. It was highly likely they would find it before the Red Ribbon Army did, and once they had it, there was practically nothing these forces could do to seize them.

As the rain continued to pour down, and the wind droned on, and the lightning shattered the sky, Kami turned his thoughts to the group who he now relied on. Summoning his power, he brought peace to their minds and allowed them to sleep without a single dream. He also willed that the monkeys mother would in time recover fully, though it would bear a scar till the end of its days.

 _'The dragonball has shifted to a new location.'_ said Black over the radio. _'Coordinates, 2XU southeast.'_

Silver moved the marker on his map to the location in question, trying to contain his anger. 'X marks the spot.'

 _'You are to resume your search at first light tomorrow.'_

'Understood,' said Silver, before putting down the com. He turned off the lights and stared out the window at the cursed weather. 'With the river flooding like this, the dragonball could be very easily washed up on land. Looks like I'll have to widen the search in the morning.'

The sleep of Silver and his soldiers was restless, and plagued with nightmares.

* * *

The next morning the birds chirped once again as the clouds cleared away. Before the sun had fully risen, Silver had set his men to work overturning stones and digging through the dirt. They worked laboriously, but it seemed as if some force was conspiring against them. As Silver drove through the area, he looked around at his men working.

'Look alive men!' he called 'No cracks! No crevasses, no rocks unturned!'

The group set out from their cave, and said farewell to the monkeys. However Yamcha hesitated as he looked through his capsules.

'What is it?' asked Bulma 'Don't tell me we're out again.'

'No, its not that.' said Yamcha 'I just think we should use a plane instead. This terrain isn't exactly ideal for driving you know.'

He threw a capsule, and summoned a plane. They quickly got aboard it, and buckled their seat belts. 'I didn't know you could fly a plane.' said Blue Launch.

'Fly, yes.' said Bulma 'Land, no.'

'I told you, that was a mechanical malfunction!' snapped Yamcha, before taking off.

As they flew onwards under Kakarot's steady direction, he looked. 'Its not much farther now, my friends.' he said 'Soon we'll be able to find the dragonball.' He looked down out the window. 'From the looks of things we're not alone, however.'

'Those mean men must not have found it yet either.' reflected Blue Launch.

'They are way off.' said Yamcha.

'Alright!' said Puar 'We might be able to get it without a fight!'

* * *

Kami beheld that two Red Ribbon soldiers had been sent to search the place where he had hidden the dragonball. So it was that he confused their senses, causing them to overlook it, and inspired laziness in their hearts.

'Ow, my aching back.' said the one, who was human.

'I could really use a nap.' said the other, who was an coyote man as they lounged on a rock.

All of a sudden there was a sound of repeated gunfire, and they scrambled for cover as Colonel Silver appeared, pointing a gun at them both. He looked very angry, to say the least.

'Colonel, we were just uh…'

'Taking a break!' cried one.

'I have no patience for excuses!' snapped Silver 'Get back to work now!'

'Yes sir!' They said with a salute.

Colonel Silver drove away. Kami tried to inspire sloth once more in them, but their terror of their superiors was too great. Instead he was only able to convince them to complain, rather than put their full attention on the task at hand.

'Man, what does he think we are? Bloodhounds?' said one as he searched through a bush. 'That darn ball could be anywhere. This place is huge.'

'I hear ya,' said the other 'its crazy. And he'll kill us if we can't find the stupid thing!'

At that moment a plane landed a group of kids got out of it. They looked up in surprise, as a spiky haired child stepped forward, followed by a pretty blue haired girl, and a buxom blonde bombshell. Trailing behind them was a black haired teenager.

'Its around here somewhere,' said the boy.

'Hey kids,' said the coyote 'unless you want to end up six feet under, you'd better turn around and fly home.'

'Should we do something about these punks?' asked the blonde.

'Don't pay them any mind Launch,' said the boy 'just ignore them and perhaps they will go away.' Then he made his way over to a crevasse and began to look around. Eventually he drew out the dragonball. 'Hey, its the five star ball!'

The soldiers were astounded. 'Who are these kids?!' asked the coyote 'We've been looking all day! How did they find it so fast!'

'Pure luck, thats how they did it.' said the human, raising his gun. 'But I'd say we're the lucky ones now! Hey, why don't you hand that to me, boy?!'

'Why would I want to do that?' asked the boy.

'I don't need any sass!' snapped the human. 'Just do as I say, give me that ball right now! If you don't, bad things are gonna happen!'

The kids suddenly burst out laughing hysterically, laughing and laughing without a care in the world. The two soldiers could not help but feel they should have been taking this more seriously. 'We're serious!' said the human.

'We know,' said a blue haired girl. 'thats why we're laughing.' And then she punched him out with a right hook.

The coyote raised his gun, but before he could do anything the dark haired teenager was in front of him. He hadn't even seen him move?! His gun was slapped away, and a single fist was slammed into his solar plexis. The coyote fell unconscious, and landed with a crash.

The human dragged himself away, as the group got back in their jet and gunned the engines. As they fled the human rushed to the communicator and opened a channel to Colonel Silver. 'Sir, Colonel Silver sir… I… I think we have a problem here!'

'What is it?'

The soldier explained.

* * *

Silver heard the news, and knew he must act now, or fail his mission. He snatched up his trusty rocket launcher and rushed out of the capsule house. Quickly he scanned the skies, and sure enough there was a jet flying away over him. 'There! That must be it!'

Raising the rocket launcher, he locked on, and then fired. The missile surged through the air and caught the jet in the engine. There was an explosion, and then it careened down towards the ground. Five figures leaped out of the plane wearing parachutes.

One such figure fell towards Silver, and he moved to confront them.

She was a beautiful, blue haired teenager with good curves and a feathered haircut, which was now completely messed up. She wore a white shirt which had the capsule corporation logo on it, and she was wearing two arm bands.

'You blew up our plane you jerk!' she snapped in a very familiar tone. 'And you ruined my hair too!

'A capsule corp logo, and your voice.' said Silver 'You would be the enigmatic Bulma Briefs then. A spoiled child playing with matters far too big for her. Pity, it looks like you lost your ride. There won't be any getting away this time.'

'You know your going to be in a lot of trouble once Kakarot and Yamcha get here.' snapped Bulma. 'Why are you jerks after the dragonballs anyway?!'

'I'll ask the questions here.' said Silver 'Depending on your answers, I may let you live. Now tell me what do you want with the dragonball, and how did you manage to find so easily what my entire army could not?'

'Gee, why would a pure hearted young lady want to keep the dragonballs out of the hands of a bunch of psychos like you?' asked Bulma 'And as for how we found it, you do realize that its been like eight years since I sold the dragon radar. The stuff you have is way out of date.'

'As I suspected,' said Silver 'our radar is somewhat imprecise, you clearly have something more sophisticated. You may be of more use to the Red Ribbon Army alive than dead. Surrender.'

Bulma stuck out her tongue at him.

Silver smiled. 'Foolish,' and he threw off his trench coat to reveal muscles on top of muscles, and a cross shaped scar on his right bicep. The girl seemed on the verge of drooling at the sight.

'So do you work out or what?' she asked, voice mildly flirtatious.

Silver chuckled. 'You would be wise to be reasonable, little girl. I strongly suggest you surrender, because I'm not going to ask again. Provide me the location of your dragon radar, and offer your services to the Red Ribbon Army.'

Bulma took a stance, looking suddenly a little afraid. 'Listen, can we just wait for the others to get here, because they actually like fighting-'

Silver surged forward and unleashed a punch, which Bulma sidestepped, stepping back beneath and onslaught of punches. Bulma ducked and weaved, scarcely avoiding being hit by his strokes. Despite himself, Silver was impressed. She was doing far better than most.

Eventually he halted his attack, and she stepped back, keeping her feet. 'I see, you're no ordinary girl are you? I'll just have to keep my eye on you.' He resumed his stance. 'But I always get what I'm after.'

Bulma was shaking visibly, and gulped audibly. Then Silver surged forward and brought round a right hook. She caught it on her arm, but lost her balance and was sent falling into the dirt. Silver was on her, and she rolled away as one foot fell where she had been. Scrambling up, she ducked under a strike and then was caught in the gut.

Bulma keeled over, clutching herself as Silver loomed over her. 'Ready to give up, little girl?' He asked, cracking his knuckles.

'Bulma!' called a voice. 'Take off your weights!'

Silver stopped and looked up in surprise to see the spiky haired boy from before. Bulma rose up, getting some distance between them. Silver let her, she was beaten anyway. 'You again?' snapped Silver 'I'll deal with you in a minute.'

'You won't get the chance.' said the boy with a shrug.

At that moment Bulma had pulled off both of her arm bands, and was currently in the process of pulling off a vest beneath her capsule corp shirt. Throwing it down, the vest landed in the dirt with a crash. Silver stepped back as she was now standing in front of him, clad only in her bra and pants.

'You know, I'd completely forgotten about those things.' said Bulma, experimentally punching the air. 'I feel so light!'

Silver lost patience and rushed her. Unleashing a series of jabs, she ducked and weaved past all of them with ease. Her expression was shocked, as if aghast at her own speed. Then suddenly she caught Silver's hand, and dealt him a kick to the gut, which sent him stepping back a few paces.

'Your better than I expected, I'll give you.' grunted Silver 'Now I'll have to take this seriously.' He lunged repeatedly at her, and she was forced once more on the defensive, yielding ground. Then she caught one of his hands and brought him around to crash against the ground behind her.

Silver arose and met her in a flurry of punches, taking a number of hits in the process, and dealing none in return. Why couldn't he hit her! As the fight went on, Silver became angrier and angrier! This was a high schooler! At best she'd had a few weeks of karate training at a second rate dojo! She had no business being this good, weights or not!

They broke apart from each other, and Silver panted.

'So are you ready to give up yet?' asked Bulma 'Because I really don't like working up this kind of sweat, and we kind of need to get going.'

'Your not going anywhere!' snarled Silver 'Except to your grave!' Then he lunged in a series of attacks, going berserk on her. Finally he used a roundhouse kick, which she leaped over. Her eyes narrowed as she straightened her hair mid fall, and unleashed a roundhouse kick of her own.

Silver landed with a crash, and remembered no more.

* * *

Kami took some satisfaction from that. He had been taking steps to ensure Ms Briefs increased her power and skill at a greater rate than was entirely normal. After all she was putting herself at risk partially by his will, so he felt it only fair to give her a fighting chance.

* * *

Bulma blinked in surprise at the prone and defeated form of her opponent. The sound of clapping became audible, and she looked up to where the others were clapping. She rubbed the back of her head. 'Well I guess we won't be hearing from him again will we?'

'I'll be not.' said Yamcha, 'wait, uh… does anyone have any flying capsules? Our plane is kind of wrecked.'

There was silence.

'So Yamcha,' said Bulma slyly 'does this count as a mechanical failure too?'

'Hey we were shot out of the sky, thats not my fault!' snapped Yamcha 'Besides we need to find some means of transportation.'

'Would these help?' asked Kakarot, withdrawing the plane capsules from before and tossing them to Yamcha.

'These are… yeah!' said Yamcha 'These could fly us just about anywhere Kakarot, nice work buddy.'

'Don't call me that.' said Kakarot.

Bulma in the mean time was jumping up and down and stretching her long legs. 'Woohoo! I'm so glad to be out of those stupid weights!'

'Thats great,' said Kakarot 'now put them back on again.'

'What?' said Bulma 'But…'

'No buts, their supposed to make you stronger.' said Kakarot 'If you stop using them, you'll get weak again. Or are you saying your too much of a wimp to wear them?'

Bulma stuck her tongue out at him, but went and put the weights on anyway. It was with some regret that Kakarot watched her put all her clothes back on. It had been a nice view. In the mean time Yamcha hurled on of the capsules and in a poof of smoke a plane appeared. He walked forward and inspected it. 'Hang on guys, these things are too seaters. We're not going to be able to fit into it.'

'I got two of them.' said Kakarot 'And Puar can fit in no problem.'

'Yeah, I guess.' said Yamcha, throwing the other one. 'Whose flying who?'

'I'll fly Kakarot.' said Bulma 'Yamcha, you take Launch and Puar. You follow us, and we'll lead you towards the next dragonball.'

'Its some place far to the north of us.' said Kakarot.

'Sounds good to me.' said Yamcha.

* * *

Within the Red Ribbon HQ, a soldier rushed up to General Red. 'Commander, there is something very strange happening on the dragon radar!' he cried. 'The one Silver's been searching for! Unless I'm mistaken its headed right for General White's position.'

'Contact Colonel Silver!' snapped Red.

It took far longer than anyone would have liked for Silver to pick up. He was breathing heavy, and his voice was pained. _'Colonel Silver here…'_

'Silver,' said Black 'how did the ball get away from you? Were you attacked?' No one heard Silver's response save Black. 'How many of them were there? Who is responsible for this?' His eyes went wide with shock. 'What do you mean Bulma Briefs?!' He set down the com and explained the situation.

Later within his office, Black approached General Red.

'What do you think Capsule Corps involvement in this is, sir?' asked Black.

'I don't know,' said Red 'but if she was able to beat Silver, we'll have to be on our guard.'

'She's just a teenaged girl,' said Black 'she can't possibly be any trouble for an entire army of men.' He paused thoughtfully. 'Even so, her technological abilities might be of great use to us.'

'You'd better be right.' said Red with a growl. 'Get in touch with General White at once. Tell him to capture Briefs, and bring me the ball.'

'Of course sir.' said Black.

'And another thing,' said Red.

'Sir?'

'Bring me that weakling Colonel Silver!'

His pet snarled hungrily.

* * *

The five friends piled into the two jets, and together flew off, directed by Kakarot. As they flew over the wastes, Kakarot looked down below. 'The Red Ribbon Army is still searching. Their commanders probably don't even realize we've gotten the dragonball yet.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, 'well it isn't exactly a perfect radar they have.'

'Speaking of which,' said Kakarot as the world zoomed by. 'I've been meaning to ask, Bulma. What is gods name were you thinking?!'

'Ah, right,' she said 'the whole sold the red ribbon army a dragon radar thing.'

'Yes, that thing,' said Kakarot 'and Emperor Pilaf too.'

'Look kid, I'll level with you.' said Bulma 'Back when I was eight years old, I heard the story of the dragonballs from my grandpa and decided to try and find them. I made the radar, but it turned out to be way too large to take with me, and my dad wouldn't let me go anyway. So I lost interest for a bit, until a couple years later when my dad cut me off from my allowance for skipping school. I needed money and quick, so I put my dragon radar on the market.

Some guy named Black snapped it up. He must have been working for the Red Ribbon Army. I got a lot of spending money, the Red Ribbon Army got their dragon radar, and my dad grounded me for a week.'

'Alright,' said Kakarot 'so what about Pilaf?'

'Uh…' she paused 'well I started working on improving the precision of the original device a couple years ago. I ended up making it super good, but I still couldn't take it with me and I didn't have a wish. So after I got bored, I sold it to a women named Mai. Dark haired lady, I didn't recognize her at first, but I think she was one of the people working for Pilaf.

Anyway, then I came up with the idea for wishing for the perfect boyfriend. So I set about working to make the dragon radar small enough so that it could fit into the palm of your hand. Didn't quite get that small, but the result was the device you are holding now.'

There was silence.

'Anything else you want to tell me?' asked Kakarot.

'Nope.' she said.

'Are you sure?' asked Kakarot sarcastically. 'Maybe there is some kind of evil demon lord you've sold the prototype for this device to, that you haven't told us about either. I ask so we won't get blind sided like this again in the future.'

'Shut up.'

They flew onwards through the landscapes for much of the rest of the day, until the beginnings of darkness could be seen in the sky. Snow began to fill the air, and appear in on the crests of mountains. Before long the whole of the landscape around them was covered in the stuff. Bulma shuddered. 'Its getting chilly, I'd better turn the heat on.'

'Heat?' asked Kakarot.

'Oh, um… technology which keeps us warm while we're inside the plane.' said Bulma, putting on a heavy coat and hat for good measure. 'You know its a good thing you have me flying you, kid. If it were a robotic assistant, they wouldn't be programmed to turn it on. You'd freeze, or more likely its joints would freeze up and you'd crash.' She paused as it grew very dark. 'Hang on, its not night yet. Why is there… a… shadow…'

They looked up and saw Pilaf's death fortress looming far over them. Bulma shook visibly as multiple gun ports opened beneath them. Yamcha's craft behind them took evasive action as the weapons trailed on them.

'How did they find us?!' cried Bulma.

'They probably used their DRAGON RADAR!' snapped Kakarot.

Then countless exploding rounds were fired at them. Bulma dodged and weaved as the shots crossed beneath them. Suddenly there was a sound of shredding as several rounds tore through her jet, and she spun out of control. 'Kakarot, hit your ejector seat, quickly!' she cried as she reached down.

'My what?!' he cried.

'To your left!' she pulled a lever, and she was thrown out of the jet in a seat.

Kakarot was blasted with freezing temperatures, and only had time enough to reach for the lever. His hand never found it, before he crashed and was thrown from the windows to land and remembered no more.

* * *

Pilaf leaned back in his command chair in satisfaction. 'You know, I really, really, love having a flying death fortress. Shu, is my hot cocoa ready?'

'Of course sire.' said Shu coming back from the kitchen.

'Sir,' said Mai 'shouldn't we go after the dragonball.'

'No need for that, Mai.' said Pilaf 'We'll shoot down the other plane then come back for it. They aren't going anywhere after a crash like that. I don't want anyone taking us by surprise again.'

'Still, what if someone gets there first.' said Mai.

'Hmm,' said Pilaf 'alright we'll send our new minions to collect the dragonball. See to it personally Mai, there will be no one to stop us this time.'

* * *

Within occupied territory of the Red Ribbon Army, two soldiers looked up to see smoke rising. 'Hey did you hear that?'

'Yeah,' said a humanoid fox. 'sounded like something crashed. Lets go check it out.'

* * *

Within the wreckage of the crash site, Kakarot lay senseless upon the ground, slowly freezing in the snows. His eyes were vacant, and he had a death grip on the bag carrying the dragonballs.

A being, clad in a blue trench coat crunched its way through the snows and stood before Kakarot, looking down on them. After a moment they took hold of his feet, and began to drag him away.

Within the towering form of Muscle Tower General White received the report. He was a large man, with white hair and long sideburns. He wore a yellow sweater, and a red scarf around his neck.

'What? There is a plane down?' he asked 'Its got to be the missing jet that headquarters radioed about. Do you have a visual?'

'Yes sir, its definitely one of ours. Its in front of me, in pieces.'

'According to the report those planes were stolen during the Ox King attack, by a boy who killed three soldiers.' mused White. 'And he's likely in the company of Bulma Briefs.'

'There is no sign of him here sir, just wreckage. Wait, there is a trail. It looks like someone dragged someone or something away from the wreckage'

'Follow the trail!' said White 'It may lead us to one of the dragonballs!'

'Yes sir, over and out.'

White looked out the window at the snowscape stretching into the distance. 'Whoever these kids are, their in for a big surprise.'

* * *

Later, Silver had finished his debriefing, held at gunpoint by two men in suits. He was stoic faced, concealing his inner panic.

'Thats no excuse Silver!' said Red.

'Please Commander,' said Silver 'give me one more chance. I'll find her.'

'This army isn't in the habit of giving second chances, let alone third ones!' snapped Red. 'You know that!' The guns were pressed to either side of him.

'But sir, you don't understand, they were exceptionally skilled. They must have been trained!'

'You truly are a disgrace.' said Red 'Take him out of my sight!'

The soldiers moved in. 'Don't touch me!' snapped Silver, and they recoiled. For a moment Silver just stood there, looking at the man before him. After a moment he turned and walked out of the door.

The men with guns followed after him.

General Red waited for the gunshot, shaking with wrath. It never came, however.

The men found Silver waiting for them on the other end of the door. He knocked one out with a vicious right hook, disarmed the other and slammed his head against the floor with silent precision. Rising up, Silver picked up a gun and moved away.

He'd get out of the HQ, that should be simple enough. Once he'd done that, he'd lie low for awhile and then-

Dr Gero appeared before him. He wasn't sure exactly when the old man had appeared before him, however he stood in his way. Silver raised a gun. 'Step aside, old man.'

'There is no need for that.' said Gero 'I'm here to make you an offer, Silver.'

'I don't have time for this!' snapped Silver 'Now stand aside or die!'

'Very well,' said Gero, stepping aside. 'accept your defeat. Do as you like.'

The words held Silver in place for a moment, and in that moment more guards appeared with guns. Silver turned round, but Gero stepped before them. 'I'd advise you gentlemen to put your weapons away. Silver and I have business to discuss.'

'Dr Gero,' said the lead soldier. 'we've been ordered to execute Silver by General Red.'

'Well I'm afraid those orders will simply have to change.' said Dr Gero 'I require Silver's cooperation in a matter of top importance.'

'…What do you expect us to tell General Red?' asked the soldier. 'He… he won't be pleased.'

'Simply tell him that Gero has need of his mark.' said Gero 'That should be enough.'

And against all odds and rational reasoning, the soldiers saluted and moved away. After a moment Gero turned to Silver. 'Shall we?'

Silver remained silent for a moment, then spoke. 'Alright, lead on Doctor.'

Silver had no idea what was going on, but he had the distinct impression that Dr Gero was the most dangerous man in the Red Ribbon Army.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

The plot thickens. The decision to have Bulma defeat Silver was made after long through. My original plan was for Yamcha to fight and defeat him, since I'm of the opinion that Yamcha would have beaten Silver with moderate difficulty, and without having to use the Wolf Fang Fist. However that went out the window, since I made Yamcha encounter Tien, and become far stronger as a result. Then I figured I'd give Launch the win, since she didn't get as many matches in the tournament as the others. However then the whole thing with training Bulma happened, and I realized I might actually have a fighter who could stand a chance against Silver without being overpowered.

Curb stomp battles aren't any fun, and so Bulma VS Silver happened. I still feel kind of bad about it, of course, since this means Bulma has been beaten by a person who has only had a few weeks training. However I mean to make it up to him later.

Now here is how I justify Bulma's explosive power growth. First of all, she was in pretty good shape to begin with, so she has a good starting position. And secondly, because she has a higher goal than Silver. Think about it, when Goku trained at Kami's lookout, he ended up becoming about equal to Piccolo Jr, maybe a little stronger. When Yamcha trained at Kami's lookout, he became stronger than Raditz, despite being arguably weaker than Goku was when he started.

Why is this?

Because Yamcha had a goal to be strong enough to surpass the Saiyans. He didn't succeed, but he increased his power by roughly seven times its number. Its the same with Silver and Bulma. Silver is used to already being the best, and his training seems more a way to remind himself of his own perfection than a true attempt to improve. Bulma meanwhile is training to be able to hold her own in the company of World Martial Arts tournament finalists. Plus she's a genius, and Kami was helping her along. Even so Silver would have beaten her had she not been wearing weighted training clothes.

This still doesn't make me entirely comfortable with the way the fight ended. Yet its still less absurd than the likes of Goten or Trunks, or even Gohan in their early power increases. So I'm going to just run with it.

Now as for Kami's interference in affairs, Kami is a great character. I really really like him, and so I decided to expand his role in affairs. In fact I may go back into previous chapters and mention him being behind events. I just find it an odd coincidence that events constantly conspired to see to it that the Red Ribbon Army never got the dragonballs. The elements themselves went out of their way to make sure the right protector was always there at the right time.

So yeah, Kami is working against the Red Ribbon Army.


	34. Devils and Angels

**Chapter Thirty Four: Cold Reception**

Silver was led into a wing of the Red Ribbon Army HQ he had not even been aware had existed. It was out of the way, and led through several obscure doors. As Gero led him on, he said nothing, his arms clasped behind his back. 'They designed this wing of the HQ specifically on my orders, for our operations.' he explained.

'Whose we?' asked Silver.

'You'll see soon enough.' said Gero.

Silver came to a door, and raised one hand to open it. However Gero set his hand on his. 'No, not that door, this one,' he then turned to a different door and knocked.

'Yes, come in.' said a friendly voice.

The door was opened to reveal a pleasant living room like area, with an attached kitchen. There was an open balcony, looking out over a scenic garden, while in one corner of the room was an empty bird cage. In the center were a number of coaches, and in one of those coaches a giant of a man was sitting. He had a red mohawk, and was scratching the ears of a dog. On the table before him was a tray with a kettle, and tea cups. Three exactly, to be precise.

'Ah, Father,' said the man, standing up and looking pleased. 'you got there in time, excellent, just excellent.'

'Who are you?' asked Silver, eyes narrowed.

'Who decides what rank each color will be assigned?' asked the man as he approached. 'Who determines that both White and Red should share a rank, though Red is the commander? Who engineers the robots, and weaponry, which all you men of martial prowess take so completely for granted?'

'Dr Gero.' said Silver.

'Ah,' said the man as he neared, and he motioned to Gero. 'I'm on his staff. We're both scientists, with different specialties. And my name, is Barracks. Come in, sit, the teas getting cold.'

As he sat down across from him, Silver reflected that the man before him didn't look like a scientist. His build was huge, and he looked like he could crush rock with his fingers. Even so, he moved with a certain grace as he offered Silver a cup, which he took.

'Its earl gray,' said the man 'it helps me sleep.'

'I'm sure it does,' said Silver 'but that doesn't tell me why you brought me here?'

'I want to make you an offer.' explained Barracks 'Its dangerous, very dangerous in fact, but if it works it may make you among the strongest men alive, and potentially very rich and powerful to boot.'

'I'm not afraid of danger.' said Silver.

'Ah, but its not the sort of danger you are used to.' said Barracks 'You aren't afraid to get your hands dirty. You stay cool under fire, you fight well. But the sort of danger I have comes from experimentation.'

'You want me to become a lab rat?' said Silver. 'What if I refuse?'

'Then you can walk out that door, and never have to worry about being killed by the Red Ribbon Army again.' said Barracks 'But before you do, you may want to hear me out.'

'…I'm listening.' said Silver.

'Tell me,' said Barracks 'did you watch the World Martial Arts Tournament this year?'

'Can't say that I did.' admitted Silver.

'If you had, you would have known that the people you fought were, with two exceptions, finalists in the World Martial Arts Tournament.' said Gero 'You are in peak physical condition, but these people have somehow managed to exceed that peak.' He fished a number of pictures out of his breast pocket and set them down.

Silver looked at them. He recognized each of them. 'Yamcha… I defeated him quite easily some time ago. He was a decent martial artist, but nothing superhuman.'

'He was wearing weighted training gear. Seventy five kilos, to be exact.' said Barracks 'I observed events surrounding the tournament quite closely by my own means, and I saw that they all purchased them. He was probably still getting used to it.'

'Seventy five kilos?' asked Silver 'Thats impossible, no one could fight in that kind of outfit.' He sipped his tea to settle his nerves. It was good tea.

'Didn't your report indicate that Bulma Briefs also wore such clothes?' asked Barracks. 'I believe it was twenty five kilos for her.'

'…If this is true,' said Silver 'then how is it that these people have attained this kind of power.'

'Launch and Kakarot were both students of Master Roshi.' said Barracks 'That man has a reputation for churning out superhuman individuals.'

'So you intend to replicate Master Roshi's training methods?' asked Silver. 'Is that it?'

'Don't be foolish,' said Gero 'Roshi tasks his students to menial labor while wearing extreme weights for a period of months. There is nothing secret about it. The problem is that such methods cannot be replicated reliably. Most men who attempt such tasks would give up, or simply collapse from exhaustion. It may create a few elites, but it will not make an army.'

'And in any case,' continued Barracks 'it takes too long. The situation with this gang of teenagers is an immediate problem. We can't wait eight months while you and the others deliver milk and do construction.'

'Then what are you asking of me?!' snapped Silver 'Get to the point.'

'Roshi's methods are a brute force means of forcing men to, and past, their physical limitations.' explained Barracks 'However I believe we can do by technology in minutes, what takes Roshi months.' He drew from his pocket a photograph and passed it to Silver. 'In fact, I already have.'

The photo showed an incredibly frail young man, with blonde hair, skinny arms, pathetically short. He was strapped into a machine, as scientists injected him with something. 'Who is this?' asked Silver.

'That is General Blue.' said Barracks 'He was my first subject.'

Silver stared, and set the picture, and his tea down. 'There must be some mistake, I sparred with General Blue once, he-'

'Knocked you out with one punch.' finished Barracks 'I'm aware. And Blue has only gotten stronger since then. In fact, I believe, that he is more than a match for any one of those teenagers.'

'Then why do you need me?' asked Silver 'Why not just send Blue after them?'

'Because there are four of them.' said Gero 'They let Bulma fight you, because they knew that any one of them could effortlessly crush you with ease. Give them a worthy opponent, capable of defeating them, and they would likely not be so sporting.'

'Moreover,' said Barracks 'I want to continue my work. Blue got the treatment when I had only just developed it. I believe that if used on someone in peak physical condition, I could create a warrior far more powerful than him.'

'And this warrior is me.' surmised Silver. 'Whats the catch?'

Barracks smiled. 'There is of course, the possibility that you will die from the strain of the procedure, Blue nearly died himself. Yet even if you survive, you will not be unchanged.'

'What do you mean?' asked Silver.

'How do I put this?' asked Barracks 'The treatment amplifies everything about a person. Blue had a very mild psychic ability before he was used, and now he has abilities which are very strong indeed both physically and mentally. However it also exaggerates personality traits of a person.'

'Just how exaggerated are we talking?' asked Silver with narrowed eyes.

'Erm… when Blue got the treatment he was mildly effeminate.' said Barracks.

'…I don't think I'm interested.'

'It won't change you in that way!' said Barracks quickly. 'Its just that it sort of brings your personality out to the forefront. A pacifist would not become a bloodthirsty warmonger, they would merely be even more unwilling to hurt another living creature.

Also, I'm hoping to tone down the personality exaggeration. It was an unforeseen consequence, and if I'm ever going to create an army it will have to go.'

'Alright, fine,' said Silver 'I'll do it. Now when do we start.'

'In a few days, at least,' said Barracks 'we'll need to use various drugs on you ahead of time to prepare your body for it. Even after that there are other aspects to the procedure we'll have to work out. For now, I suggest you use the down time that you'll have to train yourself as hard as possible. Anything you have now will be multiplied.'

'Fine then,' said Silver 'I was probably going to do that anyway.' He finished his cup, downing the whole thing. 'You know, this is really good tea.'

'I'm aware.' said Barracks.

* * *

A cold wind blew past Muscle Tower. It was a gigantic red brick structure with blue windows, far wider at the base than at the top. Multiple gun ports started out from every direction, facing for any sign of opponents. Men clad in blue uniforms, with black face masks patrolled back and forth around the surroundings, looking for any sign of intruders. At the top of the imposing fortress was a satelite dish which scanned for frequencies 24/7.

Far away from that grim scene, however, a long red haired girl, clad in a blue trenchcoat with a tall blue cap dragged Kakarot through the snows, leaving behind her a trail of snow. Her eyes were brown, and narrowed in determination. She could not have known that she was being tracked by soldiers of the Red Ribbon Army.

However Kami summoned up a great snow storm and sent it past her, slowing the progress of their lumbering machines. At the same time, by his will, he warmed her enough to survive and gave her strength to continue marching in the bitter winds. Her red haired flowed around her, causing her to groan in pain. For a moment Kami was afraid she would leave Kakarot behind to save herself, and he reflected that in such dire circumstances she could not be blamed. For a time she considered it.

Yet she pressed on. Under tree and over hill, the snows covering their tracks.

Kami turned his attention to White.

'Report sergeant, any sign of Briefs?!' snapped White.

'Not yet, sir.' replied the soldier as he looked out of the top of the tank. 'Its kind of hard to see on account of all the snow.'

'Its a blizzard you idiot, of course its hard to see! Which means that kid couldn't have gotten far!' Feeling spiteful, Kami dropped the lid of the tank on the soldiers head. These were extremely bad people after all. 'Now move your tank and find him!'

'Y-yes sir!' said the soldier 'We're moving out! Look sharp and follow my lead!'

As the soldiers spread out, seeking their quarry. Kami then turned his attention to other matters, more specifically the Flying Death Fortress. It had been Kami's suggestion that Pilaf turn his attention to the other jet, just as it had been his suggestion that he slow his pursuit, and wait for word from Mai.

Mai and the soldiers they had recruited from the Red Ribbon Army were making their way slowly after the red haired girl, Suno. However they were slowed by the storm, and Kami set his will against them, even as he set his will behind Suno's steps. They were soon outpaced.

Kami felt very pleased with himself. It had been his idea to direct Suno that far afield in the first place, and his influence which had led Pilaf to attack them there. Suno would direct his agents towards Muscle Tower, and through them this area would be liberated from the Red Ribbon Army, and another dragonball secured. Assuming everything went as planned, of course.

'Mr Popo,' said Kami, turning his attention to the lookout. 'I cannot help but shake the feeling I'm forgetting something. Do you have any ideas as to what it might be?'

Mr Popo looked up from his gardens, and then he answered.

Bulma Briefs clutched herself, shuddering in the middle of a snowdrift, while hiding behind a tree from a tank that was rolling by her position.

'Here I am, in the middle of a frozen wasteland!' roared Bulma in her mind. 'Playing hide and seek, with the Red Ribbon Army! Thanks for nothing god!'

Ah, right, Bulma Briefs had been the pilot and had ejected. Awkward. Kami arranged for a freak lightning bolt to set fire to a tree, allowing her to warm herself, while mentally directing Yamcha to land his plane nearby, and head towards the lights. At the same time he used what influence he had over the Red Ribbon Army to move their search elsewhere.

It wasn't easy. As a rule of thumb, the more good was in a persons heart, the more influence Kami had over it. Conversely, the more they were possessed by wickedness the more influence he had over it. Fortunately he was unable to enforce his will on this world anymore, and hadn't been able to for centuries. Consequently the forces of evil on earth were without true direction, beyond what they could manifest themselves.

Speaking of evil without direction Kami turned his attention back to Kakarot.

Suno was knocking at the door to her home with one mittened hand. 'Mother, mother! Come quick!'

The door opened and a women with brown hair looked out at her. Kami sensed her relief, and felt some guilt at having brought her daughter into such danger. 'Suno, what are you doing out in weather like this?' asked Suno's Mother, whose name was Miranda. 'You'll catch your death of cold!'

'I found something, mother.' said Suno, motioning to Kakarot, whose face was now covered in snow.

'Oh my…' said Miranda.

'Its a boy, he fell from a plane.' continued Suno.

'Thats a matter for the authorities dear.' said Miranda.

'But I think he's still alive.'

'Huh?!' cried Miranda, suddenly fearful.

The boy was brought inside quickly, and warmed by the fire with a blanket over him. Satisfied that things were progressing as planned, Kami then turned his attention to General White.

The General was sitting with his legs on a table, uncorking a bottle as he did so. He drank deeply of the whisky, then put it away. Leaning back, he questioned the universe: 'How can a group of teenagers evade an entire army? Maybe I should fire my soldiers and hire him instead.'

That was a terrible plan. The only reason Kakarot had been held in check this far was because of the friendships he had created. If his heart were ever sufficiently darkened enough to join the Red Ribbon Army at the expense of those friendships, then he would assuredly either go about trying to complete his mission, or rise to the ranks, killing most of his superiors in the process to become the supreme overlord of the Army.

Not that General White knew any of this. He laughed to himself. 'Crafty little bug, I'm going to enjoy squishing him.'

Kami returned to Kakarot, and found him sleeping in a rocking chair by a roaring fire. A yellow blanket was draped around him, and Suno was watching him sleep. 'He looks so peaceful sleeping there.' she said 'Can we keep him?'

'He's not a pet, Suno.' said Miranda.

'He's better, he's a boy.' said Suno 'Now I'll have something to play with.' At that moment Kakarot groaned in his sleep, moving. Suno gasped. 'I think he's waking up!'

'What?' said her Mother.

Kakarot opened his eyes blearily, groaning as he did so. He looked up to see the smiling faces of Suno and Miranda, who came by with a cup of hot cocoa.

'Who are you?' he asked 'Are we enemies?'

'I'm Suno.' Suno said.

'I'm cold.' replied Kakarot.

'Yeah, you were frozen.' said Suno, as her mother came forward with the hot cocoa.

'Here drink this, you'll feel better.' said Miranda, offering him the tray. Kakarot took it reluctantly, wondering if it was poisoned, before sipping from it. He choked, and nearly spat it out. 'Silly, you need to blow on it first.'

Suno laughed as Kakarot blew on it.

'You know you gave us quite a scare.' said Miranda 'If you'd been out there any longer we probably wouldn't have been able to thaw you out.' As she spoke, her daughter gazed at Kakarot in adoration, as though he were a pet.

'How did I get here anyway?' asked Kakarot. 'I can't remember a thing.'

'I found you in the woods, silly.' said Suno.

'…My thanks to you then.' said Kakarot, before sipping the hot cocoa.

'Oh no problem,' said Suno 'I was coming home anyway. Yep, you'd probably be dead right now if it weren't for me, stuck out their frozen stiff. So tell us about yourself, do you have a name to go with that handsome haircut?'

He sipped his hot cocoa. 'My name is Kakarot. I came here to destroy the Red Ribbon Army and take their stuff.'

'Destroy the Red Ribbon Army?' asked Suno, shocked. 'But your not even my age.'

'Actually I've seen what passes for an elite among them.' said Kakarot 'So I'm pretty sure I could kill them all no problem. They wilt when faced with a true warrior. I just hope my friends are alright. Hey, did you see anyone in the crash site?'

'Um, nope.' said Suno 'Just you.'

'Wonderful,' said Kakarot 'well I'll have to meet up with them before I do anything else then.'

Kami turned his attention elsewhere. He gazed through the eyes of a rabbit to see a Red Ribbon Army armored car driving across the snows. Right towards a cliff face, though they had yet to realize it. Valuing all life, Kami made the leader aware of his impending doom. 'Stop!' he cried to the driver. 'Stop!'

The vehicle's treads ceased, but it continued to slide on the ice towards certain doom. The men aboard the vehicle were panicking, they did not want to die. Yet still they slid on. Feeling pity for them, Kami pushed against the vehicle so that it slowed to a halt just in time. Rocks fell down into the abyss below, visible from where they stood. They knew just how close they had come to death, and Kami put into their minds thoughts about where they would go when they died.

The spotter breathed in relief. 'Soldier look in the back. See if there's an extra pair of shorts.'

'Yes sir.' said the other.

The spotter raised his communicator. 'Coordinate X1 appears to be a dead end. Repeat, X1 is a dead end. We're turning east to coordinate X2. Copy?'

'Turning east to coordinate X2.' affirmed the pilot.

Kami tried to keep them from seeing it, but even he had his limitations and the spotted saw it. 'Wait!' the soldier snapped 'Cancel that order!' He then looked through his binoculars to Suno's village, and an evil smirk played upon his lips.

* * *

 _He_ had been trapped for countless years, yet _he_ was not powerless. _He_ could still sense what his counterpart sensed, corrupt what he touched. He had been sewing seeds within the minds of many for some time now, and these in particular were easy to manipulate. Two soldiers, with no one to stop them, tired and cold, walking through a village while looking for a lone boy. They were confident. They were powerful, in their own minds at least. They had no fear of retribution.

It was a simple matter to overturn Kami's good intentions, and convince them to machine gun the first house they went into. To his disappointment, Kami convinced them not to kill the old man and women who cowered as their home was destroyed by the sound of gunfire. Glasses shattered, doors were shot full of holes, the bed was torn up. It was all Kami could do to keep the old man and women from having a heart attack!

They hadn't even asked any questions, and already the house was a smoking ruin, riddled with ammo casings. The sensation of these mens sin was addicting, a small pleasure to distract him from his imprisonment.

'He's not here.' realized the soldier.

Kami tried to inspire guilt, but with the mens help _he_ turned it around into spite and contempt. At his urging, the wolf made his way over to the old man and women, and pointed a gun at their heads. 'What big eyes you have.'

'Please, don't hurt us…' said the women.

 _'Pull the trigger,' he_ said in the soldiers mind. _'do it. Riddle these old codgers full of holes. No one will care. You can say they were harboring fugitives.'_

 _'Let them be,'_ stated Kami _'you have already more than made your message clear. You need not inflict any more harm on them.'_

 _'DO IT!' he_ roared.

In the end the fools didn't have the guts to murder a defenseless old couple for the thrill of it. Their hands fell short of pulling the trigger. They were more posing bullies than true monsters, and he felt a surge of contempt for them.

'Listen,' said the wolf 'if you happen to see a gaggle of teenagers around here you be sure to let us know.

'There are other houses in this cesspool to search.' snapped the human. 'Lets go!'

 _He_ made a mental note to make sure these fools came to a bad end. And he knew just the way. Mentally he directed them to the proper house, before Kami could change to other matters.

* * *

Kami realized that he was at work. He could not sense _him_ , but he knew that he could affect anything Kami effected, when he was awake. No doubt that was the reason behind the soldiers sudden bout of viciousness. Their hearts were now almost completely closed to Kami, walled up by pride and wrath. He considered ceasing his observations, however if _he_ had already set the seeds of evil in Kakarot's heart, Kami's presence might be needed.

Yamcha, Bulma and the others were following in Kakarot's footsteps. Kami quickly instructed Bulma to try and help the old man and women as best she could. Then he moved his attention to Kakarot, hoping he was not making a serious mistake by doing so.

* * *

Now _he_ observed Kakarot speaking with that insufferable child Suno, and her mother. Their existence he tolerated for the greater evil. Had Kakarot frozen to death in the snows, _his_ plans for him would have been foiled as well as Kami's.

'So the Red Ribbon Army must be after the dragonball in this location as well.' reflected Kakarot 'I wonder why they want them.'

'I don't know,' said Suno, slightly distrustful. 'maybe for the same reason you do.'

Kakarot laughed. 'Given that I'm trying to keep them out of their hands, I highly doubt that.' He paused 'Tell me, would you like to see a dragonball?'

He grabbed his bag, and opened it, drawing out the five star ball. 'This is a dragonball.'

'Thats a…' Suno began.

"Dragonball..,' finished the Mother.

The childlike innocence of the scene made _him_ sick. Kakarot was at his best when being utterly vicious, without regard for others wellbeing or life. The boy had the potential to do so much harm, inflict so much suffering. And yet he was being held back from this by those he called friends.

 _He_ regarded Kakarot as a work in progress.

'Wow,' said Suno as she moved forward. 'its beautiful.'

'Its part of a set of seven,' said Kakarot 'the one who gathers these together will have the keys to wish for anything they want.' He amplified an old resentment. 'Except when they don't because of pointless technicalities.'

'What?' said Suno.

'Long story, I'll tell you later.' said Kakarot. 'See, once you have them all you can call out to Shenron, and he appears. I've only seen it once, as soon as the dragonballs were together the sky was covered by stormclouds and the ball started to glow and make this weird noise. Then they shot out this huge bright light into the sky. It was brighter than the sun. It started to move about as quick as lightning, and then it turned into the shape of a dragon! It was absolutely gigantic! Larger than this whole village!'

 _He_ didn't care about any of this! Why was Kakarot wasting time lecturing these peons on the details of something they would never see anyway! Even now he could feel Kami smugly appreciating as Kakarot's inner child told a story.

'So what did you wish for?' asked Suno.

'Eternal youth, for me and my friends,' said Kakarot 'though I'm not sure if it applies to friends I make now, or just to those friends I had when I made the wish. I think I'd better figure that out when I next get these things together. Maybe talk to that Kami person again.'

'You've talked to god?' said Suno eagerly. 'Was he a force larger than the universe yet more personal than the friendliest person in the world? A talking Lion who radiates power?! A man in a white robe who was crucified and died for all our sins?!'

'Eh, more like a mid level obstructive bureaucrat.' replied Kakarot.

Suno looked very disappointed.

Okay, _he_ took it back, this was actually kind of amusing. Then he realized that Kami was amused as well, and the humor turned to fury. Humility and laughter were terrible things when no one was suffering.

'So you have eternal youth?' asked Suno 'That sounds really cool!'

'Well it wasn't my first choice of wish, but it worked.' admitted Kakarot.

'So what was your first wish?'

'To bring my grandfather, erm, Master, back to life.'

Grandfather. That term had been sneaking its way into Kakarot's vocabulary, a sign of the good that was growing within him. _He_ hated it.

'Well that sounds like a very nice wish.' said Suno's Mother.

'Yeah, we considered world domination but decided it would be too much work.'

'Oh wow!' said Suno.

'Thats it,' said Suno's mother 'that must be the reason the Red Ribbon Army is trying to find all of the dragonballs. These are the kind of men who would want to take over the world.'

'Well they are digging in the right place.' said Kakarot 'There is another dragonball around here.'

'I know,' said Suno 'my father and the others are helping them search for it.'

'So… he's a collaborator then.' surmised Kakarot.

Suno shook her head. 'The Red Ribbon Army didn't have enough men around, so they forced the men of the village to help them.'

'If there aren't that many, why not just kill the Red Ribbon Army and take the dragonball for yourself?' asked Kakarot.

'Because their too strong!' cried Suno 'And they've got weapons!'

'Whats more they have kidnapped our village chief.' said Suno's Mother. 'And their holding him hostage in their tower.'

'And if we don't do what they say, their gonna hurt him.' said Suno.

'Are they?' asked Kakarot, no more impressed with this reasoning than _he_ was.

'Maybe we should just give them what their after.' reflected Suno's mother. 'so they will leave our village in peace.'

'Yes!' cried Suno 'Maybe if you give them the dragonball you have the army will go away and leave us alone! You have eternal youth, so you could just gather them later.'

Ah, appeasement, that wonderful little thing which helped so many evildoers prosper and set an example for future generations. _He_ had already influenced General White, when Kami was trying to stir up feelings of sympathy and good within him. _He_ was looking forward to the day when the Red Ribbon Army got its hand on the dragonball in this region. He could only hope he could somehow manage to do that, while keeping Kakarot alive. It would be the best of both worlds.

'Have you heard nothing I've just said?' asked Kakarot 'I'm literally going to kill all the Red Ribbon Army soldiers in like, a week tops. Just consider it repayment for saving my life. And one day I'll come back and make you part of my harem.'

'What are you crazy?' cried Suno 'They have big tanks and guns! And your just a little boy and… uh… whats a harem?'

Her innocence was sickening. Fortunately at that moment there was a sound of snow tires, as a car came to a halt outside the house. Suno and her Mother looked up in shock and fear, as a chill wind wailed through the night. The sound of boots crunching through the snow became audible. Someone was coming toward the door.

Here came their grim end. _He_ waited in anticipation.

'What was that noise?' asked Suno.

'It… it might be the…' terror was in her Mothers tone. Then she kneeled by Kakarot. 'Quick, you had better hide somewhere.'

 _He_ filled the soldiers hearts with bloodlust, convincing them to kill everyone in the house. When they resisted, he convinced them to kill everyone in the house if they were harboring fugitives. After all, traitors deserved death.

'That won't be necessary.' said Kakarot.

Then the door was kicked open by the soldiers, and both of them marched in. 'Knock knock!'

Suno ran into her mothers arms and cowered as they moved forward. Kakarot stood in plain view, looking at them without a hint of being impressed. 'I'm looking for a boy,' snapped the soldier 'and from the looks of things you are sheltering him.' He raised his rifle. 'Any last words before we blow your brains out?'

'Please sir!' cried Suno's Mother 'We found him unconscious and injured, we didn't know anything about him-'

'Quiet!' snapped the soldier.

Then Kakarot stood between them. 'So your capable of bullying innocent villagers, bravo,' noted Kakarot 'I hope you aren't too proud of yourself.'

 _'Yes, yes, get the trash talking out of the way and kill them!'_

'Considering your position you should be begging for mercy.' said the soldier 'Tell us where the rest of your friends are, or die right here.'

 _'Kill them.'_

'Cute,' said Kakarot 'I think this is the part where I pretend as though you people are a credible threat, and get all intense and self rightous. Truth be told, I'm not really feeling up to it. The white stuff out there came far closer to ending me than you ever will.'

'Its called snow.' said Suno in a small voice.

'I know, I'm being condescending to these morons.' Kakarot lied.

'Shut up!' roared the soldiers before opening fire.

Kakarot's hands moved in a blur as the sound of gunfire echoed throughout the house. Bullet cartridges hit the floor in droves, as the rattling continued. Then it stopped, and was replaced by the clicking of two guns. The soldiers stared in horror as Kakarot's motions ceased, and he opened his hands to let numerous crushed bullets land on the floor. Not one had strayed beyond his grasp. Two, however, remained in Kakarot's hands, held between his thumbs and forefingers.

 _He_ was enjoying this. Their helplessness, the soldiers sudden fear of what would happen to them after they died. And die they would. And then it would be too late for Kamit to do anything for them. _'You've had all the amusement you can at these fools expense. Dispose of them.'_

Kakarot shifted his hands, then flicked the bullets at his enemies. They surged forward faster than they had been shot, and slammed into their guns, which were flung from their hands by the force, ruined. The soldiers stepped back fearfully.

'Wha-what are you?' one asked.

'Someone significantly more powerful than you,' reflected Kakarot. 'run, and don't let me see you back here.'

The soldiers fled. And now the helpless fear of the afterlife which had before beset them might be put to use by the forces of good to reform them. The battle for these men's souls, rather than being unceremoniously ended with a one way ticket to HFIL, had instead shifted. They might well save themselves.

This was Kami's doing. There was no other explanation.

'You might want to not go to the tower by the way?!' called Kakarot after them. 'Thats where I'm going next!'

'Are you alright?!' cried Suno 'You just caught like a million bullets in your hands!'

'Actually it was more like two hundred and fifty four bullets.' reflected Kakarot.

'That was unbelievable!' cried Suno.

'Don't be silly,' said Kakarot 'you just saw me do it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get your chief, and then we can eat lunch.' Then he rushed out the door.

'Wait!' cried Suno.

Yet Kakarot was already gone, scurrying swiftly over the snowbanks in pursuit of his enemies, and leaving behind him a trail of flying snow. There was a long silence among Suno and her Mother.

'Unusual boy,' reflected Suno's Mother.

'I know.' said Suno.

Silence.

'I hope we see him again.' said Suno's Mother.

Suddenly a chill wind blew through the open door, and Kakarot returned, shivering, his teeth chattering horribly. 'I-its… kind of… cold… outside…'

Suno and her Mother fell over.

 _He_ had just about had enough of this heartwarming scene. _He_ was fairly certain he knew how it ended.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, they warmed themselves by a roaring fire and drank hot cocoa. Kakarot leaned in close, allowing the flames to melt the ice which had built up on him. Miranda closed in and set a blanket over his shoulders. 'Here, try and stay warm.'

Kakarot smiled, looking more like the child he was than he ever had before.

'I'll get you some of my clothes to wear.' said Suno with a laugh, rushing off.

'Kakarot, listen to me,' said Miranda 'this is foolish. Do you have any idea whats out there?'

'A bunch of guys with guns.' said Kakarot with a shrug. 'Still I guess I could wait for my friends. Their almost as strong as I am.'

Suno came back. 'Hey, see how these fit!' she said, offering him a trench coat and hat.

'I'm afraid we haven't told you the full story.' said Miranda. 'The Red Ribbon Army is holding our chief in a place called Muscle Tower. Its the army generals command post. Its got solid stone walls, fortified with guards and guns and who knows what other dangers. Several of the village men have already tried to rescue the chief. Not one of them made it out of the tower alive.'

'Sounds fun.' said Kakarot 'I'm definitely waiting for my friends on this. Wouldn't want them to miss out.'

Later Kakarot stood in the snows, wearing a violet trench coat with pink mittens, and a heavy blue cap. 'I think trench coats look pretty good on me. Though the color leaves something to be desired.'

'Yeah, well it was the only thing I had.' said Suno in annoyance. 'And you still haven't told me what a harem is.'

'Yo Kakarot,' called Launch's voice. 'where have you been?!'

Kakarot turned to see his friends heading towards him in a multiseat snowmobile. They were all clad in black trench coats that billowed behind them in the chill wind and wearing black sunglasses. On their heads were heavy caps.

'I could ask you the same question.' said Kakarot as they pulled up. 'Where have you guys been?'

'Writing checks,' said Bulma 'lots of checks.' She got out of the car and approached Miranda. 'Alright whats the damage?'

'Damage?' asked Miranda.

'A bunch of jerks have been walking around the village shooting up any houses they find and looking for my friend.' said Bulma in resignation. 'Since its kind of our responsibility, I've been paying for the damages suffered by the villagers.'

'We um… didn't suffer any damages.' said Miranda 'Kakarot caught all the bullets and sent the soldiers packing.'

'These people saved my life.' said Kakarot.

'Fine, whatever,' said Bulma, before writing out a check and handing it to Miranda.

'This is…' Miranda stammered. 'I mean… I don't…'

'Save your praise, its just money.' said Bulma before looking melodramatic. 'No one will ever understand the pain of being a pure hearted maiden, endlessly drawn to right the misdeeds of a cruel world.'

'Would this be before or after it was all the pure hearted maidens fault to begin with?' asked Kakarot ruefully.

'Shut up.' said Bulma.

'So where to now?' asked Yamcha. 'I mean what does the dragon radar say?'

'We're not following the dragon radar this time.' said Kakarot 'This villages chief has been taken hostage by the Red Ribbon Army. I mean to free him from the place called Muscle Tower.'

'Sounds like a decent showdown,' said Launch 'count me in.'

'I'm with you too.' said Yamcha.

'Don't try to leave us behind!' said Puar.

'Yeah, we'll show those Red Ribbon Army types whose boss!' cheered Bulma. 'Lets go!'

'Be careful,' said Miranda 'and don't take chances.'

Leaping aboard the snowmobile, they drove off, leaving a trail of snow behind them. Suno and Miranda watched them drive away, waving goodbye as they did so. Finally Suno looked up. 'Mom, whats a harem?'

'When you're older dear.' was all Miranda would say.

More silence. 'Do you think they can really defeat the Red Ribbon Army, mom?' asked Snow.

'He thinks they can.' said Miranda 'But so did your father.'

* * *

Elsewhere men bundled up in heavy clothing dug through the snow. Any who tried to stop working, or leave, were reminded of their duties by soldiers in ski masks with guns. Heavy equipment could be seen lying about, filled with missile launchers and other such weapons. The work had gone on for hours, and the men were tired, but there was no rest allowed for them.

At that moment one of the soldiers saw a cloud of snow in the distance. Bringing up his binoculars, he saw a group of teenagers in a snow mobile heading towards them. 'What the…'

* * *

The snowmobile swerved away, as gunfire whistled through the air, tearing through the snows around them. The skidded to a halt as a Red Ribbon Army machine came into view. Men with guns emerged, pointing their weapons at them. 'Hey, where do you think your going kids?'

'Sorry for the interruption, gentlemen.' said Kakarot 'We've come to murder you, and free whatever captives might be imprisoned in muscle tower.'

The men laughed. 'Got some pressing business do ya?'

'Why don't you run home to your mommy?'

'Cause we've been too busy plowing yours!' roared Launch 'KaameehaameeHAA!'

A surge of blue energy rushed forward and scattered the soldiers, obliterating the vehicle. Before they could recover, Yamcha was upon them, his trench coat flowing around him, as he knocked out the first with a punch, swung round with a kick to take out the next one, and leaping high into the air as the other fired at him wildly. Descending, he knocked him out with ease. As the rest got out of the snow mobile and continued on foot, running towards the gradually nearing form of Muscle Tower.

'I… I can't keep up!' cried Bulma as she fell behind. 'Slow down you guys!'

Kakarot halted until she had reached him, then scooped her up in his arms bridal fashion and continued running. She struggled. 'Hey, let go of me Kakarot, will ya?' Soon they came within sight of Muscle Towers base, and there they saw a force of soldiers waiting for them.

* * *

General White heard a communication.

'Intruder!' cried a voice.

'General, there are a bunch of kids storming the castle!' said a soldier.

'Heh,' said White 'like lambs to the slaughter. Fire! Fire now!'

* * *

As the soldiers opened fire, Kakarot hoisted Bulma up over one of his shoulder, while drawing his power pole with the other hand and deflecting a host of bullets. At the same time Launch drew out her machine gun and opened fire in return, downing the solders in moments.

'Power pole extend!' cried Kakarot, before setting it before him as he rushed at the wall.

'Kakarot!' cried Bulma 'Let me go! Let me go!'

Kakarot ignored her cries and vaulted over the snowbanks on the power pole, landing atop the battlements of Muscle Tower. On a whim, he took the opportunity to feel Bulma up. She was very firm, and his actions caused her to start kicking in an adorable way. She was probably blushing right now. After he'd had his fill he set her down, and grabbed his power pole with two hands. 'Power pole retract!'

'Whats the big idea Kakarot?!' snapped Bulma, hitting him over the head. 'You perve!'

'Call me what you want,' said Kakarot 'I got us up here didn't I?'

'Yeah, but you left half the group behind!' said Bulma 'Lower your power pole so they can climb up!'

'Nah,' said Kakarot 'its more fun this way.' He leaned over the parapet. 'Hey you guys, take the stairs will ya. Bulma and I are going on ahead.'

'Now hang on a sec-' began Yamcha.

'Can't hear you, don't care.' said Kakarot.

He then turned away, and gazed up at muscle tower far above him, and the challenges which lay within. He smiled in anticipation.

* * *

General White watched with raised eyebrows. 'Well, I am impressed little lambs. Come on up I'll be right here waiting for you.'

Now that our heroes have made it to the mysterious Muscle Tower what peril awaits them inside? Will they be able to rescue the village chief? And can they defeat the terrifying General White, and his hideous agenda? Find out on the next thrilling episode of Dragonball.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Wow, and entire episode that is almost completely from Kami and his viewpoint. This is new. I figured as long as I was actually making Kami act like god, I'd have him act like Satan. Speaking of which, I think anyone with a passable knowledge of dragonball will know who he is. For those who lack such knowledge, I'll leave it vague.

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, actually. Writing a standard episode from the perspective of the angels and devils on the shoulders of the heroes and villains was a very interesting experience.

As for Bulma being groped by Kakarot, Kakarot's primary role model is Master Roshi, his primary friend was Krillen, and unlike in canon, he's not naive and pure hearted enough to remain unaffected. Frankly its no wonder Kakarot doesn't understand women, and why you are supposed to limit yourself to just one. Even if he does, he probably wouldn't care.


	35. Storming the Tower

**Chapter Thirty Five: Storming the Tower**

Kakarot's footprints had not yet been blotted out by the falling snow, and the temperature had risen enough that one could go outside without wearing heavy coats. Clad in a yellow sweater, Suno stared mournfully out over the way Kakarot and his friends had gone, wondering if they were okay. Mom came out of the door, concern in her expression.

'Come inside,' Mom said 'you'll catch your death out here.'

'I was just hoping I'd see Kakarot.' said Suno.

Far in the distance, Muscle Tower loomed ominously.

* * *

Puar had to admit that Yamcha looked really cool in the black trench coat he had been given, and as he and Launch approached the gate with sunglasses gleaming and black boots crunching in the snow, they took off their hats to reveal their hair. Over the past few weeks, Yamcha's hair had grown out a bit, though Launch's looked much the same.

He looked to where Launch was holding a large black duffle bag over one shoulder.

They paused at the gate. 'So, it looks like Kakarot ditched us, huh?' asked Yamcha.

'Looks like it.' agreed Launch.

'Don't worry Yamcha,' said Puar 'you don't need him.'

Launch paused, and then looked to Yamcha. 'You still got those guns I gaze ya?'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'think we'll need em.'

'Nah,' said Launch 'but it could be fun to use them.'

Then she kicked in the door, and they made their way into the building. There was a scanner of the sort used by airport security which Launch put the duffle bag through as they went through the metal detector. As they did so it went off like crazy, and a group of red ribbon army soldiers surrounded them.

'Alright sweetheart, open that trench coats and show us what ya got.'

Launch opened up her trench coat, revealing guns innumerable. So many guns that they could not be counted. Guns of every shape, size, purpose and caliber. It would take a lifetime to count through all the guns she had on her, and the soldiers stepped back.

'Holy moly-'

Launch sent him flying with an open palm, before drawing out two sub machine guns and mowing down the soldiers on either side of her. Only one succeeded in reaching cover, and he raised his pistol fearfully. 'Backup! Send backup!'

The blonde raised a glock and opened fire, and he fell down dead.

'…That was a little brutal, don't you think?' asked Puar in a small tone.

'Rubber bullets,' said Launch 'honest.' One of the guards groaned, and Launch kicked him. 'Ah quit yer whining ya big sissy!'

She picked up the duffle bag as it came through the scanner, and the two of them walked onwards into a room of countless mirrored pillars. An alarm sounded, and the sound of many boots sounded throughout the room as countless soldiers rounded a corner and took cover behind the pillars. Yamcha drew out two pistols respectively, as the enemy pointed their guns at them.

'Freeze!' cried the leader.

There was a tense silence as Yamcha and Launch looked at each other. They they broke apart to either side as the soldier opened fire en masse. Dust and broken glass filled the air as they took shelter in the pillars. Launch rounded his own, and exchanged fire with a number or red ribbon soldiers, until he was out of ammo. She then leaped back to the pillar, which was rapidly being torn to shreds and drew out two sub machine guns.

Yamcha in the meantime ran along a wall and vaulted to stand behind a pillar. As a red ribbon soldier approached, he rounded the corner, kicked away his gun and kicked him unconscious with one foot. A man with a shot gun opened fire, but he leaped behind a pillar just in time.

Launch was waiting for her enemies to run out of ammo. After a few moments their firing stopped, and then she emerged from cover. Opening fire as her trench coat flowed behind him, she down three soldiers before he ran out of ammo, and outflanking the line of red ribbon soldiers. One of them saw as much and opened fire en masse with his assault rife, tearing the pillars around her to bits. A few of the bullets hit Launch, and bounced off, stinging only a little, though they tore up her trench coat.

Even as the man fired on, however, Yamcha appeared behind him, disarmed him and knocked him out with the butt of his own gun, before disappearing just as quickly.

Launch in the meantime had out flanked the red ribbon army battle line. Casting aside her sub machine guns, he drew out and assault rifle and opened fire while diving to the ground. Three more red ribbon army soldiers fell before the fourth got to cover, and returned fire.

However Launch had already reached cover herself, and drawn out two glocks, which she emerged and fired on her enemy with, forcing him to cover. Another emerged to shoot at her, but she gunned him down, before leaping into the air and drop kicking the last remaining soldier into unconsciousness.

She landed and made her way over to the duffle bag, which she picked up. Then Yamcha, Launch and Puar made their way over to the elevator and hit up. After a moment of waiting, the door opened and they made their way through, hit close, and made their way up.

General White looked on in horror from his command room. '…Those brats, the janitorial bill for the pillars is going to cost me thousands!'

* * *

The battlements of Muscle Tower were lined with heavy weaponry which could destroy a tank with one shot, or shoot down the fastest aircraft. None of it had been given the chance to actually be used. The wind was howling high above, and it was colder here than it had been below.

Kakarot and Bulma made their way along the walls, looking around warily for any sign of resistance. 'What do you suppose Yamcha and Launch are up to?' asked Bulma.

'Probably fighting White's minions,' reflected Kakarot 'nothing too serious. This place is gigantic, the Chief could be anywhere.'

 _'I see you intruder.'_ said a voice. _'Welcome to muscle tower!'_ Laughter echoed as Kakarot looked up.

'Where is he?' asked Kakarot 'Can you see him?'

'He's talking to us over the intercom silly.' said Bulma 'Hey, listen pal, we're on a time table so let me ask you this? Are you going to come down here, or do we have to climb up this stupid tower to kick your butt?!'

 _'Whats it to you?!'_ called back a voice. _'You're the trespassers, what do you want?!'_

They reached a door, and here halted. 'We're here to get the chief back!' said Bulma 'And if you think you can stop us you'd better think twice! Kakarot's beaten guys ten times as strong as you without breaking a sweat!'

 _'The chief? I see, you've been sent here to retrieve him have you?'_ the voice said. _'Well by all means come and get him. Take the stairs all the way to the top floor. You'll find him there.'_ Kakarot opened the door and they entered. 'Just be sure to watch your step on the way up! Ahahahahaha!'

'Are we supposed to take this guy seriously?' asked Kakarot.

'Just humor him, Kakarot.' said Bulma as they entered.

Within the tower they found themselves in a blue stone room, littered with boxes. A group of rough and ready men, clad casually were standing before them with knives and fists. Beyond them a green staircase could be seen leading higher up, while on the far wall could be seen an elevator door.

'Look, a kid and his babysitter.' said a tall man with a brown beard. 'Though she's pretty cute, actually.'

'You startled us, boy.' said a blonde man with a knife.

'And we hate to be startled.' laughed a black man with an aphro.

A man with a red mohawk laughed from behind. 'Yeah, your in for it.'

A black bearded man stepped forward. 'General White sir, want me to teach these kids a lesson?'

 _'Yes,'_ said White _'education is very important.'_

'And times up.' said Kakarot 'Gentlemen, although there is absolute nothing I'd rather be doing than making you eat those words, I literally have a thousand other people I'd rather be fighting. So I'm going to just go on ahead, and leave you in the capable hands of my friend and future mistress of my harem, Bulma.'

'Mistress of what?' said Bulma 'You know your making a lot of assumptions there kid, and for your information I'm way out of your league!'

'Whatever.' said Kakarot, before speeding past the soldiers with ease and running up the stairs.

The soldiers blinked as they realized he had left them behind. Then they laughed. 'Looks like the kid did the smart thing and left his babysitter behind as bait. There is no way he's getting past what comes next though.' said the blonde man. 'still now that we're alone I guess we can have a little fun.'

They began to advance on her. Bulma sighed.

* * *

As General White watched events play out, there was a knock at the door. He glanced back. 'Whose there?'

'Murasaki,' said a voice.

'Come in.' said White.

The door opened and a violet blur sped across the room faster than the eye could follow to stand behind White. The blur was revealed to be a tan skinned man with black haired tied into a topknot, and wearing a sword on his back.

'Come for the show?' asked White.

'Yes,' said Murasaki.

* * *

As the men advanced on her, Bulma took off her sunglasses off and shook her blue hair as they approached. From the looks of things Kakarot was leaving them to do most of the work. This was so typical for him!

'Lets not kill the babe too quick.' said the blonde one. 'she's got a hot body.'

'Yeah,' said the black bearded 'yeah its important to learn about sharing, babe, so pay attention this is how it works. You see I'm going to fuck you senseless first, then I'll let the other guys have a turn.'

Bulma reflected that a few weeks ago she would have been terrified out of her mind. Unfortunately for them this was not two weeks ago. She stepped aside from his kick, which seemed almost in slow motion, and tossed her sunglasses into the air. They went spinning away, as Bulma kicked the man hard enough to floor him in seconds, knocking out several of his teeth in the process and knocking him senseless. The sunglasses were nearing the height of their ascension.

Bulma charged at the blonde man, who lashed out with his knife, but she ducked and dealt him a vicious elbow to the gut, feeling several bones crack in the process. The sunglasses reached the height of their arc and began to fall down. The black man rushed at her and tried a punch her only for Bulma to roundhouse kick him across the chin, sending him slamming to the ground. The sunglasses were halfway to the floor as the red mohawked man went for a gun. Even as he drew it, Bulma knocked it aside and punched him across the face, sending him flying. Bulma walked forward and caught her sunglasses, before putting them back on her face, and stretching her arms out.

'Man, that was a good warm up.' Then she flashed a victory sign at the camera.

* * *

General White and Murasaki stared at the broken and unconscious forms of their best fist fighters, and the teenaged girl doing a victory dance. White blinked incredulously.

'Did you see that?' asked Murasaki. 'The way she took them out? She's no normal girl.'

'I think I'm beginning to understand how she was able to overpower Silver.' reflected White.

'She beat up Colonel Silver?' asked Murasaki incredulously.

'You don't think she can make it up here, do you?' asked White.

'That is absolutely impossible.' said Murasaki. 'No one has ever made it past the third floor with Major Metallatron. And even if he makes it past him, I'll be waiting for him.'

'I guess you're right.' said White, cracking his knuckles. 'I sure would enjoy a crack at the girl myself though.'

'Hi there, I'm taking the village chief.' said Kakarot.

White and Murasaki turned and stared to where the spiky haired child was standing in front of them, dressed in a violet trench coat. 'How… how did you…' stammered White, unable to comprehend what had just happened. 'How could you have gotten past all five levels of Muscle Tower so quickly?'

'Well first I ran into this giant guy,' said Kakarot 'and he looked like he might give me a decent fight. Then I realized that I really should give someone else a chance to fight him, so I just kind of ignored him and ran up the stairs. He was too big, so he couldn't follow me. Then I came into this huge room that was way larger on the inside than the tower is on the outside, and there were all these trees and stuff. But I couldn't find anyone to fight, so I just kept on running. Eventually I saw this huge monster thing, but it was chained up and in a cage and looked like it was sleeping. So I ran by that too.  
Then I found a maze, and I couldn't figure out how to escape it. So I just used the kamehameha wave to blow down all the walls. Then I found the stairs and ran up here. I think that only makes four levels though. You must have miscounted, that sometimes happens to me as well.'

White drew out a two barreled pistol and pointed it at him.

'Oh come on! I've taken entire clips to the face and walked it off no sweat.' said Kakarot with a laugh. 'Here, let me pretend to be intimidated. No! Please help! Somebody help! There is an old man pointing a gun at me!'

White shot him in the face and he landed limp with a crash. White sighed, and then pressed a button which opened a trap door sending the childs body crashing far below.

'…Well that happened.' said Murasaki. 'Do you think he might still be alive?'

'Are you kidding?' said White 'This gun fires shots designed to pierce tank armor. I had it custom made as insurance in case one of the robots went rogue. I'm surprised he has a head left, actually. Nobody could have survived that. And even if he did, he is unconscious. _It_ will finish him.' He sighed reloaded his gun, and pressed a button. 'General White to clean up crew. We need a new maze erected quickly.'

'Look,' said Murasaki 'someone is coming out of the elevator!'

* * *

There was a ding and Bulma whirled to face the elevator doors as they opened before her eyes. In them was Yamcha, Puar, and Launch and with them was a black duffle bag. 'Oh hey guys, whats in the bag?'

'Two hundred pounds of C4.' said Launch, setting it down.

'…Where did you get it?' asked Yamcha.

'I always keep a capsule or two of the stuff.' said Launch, before unzipping the bag, and setting a counter. She then brought it out into the room and pressed a button. 'Alright listen up you big brother wannabe! I've just set in motion a timer for thirty minutes! If we don't get the chief back unharmed in that time, this whole tower goes up!'

'WHAT!' said Yamcha.

 _'_ _Okay, okay, calm down.'_ said General White, sounding a little scared. _'You realize that if that thing goes off, it will kill you too.'_

'Actually we've already wasted everyone on the lower levels.' said Launch 'I figure we can rescue the chief and be out of here long before it blows.'

'…If that is the case,' said Puar in a small voice, 'haven't you just defeated the entire point of setting a bomb in the first place?'

'Yeah Launch,' said Bulma 'you really should just disarm that thing so we can take our time.'

'Oh,' said Launch, before looking at the minute counter ticking down. 'uh… well… uh… its impossible to disarm.' She smiled awkwardly.

 _'_ _What?!'_ said White _'Why would you threaten someone with a bomb, and then make it so that even if they complied with your demands the blast would go off anyway! Thats completely psychotic, women!'_

'I didn't want my blue haired wimp of a split personality ruining everything!' said Launch 'If I was threatening a bank or something, and then I sneezed I'd lose all my bargaining power!'

'We're going to die because of you!' accused Puar.

'Guys,' said Yamcha 'twenty seven minutes. We don't have time to discuss this.'

'Wait,' said Puar 'maybe if we take it outside, we can throw it really far away.'

'Erm…' Blonde Launch rubbed the back of her head. 'I kind of made it so that once its started counting down, moving it will blow it early.'

'Okay new plan!' said Bulma 'I'm going to stay behind and try to disarm this thing, you guys go on ahead and try to get the village chief. Go now!'

'Right!' said Yamcha, and they raced up the stairs.

There was a long, horrified silence on the sixth floor of Muscle Tower. After a moment Murasaki looked to General.

'…Maybe we should give them the village chief.' said Murasaki after a moment.

'No you imbecile,' said White 'they are trying to disarm the bomb right now! If we give them the chief, then they will take him and leave! And we'll be blown sky high!'

There was a long pause. 'So,' Murasaki said 'just to confirm, the enemy have set a bomb for the specific purpose of forcing us to release the chief. But because they have no assurance of disarming the bomb, if they do get the chief they will leave at once and let us die.

Which means that our only option is to try to stop them before they reach the top so that Bulma Briefs has time enough to disarm the bomb. Which is in both our interests, as if they run out of time, they die to.'

'Yes,' said White in irritation. 'that is the present situation.'

'What is the point of the bomb?!' cried Murasaki 'As far as I can tell it serves no purpose other than to force us to the very thing we were going to do anyway?!'

'I don't know,' admitted White 'but if that timer runs down to zero, we all lose.' He looked to Murasaki. 'Why are you still here?! Get down to floor three, and stop them!'

Murasaki saluted and rushed down the steps. General White opened the com to the third floor. 'Metallatron, you have company on the way! Show them your special hospitality!'

* * *

Launch and Yamcha reached the top of the steps, followed by Puar and walked into a blue stone room of a darker shade.

'Stop, intruder.' said a modulated tone. They looked up to see a massive man wearing a black flak vest, with red hair and brown pants. He was built like a lighthouse, and wore black leather gloves and sunglasses. He stepped before them, towering above them.

'Well, well, well,' said Launch 'looks like we've got a welcoming committee! Yamcha, I'll handle this guy! You go on ahead!'

'I am the guard assigned to this floor.' said Metallatron 'You must get past me to proceed up the stairs.'

'Sound easy enough,' said Launch 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Go on Yamcha, I'll catch up after I topple this doofus.'

'Right,' said Yamcha, before racing up the nearby stairs.

Mettalatron looked to him, however a voice spoke: _'Let him go, Metalatron, he'll never make it past Murasaki. Deal with the blonde.'_

Metallatron raised one fist. 'You're dead.' Then he brought it down, but Launch disappeared and reappeared moments later. The floor had been cracked and broken by the punch. 'Where'd she go?' He rose up, looking around.

High above, Launch was hanging from a chain on the ceiling, a smirk on her face. 'My turn, ya big lummox!' Dropping down, she landed on Metalatron's shoulder and dealt him a punch to the face which sent him reeling away to land with a crash, while Launch touched down on her feet easily. 'Easy as pie! That chief is as good as freed. Going up!'

And she made her way towards the stairs. As she did so, however, Metalatron's hands twitched, and he arose behind her to grip her in his hands. He squeezed her, causing her to groan. 'Going down.' said Metalatron.

'Get… your… filthy… hands… OFF ME!' roared Launch, before breaking free of his grip, and landing as Metallatron groaned, 'Pretty good, but its my turn now!' Running towards him she initiated a flying kick that slammed into him and sent him reeling backwards. Metallatron hit the wall with enough force to crack it. He landed very still on the ground. 'That got him.'

Launch began to walk away. Yet as she did so, Mettalatron's eyes glowed red behind his shades, and he began to stir. Launch turned around and watched as he stood tall. 'Your back?! What does it take to put you down?!' She leaped away as one massive foot tried to crush her, and then was caught by a punch that sent her flying. Launch bounced off the floor, and hit the wall face first hard enough to crack it. She fell down and lay still.

Metallatron marched forward and brought down one foot to crush her. However Launch rolled to one side just in time. Leaping into the air, she roundhouse kicked the giant across the face, sending him reeling.

Then she landed and clutched her head. 'What is this guy made of? Pure metal?' Metallatron's leg twitched, and he arose once more, looking angry. 'Aw, come on!'

'I'm mad.' said Major Metallatron.

'Gee, never would have guessed that.' said Launch.

The major opened his mouth, and out of it was spat a missile which shot towards her. Launch stepped aside as it overshot her, only to circle round and strike at her with an explosion which shook the tower to its base.

* * *

Perhaps some rumor of the battle now being waged reached Suno's mind, because she dropped a tea cup which landed and shattered with a crash. Suno was suddenly seized with a terrible sense of unease. _'I hope nothing bad has happened to Kakarot.'_

* * *

Elsewhere, in a room lined with bones, Kakarot groaned in his sleep.

* * *

The shot had put a huge hole in the wall, and icy cold wind was filling the room. Metallatron looked pleased with himself. 'The end.' he proclaimed. He brought up a finger and flashed a v sign. 'Victory! Victory! Victory! Victory! Victory!'

From where she was hiding behind a pillar, Launch stared. 'Wow, that was close. He must be some kind of robot. Sure explains why he doesn't go down easy. Time to get serious.' She stepped out into the open. 'Hey red head, ya missed me!'

Metallatron turned and charged.

Launch cupped her hands and began to summon her power. 'KaameehaameeHAA!'

A beam of white and blue light surged forward, and Metallatron screamed as it consumed him. When the dust settled, Metallatron's head had been blown clean off. The skin of his left bicep had been burned off to reveal metal. His clothes were in tatters.

Launch laughed. 'Hey don't lose ya head pal, I was just passing through!' Then she stretched out one arm, looking a bit somber. 'Gotta admit though, you were damn hard to put down.' Metallatron's hand moved. 'You've got to be kidding me!'

The hand was launched from Metallatron's arm, and slammed into her, bashing her against the floor. Launch groaned as the arm rolled away. Gradually she pulled herself up as Metallatron advanced and threw a punch. She leaped away.

'How are you still moving?!' she snapped.

'Destroy!' cried Metallatron, swatting at her with one hand. 'Destroy!' He attacked again. 'Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!' He drove her gradually back across the floor, until she was cornered against a wall. She moved aside just in time for his fist to pass through the wall she had been next to.

As Launch back petalled, she felt blood dripping down her cheek, and gritted her teeth. She narrowed her eyes, and took a stance. Rolling under the robots leg, she sprang at his back and put one hand through his back, snarling as she felt the electricity on her. As she landed, Metallatron turned round and punched her into the ground. 'De…stroy…' He threw another punch, which she rolled away from.

'De… stroy…'

With a cry Launch charged at Metallatron, rushing to meet him halfway. Their fists met and for a moment nothing happened. They stood there, in silence. Then his fist exploded, and Launch leaped back. He was now armless, headless, and had a hole where his heart should have been.

He was very still. Satisfied, Launch turned and began to walk towards the steps. Only to be stomped into the ground by Major Metallatron's foot. The robot then kicked her like a football to slam against the far wall hard. Launch landed with a crash, clutching her face.

'I swear…' she said 'if my nose is broken then, then, ah… ah… not now… achoo!' At once she changed into her blue haired persona. 'Oh my, what is this? Where am I?' Suddenly she screamed, backing away as Major Matallatron advanced upon her. 'No, please stay away! I don't know what my blonde self did but-' She backed away into the path of the hole in the wall and felt the chill. 'ah, ah, achoo!'

Blonde Launch returned and charged at Metallatron, tearing through his body with her own and leaving a gaping hole on the others side of his chest, crackling with energy. 'That'll show ya!' she snapped.

'De…stroy…' said the Major as he turned round and advanced once more.

'This is ridiculous!' roared Launch as Metallatron turned round. 'Kaa…mee…haa…mee…'

Metallatron stopped, its voice garbling before stopping entirely. Launch wasn't falling for that again though.

'HAA!'

A beam of light, even larger than the last consumed him, and when it faded there was nothing but ashes remaining. Launch flipped her hair behind her head. 'That'll teach ya when to quit! Now I'd better catch up with Yamcha, and see how he's doing.' She paused. 'How much time do I have on the clock anyway?' She looked at her watch. 'FIVE MINUTES?! Aw nuts, why did I make that thing impossible to turn off! Unless Yamcha has already freed the Chief and is already heading down to meet us-'

Bulma stumbled up the stairs, looking supremely tired. 'Hey guys,' she said 'I wasn't able to disarm the bomb. But I did manage to trick it into thinking that five minutes was actually three hours. That should buy us some… time…' She fell to her knees. 'I'm exhausted! Can we go home now!'

'Not yet,' said Launch 'we've still got three floors to climb.'

'Ugh...' said Bulma, before collapsing onto her back.

* * *

Kakarot's friends have triumphed over Major Metallatron, but what about Kakarot himself? And where has Yamcha been during all of this? How has he faired against the sinister Ninja Murasaki?! Find out on the next exciting episode of Kakarot, and the Quest for the Dragonballs!

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, this episode is done! I've had this fight planned from before I ran into General Silver. I basically decided that Launch would fight Metallatron from the moment I decided Muscle Tower would be a team effort. Really the Red Ribbon Army is easy to fit teams into, because there are truckloads of villains to fight, and plenty of space to give other characters a day in the limelight.

As for the whole bomb sub plot, I was making a matrix reference and it got out of hand. As for why Kakarot made it all the way up to the top, bear with me. I've got some plans. I think my favorite part of this chapter is Bulma Vs White's goons, particularly the bit with the sunglasses. I never expected her to turn out to be a blood knight like she has, but there it is.

Did anyone catch the reference towards the end of the chapter? Not the lobby shootout, that was obvious. I mean the one surrounding the bomb?


	36. Ninja and Wolf

**Chapter Thirty Six: Ninja and Wolf**

They called him a messenger of death, swift as the wind and utterly lethal. You would not see or hear him, but he was there. If you happened to catch a glimpse of his silhouette then you were already dead. Those foolish enough to resist him pay a terrible price. And now he was coming after Yamcha.

* * *

The snow fell past the windows of her house, as Suno kneeled by her bed praying. Her eyes were closed as she tried to get in touch with the universe. 'Good spirits,' she prayed 'watch over Kakarot and keep him safe.'

* * *

Kami could not promise anything. He was by no means omnipotent, and yet he found himself filled with determination to see to it that this girls wish was not disappointed. However for now it was Yamcha who needed his aid more than anyone.

Yamcha and Puar sped up the stairs as Launch did battle with Major Metallatron, awaiting their next challenge. They rushed up to the top and halted in a dark room. The floor beneath their feet was soft, and Yamcha kneeled down to set one hand against it. 'This is… grass. Whats going on here?'

'I don't know, but its scary.' said Puar, shivering.

'Come on Puar,' said Yamcha 'lets try to find the stairs up. We need to get the village chief and get out of here.' Suddenly as they moved forward he heard a low whistling sound. His every reflex and sense screamed at him to move, and he ducked. A blade passed over his head, and he rolled away, before backflipping away, only for his foot to hit and unstable surface.

He landed with a crash, and quickly forced himself up, feeling whatever it was he had hit. 'A rock? What the… we're inside aren't we?'

He glanced into the darkness over it, listening and looking. He was shocked at what he saw. Before him stretched what seemed to be an entire indoor forest, with leaves and a shrine. It was as if it had been taken out of some picture of ancient days and brought to life.

'Yamcha!' cried Puar, approaching him. 'Are you alright?!'

'Yeah, I'm fine.' said Yamcha 'They have an entire forest in here. This place is way bigger on the inside isn't it.'

'Maybe their using some kind of capsule technology.' suggested Puar.

'Maybe,' said Yamcha 'see if you can find a light switch.'

'Okay-'

Suddenly his senses cried out again, and he sprang aside as many ninja daggers shot out of the darkness and imbedded themselves in the rock. There was a crash, marking the battle between Launch and Major Metallatron, as Yamcha ducked away from another series of daggers. Getting behind the rock, he looked for his enemy. Once again he felt his enemies attack, and rolled away just in time.

'Puar, lets go!' cried Yamcha.

The two of them fled into the woods, hoping to gain additional cover. Daggers rushed through the bushes, and marked the tree they hid behind. Peering out from cover, Yamcha marked a violet figure leaping from the rooftop of a small house, and onto a tree. He was a blur that could scarcely be followed.

Yamcha went after him, and for a time they converged on each others location. Then the blur appeared before him, and shot into the trees and was gone. 'I've got a bad feeling about this. Puar, get me my sword.'

'Okay,' said Puar, throwing a capsule which exploded into smoke to reveal a carved wooded box. Opening it, Yamcha took up his sword and gave it a few practice swings.

'What are we gonna do, Yamcha?' asked Puar. 'We can't even see him.'

Silence engulfed them. Silence as profound as the oldest being in the universe. They walked throughout that darkened forest, seeing a pool of water quite tranquil. It was like a forest, but not like a forest. There were no animals in this place, no night owls or rodents. It was like a picture, lifeless.

Yamcha lost patience. 'Show yourself!'

Suddenly there was only brightness. Many circular lights turned on, engulfing the forest light, as windows opened up to let the sunlight in upon the tranquil forest. Blinded for a moment, Yamcha could barely see as his senses screamed again. A dagger surged at him, but he brought up his sword and knocked it away.

He recovered from the glare and looked around.

'You are trespassing on private property,' said a voice. 'you are the first person to ever reach the fourth floor of Muscle Tower uninvited. I am here to make sure you are also the last.'

'Your not as strong as Yamcha!' cried Puar.

'Big talk coming from a guy who hides from his enemies.' asked Yamcha 'Who are you?'

Throwing stars surged out of nowhere and they split as they passed by them. Yet the blades curved round, and shot at Yamcha, who narrowly moved aside. One of them slashed his cheek, and he felt blood drip down it.

'I am a messenger of death.' came the reply 'The great ninja, Murasaki! The only time you will see me is just before your final breath!' Laughter echoed throughout the forest as Puar shivered.

'Yamcha,' said Puar 'I see the stairs over there. We can make it if we run!'

'No.' said Yamcha 'We can't. We're being hunted.'

He glanced back, and saw a blade descending towards him. Bringing up his own sword he parried the blow. Yet before he could return it, his enemy had already disappeared before his eyes.

'Impressive… most impressive…' said Murasaki from everywhere and nowhere.

A violet blur shot around through the forest, and Yamcha followed it. Soon he came to a little house, with a pool of water in the midsts of it. He could feel his enemy surging around him, and he followed him as best he could. _'He must have run out of ammunition by this point.'_ he thought to himself.

As the blur continued, Yamcha turned and hurled his sword at where it would be. The weapon flew swift and true into the underbrush, and there was a scream of pain and something dropped down onto the ground. Yet it wasn't heavy enough to be a body. _'Its probably a decoy, he'll be expecting me to go look for it.'_

Instead Yamcha walked quietly into the woods and melded into the shadows. As he slowly crept in a circle, he waited. Listening, he heard footfalls as someone landed in the clearing, and appeared. He saw there a man in a violet outfit with a sword leaning down over to pick up something. He had a slash across the shoulder that he had bandaged. His sword was embedded in a tree nearby.

'Wolf fang fist!' roared Yamcha, rushing forward.

The fury of the wolf drove him towards him enemy, and he struck. Yet his enemy slipped away just in time, and his assault hit nothing but air. Curious, Yamcha kneeled down and picked up the paper. It was a picture of two women getting undressed into only their underwear.

'Huh?' he said.

 _'_ _Is that what you mean by showing my sisters the sights?'_ asked General White in horror.

'You wretch!' came a voice, as the Ninja rushed out of the trees. 'That is my personal property, are you trying to ruin me-'

Yamcha punched him in the face. The man clutched his face painfully. 'Ow! I wasn't ready you-'

Yamcha kicked him in the crotch. Murasaki collapsed to the ground, and he let the picture drift to the ground. 'I've had just about enough of you, pal.' said Yamcha. 'Now get out of here before I get serious.'

Murasaki snatched up the paper, fitted it into his outfit and arose. 'You fool!' He leaped back and hurled a smoke grenade which hid his escape. Now he was once again everywhere and nowhere. 'Thus far you have only seen what I have allowed you to see! Yet now you shall see nothing! I am invisible! Yes, feel my power!'

Yamcha pulled his sword and followed his enemies voice.

'I am as transparent as cellophane, tremble, for I am as the warm wind blows! Silent, but deadly!'

Yamcha took hold of the star spangled banner that was being held up, and yanked it away, before putting his sword up against Murasaki's throat. 'I see you.'

'Impossible! How could you have seen through my disguise!'

'You pulled up a brightly colored flag in the middle of a woodland.' said Yamcha, removing the sword.

'Flags are specifically designed to stand out.' said Puar sadly. 'He's new to this whole stealth thing, isn't he?'

'Ah!' said Murasaki, looking down. 'I told mother to put the tree pattern on both sides!' He turned it around to reveal a bark pattern. 'See, now I am invisible.'

 _'_ _Its official,'_ said White, echoing their thoughts. _'he is a complete moron.'_

'This is just sad, Yamcha.' said Puar 'You want to keep moving?'

'Sure, why not,' said Yamcha.

As they began to walk away, Murasaki tossed aside his flag and stood up. 'Stop right there! So you saw through my simple disguise! Good… now we can get on to more important matters! Go to the tree and count to thirty and-'

'What do I look like?' asked Yamcha 'A kid? Piss off.'

'You know, this ninja is kind of disappointing.' said Puar.

They walked off, paying the Ninja no further heed.

* * *

Little did they know, all had gone according to Murasaki's plan. _'Those fools are not taking me seriously. Now that they are walking away, I will be able to hide and they will never be able to find me!'_

Rushing to the pool by the house, Murasaki took out a hollow reed and leaped into it, breathing through the straw. It was a stroke of brilliance if he'd ever seen it.

Meanwhile Yamcha and Puar were less than impressed. As they walked through the forests, unhindered they headed for the stairs.

'Yamcha, do you think we should looked for Murasaki?' asked Puar.

'Well,' said Yamcha 'he's actually pretty good at hiding. So he's probably somewhere where we can neither see nor hear him. Which means that he won't be able to see or hear us. So lets head up to the next floor while he can't see us.'

'Good thinking Yamcha,' said Puar.

 _'_ _Murasaki you idiot!'_ cried General White _'Stop hiding and kill the intruders!'_

There was no response. 'Apparently he can't hear General White either.' said Yamcha. 'Oh well, lets-' He saw Puar's eyes widen, and ducked as a blade passed over his head. Turning round he clashed swords with Murasaki, and was driven back as the ninja unleashed a flurry of blows with his katana. Yamcha's sword was heavier, and took more energy to wield, but he was the stronger as well.

Finally Yamcha recovered and halted Murasaki's advance. Then he went on the offensive, striking hard and fast with his blade. Murasaki was driven back beneath his onslaught, and finally with a single blow Yamcha split his sword in half. The former bandit pulled back his sword just in time to avoid splitting the man in half.

Murasaki stepped backward fearfully, looking at the broken haft of his weapon in shock. 'You wretch, that was my best sword!'

'You've been disarmed,' said Yamcha 'now stop coming after me before I get serious!'

Murasaki cast the weapon away and took a stance. 'I am unarmed. Will you face me fairly?'

Yamcha stared at him. Then he planted his own weapon into the grass. 'Fine, lets do this.'

He surged towards Murasaki, yet even as he approached the ninja drew out a sharpened boomerang from his gi and hurled it. Yamcha rolled under its approach, as it went spinning away. He leaped towards Murasaki, bringing around one fist. Yet the Ninja leaped away.

'Yamcha look out!' cried Puar.

Yamcha turned around just in time to leap over the incoming boomerang. As it passed beneath him, he sensed something behind him. He glanced back to see his own sword in Murasaki's hand, coming for his neck. Turning around in midair, he dodged the strike and brought round a leg to strike Murasaki. Yet the Ninja slipped beyond his grasp and landed as he did.

Before Yamcha could recover, the Ninja came at him with the sword driving him back through the trees. Yamcha leaped into the trees, and took cover out of sight.

Murasaki crept through the trees, stalking his enemy. The boy had proved to be far more adept at stealth than Murasaki would care to admit, and as he hunted his prey, his prey was hunting him in turn. From where he perched atop a tree branch, looking down, Murasaki threw his voice.

'Hiding are we?' asked Murasaki. 'You are a fool to try to out stealth a ninja.' He moved down to take shelter beneath a fake rock.

'You coward,' came the reply. 'you said you were unarmed.' Murasaki saw a figure move through the tree quietly. 'Then when I agreed to fight you without a weapon, you drew one.'

'This is a battle of life and death,' replied Murasaki with a smile. 'all that matters is who wins!' He slipped out of the rock, creeping after the figure, blade in hand.

'I don't believe in using deception as a tool!' roared Yamcha. 'I fight my battles the old fashioned way, with honor!'

He had him dead to rights. Yamcha stood in the clearing, his back turned to Murasaki. Murasaki drew out his throwing stars, rustling the leave and the boy turned around scared, only to disappear in a poof of smoke. In its place was a smiling blue cat.

'Fooled ya!' said Puar.

Yamcha emerged from the tree Murasaki was standing next to, looking very, very, angry. 'Clever girl…' said Murasaki. He brought round his sword, but Yamcha was faster.

'WOLF FANG FIST!'

* * *

The ensuing beat down was lengthy, vicious, and extremely satisfying. After Murasaki had been thrown clear on through five separate trees, the sword he had been holding went spinning through the air to land in Yamcha's outstretched hand. He sheathed it in satisfaction, then wordlessly he and Puar turned and made their way towards the stairs.

'That was really clever what you did there, Puar.' said Yamcha 'Pretending to be me. Just don't make a habit of it in the future, you could get hurt.'

'No problem,' said Puar proudly. 'he wasn't playing fair anyway.'

They made their way up the stairs and as they did so saw a cage. Puar looked into it, and saw within a giant creature, dressed in a blue suit. Its hands and feet were chained, and its eyes were closed. Puar shivered. 'Yamcha, what do you suppose that is?'

'I don't know,' said Yamcha 'hey, uh you…'

'Yes,' said the creature, looking up.

'Is there a particular reason you are chained up like this?'

'General White had me built to kill the enemies of the Red Ribbon Army.' explained the creature. 'I am an Android designed for combat.'

'So… kind of like that Major Metallatron guy?' surmised Yamcha 'The one Launch is fighting.'

'I am a more advanced model than him.' said the android morosely. 'He was my prototype.'

'Oh no!' cried Puar.

'What?' said Yamcha.

'I just remember that bomb is going to go off soon!' said Puar 'We need to save the village chief and get out of here before its too late!'

'Oh crap your right!' said Yamcha 'We've got to go now!'

And they raced off in a panic. Android Eight sighed despondently. 'I'm so lonely.'

* * *

In another place entirely, Kakarot awoke seeing past present and future at once. He stood up, and looked around at a place of mangled bones and mildewed stone walls. Looking up, he saw no place where he had fallen in. Perhaps it was a result of his blow to the head, but he felt very different from usual, as though a darkness had lifted from his heart. Or he'd suffered brain damage.

'Well this is weird,' he said, rubbing his head. 'I feel really good. Oh well, I guess I'll see how Bulma and the others are doing.' He walked throughout the surrounding room, and found no entrance. 'No doors or windows,' he smiled brightly. 'I'll just make one then. But which way leads into the tower?'

He listened at one side of the wall. He heard a howling wind. At another segment, near a great iron door, he heard a chewing noise. At the last he heard silence.

'I guess this way leads inside then.' said Kakarot 'KaameehaameeHAA!'

He blew a hole in the wall and emerged onto a spiral set of stairs, making his way down them with a spring in his step. As he did so, he came to a door which was even now shifting to block someone from entering. Kakarot walked out the other way, and made his way down the steps further until he came to the location.

'I wonder how far the others have gotten,' reflected Kakarot 'I'll bet they've all gotten hung up on Major Metallo and need me to rescue them.'

He made his way over to the place where he had seen the monster before humming happily to himself. Then he stopped and peered at the trees far below. 'Wow, everything is so colorful! I can't wait for the others to see this place!' He then looked into a cage, and saw in the darkness a figure hunched over and sitting down, looking terribly sad. 'Hi there, whats your name?'

'I am Android Eight.' said the creature 'You should go. I heard that man Yamcha say that a bomb is about to go off that will destroy the Tower.'

'Yamcha came through here?' asked Kakarot 'Thats weird, I should have run into him on my way down. Anyway we're going to rescue the village chief together, so do you want to come?'

'…I'm not sure I should.' said Android Eight. 'After all my purpose is to crush the enemies of the Red Ribbon Army.'

'Don't worry about that silly,' said Kakarot with a laugh. 'my purpose is to destroy all life on the planet. Nobody is perfect.' Bringing around one leg, he smashed the bars. 'Want me to break your bindings?'

'No,' said Android Eight 'I can do it myself.' He moved his hands apart, and his chains shattered as he lumbered forward. Then he emerged from the cage, and rose to his full height. Kakarot looked up in awe.

'Wow,' said Kakarot in awe 'you are huge!'

'What was that about destroying all life?' asked Android Eight.

'Oh see I was sent to this world for the specific purpose of annihilating the unworthy life forms upon it.' said Kakarot with a grin. 'But I'm not strong enough to do it right now. So I'm adventuring with my friends to get strong enough to beat my master, and then I'll annihilate this unworthy species.'

'…Won't you have to kill your friends to do that?' asked Android Eight.

'Huh,' said Kakarot 'I never thought about that before. I guess I won't destroy the world then, since my friends live in it.' Some part of him told him that he was being far too quick to throw away his old plans. Yet he paid them no mind.

'Thats good,' said Android Eight 'you seem like a good person.'

* * *

 _He_ was incredulous. What had just happened here? So Kakarot took a couple of blows to head, and all of a sudden he was casting aside his long held omnicidal intentions? This didn't add up. Kami probably figured it was too good to be true, but _he_ found it intolerable.

 _He_ began to focus on Kakarot's mind, but it was difficult. He couldn't read him any more. His whispers seemed to just flow through him, as if the darkness had no hold over his heart. It was as if the boy had suddenly become… pure… of… heart?

 _'_ _WHAT!'_

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

A bit of a shorter chapter this time, primarily because I trimmed out most of the moments where Murasaki looks like a total joke. I admit that the Murasaki fight is probably my least favorite part of Muscle Tower. The other fights had wacky moments, but the thing with Murasaki was straight out of looney tunes. The whole thing with Kakarot becoming pure of heart from hitting his head very hard is an idea which occurred to me earlier. I basically did two episodes in one this chapter.

I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I'm glad I gave Puar an awesome moment. And I am also glad I gave Yamcha a chance to use a sword again.

One of the weird things about the muscle tower arc is that the timing is all off in this fic. Because the characters are spreading out, and each facing their own challenges along the way, multiple events are taking place at once. So Yamcha is fighting Murasaki as Launch is fighting Metallatron. This means that it can be weird getting events to line up.

If anyone thinks that this chapter is sub par, please tell me why and I'll try to fix it.


	37. Android Eight

**Chapter Thirty Seven: Android Eight**

This was impossible, plain and simple.

There had been cases of beings who were born pure of heart, for good or ill. Likewise there were cases of individuals who had achieved purity of heart through intense meditation, or actions of unforgivable villainy. Yet to become pure of heart through a simple blow to the head. Perhaps if ones memories and personality were wiped by the trauma, and one assumed a different personality. Yet Kakarot clearly recalled his previous memories, and mission.

Kami found this very concerning, and so it was that he focused his attention on unraveling what had occurred within Kakarot's mind. As he searched, he gradually found the key. Kakarot had not become pure of heart. He was already pure of heart at birth. However his race, whoever they had been, had specifically programmed their children to hunt, kill and destroy. Kindness, charity and goodwill were diseases to them.

From the very beginning Kakarot had been meant to destroy all that lived upon his world. Kami had, of course, been aware of Kakarot's origins. Yet he had never known of this. Kakarot's programming ensured that he remained determined in his mission.

However there was a loop hole. When the child was faced with an opponent who was too powerful to defeat, or an impossible situation they were encouraged to work around it. To bide their time and get stronger.

Kami felt angry for the first time in a very long time. The sins of this race must have been great indeed.

He did not dare attempt to purge the programming, to do so would risk damaging Kakarot's mind irreparably. He sensed that its hold over his mind was weakening. The fall had jarred its influence loose, for now. However it would reassert itself soon enough.

* * *

Meanwhile a soldier brought a tray of food into the cell of the village chief. The door closed behind him, and he made his way up to a false wall. Pushing a button, the wall pulled up to reveal bars. Past them was a simple white bed, a coat rack with a green coat and hat hanging from it, and a single window, set with bars. By the window stood an elderly man with a bald patch at the top of his head. He was dressed in brown overalls, and wore a striped blue and white shirt.

'How will my village survive without my guidance,' he said 'I must find a way to return to them. They need my help.' He covered his face with his hand as the soldier entered the room, feeling a sense of pity for the old man. He crushed it down, for pity was for the weak.

'Alright old timer,' said the man 'foods here.'

There was silence.

'Hey, old man!' snapped the soldier. 'Are you deaf?!'

'I will not eat while I am your prisoner.' replied the man. 'Send the food to my people.'

The soldier ignored him and set the food down. 'Fine, let the rats have it.' Then he turned to walk away.

'Whats all that noise I hear downstairs?' asked the chief.

'Its nothing,' said the soldier 'a bunch of teenagers running around.'

'Teenagers?' asked the chief.

'They sneaked in,' said the soldier 'I guess to rescue you. Don't worry, their probably in a million pieces by now.'

The chief rushed forward and gripped the soldier by the collar. 'Why you- picking on an old man is one thing! But children! Its barbaric! What if it were your children! What kind of army fights children?!'

'Let go of me you old fool!' snapped the soldier, shoving him off. 'If they were my kids I wouldn't send them here in the first place! Whats the matter, aren't there any adults in your village?!' He turned to walk out. 'Pathetic.' He shut the cell door with a clang, before locking it.

'I've got to do something and quickly,' said the old man 'those poor kids are-' He smelled the food. 'Cocoa, my favorite!' And then he began to eat.

* * *

Kakarot felt as though something were sifting through his thoughts, but he didn't care about that right now. Right now he was preoccupied with his new friend. 'So you were built by the Red Ribbon Army?'

'Yes,' said Eight 'by two of the most brilliant scientists on the planet.'

'Huh, so I guess Capsule Corp really is in league with the forces of darkness.' said Kakarot 'Who knew?'

At that moment Ninja Murasaki made his entrance, scaling up the stairs. Kakarot looked at him with a forthcoming smile, and the Ninja froze up. 'Wha… but… how did you survive that?'

'I'm pretty tough.' said Kakarot 'Although now that you mention it ever since I hit my head all the world has seemed like such a wonderful place. Its flaws only serve to highlight the perfection inherent to every creature.'

Murasaki trembled, then looked up, and up and up to Android Eight. 'Ah, Number Eight! You've been released! Excellent, now take care of this nuisance!'

'I'd rather not.' admitted Android Eight.

'Wha… tell me you do not defy me?!' cried Murasaki.

'Yes, excuse me,' said Eighter 'but I… hate violence.'

'Why?' asked Kakarot, confused. 'Violence is fun.'

'People get hurt when you commit acts of violence.' explained Android Eight.

'Wow, I never thought about it like that.' said Kakarot in awe. 'I'll have to completely rethink my life.'

'I don't recall asking for your opinion!' cried Murasaki. 'Your job is to spread mayhem, not philosophy!'

Android Eight looked down at the floor, then looked up again. 'Well I just think that what you are doing here is wrong. I mean, especially how you are holding the village elder hostage upstairs.'

'I've had enough of your mutiny!' snapped Murasaki 'Don't you know the Red Ribbon Army created you! How dare you refuse to obey your makers!'

'He makes a good point.' reflected Kakarot 'Are you sure you don't want to fight?'

'I'm sorry,' said Eight 'I can't do it.'

'What?!' cried Murasaki 'You're nothing but a yellow bellied coward!'

'Call me what you want.' said Eight 'I still can't.'

'Aw,' said Kakarot in disappointment. 'I haven't had a decent fight since I got here.'

Murasaki just smiled and reached into the fold of his gi. 'Well… now it has come to this Android Eight.' He drew out a remote with a big red button on it. 'Do you see this remote? We planned for an incident just like this! A surprise was implanted in your body when you were built. Lets call it obedience insurance.'

Eight opened his mouth and let out a sound of fear.

'All I have to do is press this big red button one time and then, BOOM!' cried Murasaki 'The bomb inside you goes off! So if you don't want to be blown to smithereens, you will shut your trap and follow my orders!' He laughed.

'Well you heard him,' said Kakarot 'lets fight.'

Eight remained silent for a long, long time. The suspense was drawn out as he eyed the remote, and Murasaki's smiling face. Kakarot reflected that this was rather mean of Mursaki. Eight made a thoughtful sound as he considered his options.

'I can't,' said Eight 'no matter what happens, do harm.'

* * *

Meanwhile at the Red Ribbon Army base in the scientific room popcorn scattered and a cry of unfathomable rage was heard throughout the length and breadth of the land.

'God damn it!' roared Gero as he threw the remote through the television which he was watching things play out on. 'Every time I make a super powerful android it either turns on me or becomes a pacifist! Who is responsible for all this?!'

* * *

Mr Popo smiled.

* * *

Murasaki was stunned. Stunned by the answer. He'd threatened him with the loss of his life, and still Eight wouldn't listen. Eight had been programmed to destroy, programmed to fight kill and die. So why wasn't he doing as he had been programmed?! 'You… you ingrate!'

Kakarot smiled despite himself. He liked this Android.

 _'Faithless hunk of metal!'_ roared White _'What a disgrace! A technological failure! Murasaki, I want you to destroy that worthless hunk of metal immediately!'_

'Yes General White!' cried Murasaki, before rushing forward. He bumped into Eight, and stepped back. 'Hey, back off you fool!' Then he raced a ways away from Eight and raised the remote. 'You asked for it! Prepare for your last blast!'

'No! Don't!' cried Kakarot. 'He's no threat to anyone!'

'Thats the problem!' cried Murasaki 'Bombs away!'

'No! I won't let you!' Cried Kakarot as Murasaki raised the remote. Then all of a sudden Kakarot was there with his power pole! He knocked the remote from Murasaki's hand, and it landed on the ground. Bringing down one foot he crushed it beneath his shoe.

Then he glared at Murasaki, who trembled. 'My controller!' The ninja cried. 'You destroyed it!'

'And you're next!' cried Kakarot, before punching him in the face.

Murasaki was sent hurtling back to crash into the wall hard enough to leave a spiderweb of cracks around him. He then slumped to the ground, senseless.

'Serves him right.' said Kakarot.

 _'No! Another defeat!'_ cried White _'Can't anyone stop these kids?!'_

Kakarot got up on the railing and made his way back to Eight, balancing upon it while humming to himself merrily. Eight looked deeply touched as he approached. 'Thank you for helping me.' said Eight. 'Friend.'

'No problem,' said Kakarot 'but you could have knocked him out by yourself you know.'

'No,' said Eight 'thats… mean.'

'So is trying to blow someone else up.' said Kakarot 'If nobody does mean things to people who are mean then mean people will continue to be mean.'

'But what if mean people only do mean things because others did mean things to them?' asked Eight in turn.

'No silly,' said Kakarot 'mean people do mean things because they are mean. Not because other people were mean to them.'

'But doesn't that mean that being mean to mean people makes you mean?' shot back Eight.

'Of course not,' said Kakarot 'there is a difference between being mean, and being a mean person.'

There was a long silence as they stood there. Finally Eight looked down. 'I'm just scared.'

'Why do you have to be scared?' asked Kakarot 'You look pretty strong to me.'

'Whats… your name?' asked Eight suddenly.

'I'm Kakarot,' said Kakarot 'whats yours?'

'Oh my name?' he asked 'They call me Android Number Eight.'

'Doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it?' asked Kakarot. 'Kind of weird too.'

'Kakarot,' said Eight 'don't you want to find the old man?'

'Oh I almost forgot,' said Kakarot, leaping off the railing. 'I guess I'd better get moving. Otherwise Yamcha will get all the glory.' He raced off, before halting and glancing back. 'Bye, good luck!' And he raced up the stairs.

* * *

Meanwhile Bulma and Launch made their way up into the forest and found Murasaki lying senseless against one of the walls. Bulma kneeled by him and checked his pulse. He was cut, bruised, and badly beaten, and his face was sporting a heavy red mark. 'Still breathing, but man did Yamcha do a number on this guy.'

'Lets see if we can't catch up before he steals all the fun.' said Launch.

They raced up the stairs, and suddenly came to a halt before a mysterious creature, who towered over them. Launch raised a hand in front of Bulma. 'Alright Bulma, stand back! This creep is- ah, ah, achoo!' She changed forms to her blue haired self. 'Oh I'm sorry where are we right now? The last thing I remember was I was being menaced by a giant robot and… eeek!'

She trembled before the creature, who looked in concern. 'Please, do not be afraid.' said the creature. 'I am Android Eight and I mean you no harm.'

'You don't?' asked Bulma 'Then what are you doing down here?'

'The Red Ribbon Army created me to destroy its enemies.' said Android Eight 'However I have chosen not to. Are you friends of Kakarot?'

'Kakarot?' asked Blue Launch 'You've met him?'

'Yes,' said Eight 'he was a really nice guy.'

Bulma blinked. 'Are you sure we're talking about the same Kakarot here?'

'There could be two of them,' mused Launch 'and I don't think the word 'nice' really applies to Kakarot.'

'He was very nice.' said Eight 'He saved me from being destroyed by Murasaki.'

'Right,' said Bulma 'so did a guy called Yamcha come through here? Really handsome and dashing, black trench coat?'

'Yes,' said Eight 'him and a blue floating cat came through here. They were concerned about a bomb that was supposed to go off.'

'Well we'd better go catch up with them.' said Bulma 'What do you say, Launch?'

'…Why are you asking me?' asked Blue Launch.

'Well I kind of figured you had an opinion.' said Bulma.

'Oh I don't have opinions,' said Blue Launch 'I prefer to drift through life, go with the flow and be a nice person. My other self is the one with all the assertiveness.'

'Well excuse me for trying to include you in the decision making process.' said Bulma 'Lets go.'

'I think I'll come with you.' said Eight.

'Sure,' said Bulma 'the more the merrier.'

As they walked up the stairs, Blue Launch continued to speak. 'I mean if I had even an ounce of assertiveness, I would probably have checked myself into a lunatic asylum years ago. Maybe I should do that? My blonde self seems to be getting more violent.'

'You probably should have thought of that before you got superhuman strength.' reflected Bulma as they scaled the steps.

* * *

General White made a call.

'Attention all soldiers! All soldiers! The enemy has overcome the third floor guards! Be on alert for combat orders!'

No one answered. However the guards on the first level currently riddled with bullets groaned a little. Finally some of them arose, grabbed their guns again and rushed up, bruises and all.

* * *

Kakarot saw walls. Lots and lots of walls. So many walls in every direction and shape that it was nigh impossible to see anything else. He had wandered into a maze. 'Hmm, what are all these walls for?'

'I am so sick of this!' roared Yamcha's voice.

'Oh hey its Yamcha!' said Kakarot 'I'll go see what he knows!' He followed the direction of the voice, and found Yamcha and Puar leaning up against a wall in exhaustion. 'Hey guys, whats up?'

'Oh hey Kakarot,' said Yamcha in exhaustion. 'we were just discussing how to get out of this maze.'

'Its impossible…' said Puar.

'No its not impossible,' said Kakarot 'I got through here no problem.'

They looked up at him. 'How?'

'…I can't remember,' said Kakarot with a laugh. 'I kind of fell and hit my head. But I remember I came back this way last time. Come on, I'll show you the way I came down.'

They stood up, and he led them through the winding halls until they came to a dead end. Kakarot blinked in surprise. 'Well this doesn't seem right. I know I came through here. Maybe we should try another passage.'

He led them round the corner, and came to yet another dead end. Yamcha slumped. 'Its hopeless…' he said.

'Oh now I remember how I got through!' said Kakarot 'I just blew up all the wall! Let me do that again. Kaa…mee…haa…mee…HAA!'

There was an explosion of white light against one of the wall, and then…

The wall was still there with a moderate burn.

'Huh?' said Kakarot 'I guess they replaced them with something tougher than I could blow up. Thats awfully clever.'

'Kakarot, just how hard did you hit your head?' asked Yamcha.

'Well first I shot in the head with an armor piercing elephant gun.' said Kakarot 'That knocked me unconscious, and there must have been a trap door beneath me, because I woke up in a room full of bones. I might have hit my head when I fell.'

'No wonder he's acting so differently.' reflected Puar.

'I feel fine, silly.' said Kakarot.

They continued to try for some time, until suddenly they heard footfalls coming from elsewhere. At that moment Android Eight rounded the corner with Bulma and Blue Launch. Eight approached. 'Need some help, Kakarot?'

'Bulma, Launch!' said Yamcha, rushing forward. 'Did you manage to disarm the bomb?'

'Well no,' said Bulma 'but I did buy us a lot of extra time. The thing was really badly rigged.'

'What about you, did you win your fight?' asked Yamcha.

'Well…' said Launch 'I remember this giant robot attacking me, and then I sneezed again. So I guess so.'

'Right,' said Yamcha 'so who is your friend?'

'Oh thats Android Number Eight,' said Kakarot 'weird name I know. He was built by those Red Ribbon Army guys to fight their battles for them, but he hates violence.' He paused. 'But why are you here?'

'It seems that you are having trouble finding the stairs,' said Eight 'I will guide you to them.'

'You know the way upstairs?' asked Kakarot eagerly.

'I saw the floor plan a long time ago.' said Eight 'Follow me.'

'Thanks a lot,' said Kakarot.

'We owe you one big guy.' said Yamcha.

'But Kakarot already helped me.' said Eight.

As they followed the giant android through the twisting and turning passages, Bulma looked a little weird. 'Hey, does anyone notice how Kakarot seems a little… uh… different.'

'Now that you mention it,' said Blue Launch 'he hasn't made any nasty comments since we met him again.'

'Apparently he hit his head.' said Puar. 'I hope he's okay.'

'I'll bet we could have looked for hours and still not found my way out of here.' reflected Kakarot.

'We did look for hours.' said Yamcha.

Eight led them to a corner. 'I know, it does seem hopeless.' The others began to walk past, and he turned to them. 'No, its this way.'

'Oh right,' said Kakarot.

'Now hang on, Puar and I went down that way before, and it was a dead end.' said Yamcha.

'Do you have a better plan?' asked Bulma.

'…No.' said Yamcha with a sigh.

As they pressed on, Kakarot tailed behind Eight. 'Hey Eighter, is this the fifth floor?'

'No.' said Eight 'We are between the fourth and fifth levels.'

'Doesn't that make it the fifth floor?' deadpanned Kakarot, tone seeming a bit more familiar.

Eight glanced back. 'Hey, why did you call me that name? Eighter?'

'Oh thats just a nickname,' said Kakarot 'Android Number Eight is sort of a lot to say, and Eight is too impersonal.'

'Ah,' said Eight 'Eighter, I like… Eighter, Eighter, Eighter.' As he recited the name to himself with glee, the others trailed behind.

'He's kind of weird.' reflected Kakarot.

'Aw, how sweet.' said Bulma.

'He's adorable.' said Blue Launch.

'What, the Android?' asked Puar.

'No, Kakarot.' said Bulma 'When he's like this, I mean.'

As they pressed in throughout the maze, a profound boredom came over them. The floor was red, the walls were all identical, and though Eighter walked with confidence it did not change the feeling that this path too would lead to a dead end. Suddenly Eighter halted and stooped low, listening to the ground.

'What do you hear?' asked Kakarot.

'Soldiers,' said Eighter 'many soldiers.'

'I'll handle this you guys.' said Bulma 'You guys just go on ahead without me.'

'Right,' said Yamcha 'be careful Bulma.'

'Who are you talking to?' asked Bulma, flipping her hair.

Then she raced back and stood behind a wall as they pressed on.

* * *

A group of Red Ribbon Army soldiers raced up the steps and into the maze. Spreading out, they fanned through the maze, seeking their enemy. As one of them ran, he did not notice a long leg stuck out in his way until he had tripped over it, and slammed into a wall. Bulma stooped and karate chopped him into unconsciousness.

'There she is!' cried a soldier 'There is the menace!'

Bulma quickly raced around the corner, outside of their firing range and waited for them to come round the corner. As two men rounded it, she punched one in the gut, kicked him out of the way, then wrestled the gun from the next one, before knocking him over the head.

A bearded soldier came into view, but Bulma surged at him and dealt him a right hook which sent him slumping to the ground. Picking up his weapon she pointed it at the last soldier before he could raise his own weapon. There was a tense silence as they faced each other down.

'Would anyone else like to pick on this poor lost little girl?' she asked.

The soldier threw down his gun and ran away.

'Didn't think so.' said Bulma. 'You know I never knew fighting could be so much fun.' She looked up. 'Now to catch up with the others.' She saw many, many different possible routes. 'Um… which way did they go again?'

* * *

'Do you think Bulma's okay?' asked Puar in concern.

'I should have gone with her.' said Yamcha 'She's not bullet proof.'

'Don't worry,' said Kakarot 'the forces of destiny wouldn't kill us off at this point. That would just be anticlimactic.'

'I think we should go this way.' said Eighter.

'Alright,' said Kakarot, and he followed his lead…

To another dead end.

'Great,' said Yamcha in despair. 'not even a guy whose read the floor plan can figure this maze out.'

'Thats impossible.' said Eighter 'There was no wall before. I'm sure of it. Lets find another way.' He led them at a run towards another path, circling round. Yet once again they found a dead end. Eighter turned away, then suddenly glanced back and saw something. No one was sure quite what. His eyes widened.

'What is it?' asked Kakarot,

'Quickly,' said Eight 'we should run back to that hall. The last hall.'

Once again they raced off, and once again they came to a dead end. Kakarot sighed. 'There is no use. We're trapped.' Then he looked up. Eighter was gone. 'Hey, where did you go!'

Suddenly the dead end shifted, opening out on a set of stairs to bar another path. Quickly Yamcha, Kakarot, Puar and Launch raced through to the stairs, and found Eighter rushing at the wall. Yet it was closing.

'Hurry up, before it closes on you!' shouted Kakarot.

'You can do it!' cried Yamcha.

In a flying leap, Eighter surged through the closing wall and landed next to them. For a moment they remained silent. Then they all laughed. 'We beat it!' cried Kakarot joyfully. 'We beat the maze!'

'We did!' said Eighter.

* * *

They quickly made their way up a large red staircase, and before long came to a place where the wall had been blown open. Eighter stared. 'The fifth level is just beyond that gap.' He shuddered as he peered into it.

'Don't you mean the sixth level?' asked Kakarot.

'No,' said Eighter 'the fifth level. But I don't know how it got broken.'

'Oh I blew it to pieces.' said Kakarot 'I got dropped down there last time. Couldn't find a door.'

'There is no door into the fifth floor.' explained Eighter 'A secret room is back there, but I don't know anything about whats inside.'

'Lots of mangled bones.' said Kakarot, voice returning to form.

'Sounds scary.' said Blue Launch.

'We can look at it later.' said Kakarot. 'Lets go.'

Making their way up several more flights of stairs, Eighter came to a door, and pointed to it. 'This is the sixth floor command room. The old villager is being held hostage in here.'

'Well,' said Yamcha 'lets do this!'

They raced up the stairs, flung open the doors and raced in. Within they saw a white haired man, sitting in a chair. Kakarot approached. 'You there, old woman! Are you General White!'

White rose up in his chair, letting the insult pass. 'I am surprised you made it. I am impressed. You are fierce rivals. I would like you to join my army.' And he offered him a hand. A long silence filled the room.

Then Kakarot burst out laughing hysterically, hitting the floor with his hands as he keeled over. Tears fell from his eyes, as he trembled with humor.

White blinked. 'I was quite serious.'

'Like we said before,' said Kakarot, wiping a tear from his eye as he rose up, an unpleasant smile on his face. 'thats what makes it so funny. I'm stronger than your entire army put together. You couldn't possibly hope to force me to do anything.

But I'll humor you. What could you possibly offer me?'

'The Red Ribbon Army is one of the richest criminal syndicates on the planet.' said White 'We pay our valued members well. In time you could become very rich for doing what you do best.'

'Cute,' said Kakarot 'I guess money is all you can offer, now that we've thrashed your elites. I'll level with you, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy combat, fighting worthy opponents, getting stronger, adding new women to my future harem.

You want to know what all those things have in common? Their cheap.'

A chill came over the group as they looked at Kakarot. Eighter looked a little afraid by the change which had come over his friend, who now seemed terribly savage. Then it passed, and he was more like he had been. 'Plus, I don't want to be directly associated with the Red Ribbon Army. You guys are a joke!'

White narrowed his eyes. 'Very well, and what about the rest of you?'

'Ain't gonna happen.' said Yamcha.

'I stick with Yamcha.' said Puar.

'Um… I don't like guns.' said Blue Launch 'I prefer to think of pleasant things like baking cookies and the laughter of children. And I think my other self wants you dead, so I don't think I'd be working for you very long.'

'General White, sir,' said Eighter 'please put an end to your evil ways.'

'Ah,' said White 'the dirty traitor speaks out. Well you still have a tongue, but your guts are gone.'

'Thats… not true.' said Eighter.

'Who brought you to life?' asked White 'Tell me?' Eighter's eyes widened, and he looked torn. White continued. 'Remind me, who was it who built you painstakingly piece by piece? Who gave you this body?' Anger showed through White's facade. 'Tell me who it was! Tell me!'

Eighter looked down in shame. 'Sir, it was you. General White, and the Red Ribbon Army.'

'Now is your last chance, Eight.' said White 'You can still destroy the kid. For me. For the army.'

They looked to Eighter, who remained utterly silent as he stood there. Thinking and thinking without end. Finally he looked up.

* * *

Eighter had been commissioned by General White, and built by the scientists of the Red Ribbon Army. They were the reason he existed, the beings that had breathed life into him. Didn't that make him indebted to them? Didn't he owe them his loyalty?

Yet… weren't there powers greater than the Red Ribbon Army. Ones who had created the very metal which had been used to create him. Beings who had seen the universe rise and fall a thousand times.

Then something greater than he was, touched his mind with theirs. And Eighter knew what he had to do. 'I just cannot do it. I won't be a part of your bad deeds.' He stepped forward. 'I beg of you, these people are very strong. Please surrender. Its the only thing that you can do.'

White chuckled. Kakarot stepped forward. 'I think I'm done. As entertaining as it has been making a complete mockery of your supposed army, I find there is no more entertainment to be had here. Surrender or die, its your choice.'

'I think it is you who should be surrendering.' said White, before pressing a button.

The trap door opened up beneath them and they screamed as everyone fell down into the depths of the darkness.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Here is the chapter, a bit late. I actually deliberately delayed releasing this chapter, I'm not sure why. There were other things I needed to work on. The decision to make it so that Kakarot was pure of heart originally is one I made after considering my options. Kakarot has almost no development in Bardock the Father of Goku, but I've heard that in supplementary materials his Mother is apparently in possession of a gentle personality.

I don't know about that, but in my experience babies generally aren't all that violent. Certainly a tendency to bite the hand that feeds them, as Kakarot was doing, would likely be weeded out by natural selection. So I'm going to assume that it was Kakarot's programming that was doing the talking during his initial interactions with Gohan.

I think we're going to enter a period where I don't update as often as usual. I simply can't do all my projects and keep up with a one update a day schedule.

 **EDIT:**

I'd just like to take a moment to apologize for the poor shape this chapter was in when I posted it. It was late at night when I finished it, and I had a devil of a time getting it onto fan fiction dot net due to glitches. As a result I didn't do a very good job editing. I've fixed the major mistakes now, added a few lines. We're good. Enjoy!


	38. The Fall of Muscle Tower

**Chapter Thirty Eight: The Fall of Muscle Tower**

Bulma sped up the stairs, looking for her friends. After a bit of wandering she had managed to find a way out, and even now was scaling up it. Such was her haste that she passed by the hole in the wall around the same point that Kakarot and the others were falling through it. Speeding her way up the rest of the steps, she found a door and opened it before entering into the room.

There she found a man in a yellow sweater waiting for her. He had white hair, and sideburns and was very bulky. 'So you've finally arrived, have you?' he asked 'Bulma Briefs, I have orders to take you alive. Your friends will make for a tasty snack for my pet, but you the Red Ribbon Army has plans for.'

'Oh yeah!' said Bulma 'Well Kakarot and Yamcha are way stronger than you!'

'Brave words,' said the man 'I am General White, and it will be my pleasure to beat you senseless.' Dragging off his sweater, he revealed that he was wearing a black spandex top that showed off his bulging muscles.

Bulma took a stance, and then White was coming at her. She barely moved aside from his punch, and his next blow caught her in the gut. Bulma staggered back, then swung a kick at him, but he caught it, and flung her by the leg against the console. She landed hard, the wind being knocked out of her, and pulled herself gradually up.

'Ready to give up yet?' asked White.

'I'm ready to kick your butt so hard you'll be seeing triple for a weak, you jerk!' cried Bulma, hauling off her arm bands, and pulling off her training vest. Since her fight with silver, she had made it so that the vest was on the outside of her clothes. 'Lets go!'

She lunged forward and unleashed a flurry of punches which White kept up with easily, before a counterattack nearly caught her in the face. Bulma stooped low and kicked his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to the floor.

As he landed she arose and slammed one foot down on his chest. 'Ready to give up yet, pal?' she asked.

'I see how you handled Silver so easily.' White said with a grin. 'However…' He removed a gun from his belt and shot her in the leg. Agony shot through her as she screamed, falling back to land with a crash on the ground. Pulling herself away, she grabbed her leg, tears coming to her eyes as she whimpered. The pain was horrible.

White stood up, gun trailed on her. 'Well looks like the poor little girl broke a nail.' Pressing a button on the console he opened a channel. 'Soldiers, get in here. We have a prisoner in need of our hospitality.'

Bulma tried to stand, but the pain was too great.

Soldiers rushed into the room, guns readied and grabbed her by the arms as one brought out a medical kit. He stooped low. 'Sir, there doesn't appear to be a bullet hole. Just a really horrible bruise.'

'Well treat that, then.' said White 'But first show her to her new home.'

'Kakarot will make you pay for this…' said Bulma through the pain as she blinked away tears.

Her words fell on deaf ears.

* * *

They all landed with a crash. All save Kakarot, who landed easily on his hands and feet at a crouch. At that moment Eighter landed on top of Kakarot, who was slammed against the floor had. Eighter swiftly got off him.

'Oh no,' cried the Android 'he's crushed!'

'Don't worry,' said Launch 'Kakarot is a lot tougher than he seems.'

Kakarot arose, clutching his head painfully as they looked around. Eighter breathed in in shock. 'The fifth floor…'

'Hey Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'why didn't you tell us we were standing on the trap door you fell through?'

'Hey I got shot in the head with some kind of miniature anti tank gun!' snapped Kakarot 'You'll forgive me if the location of the trap door I fell through while unconscious eluded me!'

'Thats fair,' said Puar. 'but how are we going to get out of here.'

'This is the fifth level.' pronounced Eighter.

'Excellent,' said Kakarot 'lets just walk out through the hole I blew in the wall before.'

There was a long silence as everyone contemplated that.

'Well that was anticlimactic.' said Yamcha 'Kind of refreshing to solve something with no problem for once.'

'Refreshing?' asked Kakarot 'We've been doing that since the World Martial Arts Tournament.' He walked towards the hole. 'Now lets go before-'

Quite abruptly a white wall was slammed up against the gap, and the sound of power tools echoed. Kakarot waited a moment, then sighed. 'Kamehameha.'

His wave was thrust against the wall and it shuddered for a moment, before the wave was spent. It was burned away, and the others came up behind him, as they all looked at it.

'Huh,' said Yamcha 'I guess it kamehameha proof.'

'No its not,' said Kakarot 'we just need to put more power into it. Yamcha, have you learned the kamehameha wave yet?'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I mean I'm not an expert, but I think I can do it.'

'Right,' said Kakarot 'Launch, Yamcha, kamehameha. Eighter, you stand there and look terrified.'

'Um… isn't this something my blonde self should be doing?' asked Blue Launch.

'You went through the same training she did.' said Kakarot 'So, no. You are just as qualified.'

'Okay…' said Launch, and they all took stances.

'Kaaa…' They cupped their hands.

'Meee…' They gathered their energy.

'Haaa…' A blue light appeared within their grasp.

'Meee…' The light grew.

'HAAA…' The light was unleashed.

The wall was blown apart, and the wave continued on to smash into the far wall. It burned through that, breaking through masonry and mortar before finally going out the other side. They stared out through to the outside, where darkness had begun to gather. A chill breeze blew in, sending their trench coats flowing around them. Well sending Launch and Yamcha's trench coats flowing around them.

'That was kind of overkill.' reflected Kakarot after a moment.

'The place is gonna blow in two hours anyway.' muttered Yamcha. 'Lets just get moving.'

They all left the room and began making their way up the stairs. By this point White had just shot Bulma in the leg.

Once Bulma Briefs had been safely locked away, General White walked to the edge of the trap door he had opened. He had given the order that the hole be patched, and to his satisfaction it had been reported done just in time. The material that had been used to patch the wall had proven able to block the kids strange abilities. So they weren't going anywhere.

He laughed evilly. 'Glad you could drop by, now listen carefully fools…' He halted as he realized that no one was down there.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around. His eyes became as large as saucepans by what he saw.

'Hi.' said Yamcha.

And then General White saw only Yamcha's fist, and was sent crashing against the far window. He bounced off and landed on his hands and knees, wiping blood from his mouth. 'You… your cheating!' he roared at last.

'You started it.' said Kakarot.

'No I did not!' cried White 'I set up an elaborate series of death traps for would be heroes to enjoy as they made a futile attempt to rescue their chief! Your supposed to rush in blindly, and fall into every snare and trap! Not circumvent the adventure I've prepared out of spite! Thats what all the other would be heroes did!'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'right before they were reduced to a pile of bones.'

'Come to think of it,' said Kakarot 'Murasaki said that no one had ever gotten past Major Metallatron. So how can there be any bones down there?'

'Well some of them are lifestock which I feed my pet.' said White as he stood. 'As for the human ones, Major Metallatron is a recent addition to our little obstacle course. Once he was added in, nobody made it to Buyon.'

'Wait, who or what is Buyon?' asked Yamcha.

'Oh nothing,' said White 'just my ace in the hole. My ultimately powerful monster which would have reduced you to a tiny pile of chicken bones if you'd only had the guts to fight it.'

'Sounds scary.' said Puar.

'It was!' snapped White.

'Hmm,' said Kakarot 'you know if I'd known there was a monster while I was back down in the pit, I'd probably have stuck around to fight it.'

'Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'don't tell me your actually buying into this?'

'Of course not!' snapped Kakarot 'What kind of brain dead pointy haired moron would give up a perfect chance for victory just to fight a strong opponent. I'm not and idiot Yamcha.'

'Yeah,' laughed Yamcha 'it would be kind of uncharacteristically stupid of you.'

'Agreed,' said Kakarot 'now lets kill this guy.'

'No Kakarot,' said Eighter 'there is no need for that.'

'Alright, fine,' said Kakarot in resignation. 'General White, I am giving you a chance to surrender. Failure to comply will result in your immediate and unceremonious termination. Give me the village chief.'

'You didn't say please.' said White mockingly.

Kakarot narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth before advancing on White, thoughts of murder coursing through his mind. White took several steps back, obviously intimidated. 'Please,' said Kakarot 'give me back the village chief before I tear out your insides and use them to decorate the dish on top of this tower!'

White reached the back of the wall, trembling.

Kami implored White to see reason, to surrender and go into hiding. He played upon his conscience, he called upon his sense of self preservation. He mustered his sense of goodwill.

He told White to stay to course, to seek a way of victory, and go through with his plans. He called upon his contempt, and reminded him that General Red did not tolerate failure. Lastly he mustered his anger at the defeats so far.

White made his decision.

'Not if you got on your knees and begged!' cried White.

'Wrong answer,' said Kakarot, 'now prepare to die!'

'Violence isn't the answer!' cried Eighter as he suddenly took a place before them. 'We must talk through our problems. We are men, not monsters.'

'Shut up.' said White, before grabbing his sweater from the desk and hurling it onto Eighters face. The Android groaned and stepped back several paces, before falling down to land with a crash.

Kakarot found himself suddenly feeling once more as he had after he'd hit his head, and his bloodlust fell from his mind as he kneeled by Eighter. 'Are you okay?'

'Heh,' said White 'weak simpleton.'

'Can you hear me Eighter?' asked Kakarot.

'Mmmhmm,' said Eighter. 'please don't fight.'

'Its okay,' said Kakarot 'it'll be alright. People like him can't be reasoned with.' His voice hardened. 'Sometimes you just have to put the animals down.' He stood up and approached White, standing before him.

White unleashed a flurry of punches, but Kakarot dodged them effortlessly, before tapping one foot against the mans leg. White clutched it, jumping up and down painfully as Kakarot watched. Eighter arose and looked on in concern.

'Problem?' asked Kakarot.

'You think thats funny?!' snapped White.

'Its hilarious.' said Kakarot.

'Look!' cried White, pointing away.

Kakarot rolled his eyes. 'Oh please, as if I'd fall for such a simple-'

While he wasn't looking at White, the General punched him in the face. Surprisingly, it hurt. A little, sort of like a bee sting, except not really as significant.

'Take that.' said White in satisfaction.

Kakarot looked up and smiled at him. 'My turn.' Then he punched him lightly.

White was sent flying to crash against the ceiling, before falling onto the table and then back to land with a crash on the ground. As he lay senseless, Eighter looked on in concern.

'Now, would you like to reconsider your previous refusal?' asked Kakarot, examining his knuckles. 'Or do I have to punt you around a little more.' White arose, looking terrified, and Kakarot looked to Eighter, wondering if the Android had something to say.

Then White leaped at him from behind. Kakarot glanced back, and then felt pain! He could hardly think, an unbearable weariness fell over him. White had grabbed his tail, and his whole body stiffened. He was unable to move. Unable to act, Kakarot was lifted off the ground by White.

'I have caught the little lamb, by its little tail.'

'Show mercy, please.' said Eighter.

'Stop talking!' cried White. 'I would worry about your own fate if I were you!'

'Kakarot…' said Eighter.

White spun him round in circles repeatedly by his tail, and the pain was horrible.

'Let him go, General!' cried Eighter 'Let him go!'before hurling him against the wall. It hurt a little and he landed with a crash as feeling began to return to his body. Eighter loomed over him in concern. 'Kakarot, Kakarot say something!'

'Heh,' said White 'I really love kids. They break so easily.'

'I feel kind of sorry for White.' said Puar 'I mean Kakarot hasn't been taking this seriously until now.'

'He is not going to be happy when he gets up.' reflected Yamcha, arms crossed.

'What is this, a spectator sport?!' cried White 'Shut up and wait your turn.'

Kakarot got up, slowly and deliberately and there was something terrible in his eyes. Eighter stared down at him.

'Don't get up,' cried Eighter 'please stay down-'

'Silence.' hissed Kakarot. 'We've been doing things your way for long enough.' A darkness seemed to cloud over his heart. Suddenly his friends seemed very distant, the innocence and purity which had driven him to hold back were gone now.

He was going to kill General White. And the General must have realized it if his expression was any indication.

'No Kakarot,' cried Eighter 'don't kill him!'

Kakarot surged forward and punched the fool in the gut as hard as he possibly could without killing him. He didn't just want him dead, he wanted him to suffer. He struck him across the face repeatedly, kicked him in the chest and sent him crashing against the control panel.

'You know,' said Kakarot as he moved forward. 'any fool can beat someone to death. But to beat a man within a hairs breath of his life? That takes true skill. I think I'll practice on you.' He raised a hand to begin, yet Eighter caught him by the hand. Kakarot looked up, feeling as if he had been submerged in deep water and only just been pulled onto dry land.

'You've won,' said Eighter 'its over.'

'Not yet its not.' snapped Kakarot 'I want this bastard dead.' He turned his gaze on him. 'Look at this fool, remember the bones in that room we saw. How people have died because of him, Eighter? How many more will die if we let him go.'

'Maybe,' said Eighter 'but if you give into your anger, you'll be no different than he is.' Kakarot paused, and looked at Eighter whose gaze was terrified. 'Kakarot, you are better than that.'

Kakarot lowered his gaze, feeling… was this shame? 'Fine, he probably isn't all that much of a threat anymore without his minions. Lets be honest, even if by some miracle he'd incapacitated me, Yamcha would take him out in seconds.' He glanced to White. 'You aren't worth the blood on my fist.' He paused. 'Oh by the way Eighter, you are a good person.'

White in the meantime began to crawl away. However as he did so, Yamcha stepped in front of him. White halted and looked up fearfully as a sword blade was put to his throat. 'Please…' he said.

'Bring us to the village chief.' said Yamcha.

White arose. 'Of course. I accept defeat. I will release the village chief.'

'Finally,' said Kakarot 'do you have any idea how much pain and time you could have saved yourself if you'd just cooperated from the start.'

'Follow me.' said White, leading them to a door.

'Oh this is wonderful,' said Launch 'I'm sure the village chief will be overjoyed to leave this place and go home.'

'I just hope the bomb doesn't go off.' reflected Puar 'Hey, where is Bulma?'

'Erm…' began White 'we captured her while you were in the pit. She is in the same cell.' He pressed a button, and the door slid open to reveal an old man listening at the door. On the far wall, Bulma was leaning near the window and tapping her foot.

'Told you so.' said Bulma 'What took you guys so long?'

'Somebody wanted me to not just murder White.' said Kakarot 'Did you get beat up by this guy?'

'Hey give me a break!' snapped Bulma 'I'm not bullet proof like you!'

'He shot you!' said Yamcha.

'Yeah,' said Bulma, raising one pant leg to show her bandage. 'its fine I can still walk.'

'Get out both of you.' said White 'You are free to go.'

'We're free?' cried the village chief. 'To leave?! Really?!' He looked around, as if scarcely able to believe it. He moved forward. 'Are you the ones responsible for this?'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'we are a band of warriors who right wrongs, and slay evildoers. For now at least, its kind of a transition phase. We're her on behalf of the maiden Suno to rescue you. The guy in the trench coat is Yamcha, the blue haired girl is launch, you already know Bulma, and the little cat is Puar.'

'You came to rescue me?' said the village chief. 'You mean I can finally leave this crazy place?!'

'Yes.' said Kakarot.

Bulma walked past the chief and kissed Yamcha on the lips. 'My hero…'

'Well… I couldn't just leave you,' said Yamcha, blushing.

'Oh come on!' said Kakarot 'I'm the one who fought White! And we didn't even know you were imprisoned until after we'd beaten white. This does not qualify as a rescue romance!'

'I'm going home!' cried the village chief, grabbing Kakarot's hands. 'I'm really going home!'

'Unhand me.' said Kakarot in deadpan.

'So… you children defeated the General all by yourselves.'

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'its pretty average work for us, actually.' He motioned to Eighter. 'This is eighter, he helped me save you too.'

Eighter grinned and flashed a victory sign.

The village chief's eyes widened in horror for a moment before he flashed a victory sign back to him. 'Th-thank you…' he said.

'You need not concern yourself with the Red Ribbon Army.' continued Kakarot 'We pretty much cruised through everything this guy had. Though I think he was actually the easiest fight we ran into. Well, not counting the guys with guns.'

'Thank you.' said the village chief.

'Well,' said Kakarot 'I suppose we ought to get underway before the bomb goes off.'

'Bomb?' asked the chief, blinking.

'Tick, tock, tick, tock…' said Kakarot meaningfully.

'Right,' said the chief quickly. 'let me just get my cocoa, I mean my coat.' He walked off.

'Finally,' said Eighter as the village chief returned. 'we can laugh again.'

At that moment White drew out the gun he had shot Kakarot with and put it to the elders head, gripping him with one arm. 'Don't anyone move a single muscle! Or the old man gets it!'

'Now can we kill him?' asked Kakarot.

'Be my guest.' said Yamcha.

'Go nuts, kid.' said Bulma.

'He deserves it.' said Puar.

'Well you did give him every chance to back out.' reflected Blue Launch.

'Go right ahead,' said White 'and as soon as you lunge at me, my trigger finger will blow this senile old fools brains out. Now this is whats going to happen, we are going to leave nice and slow. Don't try to follow.'

'Let me go!' cried the village chief.

White moved on past the cell door, still clutching the gun as Kakarot watched, unimpressed. 'Don't try anything heroic and he'll be just fine. His life in in your hands.'

'You are only making your inevitable beating all the worse.' said Kakarot.

'Please… general…' said Eighter.

White laughed to himself repeatedly as he backed toward the window. 'Watch me leave, or watch him die. Its your choice.' And he continued laughing. 'So whats it going to be, loser boy? You do understand what dead means, right? Take one more step, and its curtains for granpa.'

'Kill him!' cried the village chief. 'Kill him! Tear him apart! Tear him apart limb from limb!'

There was a long silence as Kakarot blinked, impressed and White looked afraid.

'Do it now boy!' cried the village chief. 'Rip out his still beating heart and grind his bones into dust! Think about the village! Don't worry about me, I'm not afraid to die!'

'Okay.' said Kakarot, before cupping his hands together.

'This isn't a joke!' cried White 'I'll open up his face with bullets!'

'Of course you will,' said Kakarot 'but I respect his desire to free his village, even at the cost of his own life.'

'No need to be hasty,' said the village chief 'lets explore out options.'

'Sorry old man,' said Kakarot, a shark like smile coming to his face. 'no take backs. Even though your courage has momentarily failed you, I will do what you know to be necessary to free your village. Your making a noble sacrifice. Kaa…'

'Wait a minute!' said White 'The old man doesn't want to die! You said you'd respect his wish!'

'mee…'

'Kakarot don't!' cried Yamcha.

'Don't do it!' cried Eighter.

'haa…'

'Kakarot,' said Blue Launch 'I think you should calm down.'

'I don't wanna die!' cried the village chief.

'mee…'

'Kakarot, if you kill the old man we will have spent like, a day in this stupid tower for nothing.' said Bulma with closed eyes of resignation.

That got Kakarot's attention. He seemed to ponder the matter for a moment. 'Eh, I think I still want to kill General White. Now where was I?'

'I think you were on kaa.' said Puar.

'But I thought he was on me.' said Blue Launch.

'I'll get on you later.' said Kakarot. 'I'll just start over.'

'Please General,' said Eighter 'spare him! Save both your lives.!'

'Spare me!' cried General White 'I give you a place in this army, and now I find out my destroyers a daisy! Your pleas of compassion make me sick!'

'Kaa…'

'White,' said Puar 'I really don't think Kakarots bluffing.'

'You do gooder types are all alike!' snapped White 'He'd never come all this way just to kill the one he came to save!'

'mee…'

'You really should quit while your behind, White.' said Bulma.

'Never!' cried White, before turning to Eighter. 'You are a traitor, and you will pay for your betrayal soon enough.' Then he smiled. 'Actually, there is another way. If you join my side, I promise to set the old man free.'

'Really?' asked Eighter, expression changing to childlike delight. 'You would do that?'

'haa…'

'Yes,' said White 'all you have to do is kill the boy.'

Eighter stared in horror.

'mee…'

'Kakarot,' said Bulma, kneeling down by him and wrapping her arms round him. 'that pose makes you look absolutely sexy.'

Kakarot halted in place, a blush coming to his face, before Bulma arose and walked away. 'Great, now I have to start again! Kaa…'

'I know its difficult,' said White 'so I will give you a chance. One of these two will die tonight. Will it be the boy, or will it be the old man.'

'mee…'

'Thats real classy Bulma.' said Yamcha.

'Oh come on!' said Bulma 'He was about to kill the chief!'

'I personally am not complaining!' cried the chief.

'Please, don't make me do this.' said Eighter, turning from Kakarot to White repeatedly.

'haa…'

'You could have tried tackling him, or say, not cheating on me while I'm not in the same room!'

'You could have tackled him! At least I did something!' snapped Bulma.

'He's twelve years old.' said Puar.

'I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself!' said White 'Now do as your told and be silent!'

'mee…'

'Well he doesn't act like a twelve year old at all!' snapped Bulma 'Honestly white kind of twelve year old goes around trying to create a harem!'

'Apparently the kind your into!' snapped Yamcha.

Eighter stepped back in horror. 'No, this… this isn't fair!'

'Hang on, are you guys breaking up?' asked Kakarot suddenly.

'We're considering it.' snapped Yamcha.

'Wow,' said Kakarot 'threatening hostages really does help with ones love life.'

'I don't think thats a very family friendly aesop for this episode.' said Blue Launch.

'Can we focus?!' snapped Bulma.

Eighter clutched his head and fell to his knees.

* * *

Eighter had been programmed to destroy. He had been programmed to enjoy violence. He had been programmed to be everything that General White had wanted him to be. And yet one day, when he had looked in a reflective surface and thought: Thats me. Everything changed.

Suddenly he could choose to deny his programming, and as he observed events play out before him, unheeded, he had been left to make his own judgements. He did not want to kill. He didn't want anyone to end up killing anyone else. But General White was leaving no alternatives.

If he did not kill Kakarot, the old man would die. If he obeyed General White, Kakarot would die. If he attacked Kakarot, and was defeated or threw the fight, Kakarot would kill both General White and the village elder.

This wasn't fair. No one should have had to make this kind of choice:

 _'It is true,'_ said a voice _'that life is rarely fair. You cannot make choices for others only for yourself.'_

 _'But… but…'_ Eighter thought. _'no matter what choice I make, someone will die.'_

 _'Death is not the end. And that is by no means certain. However you must make a choice here, Eighter. And that choice may determine the lives of many. You know what General White means to do once he gets the dragonball.'_

 _'I know what I must do, but… but I don't want anyone to get hurt. Even General White.'_

 _'We are past the point where that is a probable outcome. All you can do at this stage, is act as you know is right. I've tried to reach White, just as you have tried. He has hardened his heart against all mercy, all good. He does not embrace wickedness, but neither does he care the effect his actions have on others._

 _He must be stopped.'_

Then he heard their voices.

* * *

'Eighter, are you alright?' asked Kakarot.

'Eight,' snapped White 'you know I'm not a patient man! Choose now or I will kill them both!'

Eighter arose, more afraid than he ever had been in his life, but resolved. 'I will not help you.' said Eighter 'Let the old man go. Think of your soul. And look at these people. If you kill the old man, they will kill you. If you let him go, I promise you, we won't hurt you.'

General White remained silent for a long long time. Suddenly the elder bit his hand, and White recoiled. The elder was free, and running from him! White raised his gun and fired!

Yamcha leaped in the way, and was hit in the forehead, sent reeling back to land with a crash.

'You bastard!' roared Kakarot before surging forward.

White turned his gun and fired again, and Kakarot hit the ground and lay still.

'Stupid little brats!' said White in triumph. 'Their far too soft hearted!'

A rage suddenly came over Eighter, a rage like nothing he had ever felt. His anger was all consuming as he advanced upon White. A low growl emanated from his mouth as he cast a shadow over the General, who flinched back. Finally White threw aside the village chief and pointed his gun at Eighter.

'You want me?!' he cried 'Well come and get me! Come on, I'm not scared of you you stupid freak!' Yet his expression as Eighter came closer told a different story.

'Your not going to cause any more pain, General!' snarled Eighter.

'Stop!' cried White 'You get away from me! Don't touch me, stay back!' He pulled the trigger, but his gun clicked empty.

'Its your turn to suffer!' roared Eighter 'And this ones for Kakarot and Yamcha!' He swung his fist and punched the General.

General White went flying. He smashed straight through the bullet proof glass, and stonework, leaving a human shaped hole behind him as he flew away into the distance. As he did so the sun rose high over the mountains, and the welcome light of day came over them.

Eighter turned around and rushed over to Kakarot, who was being held by the village chief. 'Kakarot, Kakarot please don't leave me!'

'Come on boy,' said the village chief. 'try and snap out of it.'

'Don't worry,' said Bulma 'White shot me in the leg, and it only gave me a bit of a bruise. Yamcha and Kakarot are way tougher than I am.'

'Oh man!' said Blonde Launch 'This is one of those archaic armor piercing guns! They took it off the market because it was deemed too inhumane! I've wanted one of these for years!' She spun it round and sheathed it.

'I'm fine,' said Kakarot 'I'm just a little tired.'

'Your alive!' cried Eighter.

'Are you okay Yamcha?' asked Kakarot.

'Ow…' whined Yamcha 'I feel like I just got hit with my own wolf fang fist.'

'Yeah, well your the one who broke up with me, so don't expect sympathy!' snapped Bulma.

'No…' said Kakarot 'your wolf fang has about twice as much power. I mean assuming that it scaled with your previous levels of it. Because it hurt way worse than this. Hey, Eighter, are you alright?'

'I'm fine, Kakarot.' said Eighter 'I'm an Android. I can't be hurt.'

'Good.' said Kakarot 'I bet General White wishes he could say the same thing.'

Then, as they realized it was well and truly over, they all began to laugh. The laughter started weak, but grew stronger and stronger, until they were all in hysterics.

When the laughter ended, Kakarot spoke. 'Eighter, whats an android?'

'Its a robot that looks human,' said Eighter 'but inside its still a machine.'

'So we're human,' reflected Kakarot 'and your an android. I think I get it, but really its all the same to me. Your just Eighter.'

'Thats the nicest thing anyones ever said to me.' said Eighter.

Suddenly there was a beeping and Bulma looked to her watch. 'Uh… guys…'

'What is it Bulma?'

'We've got one minute and thirty seconds before this whole place blows.'

There was absolute silence.

'RUN!' screamed Bulma.

And they ran. They raced down the steps, and through the maze, and through the ninja garden, as little by little the clock ticked down. They knew that with every second they came nearer and nearer to the end, and they ran as fast as they could.

Finally they reached the place where they had fought Metallatron, where the bomb lay. Running up to the elevator, they found a sign on the controls. 'Out of order!' snapped Bulma 'You've gotta be kidding me!'

'Quick, find the stairs!' said Yamcha.

'We've only got thirty seconds left!' cried Puar from where she was looking at the bomb. 'We'll never make it in time!'

'Oh we're all going to die!' cried the village chief.

'Not on my watch pal!' snapped Launch before racing to the door out and opening it. 'Out onto the battlements, boys and girls!'

'This is your watch, Launch!' roared Bulma as they raced out the door and stood out in the cold. 'Now what?'

'Now we jump!' said Launch.

'Uh…' said the village chief. 'I'm afraid of heights.'

'Five seconds!' cried Bulma.

'Just go!' snapped Yamcha as he grabbed the villlaged chief and made a run for the wall. Everyone else ran with him, and they leaped off the battlements.

Behind them, Muscle Tower exploded into a million pieces, and inferno. The explosion bloomed behind them, as many rocks and debris rushed past their heads. Yet by some miracle they remained untouched, though the fires of Muscle Towers demise singed their clothes as they landed in the snow, and rolled down the hill to land in the drift.

For a moment they just lay there, breathing heavily.

'…I haven't had that much fun in years.' said the village chief.

'Oh shut up,' said Launch 'just shut up!'

The village chief arose, straightening himself out. 'Well, I suppose we should all head back to the village.'

'Can we eat when we get there?' asked Kakarot.

'I don't see why not.' said the chief.

* * *

Meanwhile Suno and her mother had been baking to pass the time, wondering when Kakarot and the others would return. Suno opened the oven and drew out the pan of cookies, taking in the scent as they removed it. Then she had a sudden feeling, and making her way over to the window wiped away the mist that had gathered. A smile came to her face.

'There is somebody here!' she cried 'Mom, look!'

Mother came over to the window and wiped it away, before looking through it. As she did so, Suno remembered her Father, and felt his absence more keenly than she had in years. Yet her sadness faded away as she saw that leading the figures approaching them was Kakarot, and with him was the village chief.

Suno and her mother raced to the door and called out to the figures approaching. 'Hello! Hello there!'

'We're here, we made it!' said the Chief, raising a hand. 'Hello!'

'Its the village chief!' cried Suno 'He's safe! Kakarot must have rescued him! My gosh!'

'I don't recognize the big one next to him.' said Mother.

'Its Kakarot,' said Suno 'he's safe!' She ran towards him, and Kakarot ran towards her with equal energy, laughing. As they approached each other. Kakarot grabbed her in his arms and swung her around, before bringing her in close.

'I told you we'd do it.' said Kakarot, and Suno blushed as she returned the embrace. 'Now I plan to add a lot of people to my harem, so you are going to have to share me.'

'Um… okay.' said Suno, not quite comprehending.

'Now lets go eat!' said Kakarot 'I haven't eaten anything for a whole day!'

'Right,' said Suno. 'I'm glad you all made it back. But uh… I think your supposed to limit yourself to one person. When you get married, I mean.'

He smiled roguishly. 'My Master taught me how to overcome my limits. Among other things.'

Suno's heart skipped a beat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mai and her subordinates trudged through the snows wearily, their heavy coats doing little to ease their suffering. They had spent days moving onward, with no hope in sight until finally they reached the site of Muscle Tower. Or at least, where Muscle Tower used to be.

'Major Mai, here...' she said over he come. 'we've reached the location of the dragonballs.'

'Mai, the dragonballs have moved on!' cried Pilaf 'Get moving and find them at the following coordinates!' Mai did not hear the words as she and her subordinates landed in the snow in exhaustion.

Then the wreckage moved. Mai looked up, as suddenly the debris were swept aside as a gigantic pink beast roared skyward. Mai and her soldiers screamed as it lumbered forward, and reached out with on claw. Mai closed her eyes and waited for the end to come. Yet it didn't. Opening them, she backpetaled, seeing a giant claw in front of her face.

Except it was blue. The entire monster had turned blue. Mai got to her feet, and tapped it with her walkie talkie. Then she brought up he radio: 'Emperor Pilaf, there is something you should see.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well this chapter was a lot of fun to write. This roughly concludes the Muscle Tower arc, though there will be something of an epilogue later. I am waiting for the opportunity to make Kakarot's harem plans crash and burn, but one hasn't presented itself yet.

I enjoyed writing the scene where Kakarot is planning to kill White and the village chief as one, simply because it was such a Kakarot thing to do.

…I can't think of anything else to add.

Oh right, I haven't forgotten about Buyon. I just came up with a really good idea on what to do with him.


	39. The Secret of Dr Flappe

**Chapter 39: The Secret of Dr Flappe**

The sun dawned on a bright new day in Suno's village. A snowman had been made outside, but within the house people paid it no heed, for joy filled every home as they celebrated the safe return of the village chief. Kakarot enjoyed a welcome break from their adventures, by eating a feast which had been set out for them by the grateful villagers. His friends were rooming in some of the other houses.

They eat hungrily, as only those who have recently been in battle can. Kakarot in particular tore through the food with ravenous gluttony.

'My someone is hungry this morning.' said Suno's mother.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'you are an excellent chef.'

'Thank you, young man.'

'Eat all you want,' said the village chef. 'because of you our village is freed from the tyranny of the Red Ribbon Army.'

'In all the commotion,' said Suno's mother 'I forgot to ask you if you ever found that ball you were looking for sweetie?'

'Thats right,' said Suno 'no one ever found the dragonball. They searched everywhere for it, but nothing ever turned up.'

Eighter looked pensive.

'It was probably never here at all.' said the village chief. 'Or so I guess.'

'Wait,' said Eighter as he stood.

'Speak up.' said the village chief.

'Whats wrong, Eighter?' asked Kakarot.

'I would like to know why exactly you are searching for the dragonball.' said Eighter 'Are… are you planning some bad wish.'

'No,' said Kakarot, seeing no reason to disguise the truth. 'see a while back the moon got destroyed in an unfortunate situation. I'm gathering the dragonballs to wish it back.'

'Oh,' said Eighter 'thats good. I just knew you were a good guy.' Kakarot felt a surge of guilt. He had not been entirely honest, and it irked him to misuse Eighter's belief in him.

'Thats a wonderful wish,' said Suno's mother 'we've missed the moon and were wondering why it just disappeared one day.'

'Yes, a worthy plan if ever there was one. A far better wish than those Red Ribbon scoundrels would make.' said the chief. 'But why do you ask, Eighter?'

'I have it with me.' said Eighter, and he drew out the dragonball from his pocket, and set it on the table. It had two stars on it, and Kakarot stared at it.

'The two star ball…' he said, tapping it. 'You found it, Eighter.'

'Are you telling me the Red Ribbon Army had the dragonball the whole time?' asked Suno.

'I found the ball in an ice cave near Muscle Tower.' said Eighter. 'I was planning to give it to General White, but then I found out he was planning to kill all of the villagers once he had recovered it.' There was a horrified silence as everyone stared. 'I couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for something like that. So I kept it hidden.'

The village chief smiled and approached him. 'You, my friend, are a true hero! That cinches it then, your welcome to live in our village!'

'Me?' asked Eighter 'And Kakarot too?'

'Of course.' said the village chief. 'Your both honorary members of this village, you can stay here as long as you want.'

Despite himself, Kakarot was touched. And not for the first time he began to have doubts about destroying this world. He doubted that Eighter would have so quickly given him the ball, had he known the full details of the wish. Even so, it was the result that counted. 'Thank you,' he said 'but I can't stay.'

'Why not?' asked the village chief.

'Well I mean the moon isn't going to restore itself, is it?' asked Kakarot 'And anyway, someone has to make sure those Red Ribbon Army types don't get ahold of the dragonballs. They are persistent, if nothing else.'

'I see.' said the village chief. 'Eighter, you are welcome to live at my house, if you like.'

'Huh?' asked Eighter 'With you.'

'Things seemed to have worked out well.' reflected Kakarot 'Now you will be able to be around people who don't treat you like a tool to destroy. And you'll have a house instead of a cage.'

'Yes…' said Eighter.

'Then its settled.' said the village chief.

'But I'm not really human.' said Eighter.

'I've met people I wouldn't call human.' said the village chief, a certain edge in his tone. 'Its your heart that counts, and you've got a big one.'

Big tears dripped down Eighter's cheek, and he wiped them away. 'Thats nice, your all so kind to me…'

'This is wonderful,' said Suno's Mother 'I know the other villagers will be just as excited as we are.'

'You'll love it here.' said Suno.

'I must go.' said Eighter. There were sounds of disappointment from everyone in the room. 'Thank you, I appreciate the offer. But I can't live with you.'

'Why not?' asked the village chief.

'There is a bomb planted somewhere inside my body.' said Eighter.

A shocked silence ensued. And Kakarot closed his eyes, feeling anger coming to him. 'What he says is true. The Red Ribbon Army planted an explosive in his chest to ensure his obedience.'

'Oh thats unimaginable,' said Suno's Mother.

'There is no way of knowing when it will explode.' said Eighter.

'Why would anyone do such a thing?' asked the village chief.

'From what I know of the Red Ribbon Army,' said Kakarot 'it would be just like them to kill someone who was no threat, just so they couldn't be happy.'

'I'm so sorry,' said Suno, looking on the verge of tears.

'I can't stay here.' said Eighter. 'I would be putting everyone's life in danger.'

'No,' said the village chief 'it doesn't have to be this way Eighter! I know someone who can help! His name is Doctor Flappe!'

'That's right,' said Suno's mother 'he's an expert at robotics.'

'Dr Flappe?' asked Eighter.

'You know, I could just call Bulma.' said Kakarot 'She's a genius too and she's probably a lot closer to home.'

'He is an extraordinary scientist,' continued the village chief.

'Am I being ignored?' asked Kakarot.

'He lives alone on the other side of the mountains.' said Suno's mother. 'He built a laboratory up there so that he could work on his experiments undisturbed.'

'You could ask the doctor if he could remove the bomb from your body!' said the village chief.

'Of course, he doesn't care much for people.' reflected Suno's mother. 'If he doesn't like you, he won't even talk to you.'

There was silence for a moment.

'So can I call Bulma now or-' began Kakarot.

'Doctor Flappe loves me!' proclaimed Suno. 'I've been to his house several times! I'll bet he'd talk to Eighter if I were there.'

'That's true,' said Suno's mother 'the doctors rather fond of Suno. If she goes along, she might be able to get him to help Eighter out.'

'Will you go with them Suno?'

'Mmmhmm,' said Suno.

'Okay, this is ridiculous.' said Kakarot 'I literally have a super genius the next house over! We should at least ask her for help before we going trekking across mountains in search of this Flappe person.'

Everyone finally acknowledged his words, and looked at him in irritation. 'Fine,' said the village chief. 'we'll see Bulma about it first.'

* * *

'I can't help you.' said Bulma.

'What?!' said Kakarot 'What do you mean you can't help, you built the dragon radar when you were twelve because your dad cut you off from your allowance!'

'There is a big difference between creating a dragon radar and creating artificial life.' said Bulma in frustration. 'I don't know the first thing about how Eighter was built and I don't have anything to work with. I'd need blueprints, tools, a lab.

Unless this village has some of those things, I'd need to take him all the way back to Capsule Corp. Give me a month to tinker around, and I might be able to figure it out. You need someone who specializes in mechanical stuff to get fast results here, Kakarot.'

'Then its settled! You kids will leave first thing tomorrow!' said the village chief.

'Did I just get volunteered?' asked Kakarot in deadpan.

'Hang on, where are you guys going?' asked Bulma.

'There is some inventor called Doctor Flappe who lives up in the mountains.' said Kakarot 'The villagers are hoping he might be able to disarm the bomb which is in Eighter's body. I was hoping you could save me the trip.'

'I'm coming with you.' said Bulma.

'Why?' asked Kakarot.

'Are you kidding, your about to go learn about the inner workings of an artificial life form!' said Bulma 'I have got to see the blueprints!'

Meanwhile in the depths of Muscle Towers ruins, after Buyon had long ago been carried away by Pilaf's death fortress, Murasaki dragged himself out of the fortress.

* * *

The next morning, as Kakarot got on his heavy clothes, Suno picked up and began to look at his dragonballs with a curious eye. Kakarot glanced up. 'Are you interested in coming along for the hunt?'

'Are you kidding?' asked Suno 'And have the Red Ribbon Army after me? No thanks. Their your balls, you keep them.'

'Suit yourself.' said Kakarot, before placing them down and drawing out the dragon radar.

'Kakarot,' said Eighter 'is that the dragon radar General White was trying to steal from you?'

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'an invention of my friend Bulma. You just push this button and…' He tapped it repeatedly and blinked. 'What the- Hey!'

'Whats the matter?' asked Suno.

'I don't know,' said Kakarot 'its not working. I must have broken it while I was fighting in Muscle Tower.'

'If the Doctor can help Eighter,' said Suno 'maybe he can also fix your gadget too.'

'Why would I need Frappe?' asked Kakarot 'Bulma is literally next door.'

'Oh,' said Suno.

Something occurred to Kakarot suddenly, a question which begged at his mind despite his best efforts. 'Suno, where is your Father?' he asked 'I mean, I figured I would have seen him by now.'

Suno's expression grew sad. 'Well… a few months ago when the village chief was first imprisoned, my dad got together with some of the other villagers and tried to rescue him. He… he never made it back.'

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'I'm sorry.'

'I… I've gotten used to him not being around.' said Suno, getting teary eyed. 'But sometimes I miss him so much.'

Kakarot felt as if he was at a decision point in his life. He felt as if his next words would be very important, and he stood up. 'Well you don't need to worry about that. When I get all the dragonballs I'll bring him back to life.' As soon as he said it, he instantly regretted it.

'Really?!' said Suno 'You would do that?'

'But what about the moon?' asked Eighter.

'Its the least I can do for a future member of my harem.' said Kakarot quickly. 'Besides, the dragonballs can be used once a year. I'll just gather them again next year. Problem solved.' Of course a dry voice in his mind pointed out that if he did achieve his goals next year, it would make his previous wish moot. He choose to ignore that part of his mind.

'Thanks Kakarot,' said Suno.

Then she kissed him on the cheek. Kakarot could hardly control his blush.

The next morning the group prepared to set out for Dr Frappe's house. They were bundled up in warm clothes, and Bulma was once again wearing her trenchcoat and cap. The only one who wasn't bundled up was Eighter, who was wearing exactly the same thing he normally did. There were apparently serious advantages to being an Android.

'Do you have the food I packed?' asked Suno's mother.

'Yes Mother,' said Suno.

'Soon you'll be good as new, my boy.' said the village chief.

As they set out across the snows the villagers called a resounding goodbye. Theyt turned to wave back at them, and then continued. Bulma, for her part, looked a little annoyed. 'Hey Kakarot, remind me why we're walking when we could just take Yamcha's snowmobile?' She asked.

'Now that the Red Ribbon Army's presence is destroyed there is no hurry.' said Suno. 'And walking through the snow is fun!'

'Where is Yamcha anyway?' asked Kakarot.

'That jerk hasn't said a word to me since Muscle Tower.' huffed Bulma 'I think he's off practicing kamehameha waves with Launch. I don't care where he goes.'

'But apparently you care enough to want to use his snow mobile.' noted Kakarot.

'…Has anyone ever told you that you are an annoying little brat, Kakarot.' said Bulma after a moment.

'Has anyone ever told you that you have a tendency to project your problems onto other people?' asked Kakarot in turn.

There was a long silence as they walked onwards.

Murasaki saw the group coming along the path. As they approached he rushed to one side and used his camo to hide himself against the side of a tree,

As they came over the hill, they came within sight of a great white mountain. It towered over Suno pointed at it. 'See that huge mountain up there? Dr Flappe lives just behind it.'

'It sure is a long journey.' said Eighter 'I hope he can help.'

'He's a very nice person once you get to know him.' said Suno.

'It can hardly hurt to ask.' reflected Kakarot. 'Worst case scenario, he says no and I threaten to break his-' Bulma hit him over the head, and Kakarot sighed, '-I implore him to reconsider. I can be very persuasive.'

'Come on guys, there's nothing to worry about.' said Suno 'Doctor Flappe is a sweet old man. He's up there all day creating all kinds of wonderful stuff you wouldn't believe.'

'I hope your right, Suno.' said Eighter.

As they pressed onwards, Bulma glanced behind them. In the snow by a set of trees she could see tracks not their own. However they simply disappeared by a tree. She walked on a little ways and glanced back. The tracks had advanced. She quickened her pace and caught up with the others. 'Hey guys, uh… I think someones following us.'

'Its Murasaki,' said Kakarot 'I smelled him a mile away. Lets pay him no mind, acknowledging his presence would only encourage him.'

'But don't you think we should do something about him then?' asked Suno.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'we can ignore him and hope he goes away.'

As they pressed onwards, they came to a great frozen lake. Kakarot looked at it with childlike wonder. 'That pond reflects the light from the sun.' Suno leaped off the ledge and landed on it, and Kakarot took a step back. 'How is it that you can walk on water?'

'Of course,' said Eighter 'the water is frozen.'

'What kind of water is that?' asked Kakarot.

'You know,' said Bulma 'I can never figure you out Kakarot.'

'The water became hard in the cold temperature, thats all.' said Suno. 'What cha waiting for silly? Lets go!'

Kakarot stepped forward and leaped onto the ice. His feet slipped out from under him, and he went sliding forward across the ice to come to a halt before her. Suno helped him up. 'That was funny.' she said.

'Speak for yourself.' said Kakarot, stepped forward and nearly slipping again.

Suno turned to Eighter. 'Come on, Eighter, Bulma, join the fun.'

Bulma stepped off and made her way forward carefully across the ice. Eighter followed shortly afterward with a leap. When he landed he left a series of cracks on the ice. Then he walked onward. Kakarot glanced back, and saw Murasaki leap in after him. He landed on the ice and plunged in.

'Hey did you hear something?' asked Suno.

'Oh, Murasaki fell into the frozen lake.' said Kakarot 'He probably could have gotten out by now. He's probably waiting for us to leave so he can continue not being secret.' He paused.

'…So are we gonna move or-'

'Wait for it…' said Kakarot.

The silence was almost audible.

'This is getting boring.' said Suno.

'Wait for it…' said Kakarot.

'What are we waiting for?' asked Eighter.

'Either for Murasaki to show himself,' said Kakarot 'or for him to drown.'

'Maybe we should just move on and let him breath.' suggested Eighter.

'Yeah, he's not even a real threat anyway.' said Kakarot.

They made their way onwards without further ado. Kakarot took some small satisfaction in the knowledge that he had caused his enemies suffering.

* * *

In the midsts of a snowbank distant from the village, Puar watched as Launch and Yamcha faced one another down, standing before one another as they focused energy through their bodies that sent their trenchcoats rippling around them. Then they surged forward, and met each other in a flurry of blows. Back and forth they went, with neither able to overwhelm the other. Suddenly Yamcha fell to the snow with one gloved hand and moved to kick Launch's legs out from under her.

Launch leaped into the air and lashed out with one foot, that nearly caught Yamcha in the face as he swung himself back onto his feet and took a guarding stance. Launch unleashed a flurry of blows which he parried, little by little being driven back. Finally Launch knocked aside his guard and swung a punch which halted mere inches away from Yamcha's face.

There was silence as they stood there, fixed in place. A chill wind blew through their coats as Launch pulled back her hand. 'Well, well, well, looks like the tables have turned, haven't they?'

'I'll say.' said Yamcha 'A few weeks ago you'd never have been able to do this well. Your a quick learner.'

'I had a good teacher.' said Launch 'Now lets see how you've learned to handle the kamehameha wave.'

Yamcha smiled and backflipped three times to gain some distance, before both of them took stances, cupping their hands together as the wind blew around them.

'Kaa…' They both began.

'Mee…' They summoned their power.

'Haa…' Their power took the form of a blue light.

'Mee…' The blue light intensified.

'HAA!' The light shone like the sun, and burst forth in two brilliant beams which clashed with each other. For a moment they strained against each other, their beams struggling to overwhelm each other. Then Launch's beam gained ground, slowly but surely pushing Yamcha's own energy back.

Finally Yamcha lost control, and the combined energy was thrown right back at him.

'Get out of the way, Yamcha!' cried Puar.

But Yamcha did not dodge. Instead he crossed his arms in front of him, and took the blast head on. The kamehameha wave seemed to bend and warp against some invisible as it crashed into him, and then he uncrossed his arms and shoved it back. The wave surged towards Launch, who leaped into the air to dodge it.

The beam was then directed away into the air to explode harmlessly high above.

The villagers, who had been watching, began to clap and cheer.

Launch landed on one knee, and stared. 'What the… how did you do that?'

'Its a technique I figured out by accident.' said Yamcha 'See, back before the World Martial Arts Tournament I fought this guy called Tien Shinhan who used some weird energy attack called Dodon Ray. When I dodged it, he started aiming it at innocent civilians to force me to jump into it.

I got in the way and used the guard. I don't know exactly what happened, but I think I ended up calling on my ki, the same force that powers the kamehameha wave. Whatever it was, I only got a bit singed, and was able to knock him out while his guard was down. When you taught me to use the kamehameha wave, I began to figure out how I did it.

So I figured I'd try summoning my ki as a defensive force to stop your kamehameha wave. I guess it kind of worked better than I was expecting.'

'You're the greatest Yamcha.' said Puar. 'You totally won.'

'Won!' snapped Launch 'I kicked his butt!'

'Why don't we call it a draw.' said the village chief. 'Yamcha is better at energy control, and Launch is the better at physical combat. That sounds fair.'

'Yeah sure, lets give her that.' said Yamcha. There was a long pause. 'But you do know that I could have wolf fanged fisted you into that mountain over there, right?'

'Keep dreaming.' said Launch with a smirk. 'I'm the one who won the beam war.'

* * *

Meanwhile Kakarot, Bulma, Eighter and Suno made their way up a steep hill, leaving heavy tracks behind them as they went. Trailing behind them was a large furry bear which bounded after them. Soon they came over the crest of the hill, and saw below a charming house with smoke rising from the chimney.

'There it is!' cried Suno.

'Finally,' said Bulma 'I was getting tired of all this snow.

However something above them, as the bear from before was standing on its hind quarters, looking after them. 'Look,' said Suno 'its a bear.'

'No,' said Kakarot 'that is Murasaki in a bear suit.'

Everyone looked at him.

'Look I have a very keen sense of smell, okay.' said Kakarot. 'I know the difference between a bear, and a bear suit. I've eaten bear.'

'What does it taste like?' asked Suno.

'Pretty good, actually.' said Kakarot 'My favorite flavor is panda.'

'But pandas are an endangered species!' cried Bulma.

'Endangered what now?' asked Kakarot 'Is that some kind of brand?'

'No its a-' began Bulma.

At that moment Murasaki in a bear suit rolled down the hill past them, picking up snow as he did so until he was in the middle of a giant ball. As he neared the bottom of the hill he hit a tree with a crash. They walked past him without a word.

'This is kind of pathetic.' said Kakarot 'Want me to kill him and put him out of his misery.'

'I think we should hold off on that until all chances of his lot improving are gone.' reflected Eighter sadly. 'Mercy killings should be a last resort.'

They came to the house of Dr Flappe and looked up at it. Bulma looked a little disappointed. 'This doesn't look much like a laboratory.' she said.

'Just you wait,' said Suno 'he'll be able to help. Wait here, let me see if he's home.' She made her way up to the door, and knocked. 'Hello! Doctor Flappe are you home!'

At that moment a snowspeeder soared into view, and a man with a white aphro and a thin white mustache looked at them in suspicion. He had a haggard and worn face, and on the left side of his face was a harsh scar. 'Private property!' he snapped at them.

'Doctor!' cried Suno.

The man looked up, and at once his hostile expression changed. 'Suno!' he cried. 'I didn't know you were her friends, come in, come in!'

Later as they sat on a sofa before a roaring fire, Flappe looked at them curiously. 'So, you and your friends took on the whole Red Ribbon Army, hmm?'

'Thats right,' said Suno 'their all very strong.'

'Oh no,' said Eighter 'I'm really not that stronger.'

'Don't be so modest.' said Kakarot 'You were clearly stronger than Murasaki and Major Mettallatron, so you have to be pretty powerful.'

Eighter laughed nervously.

'Anyway,' said Flappe 'I'm glad the village is at peace again.'

'I hope the Red Ribbon Army never returns.' said Suno.

'Me too.' agreed Flappe.

'Given that I intend to wipe them out after we're done here,' said Kakarot 'that shouldn't be a problem.'

'Did the army do anything to you while you were here?' asked Suno.

'No, no!' said Flappe 'I haven't seen a trace of the army!' His words were too hasty. 'They do not… uh… like it! Its too cold!'

'Your lucky,' said Suno 'can you believe those mean men actually put a bomb in Eighters body?' Flappe remained silent. 'You can take it out, can't you? You can save Eighter? Doctor Flappe.'

Flappe had no answer, he seemed to be in his own little world.

Kakarot suddenly thought of something. He drew out his broken dragon radar and offered it to Bulma, who looked distant. She seemed not to notice him. 'Bulma,' he said 'Bulma!'

'Yes, what is it?' asked Bulma.

'I forgot to mention this to you before, but the dragon radar stopped working.' said Kakarot 'I kind of need you to fix it.'

'What?' said Bulma 'You broke it!'

'I was shot in the head and dropped down a floor.' said Kakarot 'Give me a break.'

'You need to be more careful kid,' said Bulma as she took it. 'You might not always have me around to do… maintenance…' She looked up to Flappe. 'Your lying.'

'What?' said Suno, looking at her in shock. 'How can you say something like that?'

Flappe froze as Bulma stood up. 'If there is one thing that I know its technology. And technology is fragile. It breaks down. A lot. Cars cease to fuction if they are put to too heavy use. Robots freeze if they are brought into temperatures that are too cold. And Androids need maintenance.'

'Doctor Flappe would never work for the Red Ribbon Army-' began Suno.

'There is no one around with the qualifications except him.' said Bulma 'White was a general, not a scientist. Maybe Eighter was put together somewhere else, but they would still need someone to work on him. He was a combat model! Getting beaten up was part of the job!'

'How can you accuse-' began Suno.

'Its true.' said Flappe, looking down and looking miserable. 'I… I was working for the Red Ribbon Army. I didn't want to, but they didn't give me any choice. You don't know what they are capable of.'

'Oh,' said Suno 'well, that is pretty bad. But now that White is gone, you don't have to work for them anymore.'

'Thats not all.' said Flappe 'I… I was hoping to put this off for a time. But… I was the one who set the bomb in Eighter. It was my first act in the service of the Red Ribbon Army, and I've regretted it ever since.'

'Why?' asked Kakarot.

'Because White would have killed the villagers if I hadn't complied.' said Flappe 'And because… because Dr Gero is not the sort of person one dares cross.'

'Dr Gero?' asked Kakarot.

'I've heard that name.' said Bulma 'He's a brilliant scientist. A legend in the field of robotics, though he kind of dropped off the map a few years ago.'

'He's a monster!' said Flappe 'I first met him some years ago, before I came here, it… it happened like this…'

* * *

Flappe awoke in his house to find masked figures standing over him. He was grabbed, and pulled from his bed and dragged outside into a van and blindfolded. 'Who are you?' he asked 'What do you want?!'

No one answered. He didn't know how long exactly he was in that van, but eventually it came to a halt, and he was dragged out. He was brought into some kind of building, he could tell by the change in temperature. He was dragged through the halls, and eventually deposited in a metal chair. His hands were cuffed and the blindfold was pulled off.

He was sitting on a metal chair, near a metal table in a metal room with a single door. It was very cold within it, and he was soon shivering. Eventually the door opened, and Dr Gero entered. He sat down calmly, carefully, and looked him over.

'Dr Flappe?' he asked after a moment.

'Y-yes,' said Flappe.

'You may recall me from a few scientific events.' said Dr Gero 'Congratulations Dr, you've been recruited by the Red Ribbon Army.'

Flappe went cold. He knew what would happen if he refused. But he also knew just what kinds of things the Red Ribbon Army would use his talents for it. He had always believed that science was a tool which had to be used responsibly.

Now was the time to prove it. 'No.' he said.

'You misunderstand,' said Gero 'I was not giving you a choice. I have too many projects to do maintenance on every one of my creations. I need someone to handle things for me.'

'I don't care,' said Flappe, though his voice came out a high pitched squeak. 'I won't be a part of the kinds of atrocities you people commit.'

'I thought you might be reluctant.' said Dr Gero 'So I am going to give you three good reasons why you should cooperate. First, because I have asked you to, and I am the only reason you are still alive.

Second, because I have Mercenary Tao on speed dial.' He paused, and Flappe realized he was shaking, not just from the cold. 'And third, because I know where your daughter lives.' He removed a picture from his breast pocket and set it down. It was of his girl, now twenty three and living happily.

Flappe could barely breath. 'Please… please don't kill my daughter.'

'That all depends on your cooperation.' said Dr Gero.

'I… I will work for you.' said Flappe.

'Good,' said Gero 'now I need you to move to an area far to the north of here. I'll send you the specific coordinates. I have some machines I've been building which will be sent to that location. General White will be your commander.

If you try to run, I will kill your daughter. If General White asks me to, I will kill your daughter. If I find out you have been sabotaging my equipment, I will kill your daughter. Do we understand each other?'

'Y-yes.' said Flappe.

Gero smiled. It was an evil smile, befitting the man who wore it. Then drawing a knife, he slashed Flappe across the side of his face.

It left a scar.

* * *

They stared at Flappe, horror in there eyes. Bulma was speechless, and so was Kakarot. The way Flappe had described what happened had chilled him to the core. 'I… I'm so sorry. I didn't know.' Bulma said at last.

'Nobody does.' said Flappe bitterly. 'The Red Ribbon Army does what it wants because no one can stop it. When I came here, I just wanted to be left alone and die on some freezing night. Then Suno came knocking at my door to greet the new neighbor.' He looked to her. 'You remind me of my daughter when she was your age. We… grew apart over the years.' Then he looked to Eighter. 'I wish I could say I resisted to the last when I was told to plant the bomb on your heart, but… I would be lying.

When I saw you on that operating table, I didn't see a sentient creature. I just saw a machine that White wanted rigged to explode.'

'Its alright,' said Eighter 'you had no choice. I… I forgive you, Dr Flappe.'

'We're not going to let them get away with this.' said Kakarot simply, his fist clenched.

'But…' Suno said 'Dr Flappe, you can take out his bomb, right?'

'Yes,' said Doctor Flappe 'of course I will. Its the least I can do, just give me a moment to make some preparations.' He made his way to a door and opened it.

Flappe made his way through the hall, and reached his bedroom. Entering it, he found Murasaki waiting for him on the bed. He froze in horror.

'Its been a long time,' said Murasaki.

Flappe went for the door, but throwing knives were embedded near the door knob as he reached for it. 'P-please leave me alone.'

'Whats the matter, doc?' asked Murasaki. 'Aren't you happy to see me?' He drew out a series of knives. 'We have a little business to discuss.'

'I told General White I'm out for good!' snapped Flappe.

'Whatever deal you made with the good General went out the window with him.' said Murasaki. 'He and his soldiers were defeated yesterday after Android Number Eight went Renegade. You remember that one, right?

If you don't cooperate I'll tell Gero that you weren't wiped out with the rest of us. And you know who he'll call next if you don't come back in.'

'Just tell me what you want me to do.' said Flappe.

'The spiky haired brat in the living room has two dragonballs. I need you to get them for me. After that all you need to do is take care of the brat.'

Flappe stared at him. 'Let me see if I have this quite clear. That child successfully defeated Major Metallatron, you, and General White along with the entire Red Ribbon Army garrison, and is sufficiently dangerous that you refuse to kill him yourself.

And you expect me, an ordinary, untrained human who doesn't own a gun, to kill him?'

There was a long silence as Murasaki stared at him. 'I liked the way I phrased it better.'

'No doubt.' said Flappe.

'Fine, just get the dragonball, I don't care!' snapped Murasaki.

Suddenly something awoke within Flappe, a terrible anger that brought him to hold his ground. 'No!' shouted Flappe, deliberately making a great deal of noise. 'I'm done cooperating with you people! I'll take my chances and hope you freeze to death in the snows!'

* * *

Kami considered the situation and decided that it was an excellent idea. Murasaki might very well reveal that Flappe was still alive, now that he had come all this way. It was beginning to look like Murasaki escaping alive was unacceptable. The man had been given every chance to back down, but if he was going to force Kami to choose between a professional murderers rapidly diminishing chances of salvation and the life of an innocent women, the choice was more than obvious.

In fact it had been his encouragement which caused Flappe to hold his ground. Now he noticed that Suno was making her way towards the room, and convinced Kakarot to go after her. Or tried, but Kakarot was lost in thought and could not be moved. So Kami urged Bulma to go instead. Yet she was busy thinking about how wonderful it would be to learn how Eighter was created.

Time was running out.

* * *

Suno made her way though the hall. 'I could have gone back to the village and back in the time they preparations are taking.' Opening the door, she entered it to see a violet clad man holding a knife to Flappe's throat. She screamed.

'Run Suno!' cried Flappe.

Suno obeyed, but she had not gone far before a hand reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back as a knife was set to her throat. 'Do as I say,' said the man 'or the girl gets it.'

* * *

Kami did something else then. He sent a sense to Eighter of terrible danger. Eighter sensed it, and got up, making his way through the door. As Murasaki gripped Suno, the door behind him was opened.

'Sergeant Murasaki!' cried Eighter.

Murasaki was filled with surprise, and Kami weakened his grip on the blades. Suno then bit him on the hand, and he dropped them entirely. Murasaki panicked and rushed to smash through the window, leaping out into the snows and rushing away.

At that moment Kakarot came by. 'Who went out the window?'

'It was Murasaki!' cried Eighter. 'He was threatening Suno.'

'Quick,' said Flappe 'you've got to go after him! If he gets word to Gero, my daughter will die! You can't let him get away!'

'Don't worry,' said Kakarot 'he won't.'

He leaped out the window and pursued.

Kakarot raced after Murasaki's snowmobile, but it moved with incredible swiftness and he found himself slowed by the snows he had to trudge through. As he ground a halt, he cupped his hands.

'Kamehameha!' he cried.

Firing a beam of blue light at the mountain Murasaki was scaling. It struck the mountain, and Murasaki soon found himself having to flee an avalanche which chased after him, faster and faster. It was ultimately futile, and he was soon covered in snow. Feeling obligated to try and save the mans soul, Kami allowed him to be spared from the avalanche.

'Well that takes care of that.' said Kakarot in satisfaction. 'Now, lets have lunch!'

* * *

After lunch, Doctor Flappe began the process of removing the bomb. Eighter took off his shirt and lay down upon the operating table. Flappe opened up the chest plate, to reveal innards of steel. And on a metal heart, lay a small bomb, held on with screws.

Flappe slowly removed one of the screws, turning the driver as his face dripped with swat. Suno and Kakarot watched in suspense, while Bulma looked fascinated. Soon Flappe began to work on the second screw. After a moment that was out too, and reaching in he drew off the bomb.

'I did it,' said Flappe 'there is nothing more to worry about.'

Kakarot and Suno breathed in relief and smiled, as Flappe wiped the sweat from his brow. As he did so, however, the bomb slipped from his fingers. In slow motion it seemed to fall back down toward Eighters heart. Then Kakarot surged forward and caught it in one purple mitten.

Suno smiled. 'Quick hands!'

Kami smiled as well.

Later on, the four of them stood outside Doctor Flappe's house to say their goodbyes.

'I owe you my life, Doctor.' said Eighter. 'Thank you.'

'Yes thank you.' said Suno.

'Hey, these schematics you gave me are really cool.' said Bulma 'I can't wait to pour over these back home. Thanks a lot. And thanks for lending me your tools to fix the dragon radar.'

'If the Red Ribbon Army gives you any more trouble,' said Kakarot 'give me a call and I'll handle it.'

'Yes, yes,' said Flappe 'its alright. If I might ask, what will you do now?'

'Me?' asked Bulma 'I want to go home and sleep for a week. These adventures have been fun and all, but I'm tired.'

'A trip to the city sounds nice.' agreed Kakarot. 'Oh, and Suno, I wanted to say that I was serious about that wish. I'll wait for my own one.'

'Thanks Kakarot.'

Then Kakarot pulled something out of his pocket. It was the bomb. 'The bomb… what to do with this?'

'Just throw it away.' said Bulma 'Somewhere far away from people.'

'Fair enough,' said Kakarot before hurling it in Murasaki's rough direction.

Then they walked away, waving goodbye to Dr Flappe.

'Good luck, my friends!' cried Flappe after them.

Kami then turned his attention to the Ninja Murasaki, who was now emerging from the snow. Eighter aside. Murasaki had been the least evil of Muscle Towers guardians. It had been why Kami had preserved him when the building fell in around his head. And his potential for good, should he reform, was why he had saved him from the avalanche. Yet as events had played out, Murasaki had gone farther and farther down the wicked path he had chosen.

Now the only question was what Murasaki would do with his life.

Murasaki emerged from the snow. 'Like the ebb and flow of the tides, my wrath shall remain constant! I'll have my revenge!'

Time was up. Murasaki only needed to find a radio to contact Gero, and have an innocent girl murdered. Kami had done him two separate miracles in the hopes that he might give up and make something of himself, but his stupid determination was too great. At this rate he'd probably end up getting murdered by Kakarot, after exposing Flappe.

So Kami manipulated events to protect innocent life. He nudged the bomb with the wind, so that it landed on Murasaki's face, then activated it. The ninja had just enough time to scream, before he was consumed in light.

The explosion could be seen for miles around.

* * *

 _He_ took a moment to appreciate Kami's coldblooded slaughter of the fool, Murasaki. It was always nice to end a story with a bang.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well her we have chapter thirty nine. I enjoyed writing this chapter, primarily because I got a chance to fix a huge problem I had with the original episode. See, Doctor Flappe's story could have been an excellent story about a good man forced to do bad things. It could have led to some development, and given some suspense.

Instead Flappe never gets a chance to reveal, or have revealed his dark and troubled past. As a result the whole thing feels incredibly anticlimactic, because the very interesting story line aspect is never revealed.

As for the Launch Vs Yamcha rematch, I figured I'd have it now since I doubt they will have another showdown in the next World Tournament. And Yamcha got a new technique! Cool!

I meant to have Suno disavow Kakarot of the whole harem plan here, but that didn't work out either. At this rate I'm beginning to think the harem might actually happen.


	40. A Trip to the City

**Chapter Thirty Nine: A Trip to the City**

Later that night they eat dinner once again at Suno's house. The stars were in full view above them, illuminating the landscape below as laughter could be heard from within the round home. Suno's mother finished her teas, and set her cup down. 'Congratulations, Eighter.'

'Thanks,' said Eighter.

'You'll stay with me now.' said the village chief.

'Thanks.' repeated Eighter.

'I'm so glad.' said Suno.

'I am too.' said Eighter.

'Is there a particular reason everyone feels the need to speak in single sentence statements lately?' asked Kakarot. 'And didn't we already establish all that before now?'

'Can't you stay?' asked Eighter. 'Do you really have to go find your dragonball?'

'The dead aren't going to wish themselves back to life.' reflected Kakarot ruefully.

'Why don't you sleep here tonight?' asked Suno's mother 'Its much to late to begin a trip.'

'Very well,' said Kakarot 'I accept your hospitality.' Suno laughed for reasons he didn't understand, and he found himself joining her. The feeling he'd had when he'd hit his head seemed to return when he was around them.

The village chief finished his tea. 'Well since you have to say goodbye to your friend Kakarot tomorrow, why don't you stay here tonight, Eighter?' He stood up as Eighter nodded, and bundled himself up in his coat and hat. Eighter saw him to the door. 'So then I'll see you later then?'

'Yes.' said Eighter with a smile.

The door was opened and the village chief made his way out into the snow, his cane leaving marks behind him in the snow. 'Come to my house in the morning Eighter, good night everyone!'

'Farewell!' called Kakarot.

'Bye!' cried Suno.

Kakarot realized he would miss the old man.

Later as the stars glittered ever onward, Kakarot fiddled with the dragon radar. 'It looks like its working fine again. Bulma was able to fix it with Dr Flappe's tools.'

'What will you do once you finish finding all the balls?' asked Eighter 'I mean after you make your wish.'

'You know, I don't know.' admitted Kakarot 'One of these days I mean to win the world martial arts tournament, but thats a few years off still. I guess one day I mean to become the strongest being in the whole universe. That may take… more than a few years. For now I suppose I'll stick with Bulma and the others.'

'Where does Bulma live anyway?' asked Suno, sounding somewhat jealous.

'Some place called West City,' said Kakarot 'we're heading there next.'

'West City uh…' Suno paused. 'I think its that way.' She pointed with one finger out the window.

'To the west,' surmised Kakarot dryly.

'South west, buster.' said Suno 'You guys are pretty far north.'

'I've heard of it.' said Eighter 'Its far, how will you get to this West City.'

'Well I imagine Yamcha or Launch have some kind of transportation.' reflected Kakarot 'Failing that, we'll head out on foot.'

'What!' said Suno 'Your walking!' She paused. 'I guess there is no other way though, there isn't a single plane or car in the whole village.'

'Yeah you should probably do something about that,' said Kakarot 'could be a huge problem in an emergency.'

'Too bad,' reflected Eighter.

'My you are full of insightful commentary today, aren't you Eighter?' asked Kakarot.

'Thanks.' said Eighter.

'I was being sarcastic.' stated Kakarot.

'Well I'll pack you a huge lunch.' decided Suno.

'Really?' asked Kakarot 'Thank you.'

'You have a big day tomorrow, so lets get some sleep.' said Suno. 'Goodnight!'

'Goodnight.' said Kakarot.

'Goodnight.' said Eighter.

The lights went off, and they went to sleep. Suno slept on her bed, bundled beneath her covers with her teddy bear nearby. Eighter and Kakarot slept in sleeping bags on the floor. Eighter seemed very pleased. 'I've never slept with a blanket before. Its cozy.'

* * *

A rooster crowed as sunlight rose over the mountains the next morning. The light shot forth to illuminate the world once more, as snow began to melt from the tops of the trees. The villagers and their heroes gathered outside. As it turned out Yamcha had a plane all lined up for use. However Launch had some news of her own to reveal.

'What do you mean your not coming with us?' asked Yamcha.

'Just what I said,' said Launch 'playing hero has been fun, but I've got trains to rob. Banks to break. I want to test out these new powers.' She tossed a capsule of her own to reveal a plane.

'I'd be a hypocrite if I complained.' reflected Yamcha.

'Just make sure you don't get caught.' said Bulma.

'Hey,' said Launch 'its me.'

Then she climbed into the plane, and soared away into the distance. That left Kakarot the time of parting. He realized that he had become attached to the people of this village, and was reluctant to leave them. 'Well, I guess this is goodbye for now.'

'Thank you for everything, Kakarot.' said Eighter 'Your my very best friend.'

'Hey, don't just thank me.' said Kakarot, trying to keep water from leaking from his eyes. 'It was a team effort. Thanks for the lunch Suno, I'll return some day when all this is finished. I promise.'

'Right,' said Suno 'don't forget, never let those Red Ribbon guys get you down.'

'I never let anything get me down,' said Kakarot 'I'm really going to miss all of you guys.' He turned to Bulma, who was waiting. 'Lets go.'

As the villagers waved goodbye, they piled into the jet and soared away into the distance. As they soared onwards, Puar gave a cry. 'Look! There is a rainbow chasing us!'

They looked up to see the many colored optical illusion rushing past them. Soon it began to get steadily warmer and warmer. They were able to take off their heavy clothes, though the trenchcoats were awkward to remove. Soon the snow disappeared entirely to be replaced by brown lands. As they journeyed towards the unknown, over every mountain they went over, over every ocean they crossed, Kakarot took a certain delight in discovering a world still very new to him. Out the window they could sea a flock of seagulls flying alongside them.

He could not help but feel as though this world was far too beautiful to destroy.

They could not have known they were being tracked by a sinister eye.

* * *

Within the Red Ribbon HQ the beeping of the dragon radar could be heard. Black watched it with interest. He looked down to General Red. 'The radar shows the dragonballs are travelling west. And their moving fast.'

Red seethed.

For his part, Dr Gero raised a communicator. 'Barracks, set the counter to activate program Hasky.'

* * *

When they finally came within sight of West City, Kakarot was awed. It was gigantic, he could hardly contain his enthusiasm. 'You live here Bulma! Its like a maze, how do you find your way?'

'There are street signs and things.' said Bulma as they neared it. 'Tell you what kid, as soon as we land I'll give you the grand tour.'

'Nah,' said Kakarot 'I'm gonna figure it out on my own. I'll meet you at your house.'

Then he opened the windshield and was hit with a massive rush of air. Bulma screamed as the surprised Yamcha swerved the jet. 'Kakarot, close the hatch you idiot!'

Kakarot, however, leaped out of the jet and descended towards the city streets laughing. The rush of air got his blood pumping as he got closer and closer to the ground. Finally he turned in mid air and landed just behind a set of bushes.

Emerging into the street and looking around he reflected that now he would prove he could make it in the city on his own. West City proved a bustling and crowded place, even more so than the city he had been to before. On every sidewalk there were countless people, walking, talking and plying their trades. On every road there were cars driving, some fast, some slow. There were all kinds of scents and sounds, and other things which served to confuse and distract.

He wandered it in amazement, walking across a street. Suddenly a car screeched to a halt right in front of him. 'Brat!' cried the driver 'Open your eyes! Watch out!'

'You there,' said Kakarot 'where is Bulma's house?'

'Well how should I know!' roared the man, before the sound of beeping echoed behind him. A variety of people stuck their heads out of windows and began yelling at him and Kakarot.

Not liking their tone, Kakarot plunged one hand into the engine and pulled it out, before tossing it away. 'Have a nice day.' he said smiling brightly as he walked off.

Several cars nearly collided with him as he walked, and for the sake of the drivers he dodged them. Finally he found a women pushing a baby carriage. 'You there,' he said 'where does Bulma live?'

'Bulma?' asked the women.

'Yeah,' he said.

'I have no idea, why don't you go bother someone else okay.'

'…Because you have answered my question promptly, you will be spared.' proclaimed Kakarot before walking off on his own. 'How is it possible that these people don't know where one of their neighbors live? What do I do now? Maybe I should break a car and demand my answer more forcefully. No, that would not be polite.'

He instead walked into the middle of the street as a taxi surged forward and halted before him. An orange coyote looked out the window. 'Hey whats the big idea kid, you trying to get run down?!'

'I require transportation.' said Kakarot.'To Bulma's house.'

The driver opened a side door in his car. 'Fine, get in. Just don't hold up traffic.'

'Excellent,' said Kakarot as he stepped in. The car took off. 'I need to get to Bulma's house.'

'I got that.' said the Taxi Driver 'But where is it?'

'I have absolutely no idea.' admitted Kakarot 'I'm making this up as I go.'

The driver brought the car to a screeching halt. 'Hey buddy, you got any money to pay for this little excursion of yours?'

'That depends,' said Kakarot 'does allowing you to continue breathing count as payment?'

And that was how Kakarot found himself kicked out onto the side of the road. 'What was you'ze thinking! You'ze got no lift! Jerk!' Then he drove off.

Kakarot stared incredulously. '…How did he do that?! I'll never underestimate the motivational effects of human or... coyote greed again. I guess I'm just going to have to find cash.'

Then he saw Oolong. The pig was dressed in a fancy suit, and buying a long sausage in a bun. The pig looked up, saw him, froze up and scrammed. Kakarot watched him run, before surging after him, and gripping him by the shoulder.

'Get off me! Get off me! I'm not scamming anyone!' cried Oolong.

'I don't particularly care.' admitted Kakarot 'However what I need is a guide. You seem like the sort of person who would understand this sort of place?'

'True enough,' said Oolong, munching on his hot dog. 'But whats in it for me?' Kakarot narrowed his eyes slightly and smiled. Oolong paled. 'Alright kid, I take your point. What do you want to know?'

'First of all,' said Kakarot 'I need zeni. It is clear that nearly all services in these places require the stuff, so I need to know how to attain it.'

'Well there are a couple of way.' said Oolong 'There is the boring way where you earn an honest living. There is my way where you cheat people out of it. Then there are more violent options.'

'Like the World Martial Arts tournament?' asked Kakarot, releasing him.

'Yeah, something like that.' Oolong stepped back, and straightened his collar. 'Here follow me kid, I've got an idea.'

Without much else of an idea of what to do, Kakarot followed the pig to a place where a crowd was gathered. Oolong turned to him. 'Now see, beyond that crowd there is a guy whose charging people to fight him. Anyone who beats him gets a million zeni.'

'Thats alot, right?' asked Kakarot.

'More than you can imagine.' said Oolong 'Now just give me a second to set up a betting pool. Nobody who sees you is going to take you seriously, so everyone will think its a safe bet to go on the fighters side. That way, when you win, we'll get huge bucks.'

'And I would wait for you why?' asked Kakarot.

'Just bear with me kid,' said Oolong 'I'll give you ten percent.'

'Sure, fine whatever.' said Kakarot.

'No kid,' said Oolong 'thats not how you do it, your supposed to negotiate for fifteen.'

'The money isn't really all that important to me.' admitted Kakarot.

'Won't catch me complaining,'muttered Oolong 'alright I'll get to work.'

As Oolong set to work, Kakarot made his way through the crowd to watch the contestant fight. A rough looking man in a black tank top with iron gray hair and a lot of muscles was cracking his knuckles, while facing off against a shirtless martial artist with a black bowl cut. Tank tops friends were cheering him on as he faced his opponent down. There was a tense silence as they faced each other down.

'Ready?' asked Tank Top. Then he lunged.

Tank Top unleashed a flurry of punches, but his opponent dodged them with absolute ease, before roundhouse kicking him in the crotch. Tank Top clutched himself, as his opponent punched him across the face, sending him flying.

Cheers came from the crowd as the martial artist posed victoriously. Tank Top was dragged away by his friends as the murmur of approval went on. 'Well,' said the martial artist 'whose next then? Take me down for a hundred thousand zeni? Which one of you has got the guts? Come on! Step up!'

Dead silence ensued.

'So?' asked the martial artist. 'How about it then? Any of you think you can beat me?! If you can make me give up, the dough is yours. No tricks, this is for real.'

'So why don't you try?' asked a man.

'You've got to be kidding,' said another 'he's a master of kickboxing and I hear he's undefeated!'

'I have a challenger!' cried Oolong. 'Ladies and gentlemen you may think this amateur is pretty tough, but let me tell you he's nothing compared to the fighter I've got for you! This is a finalist in the World Martial Arts tournament, a ruthless killing machine who could crush this entire city without breaking a sweat! And I'm willing to bet on him with ten thousand zeni! Any of you fine fellows have the courage to take some of the action?!'

'Where is this fighter of yours?' asked the martial artist, scanning the crowd with interest. 'I don't see him.'

'That,' said Kakarot as he stepped forward. 'would be me.'

Hysterical laughter broke out from the crowd, and at once people began taking Oolong's bet. The money poured into the betting boxes he had set out until it positively overflowed.

'No joke?' asked the martial artist. 'Are you serious?'

'Yeah, I kind of need the money.' admitted Kakarot.

The laughter intensified and Kakarot became somewhat annoyed. He was aware that this was actually a good thing, since it mean the profits would be greater. However he hated not being taken seriously.

'Your really going to take me on?' asked the martial artist.

'Uh huh,' said Kakarot 'as long as I really get the money when I win.'

'Okay,' said the martial artist. 'the zeni is yours if you beat me. I usually charge an entrance fee, but for a challenger of your calibur I'd be honored to fight you for free.'

Kakarot liked this guy. Sure he had absolutely no idea who he was fucking with, but he wasn't charging him for the fight. He smiled. 'I appreciate it, you'll make a full recovery after I'm done with you.' More laughter, but he was used to it by now.

Kakarot stretched out and finally took a stance. 'I'm ready. Are you?'

'Sure, sure,' said the man.

'Great,' said Kakarot 'me first.'

And then he punched the man in the gut. The blow sent him keeling over, as Kakarot halted his fist as the man went reeling. As his enemy tried to recover from the pain the crowd stared, suddenly not as amused.

'I'll bet you all are starting to regret betting against the kid, huh?' asked Oolong smugly.

'See anything?' asked one.

'Uh uh,' said another.

The man arose as Kakarot stepped forward. 'Would you like to surrender?'

The man looked afraid, but then he looked to the crowd watching him. He laughed. 'No way, we were just getting started.'

More laughter. The fools had convinced themselves that the martial artist was faking it. 'Very well,' said Kakarot 'your turn.'

'I know your secret,' said the martial artist. 'you've studied a little martial arts haven't you kid?'

'Underestimate of the century.' reflected Kakarot with a smile.

'Ah hah,' said the man 'I just knew it.'

'Lets just go.' said Kakarot.

The martial artist readied a punch, but before it could get halfway up Kakarot drop kicked him in the face, sending him reeling backwards. As he clutched his face, Kakarot walked up. 'Oh I'm sorry, I knew you had started. Its just that you were moving so slowly I kind of had to take advantage of the opportunity.'

The man turned around, eyes narrowed. 'You little nitwit!'

Then he launched a flurry of punches which Kakarot sidestepped with ease. 'Hmm, so are you deliberately wasting everyones time, or did that kick to the head do more damage than I thought?'

With a cry the man leaped into the air and descended with a knee strike that utterly failed to connect and ended up hurting his leg. To his credit he did not cry out in pain. Kakarot leaped into the air and kicked the wall, which shattered beneath the force of the blow, leaving a massive hole where the stonework had been.

The martial artist cowered. 'I… I surrender…'

Kakarot picked up the zeni. 'And I've got the cash!'

Then without another word he made his way through the terrified crowd and met Oolong, who offered him more cash. 'Nice work kid, here's your share. Just remember I gave you the chance to bargain for more.'

Kakarot took it. 'Thank you. Its clear that money is some kind of power source for this place, its really quite astounding.'

'Yeah well, cash makes the world go round.' reflected Oolong 'Hey, are you interested in making even more of it. Cause I have a bit of an idea.'

'I'm listening.' said Kakarot.

'Well see there are all kinds of underground tournaments.' said Oolong 'And there are all kinds of prizes and fighters. I could sign you up for a few of them, act as your manager. We'd make all kinds of cash.'

'Maybe later,' said Kakarot 'right now I need to find Bulma's house.'

'You mean the hot chick you were traveling with before?' asked Oolong. 'Whats her last name?'

'Briefs.'

'Erm!' Oolong blinked 'Bulma Briefs! You mean I almost kidnapped the daughter of one of the richest men in the world?!'

'Yep,' said Kakarot 'and I think he has connections to the Red Ribbon Army. So do you want to tell me where I can find her house, or shall I just tell her where you live when I find her on my own?'

'Look kid, I'm not a GPS okay.' said Oolong 'If you really want to find her, ask a policeman.' He checked his watch. 'Aw darn it, my breaks almost over! I gotta go!' He raced off, and Kakarot, having lost interest, let him go.

Kakarot walked off with more than a hundred thousand zeni, not exactly sure what to do with it. 'Now where am I supposed to find one of these policemen anyway?'

'Hey kid,' said a man 'come here for a second. I got a little question for ya.'

Kakarot looked up to see a man dressed all in green, with shorts a hat and what he could only assume were diving goggles. 'I don't care.' he said but he walked forward anyway.

'Step into my office.' he said, motioning to an alley.

Kakarot followed his direction and sure enough a humanoid boar in a yellow short emerged and he was surrounded. The green coated man drew a gun. 'Whatever you have, hand it over.' And he pointed the gun at Kakarot.

Kakarot smiled brightly. 'Ah, I've made a lot of money. I've humiliated an accomplished martial artist, and now I have the perfect opportunity to butcher two thugs who no one will miss.'

* * *

Outside the alley, a horrified screams was heard, followed by three gunshots. Then there was a gurgling noise and sickening crunching noises. Finally Kakarot emerged, covered in gore with a smile on his face as passerby's stare. 'Ah, could today get any better?'

He noticed a scantily clad blonde women near a corner, who stared as he approached. 'You there, harlot, I'm looking for a policeman. Can you tell me where one is?'

She stared opened mouthed, and finally pointed to where a gray haired man wearing a blue outfit was standing. 'I think there is one right over… over there…'

'Excellent,' said Kakarot, before giving her three thousand zeni. 'go home and rethink your life.' Then he walked onwards to where the policeman was standing. The man went wide eyed.

'Oh my god, kid are you alright?!' he asked 'I'll call a hospital rightaway!'

'Don't worry,' said Kakarot 'its not my blood. It belongs to the guys in that alley back there.'

'…Well then I'll call one for them then.' said the Policeman.

'Oh you don't have to do that,' said Kakarot cheerfully 'their dead.'

'Are they?'

'Yep, killed them myself.'

'…I'm compelled to ask how this happened?' he asked in shock.

'Well see I beat this really mediocre martial artist a fight and won one hundred thousand zeni, plus the money I got from Oolong's betting board. Then those two guys lured me into the alley in the expectation that they could threaten me and steal my cash. They drew a knife and a gun on me, so I brutally slaughtered them in self defense and hung them up by their entrails.'

'AAHH!' screamed a women 'He's being literal!'

The Policemen looked up, then down, then shook his head. It was at this point that Kami interceded and put much of his will into convincing the Policeman to let the thing pass. The last thing they needed was Kakarot going to jail. He'd probably break out and start a bank robbing spree. 'I… I think I'm supposed to arrest you here or something, but I'm just going to ask what you need my help for?'

Kami quickly set to work arranging for everyone to pay attention to everything except Kakarot's bloodstained visage.

'Oh I need to find a girl named Bulma Brief's.' said Kakarot.

'Ah, okay,' said the Policeman, eager to change the subject. 'I'm not really supposed to be doing this, but here it goes aye.' He drew out a machine which he searched through. 'There is only one Bulma Briefs on record. Is this her?' He showed her a picture of Bulma flashing a victory sign.

'Thats her.' said Kakarot.

'Whoa, golly, that there is the daughter of the Capsule Corporations president there!'

'I know.' said Kakarot. 'Now where does she live?'

'Its kind of far away,' said the Policeman, grabbing his bike. 'So I'll just give you a lift. Hop on aye, and careful with those bloody hands.'

'Am I paying for this service?' asked Kakarot.

'What the…' began the Policeman 'I don't take bribes.'

And just like that Kakarot and the Policeman were buzzing along the road at high speed, weaving between the lanes. As they did so the Policeman glanced back. 'You weren't fooling me about being a friend of that there girls, were you?'

'I don't like lying,' said Kakarot 'it tends to deceive people.'

They came off the free way and eventually came before a massive domed structure with blue glass doors. It towered over them, surrounded by a green lawn. Several smaller blue structures of similar shape were a little farther on. Kakarot looked at the sheer size, very impressed.

'That there is the place.' said the Policeman.

'And now I see why Bulma is so spoiled.' reflected Kakarot 'This place is gigantic.'

It had been an entertaining adventure for him, heading through the city. But now the time had come for them to get back on track, and plan what their next move against the Red Ribbon Army would be. And which dragonball they would go after next.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

I would just like to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the long delay. The truth is that I just kind of lost interest in dragonball for a bit and decided to focus on my warcraft fanfics. I'll try to get back into the groove now, and try to have the next one up soon.

I originally intended for this chapter to have Oolong and Kakarot start robbing banks and end up teaming up with Hasky, but I ultimately scrapped that idea. One of the reasons for the delay was because I wanted to reintroduce Oolong to the story in some form, and I wasn't sure how to do it. Thus what was intended to go wildly off the rails ended up more or less conforming to the original script. Except with a lot less generosity and a lot more murder.

I admit I got a bit lazy towards the end, and I may go back and alter this chapter later. For now, however, whats important is that the story has been updated.


	41. Master Thief Hasky

**Chapter Forty One: Master Thief Hasky**

Outside of Capsule Corp, Kakarot had an announcement to make.

'Bulma!' called Kakarot 'I have returned as promised!'

'Hey calm down,' said the Policeman 'you really don't have to yell like that you can step right up and use the intercom.'

'…Interwhat?' asked Kakarot doubtfully.

'Follow me,' said the Policeman, before leading him up to the door. Pressing a button he spoke. 'Uh… hello, good day. Uh… we're here to speak to Ms Bulma if she's available there please.'

'Bulma is not yet on the premises. She has not yet returned from her school day.'

'Wonderful,' said Kakarot 'assuming I can trust the talking pole we'll be here a while.'

'Huh, thats right.' said the Policeman 'Its not quite time for school to let out yet.' He looked to Kakarot. 'What now? Should we wait?'

'Yeah, I'll wait.' said Kakarot 'However I cannot see myself having any further use for you, so you may go now and die in whatever way seems best to you.'

'Hoho no,' said the Policeman 'how do I know that your her friend? I'd be in big trouble with the boss if I led a crook to the home of Dr Brief.'

'…Am I to take from your words that Dr Brief is of greater importance than a mere corporate CEO would ordinarily be.' said Kakarot.

'Well his inventions transformed our world completely.' said the Policeman. 'So he's something of a media celebrity. Capsule Corporation is one of the most important companies in the world. The Brief's are very influential. Its hard to believe that a strange little fellow like you would know them. One can never be too careful you know there.'

Kakarot sniffed at the air. 'Hey, I'm picking up Bulma's scent.'

'Huh, her scent.' said the Policemen, perplexed. 'I don't know son I don't smell anything there.'

Suddenly an abyssal sound which Kakarot believed was hard rock music echoed along the road as a hover cycle surged through the air. Atop it was Bulma, wearing pink gloves and motorcycle glasses. She ground to a halt before them.

'Its about time you showed up.' reflected Kakarot.

'Well look whose back!' snapped Bulma, taking off her glasses. 'You nearly got us all killed when you jumped out of that plane! How did you even open the cockpit, you'd have to break through like six safeties.

How did you even find me?'

'Well I almost didn't.' admitted Kakarot 'However Mr Police here gave me a ride.'

Bulma paused. 'Why are you covered in blood?'

'Oh this,' said Kakarot 'yeah I ran into a couple of guys trying to rob me blind. So I killed them and walked off.'

'Right…' said Mr Police 'so are you actually related to the Doctor Briefs?'

'Oh yeah,' said Bulma, glancing up. 'he's my dad.' Then she looked back to Kakarot. 'You do know that you aren't supposed to kill people just because they try to rob you?'

'Actually no I didn't.' admitted Kakarot 'Humans have odd customs. Whatever the case we have more pressing matters. We must discuss our plans for the Red Ribbon Army.'

'Fine whatever,' said Bulma 'lets just get you to take a shower first.'

Together they walked towards the doors. At that moment the Policeman spoke up. 'Wait, miss, I forgot to ask. Do you think you could take a look at my bike? It hasn't been running very well lately.'

'You know just because Bulma is related to a genius doesn't automatically mean she is one.' noted Kakarot.

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Bulma 'Yeah whatever, okay.'

As they walked onwards the Policeman raced after her. 'Hey is it a school holiday today? Did they let you out early?'

'I got bored so I skipped out.' she said casually.

'I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.' said Mr Policeman as they entered through the doors.

'You mean like your pretending that Kakarot isn't covered in the blood of two sentient creatures whose lives he ended for his own amusement?' asked Bulma.

'Yeah, like that.' said Mr Policeman.

'I'm home!' called Bulma as she walked in.

A robot that was busy cleaning the floors with a vacuum cleaner glanced up. 'Good afternoon Ms Bulma.'

'So where's my dad?' asked Bulma.

'Doctor Brief is currently located in the garden.' said the Robot.

'Oh okay,' said Bulma as she walked over to the elevator. 'you know I really liked the stuffed quail last night. Why don't you make some more for us tonight.'

'It would be my pleasure Ms Bulma?'

'What do you offer these robots as compensation for their services?' Inquired Kakarot.

'Oh we don't have to pay them.' said Bulma 'Their just robots Kakarot.'

'Oh so their a slave race.' surmised Kakarot. 'That explains why I haven't seen any in positions of authority.'

Bulma hit a number of buttons. 'Their not a slave race Kakarot. Their robots. Metal constructs programmed to obey their masters.'

'Just because they were created for the specific purpose of being a slave does not make them anything else.' replied Kakarot.

The door opened and they entered into a place which seemed like it belonged outside. The floor was of dirt and grass, except for a sidewalk which made its way through the room. There was a fancy fountain at the center which was spraying water everywhere, as cats and dogs raced back and forth.

'This is our first floor garden.' said Bulma casually.

'There are cats and dogs all over the place.' said the Policeman.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'my dad rescues unwanted animals, mostly dogs and cats and dinosaurs, and gives them a home here.'

They looked up and saw a flying dinosaur soar overhead, as a large herbivore dinosaur munched on some grass. One of them roared, and the Policeman cowered.

'Oh don't mind him,' said a voice, and they looked up to see a white haired man with a mustache riding towards them on a bicycle. He was clad in a white overcoat like those worn by scientists and had a friendly expression on his face.

'Dad, there you are.' said Bulma.

He pulled to a halt before them. 'Whose your guest?'

'I told you about him before.' said Bulma 'This is my friend Kakarot.'

'Yes, of course.' said Dr Briefs, before approaching Mr Policeman. 'I've heard a lot about you, but I thought you were just a little fellow. You certainly don't look twelve years old to me.'

'Uh… well y'see I'm-'

'Not him daddy!' cried Bulma.

'As a point of fact,' said Kakarot 'I am Kakarot.'

Dr Briefs turned to him. 'Oh so you're the boy!'

'More or less.' reflected Kakarot.

'That makes sense, you're much shorter!' said Briefs.

'This is the great scientist who invented the dino cap?' asked Mr Policeman 'Incredible.'

Bulma huffed, even as she blushed and she looked very cut when she did that.

'Your short but you look pretty strong.' said Dr Briefs.

'…I'm not that short.' said Kakarot. Then he noticed a fluffy black cat hanging from Dr Briefs shoulder. It mewed at him. '…Are you going to eat that?'

'Kakarot, cats are not for eating!' snapped Bulma. Then she stepped forward. 'We're going to go upstairs to my room now, after Kakarot takes a shower. Check out the policemans bike for him okay. Come on Kakarot.'

'Hey, no smooching up there you two.' said Dr Briefs. 'Understand.'

'No promises.' said Kakarot casually.

'You're so embarrassing!' cried Bulma.

'Thats my job.' said Dr Briefs.

* * *

Later, after taking a brief shower to wash the now dried blood that had caked onto his clothes and body from his skin, Kakarot made his way to Bulma's room and watched intently as Bulma worked on a new dragon radar. 'That looks difficult.' he reflected. 'Do you think it will work like the other one.'

'Its no problem Kakarot,' said Bulma 'see I figure that we've been clobbering these Red Ribbon Army guys no problem. So I figure that if we split up we can find the dragonballs in half the time.'

'Its a decent idea,' said Kakarot 'speaking of the Red Ribbon Army did you manage to find out why your Father is selling weapons to them?'

'He isn't,' said Bulma in an annoyed tone. 'turns out they have scientists illegally replicating our technology.' She looked away proudly. ''I shouldn't have had to tell you that, though, Capsule Corp is a respectable company.'

'Says the person who honestly didn't know.' muttered Kakarot.

'All done!' said Bulma 'We now have two dragon radars. With these we'll get the rest of them in no time.'

'Assuming the Red Ribbon Army doesn't become a legitimate threat, yes that is an accurate assessment.' said Kakarot ruefully. 'So are we going to-'

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Bulma.

'You didn't even know what I was going to say-'

'Your expression said it for you.' said Bulma 'Honestly kid, you are too young to be thinking about that kind of stuff.'

'Hey don't look at me,' said Kakarot 'whoever sent me here gave me very specific instructions as to how the whole thing works. Its literally ingrained in my mind.'

'Well its not happening,' said Bulma 'now we need to figure out whose going to go where.'

'Well with Launch gone,' said Kakarot 'it'll be groups of two. Puar will probably want to stick with Yamcha, so that leaves you and me.'

'And who says that I won't just let you find the dragonball on your own?' asked Bulma.

'I can't fly a plane.' said Kakarot.

'…Oh,' said Bulma 'right good point.'

'Oh my, you must be little Kakarot.' said an airy voice, and Kakarot looked up to see a blonde haired women clad in a low cut blue dress. Her lips were coated in red lipstick, and she was carrying a tray with two cups on it. 'How do you do, I'm Bulma's mother, Miss Briefs.'

'Mom!' cried Bulma 'What have I told you about coming into my room without knocking!'

'I'm sorry for all the noise,' said Miss Briefs 'but she's at that age. Well anyway would you like some refreshments?'

'Mom would you just leave us alone, okay?!' snapped Bulma.

'Oh, you are in such a mood!' cried Miss Briefs, before turning and walking away, as Bulma tore at her hair. She was very sexy when she was angry.

Kakarot considered how best to rile her up further. 'If I said your Mother had a beautiful body, would you hold it against-'

'Shut up Kakarot!' roared Bulma.

'Fine, whatever,' said Kakarot 'so where the hell are Yamcha and Puar anyway? I assumed that they were living here with you.'

'Well yes,' said Miss Briefs 'Yamcha and Puar should be around here somewhere. Yamcha and Bulma are having a little-' Then she stopped as Bulma set her hand to Miss Brief's mouth.

'Mother be quiet!' snapped Bulma.

'-a tiny little lovers tiff!' said Miss Briefs.

'Oh thats perfect.' said Kakarot.

'We don't need to talk about this!' said Bulma.

'Actually I want to talk about this, if only to annoy you.' said Kakarot.

'You see Yamcha and Bulma-' began Miss Briefs.

At that moment there came the cry of a thousand fangirls. 'Yamcha! Yamcha! Come out, we want to see you!'

'What the hell is that?' asked Kakarot. 'Whose making all that noise.'

'Well…' said Miss Briefs 'their back. That gaggle of screaming girls is Yamcha's fan club.'

Bulma was looking angrier, and sexier, by the second. Kakarot made his way over to the window and opened it to look down and see six girls of varying degrees of beauty crying out and proclaiming their undying love for Yamcha. 'Oh, so when I want a harem everyone tells me its not socially acceptable. But when Yamcha gets one its perfectly okay.'

'Its not okay!' roared Bulma.

'Oh come on, what are you getting so worked up about?' asked Kakarot 'Even if he were to sleep with every single one of them do you honestly think you'd ever end up anywhere but the top?'

Bulma's sexiness factor was rising to the stratosphere. She rushed to the window. 'Shut up, go away! Yamcha's not here and there's no telling when Yamcha will be back!'

'Hey,' snapped Bulma 'lets go! I'll take you sightseeing in the city!'

Kakarot followed behind her, reflecting that things were more or less going according to plan. 'So you see,' said Miss Briefs 'Yamcha's what they call a catch y'know. He's good looking and rich, that makes him popular with the girls and Bulma doesn't like it.'

'Just drop it!' roared Bulma.

'There's that temper again.' said Miss Briefs.

* * *

Within the office of General Red, Black came forward and set a number of pictures on the table. 'If the reports are true sir, it would seem that these teenagers defeated all the tower guards by themselves. General White's forces have been completely destroyed. In addition, they now seem to have two dragonballs in their possession, one from White, and one from Silver.'

'Do we know where Briefs is?' asked Red.

'Yes sir,' said Black 'we believe we have pinpointed her location.' He lowered a map and pointed to a section of it. 'According to our dragon radar he is located here, which puts him somewhere within the limits of West City.'

'West City?' asked Red with a smile. 'So he's right there in our Master Thief's home town, how unfortunate.'

'For him,' said Black 'I've given Hasky one million zeni as payment to find the dragonballs and return them to us, and promised her an additional five hundred thousand for the capture of Bulma Briefs.'

Red chuckled. 'Excellent.'

'Yes,' said Black 'and if past performance is any indication I have no doubt it is money well spent. Hasky has made a career out of successfully pulling jobs most would call impossible. Impenetrable security is merely a phrase to be proven wrong. In my opinion, the title Master Thief barely begins to describe this level of talent.

Last time, if you recall, we received our quarry ahead of schedule, and the authorities were left without a trace to follow. I believe I can say with confidence, Hasky will find the boy, and the dragonballs.'

Red just laughed some more.

* * *

Hasky had come to as she drove over a wasteland, blonde hair flying behind her as she moved at breakneck pace. She had a new mission, and she was being paid very well to accomplish it. She would find the dragonballs, and steal them. And nothing would stand in her way.

Soaring over a cliff, she descended on her hover cycle towards a dark blue lake as the sun beat down upon her. The thrill of falling from that height rushed through her, and she found herself filled with the joy that came only from the sensation of adrenaline rushing through her veins.

She landed on the water and gunned her engines, soaring across it while leaving waves behind her to splash onto the ground on either side. He target was in west city.

She lived for this.

The people of west city saw someone on a hover bike soar through the streets. They were wearing a purple outfit which showed off one of their long shapely legs, and head a helmet which concealed their face. As they weaved through traffic and pulled to a halt, they got off their bike. Pulling off the helmet, it revealed the face of a beautiful women with long golden hair and the face of an angel.

She tossed the helmet aside as men gawked at her and walked away. She'd steal a new bike and helmet later. She made her way to the run down apartment where two of her associates lived, picked the lock and entered it, before locking it again and waiting on the sofa for them to get back.

And waited. And waited. Eventually she began to realize that the apartment was a bit emptier than usual. It looked as though someone had been taking stuff out of it. At that moment the door opened, and on reflex she fired a shot against the door frame.

'Hasky!' cried the landlady. 'I'm not them!'

'You aren't my associates.' said Hasky in a smooth british accent. 'Do be kind enough to tell me where they are.'

'Oh,' said the landlady 'sorry I thought you knew.' She drew out a rolled up newspaper and tossed it to Hasky, who unrolled it.

The front page said:

 _'_ _Twelve year old child hangs two people up by their entrails then gets ride from the police, are friends of Capsule Corp immune from the law?_

 _This morning two men, a human and a boar, were found gruesomely mutilated within a back alley. Their eyes ears and tongues removed. Their intestinal cords had been pulled out, and used to hang them from the roof. The culprit is none other than Son Kakarot, a boy who made it to the semifinals of the World Martial Arts tournament._

 _When asked about his actions by a police officer, Kakarot simply replied that they had attempted to mug him for the money he had won from defeating a martial artist in a street brawl. Rather than take him into questioning, the Police Officer instead gave him free transportation to Capsule Corp. It should be noted that Kakarot was covered in the victims own blood._

 _This is far from the first time Kakarot has taken this kind of action. During the World Martial Arts tournament there were reports of him transforming into a giant monkey and threatening to destroy the world. Idle boasts which sent the crowds fleeing in terror. Were it not for the dubiously heroic actions of Jackie Chun {who is responsible for the destruction of the moon.} many innocent people could have been killed._

 _Despite this vast number of atrocities committed by this twelve year old, each one with a more flimsy justification than the last, no action has been taken to reign him in. The reason for this sorry state of affairs?_

 _His connection with Bulma Briefs, the daughter of Capsule Corporations founder and CEO. Though the exact details of how this odd friendship came about are not known, what is certain is this: If friends of influential people are to be allowed to get away with murder it will only weaken the rule of law.'_

Hasky looked at the pictures and went a little pale. Just who the hell was she up against here? Then she smiled. 'Well… this might be a challenge after all. And now I know right where to find them.'

* * *

Dr Brief's had been hard at work fixing the bike. Of course as soon as he'd looked at it, he'd seen all kinds of problems and inefficient design choices which just screamed for fixing. So he'd fixed those, and found yet more problems. And after that yer more problems. Finally he'd finished a general outline, though he thought he might want to check up on it later. He finished screwing in the last bolt and looked up. 'Alright, that ought to have it running. Good as new.'

'Thanks there Doctor Brief.' said Mr Policeman, as Kakarot and Bulma walked behind him. 'Good job.'

'Bulma, where are you off to?' asked Briefs.

Bulma glanced back in a fury. 'What difference does it make?!'

Then she and Kakarot stomped out. Briefs blinked. 'She's at that age.'

Bulma and Kakarot made their way out into the main courtyard, and Bulma almost immediately looked a lot less angry, and her sexiness levels dropped accordingly. 'Okay, what do you say we get moving? We've got a whole city to see.'

'Sure,' said Kakarot 'whatever you say. Where should we go first?'

'Come on,' said Bulma 'I'll take you to the biggest shopping mall in the city. Just follow my lead kid!'

'Oh yes, because your lead is usually so highly precise.' murmured Kakarot.

'Hey I have an idea,' said Bulma 'forget the shopping trip, there is an amusement park which just opened! We should totally go there!'

'…That sounds mildly more amusing than your first plan.' said Kakarot.

They walked onwards, but they could not have known they were being followed by Hasky, who walked about a block behind them.

The amusement park was a massive disk suspended in the air by a single pillar around which a tube spiraled up before entering into the top. It looked very impressive, but Kakarot doubted it would work very well as a

As they walked towards the amusement park, they came across a regular park that had been build just outside of its shadow. There they saw Yamcha and Puar. Kakarot and Bulma crept to the hedges and looked on. Bulma obviously didn't want to be seen, and Kakarot got an idea as he looked to Yamcha. Yamcha was wearing a loose white shirt and a red headband and looked to be practicing his stances.

'Hey Yamcha, how is it going?' called Kakarot as he emerged from the hedge.

'Hey Kakarot,' said Yamcha 'I see you managed your landing okay.'

'Did you already see Bulma?' asked Puar.

'Yeah, my first stop was Capsule Corp.' said Kakarot 'She was quite annoyed with you. I got the impression she didn't want to see you.'

'Did she… say that?' asked Yamcha.

'Yep.' said Kakarot casually.

Yamcha fell into a squatting position. 'So its just like I thought, she really doesn't like me anymore.'

'Nope.' agreed Kakarot.

'I personally think she's a spoiled brat.' said Puar. 'Everybody says so, and she's way too thin skinned! Every time you so much as have a girl look at you she flips out, but she feels free to oogle every guy she comes across.

You've put up with her long enough.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'I guess your right. I mean she's thoughtless, and hard to handle. But still, she's the only-'

'Well I'm so sorry I'm so awful!' cried Bulma.

'And just as planned.' muttered Kakarot as Bulma came forward.

Puar and Yamcha froze up. 'Wait… uh… Bulma I'm sorry.' said Yamcha.

Bulma turned away. 'We've gotta go right now.'

'Why?' asked Kakarot.

'We're still going to the amusement park, aren't we?!' snapped Bulma.

'Oh of course, whatever you like.' said Kakarot in a placating tone as he flashed Yamcha a victorious smirk.

'Hey, we're going to the same place!' said Yamcha 'How strange! What a coincidence! This is just so odd… isn't it Puar?'

'Ugh…' said Bulma 'It is so incredibly rude to talk badly about a girl behind her back!'

'Wait!' cried Yamcha 'I'm sorry!'

'Well I have been meaning to go and check this place out.' said Puar.

Suddenly Kakarot stopped and glanced back, feeling someones gaze upon him.

'Whats up Kakarot?' asked Puar.

'Nothing,' said Kakarot 'its nothing.'

He turned back to walk after Bulma.

* * *

From where she was watching behind a pillar, Hasky considered her options. _'So, Kakarot is it? Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Even if it is only for the last day of your life. They tell me you're pretty powerful kid, but I won't give you the chance to do to me what you did to my associates. Those dragonballs are as good as mine._

 _Wait and see.'_

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well here we have another update in better time than the last one. We're not quite up to one a day level again, but thats a little much to ask for. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Even in the original show it was pretty fillerish, merely establishing the conflict, rather than concluding it. I've always felt that Hasky could have been used for more.

I myself have some rather elaborate plans for her character. But those will have to wait.


	42. The Meaning of Life

**Chapter Forty Two 42: The Meaning of Life**

The climb up to the great amusement park in the sky gave them a clear look at the city stretching out far below them. It was quite interesting, to see everything so small below him. Yet even more interesting were the stairs beneath his feet.

'Moving stairs?' asked Kakarot 'Now that is something I wasn't expecting.'

Realizing he had gotten rather far ahead of the others he began stepping backward experimentally, so that he remained still in place while his friends drew steadily nearer. Soon enough he halted as he came alongside Puar.

'Hey Kakarot, what do you think the meaning of life is?' asked Puar.

'To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.' Kakarot answered instantly.

'I probably should have expected that kind of answer.' mused Puar sadly.

Far behind Bulma and Yamcha were remaining silent, not speaking to one another. Gradually as they drew nearer the top, an enthusiastic sort of music began to play around them. Soon even Bulma had forgotten the spat as they came into a great hall flashing with countless lights on a black background. They marveled and sighed in wonder as they raced by him.

'This is really cool.' said Puar.

'My god… its full of stars!' said Bulma. Silence as everyone stared at her. 'Really? I… I'm the only one. Has nobody here seen _A Space Odyssey?'_

'I grew up in the woods eating fish, what were you expecting?' asked Kakarot.

'I had a very sheltered upbringing.' said Puar.

'I grew up in the desert robbing people.' said Yamcha.

'I'm still not talking to you Yamcha!' shouted Bulma.

They came out into the open into a wide open field beneath a dome of glass. Many buildings could be seen here and there, and in the center Kakarot saw a great spire of marble, and standing atop it was a women with her hand raised to the sky. 'She truly is beautiful, I wonder how she was turned to stone.'

'Thats a statue, Kakarot.' said Bulma.

'And she was clearly transformed into a statue by the same witch that ensnared Master Roshi with a television! Probably with some kind of wand! Does her depravity know no bounds! What is next, always winter and never christmas?!'

'I'm just going to give up now.' said Bulma.

They came before a wall with a gate that was barred by a violet haired women in a green outfit. 'Welcome everyone,' she said 'please have your tickets ready.'

'Where are they?' asked Puar.

'I have them,' said Bulma, searching through her pockets.

Kakarot walked forward.

'Welcome to dreamland,' she said 'tickets please- hey!'

Kakarot passed ten thousand zeni into her hand. 'I don't need to follow the rules. I have money.'

'Um… okay.' said the women 'You know, I could probably just buy a ticket with some of this for you and then I wouldn't have to break the rules.'

'Don't worry,' said Bulma 'I already have tickets for him.' She handed them in, and they walked onwards.

'That was really generous of your, Kakarot.' said Puar.

'Its just money,' said Kakarot 'a bit of ink squirted onto paper to symbolize the abstract concept which is currency. I'm entirely self sufficient and I don't really need it. So why be stingy?'

'Where did you get that kind of cash anyway?' asked Bulma.

'Oh I met up with Oolong and scheduled a fight.' said Kakarot 'He took some bets, I won the prize money, and we both made a killing.'

'Oolong?' said Bulma. 'You mean that pig who was kidnapping young girls in that village and scamming people?'

'Thats the one,' said Kakarot.

'Weren't you bullied by a pig named Oolong in shapeshifting class?' asked Yamcha.

'Yeah,' said Puar 'but he was expelled for stealing the teachers panties.'

* * *

Meanwhile far behind on the stairs, Hasky was following behind. Mentally she scanned over her options, trying to come up with a means by which she could achieve the dragonballs. As she came to the top, she noticed that there was someone requesting tickets. Quickly walking forward, she swiped tickets from a group of passerby's all three, just to prove she could, and made her way through the line.

She was somewhat annoyed by the lack of praise. She hadn't really needed those goons for her operation, but having an audience to flatter her was appealing. And now said audience had been hung up by its entrails. She felt a bit insecure about that.

No, she could do this. She was a Master Thief.

She tagged on after them for some time, riding a rollercoaster in the process. As she did so, she found the sensation of the air flowing past her dull. She'd been in far more thrilling straights. She watched as Kakarot practiced balancing on top of a giant ball. As an experiment, Hasky removed a walnut from her bag and hurled it at the glass. It bounced off and soared towards Kakarot's head from behind. Yet Hasky realized it seemed to be going almost in slow motion. She could follow its ascent the whole way.

She could see as Kakarot moved his hand up and caught it. She really should have expected that, he was too clever for that kind if trick. Yet she wondered why she felt a sense of familiarity with him. With all of them.

The whole group, she felt like she knew them as more than just marks. It was odd.

* * *

Kakarot had been having a surprising amount of fun at the amusement park. It had drawn out that oddly innocent side of his which had manifested itself when working with Eighter. Then someone threw something at him and he caught it. He looked at the walnut and at once glanced around. Yet he saw nothing. As he did so, Puar made her way up to him.

'Whats wrong, Kakarot? Why did you stop?'

'I feel like we're being watched.' admitted Kakarot.

'Well there are thousands of people here.' mused Puar.

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'you're right. Its probably nothing.'

'This is going to be much easier than I thought.' said Hasky from where she was hiding. 'No problem, I've got this.' She paused. 'Stop talking to yourself!'

Yamcha and Bulma were giving each other the silent treatment. Yamcha was sitting by a table, nursing a soda while Bulma was standing some distance away, staring into a mirror. After a time, Kakarot made his way up to Yamcha's table and sat down, sipping a soda of his own. Silence stood between them.

'So, I notice you and Bulma don't seem in any hurry to get back together again.' noted Kakarot in a voice of sympathy. 'Have you considered setting her free?'

'Why?' asked Yamcha, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

'Well if she really loves you, she'll come back.' mused Kakarot.

'Yeah, it sounds like it might work with homing pigeons but not girls.' Bulma glanced back and walked off in a huff.

'You know, complaining does not appeal to anyone, male or female Yamcha.' said Kakarot.

Yamcha looked up. 'Complaining? I never complain! Do I complain about how every time we meet you've committed some new atrocity on your fellow man?! Do you complain about how you turn into a giant monkey and constantly try to destroy my world?!'

'Our world.' mused Kakarot.

'Yes, our world!' said Yamcha 'Where I do have a problem is your plan to ruin my relationship with Bulma?!'

'You seem to be doing a pretty good job of ruining it yourself.' mused Kakarot 'I merely put her into a position to hear you talking about her behind her back. The words you spoke were your own.'

'Why you-'

'Excuse me,' said a smooth british accent.

It was at this moment that a beautiful blonde haired women, wearing a pink headdress and pink baggy pants under a black vet and baggy white shirt appeared, sitting down very near to Yamcha.

'Launch?' said Kakarot 'What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were off robbing banks not impersonating theme park staff.'

'I… don't think thats Launch, Kakarot.' said Yamcha 'I mean she looks a bit similar but uh…'

'She smells exactly the same.' replied Kakarot.

'I'm terribly sorry, little boy.' said Launch. 'You seem to have mistaken me for someone else. I am a traveling seer, and I can see into the hearts and minds of those who I meet to know their destiny.

Do you have a destiny? If you will allow me, I shall help you learn.'

Kakarot closed his eyes and sighed. 'Okay, I guess you at some point picked up a _third_ split personality. I'm game, tell me my… ahem… destiny.'

'Right this way.' said Launch.

* * *

Later within an elaborate domed palace with three towers and a onion shaped roof, Launch was sitting in front of them with a crystal ball before her upon a violet cushion. A background was behind them of stars and planets.

'Wow,' said Yamcha 'you really can tell a persons fortune?'

'Yes,' said Launch 'so could my great grandmother. I guess I got the talent from her.'

'Who did you murder so you could make all this up?!' asked Kakarot, almost impressed. Almost.

'I can see both the past and the future.' said Launch. 'Everything.'

'Okay, I'm leaving.' said Kakarot.

'Why don't you let her tell your fortune, Kakarot?' asked Yamcha.

'Why would I want to waste money on that?' asked Kakarot.

'You said that money didn't matter to you.' said Puar.

'Which should give you an idea of of just how little regard I have for Launch's fortune telling skills.' mused Kakarot.

'I told you,' said Launch 'my names not Launch! Now do you want your fortune told or not?!'

'No!' said Kakarot. 'No I don't want my fortune told, because future sight is completely useless! Lets say I see a vision that this entire place is going to blow up! And I become obsessed with preventing this place from blowing up! The only result will be that I will indirectly create the situation which leads to it blowing up!

I don't need the stress!'

'Oh.' said Launch 'Are you quite sure, because I had rather banked everything on you saying yes?'

'Positive,' said Kakarot 'now drop the accent will you?'

'Okay,' said Launch 'okay I can improvise.' She stood up and opened the top to an urn, before hauling a bald man bound and gagged out of it and setting an armor piercing pistol to his skull. 'Hand over the dragonballs or I blow the real fortunetellers brains out!'

Absolute silence.

'Well that was abrupt.' said Puar.

'Ha!' said Kakarot 'I told you she was Launch! Thats the same gun Launch took from General White!'

'Maybe you don't hear so good!' snapped Launch, some measure of her usual voice creeping in. 'Hand over the dragonballs!'

'See, this is more in character for you.' mused Kakarot.

'Kakarot this is serious!' said Yamcha 'She has that guy hostage!'

'Eh, its no problem.' said Kakarot 'I don't know him, and we already established that nobody wanted their fortunes told.'

'Its a problem for him!' snapped Launch, putting the gun near the mans eye.

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'but I don't care.'

Silence once again. Launch looked at Kakarot hard, and Kakarot put his hands in his pocket and began to whistle without concern. Then he looked at her. 'So are you going to kill this guy or what? I've got places to-'

At that moment Puar transformed into a towel and wrapped herself around Launch's face. The fake fortune teller dropped her gun and grasped at Puar, pulling her off and throwing her against the curtain, which fell down and landed with a crash, covering Puar. Then Yamcha was upon her.

'Wolf fang fist!'

British Launch was slammed hard and sent flying against the wall, which cracked with the force. She landed with a crash, stunned and Yamcha halted. 'You okay Puar?'

'Yes,' said Puar as she emerged. 'just a little stunned.'

'That was some quick thinking you did.' said Yamcha 'Lets get this guy untied and call the police.'

'Yeah, lets not put Launch in jail.' said Kakarot 'I don't imagine that she'll be staying there very long, and she'll be rather annoyed with us.'

'Ugh…' said Launch, voice returning to that of her blonde self. 'what the hell happened? And… why I am dressed in this stupid outfit! What the hell is the big idea you punks?!'

'Launch?!' said Yamcha in surprise. 'Its really you?'

'Who else would I be?' asked Blonde Launch 'Hey, what the hells going on here? Usually I'm the one who makes a mess that Blue Launch wakes up to. This is real non standard ya dig.'

'Um…' Yamcha paused. 'you manifested a third personality with a british accent that kidnapped a fortune teller, took his place in an elaborate attempt to steal Kakarot's dragonballs. When that fell through you took the fortune teller hostage, and I had to wolf fang fist you into the wall.'

'And I helped.' said Puar.

'And thats just hilarious.' said Kakarot 'Because it was so totally unnecessarily elaborate. You could have just picked my pocket like you did to those other guys, gotten the dragonball that way and been long gone before anyone was the wiser.

This plan was way too complicated.'

'I don't make plans.' said Launch 'I let my gun do the talking. Now we'd better make sure the fortune teller over there doesn't talk.'

'On it,' said Kakarot before walking up to the still gagged man. 'now here's the deal. You never tell anyone about what happened here today and you'll walk out of here with just one broken bone. Well maybe more than that, eh no more than six. Actually I'm not really sure I should say, because Launch is gonna want to break your fingers and who knows what I'm going to do to you.

So your going to die, we get off scot free and everyone is happy. Except you of course, but no one cares what you think. And don't worry, your family will be completely safe. For awhile, but for your information I intend to obliterate this wretched world soon enough, so just be glad your miserable life will be cut short before you can witness the untold horrors I shall inflict upon the unworthy-'

Launch shoved Kakarot aside. 'Don't listen to him! Keep yer mouth shut, you live! Don't, I put a bullet in yer head! Ya got me?!' She pointed a gun at his face, and the man mmphed. Launch removed his gag.

'Yes!' said the Fortune Teller. 'I understand! Just don't kill me please!'

'How the HFIL did I end up playing the good cop?!' asked Launch incredulously.

* * *

Later that afternoon the group made their way back to Capsule Corp, in contemplative silence. Launch had gone off on her own again, while Puar seemed in an absolutely foul mood. 'Kakarot,' said Puar suddenly. 'do you know why it is we never get to go anywhere nice? Because of stuff like this.'

'How is any of this my fault?' asked Kakarot.

'Guys,' said Yamcha 'I think I should go back to look for Bulma.'

'Are you kidding?' asked Kakarot 'We looked everywhere for her, she probably just got kidnapped or something its no big deal.'

'Then what is your concept of a big deal, the end of the world?!' asked Yamcha.

'I would consider that more of a long term goal than a big deal.' said Kakarot.

'Here's Bulma now.' said Puar.

Bulma looked equal parts furious and determined as she walked out. 'Alright people form up! We've got work to do!' she snapped. 'The Red Ribbon Army is trying to get the dragonballs and we're not going to let it happen!'

'Uh… when did you become the leader-' began Kakarot.

'Shut up!' snapped Bulma, before passing a dragon radar to Yamcha. 'This is a second dragon radar Yamcha. You and Puar are going to go after the dragon radar far to the north of here.' She passed a box of capsules. 'You will use this box of capsules for transportation. Kakarot and myself will head to the one in the sea around Master Roshi's island.

If all goes as planned we'll be able to steal both dragonballs before the Red Ribbon Army can lay hands on them! And when we get the dragonballs I am going to wish for a man who doesn't have a fan club! Do you understand?!'

'Yeah, I think so.' said Yamcha 'But are you sure-'

'Do you understand!' snapped Bulma.

'Yes.' said Yamcha.

Bulma turned away. 'Lets go Kakarot.'

Kakarot blinked as Bulma threw a capsule which transformed into a plane. Then he walked forward. 'I guess I'll see you guys.'

'Kakarot,' said Yamcha.

'Yeah,' said Kakarot.

'Stop killing people!'

'No promises.' said Kakarot, before, on a whim, he tossed Yamcha a dragon ball. 'Keep it safe for me, will ya?'

Thus it was that Bulma and Kakarot flew out from Capsule Corporation into the fading sunlight. The sea was bathed in red light as they flew onwards, on to another adventure. This, Kakarot reflected, was better than any amusement park.

'Alright!' said Bulma 'Forward ho! Its you and me, partner! Just like old times!'

Yes, yes it was.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Well this chapter ended differently from how I was expecting. Its somewhat like the Roaming Lake, in that it needlessly demotes a cool character to loser so Goku could come in and save them, {and completely ignores the fact that Yamcha had gotten over his fear of girls by this point in the plot.} but it had enough original content for me to adapt it.

By the way I promise an explanation about Hasky and Launch being the same person is forthcoming, its just not here yet. And by the way, if you scan over previous chapters carefully, you will be able to figure out the gist of what exactly Hasky is. For those who don't want to read carefully, I will spell it out at a later date.

Just for the record, its still consistent with canon. In canon, Yamcha had never met Launch, so he had no reason to suspect her presence. Meanwhile Goku in canon… isn't exactly bright. If Krillin had been there, he probably would have detected Launch.

Also, thank god I'm done with this fucking disc! Every time I start up the DVD on my computer, I have to watch the same stupid Sergeant Frog advertisement. Every. Flipping. Time. I've been trying to get past the Hasky saga for some time now.

Now as for why I'm splitting up the group. See, upcoming is one of the sagas which gives Krillin and Bulma both a chance to shine quite effectively in a manner which rarely occurs. If I brought Puar and Yamcha along, Yamcha's higher power level would result in Krillen being demoted to extra. I have my own plans for Yamcha and Puar, just for the record, which tie into the Tien Shinhan cameo earlier in the story.

Oh and there are a number of pop culture references in this episode because why not. Enjoy and I hope to see you review.


	43. Bulma snaps

**Chapter Forty Three: Bulma snaps**

Bulma and Kakarot flew their plane over a massive waterfall pouring down a rocky landscape, following their dragon radars coordinates. Later they passed over a long red bridge crossing a massive lake. Below they saw sailing ships floating too and fro on whatever business their crews had in mind. The mountains loomed around them, majestic and tall. Finally they crossed out over the seas, and flew over the endless expanse of blue.

Kakarot yawned. He'd been up all night, looking at the dragon radar. 'We made it to the ocean, Bulma.'

'Okay,' said Bulma, looking tired. 'what does the dragon radar say?'

'Just keep going straight.' said Kakarot. 'How long do you think it'll be?'

'At the rate we're going,' said Bulma 'I'd say forever. Let me just hit the thrusters okay. This is a special kind of plane.' Pressing a button, the plane suddenly shot forward at a massive rate, surging across the ocean at a massive rate.

Within the Red Ribbon Army HQ, General Red pet his creature affectionately while watching the one dragonball heading south and the other heading north. 'I wonder if that kid has any idea what she's getting herself into.'

'I seriously doubt it.' said Black 'That island base is top secret. She's probably just following her radar.'

'Look how fast she's going.' said Red, his hand crushing down on his pet. 'Damn brat, I want her caught!' His pet, irritated by him shoving it down, slipped out and bit him on the hand. Red hissed. 'Have you sent out an image of the boy like a told you?'

'Yes sir.' said a Red Ribbon Officer.

'Good,' said Red 'Blue will be ready for him.'

'I don't want Briefs escaping that island except in our custody!' said Red 'This time the element of surprise is on our side!' He chuckled to himself.

* * *

Blue examined himself in the mirror. His short blonde hair was combed neatly, and his blue pants and tan uniform fit him well. A bandolier was across his chest and covered by a red tie and his blue eyes were wonderful as always. He was indeed, as beautiful as the roses reflected in the mirror alongside him.

'Perfect,' he said.

'General Blue sir!' said a man. 'A communication has come from our sub marine!'

'I'll be right there.' said Blue. 'Stay put.' He put on his blue sash, and set a cap on his head before chuckling to himself.

Later as he walked through the halls alongside a tiger soldier he spoke. 'So they haven't found it yet? Thats the big news?'

'Uh… I'm afraid so sir.' said the man.

'You people are lame.' said Blue. 'Do I have to do everything for you?'

'But sir,' said the tiger as they entered the control room. 'our dragon radar stinks. Its true, it only gives us the General area the balls are in! Its just too vague sir!'

The control room was a moderate sized room, crammed tight with all kinds of radar equipment and sensor data that was kept working all day. Yet something was wrong, for some reason it had not been enough. 'I'm tired of excuses.' said Blue. Then he saw something, something so heinous he could scarcely believe his eyes. A man with his finger in his nose. Blue pointed. 'Thats why you can't find it!'

'Huh?' asked the man.

'You're too busy picking your noses!' cried Blue.

The man stood to attention fear in his eyes and a booger on his finger. 'Please sir, I wasn't-'

'Fool!' said Blue, raising a cloth to his nose. 'You're holding the evidence! Take him away! Execute him!'

Guards moved forward and grabbed the man by the arms, dragging him out the door as the man pleaded and begged for mercy. The door closed and moments later there was a sound of gunfire. Blue looked to a soldier. 'You, hop to! Douse that station!'

'Yes sir!' said the soldier, before beginning to spray it with cleaning chemicals.

'Sir,' said a ferret soldier 'a message! Its in code direct from HQ.'

'Headquarters?' asked Blue.

'Yes General,' said the ferret. 'Bulma Briefs is on her way here.'

'What?' said Blue 'The girl?' He brought a finger to his chin. 'Coming here? Well this should be fun.'

'But General,' said a crocodile. 'she and her friends destroyed the White Corps and the Silver Corps singlehandedly.'

'But not Blue, right?' Inquired Blue.

'Ah!' said the Crocodile 'Of course not sir! No!'

'Silver and White lost the fight.' said Blue 'Didn't they?' He brought up a picture of Bulma, flashing a victory sign over the prone forms of many Red Ribbon soldiers. 'But now we'll see what Blue can do.'

* * *

Meanwhile, Kakarot and Bulma soared over a series of islands dotting the blue ocean far below. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and seagulls could be seen flying here and there. Bulma had had to turn the air conditioning on some hours ago, due to the rising heat from the beating sun far above.

'We're almost there.' said Kakarot 'We're nearing the island now.'

'Finally,' said Bulma 'I was getting really sick of driving this plane, y'know.'

Kakarot glanced out the window and saw large winged creatures flying beneath the waves. 'Interesting, underwater birds.'

'Those are giant rays, silly.' said Bulma, flying low so they could see as the creatures dove out of the water, soaring above the waves for a moment before plunging back in again.

'I never knew the world contained such wonders.' reflected Kakarot.

One of the creatures soared out of the water with a smaller one directly below it. As one they descended and splashed into the water, getting the wind shield covered in water. Bulma pulled up, as the water was swept away by the wind.

'Wow, that was close.' she said.

'Land the plane.' said Kakarot suddenly.

'Hmm?' asked Bulma.

'The ball is right below us.' explained Kakarot.

'Uh… Kakarot,' said Bulma 'there is nothing below us but water.'

'Well then its probably beneath the waves, isn't it?' asked Kakarot. 'Just find an island where we can land and prepare to delve beneath the depths. Maybe we'll find some kind of eldritch horror which gazing upon the true form of would drive one into gibbering insanity.'

* * *

Mr Popo looked up. 'Hmm?'

* * *

'Don't be silly Kakarot,' said Bulma 'that sort of thing only happens in overrated cosmic horror books. You know, the sort whose authors are too lazy to write up a description so that just write 'it was beyond comprehension.' She sighed. 'Still kid, your right. We'll need a home base. That island will do.'

She turned the plane and began her descent. As they did so, Bulma noticed something. 'Check it out down there, Kakarot. Its a boat.'

Kakarot looked where she was motioning with her head, and sure enough there was a yellow boat, bearing the emblem of the Red Ribbon Army. Then they landed, and the cockpit opened. Bulma stepped out of it, stretching as Kakarot leaped out as well.

'Look out world!' said Bulma 'The dragonball gang is here!'

'Dragonball gang?' asked Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'y'know, you me Yamcha, Puar, and Chi Chi. We'll need a name sooner or later if we keep adventuring like this.'

'I guess.' said Kakarot.

Bulma stretched out her arms and legs. 'Man, what a relief to be able to stretch at last.'

'I'll just go get the dragonball and be right back.' said Kakarot.

Bulma laughed. 'Oh you just want little old me to stay right here, is that it?'

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'I mean if you want a go at swimming down to get it, I won't stop you but I figure it'll be quicker if I do it.'

'Forget it kiddo,' said Bulma, rummaging around in her bag. 'we've got better ways to find dragonballs then swimming.'

'I like swimming.' said Kakarot.

'Well I've got dino caps.' said Bulma, drawing out a purple box. 'Now, see, instant submarine!' She opened it. Then there was a squeal of surprise.

'Whats wrong?' asked Kakarot.

'This!' said Bulma 'All my capsules are gone except this one!' She pulled out a lone blue capsule. 'Oh no…' The box fell from her grip. 'This is dads. We must have gotten ours mixed up?'

'Just give it a try.' said Kakarot. 'We might just luck out.'

'I wish.' said Bulma 'But I seriously doubt it!' She brought the capsule up to her face. 'Kakarot, I have a bad feeling about this.'

'Just try it for the love of Kami!' snapped Kakarot. 'Or put it back and let me work!'

'Well… maybe…' said Bulma, a tone of dread in her voice. 'Its possible I guess…'

'Just do it!' snapped Kakarot.

'Alright!' she said 'Here goes!' She clicked it and threw it.

It landed and exploded into countless magazines which landed. Kakarot caught one and began to read through it. 'Hmm, someone has trapped these women in erotic poses. This is certainly a creative and appreciable form of witchcraft. Now if only there were some way to get them out.'

'Give me that!' snapped Bulma, snatching it from his hands.

'Wait!' said Kakarot 'We should take these to Master Roshi! He might know a way to undo the curse!'

'Shut up Kakarot, you're not that naive!' said Bulma 'Roshi would just oogle at them, and demand I do him some humiliating favor in exchange for borrowing a… sub…' She looked down at the magazines. 'I've got an idea. We can go to Master Roshi, and trade these to him in exchange for one of his subs.'

'Or,' said Kakarot 'we could keep that plan in reserve, and I could try to get the dragonball by swimming down, and not travel across the sea in a meaningless detour.'

'Just go!' snapped Bulma.

Kakarot began to swim off as Bulma fell to a kneel. 'Isn't there a man on this planet with a shred of decency! Ugh! My own Father!' After a moment she stood up and looked out to sea. 'What am I supposed to do while he's gone?' Then an idea occurred to her, and she snatched up her bag. 'If there was a boat there must be people! And where there are people, there is shopping!' And she rushed off into the woods.

The ocean extended beneath Kakarot in an endless abyss that got darker and darker, and deeper and deeper. No matter how far he swam, passing fish of all shapes and sizes, he could not see the bottom. It was magnificent, in its own way. The worlds beauty once again manifested itself to him.

Yet soon he began to run out of air. He sped up his pace to no avail, and choking finally swam up again in desperation. At last he freed himself from the water, gasping for air. 'Damn, its too deep. We'll have to use Bulma's plan.'

Swimming with all his might, he returned to the shore. 'Okay Bulma, you were right. It is too deep to swim. We'll need one of those submarines you spoke of… and she's gone. Typical really.'

Bulma pressed on through the island, every so often pausing to admire the ferns and tropical trees which grew here and there. The sound of birds chirping, and other creatures was everywhere. 'If there is a resort around here,' said Bulma to herself. 'it might even have the dino caps I need. Kakarot is strong, but I don't think he realizes how deep it is in the ocean.'

Seeing a group of blooming flowers she kneeled by it, and examined them. 'Wow, what pretty flowers.' At that moment a lizard appeared from between them and hissed at her. 'Eeek!'

Bulma punched the lizard, and it went flying away into the bushes perhaps twenty feet away. 'I'm starting to think this island is deserted. Those scuba divers must have come from a ship or something.' She stood up and gazed around. 'It feels so empty…'

Then she heard the hum of engines, and saw two hover coptors flying towards her. 'There is someone here!' she cried 'Hey! Down here! Hello! Hi!'

And then they started shooting machine guns at her. Bulma turned and ran as the dirt behind her was kicked up by lead delving into it. She fled through the trees, wondering just who was responsible for all this!

'Why me!' she snapped 'Why me!'

'Stop right there!' cried a voice over loudspeaker. 'Thats far enough!'

'Hey,' said another 'its a doll! Whats she doing down here!'

'Yeah,' said the other 'roger that.'

They began to lower before Bulma, who took a deep breath like Yamcha had taught her and got ready. Closing her eyes she focused, focused on calling on her own strength. She'd wait for them to get close, then she'd strike. Quick, and efficient, just like muscle tower.

'Stay right there or we'll shoot!' cried one.

Bulma sank to her knees as they descended before her and landed. Setting foot onto the ground, a portly dark skinned man and a olive skinned slim man emerged, wearing the emblem of the Red Ribbon Army. Bulma waited as they got closer and closer, waiting for her chance while keeping her eyes closed.

'Well what do we have here?' asked the olive skinned one.

'Just a frightened girl,' said the black one 'sorry about that. We thought you were someone else.'

Thought she was someone else. It was so outrageous Bulma completely forgot about her plan to beat them to a pulp and stood up. 'What? This was all a mistake? Jerks, whats the big idea?! I could have been killed?!'

'Hey, relax babe.' said the olive skinned one.

'You shot at me!' snapped Bulma. They were anything but apologetic.

'Come on,' said the black one 'cut us a little slack girl, we were following orders.'

'Thats right,' said the olive skinned one. 'we're soldiers, military studs.'

Bulma decided that, in her infinite patience, she would see past their assault on her and cut them a _lot_ of slack. 'I see.' said Bulma 'Well hey, my names Bulma. I'm looking for a place to shop. Maybe find myself a sub marine at a discount?'

'A sub marine?' asked the olive skinned one.

'I like to sight see.' said Bulma. 'Y'know, look at all the reefs.'

'You can't even buy capsules here, babe.' said the olive skinned one. 'This islands deserted.'

'No way!' said Bulma 'Well darn, how strange, I wonder whose boat that was.'

Their smiles widened, and Bulma didn't like the look of them one bit. They shared a glance, and she liked that even less.

'Oh well.' said Bulma 'See you then.'

'Hold on,' said the olive skinned one. 'you're under arrest. For being too pretty.'

'No joke,' said the black skinned one. 'what a crime.'

'Gosh!' said Bulma, feigning being flattered out of habit. 'You men think I'm pretty huh?'

'Uh huh,' said the black man 'very pretty.'

'Wow, you soldiers made my day.' said Bulma 'Thank you!' And she winked at them.

She was acting of course, but on some level Bulma realized that a Bulma briefs in a parallel universe who had not been through the kinds of things she had been through would have been genuinely flattered. Dear god parallel Bulma was unbearably naive, assumed the whole universe revolved around her finding a boyfriend.

'We did, eh?' asked the olive skinned one.

The black one made a sound approaching a laugh. 'Hey, chicka baby, lets have some fun okay.'

'Fun?' asked Bulma in a false naive tone as she took a stance and they got closer. 'Hey, easy does it there boys, you really don't want to do this.'

'Oh but you do.'

It had come to this then. After finding out that her Father read tons of pornography, Bulma Briefs had unintentionally stumbled into the beginnings of a pornographic story, and she was the unfortunate girl who got raped into a mindless nymphomaniac. Bulma looked at the weights on her arms and reflected that she didn't need to remove them to take care of these guys. Then suddenly she realized that she didn't really care. She she gave them a come hither smirk, and struck a pose.

'Why don't you let me take something off first!' she said in a seductive tone.

Their smiles widened and they cheered as she took off her wristbands, then removed her weighted vest. 'You're the best babe!'

'Just you wait.' she said, smile turning savage.

Their cheers suddenly turned to screams as she came upon them.

* * *

Kakarot was wandering through the island, looking for Bulma. 'Where the hell is she? I mean I was only gone a few minutes, I've been looking-'

Then came the screaming. Horrified, tortured screaming of unfathomable agony. His heart had made that sound when he witness his father, his world being consumed by the flames of an evil beyond all imagination. So what could possibly elicit such sheer horror in the real world?

Kakarot suddenly realized that he must confront this creature, whatever it was, or else all that was good in the universe would perish. He ran towards it, thought he was terrified beyond measure.

* * *

General Red looked up from his lunch to hear a terrible sound, and felt absolutely no sympathy for the one it was being inflicted upon. 'What in the blazes is that noise?! I want this room sound proofed! Can't a fellow eat in peace?!'

* * *

Many light years away, within his ship, Babidi was shaken. He looked up, hearing a sound beyond any horror which he had inflicted, or even intended to inflict on any soul. Even Supreme Kai would not warrant the sheer torment which was now being perpetuated upon whatever creature was now suffering at the hands of an unknown entity.

'What is that noise?' asked Babidi.

'Master Babidi,' said Dabura, somewhat shaken. 'should we… uh… subvert whoever is responsible for this?'

'…No,' said Babidi 'I think we'd best keep away from earth for the next uh… two hundred, three hundred years. Time enough for that creature to die of old age you know. Best not to blight the universe, and its not like a being powerful enough to bring back Majin Buu will appear in that time anyway.'

'Yes,' said Dabura 't-that seems wise.'

* * *

And in a far possible future, Android 18 and 17 looked up from their mindless game of destruction to hear something so horrifying that it suddenly took all the fun out of the mass slaughter currently in progress.

'Holy shit!' said Seventeen 'You hear that sis?'

'I suddenly find myself with a set of standards.' said 18. 'It frightens me.'

'We gotta step up our game!' said 17, before blowing up a building full of orphans.

* * *

Kakarot came to a halt before the source of the screaming. Words could not adequately describe the horrors which had been inflicted upon those unfortunate souls whom whatever it was had slain. Their bodies were somehow totally disfigured, yet completely recognizable. Blood was everywhere for hundreds of feet, and yet still more of it was dripping down from their corpses, their faces frozen in a look of absolute horror. Were they hanging by their entrails? Then how could their entrails be on the ground over there, and hanging from a tree across from Kakarot all at once.

Time and space itself had warped, he stood now in a closed circle of carnage and terror which dwarfed all rational comprehension. And standing in the midsts of it, near two destroyed red ribbon army machines, was Bulma Briefs. She didn't have a speck of blood on her, and was perfectly clean, as though the gore dared not touch her for fear of inspiring her wrath. She walked toward him. 'Oh hey Kakarot, any luck?'

'N-no…' said Kakarot 'the… the water was too deep…'

'Okay, figures,' said Bulma 'we'll go take those magazines to Master Roshi. Serves my Dad right for having such a dirty mind.'

'D-did you do this?' asked Kakarot.

'Do what?' asked Bulma in surprise, before looking up to the bodies. 'Oh, yeah, um… I was kind of in a bad mood, and the really pushed all my buttons. Lets get back to the plane. Just you and me kid, like old times!' And she marched off enthusiastically.

Kakarot stared at the carnage one final time, feeling as though part of his soul had just died. Then he followed after her, and in that moment found himself forgetting what had happened. He had found Bulma, and she had beaten up a bunch of Red Ribbon Army goons. Yes, that was what happened.

It was the only way he would ever sleep again.

* * *

Within Blue Base, a crocodile saw the radar screen, and looked up. 'General Blue, the jetcoptors! Their gone! Kapoof!'

'Hmm?' asked Blue.

'They just ain't there anymore sir!' said the crocodile.

'So…' mused Blue 'Briefs has arrived. Well then… let the games begin.'

As Kakarot sped off with Bulma to Master Roshi's, the dastardly General Blue awaits his return. Join us next time, on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So yeah, I found the contents of the most recent episode somewhat disturbing. Seeing two characters, even villains, outright planning to rape an innocent, underaged girl is kind of upsetting in a kids show. Except in this continuity Bulma has learned to fight and so is capable of beating them up. The problem was that the climax of the episode was Bulma trying to evade them long enough for Goku to get back and save her. In this context, Bulma could just kind of knock them out with ease, which is a very anticlimactic ending to an episode.

Thus I settled upon the cosmic horror angle. I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out, even if Kakarot is now traumatized for life. And given how brutal he can be, we can be assured that Bulma was anything but gentle.


	44. Kame House Found!

**Chapter Forty Four: Kame House- Found!**

The plane flew swiftly over the seas towards Kame House. Plan B was well underway. As they did so, Bulma seemed ill at ease. 'I wish we didn't have to involve Roshi,' she said 'there is no telling what he'll ask in addition to these magazines.'

'If he does,' said Kakarot 'we'll make him an offer he can't refuse.'

'We're coming up on it now.' said Bulma.

'I see it!' said Kakarot 'We're here!'

Once again they landed upon a small island with three palm trees, and a single pink and red house on it. At last they arrived, and Kakarot felt a surge of nostalgia. It seemed like only yesterday he'd been training with Master Roshi. Now he had been putting his training to good use.

They found Turtle trimming the grass with a sickle. He looked up as Kakarot stepped off the plane with Bulma. 'Oh Kakarot, this is certainly a surprise. Welcome back, its good to see you again,' He glanced to Bulma. 'and you too.'

'See if I give you salt water again.' muttered Bulma.

'Its good to see you again too.' said Kakarot. 'It has been some time since I've seen my friends.'

'Yeah,' said the Turtle 'so are you here on business or pleasure?'

'Little bit of both, actually.' said Kakarot 'We need Master Roshi's help.'

'I'll get him.' said Turtle 'Master! Hey Master! Kakarot's here!'

* * *

In Blue Command, General Blue was listening to the horrified screaming of his subordinates over the radio. It was loud and filled with horror. It also never stopped. 'Pilot 01!' snapped Blue 'This is General Blue! Control yourself!'

The screaming continued. Blue looked to his fellows then back. 'Have you found the downed scout plains. If you have, keep screaming.'

The screaming continued.

'Have you found Briefs?' asked Blue 'If so keep screaming.'

The screaming stopped and Blue sighed. 'Excellent, now tell me-'

The screaming picked up again.

'Are the pilots dead?' asked Blue 'If so, keep screaming.'

The screaming continued and Blue gritted his teeth in anger. 'I am talking to a dead man right now, if I don't get a full report on my desk in the next two hours?! Do you understand me?!'

There was an audible click on the other side, scarcely audible over the screaming. Then there was a bang and the screaming ended. Blue remained silent.

'Sir…' said the crocodile 'I think he just shot himself.'

Blue stood up straight and turned to walk over to a vase of roses. Reaching down, he plucked one of the flowers and raised it to his nose. 'This girl has laid waste to two of our best regiments, and I will not be the third. She may possess some skill, but there is one thing which I know for certain and that is…' He crushed the rose in his fist. 'Nothing lasts forever.'

'Should I send a team to check on the others?' asked the crocodile.

'No,' said Blue 'just send a bombing run and consume the whole place in fire. We'd best not waste any more subordinates looking for whatever it was Briefs left there.'

* * *

Master Roshi was busy watching a video featuring beautiful women clad in bikinis running on beaches, their large breasted bodies wet with perspiration as they walked, their ample chests bouncing.

'Hey Master! Master Kakarot's here!' cried Turtle.

'I'm busty, I mean I'm busy!' said Roshi, glancing back. Then he realized that Kakarot was here and stood up, switching off the TV in a flash. He made his way out and opened the door. 'Kakarots here?' Kakarot ran up to him, looking very boyish. 'What brings you out here boy, I thought you were off looking for the dragonballs.'

'We still are.' said Kakarot 'Its been pretty fun actually.'

'Erm…' Roshi glanced to Bulma. 'what can I help you with?'

'I'll let Bulma tell you.' said Kakarot.

'Hello Roshi.' said Bulma. 'Kakarot and I were wondering if you might have a sub marine lying around here that we could maybe borrow?'

Well that sounded harmless. Then again, so did Kakarot. 'Why certainly, what interest do you have in a sub marine?'

'We found another dragonball at the bottom of the ocean,' said Kakarot with an odd sort of innocence. 'but its way too deep to swim too. I tried.' He paused. 'Oh right, that reminds me, we found a lot of beautiful women whose souls have been imprisoned within magazines in erotic poses. We were hoping you might know a way to free them.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, taking out a bag and handing it to him.

Roshi picked one up and began to scan through it. 'Whoa nellie! This sure seems like a serious bit of soul trapping Kakarot! I'll have to examine these girls in great detail! You can have the submarine in recognition of the good deed you did by bringing them to me!'

'Thank you Master Roshi,' said Kakarot 'you are a positive role model that all people should aspire to be more like.'

'I know, right!' laughed Roshi.

'Alright, your all very admirable,' said Bulma 'now give us the capsule for the submarine, would ya?'

'Patience my dear, patience.' said Roshi, folding the magazine and putting it away. 'Krillen and Launch took it into town to do some shopping. They should be back any minute now, no big deal.'

* * *

Meanwhile, Launch and Krillen were shopping within a dusty town of wooden buildings. This was, perhaps, a slightly more difficult venture than it sounded like, all things considered. There were a wide variety of people here, from kids in striped hats to dogs in pink dresses carrying flowers. A man in a chefs hat was selling fish, while a panda carried a basket of apples down the street.

'Lets see,' said Blue Launch 'I think I'll take two onions, five carrots and about three cucumbers.'

'Sure, sure, no problem.' said a brown bear as he loaded up her order. He glanced to Krillin. 'She's cute, is she your sister?'

'Uh… no.' said Krillin with nervous laughter,

Was it just Krillin, or had Blue Launch's innocence become somewhat ominous of late. She wouldn't tell them anything about how she had split off from the rest of the gang, why, or what she had been doing during that time. It kind of worried Krillin.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Red Ribbon HQ General Red grew increasingly frustrated. He clenched his teeth around his cigar as he watched the erratic nature of the dragonballs pattern. One of them continued to head in the direction of Captain Yellow's forces. The other had moved away from the signal, and now had gone into the middle of the ocean.

'My guess is that the boy is working with someone.' said Black.

'I don't pay you to guess, now do I?' asked Red. 'Your second rate speculations won't get me the dragonballs!'

'Mmmhmm,' said Black, remaining silent. If Red didn't want him to talk, then he could run his own army.

'Tell me what we know!' snapped Red.

Oh so now he wanted Black's second rate speculations. 'Briefs knows where the dragonball is but she's spending a lot of time away from it. Her radar is quite sophisticated. Not exactly something you'd expect a teenaged girl to create for fun. I suspect that she was assisted in her creation of the dragon radar by someone.'

'That could mean she has a headquarters is located somewhere in that vicinity.' mused Red. 'We can't hit Capsule Corp directly, if we did King Furry would send the World Nation army after us right quick. We can't directly confront him until we've got all seven dragonballs.'

'Yes sir.' said Black.

'Well don't just stand there like a moron!' snapped Red 'Contact Blue and have his scouts find the girls hideout.'

The group were waiting in their own ways. Bulma was sitting on a sun chair beneath the shade of a palm tree. Roshi was standing about, staff in hand. The Turtle was beside him, while a little ways on Kakarot was standing with his hands behind his head. They waited, and wait, and waited some more.

'Where are they?' asked Bulma.

'They'll be back soon.' said Roshi 'Don't worry. Turtle, whats taking them so long?'

'I've got a bad feeling.' said Turtle.

'Ah! AH! ACHOO!' Launch sneezed. All of a sudden a darkness fell over the sun, and a large vegetable was shoved down the throat of the food vendor. 'Don't talk with food in ya mouth?!' cried Launch, before punching him into his own stall. 'What kind of shop doesn't sell green onions?! This is ridiculous! Come here!' She grabbed him by the collar, only for Krillin to leap onto her leg.

'Launch no!' cried Krillen 'Stop it, please stop it!'

Launch reached down and gripped Krillen by the collar of his robe. 'Get lost!' Then she hurled him into the distance. Slapping her hands together, she looked around at the awed crowd.

'Hey!' said a man.

'You want something?!' snapped Launch, before grabbing a watermelon and hurling it into the mans face. 'What about the rest of ya?! Ya want some of this?!'

The crowds scattered.

* * *

Back at the sea, Kakarot had been finding new uses for his swimming skills. It had been almost a year since he had actually fished for food, and he was out of practice. It look him a little longer than he would have liked to catch the fish, but finally he emerged and looked to Turtle. 'Hey, ready?!'

'Okay!' said Turtle, holding a bucket on his shell.

'One!' cried Kakarot, hurling a fish. 'two, three, four, five!' Five long and large fish were flung through the air and landed in the bucket. He also hurled a large number of other sea creatures he had caught by hand, to fill things up.

As Bulma sun bathed, Kakarot made his way out of the water and looked at the blue skies above. He felt a profound innocence overtaking him, in a manner which he had rarely felt, even in the years before he'd met Bulma. Always he had been training to surpass Grandpa Gohan, or working on his own designs.

Now however he felt a profound joy welling up in his heart, waiting to burst forth and overflow. He looked to where Bulma was yawning, and sitting up. Roshi approached. 'Whats the matter?' asked the old master 'Can I get you some more water?'

'No thanks,' said Bulma 'I've had so many already that I'm beginning to feel water logged.'

'Thats a shame.' said Roshi.

'Thats enough,' said Turtle 'buckets full. Great job! We'll eat well tonight.'

'Good,' said Kakarot 'thats good.' Then he looked once more upon the sea, breathing in the free air with relish. Yet he could see no sign of Launch and Krillen.

'See anything Kakarot?' asked Bulma.

'Their not here yet.' said Kakarot, before halting. 'Wait, look up there!' He pointed.

There in the distance they saw a speck growing larger and larger, until it became a blue submarine flying on the air. Soon it began lowering itself towards the ground, while Turtle looked up. 'Its about time they got back, I could have been faster than that.'

'They better have a lot of groceries.' said Bulma.

The sub landed, and its cockpit opened to reveal Krillen and Blue Launch, who looked up in surprise as Kakarot approached them, raising a hand. 'Hey guys!'

'Hi!' said Blue Launch.

'Kakarot!' cried Krillen.

'Where have you been?' asked Kakarot 'We've been waiting for hours.'

As Krillien and Launch began coming down with the groceries, Bulma looked over the sub. 'What a machine, this sub is fantastic!'

'Hello,' said Krillen 'its always nice to see you again Bloomer.'

'Its Bulma!' snapped Bulma 'Bulma!'

'We've been waiting for you.' said Roshi 'Why are you so late?'

'Eh, well…' Krillen paused. 'Launch had one of her episodes while we were at the market today.'

'Thought so.' said Turtle.

'Yeah,' said Blue Launch 'I sneezed again.'

'You didn't cause much chaos when you were with us.' noted Bulma.

'Well…' Blue Launch paused. 'I think my other self enjoyed causing mayhem on the Red Ribbon Army, so she toned down her mayhem on people who didn't deserve it.'

'Sounds entertaining,' said Kakarot 'sorry I missed it.'

'Hey Kakarot,' said Krillen 'why are you here anyway? Launch said you guys were hunting the Red Ribbon Army. Pretty dangerous stuff, buddy.'

'Meh,' said Kakarot 'their pretty overrated actually.'

* * *

A Red Ribbon Army scout copter flew through the air over the ocean, its pilot scanning the area ahead carefully.

 _'_ _Scout 45,'_ said General Blue _'come in. What is your status, over?'_

'This is scout 45,' said Scout 45 'no sign of a base yet. However there aren't too many islands in this region, so I anticipate contact to be imminent.'

 _'_ _Roger that.'_ said Blue.

'Over.'

* * *

Back at Kami House, Kakarot and Bulma had only just finished explaining their plans, and Krillen was looking over the map.

'Uh huh…' said Krillen 'judging by this map you're definitely going to need a submarine.'

'Wow, what brilliant insight?!' snapped Kakarot 'Truly this is something I could not have learned in any other way! I can't tell you how much you have enhanced our plans by telling us the thing we just finished telling you!'

'Shut up, Kakarot.' said Krillen. 'If it really is around here, you should be able to find the pirates treasure easily with the submarine.'

'Pirates what now?' asked Kakarot.

'Treasure?!' said Bulma, leaning forward with stars in her eyes. 'Did you say treasure?'

Then Roshi appeared. 'Would anyone care for a nice glass of iced tea?'

'Sure,' said Kakarot.

'No thanks.' said Bulma.

'I'll take one.' said Krillen.

'So Krillen,' said Bulma 'give us the scoop?'

'Master Roshi knows more than I do.' said Krillen, looking to his master.

'Whats that?' asked Roshi.

'You know,' said Krillen 'the story you always tell me. The legend of the missing pirates treasure.'

Roshi walked forward a pace. 'Hmm? Oh yes, the pirates treasure.

Long ago these waters were infested with pirates who plundered and pillaged everything in sight. Not the sort you'd invite over for fruit punch, I'll tell you that! Pirate ships were heavily populated and well armed. Many royal vessels, carrying precious jewels and riches, fell prey to their attacks. Legend has it that much of the stolen bounty ended up on the ocean floor, and is still there today.

Yes sir, whoever finds that treasure is going to be as rich as a King!'

'Hmm,' said Bulma, stars in her eyes. 'how romantic. We have to find this treasure, I mean we just have to!'

'One,' said Kakarot 'the brutal massacre of innocents for the sake of attaining a heavy, useless metal is not romance. Two, we don't have to find the treasure. And three, why do you even care? Your the daughter of one of the richest men in the entire planet?!'

'The richest, actually,' boasted Bulma.

'…You still haven't answered my question.'

'It sounds awesome!' said Krillin 'I'd love to go with you and help!'

'Great, sure, why not,' said Kakarot 'I was tired of looking for dragonballs anyway.'

'Can I go master,' said Krillin 'please?! I know this map like the back of my hand!'

Roshi nodded with a smile. 'Hmmhmm, I suppose. But finish you're chores first.'

'Yes sir!' said Krillen.

'What about you Launch?' asked Kakarot.

'Hmm,' said Launch 'I think I'd like a break from excitement for a bit.'

'To each his own.' said Kakarot.

Thirty minutes later they piled into the submarine and lifted off into the air as Launch, Turtle and Roshi watched them go. Flying through the air, Kakarot watched the clouds flow by. 'So can this thing go underwater as well as fly?' asked Kakarot from his seat.

'Yep,' said Bulma 'this baby does both! Its a submarine and an airplane?!'

'So some kind of airfish?' asked Kakarot.

'The proper name is actually oh no I left my rucksack back at Master Roshi's with the dragonballs inside!' cried Bulma.

'Thats a bit of a mouthful, don't you think?' mused Kakarot.

'Its okay, relax.' said Krillen 'Nothing is going to happen to it while its at Master Roshi's house.'

'Your right,' said Bulma 'I'm just being silly. What a relief.'

Scout 45 halted his copter suddenly as he saw a machine rush past. He opened a channel. 'General Blue, this is scout 45. I've studied an unidentified flying object heading north northwest. Would you like me to follow in pursuit, over?'

 _'_ _Negative,'_ said Blue _'backtrack its flight pattern. If its the girl her base can't be too far away. Over.'_

'Copy that.' said Scout 45, before carrying out his orders.

General Blue waited impatiently as the scout followed orders.

 _'_ _I've got something! Sending coordinates now!'_

'Go to visual inferred scan! Is anybody out there!'

 _'_ _Affirmative,'_ said the scout _'I have visual confirmation of an old man, one women, and a turtle. All are outside the house and appear to be unarmed. Awaiting further instructions, over.'_

'The Old Man must be the scientist who designed Brief's radar.' said Blue.

Things were looking up for the Red Ribbon Army.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Wow, these last few chapters have been pretty slow, haven't they? This chapter was largely the same as the original episode. The key difference is in the reaction to the dead soldiers, and some of Kakarot's interactions. As you may have noticed, I'm trying to increase my update schedule a bit, so we can get further along.

Enjoy, and thanks for reading!


	45. Deep Blue Sea

**Chapter Forty Five: Deep Blue Sea**

The ocean waves rocked back and forth as many flying fish surged out of the water in schools, arcing over the sea in the glinting sunlight before plunging back into the depths. The sun beat down on all of this, watchful and ever present as it always had been from the beginnings of the world. Beneath its gaze the submarine flew through the air, piloted by Krillen with Kakarot and Bulma in the back seat.

Bulma looked up from the dragon radar. 'According to the radar we need to head south, mmm, about thirty miles.'

'You got it,' said Krillen, gunning the engine and southing off towards the south.

* * *

The flag of the red ribbon army flew high overhead as within his office General Red lit his pipe and blew a draft on it. He sighed in relaxation as the pipe soothed his frayed nerves. It was a habit he had picked up some years ago, and had never quite shaken. Reaching down he took hold of a black piece, and moved it forward.

At that moment there was a knock on the door, and Black glanced back.

'Enter!' said Red.

The door opened and a yellow tiger entered and saluted. 'Excuse me, sir. General Blue has just sent in his latest field report regarding the island. Apparently it is inhabited by an old man, a young women, and a turtle.'

'Old man?' inquired Red 'Hmm, a scientist.'

'Details are unknown.' said the Yellow tiger.

'You're probably right sir.' said Black 'This could possibly be the same scientist who Briefs took credit for on making the Dragon Radar.'

'Hmm,' said Red 'what is the position of the dragonball?'

'No change sir.' said the tiger. 'One is somewhere on the island and one is in the ocean.'

'Tell General Blue to invade the island immediately!' said Red 'Get me those dragonballs, and get me the old man. I want him taken alive!'

'Yes sir.' said the tiger, before turning and walking out.

Red laughed to himself and moved his piece. 'Checkmate.'

From where he was observing through spy cameras even the General didn't know about, Gero looked up to Barracks. 'Are you sure that program Hasky is located on that island as well?'

'Yes, positive in fact,' said Barracks.

'Excellent,' said Gero 'its battery should have recharged by now. Begin activation sequence.'

'Are you sure thats necessary, dad?' asked Barracks.

'That island is where Master Roshi lives.' said Gero 'Blue has no idea what he is getting into.'

'Alright then.' said Barracks.

* * *

Meanwhile Blue Launch was humming to herself while wiping down one of the tables. After a moment she looked up and saw a pink bag. Approaching it, she kneeled down by it. 'Thats strange,' she said as she picked it up. 'this is Bulma's bag, she must have forgot it.'

Arising a dragonball suddenly slipped out from it and landed on the ground in what seemed slow motion. Something arose in Launch's mind, a desire to steal them. No… a mission, she'd been offered serious payment to…

No, what was she thinking. She picked up the dragonball and looked at them as they gleamed alluringly.

* * *

The low hum of the sub as it shot through the air almost lulled Kakarot to sleep as he sat in place, waiting. Perhaps thirty minutes had passed, if the clocks were any indication. Every so often Bulma would check the dragon radar and then look back out the window at the beautiful sea below. She was very beautiful. Suddenly he face brightened. 'Okay, we should be right above it. Dive here.'

'Gotcha,' said Krillen as he turned the submarine downwards.

'Are you sure this thing can go underwater as well as it can fly?' asked Kakarot.

'Of course it can, Kakarot.' said Krillin 'It wouldn't be much of a submarine otherwise.'

The sub surged through the air until it hit the water and cut through it like a knife, before descending into the depths far below. Finally some action! Kakarot had been bored to tears!

* * *

Little did they know, they were being watched from the nearby island. Blue lowered his binoculars and smiled. 'Thats it, find the ball. So I can steal it from you.'

He sensed a man approaching behind him, and the man opened his mouth. 'Gen-'

General turned round and slapped him into the nearby building with a crash. 'Now how many times until you learn? It is very difficult to sneak up on a General and keep your teeth.'

The man stood up and stood to attention and saluted. 'Sorry General, urgent message.'

'Well?' asked Blue. 'What is it?'

'Sir, we've received official confirmation for head quarters regarding Brief's hideout.' said the soldier. 'According to the radar reports, Brief's dragonballs are on that island as we thought. We've been ordered to steal the dragonballs and capture the old scientist for questioning.'

'Everything is happening as I envisioned it.' said Blue 'Brief's days are numbered. Attention!'

A portly man with a mustache came into view and saluted. 'Sir?'

'Dive our forces into two units.' said Blue 'I will lead company A's attack on Brief's, while you mobilize company B and take the island! Aside from the old man no prisoners! Is that understood?!'

'Yes sir.' said the fat man.

'Lieutenant…' said Blue 'This army requires its soldiers to move. Lose some weight.'

'Yes sir.' said the portly Lieutenant.

* * *

If the ocean from above had looked beautiful, the sea beneath the waves was truly majestic. Multicolored schools of fish swam too and fro as Kakarot stared in awe. Octopus' made their way on tentacles across the sea floor, while choral reefs could be seen here and there. Crabs wandered the surface. Kakarot felt a sense of primordial wonder as he gazed at it all.

'This place is truly beautiful.' he said 'It would be a shame to see it destroyed.'

'Well Capsule corp is a real green company y'know.' said Bulma. 'We don't pollute the air at all.'

As they went on, Kakarot saw a giant round fish with small fins on either side. It stared at him and he stared back. Finally he glanced back. 'I wonder what their names are.'

'What?' said Bulma.

'I mean the fish.' said Kakarot.

'I don't know.' said Bulma 'Be quiet I'm trying to think.' Then she paused. 'Stop here Krillin, the radar shows it should be right beneath us!'

The sub slowed and they began to slowly scan over the sea floor. A giant shell lay on the surface, and Kakarot wondered if the dragonball might lie within it. Krillin hit a switch and lights flared down, looking over the surface of the sea bed for any sign of the dragonball. None appeared no matter how they searched.

Kakarot looked around. 'Where do you suppose it is, guys?'

'Its down there somewhere,' said Bulma 'the radar doesn't lie. Why don't you go look for it.'

A few minutes later Kakarot was swimming through the water in a pair of flippers with a breathing apparatus over his face and a tank of oxygen on his back. He looked around inquisitively. Suddenly he felt something wriggling within his shirt, and panicked, moving back and forth to try and get it out. He reached into his shirt and drew out a fish.

For a moment he considered crushing it, before thinking better of it and letting it go.

 _'_ _What are you doing?!'_ asked Bulma _'Stop goofing off!'_

'How are you speaking to me from afar?' asked Kakarot 'Is this some of your witchcraft.' Then he saw something of note and swam towards it.

 _'_ _Kakarot, did you find it?'_

Picking up a giant crag he raised it above his head. 'Look at the size of this thing Bulma! It could make good eating.'

 _'_ _Would you quit screwing around and find the dragonball!'_ snapped Bulma.

* * *

Meanwhile at Blue Base, General Blue himself stood before his assembled soldiers, clad in his finest uniform. 'We stand at the crossroads between success and greatness!' he cried 'Those that stand before me represent the best that the Red Ribbon Army has to offer! You're deeds are already legendary! But your actions today will determine how that legend is to be told!' He plucked a rose from a nearby pot. 'Find your enemy, pluck him out, and let his bones pave the way to your glory!' He cast the rose petals to drift slowly down towards the ground. 'Fail yourselves, but never fail me.

Bring the old man! For those who help him, no mercy! Now scramble!' And he pushed the scramble button.

Instantly the scramble alarm began to sound as words appeared above doors saying 'scramble' in bright red letters. The away team rushed through the halls and onto their hover coptors, before taking off in pursuit of the old man.

 _'_ _All troops report to battle stations! Repeat, all troops report to battle stations!'_

Another large detachment rushed onto a submarine aircraft carrier hybrid and prepared themselves. Buttons were pushed and lights blinked back and forth. Amidst the ordered chaos of their preparations, General Blue raised a rose to his nose and smelled it with satisfaction.

At the bottom of the sea Kakarot searched and searched while the sub illuminated the area beneath him with lights. It had stopped being amazing, and had become boring.

'Any luck?' asked Bulma 'You should be right on top of it.'

'Nothing here by sea fish and choral.' said Kakarot.

Within the sub Bulma looked at the radar. 'This is strange, maybe the radar is acting up.'

Then Kakarot noticed something, what appeared to be a line where the ground halted only to continue a little ways onwards. He swam down and stared down the trench at the bottom of the sea. _'Hang on, I just found a gigantic trench in the ground. It seems deep. The dragonball might have dropped down inside of it.'_

'Wait a minute,' said Krillen 'let me guide the sub marine jet down there and investigate.'

'If Kakarot's right,' said Bulma 'this might be more difficult than I thought. I need to adjust the search grid to compensate for the depth differential.'

'Uh yeah…' said Krillen 'okay. You mean closer to the wall?'

'Yes, closer to the wall okay.' said Bulma, looking at her instruments. 'Uh, Kakarot, I think you're gonna wanna come see this.'

 _'_ _I'd like to, but its too tight for me to fit.'_ said Kakarot.

'Wait… a… sec…' said Bulma.

'Whats up?' asked Krillin.

'Judging by the shape of the ditch,' said Bulma 'it looks like it leads to something. I'll switch radar magnification and see what I can find. There! See! Its a cave of some sort! Maybe we can get inside! It might lead to the dragonball! Get back to the sub Kakarot, so we can check it out!'

* * *

The sirens wailed as the hover coptors took off and began to fly away. At the same time the sub carrier departed a fake cave inside the cliff and made its way out into the sea. As the men worked at their stations, a calm voice spoke to them:

 _'_ _Attention, all personnel_ ,' said the voice _'secure stations and prepare to dive. I repeat, secure stations and prepare to dive.'_

The hatches were sealed, the doors were sealed. The sun was shut out.

'All hatches secure,' said a man 'all systems are go. We're ready to dive.'

Blue smiled as he looked at his instruments. 'Take us down.'

The sub carrier delved deep into the water, seeking its prey.

Meanwhile as the hover coptors flew through the air, a soldier spoke. 'So what kind of opposition are we expecting once we reach the island sir?'

'Eh heh,' said the portly Lieutenant. 'just a women and an old man. Or so I hear.'

The sea life fled as the Red Ribbon army sub made it way through the waves. Blue awaited his subordinates reports as he looked around at his bridge. A fine bridge, a fine bridge indeed.

'Sir we have a visual on the enemy sub marine.' said a soldier.

'Sir,' said the Captain 'we have them within weapons range.'

'Perfect,' said Blue 'hold your fire Captain. Keep them locked in your sights, we'll just let them lead us to the prize.'

'General Blue sir,' said a soldier 'it appears the enemy sub is headed inside that cave!'

'That must be where the dragonball is hidden!' said Blue 'Now blow them out of the water!'

'Aye, aye, sir!' said the captain. 'Fire the torpedos!'

'Torperdos away!' said a soldier.

Two torpedos shot through the water towards their enemy, while the distance counted down on the target. There was the dull sound of explosions, as parts of the cave fell away upon the sub.

'Sir, we missed.' said the soldier.

'No excuses!' said Blue 'Fire another round immediately.'

* * *

Bulma and Krillin were panicking. The bald boys eyes were flying over instruments as he piloted the craft beneath falling rocks.

'Their firing at us!' said Bulma 'The Red Ribbon Army is here!'

'The Red Ribbon Army?!' said Krillin, looking up in horror.

'Yeah, we've kind of been killing them lately.' said Kakarot 'Probably should have expected them to look for the dragonballs here.'

'Why didn't you tell me you were expecting company?!' asked Krillin 'I never would have signed up for this crazy mission!'

And then torpedos were launched at them again. There was a blinding explosion that Kakarot could feel through the sub.

* * *

'Negative impact!' cried the gunner. 'I'm afraid we missed them again sir!'

'No you missed them!' roared Blue, before glancing to a soldier. 'Soldier, execute this fool, I grow tired of him!'

'Sir!' the man saluted.

'No! No!' cried the dog as he was dragged away, 'I've got a wife and two kids! I've got to pay the electric bill! I've got to pay the-'

There was a gunshot and everyone within the sub winced. They went about their duties all the faster.

* * *

The submarine rushed through the underwater tunnel, pursued by the red ribbon army. The lights of the larger sub grew more and more prominent as the three friends raced to escape them.

'Faster!' roared Bulma 'We've got to go faster!'

'I'm going!' cried Krillin.

'Would it help if I got out and pushed?!' asked Bulma.

'At this point I'm willing to try anything!' cried Krillin.

'This is serious!' said Bulma 'Kakarot, can't you fire a kamehameha or something?'

'Sure, if you want to drown.' said Kakarot.

They raced onwards, with every heartbeat bringing their enemy closer to them. Yet the walls were gradually closing in. 'We may be in luck.' said Krillin 'The cave is getting narrow.'

'Hurry up!' said Bulma 'Just go!'

They rushed through a narrow hole and Bulma cheered.

'We did it!' cried Krillin 'Their ship is too big to follow us in here!'

Blue, however, was not at all troubled. 'Eheheheheh, those simple fools think they've found a safe haven. Prepare the escape pods! We're going after them!'

With ridged training the crew and Blue rushed to the subs and got on board them. The top of the sub opened and three lesser subs came out, following after the enemies of the Red Ribbon Army.

As they did so, Blue giggled incessantly. 'Idiots, their playing right into my hands!' His laughter grew louder and louder as they followed.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, this chapter was a bitch to write. The action repeatedly switches perspectives which works well in a TV show, but not so well in a literary form. Moreover not much actually happens in this chapter, its a filler episode plain and simple. When I began writing it, though, I didn't know it was a filler episode, so I had to do the whole thing.

I have a confession to make, I had this chapter almost completely done a week ago. However I couldn't quite work up the will to finish it, so I put it aside. Then I went on vacation to Gettysburg, and saw a lot of historical sights. It was really cool and I had a lot of fun.

When I got back, I remembered that I still hadn't updated this, so after posting a couple of the fanfics I wrote on the trip I went back and finished it. I'd just like to take a moment to thank Compassionate for pming me and getting my mind back on the fic. It really means a lot to know that people read and enjoy my writing. This chapter is dedicated to you.

Here's to hoping the next one is a bit more interesting.


	46. Surprise Attack!

**Chapter Forty-Six:** **Surprise Attack**

Within the Red Ribbon Army HQ, General Red received the report from Black. His pet nuzzled his hand as Red ran his fingers over its head in affection while clenching a cigar in his mouth and eyeing the incompetent buffoon in front of him.

'General Blue's Company A is in pursuit of the dragonball. Captain Dark is supervising the raid on the island with Company B. Our radar has a confirmed lock on two dragonballs located within the scientists compound. As you know the old man is accompanied by a woman and a turtle, who are believed to be his only protection.'

'Yes, yes,' said Red 'General Blue's a brilliant tactician, I'm supposedly surrounded by the best minds of every conceivable industry. Yet I'm still chasing a teenager for what should have been in my possession months ago!'

'I understand sir.' said Black.

'You understand nothing!' snapped Red 'But make sure General Blue does. I want that scientist brought back to me alive at all costs! He is the key to our success!'

Black smiled. 'Consider it done sir.'

At that moment the door opened, and Dr. Gero entered. Red looked up. 'What is it, Gero?'

'I thought I should let you know that Captain Dark will fail in his mission.' said Gero 'However my subordinates won't.'

'That is big talk coming from the man whose machines were a steaming flop at Muscle Tower.' snapped Red.

'I assure you.' said Gero 'My agents are already closing in. Very soon, the dragonball will be ours.'

'You'd better hope it is.' said Red.

* * *

Krillin piloted the sub through the underwater cave, sweat dripping down the side of his face. Behind them, the Red Ribbon Armies subs were in fast pursuit.

'Great!' said Bulma 'Now they have two ships and they don't look happy! Are you trying to get us killed?!'

'Trust me,' said Krillin 'I don't want to meet them either.'

'And to top it off, they have torpedoes!' said Bulma.

'What are torpedoes?' asked Kakarot.

'Haven't you been paying attention?' asked Bulma 'Their bombs, they blow things up!'

'Oh so that's what those things were.' said Kakarot.

'It must be nice to live in complete oblivion.' said Bulma 'Which is about what we're going to be!'

'On a brighter note, they can't shoot at us anymore.' said Krillin 'They are probably afraid of causing a cave in.'

'Come on Krillin, step on it!' roared Bulma 'They're gaining on us!'

'I hate backseat drivers.' muttered Krillin.

Then they were slammed from behind. Krillin struggled to hold on to the controls as Kakarot and Bulma were thrown forward in their seats. Again and again, they were struck from behind as the Red Ribbon Army rammed into their craft. Their craft was forced gradually towards the wall, and Krillin desperately guided the craft to avoid the wall their enemies were trying to smash them into.

They hit a rocky outcropping as the tunnel led upwards, and fortunately, it gave way before they did. The rock crashed into the enemy sub, which was thrown back. In that moment Krillin was able to escape from the enemy and they surged upwards.

In a moment they broke out of the water and reached the surface.

Krillin opened the cockpit and they looked around. They stood within a small pool, with a passage leading away into a cave system. Kakarot looked around. 'Well we're out of the water, I guess. What I want to know is how.'

'We're still in the ocean,' said Bulma 'but this cave has a pocket of air.'

'One of these days I should devote time to study the nature of such places.' mused Kakarot 'Not today, however.'

'Not now Kakarot,' said Bulma 'those maniacs are still after us! Come on, lets get out of here!'

They leaped out of the cockpit and rushed into the cave, even as the Red Ribbon Army subs arose behind them in the water. The chase was on!

* * *

Company B flew through the air towards their destination. The humming of engines was all that could be heard as Dark saw them approaching the island. Raising his com, he spoke: 'Alright me we're coming in hot so I want this one done strictly by the book! Tonight is sandwich night and we're not going to miss it!'

'Yes, sir!'

Blonde Launch was watching a movie about cops and robbers. A thrilling car chase was in progress, complete with machine guns firing on both sides. Even so, she felt rather hungry and that hunger was distracting her from true enjoyment. With a sigh she raised a remote and hit the pause button.

'Hey!' she shouted 'Where's the chow at? I'm wasting away over here?!'

'Coming!' cried Roshi as he came through the door with a hot metal pan which he set down on the table. Taking the lid off, he revealed a delicious looking orangish substance. 'bon appetite.'

'Looks interesting,' noted Launch 'what do you call it?'

'Oh it's an old family recipe.' said Roshi 'I call it Roshi surprise.' And he served her.

'Well, then you've had a long time to get it right.' noted Launch, taking up her utensils.

She tried it. Then looked him in the eye.

'Does it need more salt?' asked Roshi.

'You're the chef.' said Launch, offering him the spoon. 'You tell me.'

Roshi tried it. Then Launch picked up her glock, stood up and pointed it at Roshi. 'What are you trying to poison me?! You call that stuff food?! In case I hadn't mentioned it, I'm allergic to garbage!'

'Wait!' cried Roshi 'Give me another chance, I make a mean-'

'You've made enough!' snapped Launch 'Now it's my turn!' At that moment a plant was put up against her nose, and she felt a sneeze coming on. 'Ah… ah… ah… ACHOOO!'

What was she doing here again? And why was Roshi cowering at her feet? 'Roshi, what's wrong? You look beat.'

'You certainly have a way with the ladies, master.' noted Turtle.

'Well I guess everyone has their talents.' said Roshi.

Then they heard an ungodly buzzing noise, and saw, coming towards them in the clouds a vast swarm of many coptors and planes. Roshi made his way over to the window and put one hand over his eyes. 'Wow.'

'Are you expecting any visitors today?' asked Turtle.

'Nope,' said Roshi 'I don't know em.'

Yet as Launch saw the planes approaching, something within her awoke. She wasn't sure what it was, but she kept getting flashes of an amusement park high in the sky.

Master Roshi made his way out onto the front steps, wondering what all the ruckus was about. Turtle followed behind and he stood there watching as the planes descended towards them. Watching them land, Roshi blocked the sun from his eyes. 'Looks like we have a lot of guests. Good thing I made plenty of soup.'

The crafts finished landing and out of them came a whole host of men armed to the teeth with guns. They looked like a regular assortment of stereotypes, idiots, and ne'er-do-wells, and to top it off they were led by an obese man who looked about as threatening as… well… himself. Such was the range of commentary, snarky statements, and one liners which came to mind that Roshi found himself quite speechless as they approached.

The fat man smiled in what was likely supposed to be a menacing look. It… really wasn't. 'Ensign, check the house.'

Roshi hoped for the sake of the poor fool assigned that duty that Launch didn't go blonde. That girl was far too angry for her own good. 'Who are you?' Roshi asked. 'I paid my taxes.'

'Congratulations doctor you've been recruited by the Red Ribbon Army.' said the fat man.

Red Ribbon Army? Was that what kids were calling the bad guys these days? Roshi hadn't really been keeping up with events on the mainland, beyond his students, and he found himself bemused. Was he supposed to feel threatened? Why was it that every time a group of newfangled bandits emerged they always thought the universe revolved around them? Wait, what had they called him? 'Doctor? That's a new one.'

The man laughed and straightened out a whip. 'Don't play games. We know who you are.'

'I wish I could say the same.' said Roshi, looking around at the soldiers. Urge to snark rising. 'I've never had so many guests on my island with so much ammunition?' What should he start with.

'The Red Ribbon Army is well supplied.' said the man. Oh, so he meant to snark back, did he?

'The Red Ribbon Army?' asked Roshi, identifying a weak point. 'Oh, I have heard of you before.' He was lying, of course, he'd stopped concerning himself with politics a long time ago.

Blue Launch emerged with a gun to her back and the Ensign spoke. 'We found the girl. She was alone inside the house.'

'There doesn't appear to be any booby traps on the property.' said a soldier.

'Good.' said Fat Man.

'You'll have to forgive me,' said Roshi 'it took a moment for me to register the name of your organization. I've heard it called so many different names. You have a real reputation for being cruel and unjust.'

'What?' said Fat Man.

'There's a ton.' said Roshi 'Like the Jerk Patrol, the Dirt Bags, and my personal favorite the Red Ribbon Slimeballs.'

Fat Man forced a smile. 'That's nice, in case you haven't noticed, these dirtbags as you call them, have you outnumbered and outgunned.'

'Yep,' said Roshi 'and out whipped. That must come in handy on training day.'

'It's not for my men,' said Fat Man 'it's for those who oppose me, now let's dispense with the pleasantries. You will soon learn that I am not a man with whom to toy. Hand over your dragonballs immediately. Yes, we know you have them, do it, or suffer my wrath!'

His whip slashed through the air at Roshi, who dodged it. It was a special kind of dodge, the sort which can only be done by people very skilled indeed. It was a subtle movement so that one barely saw the movement, yet despite its lack of obvious dodging, the whip, which had been dead on moments ago, passed Roshi by without touching him. It hit the turtle shell, which it bounced off.

The man looked shocked, and Roshi glanced to Launch. 'I guess he needs more practice. Say, I didn't know you had any dragonballs.'

'Maybe he's confused.' said Launch.

'Silence!' snapped Fat Man, whipping the ground. 'There are two things I want from you doctor! The dragonball Briefs left in your possession which you undoubtedly have hidden somewhere on this island, and a radar to track down the other balls like the one you made for that spoiled brat!'

Roshi blinked. 'You think she left a dragonball here?'

'Oh the bag,' said Launch, looking bothered about something. 'she left one behind. Maybe that's where it is.'

'Well, we'll soon find out.' said Fat Man 'Tear the house apart! I want those dragonballs!'

'And I can see why.' said Roshi 'You're obviously lacking in the ball department.'

'That's it!' roared Fat Man 'I'm sick of your mouth old man, just remember you asked for this!'

He unleashed a flurry of whip strikes which came no closer to hitting Roshi than the first one had. These ones didn't even hit the turtle. Of course, to an untrained normal human, Roshi's casual movements must have been nigh impossible to notice, so he must have looked like he was missing a stationary target at point blank range.

'Hey, felt the wind on that one!' said Roshi cheerfully.

Fat Man drew back his whip to strike again.

'Captain, he's just an ordinary old man.' sneered a soldier. 'He can't fight anybody, he probably can't even walk without his cane.'

'That's true, scout.' said Fat Man.

'Whatever helps you sleep at night, slick.' said Roshi.

'Next time I might not be able to hold myself back!' snapped Fat Man.

Roshi cracked his knuckles one handed. 'I understand, that's a lot to restrain!'

'Bring it on gramps!' roared Fat Man, before lashing out with his whip.

Roshi was too quick and surged forward to punch Fat Man in the gut, KO's him instantly. Another soldier was kicked in the face, and Roshi used his momentum to knock out two others. Then raising his staff he hit another, before kicking a soldier behind him. Falling on two others, these two were sent reeling, before another was elbowed on his head.

A soldier laughed and raised his gun and began firing nonstop at him. Roshi caught the bullets easily as they came, before crushing them. 'Is that all ya got?' He dropped the bullets to make his point.

He let the soldier have just long enough to realize how screwed he was before kicking him in the face.

'Hold it old man!' roared a soldier.

Roshi turned to see a man holding a gun to Blue Launch's head. The man was in a great deal of danger, but if Roshi made any sudden movements he might fall victim to Blue Launch. 'Alright, take it easy. Put the gun away….'

'I'm the one whose giving orders, not you, so pay atten-'

Blue Launch elbowed the man in the gut. His eyes bulged and he fell forward onto the ground as Blue Launch stood over him. 'Oh no, I hope I didn't hurt him too badly.'

Roshi looked up to where a soldier was slipping towards a coptor. 'Hello, are you sure you don't want to join your friends?'

'No sir!' said the man, terrified. 'I'm only in the reserves.'

The men scrambled up and got on their coptors before flying off the island towards the distance. Roshi watched in satisfaction as they fled. And then a sphere of yellow light shot through the air and through the crafts. They exploded into a million pieces, killing everyone on it.

'Pathetic worms.' said a cold voice. 'Unworthy of the title of soldier.'

Roshi turned around, feeling a twinge of anger. He saw before him a red-haired, highly muscular man in a black trenchcoat. He wore leather gloves and sunglasses on his face. 'That was uncalled for. They might have deserved a beating, but if you hadn't killed them they might have learned something from it.'

'The Red Ribbon Army does not tolerate cowardice or failure.' said the soldier.

'Silver…' said Launch.

'You know this guy?' asked Roshi.

'He's a member of the Red Ribbon Army.' said Launch 'He ransacked a town, and burned down a forest. But then Bulma beat him in a fight.'

'Bulma?' asked Roshi 'When did she learn to fight?'

And then Roshi moved aside. It was just in time, for a fist passed by his face. The Old Master was driven back beneath a flurry of punches from Silver, who brought up one leg to strike him. Roshi back flipped away and landed, taking a stance.

Both ran to meet each other and they met in a flurry of blows, which end with Silver taking several punches to the gut. Roshi brought around a leg and kicked him in the head, sending him flying back. But Silver caught himself on the ground and took a stance.

'For someone who doesn't tolerate failure, you're awfully good at it.' noted Roshi. 'Maybe instead of beating up people who can't defend themselves you should run away and join the circus.'

Silver smiled. 'Gero told me that you would be a formidable enemy. Fortunately, I have everything I need to defeat you.'

'Gero?' asked Roshi 'Mind giving the audience some context here?'

Silver drew out a device and pressed a button on it. It emitted a shrill signal, and Launch clutched her ears. Roshi looked at her in concern, before he sensed a gathering ki. Silver put out a hand before him.

 ** _'_** ** _MINT BLASTER!'_**

A yellow ball of energy, larger and more powerful than the one before surged towards Roshi, who took a stance and caught it on his hand. For a single moment, the energy attack pressed on him, before Roshi brought up his other hand and hurled it into the sky where it exploded harmlessly. 'You've got a pretty powerful ki attack there. Maybe if you had even an ounce of control you might even make it as a martial artist.'

Silver gritted his teeth. 'Mock this old man!'

Roshi was honestly impressed that a rank amateur like Silver could throw quite so many energy blasts at him without getting tired. It didn't actually improve his chances, Roshi knocked them all skyward, before grabbing the last three and beginning to juggle them round and round. Finally, he tossed them skyward with one motion so that they exploded like fireworks.

'Is that it?' asked Roshi 'Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a game of hot potato as much as the next man, but I was led to believe an officer of the Red Ribbon Army would have better things to do with his time.'

'Catch this, old man.' said a feminine, british voice which was definitely not Silver.

Roshi hesitated, and in that hesitation, he was struck in the back of the neck and remembered no more.

* * *

As his soldiers rushed out of the subs to find and kill their enemy, Blue received a call from an unknown entity. 'Who is this?' he asked 'I'm in the middle of an operation.'

'This is Silver.' said the voice. 'I thought you might want to know that your entire company has just been slaughtered. The old man you thought was a scientist wiped them out.'

'The whole company?!' said Blue.

This changed everything.

As they ran something occurred to Kakarot. 'Why the hell are we running?' he asked 'Let's just turn around and kill them all!'

'What are you crazy?!' asked Krillin 'They have guns, we have fists now let's move!'

'Guys, what is going on?' asked Bulma.

'Nothing,' said Kakarot 'I'm just going to brutally murder a bunch of people.'

The sound of the soldier's footsteps grew louder. They could hear voices. Then suddenly a command was given and they withdrew. Puzzled, Kakarot stared. 'Why abandon the chase now? They followed us this far.'

'Way to go, you did it champ!' cheered Bulma 'Now let's get out of here before they decide to come back!'

'Maybe Kakarot scared them off.' said Krillin 'Or maybe they just went back to get some reinforcements.'

* * *

Blue met with his soldiers, who were confused by his order to halt. And so they should have been, for it was against the nature of the Red Ribbon Army to retreat. It called for an explanation, and Blue would give them one.

'It seems we have underestimated our enemy.' He said 'That was the mistake our predecessor made, I'm sure. If we are to avoid their fate we must be careful.'

'But sir, the enemy is just a bunch of kids.' said a soldier.

'Yes,' said Blue 'the same kids who decimated both Silver and White corps. Not to mention what they did to company B. An entire company wiped out by an old man and a girl who are known associates of these kids.'

They were trembling. Blue had broken them and now he would rebuild them. 'Do not know them as old or young. Simply know them as your enemy, and all three will crumble before this day is through.

As they made their way on, Kakarot looked to Bulma taking a moment admire her bared shapely legs. 'Bulma, are you certain this path leads to the dragonball?'

'Pretty sure.' said Bulma 'Unless the Red Ribbon Army gets us first.'

'I don't see anybody following us.' said Krillin.

'I can't see anything at all.' said Kakarot 'It's far too dark here.'

'I know,' said Bulma 'we could put Krillin up front. His head could light the way.'

'That's not funny.' said Krillin.

They groped their way forward in the dark, the sound of their footsteps echoing in the caverns. As they walked, Kakarot saw a button on the wall. Pressing it, there was a sound of activation and many lights appeared on the ceiling above, illuminating the caverns.

'These are lights like those in your house.' noted Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'these are electric lights.'

'Okay,' said Krillin 'now I'm scared.'

'One things for sure, we're not the first ones here.' said Bulma 'These lights had to be put up by someone, I just hope they're not still here. Strange, who builds a base at the bottom of the ocean.'

'What I'm more interested to know is how the dragonball got all the way down here.' noted Kakarot 'It would have had to descend into the sea, roll up a cliff, get out of the pool and then get to wherever it was the dragonball is now stored. In retrospect, it should have been obvious that someone had stolen it.

Oh, and there is a corpse over there.'

He motioned to where the skeletal remains of a pirate, hands clutching an antiquated submachine gun were lying.

'Gross.' said Bulma.

'Wait, the skull!' said Krillin 'The mark of the pirate! This must be the place Master Roshi was talking about! The pirate's sunken treasure is here!'

At those words, Bulma's thoughts turned to gold and jewels and beautiful things stolen and hoarded, just waiting for her to find them. 'Oooh! All that gold and jewelry and diamonds! Oh please let there be diamonds!'

'Yes, we did it!' cried Krillin 'We discovered the pirates treasure!'

'Hate to be a killjoy, Bulma, but you are already one of the richest people on the planet.' said Kakarot. 'It isn't going to improve your standard of living any.'

'Who needs dragonballs!' cried Bulma 'We're rich! We're rich!'

'But you're already rich!' said Kakarot 'You are literally the daughter of someone who is worth more than all the pirates in the world could plunder in a thousand lifetimes! We haven't accomplished anything!'

Krillin and Bulma began to dance.

'I'll never underestimate the motivational effects of mindless greed again.' muttered Kakarot.

Had they but know it, they were being observed.

'Are you telling me that old tale is true?' asked Blue as he heard the communication. 'The treasure exists and its right here in this cave?!' He regained control of himself and smiled. 'Well done soldier. Get back here now, I want a full report.' He lowered his walkie talkie. 'Ha ha! We have just made the greatest discovery of our age, and the most lucrative.

Supreme Commander Red will be most pleased!' Then he began to giggle incessantly while flashing victory signs.

The celebrations were ongoing.

'Hip hip horay!' said Bulma and Krillin. 'Hip hip horay! Hip hip horay!'

'I'm surrounded by idiots.' said Kakarot sadly.

This revelation was only reinforced as Krillin and Bulma grabbed his hand and began to run around in joyful circles.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Holy crap this chapter was a long time coming. I'll try to get the next one out in a more reasonable time. I guess I just needed a bit of a break from Dragonball and with any luck, I'll get future chapters up in better time. Enjoy.

So what do you think of the title for Silver's energy attack? I figured since Dragonball names are always puns, I'd base Silver's attack off of the process of minting coins. You know, because coins are often made of silver.

Whatever.


	47. The Trap is Sprung

**Chapter 47: The Trap is Sprung**

General Red sat upon his throne, looking as heroic and wise as possible. He was dressed in a fine military uniform and he wore his best eye patch. A goat was across from him, painting what he saw. Yet this was no mere goat, this was Goatto Von Masmir, the greatest painter on earth, specialist in drawing people tall. At that moment a door opened and Red looked up in irritation as a soldier entered.

'Commander,' said the soldier.

'Hmm?' asked Red, annoyed.

The soldier whispered something in his ear.

'What do you mean pirates treasure?!' snapped Red.

'Please sir,' said Goatto 'I need you to stay still.'

'Sir.' said the soldier. 'It has been reported by General Blue that in his pursuit of Briefs and her companions he may also have discovered a secret cave in which the pirates have hidden a large stash of gold and jewels.'

'Well is that right?' asked Red thoughtfully.

'Sir, please don't move.' said Goatto Von Masmir.

'The pirates loot and the dragonballs?' asked Black 'General Blue must be trying to make amends for his past mistakes. He was to blame for the failure at the boys base-'

'Failure?' asked a familiar voice 'I wasn't aware of anything like that.'

The door burst open and General Silver entered the room, clad in a new trenchcoat. Behind him walked Hasky.

'Silver you wretch!' said Red 'How dare you show your face here again! I-'

Red flinched as Silver drew something out of his pocket faster than he could see and tossed it to them. A dragon ball landed at his feet and Red looked down, then up again. 'What is the meaning of this?'

'Sir-' began Goatto.

'Shut up!' snarled Red 'Put the painting on hold until I'm done! Now, Silver, you were about to explain yourself.'

'Nothing to explain,' said Hasky 'I was undercover as the girl you reported. The old man is far stronger than you gave him credit for. He is Master Roshi.'

'The Turtle Hermit? Don't make me laugh, that's an old fairy story.' said Red.

'A fairy story that crushed an entire company.' noted Silver.

'If that's the case how did a weakling like you manage to stop him?' asked Red.

'I'm not the same person who lost to Briefs.' said Silver 'I'm sure Gero can fill you in on the details.' Then he turned and walked out.

Hasky leaned against the wall. 'Be seeing you, boys.'

Then she walked out.

Red growled and reassumed his position. 'Keep on painting. Black, get the dragonball.'

'I have my doubts about Blue.' said Black 'With his dismal record I'd be surprised if he could pull off something this big.'

'Well increasing our rewards, that's fine.' said Red 'Bringing back the dragonballs though, that's essential. Make sure that General Blue understands that this is his last chance to prove his worth to this army!'

'Yes sir.' said the soldier, saluting before departing the room.

'Oh yes, I think thats it.' said Goatto.

'Your done with the portrait!' said Red in joy. 'Let me see it!'

'Uh yes,' said Goatto 'right away.' He picked up the canvass and brought it over to him.

The picture showed a gray haired version of red upon a throne, towering over a squat version of Black. Looking over it, Red smiled. 'It's genius! Genius! You've captured my commanding presence perfectly! Now I see why you're called the greatest painter of your time!'

Goatto smiled. 'Thank you, thank you very much.'

'Yes,' said Black, leaning in over Red. 'he has portrayed very well your great dignity and imposing masculinity.'

Red looked up. 'I told you before never to stand directly beside me!'

'I'm sorry sir!' cried Black.

Gero scoffed in contempt from where he was watching. Fools.

* * *

Hasky entered the office and found Gero waiting for her behind his desk. There was a projector near the far wall, which Gero pulled out. The old man was looking through papers of one kind or another and for a moment pretended not to notice her. Hasky grew tired of this and drew out a gun, which she clicked audibly.

Gero looked up. 'There is no need for that. I'll get to you presently.'

'You'll get to me now.' said Hasky. 'I want to know what I was doing on that island. I want to know why I have these powers. What did you do to me?'

'Nothing, beyond perhaps start you up.' said Gero, picking up a file and making his way over to the projector which he pulled out. 'Tell me, what do you remember about your childhood?'

'Not much.' said Hasky 'I was part of a posh upperclass family. I got sick of it, and ran away. Took up thieving and became a legend.'

'Ah, yes,' said Gero 'that is what you were programmed to think.'

'What are you talking about?' asked Hasky.

'Tell me,' said Gero 'can you remember your parents names?'

Hasky opened her mouth to state the obvious. Yet the obvious wouldn't come, she scanned her mind for their names, yet she found nothing. She couldn't think of anything it was just blank nothingness. Then she came up with some, from somewhere. 'Their names were Dynar and Martha Breakfast.'

'Interesting,' said Gero thoughtfully. 'what about your home address? Street address? City of birth?'

Once again Hasky had nothing, yet as she mulled it over she gradually drew an answer from somewhere. Yet that answer didn't make sense, she kept imagining a run down old house on the prairie. Brothers and sisters whose named she didn't recall. 'I don't see why I should answer any of your questions, old man?'

'You can't think of any can you?' asked Gero 'Nothing that matches up with the backstory you were programmed with.'

'What do you mean?' asked Hasky.

Gero removed a remote from his pocket and pressed a button. The projector activated and showed a black and white picture of two people who Hasky did not recognize. Yet who seemed to fit the images she kept having. The woman, who looked a lot like Hasky, was holding a child. 'This is Dynar and Martha Breakfast, a couple with a great many children to support.

They had financial difficulties and my sympathies were aroused. I offered to pay them a great deal of money in exchange for one of their children's participation in an experiment.' He changed the picture to show a child, a young girl, surrounded by many metallic arms. 'This is Launch. The experiment was to see if it would be possible to supplant existing personalities with an artificial one on command. A data chip was implanted into her brain which, when activated, can create a secondary personality which takes control temporarily.'

'I've read about her.' said Hasky, eyes narrowing. 'Real brute force criminal. Blows everything up in sight.'

'The nature of the personality we implanted in her did not hurt her physically of course.' said Gero 'However it caused her to have violent changes in personality. When she sneezes she switched between a blue haired individual who is far too passive and a blonde haired psychopath.'

'What does this have to do with me?' asked Hasky.

'The program I inserted into Launch's brain was called Master Thief Hasky.' said Gero 'You are an AI. My creation, and now you have come home.'

There was a long, long, silence as Hasky took this in. 'You're a fucking idiot!'

'Well that was not the reaction I was anticipating.' mused Gero.

'What did you expect?' asked Hasky 'That story is just stupid.'

'Really?' asked Gero 'Then how do you explain you suddenly gaining powers without explanation? How do you explain the fact that you don't know where you live, just wake up with a mission and do it.'

'I do missions for money!' snapped Hasky.

'Then when have you ever been paid?' asked Gero 'When was the last time you remember being given the agreed upon payment for a mission? When was the last time you remember agreeing to a job?

You can't remember because it never happened. Until very recently you have only existed in the moment. Only existed when the Red Ribbon Army activated you. You never had enough time until now to see the contradictions, the blank spaces. You do now.'

'So what changed?' asked Hasky 'Let's say I believe you, why tell me this now?'

'Because Launch became a threat to the Red Ribbon Army.' said Gero 'Which ties into why you got those powers. She trained with the Turtle Hermit, alongside most of our other enemies. In doing so she gained tremendous speed and skill, and other powers.

Until now it served my purposes better to only activate you for occasional missions. Now, however, I intend to keep you active in order to prevent Launch from causing any more problems.'

'Well good for you.' said Hasky 'I'm done.'

She walked towards the door.

'Where are you going?' asked Gero.

'Away from here.' said Hasky.

'And where else?' asked Gero 'Look in your wallet. Your ID is for someone else. You are no one out there. Work for me, and my son can make you even more powerful. The Red Ribbon Army is the future of the world.

If you help us achieve that future you could have anything you ever wanted.'

Hasky looked to him, and reflected that he was right. She enjoyed causing mayhem, and she could always backstab them later if it was convenient. 'Alright, I'll stay on as a mercenary.'

'Good enough for now,' said Gero 'I'll have arrangements made for your room and board.'

'Whatever.' said Hasky, before walking out the door.

Silver was waiting for her, arms crossed and smiling. 'Can I say you've made the right decision?'

'You can say so.' said Hasky 'I'm not sure I believe you.'

* * *

The tunnel led onward into the darkness with only the lights on the ceiling illuminating their path. Many of the lights were aged and flickered as they passed under them. The air here was old, and there was something about the place the Kakarot did not like. Yet despite the somewhat ominous nature of things, Krillin was enthusiastic.

'I can't believe we found the pirates secret hideout!' cried Krillin. 'I'm going to find tons and tons of treasure and I'm going to be so rich!'

'You sure are in a good mood.' said Bulma, who evidently possessed a sliver of sanity. 'Don't forget those army guys are still after us.'

'Personally, I'd rather be hunting.' said Kakarot.

'Oh, I wish I had bigger pockets!' cried Krillin 'Or a wagon, or even better a wheelbarrow!'

On the tunnel stretched and they still saw no signs of any side passages or an end. After a few minutes, Bulma sighed. 'How much longer do we have to wait to get to the end of this tunnel?'

'How much longer do we have to wait before we can eat something.' muttered Kakarot.

'We're getting close.' Krillen assured them.

'How would you know?' shot back Kakarot.

Suddenly they came before a hall with smooth violet walls and a smooth tan floor. Holes were all over the left wall and the right, stretching toward the far side. Here they halted in surprise.

'Hey, the path gets much smoother here!' cried Krillen.

'I don't like this.' murmured Kakarot. 'It's too easy.'

'I know.' said Bulma 'Why would a bunch of pirates want to decorate their walls and floor with polkadots.'

'Who knows.' said Krillen 'They can cover the walls with funny papers for all I care. Come on.' He stepped onto one of the polkadots. In that instant, a spear shot out of the wall and surged over his head by an inch before sticking into the wall beside him. Krillin froze.

'I knew it.' said Kakarot.

'I thought those dots seemed kind of weird.' said Bulma.

'What was that all about?' asked Krillen as he stepped back fearfully.

'It must be some kind of booby trap to protect the treasure.' said Bulma. 'See those spears shoot out of the holes in the wall if an intruder steps on one of the spots.'

'Your lucky you're short.' mused Kakarot.

'Hey, you're no giant yourself buddy.' said Krillen.

'How are we supposed to get through here without coming out like swiss cheese?' asked Bulma in a worried tone. 'And those army creeps are still after us. What are we supposed to do?'

'We'll be fine as long as we don't step on the round things, right?' asked Kakarot as he got some distance.

'What are you talking about?' asked Bulma 'They're all over the place. How are we supposed to get through here without stepping on them? Huh? Just look at them.'

'We'll just jump.' said Kakarot, before rushing across the floor and leaping forward. He flew through the air and landed on the other side, before turning around.

'Amazing!' cried Bulma 'That's more than fifty feet!'

'You're turn Krillen.' said Kakarot.

'I see,' said Krillen 'no problem. I can do that.' He stepped back a ways.

'No don't do it Krillen!' said Bulma 'Kakarot's not a normal kid!'

'Don't sweat it.' said Krillen with a smirk. 'I trained with Master Roshi too you know. It'll be a piece of cake.' Then he raced forward and leaped. However, he leaped too high and most of the way there he hit his head on the wall. During his descent, he landed on his back with his head resting on the pokedots and two spears shot out to hit the walls while Krillen's eyes widened in fear.

Kakarot pulled him back. 'Nice work.'

'Shut up Kakarot.' said Krillen. 'That was too close.'

'Care to try?' called Kakarot to Bulma.

'Are you guys nuts?!' asked Bulma 'There is no way I can jump that far!'

Kakarot unsheathed his pole. 'Power pole extend.' The pole shot out so that it was near Bulma. 'Hang on to this, and I'll draw you back.'

As Bulma was drawn gradually back along it, she clung to the pole. 'Kakarot slow this thing down! I'm going to fall off!'

'You should exercise more then.' said Kakarot. 'Retract slower power pole.'

'Now you're shaking it!' cried Bulma.

Finally, Bulma got to the other side and let go to land on her rump.

'Are you okay?' asked Kakarot.

'Don't patronize me!' snapped Bulma.

'Fine,' said Krillen 'let's go then.'

They made their way into a series of halls with violet brick floors and red brick walls. The ceilings were green and everything looked exactly the same. It was quite boring, really. Kakarot tapped his hand against one of the walls. 'Seems solid enough.'

'But be careful.' whined Krillin.

* * *

The scout returned as Blue and his soldiers marched forward. All too soon victory would be Blue's and he would be rewarded properly for his success. The scout saluted and Blue spoke: 'Report.'

'General Blue sir,' said the scout 'the enemy is on the move again.'

'So they must have found something.' said Blue 'The time has come my good men! Get those fools and crush them!'

With a roar of enthusiasm, the red ribbon soldiers rushed down the halls, weapons in hand as they sought their enemy. They would find them and gun them down like the rabble they were! Glory for the red ribbon army! Glory for Blue!

'The dragonball and the treasure will soon be ours.' said Blue as he walked after them. 'Oh, I am so wonderful!'

Suddenly there came the sounds of screams and metal on flesh. Then nothing but silence. In shock Blue raced after his men, to find out what had happened. Racing round the corner he halted and stared in horror, for all his men were lying against the walls, shot with many spears that had emerged from seemingly nowhere.

'My… my company!' cried Blue. 'They've fallen into some sort of booby trap!'

He stepped forward and then a spear shot past his face to land against the wall. 'I see…' he said 'That makes sense. The floor is engineered to attack any trespassers.' He looked down. 'That's odd… I'd like to know how those kids got through. And the pirates must have had some way to get around that trap…' Then he realized the obvious. 'There must be a secret passage somewhere.'

He began to feel along the walls for any switches or triggers. Then he found a rock whose coloration was subtly different. He smiled. 'What's this? I found it.' He pulled it aside and pressed a button he found beneath.

A wall slid aside near him. Walking in, he felt satisfaction. 'Hehe,' he said 'looks like I'll just have to handle you myself. Little brats, I'll outsmart you yet.'

As he walked he soon entered into a pool of water. Walking along, he suddenly felt electricity rush through him and cried out in pain. As he was zapped repeatedly a massive eel slithered around his legs, scaling around his waist and only making the current stronger. His vision was swimming, his hair standing on end. Breaking free of it's grip, he snatched it by the neck with one hand and squeezed, crushing it. Desperately it zapped him, but Blue held firm and stared until it's slithering stopped and it died.

Laughing, Blue tossed it aside and made his way onwards.

* * *

Bulma, Krillen and Kakarot emerged from the hallway into what looked like an indoor replica of a port town. There were many crumbled buildings on the floor, and next to it was a great pool of water with a giant sub atop it. Kakarot looked on in awe.

'Wow,' he said 'it's like a city in here.'

'Yeah…' said Bulma. 'this must have been the pirates port.'

'Sure is a strange location for it.' mused Krillen.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'it's no wonder that no one was ever able to find the pirates base.'

'Why build all this inside a cave?' muttered Kakarot 'It must have taken an enormous amount of work. I couldn't swim all the way down here, so I doubt that any ordinary pirates could. And unless I'm mistaken that vessel is recent. The pirates Master Roshi described were ancient, wielding cutlasses and flintlocks and all that nonsense. This is very modern.'

'Good point,' said Bulma 'which means that either the pirates had futuristic equipment. Or…' Her voice quivered as she looked around. 'There might still be someone here.'

'Oh don't be such a pessimist.' said Krillen 'This has gotta be where they stashed the treasure. It's around here somewhere, I just know it.'

'Hang on a sec,' said Bulma 'that huge submarine. If it's in here, then there must be another way out of the cave.'

'Huh?' asked Krillen 'Why is that?'

'They didn't have capsules in the old days.' said Bulma 'They couldn't just make the submarine small and carry it. So I bet to travel out to sea they had to go under the port.'

'Or they still do.' said Kakarot, looking around warily. 'And I don't think they're human.'

'What do you mean they're not human?' asked Bulma.

Kakarot looked around, coiling for a spring. He could hear footsteps, yet he could not make out where they were coming from. Something was out there, though. He could feel it.

'It's a pirate ghost,' said Bulma 'I just know it.'

Then into view came a massive green robot with a large head and a skull face. In one hand was a giant cutlass, and its other hand was a gun. It swung its sword at them, and Kakarot grabbed Bulma around the waist to pull her away. Krillen dodged as well.

'Arg.' said the Robot. 'Shiver me timbers.'

'Its a phantom!' cried Bulma.

'No, it's a robot!' cried Krillen.

'No, it's a space station!' snapped Kakarot 'Of course it's a robot you imbecile!'

'Walk the plank.' said Robot, charging to attack them again.

They scattered and dodged away. Again and again, it's blade lashed out at them, and each time they moved away. Soon they were put to flight with it chasing them, sword swinging to behead them. Bulma screamed and cried as they tried to get their distance in vain.

It seemed the pirates had left more behind than treasure in their cave. X marked the spot for adventure next time on dragonball.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Alright, this one is done. I'll try to get up the next one next week at the latest. If I'm every going to finish dragonball I have to pick up my pace. Part of my focus has been fixing the grammar in the older chapters and editing them to be an easier read. For now enjoy the latest chapter of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.


	48. Beware of Robot

**Chapter 48: Beware of Robot**

Blue had been following the three kids for some time and now was merely observing. So far he was quite impressed.

'Yo ho ho,' said the Robot as it advanced. 'yo ho ho.'

Blue watched from behind a corner, impressed by it's size and endurance to have lasted all these years in this place. 'What a magnificent little toy…' he murmured.

'Arrr matey!' said the Robot, opening fire with its gun arm.

The three kids dodged away, running for cover as its attack created explosions across the floor. Yet the spiky haired boy leaped forward and dealt a punch to the robots face. Yet to no effect!

'Oh my!' cried Briefs, hiding from gun fire behind what appeared to be a fuel tanker.

The bald child dealt a kick to the Robots chin and the spikey haired child unleashed a barrage of punches against the Robot. Blue was impressed despite himself.

'Both of these kids are experts.' he mused.

The Robot lashed out with it's sword, but the two boys leaped away again. Then landing together they unleashed a simultaneous charge against the Robot. As they came the Robot unleashed a barrage of bullets at them, and they cried out a battlecry.

Leaping over the shots the spikey haired boy landed a punch on the robots face, while the bald one bounced off a wall and slammed it in the back, sending it reeling towards the water. As the boys pressed their advantage, the robot swung round and chopped at them with it's sword, breaking their momentum.

Yet the spikey haired one head butted the Robot on the chin, and the bald one broke it's sword. Leaping into the air, the bald one unleashed a roundhouse kick, only for the Robot to activate rocket skates and surge backwards to avoid the strike.

It then unleashed a massive barrage of bullets which the bald one began to dodge with cries of dismay. The spikey haired one slammed the gun arm aside and the bald one launched an assault in the opening, only to be slammed backwards by the Robots fist. He landed hard and the spikey haired one rushed to his side.

'Get up Krillen,' he said 'we're not done here.'

There was silence between the enemies as they faced each other down. The spikey haired boy and the one called Krillin were panting as they took a stance. 'He's not giving up, is he Kakarot?' asked Krillen.

'I wouldn't have it any other way.' said Kakarot.

* * *

Bulma marveled as the durability and effectiveness of the machine. It wasn't every day that you saw a Robot capable of taking on Kakarot. And given how old it was whoever made it must have been a super genius on her own level.

'He must have been built to defend this port.' she said 'Unbelievable, what a Robot.'

There was a silence which stretched out into eternity.

'Shiver me timbers.' said Robot, before unleashing another barrage of bullets.

Kakarot and Krillin scattered and took evasive moves as the trail of shots followed them wherever they went. Eventually they took cover behind a series of boxes and a corner. The barrage continued, blasting holes in the boxes before abruptly hitting an oil barrel which exploded into a cloud of black smoke.

Kakarot and Krillin were sent reeling to either side, once more in the open. Then out of the smoke came Robot and Kakarot race, racing up a set of stairs. Robot fired at him while hovering over the water so it could continue to get a clear shot. Great holes were blasted in the walls as a result. So focused was Robot on shooting Kakarot, that it didn't see the wall approaching. Kakarot halted in time, but Robot did not and crashed head first into the wall, cracking it visibly.

'He did it!' cried Bulma.

'Yay!' cried Krillen 'Wait to go Kakarot you did it, alright!'

'That was awesome kid!' said Bulma.

'Step back you fools!' said Kakarot 'He's not dead!'

Robot broke himself free from the wall and slid back to stare up as Kakarot, red eyes filled with malice. Backetaling it opened fire again, forcing Kakarot to hit the floor. The spikey haired moneky boy kept on running and Robot followed him.

Bulma then looked to the sub. The sub with guns designed for ship to ship combat on it.

'Hey, follow me!' she said 'I have an idea!'

Krillin and Bulma raced up the gangway to one of the guns.

Taking hold of it. Turning it gradually towards Robot they sighted down range. 'A little more…' said Bulma as she got a clear shot at Robot. 'That's it! Yeah!' She pulled the trigger.

The canon fired a yellow orb which shot through to air to slam into Robot. There was a gigantic explosion which shook the cavern as Robot, or what was left of him, was consumed in black smoke.

'Yeah!' said Bulma 'We did it!'

'Look, Kakarot!' said Krillen.

Bulma stopped cheering as she saw Kakarot lying amid the rubble coughing. 'Oh my gosh, I'm sorry Kakarot.'

The smoke cleared and Robot stood before them, completely unscathed. It rushed at them, it's mouth opening in silent fury.

'Get ready to fire another shot Krillen!' said Bulma.

'Gotcha!' said Krillen in terror.

As they adjusted the guns position, they could see Kakarot racing along the walkway once again. Yet just as they were about to fire, Robot surged away well out of the guns firing path. In a blur it began to circle around them, before landing on the deck.

Turning the gun, Krillen and Bulma fired it. Yet Robot moved aside and the shot only crashed into the wall, shaking the room visibly. Krillin and Bulma fled, and soon found bullets being sprayed after them.

Then Kakarot came down, swinging his power pole. Robot caught the power pole and hurled him across the room. Robot began to advance on him. Then Bulma saw a fuel tanker near her, one with the keys still in it's ignition. Getting inside it she gunned the engine and drove it straight towards Robot.

'Oh no you don't!' said Bulma.

Then she realized she was still inside the truck. Opening the door she leaped out moments before it slammed into Robot, slamming him into the submarine before exploding into a massive swath of flame. There was dead silence.

'Is he dead?' asked Krillen.

There was another explosion beneath the water as a plume of water was thrown into the air.

'I guess so.' said Bulma. 'Go team.'

Blue was impressed despite himself. 'They are good. For kids I'd say their darn good.'

Looking up to the ceiling, however, he became worried. Cracks had formed throughout the walls, small ones, but occasional tremors could be felt. He had the feeling that this place had become very unstable in that little showdown.

'Briefs nearly killed us all.' he reflected.

It was over, or so it appeared to Kakarot. Even so he could not shake an uneasy feeling as he looked at the still uneasy water. Something was very wrong.

'Superb technology,' said Bulma. 'and to think he was built centuries ago. By pirates.'

'Assuming the pirates are dead.' noted Kakarot. 'This place is a little too well maintained for my liking. Besides, I feel like I'm being watched.'

'What?' asked Krillen 'Really?'

'Why did you have to say that?' asked Bulma. 'Nevermind, let's get out of here.'

She and Krillen made their way away. 'Come on Kakarot,' said Krillen 'let's go.'

'I'm coming.' said Kakarot, taking a deep breath.

Then something caught him around the leg and he was pulled off the concrete and into the water. Below him he could see Robot. He had grabbed Kakarot with his tail and was lying beneath the waves. Kakarot hauled on the tail, trying to free himself as he was pulled deeper.

Then it was all he could do to keep his mouth shut when he was shocked by electricity. The pain surged through his body, and he groaned in agony. His mouth opened and water began to fill his mouth.

Reaching down he grabbed at the tail again. With a finaly haul of strength, Kakarot tore part of the tail off and swam for the surface. Emerging from the water he surged through the air and landed on the catwalk from before, gasping for breath.

'Are you alright?!' asked Krillen.

'Alright… me who… what…' muttered Kakarot.

Then a section of the catwalk gave way and he landed in a heap at the floor.

'Kakarot!' cried Bulma.

No, it was fine. He only needed a moment to get his bearings and then-

A rock landed on his tail. Okay, okay, so he just needed someone to get the rocks off him.

'Kakarot above you, look out!' called Bulma.

A whole lot of rubble fell on his head.

Kakarot was out of commission. Bulma was just about to tell Krillen to free him when Robot surged out of the water and began firing at them with it's machinegun. In a panic, she and Krillen fled into one of the buildings to escape it. Rushing through the corridors they went through the first door they found and fell to the ground, kicking up dust.

Bulma kicked the door closed and there was silence.

'Nasty…' said Bulma.

'Bulma do you see what I see?' asked Krillen suddenly.

Bulma looked around. Skeletal corpses were lying around them all over the place. One had been hoisted into the air by a hook through it's shoulder. Another looked to have been shot through the head, based on the hole in it's skull.

They screamed and them Robot burst through the wall. Together they fled up a set of stairs, littered with corpses.

'I don't believe this!' said Bulma as they went up flight after flight. 'We're really going to die!'

'Nice update Bulma!' snapped Krillen 'Thanks a lot!'

Rushing up into a series of halls filled with doors they rushed into one that was ajar and shut it behind them. 'In here.' said Bulma 'We've got a bit of time.'

Then she looked up. On the wall were a series of monitors showing various parts of the pirates base. 'Hey check it out!' she said.

'I know,' said Krillen 'we were just there.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'amazing!' Looking around she saw a great many instruments around them. 'This must be the command center for the whole port!'

'Really?' asked Krillen 'Were they swashbucklers or scientists?'

Then Bulma saw something on the monitors. A blonde man clad in the uniform of the Red Ribbon Army. 'Krillen,' she said 'we're not alone. Who is that guy?'

'Probably one of the Red Ribbon guys who were following us.' said Krillen 'Maybe the Robot will go after him.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, looking back to the instruments. 'I wish my dad were here to see this. These old computers would be like priceless antiques to him. He'd flip. Maybe I can turn off old metal breath from here.'

At once she began typing into the computer system as quickly as she could. She began working faster than she'd ever known even she could work. And she had been known as the fastest among all her peers. Her hands flew over the keyboard in a blur, and she thanked the extra speed she'd gotten from training with Yamcha.

'How much time are we talking about here, Bulma?' asked Krillen.

'I don't know,' admitted Bulma 'the system is so old.'

'Well, my dad always says,' said Bulma 'where there's a will, there's a way.'

Krillen rushed back to check the door, then shut it. 'Hurry Bulma!' he cried 'We're next!'

'Darn this thing!' roared Bulma as she typed frantically. 'The file structure makes no sense!' The pirates would have had to have a way to power it down for maintenance sometime! Where was it!

The door burst open behind them and Robot rushed in.

'Bulma!' said Krillen 'Times up!'

'Arg.' said Robot, before raising his gun.

Scanning through the files Bulma could not find a maintenance shutdown. Then she saw something else.

She activated it.

Robot began to glow visibly. Bulma saw a window.

'Bulma, what did you do?' asked Krillen.

'RUN!' cried Bulma.

* * *

Kakarot was pissed. The rock on his tail had shifted a bit, and so now he could move. Hauling himself upwards, he flung off the rocks in wrath. He stalked out, looking for his enemy. He knew what he'd do now, he'd get on top of one of those buildings, descend like a lightning bolt and smash the things to bits.

Just like Nam would have done.

Now if only he could find Robot. Or the others.

Then he was thrown back as a blinding light shook him. His ears rang as the entire top half of the building behind him was consumed in flame. Down came Krillin, who landed on one knee. Down came Bulma, who Kakarot caught in his arms and set down.

'Bulma what did you do?' asked Krillen.

'I uh…' Bulma paused. 'I saw a self destruct option on the computer console. I activated it.'

'But…' Kakarot began 'I was going to kill it!'

'Look can we get out of here.' said Krillen. 'I want to leave before that Red Ribbon Army creep finds us.'

'Fine, you guys go on ahead.' said Kakarot.

'Seriously?' asked Bulma.

'I'll fight the Red Ribbon Army guy and you can find the dragonball.' said Kakarot.

'No way!' said Bulma 'What if we find a crossroads and get separated! We're going on mister!'

Kakarot remained silent for a moment. 'Alright fine, we'll go.'

They rushed into the nearby hall, however as they raced along it there was a tremor and the sound of breaking. Krillin looked up, worried. 'This whole place could cave in. We'd better hurry up.'

'According to the Radar, we're practically on top of the dragonball.' said Bulma.

They began to run together, as fast as they could. 'It should be right up ahead,' said Bulma 'just a little bit further.'

Then they came to a crossroads. One path led one way, the other path led the other way.

'Great,' said Krillin 'now what? Which way do we go?'

'It's gotta be this way guys,' said Bulma, motioning to the left. 'come on!'

'What are you basing that assumption off of?' asked Kakarot 'Other than absolutely nothing.'

'Look we have to go one way, and we don't have time for an exhaustive search.' said Bulma 'So let's split up. Kakarot, you go left. Me and Krillin will go right. We'll meet up later.'

'But what if the Red Ribbon guy corners one of us?' asked Krillen.

'Oh come on, their about as credible a threat as paper machete.' said Kakarot 'I think you can handle it.'

'You know, he actually makes a good point.' said Bulma 'Silver and White were nothing compared to us. We'll meet up later. See ya!' And they raced off in opposite directions.

* * *

Blue observed their flight and laughed to himself. 'Little naive twerps. They'll find I'm far more formidable than Silver or White could ever hope to be.'

* * *

Bulma and Krillin raced along the tunnel until they suddenly came to a dead end with only a well of water. 'It's a dead end.' said Krillin 'What do we do?'

'It might be within the water.' said Bulma 'I hate to say it, but it's the only way.'

They shed their outer clothing and heavy training weights, and Bulma had to admit she enjoyed no longer having them on her. She'd long since forgotten about them, and now she could move freely. Krillin seemed to be similarly happy, although she noted him checking her out.

Still, it was undeniable that she was a very beautiful woman.

Together they plunged down into the water and swam along a passage. It was amazing how quickly they founf themselves moving. All this training had really paid off.

* * *

'What?!' said Blue 'I have to get wet? I knew I should have packed my bikini trunks.' He shed his outer jacket so that he was wearing only his pants and boots, giving any lucky onlookers a look at the perfection of his frame. 'Mmm, what a bod.'

Then he dove in after them.

* * *

Kakarot continued to run, then paused suddenly to glance back. He sighed. 'Well it looks like that Red Ribbon guy who was following us is going after Krillin and Bulma.' He paused. 'Should I go back?'

Then he looked down the hall. 'Nah, the dragonball might be down this way. And I'm sure Krillin can handle it. He hasn't even taken off his weights yet.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Alright, this chapter came out much quicker than the last. Let's see if I can keep this up. On a separate note, Robot is a really badass villain despite having no lines of substance. When I first saw him I figured he'd be killed off pretty quick, but he proves almost completely impervious to everything the heroes throw at him and really gives the heroes a run for their money. This was back when taking an entire episode to kill someone was a really long fight. In the original episode, of course, it was Goku who killed Robot by leaping from the top of the building with one of Nam's Aerial attacks.

I guess I figured I'd give Bulma another notable victory, since in the show it seemed like a very clever way to deactivate him. Basically she is faster than in canon, which means she accessed the data faster and found a way to destroy Robot.

Oh and the program I use to correct my grammar is on the fritz so I'll have to wait awhile before I can fix any mistakes I might have made in this chapter.


	49. The Pirate Treasure

**Chapter 49: The Pirate Treasure**

Kakarot sped down the winding corridor as quickly as he could. It seemed to go on and on without end, and every section of the wall looked exactly the same. There were no passages leading to the right or the left, and though he supposed he ought to be glad of this, it irritated him that everything looked exactly the same.

Then a tremor shook the floor and he fell forward. Above him he saw the cracks on the ceiling deepen. Bits of plaster and small stones began to rain down onto the floor. 'Wonderful,' he said 'at this rate we might have to abandon the dragonball.' Then he realized that Suno was counting on him to ressurect her Father. No, he couldn't just abandon it. He'd made a promise.

He stood and ran on, making a mental note to not let Bulma fire anymore canons in underwater caves in the future. She might have looked sexy doing it, but that was beside the point. For now he had to find the dragonball and get out of here.

Then he ran into a dead end. For a moment he stared.

'What?!' he roared 'Why the HFIL would you build a gigantic hallway that leads nowhere! Whose the braniac who designed this place?!'

* * *

Mr Popo poured water down upon his garden with a smile of satisfaction. It was a beautiful day on Kami's lookout without a cloud in the sky, and there were few things he'd rather be doing than tending to the gardens of this place.

He also knew someone somewhere was admiring his architecture. Designing a base with the spicific intention of making one on one battles more likely was an ancient skill. One with a long and glorious history. The base actually predated the pirates by many thousands of years. He hoped they appreciate just how much work had gone into that place.

* * *

Meanwhile Bulma and Krillen swam on and on, reveling in their newfound speed as they surged through the water towards whatever awaited them beyond. They could see a light drawing gradually closer to them above and they swam for it. Their lungs were nearly bursting and yet it was so far away.

Swimming with all their might they made it through the light and emerged gasping for air on the surface. Looking around they saw an indoor cave with no other exits. Bulma rested on the edge and looked up to see a large many armed statue of Shiva at the far end of the cave. In each of it's hands was a sword and it was clad in a white and red robe. Before it's base were three chests, one yellow, one red, and one blue.

'Hey Bulma look!' said Krillin 'The treasure!'

Bulma pulled herself up and raced ashore. 'I don't believe it! The treasure! We actually made it!'

'Yeah!' said Krillin 'This is great!'

Then the arms of the statue shifted and its eyes opened to glow red.

'Krillin,' said Bulma, pointing. 'the statue moved!'

'Don't move.' said Krillin.

One of the blades glowed and shot out at them. Bulma leaped aside as the blade landed where she had been moments ago.

'Stay still!' hissed Krillin.

Bulma realized that it might only target movement. She was promptly corrected when it sent several more blades shooting towards her and she was forced to run away to escape them. 'Krillen do something quick!'

Krillen grabbed one of the fallen swords and drew it out. He then used it to deflect one of the incoming blades. Bulma took shelter behind a rock, and watched. Several more blades were launched at Krillen and each one was knocked away.

Shiva's eyes widened.

'Bring it on.' said Krillen with a growl.

A particularly large blade shot from Shiva's face.

Krillen stepped aside and hurled his sword. It planted itself firmly between Shiva's eyes and Krillen laughed in satisfaction. 'Yeah,' he said 'a bullseye. Now let's see whats in here.'

He raced over to the chest.

'Hey Krillen be careful.' said Bulma.

'Don't worry,' said Krillen 'if we can handle old ten arms up there, we can handle anything.' And he threw open the chest to reveal a model pirate which opened fire with a very real gun. Krillen dodged just in time, and waited until it ran out of ammo.

'Eheheheheh, eheheheheh.' laughed the model pirate.

Bulma made her way over to it slowly and looked at it. She knocked it on the head and it fell over. She turned to Krillen. 'He wasn't so tough.'

'Oh yeah?' asked Krillen 'Then why were you hiding behind that rock?'

'Its a good thing you're so short.' said Bulma 'Or else he would have blown your head off.'

'I'm not short!' snapped Krillen.

'Not only are you short,' said Bulma 'but you're short sighted. That's why you almost got killed. You should know better than to open the gold chest. Right in the middle? Duh, it was a set up.'

'Oh?' said Krillen 'And which chest would a tall brilliant person like you have opend?'

'Well that dull one there.' said Bulma 'No one would think to open that first.'

'Except a genius like you?' guessed Krillen sarcastically.

'Exactly,' said Bulma 'very perceptive.'

She began to open the chest. Suddenly there was a rattling sound and Bulma ducked with a cry. Krillen made his way over. 'Bulma, that was me.'

'I know!' she lied.

Together they opened the chest and saw inside it a single golden key. 'What do you think it's to?' asked Bulma.

'I don't know.' said Krillen.

Bulma picked up the key and looked at it. 'Some treasure. What do you think it's to? A door.'

'Well there aren't any doors in here.' said Krillen, before his eyes locked on something. 'Hey, Bulma, check it out. That's gotta be it.' He pointed to a key at the base of the statue.

'Yeah,' said Bulma, making her way forward. 'good eye. This could be big trouble.'

'Yeah,' said Krillen.

She inserted the key while Krillen gulped.

Rainbow sparkles began to pour from the mouth of Shiva and Bulma marveled. 'Wow, look how beautiful it is.'

'Wow.' said Krillen.

And before their eyes the golden chest filled with treasure. Gold and jewels and all kinds of other wonders filled it to the brim, practically spilling.

'You know what this means, don't you?' asked Bulma.

'What?' asked Krillen.

'We're rich!' said Bulma.

'I'm afraid that you're both mistaken!' said a third voice. 'That treasure belongs to the Red Ribben army.'

'Not you people again.' said Bulma.

They turned around. If she had seen the specimen of sheer handsome manliness which now stood before her before she met Kakarot, she would have been introducing herself and clinging to his arm. However Bulma had grown up a bit since then, and so she merely admired his chiseld abs before focusing on the immediate problem.

'He's pretty big, isn't he?' asked Krillen, taking a stance. 'Well he'll fall all the harder.'

'I doubt you'll be so confident when you're dead.' said the man. 'You have a death wish, don't you cueball?'

Krillen laughed. 'Just cause your tall and musclebound doesn't mean I can't stomp you pal.'

'Oh?' asked the man 'You think so huh?'

'I know so.' said Krillen.

They surged toward each other and exchanged a series of blows. However the Red Ribbon soldier had more reach, and dealt several harsh blows to Krillen who staggered back. Giggling to himself the Red Ribbon soldier took a stance. 'What's that your wearing, a little diaper?'

'Krillen are you alright?' asked Bulma.

'I'm fine.' said Krillen 'He's just a puffed up sissy.'

'Sissy huh?' laughed the soldier. 'Well bring it on diaper man.'

The two leaped toward each other, as Krillen unleashed a series of blows. He caught the soldier across the face with a kick, headbutted him in the gut, struck him upside the chin, got him in the shoulder, and then he took an elbow to the face and was sent reeling backward. The soldier wiped blood from his lip, bruised from the beating he had taken.

'That's it.' said Krillen, pretty bruised himself. 'You did it now.'

'You bloodied my beautiful body!' cried the soldier.

'That's not all I'm bloodying today!' said Krillen, before charging at him.

The soldier struck, but his hand phased through Krillen's after image. Moments later he was struck across the face from above and sent reeling back. Krillin landed in satisfaction. 'You're through. Give it up, sissy.'

'You monster…' said the soldier as he arose. 'How could you kick something so beautiful…' Then he looked at his hand as it came away from his face. 'Oh no! Blood! Blood! Disgusting blood! How could you?! That's like throwing a can of red paint on the Mona Lisa!' He let out a high pitched squeel. 'How could this happen to me?!'

'This guy is strange.' said Krillen.

The soldier turned around to glare at Krillen with hateful eyes. 'You killed my perfect looks! For that you must perish!'

'Come on then!' said Krillen 'Give it your best shot! I dare you!'

The soldier let out a feral growl and his eyes glowed blue. The whole room seemed to go dark at that moment. Suddenly Krillen stiffened up, unable to move and whimpering with pain as the soldier advanced.

'What's the deal?' asked Bulma. 'Krillen, are you okay?'

Krillen was shaking visibly, unable to move. 'I can't… budge. He did… something with his… eyes…'

'What's wrong little man?' asked the soldier. 'Feeling a little stiff eh? Maybe I should have bothered to mention my special power.'

'Hey no fair!' cried Bulma 'He can't move! You're cheating you beast, stop!'

'What are you talking about?' asked the soldier 'You can't cheat in a fight to the death! Fool! Whoever is alive at the end of the battle is the winner and that's that!' He cracked his knuckles.

'D-darn you…' said Krillen fearfully.

Bulma couldn't compete with him physically. Krillen was way better than him and they had been just about evenly matched. What could she do?

The soldier kicked Krillen in the face, sending him flying into the air. As he fell, the soldier punched him hard, sending him flying to crash into the wall.

'Krillen no!' cried Bulma. He was going to kill him. The soldier was going to kill Krillen. She had to do something. But what could she do? The most she had been able to do so far without tools was kill some soldiers who were trying to-

Sexual attraction!

'Ehehehehehe,' said the soldier. 'I know that hurt! Don't worry, it'll be over soon!'

The ceiling began to crack a small stones fell down from above. The soldier looked up. 'This whole place is falling apart!' He looked down at Krillen 'I'd better finish these two off quickly, so I can find that dragonball!'

'Alright!' said Bulma 'Desperate times call for desperate measures!' And she marched forward, getting into character. 'Hey there military man, your muscles are like rock. They're huge. How do you do it? You're so buff. I work out too…' She stuck out her chest and butt at once, letting out a breathless sigh.

'Do you want to give me nightmares?!' asked the soldier.

Okay so sexual attraction had failed. 'Would you be surprised if I said yes?' she asked. 'Alright pal, I may look small but I'm a trained martial artist!'

'Would you stop wasting my time?!' roared Blue.

Bulma held her ground and took a stance. Maybe she could hold him off long enough for Kakarot to arrive.

'Silly girl,' said Blue 'I may have perhaps let you go, but now sister, you're next. I'll deal with you as soon as I finish off this little meddler here!'

'No!' cried Bulma.

'Yes!' shot back Blue, picking up a huge rock. 'Even though you're about to die you should be very proud of yourself. You're the first opponent I've had that made me bleed. Yes! And unfortunately for you, the last!' He brought down the rock.

'No wait!' said Bulma.

The soldier halted mid strike.

'You can't kill us!' said Bulma 'You need our dragonballs. We have two of them stashed away. If you let us go, they're yours!' Where was Kakarot when you needed him?

'I really appreciate the offer.' said Blue 'But I don't make deals to get what I want. I just take it. Now, no more interruptions! It's time to crack this coconut wide open! Be brave and smile!'

Bulma was about to attack him. Anything to hold off the soldier just a few seconds more. However at that moment the water exploded upwards and Kakarot appeared, surging into the air.

'Kakarot, yes!' cried Bulma triumphantly. 'You made it?!'

'Krillen, are you okay?' called Kakarot in mid air.

'Quick, come down!' said Bulma.

He backflipped through the air to land in front of the soldier.

'Kakarot, he was about to kill us!' said Bulma 'He works for the Red Ribbon Army! Take him out!'

'Red Ribbon huh?' asked Kakarot 'Guess I have some more trash to dispose of.'

'So you've heard of us.' said the soldier. 'We've heard of you. I'm General Blue, if you want to know.'

'I'm surprise you were able to beat Krillen.' said Kakarot 'That makes you far more powerful than any of the others losers I've taken out before now.'

'Oh diapers.' said Blue 'Of course. He put up a pretty good fight I'll admit.'

'Kakarot…' said Krillen.

'If that's the case,' said Kakarot 'then this should be easy.' He took a stance and Blue followed suit.

'Put em up then.' said Blue, a smile on his face.

Bulma gulped. While Kakarot squared off against Blue the pirates hideout was collapsing around them. She was beginning to think that none of them would make it out of this alive.

 **Authors Note:**

Well here we get to the fight between Krillen and Blue. This episode's ending is one of the more memorable moments of the season for me. Kakarot arriving just in the nick of time to save Krillen and Bulma is one of his better big damn heroes moments. There really wasn't that much of a change in this episode, other than Krillen doing a lot better in his fight than in canon.


	50. Blue, Black and Blue

**Chapter 50: Blue, Black and Blue**

The room shook. Cracks could be seen growing on the walls while fragments of small stone rained down upon the two warriors as they faced one another now. Any minute now the cavern would cave in. And when it did they had to be well away from here. Bulma hid behind one of the chests as the tremors continued to mount.

Kakarot was tired of silence.

'So are we gonna do this or just wait until the ceiling falls in on our heads?' asked Kakarot.

'Oh don't you fret, little boy.' said Blue 'You won't get left out, I promise you that. There's plenty of room on the floor next to your egg head chum.'

'Plenty of room inside your skull too, if the way you carry on is to be believed.' said Kakarot 'You do realize we're both on a time table here? Can we fight please?'

'Oh you're in that much of a hurry to die?' asked Blue.

'I'm in a hurry to get this over with.' said Kakarot.

'Well tell me, can you get over this?' asked Blue, before striking a pose. In moments his muscled physique shifted and bulged and he hulked into even more formidable appearance. 'Yes, I can see your lip quivering with fear little one. No worries, the end is-'

Then Kakarot's elbow was in his gut. Blue hunched over, mouth open, eyes widening in their sockets as he gasped in agony. Hardly able to react to Kakarot's assault. Kakarot smiled. '-here. How astute of you to notice. It's ironic, if you'd fought me openly in the beginning you might have lasted longer. But I've been wearing heavy weights all this time, and I had to get rid of them to follow you.'

He removed his elbow and Blue collapsed to the ground, stunned and defeated in mere moments. Kakarot turned to walk away. 'Bulma, are you alright?'

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'that was awesome Kakarot.'

'Well I wanted to toy around with him, but it was taking too long.' said Kakarot.

'You insubordinate twerp!' roared Blue, coming up from behind. 'You dare to mock me!'

He swung round a kick, which Kakarot leaped over idly, landing on top of the treasure chest. 'Oh congratulations, you have managed to actually attack without making a speech first. I mean it was totally ineffective but-'

'Silence!' roared Blue, surging at him.

Kakarot leaped over an assault which shattered the treasure chest and scattered golden coins all over the ground. He landed on the opposite side and began clapping sarcastically.

'You can run!' roared Blue 'But you're still going to die!'

He charged at Kakarot and unleashed a flurry of punches, which Kakarot dodged and weaved around with a bored expression on his face. Eventually Kakarot leaped right over Blue's shoulder to land behind him and dodged another few punches. Eventually Blue rushed at him laughing.

'Now it's over!' cried Blue, throwing a final punch.

Kakarot caught the fist in his own and held it there. Blue strained to pull out, becoming more and more frantic as he tried to get loose. Kakarot simply remained silent. 'Over? What's over? The battle? It seems to be still going on. Oh, you mean your credibility as an enemy. That must be what you were taking about.'

He left go of Blue's fist and the General stumbled back, nursing it. Then Kakarot struck, surging forward and dealing three roundhouse kicks to Blue. Any one of them would have sent him flying, but such was the speed and force of their delivery that all of them connected before physics realized it had happened.

Or at least it seemed that way to Bulma.

Blue was sent toppling head over heels, and landed face first in the ground. Kakarot looked on in idle contempt. Gradually, painfully, Blue pulled himself up and turned around. 'You insolent runt! You actually struck me!'

'Get used to it.' said Kakarot before surging forward and punching Blue in the gut. The General keeled over, gripping his stomach.

Kakarot dodged Blue's counter attack, bounced off a wall and struck him on the back of his head. Blue hit the ground and lay very still.

'This is the part where I could make some kind of homophobic insult.' mused Kakarot 'But I'm really not feeling up to it. Besides, no one should ever be judged for their lifestyle.'

'That was amazing Kakarot.' said Krillen as he stood up. 'You're even stronger than you were during the martial arts tournament.'

'We all are.' said Kakarot. 'How did this guy beat you anyway?'

'He used some kind of weird psychic trick on me.' said Krillen 'His eyes glowed blue and all of a sudden I couldn't move at all.'

'Wonderful,' said Kakarot 'I'll just have to make sure he doesn't use it then.'

'My tooth is loose!' cried Blue 'My tooth is lose!' He stood up and turned around with a look of absolute fury on his face. 'You should not have done that! You are a thorn in my side! Time to pluck you out!' And he began to glow blue.

Kakarot punched him in the gut, kicked his legs out from under him and then used a two fisted slam to crush him into the ground. Dead silence.

'What?' said Kakarot 'So I'm just supposed to sit around and let you use your special attack? Sorry, not happening. Hey look a mouse!'

He kneeled down as a mouse came out of a hole and looked at him. Kakarot petted it behind the head affectionately. As he did so the cracks in the ceiling grew larger and a huge rock fell down to nearly crush Bulma.

'We have to go now!' said Bulma.

'We have to find the dragonball.' said Kakarot, picking up the mouse, and allowing it to crawl on his arm. 'Don't slouch Krillen.'

At that moment the Shiva statue began to crack, and then it shattered. From it's broken form poured many gold and jewels which landed on the ground among them. There were priceless necklaces, and ornate daggers. Fancy head gear, and ancient coins.

They stared in wonder and Bulma smiled before running forward. Even as she did so, however, a great crack appeared in the floor and she nearly fell in.

'Look at all those jewels!' said Krillin 'The treasure is all ours!'

'What good is a treasure if we aren't around to use it?!' asked Bulma 'Come on, we've got to go now!'

'What about the dragonball?' asked Kakarot.

'It's at the bottom of that pool over at the far wall.' said Bulma 'But there's no time to get it now! Come on!'

'You guys go ahead, I'll catch up.' said Kakarot 'I have to get the dragonball so I can bring back Suno's Father.' And he set down the mouse, before rushing towards the pool.

'No, Kakarot wait!' said Bulma.

Too late, he'd already taken a breath and dived in.

Kakarot swam downwards as quickly as he could manage, ignoring the large stones which cascaded down around him. Deep beneath him he could see many gleaming things far below. Were these more gold and jewels? Interesting.

Down and down he swam seeing many wonders and fine jewels. He saw golden swords sticking into the sand, yet he knew he must remain focused. At last he came to a skull which had the jewel between it's teeth. He plucked it out and turned to leave. As he did, he looked once more on the jewels and weapons.

It would be a shame to leave this place without some trophy. Kakarot would have liked to take a sword, but he doubted he'd be able to swim all that way, and they did not look practical for real war. He reached out and took an ornate silver necklace with a red gem in the center. Then, swimming up, he made for the surface.

More stones were falling around him, and even one would knock what little air remained in his lungs from him. He dodged and weaved, afraid that one would strike him. He did not want to drown in this place. His strokes became more desperate as his air dwindled, until at the very moment when he thought he must fail, he was out of the water and all was suddenly well.

Emerging onto dry land, he looped the necklace around his neck and looked for the mouse. Where was the mouse?! Where was the damn mouse?! He didn't want the poor thing to die! He ran too and fro, seeking the creature desperately amongst the collapsing halls. Seconds became minutes as he searched.

He looked inside the chests, and inside the crack which had formed in the floor and did not find it.

Then he saw it hiding behind a chest. Moving forward he snatched it. 'Hey, we've got to get out of here. This whole place is coming down.'

Yet he knew the mouse couldn't breath through all that water. Without any other option he put the mouse in his mouth and dove into the waves as another tremor struck.

* * *

Bulma and Krillin, meanwhile emerged from the well and fled through the halls of the collapsing lair in a blind panic. Stones fell around them, nearly braining them several times as they ran on and on.

'We shouldn't be far from the sub!' said Bulma.

'Let's hope the submarine is still there!' said Krillen.

'If it's not we've got a long way to swim!'

'I don't believe it!' said Krillen.

'There is nothing we can do!' said Bulma 'Come on, we'll meet him outside!'

As soon as they reached the room where they had fought Robot, they found smoke everyone. One of the fuel tankers had been crushed, and the explosions results now shrouded the room. They pushed on through the stink, the suffocating smoke and raced onwards.

Yet almost as they had reached the way out they halted for the passage ahead of them collapsed. Bulma stared in horror, for she realized they were trapped. She looked to Krillin, who had been very near the entrance and had fallen. 'Are you okay?'

'Fine.' said Krillin 'How about the submarine.'

'I don't know.' admitted Bulma 'I think it's still intact.'

'Great,' said Krillin 'how are we supposed to get to it? We'll be crushed by rubble!'

Bulma looked around. Then she spied something, a small submarine floated on the wild waves, marked with the emblem of the pirates. 'We can do it!' she said 'If we stay here we're goners for sure! So buck up and follow my lead!'

She led him up to the sub and pulled the hatch open. 'Quick untie us, I'll get the engine started!' Working as quickly as she could, Bulma prayed she would have time.

The tremors were happening more and more often now.

'What about Kakarot?' asked Krillin 'He's been gone a long time!'

Bulma got it working and smiled. 'It's running!' she said 'Fuel level is fine, and we're ready to go!'

'The building is about to collapse!' said Krillin.

As if to prove his point, massive stones began to fall from above, crushing the top of the larger sub. Others fell, leaving massive dents. Even one of them would have crushed their sub to paste and them with it.

This was bad. Where was Kakarot? He should have been here by now. Had the passage collapsed behind them? Had he been buried alive?

'Kakarot!' called Krillin.

The buildings on the shore collapsed and fell in on themselves. The room was shaking constantly now. Any moment and they would all be crushed alive.

'This is insane!' said Bulma 'Why did he have to go after that stupid ball?! It's not going to do him any good dead!'

'Oh stop talking like he's not going to make it out!' said Krillin 'He'll be fine!'

'And how do you know that, huh?' asked Bulma 'We barely made it out alive and we were running as fast as we could! Kakarot wasn't going to leave without that dragonball!'

'Fine.' said Krillin 'So what if it were you in there?'

Bulma considered that. Not too long ago she would have expected the others to go looking for her, to pull her out of danger as usual. Now however, she knew better. If she had been trapped and her friends were in this position, she knew her answer. 'I'd expect you to make the same decision I'm having to make now!' she said, closing the hatch. 'We're leaving, now! I wish there was another option but there's not! If Kakarot were here he'd say the same thing!'

Then Bulma realized that that last part was a lie. It didn't change reality, though. She began to make the preperations to dive.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, cliffhanger! I was afraid that if I cut down the Blue fight it would make this chapter too short, so I had Kakarot toy around with him after being unable to end it in one strike.

For those of you who aren't clear on powerlevels, Blue is on the same level he was in canon. Krillin is much stronger because of weighted clothing. Kakarot is about as much stronger than Krillin as he was in canon, maybe a little bit more. Since Blue and Kakarot were about even, Kakarot crushed him, but wasn't strong enough to pull a Goku Vs Recoome and crush him with one stroke.

Okay, okay.

I actually think of this moment in canon as Bulma's finest hour in a way. A moment where she cuts the crap, logically analyzes the situation and makes the mature decision to cut Goku loose so they all wouldn't die.


	51. Escape from the Pirate Cove

**Chapter 51: Escape from the Pirate Cave**

A massive chunk of masonry fell downwards to crash headlong into the larger sub. Other chunks fell around them, splashing into the water without relent. As all this happened, Bulma pulled back a lever and prepared. 'Alright let's go!'

Krillen watched the exit which Kakarot would come out of if he did come out. Little by little the sub began to sink down into the waves. _'Kakarot, where are you?'_ he thought.

Then he saw him. 'Wait a minute!' cried Krillen 'He's okay!'

Bulma looked up in joy. 'Kakarot!'

Kakarot came rushing out of the hall, wearing a strange silver necklace with a blood red ruby on the end. From his mouth was sticking a mouth tail and in his hand was the dragonball. They came out of the water and opened the hatch as he rushed by.

'Kakarot!' cried Krillen 'We're over here! Quick get in!'

Kakarot obeyed and leaped into the sub, still not answering and the hatch was closed. Soon enough they sank into the ocean as the entire cove collapsed behind them. Kakarot took the mouse out of his mouth and set it down on the seat.

It was more than a little eerie seeing all those rocks sinking around them. As they sped through the water into an unwater cave, Krillen breathed a sigh of relief. 'You had us worried there for a minute.'

'It would have taken less time.' said Kakarot 'However I had to find that mouse.' He rubbed its nose. 'How are you doing, little guy?'

'Quiet!' snapped Bulma 'I'm trying to concentrate! We're not out of the water yet!'

A rock fell from above and bounced off their ship. Then another and Krillen was afraid that one large enough to shatter the cockpit would hit them. 'Is it just my imagination or are the rocks getting bigger?'

'Nope.' said Kakarot cheerfully. 'We're all gonna die.'

At that moment a gigantic boulder fell down to bar their way. Bulma managed to menuever them around it, yet several smaller ones fell down to nearly crush them. She ducked and weaved them through while Krillen felt sure they were dead.

Then they came to a dead end.

'It's blocked.' said Bulma.

'We're done for…' said Krillen.

'What about that side passage back there?' asked Kakarot, motioning.

They looked and sure enough there was a side passage leading into the rock. Bulma turned the sub and shot down it at top speed.

'Great eyes kid.' said Bulma 'Perfect this passage might lead to the surface! Hold on everyone! We're getting out of here!'

Krillin wasn't quite sure. The passage seemed to be getting narrower and narrower as they pressed on. 'Are you sure about this? It looks like a tight fit.'

'Excellent idea.' said Kakarot 'Let's stay where we are and die.'

They were jostled and jolted repeatedly as they pressed on. Krillin was almost certain they were going to die now. 'At least things couldn't get any worse.'

They ran out of fuel and came to an abrupt halt. Kakarot and Bulma glared at Krillen.

'What?' said Krillen.

'You just had to say it, didn't you?' asked Bulma.

Then, as their sub hit the bottom Krillin and Bulma began to panic, cry and weep.

* * *

Kakarot found the whole affair rather boring and decided to pay attention to other things. He looked behind him. Then he had an idea. A wonderful, awful, wonderful idea. He picked up the mouse and spoke: 'Krillen, this is mouse. Take care of him.'

'What do I look like an animal trainer?' asked Krillen, taking mouse.

'No.' said Kakarot 'They're competent. Now everyone take a deep breath.'

'Kakarot, what are you doing?' asked Bulma.

'Kaaa….' began Kakarot. 'meee…'

'Ah!' said Krillin.

'Is he nuts?!' asked Bulma.

'Haaa…'

They took a deep breath as a brilliant light formed between Kakarot's hands.

'MEHAAA!' cried Kakarot.

There was a surge of light that burst through the windshield. Then they were shot like a rocket through the water. The sensation of the water rushing by them was painful. The feeling of heat from Kakarot's attack was on their cheeks. Their lungs were burning, their whole frame aching. On and on the rush went without apparent end.

Then they surged out of the cave as the passageway exploded behind them, racing up and up and up until they burst out of the water and into midair. Moments later they were thrown from the sub and landed to splash into the water.

Pulling himself up, Kakarot looked around. 'Krillen is the mouse okay?'

'I'm fine,' said Krillen.

'Yeah, okay, that's great,' said Kakarot 'but is the mouse okay?'

'He's fine too.' said Krillin.

Bulma surfaced. 'What now?'

'Well the island is over that way.' said Kakarot. 'Let's swim for it.'

They made it to the island after a few minutes and rested there on the shore for a bit as they recovered from their ordeal. Then they arose. Kakarot, Bulma and Krillen stretched on the beach while Mouse shook off the water. Behind them was a large Red Ribbon Army base.

'I am glad to be back on land.' said Kakarot.

'My sentiments exactly.' said Bulma. 'I sure am glad to have a friend like you.'

'And you were going to leave him.' muttered Krillin. Then he stood and made his way to the shore. 'Just think, we almost had all that treasure. I could have been a millionaire.'

'It's fine,' said Kakarot 'we can just find some rich person we don't like to beat up and take their stuff.'

'Speaking of which,' said Bulma 'I have a souvenir.' And she drew from her bodice a massive diamond.

'How in the world did you get it?' asked Krillen.

'I swiped it during the fight with blue.' said Bulma 'It's a beauty in the sun. This baby would look great on an engagement ring, don't you think?'

'I got a trophy of my own.' said Kakarot, raising the necklace. 'I'm not really sure what to do with it though. Doesn't really suit me, I think.'

'Well you could give it to somebody important to you.' suggested Bulma.

'I guess.' said Kakarot 'Oh, I almost forgot about the dragonball!' And he drew out the three star ball. 'One less to go after I guess.'

'Are we really going to keep looking for these things?' asked Bulma.

'Sure why not,' said Kakarot 'I've got a wish I have to make. Besides, General Blue was easy to crush.'

'I'll bet Yamcha is having better luck than us.' said Bulma ruefully.

'Anyway why don't we continue this conversation back at Master Roshi's place.' said Krillin, before motioning to the vehicles. 'We even have transportation courtesy of the Red Ribbon army.'

'Let's raid their fridge first.' said Kakarot 'I'm starving.'

'Alright we'll go inside and get some food and that's it.' said Bulma 'This place gives me the creeps.'

They made their way into the house and began to look around. They found no fridges, or much of anything. Bulma sighed. 'Doesn't seem to be much here.'

'Uh huh.' agreed Krillen.

'Headquarters to Blue camp,' said a voice. 'come in Blue camp.'

They looked up and saw a mike active on the far wall.

'Awaiting transmission, respond immediately. Do you copy Blue camp, over.' said the voice. 'This is a secure transmission, awaiting reply.'

Bulma stepped forward and spoke: 'I'm afraid that the General isn't returning any calls today.'

'What the… who is this?!'

'Briefs!' said Bulma 'Bulma Briefs! We've just wasted our third General!'

There was silence for a long moment on the other end. Then a thick voice came in. 'Alright listen missy, I don't know how bleeding important you think you are, but nobody messes with the Red Ribbon Army and lives to tell about it. Now hand over the dragonball or suffer the consequences!'

'Hand over to who?' asked Bulma sarcastically. 'We've wasted your whole army.'

'We have many resources.' said the voice. 'And we've already taken your home base. The scientist who really made your dragon radar is in your custody, and if you want him to stay in one piece you'll do exactly as we tell you.'

'Scientist?' asked Kakarot.

'They must mean Master Roshi.' said Krillen 'But there is no way somebody could beat him.'

'Jokes on you pal.' said Bulma 'You need him to build you a new radar. If you execute him, you're back to square one.'

'And whose to say we don't already have what we need?'

It might have been an effective bluff, if Roshi was any use at all in regards to technology.

'Oh believe me.' said Bulma 'I know exactly how much he has told you. And that's nothing.'

'Why you- I am Red! Supreme Commander Red! Attention-'

Bulma cut the transmission. 'Anyway that was fun. Let's get out of here.'

'You guys are nuts you know that.' said Krillen. 'If they captured Master Roshi-'

'No, they didn't.' said Kakarot 'They considered Silver a badass. Master Roshi is way beyond any of us, there is absolute no way they captured him. They probably just were bluffing, and we'll get back to find a pile of corpses on the ground.'

They hijacked a coptor and flew off into the distance. As they did Bulma looked at the diamond in her hand. Then she handed it to Krillen. 'Here you go, take it. I'm giving it to Master Roshi. I'm going to offer it as compensation for the submarine we destroyed, do you think he'll go for it?'

'Are you kidding me?' asked Krillin 'He'll probably flip out.'

'With a jewel like that she could probably buy a million submarines or more.' laughed Bulma. 'Think of anyone to give that necklace to yet Kakarot?'

'I think I'll give it to Chi Chi.' mused Kakarot 'After all our hunt for the dragonballs caused her nation a lot of trouble. We ought to pay her back somehow.'

Kami House was deserted. Launch was nowhere to be found. Roshi was nowhere to be found. Kakarot searched high and low with Bulma and Krillen, and found nothing. Eventually they met up outside the house.

'Where could they have gone?' asked Bulma.

'You don't think Roshi really-' began Krillen.

'No,' said Kakarot 'there is no one on this planet who could defeat Roshi. No one.' Then he saw Turtle. 'Turtle any idea where Launch and Roshi are?'

'It was horrible.' said Turtle 'A whole company of men with guns arrived and tried to take the dragonball.'

'And they captured Roshi?' asked Bulma.

'No.' said Turtle 'Roshi wasted them in about ten seconds. Then this red haired guy named Silver arrived.'

'Silver?' asked Kakarot. 'That loser.'

'He was very powerful.' said Turtle 'Hurled all kinds of ki attacks at Roshi, and he was fast and strong enough to keep up with him somewhat.'

'So he captured Roshi?' said Krillen.

'No.' said Turtle 'Roshi made a fool of him and didn't even take him all that seriously. Then Launch transformed…'

'And wasted Silver?' surmised Kakarot.

'It was like her blonde self,' said Turtle 'but she sounded different. Acted different too. Her presence didn't change any, so she was able to take Roshi offguard and knock him out while Silver distracted him. Then she and Silver and Launch took Roshi and the dragonball and went off.'

'Great,' said Bulma 'so he wasn't bluffing. I hope Roshi doesn't get hurt because of us.'

'Why would Launch betray us?' asked Krillen.

'Hasky.' said Kakarot.

'Hmm?' asked Krillen.

'When we were just starting out,' said Kakarot 'Launch developed a third split personality, that of a master thief. She tried to blow an entire amusement park to bits just to kill us. Far worse than her normal blonde self.'

'Worse?!' said Krillen 'This is serious! And this blonde self is working for the Red Ribbon Army?!'

'So I assume.' said Kakarot 'Still we don't have to worry about Roshi. If he's a prisoner it's by choice. He's probably just sticking around to keep an eye on them.'

'What about the dragonball?' asked Bulma 'They got it.'

'It doesn't matter.' said Kakarot 'I was planning to wipe out their HQ eventually anyway. All that matters is that we have all seven at the end. We'll crush them soon enough. Right after we get something to eat.'

'Is that all you think about?' asked Bulma.

'I'm hungry.' said Kakarot.

Had they but known it, General Blue had survived and was watching them from around the corner. In his hand was a spool of rope, and he had a smile on his face. He had escaped the collapsing lair by swimming. It had been a near thing but he had managed it. Swimming back to shore he had killed the guard he found hiding in a cellar, gotten some rope and set out after them.

Eventually he found this island and here he was. _'No need to get so worked up.'_ He thought. ' _It's all a means to an end. Your end to be precise.'_

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Next chapter is up and enjoy.


	52. Penguin Village

**Chapter Fifty Two: Penguin Village**

The group had sat down and begun pouring for themselves to various soft drinks and were sipping it. As they did so Krillen looked out to sea wistfully. 'I lost my dreams somewhere between the ocean and the bottom of this glass.'

'That's pretty deep,' said Bulma 'but is it you talking or just the fruit punch?'

'Kakarot,' said Turtle 'are you going to rescue Master Roshi?'

'Sure,' said Kakarot 'though I doubt he needs it. I figure we can meet up with Yamcha and then the Dragonball Gang can launch an all out assault. Real climactic and stuff.'

'Suit yourself.' said Bulma 'Me, I'm going home. I've had enough adventure for a lifetime.'

'And how are you going to get back?' asked Kakarot.

'…I guess I'll have to borrow one of Master Roshi's airplanes.' admitted Bulma. 'The diamond should more than pay him back for it.'

From where Blue was watching at the edge of the window he smiled. He had several ropes coiled over his arms. It was perfect. 'Eheheheheh, those amateurs don't stand a chance against my enhanced mental capabilities!'

Then he summoned forth his power and took control of the ropes. As a blue glow surrounded him the ropes leaped to life in his hands. He tossed them into the air and like snakes, they slipped into the house.

'That won't work.' said Turtle 'Hasky stole all the dino caps. I can take you to the shore, but it might take me awhile.'

'Great,' said Bulma 'I've been reduced to traveling by turtle.'

The ropes were slithering into place. Soon he would be able to move.

Then the ropes struck. Cries of alarm came from the kids as the ropes, enhanced by the power of Blue's mind, wrapped them up, making them helpless.

'I can't move.,.' said Kakarot, wrapped head to tail.

The Dragonball fell from his hand and rolled across the floor to land at Blue's feet.

'You!' roared Kakarot 'Coward! Pathetic rat! No offense mouse. Untie us and face us in honorable… combat…' His voice trailed off as his tail was grabbed by one of the ropes. He couldn't move, and his head was going all woozy.

'You can't be here…' said Bulma, terror in her tone.

'You're dead…' said Krillen.

'Who are you?' asked Turtle.

'Someone you should fear, Turtle.' said Blue, picking up the dragonball. 'And I've never felt better.' He looked at the dragonball and laughed to himself. 'Oh, what a beautiful sight… The dragonball, like your fate, is now in my hands.' Then he paused. 'Oh, why do I get the feeling I'm forgetting something? Oh yes, Bulma Briefs, you are cordially invited by General Red to work for the Red Ribbon Army.'

'I'm not going anywhere with you!' snapped Bulma.

'Oh but I'm afraid I really must insist.'

'You maniac!' cried Bulma 'Why are you so interested in collecting the dragonballs anyway?!'

'Who can say?' wondered Blue 'Commander Red's purpose is his own. I've simply been ordered to retrieve them.' Then pocketing the dragonball he made his way forward. 'But most of you don't need to worry about any of this. After all, what is there to worry about when you're dead?'

He drew out a clock and set it down and then activated it. It began to tick and tock repeatedly. Blue laughed. 'The explosive is set to detonate in five minutes.' Then reaching down, he picked up Bulma and threw her over one shoulder before walking for the door. 'That should allow plenty fo time for you to try and save yourselves but… not enough.'

Walking out Kakarot watched helplessly as Blue produced a capsule that transformed into a hovercoptor. Throwing Bulma into it, he got in and flew away into the distance laughing.

The clock was ticking. The sound was infuriating and Kakarot struggled to move. He had to move, to break free. By sheer force of, will he managed to call up some strength to work against the ropes. Yet not enough.

Krillin and Turtle seemed to be hyperventilating, struggling in vain as well. They were all going to die. Or at least the turtle was, Kakarot thought he might well survive the bomb. As might Krillin. Though Blue seemed confident it would kill them, so perhaps it was a special bomb.

'Only three minutes.' he said 'Mouse, gnaw the ropes now.'

Mouse looked up, then went back to snuffling on the ground and walked out of the house. Kakarot narrowed his eyes. 'Well screw you too then you worthless rodent!'

'This is it!' cried Krillin 'We're never going to make it! If only Master Roshi were here, he'd break these binds!'

'We've got two minutes!' cried Turtle.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

'Would someone break that goddamn alarmclock!' roared Kakarot 'It's driving me crazy!' Then he heard something. And then he saw something. 'Look there, in the sky… is that what I think it is?'

Krillin looked and then he jumped for joy. 'The nimbus! The flying nimbus! Chi Chi's here!'

Chi Chi surged out of the sky and landed on the beach. Running toward the door she opened it. 'Master Roshi! Krillen! Kakarot are you there!'

'Not now Chi Chi,' said Kakarot 'there is a bomb ticking at our feet! Get rid of it quickly!'

'What you mean this clock?' asked Chi Chi, approaching it.

'Yes,' said Kakarot 'now throw it out of here!'

Chi Chi grabbed the bomb, raced out into the island and hurled the bomb into the distance. A few moments later there was a terrific explosion in the distance. Chi Chi rushed back in. 'So what have you guys been up to?'

'Chi Chi,' said Kakarot 'I'd love to fill you in, but right now Bulma's been kidnapped and I need you to cut us loose so we can go rescue her!'

'Bulma's been kidnapped?!' asked Chi Chi as she began to untie Kakarot. 'Oh no! But why would Master Roshi let this happen!'

'…He's also been kidnapped.' said Krillen as the ropes came free from Kakarot.

'And what about Launch? And Yamcha and Puar?' asked Chi Chi, beginning work on Krillen. 'Have they been kidnapped?'

'No Yamcha and Puar are off doing something completely irrelevant to anything.' said Krillen 'And Launch has developed an evil split personality.'

Chi Chi blinked as the ropes came free from Krillen.

'An evil split personality which is not on our side.' put in Kakarot.

'Oh that's awful!' cried Chi Chi, working on the turtle. 'We've got to save them!'

'Right now we need to save Bulma and the dragonball.' said Kakarot. 'We can't let the Red Ribbon Army get them all. So long as we keep one, we're good.'

'Oh those mean jerks again.' said Chi Chi 'We're still repairing the village after what they did!'

'Less talking more pursuing General Blue.' said Kakarot. 'To the nimbus cloud!'

Chi Chi and Kakarot raced forward. Chi Chi leaped onto the nimbus and pulled Kakarot up, before glancing up. 'See you Krillen! I hope we can hang out later! Away nimbus!'

'Take them down, Chi Chi!' cried Krillen.

They surged over the water, leaving behind them huge ripples in the waves with their passing. Chi Chi looked annoyed. 'Of all the mean, dirty tricks to pull, especially on a beautiful day like this!'

The chase led them over waterfalls and vast stretches of desert. Past great pleateaus and over vast forests. On and on it went and yet they still did not see Blue's plane. Yet Kakarot knew they were getting close, he could feel it. Soon he would reclaim his Bulma, and kill that… what was a non derogatory word for someone of eccentric sexual orientation?

A question that would have to wait.

'There he is!' said Kakarot 'I can sense him, see him ahead!'

Gradually they began to home in on a dot. And that dot soon became a plane. It became larger and larger. Kakarot drew out his pole.

'Get me in close enough to use my powerpole.' said Kakarot 'I'll do the rest.'

'But if we destroy the plane we might hurt Bulma!' said Chi Chi.

'Oh,' said Kakarot 'damn. Then get in close enough for me to break the windshield-'

Then Blue dodged underneath an arch of rock, and they were nearly knocked off as Nimbus pursued. He began to dodge and weave and they chased after him. Chi Chi kept up easily with him, closing the distance little by little.

Then the engines on the plane gunned and it surged off into the distance. Kakarot swore as it disappeared over the horizon and sheathed his pole. 'Go faster Chi Chi, we have to catch him.'

'I know!' said Chi Chi 'Faster Nimbus! Faster!'

The nimbus began to spin as it increased speed and soon the disappeared craft reappeared and they began to gain. Then they surged over the side of the plane and were going alongside it. Kakarot saw Blue in the cockpit and Bulma tied up next to him. He brought down his powerpole, but Blue decreased speed, allowing the pole to pass him by.

Then he increased speed again and zoomed past them. Once again Chi Chi increased speed and soon the landscape was flying by them at an alarming rate. Soon it was nothing but a blur as the chase went on. Flames began to surround the nimbus as their speed continued to increase.

The world suddenly began to look strange around them. Reality itself began to shift as they continued their journey. Kakarot could hardly believe what was happening. Yet though nimbus went faster and faster Blue always remained one step ahead.

Then suddenly the plane shuddered and began to spin out of control. The world resumed its normal color as they slowed their pursuit to watch the plane careening forward without direction. Kakarot was terribly afraid that it would crash and then Bulma would die.

'Speed up Chi Chi!' said Kakarot.

'I can't!' said Chi Chi 'I think Nimbus is tired!'

The plane regained some semblance of control and turned to rush towards land and they followed as best they could. Yet something was different about this land. The grass was too light a shade of green. The hills were strange colors. The houses were odd.

'This is odd.' said Chi Chi 'I've never seen any place like this before. Is that giant mushroom a house?'

'Looks like it.' said Kakarot, beginning to think he would hate this place. 'Don't let him out of our sight.'

Wait a minute, did the sun have a mouth and eyes? That was… horrifying.

It was a beautiful day otherwise. Children were playing in the water. A yellow tiger was fishing in the water. Birds were chirping and butterflies flying. A microphone on a tree branch provided a pig with the ability to speak to the people.

'Penguin village time, twelve o'clock.'

What.

A panda and a crocodile child were playing in a sandbox, creating sand castles. Multicolored scoops of ice cream, or so Kakarot assumed them to be, were laughing. A tan fox was staring at them in awe. Meanwhile a surge of dust was racing along the road, with a violet haired girl with glasses at the head. Laughing.

What?

A mouse and a man in a mask were cheering her on. Not a normal mouse but an anthropormorphic one, with warped, cartoonish features. And a smile.

What?!

There was what he could only assume was a vampire flying overhead a coffee shop shaped like a pot of coffee. The building itself was smoking from a chimney shaped like a tea kettles spout.

WHAT?!

The chase led them back and forth over a normal enough looking house as Kakarot reeled. He could see the purple haired girl staring up at them in awe.

'Kakarot focus!' said Chi Chi 'We're getting near!'

'Right,' said Kakarot, remembering his purpose. 'power pole extend!' And he struck the plane.

This last impact proved too much for it and it reeled off course. Yet it righted itself and suddenly halted in midair, allowing them to catch up.

'Maybe he's finally giving up.' said Chi Chi.

Then, as they drew near, the engines suddenly roared to life and they were blasted by the exhaust. Thrown from the nimbus, they fell from the sky, descending towards the ground. Kakarot looked up and saw the plane smash head on into a rock face.

'No!' he cried.

Could Bulma be dead? No, no he refused to believe it. She had been training, she was a lot stronger now. She could survive. He and Chi Chi landed on the doorstep of the house they had been chasing Blue above.

Then Kakarot found himself face to face with the violet haired girl and two flying green haired pixie things and he was reminded of where he was. They raised their hands.

'Hi!' said the violet haired girl.

'Hidyhohidyhohidyho!' cried the pixie things in unison.

A long delayed reaction set in.

 **'** **WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!'**

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, so here we he the next chapter, featuring the crossover episode. And since the tone of this fic is darker than dragonball, it is all the more jarring to enter the other series. Oh well.


	53. Strange Visitor

**Chapter Fiftythree: Strange Visitor**

The sun had a face, eyes, a mouth a nose and was laughing. And… were those teeth? And all around them there was an air of serenity which was beyond unnatural. Kakarot couldn't conceive of what was happening? Had he inhaled fumes or something?

'Hello, what's your name?' asked the violet haired girl.

'I'm Chi Chi,' said Chi Chi 'and this is my friend Kakarot.'

'Erg…' said Kakarot, revulsion for the place around him setting in.

'My name is Arale,' said the girl, before motioning to the fairy things. 'and this is Gretchen One and Two.'

'Wow, what strange creatures.' said Chi Chi.

'Would you like to come play with us for a while?' asked Arale.

How was Kakarot supposed to respond to this? Oh yes, he knew how. 'There is nothing about this entire scenario which doesn't make me simultaneously want to puke my own entrails out and claw out my own eyes. I despise you all so intensely that I am unsure as to whether my vision is red because of inhaling fumes, or from my own unforgiving rage!

If and when I fully compose myself I will butcher you and this entire village and then paint the castle I build from your corpses with your fairy blood!'

'You hear that Gretchens?' asked Arale 'He wants to be friends.'

'Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!'

'Kaa… mee… haa… mee..' began Kakarot, before Chi Chi stepped on his foot. 'OW! What!'

'What Kakarot is trying to say is that that sounds like a lot of fun.' said Chi Chi 'But we have to find a friend of ours who has been kidnapped.'

'Oh… who is this friend?' asked Arale.

'Her name is Bulma.' said Chi Chi 'Nimbus! Come down!'

The nimbus cloud came down and they leaped on to it before speeding off. Chi Chi looked to Kakarot reproachfully. 'You cannot go around killing people!'

'This place is unholy!' said Kakarot 'The sun has a face! The people are… indescribable! It's like someone poured all the sugar in the universe into this location! I can feel my teeth rotting!'

* * *

Bulma Briefs had survived the crash and was still tied up. She'd tried to cut the ropes on her hands using some of the wreckage, but Blue had gotten her and thrown her behind a rock. Now the blonde man was gasping for air.

'I believe I owe General White an apology.' said Blue 'I've never suffered a task as difficult as destroying that child.' Then he looked up. Bulma looked up, and saw a nimbus cloud following after them.

'Mmmph!' cried Bulma 'Mmmph!'

'Impossible!' said Blue. 'No one could have survived that fall! What are those kids made of!' He kneeled down and slung Bulma over one shoulder.

In other circumstances Bulma might have been overjoyed to be held by a man of Blue's physique. This was, ironically, her younger selfs dream. Now here she was struggling to wake up.

'Damn those children, those brats are the bane of my existence!' said Blue 'They're not going to get Briefs, or the dragonball!'

'Mmmph!' hissed Bulma.

Then he leaped off the cliff and Bulma began to panic. 'MMMPH! MMMPH! MMMPH!'

'Stop struggling.' hissed Blue as he landed. 'I could be under orders to kill you.'

Chi Chi and Kakarot found the crash site and landed, pulling away various pieces of machinery. As they did so they found nothing. Kakarot sighed.

'It looks like Blue escaped with Bulma before we could get here.' he said 'He probably took the dragonball with him. I'll admit he's a persistant adversary. Comparable even to Pilaf in cunning and ingenuity.'

'Pilaf wasn't that smart.' said Chi Chi.

'That is just what he wants you to think.' said Kakarot firmly.

'Yaaay!' cried Arale, and the Gretchens as they came up the path crying.

'How did they get here?' asked Kakarot 'We traveled like… twenty miles on a nimbus!' He cupped his hands. 'No matter. Kaaa-'

'Kakarot!' said Chi Chi firmly.

'Right, no murder.' said Kakarot 'Sorry.'

Arale reached them and Kakarot eyed her. 'Did you run all the way here?'

'Yes.' said Arale, all smiles.

'That's incredible!' said Chi Chi 'You're as fast as my nimbus cloud! Maybe faster! Who trained you?'

'No one.' said Arale 'I just like to run. It's fun.' She paused and looked at the wreckage. 'You know you don't need all this junk. We have a playground.'

'We're not here to play.' said Kakarot 'We are here to rescue our friend Bulma from the evil General Blue, who kidnapped her.'

'That's horrible.' said Arale.

'Nimbus!' cried Chi Chi.

Down came Nimbus from the sky at her command. Chi Chi leaped on, and Arale spoke up. 'I'll help you look for your friend if you need a hand.'

'Really?' asked Chi Chi 'Your too kind.'

'Would you mind giving me a ride on your cloud?' asked Arale.

'Yeah, sure.' said Chi Chi 'Kakarot would you mind following on your power pole?'

'Why not.' said Kakarot, drawing it out.

'Oh, it might not let you ride it.' said Chi Chi 'Nimbus is very particular about who it lets on.'

Arale leaped up and landed on the cloud easily. The gretchens followed and she laughed merrily.

'You guys have definitely been good.' said Chi Chi.

'Of course,' said Arale 'let's go.'

'You heard her, let's go!' said Chi Chi, before zooming off.

'I think I'm going to be sick.' said Kakarot. 'Power pole extend.'

As he caught up he found Chi Chi looking back to Arale. 'Isn't this wonderful?'

'Yes.' said Arale.

* * *

Meanwhile Blue made his way down the street, carrying Bulma over one muscular shoulder. Glancing around in contempt, he sighed. 'Such a strange, backwards place. With one tank I could conquer it in a day. These simpletons would think I was a god.'

'Mmmph!' said Bulma.

Eventually they came across a number of animal children clustered together in the middle of the road, whispering. Blue halted. 'What have we here?'

'Mmmph! Mmmph! Mmmph!' cried Bulma, trying to get their attention.

They looked up, then continued whispering among themselves. Then they turned back and began making faces at Blue. Then they ran off. Probably not to get help, with Bulma's luck.

'Mmmph.'

Then along came a car. Blue smiled. 'Finally.' Putting Bulma to one side behind a telephone booth he stepped in front of the car with arms wide. 'Halt!'

'Hey, what's the big idea?!' asked a blue haired man. 'Get out of the road!'

'Stop whining and get out of the car.' said Blue.

The man eyed him. 'Nice pants you've got there pal, this should be fun. Opening the door he stepped out and faced Blue down. 'All right, stranger, I'm assuming you didn't stop me for my autograph. Wait here a moment, I'll be right back.'

Racing into the phone booth there was a long pause.

'I can tell this is going to be a long day.' said Blue.

The man reemerged, clad in a blue and orange jumpsuit and posed. 'With I bite this sour plum I become…' He eat a prune. 'Sourman! Incredibly strong and regular!'

'Mmmph.' said Bulma. Who was this kook?

Whoever he was he began to laigh triumphantly. 'Feel free to tremble! For no one can resist the might of Sourman!'

'Perhaps,' said Blue 'but I'd lose the bowtie if I were you.'

'What do you know about being a superhero?!' asked Sourman. 'Have you ever changed clothes in a phonebooth? Or spent hours combing your hair just to get that perfect curl?! Why my dry cleaning bill alone would turn your hair white!

But let's get to the chase.' He set out a series of ceramic plates. 'Bear witness to the awesome power which is me!'

Bringing down one fist he shattered the top plate easily. His hand pulsed as he gritted his teeth, trying to pretend he hadn't hurt himself. 'Ah! There's plenty more where that came from!'

Blue just looked amused. Sourman sweated. 'I do not wish to harm you, stranger, but if you do not move out of my way I will be forced to use extreme measures.'

Blue walked past him without a word. Gripping the phone booth between his arms he squeezed and crushed it into a broken and twisted wreck. Sourman's eyes bulged as he stared in awe.

'Well…' said Sourman 'okay, have you ever thought about taking a sidekick sir? I'm sure I could free up my calender.'

'I have plenty of lackeys.' said Blue 'What I need is transportation.'

'Ah, I understand.' said Sourman 'What mode of travel do you prefer?'

'Something that doesn't have feet.' said Blue 'Do you have an airplane?'

'Yes, an airplane would be perfect wouldn't it?! Why didn't I think of that!' said Sourman with a laugh 'Actually I… don't.'

'Well then perhaps you would be so kind as to refer me to someone who does.' said Blue.

Sourman thought about it with crossed arms. 'Let's see now, who do I know owns a plane? Ah yes, I know! Simbi Norimaki is who you want to see, sir!'

'And where does this Norimaki reside?' asked Blue.

'Yes, it's very simple.' said Sourman 'Just head down this road until you get to the sea. Turn right and his house is on the left.'

Blue picked up Bulma, opened the back seat of the car and threw Bulma in before getting into the drivers seat. 'Nice car. You don't mind if I use it?'

'Certainly,' said Sourman 'certainly. It's my privilege sir.'

Then they drove off. This was proving to be a really long day.

* * *

As they flew through the air, Kakarot saw two people down below, one red headed and talking to a black haired policeman. Arale recognized them. 'Hey look! There's Akane and Taro!'

'I don't care.' said Kakarot.

'Who?' asked Chi Chi.

Descended they landed and Arale jumped off the nimbus to meet Akane. Akane slipped her hands into her pockets. 'Hi Arale.'

'Hi!' cried Arale.

'And who are these?' asked Akane 'I don't believe I've ever seen them before.'

'Their visiting.' said Arale 'Their names are Chi Chi and Kakarot.'

'Hello,' said Chi Chi 'it's a pleasure to make your acquintance. Say hello Kakarot.'

'All of you go die.' said Kakarot.

'Are they friends of yours?' asked Taro.

'Yes!' said Arale 'We've been having lots of fun!'

'Speak for yourself.' said Kakarot.

'You were flying pretty fast.' said Taro 'Do you have a permit for that cloud?'

'Akane here has the coolest scooter in town.' said Arale.

'My ride is nothing compared to this beauty,' said Akane 'what do you call it?'

'It's called the flying nimbus.' said Chi Chi 'It was given to me by my master, Roshi the Turtle Hermit.'

'It's neato!' said Arale 'It even does tricks and stuff!'

'Would you mind?' asked Akane 'I've never sat on a cloud before.'

'And you never will.' said Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Chi Chi 'you probably should climb on with-'

Akane got on and fell through to land flat on her face. Kakarot began laughing uproariously, warranting a chiding look from Chi Chi.

'What did I do wrong?!' she asked.

'Not sure,' admitted Chi Chi 'but it'd have to be something bad. Only people who are pure of heart and mind can ride atop the nimbus cloud.'

Taro was laughing to himself and Akane stood up furious. 'What are you laughing at, you think this is funny?!'

'Actually yes.' said Kakarot.

'You're busted.' said Taro.

'Oh yeah?!' asked Akane 'Well why don't you try it?'

'My pleasure.' said Taro.

He got on the nimbus cloud and was promptly allowed to fall downwards to hit the ground hard. Akane laughed at him. 'Look's like your stars a little tarnished, Taro. I thought you were supposed to be perfect?'

'I'm the police!' said Taro.

'Not really an assurance of virtue.' said Kakarot.

'Hang on,' said Chi Chi 'do you help finding missing people?'

'That's one of our jobs, ma'am.' said Taro.

'Well we're looking for a bad man who kidnapped a close friend of ours.' said Chi Chi.

'Who?!' asked Taro eagerly. 'Is it someone really dangerous? Like a bank robber?!'

'He's a general in the Red Ribbon Army.' said Chi Chi.

'Did you say Red Ribbon Army?!' cried Taro 'The Red Ribbon Army is here in penguin village?!'

'Pretty much.' said Kakarot.

Taro let out a shriek, ran to his car and drove off in a panic. Kakarot watched him disappear into the distance. Akane and Arale blinked. 'What was all that about?' asked Akane.

'Taro?' asked Arale.

* * *

Blue was in a bad mood as he drove along the road at a leisurely pace. Not leisurely out of any plan or relaxation of his, but rather because the car was very, very, slow. He slammed the dashboard.

'Come on!' he said 'I just want to get back to headquarters! Oh I could walk faster than this!'

Bulma felt a surge of satisfaction as the machine broke down entirely. Blue looked furious. 'Mmph.'

'Shut up.' said Blue.

Then he opened the door and got out to check the engine. 'I said work, that's an order!' And he kicked the machine. There was a clung. Nothing happened.

His purcussive maintinance a failure Blue began to fiddle with the car to try and get it to start moving. During this time a little boy with a strange cap on appeared. 'What's this? Excuse me, what's the matter with your car?'

'If I had to guess I would say it was broken.' said Blue.

Brilliant deduction, really.

'Here, let me take a look at it.' said the boy.

Really? Just going to ignore the tied up hostage in the back seat? Okay, just checking.

'Oh really? This isn't so bad.' said the boy 'If you just change this and rotake that valve it'll just take a minute.' As he worked Blue's expression changed as if remembering something.

'Such a kind and thoughtful boy…' murmured Blue 'he reminds me of… Samuel. Can it be that I've found you after all these years? I've missed you, little one.'

The boy did not notice. Then, his work completed, he looked up. 'See how easy that way? It should work now.'

'Amazing,' said Blue 'I can't believe it, you have no idea what this means to me!'

'It was my pleasure sir.' said the boy 'I love automobiles, especially the vintage models like yours.'

'You always did like to fix things, didn't you Samuel?' asked Blue.

'Sorry,' said the boy 'you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Aubatcha man, but you can call me OM for short. Everyonebody does. Well it was nice meeting you, but I'd better be going now I'm late for a meeting.

Goodbye.' And he moved off.

'No, wait, Samuel come back!' cried Blue in vain.

OM was gone.

'Mmph.' hissed Bulma.

'Fool!' hissed Blue 'When will you realize your brother is never coming back, focus on your mission!'

There was a screech as a cop car came into view and three policemen stomped out. Blue looked up, his expression returning to normal. 'Looks like I'm about to trade up.'

'Hey this could be him.' said one of the cops.

'I'll need to see your licence and registration.' said the first one.

Seriously?! Why was no one paying attention to Bulma?!

'I'm sorry officer,' said Blue 'but I didn't carry them with me today. I must have left them in my other jacket.'

'Very well,' said the officer, taking out handcuffs. 'then you'll need to come with us.'

They were so dead. Surprisingly Blue let them handcuff him. Then he broke the handcuffs.

The cops went for their guns. 'Stop! You're under arrest!'

Blue made two easy movements and their guns flew from their hands, spinning into the air, then down to land in his hands. He crushed the guns together into a ball of twisted metal. 'So what do you guys do for fun around here? Personally I love to bowl.'

Then he shattered the car Bulma was in, picked her up, and walked past the prone and stunned cops without a second glance. Coming to a halt by the police car he looked up. 'Once again I'm in need of an automobile. Do you mind if I take yours?'

'Gladly sir.'said a cop.

'The keys are in the ignition.' said another.

And that was how Bulma found herself tossed into the back of a cop car, waiting as Blue drove at breakneck speeds down the street. He seemed in a very good mood.

'Mmmph.' she sighed.

So much for law and order.

* * *

Meanwhile Chi Chi, Kakarot and Arale continued to fly onwards. Chi Chi kept an eye out on the fields below, scanning the area. Yet they didn't see anything and Kakarot was getting tired of polling his way across the land.

'This is really weird,' said Chi Chi 'it's like he disappeared into thin air.'

'Look,' said Arale 'there is Taro!'

Taro and two other cops were standing by the wreck of a green car. As they landed before them, Kakarot noted they seemed to be in shock. Arale approached Taro. 'Taro, what happened?'

'It was terrible!' said Taro 'We tried to apprehend him but he's… unstoppable.'

'Seriously?' asked Kakarot 'I finally find a town I could see massacred without a hint of regret and the Red Ribbon chooses now to stop being a bunch of murderous psychotics.'

'Be nice, Kakarot.' said Chi Chi. 'Which way did he go, Taro?'

'Straight,' said Taro 'just follow the sirens.'

'Thanks for your help, Taro.' said Chi Chi.

Then she surged off on her cloud and Kakarot followed. Kakarot enjoyed the sensation of ditching Arale. Unfortunately she was fast after them.

'Hey Kakarot, Chi Chi wait for me!' cried Arale.

Kakarot focused on the road ahead as he poled onwards. 'Okay, let's hunt the Red Ribbon.'

* * *

From where he had hidden his car behind a bush, Blue watched in satisfaction as Bulma found her hopes fading. Kakarot and Chi Chi had passed them.

'Hehehehe,' said Blue 'missed me again.'

Then he began driving his car forward. Then something rammed them and the car lurched forward into the air in an arc, descended and smashed into the ground. Bulma was thrown from the wreck and hit the ground. If she hadn't been training all this time she probably would have been seriously injured.

Blue was unharmed but Bulma began to wriggle toward one of the sharp wires and rub her ropes against them. Blue seemed in a daze. 'But… I don't want to go to school… mummy…'

And then a purple haired child raced forward and looked down on him.

'Hello.' she said.

'I don't suppose… you have a spare tire.' said Blue.

'Are you hungry?' asked the child.

Then some green haired fairy things started eating the metal Bulma was working her bonds against. Before long the entire car was being devoured.

'Sorry about that.' said the child 'I'll find you some more food.'

'I'm not hungry, thank you.' said Blue. 'I don't think I'll ever eat again.'

Then the child tapped him on the shoulder and offered him a lollypop. With a face. Not the picture of a face, an honest to get, teeth, eyes and tongue face. 'Yum.' said the child.

'What's the matter with you?!' asked Blue 'Get that ugly thing out of my face! I don't know where it's been!'

'Zero fat and tasty.' said the child.

'Do you have any idea what you're holding?!' asked Blue 'It has a face! Get away from me, all of you! You're all insane!' And grabbing Bulma he raced off.

Bulma was beginning to think she had inhaled fumes. Kami knew it would make more sense than this.

* * *

They raced all over town, asking the people they met if they had seen any sign of Blue. Yet no matter who they asked the answer was always the same. They hadn't seen him.

Finally they backtracked and met up with Arale.

'Any luck finding that bad man?' asked Arale.

'No,' said Chi Chi 'I hope Bulma is all right.'

'Bulma! Of course!' said Kakarot 'We can ust use the dragonball radar! If he still has ours then wherever it is that is where he is too!'

'Good thinking Kakarot.' said Chi Chi.

Finally a quick solution! Kakarot could find Blue, kill him, rescue Bulma and move away from this nightmare. He only needed to… needed to… it wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?

'Son of a bitch!' snapped Kakarot 'It's broken again! Now we'll have to go all the way across this miserable town! No, wait, I'll murder everyone in this town and then I'll go to the Red Ribbon Army HQ and murder everyone there!

Then we can just wait for Blue to come to us!'

'Or we could ask Arale if she knows anyone who can fix a dragon radar.' said Chi Chi.

'Or we could murder everyone in this region and use their lifeforce to summon some kind of eldritch monster to murder Blue for us!' said Kakarot 'Where is here anyway?! What kind of faustian pact was made to create this hellhole?!'

'I don't know,' said Arale 'but it's pretty.'

'No, I mean where are we on the map?' asked Kakarot 'Besides the lowest levels of hell, obviously.'

'Don't you mean HFIL?' asked Chi Chi.

'I know what I said!' snapped Kakarot. 'Now, tell me how I may locate the Red Ribbon Army's HQ that I might slay them and take their power for my own!'

'No, I sure don't.' said Arale sadly.

'Wonderful!' roared Kakarot 'So we're trapped in this living nightmare and unable to repair our only means of locating Bulma! How could this get any worse?'

'…Someone could start singing.' suggested Chi Chi.

'I'll grant you that.' conceded Kakarot.

'So Arale,' said Chi Chi 'I need you to bring us to someone good with machines.'

'Oh I'll take you to the doctor.' said Arale.

'Where does this doctor live?' asked Kakarot.

'I'll take you there.' said Arale.

'Uh huh, uh huh!' cried the Gretchens.

The doctor, as it turned out, was a tan skinned man with a mustache, wearing a blue baseball cap. He looked up from where he was fixing a plane and spoke: 'What? What in the world is that? I've never seen that boy before. Maybe it's a long lost relative, your side.'

'I have a cousin with a tail, but that doesn't look like her.' noted a blonde woman in a pink tank top.

'There he is.' said Arale 'He's the doctor.'

'Excuse me,' said Chi Chi, approaching the man. 'I was wondering if you could help us.'

'Yeah,' said Arale 'can you fix this?' And she offered the dragon radar.

'Immediate compliance will extend your lifespan.' said Kakarot 'You will die last.'

'Okay,' said the doctor 'your watch?'

'Actually it's a dragon radar.' said Chi Chi.

'Dragon radar,' said the doctor.

'You hunt dragons with this thing?' asked the woman.

'Believe me, I wish that were so.' said Kakarot. 'We're actually looking for seven dragonballs so we can find them and restore… nevermind.'

'That sounds fine.' said the doctor 'But I need to know how it works. What makes it tick?'

A baby appeared overhead. 'I believe it works by detecting unique energy signatures emitted by certain objects.'

'Oh yeah,' said the doctor 'well first I have to get inside the machine to make a diagnostic appraisal.'

And that was how he sat at a table, fidding with the dragon radar. Kakarot watched and wondered if he really knew what he was doing. 'It's construction looks simple enough.' mused the doctor. Then he gasped.

Clearly he had no idea what he was doing. 'What in the world is that?! I've never seen anything like this before, look at all the colors!'

'Are we paying for this service?' asked Kakarot.

'Nope.' said Chi Chi.

'Well I want a refund anyway.' said Kakarot 'Preferably measured in flesh.'

'This is really hi tech!' said the man 'Who could design such a thing?!'

'A girl named Bulma made it.' said Kakarot.

'A girl?!' asked the doctor 'You say a little girl made this complex machine?! That's impossible!'

'Hurry up.' snapped Kakarot.

Little did Kakarot know the dragonball and Bulma were coming to them, on his way to the doctors house. Can our hero stop this one man army without committing genocide in the process?

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Holy crap this took a long time to write. I nearly missed the once a month mark. All I can say is that I really lost enthusiasm and had to work on other projects. Even those suffered. Basically this has been a really slow month for all my fics. Sorry about that.

Enjoy.


	54. Arale Vs Blue

**Chapter Fifty Four: Arale Vs Blue**

Senbei looked down at the machine below, carefully examining each part of it. Kakarot and Chi Chi waited with baited breath as he continued to look at it. Kakarot shifted impatiently.

'Do you think you can fix it, Senbai?' asked Chi Chi.

'Fix it?' asked the woman 'He'll make it as good as new. Senbei is an electronic genius.'

'There's nothing to worry about.' said Senbei 'Senbei Norimaki put the possible in impossible.'

'I find that highly doubtful.' said Kakarot.

'Are you okay, papa?' asked a floating baby.

'What the fu-'

'Yes.' said Senbei 'Yes everything's wonderful son.'

'Could you tell me some more about the dragonballs?' asked Arale.

'There are seven of them. Getting all seven gets you a single wish.' said Kakarot.

There were cheers from both Arale and the Gretchens. Kakarot began to summon a kamehameha wave, before Chi Chi stepped on his foot.

'Hey kids,' said the woman, who Kakarot assumed was Senbei's wife. 'here are some snacks to tide you over.' She set before the Gretchens and Arale a plate of metal parts. 'Chi Chi, Kakarot, I made some freshbaked cookies. Have as many as you want.'

'Thank you!' said Chi Chi.

'As long as they don't have a face.' muttered Kakarot.

It dawned on him that Arale and the Gretchens were devouring metal, and drinking cups of oil. Which was ironically the least surreal thing which had happened all day. 'Out of curiousity what do nuts and bolts taste like?'

'Kind of like bronze.' said Arale.

'…And what does bronze taste like?' asked Kakarot.

'Like everything!' said Arale.

Kakarot took a cookie. He was sorry he asked. He zoned out for a while, during which Chi Chi repeated her account of their plans. The woman listened carefully.

'What and incredible story.' she said 'I had no idea such power even existed. It's so fabulous. Tell me Arale, if you had the dragonballs, what would you wish for?'

'I'd ask for a pony, a sugar plumb tree, a rainbow that never ends, and a car that changes color every day.' said Arale.

'You only get one wish.' said Kakarot.

'How come?' asked Arale.

'Magic.' said Kakarot.

'I'm finished!' called Senbei.

'Finally.' said Kakarot.

* * *

Blue made his way over the fields, Bulma bound and gagged over his shoulder and the bag with the dragonballs in one hand. He smiled as he reached the house of Senbei. 'Ah, home sweet home.'

'Mmph.' said Bulma.

'I guess I missed the welcome wagon.' said Blue, coming to a corner and peering round it. 'Oh well, I'll just have to settle for the plane instead.'

The plane was large and orange with a large propeller on the front.

'Wow,' said a voice 'you did it Senbei! It's fixed!'

'What?' said Blue 'Those damn kids again! And the girl from before! Why can't anything ever be easy!'

Kakarot and Chi Chi were here.

'MMMPH! MMMPH! MMPH!' cried Bulma, struggling-

Then Blue hit her over the back of the head and everything went black.

* * *

'For you,' said Senbei, offering the dragonradar to Chi Chi.

Chi Chi took it happily. 'Nice.' She pressed a button. 'It's working again! Thank you all so much!'

Much cheering and laughter ensued.

'Senbei, you are a genius!' said Senbei.

'That's weird.' said Chi Chi suddenly.

'What's the matter?' asked the woman.

'The radar shows there is a dragonball nearby.' said Chi Chi.

'Then Blue and Bulma are near it as well.' said Kakarot 'Come on!'

And he sprinted ahead, Chi Chi followed. However they found nothing at the front of the house. Kakarot looked at the radar. 'He's gone inside. Chi Chi, go to the back door and wait there! I'll flush him out!'

He rushed in, followed by Arale and went from room to room, looking for Blue. Yet he always seemed to evade them. Eventually he came to a dead end and saw nothing. 'Where did he go?'

'Maybe he went upstairs.' suggested Arale.

'Good thinking,' said Kakarot 'let's go.'

As he turned away, however, Blue surged down from the ceiling and grabbed Arale before setting a knife to her throat. Bulma landed hard behind him. 'That's far enough. Let's back outside, shall we?'

'You'll die slowly for this.' said Kakarot.

'Looks like you've been reunited with an old friend.' laughed Blue.

'Leave her be, you coward!' roared Kakarot.

'Easy,' said Blue, pushing the knife toward Arale's face. 'this knife is very sharp. I'd hate for my hand to slip.'

'Let her go!' said Chi Chi 'That isn't fair!'

'If any of you so much as moves a muscle, the girl gets it! Understand!' said Blue.

Nobody except Kakarot and Chi Chi seemed remotely impressed. Kakarot could only assume that they hated Arale almost as much as he did.

'Listen mister,' said Senbei 'whoever you are I wouldn't do that if I were you. It's a very bad idea.'

'I'm the only one with the bad ideas around here,' said Blue 'and believe me you don't want me to use one.'

'No, that's not what I meant.' said Senbei.

Blue began to catch on to the rather unimpressed stares of the onlookers. 'What is the matter with you people?!'

It was at this time that Arale began to lick the knife as though it were an ice cream cone. Blue flinched and Kakarot and Chi Chi surged at him. As they did so, however, Blue's eyes flashed and they were frozen in place. Every muscle was ridged and stuck.

'Kakarot, Chi Chi, what did he do to you?' asked Senbei.

'What is this…' said Chi Chi.

'Telekinisis…' gasped Kakarot.

'Kakarot is this man a friend of yours?' asked the woman.

'He put a knife to your daughters throat, kidnapped my friend, shot us out of the sky and you are seriously asking that question?!' roared Kakarot.

'You really are a glutton for punishment.' laughed Blue 'When will you learn that there is nothing which you can possess which I cannot take away? Not even your precious little radar.' And he snatched it from Kakarot's hand.

'Excuse me,' said Senbei 'but that really does belong to the boy.'

'You've been very passive thus far.' said Blue 'Do yourself a favor and don't mess it up now.'

He then went back into the house, and came out a moment later with Bulma. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta fly.'

'No problem sir.' said Senbei 'But I haven't really finished the instruments yet.'

'MMPH! MMPH!' cried Bulma.

Blue set her into the back seat and halted. 'Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something? Oh that's right, how silly of me, I almost forgot the most important thin of all…'

He swaggered up to Kakarot with a meaningful smirk on his face. 'I can't go away, without a goodbye FIST!' And he punched Kakarot across the lawn.

'Kakarot!' cried Senbei, as gasps came all around.

Blue, meanwhile, made his way over to a palm tree and sliced it down with one powerful karate chop. It had been cut with an edge so it was effectively a giant wooden stake. Carrying the stake towards Kakarot, Blue laughed hysterically as he drew closer and closer.

'You… know… this… isn't… going… to kill me…' gasped Kakarot.

'Oh I'm just killing time before my flight.' said Blue. 'Now die!'

'Arale quick!' said Senbei 'It's playtime honey! Go show the bad man how you play tag!'

'Yay!' cried Arale.

Then she ran forward towards Blue at a breakneck speed. 'Tag, your it!'

She hit him. She hit him hard and Blue went flying off into the distance. Arale watched him leave with her hand shading her eyes. 'Yeah! That was a good one! Now for the best part!'

And as Blue fell downwards, Arale surged after him and leaped into the air before head butting him even higher. He flew off into the distance with only a twinkle to mark his departure.

'I guess he didn't need the plane after all.' said Senbei.

The floating baby hovered over Kakarot and Chi Chi and restored them. Arising, Kakarot looked to Chi Chi. 'Are you all right, Chi Chi?'

'Yeah, I'm okay.' said Chi Chi 'What about Bulma?'

Getting Bulma untied was easy. Listening to her afterward was hard.

'I've spent the last few days tied up getting hauled around like cargo! Where the hell were you! I needed your help, and you couldn't even get here in time! Honestly who do you people think you are!'

'Who are you talking too?' asked Kakarot.

'Everyone! No one! Anybody!' roared Bulma.

'If it helps you looked real nice tied up in ropes.' said Kakarot.

'It doesn't!' roared Bulma. 'Can I borrow your showers?'

'Of course.' said the woman.

Shortly after Bulma finished showering Arale got back, all smiles. 'I'm here!' She saw Kakarot and Chi Chi and her smiles widened. 'Good, you're well again.'

'Where is he?' asked Kakarot.

'I don't know,' said Arale 'he hasn't come down yet silly.'

'Great,' said Kakarot 'Bulma check the dragon radar, the nearest point should be where he is.'

'I sure hope he took a snack.' said Senbei.

'Wow, you're really strong aren't you?' asked Chi Chi.

Arale laughed. 'Thank you, but I'm nothing compared to the Gretchens.'

The Gretchens cheered busily. Then they shot laserbeams to fry the tree which had been shot down.

'…I'm seen mountainranges leveled by the will of one man.' said Kakarot 'Not too impressed.'

'Oh that was nothing trust me.' said Arale 'They must be tired. You should catch them on a good day.'

'I guess we'll have to train really hard to get as strong as them, right Kakarot!' said Chi Chi.

'I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.' said Kakarot.

'Hey, Mr. Senbei,' said Bulma 'can I buy that plane off you?'

'I don't know,' said Senbei 'I built it myself. I'm not sure I'm willing to part with-' He saw the number on the check Bulma was offering him.

'Pleease…' said Bulma with bright shining eyes. 'It would be a huge help.'

'Why sure!' said Senbei 'Take it away, little lady! And we'll take a vacation!'

'So what does the dragonradar say?' said Kakarot.

'Why are you asking me?' asked Bulma 'You're the one who got it snatched from!'

'Oh damn it!' cursed Kakarot 'Blue must have it!'

'How are we going to get back home?' asked Chi Chi.

'Oh don't be sad.' said the baby 'I can make you a new one, you know.'

'You can?' asked Chi Chi.

'Yeah right.' said Bulma 'That thing took me years to design. And if it took me that long there is no way some kid can-'

Five minutes later the baby produced a dragonradar.

'…That's copyright infringement!' snapped Bulma.

'Did you actually patent it?' asked Chi Chi.

'Well… no.' said Bulma with a sigh.

'It's working.' said Kakarot 'Now we can get out of here and never visit this hellish landscape ever again.'

'Flying Nimbus!' cried Chi Chi.

Down came the Nimbus out of nowhere and Chi Chi leaped onto it, before pulling Kakarot on. Bulma, meanwhile, jumped onto the plane and started it up. Kakarot glanced up to Arale. 'Oh, and you might want to consider joining the martial arts tournament next year. You'd probably do pretty well.'

The plane took off and so did the Flying Nimbus and together they surged off into the sunset. Except it wasn't a sunset so much as midday. And they were heading away from the sun.

On to the next adventure.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

I'll level with you. I both dreaded and found this particular part of the story difficult to write. Since I'm not at all familiar with the source material the story feels jarring and I can't really get invested in all the cameos. Now, however, we're back to the main storyline.

Here's to hoping that improves my speed.


	55. The Land of Korin

**Chapter Fiftyfive: The Land of Korin**

Dawn came cool and clear to the mountains in the land of Korin. The air blew swift and clear as creatures awoke. The birds chirped. The fish swam, and the creatures of the wood made their living.

Or so Yamcha assumed. He'd been up here flying a plane for a while now. 'How close are we Puar?'

'We're almost there Yamcha!' said Puar 'Do you think we'll get there before the Red Ribbon Army?'

'Sure,' said Yamcha 'remember we've got the most precise dragonradar ever made. By my girlfriend the biggest genius in the world.'

* * *

The sun beat down upon General Blue as he rode on camelback in the general direction of the Red Ribbon Army HQ. It was sweltering hot in this desert and he was sweating all over.

'What I wouldn't give for some conditioner.' muttered Blue. 'This heat is absolutely murdering my hair. It's those little brats' fault that I'm stranded out here like this. I promise they're is going to pay for every single split end.'

A pool ball was shot, and knocked a ball in the triangle into their holes. Red switched his cigar to the other side of his mouth as heheard a knock. 'Enter!'

The door opened and Black was silhoeutted in light. 'Excuse me sir, but Brief's other party has been spotted heading west, just as you expected. Brief's herself has gone off the radar since Blue took her dragonball, however it is likely they will be heading to meet up with the rest of their group.' Red took his shot and walked forward.

'Hmm, right into the hands of Captain Yellow.' mused Red. 'That reminds me, has he been able to locate the dragonball yet?'

'No sir.' said Black 'He's had quite a few setbacks.'

'Well that figures.' said Red 'Enough! I've had it with all these silly games!' He took another shot and knocked the remaining balls into the nets.

* * *

It was an active vulcano this time. Captain Yellow could hardly believe the bad luck which he'd had during all this. Every time they came within reach of the ball, some disaster interfered to take it out of their hands. It was as though Kami himself conspired against them.

But that was ridiculous, Kami didn't exist.

As men cut through the dirt with picks and shovels and heavy machinery operated, Yellow, a large orange tiger, wiped sweat from his brow and patched. 'Buffoons, they've been digging here for days now, and no results.'

He got a call on his walkie talkie and brought it up. 'What ya want?'

'Captain Yellow sir, we have located the dragonball.' said a man 'I am looking at it right now.'

Yellow walked up to meet the man and stood beside him. 'Where is it?'

'It's down there sir.' said the man, pointing down.

Down into the active vulcano which he could see lava bubbling at the bottom of. Yellow raised his binoculars and looked closely. 'I don't see anything.'

'Look closer to the edge of the crater sir, it's there.'

Yellow did look. And there it was. 'Well how about that. Stop the presses. You've done something right for once.'

'I don't know how we're going to retrieve it-'

'The helicoptor imbacile!' snapped Yellow 'We'll take the helicoptor into the vulcano!'

'Yes sir!'

Knowing their luck there would be an eruption.

* * *

Deep within the forests of the land of Korin there was a tower. Not as tower like you or I could see or build. It was tall, taller than the tallest mountains. It reached up and up and up, inlaid with many strange symbols.

And at the base of this tower lived Upa and his father, Bora. Upa was small, but dexterous and happy to learn. More than anything he admired his father, who was a huge giant of a man with bulging muscles and many scars.

One day as they stood by a river, Upa looked down into it. 'I'm going to grow up and catch all the fish in the ocean!'

'Son,' said Father 'you should not take more than you need.' He raised his spear. 'If you respect nature, she will always take care of you.'

For a long moment the great hunter stood there, as still as a statue made of bronze. Gazing into the waters, Upa marveled at his father. He was the strongest and greatest man in the world.

Then he threw his spear. It shot forward like a bolt of thunder and struck something in the river. Drawing it back with a rope, Bora caught the spear and held aloft a huge fish.

'Yay, that was so fast!' said Upa 'Oh daddy, you're the best!'

Then a huge fish leaped out from the water and devoured the top of the spear whole. Bora looked in frustration as the fish landed in the water and disappeared. Then the same fish came out of the water, mouth bared as it went straight for Upa. Upa cried out in fear.

Then Bora was there. He kicked the fish into the air, before punching it up against the cliff as it fell. It hit the rock and fell dead to the ground. Upa ran to his father's leg and cried.

'Daddy…' he said.

'Do not cry.' said Bora 'We were never in any danger. We live under the watchful eye of the guardian.' Reaching down he picked up his son and put him on his shoulder. 'We must thank him for protecting us from harm.'

The buzzing of the helicoptor was music to Yellow's ears. Finally after weeks of endless searching they had an eye on the dragonball, and now they could get down to business. The coptor flew over the vulcano and down from it came a man in a super heat resistant enviromental suits. Of course it would be no good against direct contact by lava, but it would allow one to be a few feet away and live.

'I have it, now get me out of here!' cried the man.

'Come on…' said Yellow.

And then the mountain exploded.

There was a scream from the man in the enviromental suit before he was consumed by a tide of lava which exploded over the edge. The men scattered in fear, abandoning machinery to be melted and destroyed as the camp was overrun with lava. A number of men didn't get away in time and were burned alive.

Poor bastards.

The rest fled to their coptors and rose into the air just in time.

Even as they did so the mountain seemed to burst and lava poured forth from the ground. As they flew away, Yellow raised his com and opened a channel. 'Call back headquarters and tell them to find out exactly where the dragonball has gone.'

'Yes captain,' said the soldier 'calling base. Base come in. Come in base.'

'West,' came the response 'the dragonball has moved approximately five miles to the west.'

'Troops,' said Yellow 'head west immediately.'

* * *

Far away, Upa dropped the firewood he had been gathering and looked up to the mountain. The very earth was shaking, and he wondered what had made it angry. Father looked with him to where a great cloud of smoke was rising over the mountain, as liquid fire consumed everything beneath it.

'W-what's happening?' asked Upa.

'Mount Kana has been disturbed.' said Father 'Something is wrong.'

Then great balls of flaming rock descended on them. One landed near Upa, knocking him from his feet as others came behind it. Father leaped forward and shielded Upa with his body. The rocks struck him again and again, and Father grunted in pain as the shower continued.

Finally it ended and Father arose to look up. 'It's over.'

'Daddy, are you okay?' asked Upa.

'Yes,' said Father 'no damage done.'

Upa looked around and noted that their teepee and lands had been left undamaged. Still many of the red hot stones were cooling in the grass around them. It was a good thing they hadn't started a forest fire.

Upa made his way among them and then spotted something. It was an orange ball with a number of red stars on it. Reaching forward he picked it up, then yelped as heat surged through his hand. The ball flew from his grip and landed by Father.

As Upa blew on his hands, Father picked up the ball and examined it. 'Hmm…'

'What is that thing?' asked Upa.

'I do not know.' admitted Father 'I've never seen such an object before.'

Upa marveled at its smooth surface, and how it fgleamed in the sunlight. 'It's so pretty.'

As Yellow flew through the air he scanned the trees below. This wasn't going to be fun. The trees were dense and thick, and what they were looking for could have landed anywhere.

'The jungle…' he muttered 'Won't be easy to find a dragonball in there. Whatever, this is as good a place as any to set up camp. Soldiers, prepare to land!'

Father suddenly looked up and Upa followed his gaze. Great birds were coming toward them, though they had very small and straight wings. Their beaks were shiny and they had no visible eyes. Upa huddled close to Father.

'Daddy, those gigantic birds are going to land on us.' he said.

'Those are not birds, little one.' said Father 'Those are vehicles called helicoptors.'

As the helicoptors landed they kicked up a huge cloud of dust. The blades on the top of their heads sloed gradually. Then out of them came an orange tiger, along with a number of other men clad in strange clothes. They approachedi with a swaggering look about them.

They saw Upa and Father and Upa became afraid.

'Well,' said the tiger 'I can't believe anyone would live out here by choice.'

'Who are you?' asked Father.

'Oh yes,' said the tiger 'I'm Captain Yellow of the Red Ribbon Army. We'll be setting up our headquarters right here.'

'Here?' asked Father.

'Yep,' said Yellow 'and there's plenty of work to go around so we could put a big fella like you to good use.'

'No thanks.' said Father. 'You must leave. This is no place for people like you. Now go.'

Yellow's eyes flashed. 'I wasn't asking.' He raised a black tube. 'For your permission.'

The other men all raised their larger tubes as well. Father tensed as he looked at them. Upa ran for cover and watched from behind the teepee. Father was about to fight the bad men.

There was a deadly silence.

'Captain Yellow,' said a man 'do you see what's in his hand?'

Yellow looked to the orange ball. His eyes widened and his hand shook. 'The dragonball!' He raised a hand. 'Now hand it over you painted peasant!'

'You will receive nothing from me.' said Father.

'Whatever,' said Yellow 'pulverize him.'

There was a noise like thunder and the tubes in their hands began to flash at the end. Many small things Upa could not see began to hit Father in the chest, sending off sparks as Father groaned beneath the impact. On and on it went.

And then all fell silent.

Father was still standing, without a scratch. The bad men stared in awe and horror as the smoke from their weapons faded away with a wind.

'What the…' began one.

'No way…' said another.

'Guns are but useless toys!' cried Father 'Get me my spear, Upa!'

'Sure, dad.' said Upa, rushing into the teepee. He snatched the spear from where it hung and brought it out to hurl through the air. Father caught it, and readied himself for a spring.

'Do you have any idea who you're tangling with?' asked Yellow 'You'd better turn over the ball, before you get hurt!'

'The ball is of no concern to me.' said Father 'But this is sacred land and I am here to protect it. You must pay for the destruction you have caused.'

'Sacred land?' laughed Yellow 'You gotta be kidding me, this dump?'

'It's the truth.' said Father 'The guardian of our people was born here. And this beautiful monument was built to honor him. He still lives here today above us at the top of the tower. Leave here, otherwise prepare to face my wrath.'

A man slipped behind a tree, looking to ambush Father. He drew the pin from a green ball and prepared to throw. But Father turned around and hurled it spear. The weapon pierced his chest and pinned him to the tree. The ball fell from his hand and exploded.

'Men!' cried Yellow 'Destroy him!'

They opened fire with what Father called guns again to much the same mistake. They made a lot of noise and scared some birds, but Father didn't even flinch. He just stood there, like a mountain, taking it with ease.

'Don't you see!' he cried 'Guns can't hurt me!'

Then surging forward he punched a punch and laid him low. Bringing around a leg he kicked another in the chest. With his hands and feet he systematically demolished all the bad men. And nothing they could do could stop him.

With a cry of fear Yellow rushed into his plane and flew away. Father watched him go. 'Good riddance.'

'Whoa,' said Upa as he ran to his father. 'daddy.'

Father hoisted up a number of the unconscious men and looked to him seriously. 'Stay here while I dispose of these troublemakers.'

'Okay.' said Upa.

Upa watched Father carry them off with stars in his eyes. When he grew up he wanted to be just like Father. But he had a long way to go before he was anywhere near his level. It was something to work for.

* * *

In the Red Ribbon Army HQ Black looked up as a man ran up to him and saluted. 'Sir, Captain Yellow sounds frantic! He's calling on the radio right now!'

Black took the phone and put it to his ear. What was it this time? Yellow's operation had been one long procession of slow burn disasters. 'Captain?' he said.

He heard Yellow's words. They were the same words which Black had been hearing an awful lot lately.

'What!' said Black 'The men were overpowered and only you could escape?! What happened to the dragonball?!'

'We uh… we ran into a bit of a snag.' said Yellow.

'Enough of your excuses Yellow!' snapped Black 'Retrieve the dragonball at all costs! It's more valuable to this army than your life!'

'Sir I… understand.' said Yellow 'I'll try harder.'

'Can't you handle anything right?!' came a snarl.

'Commander Red,' said Black turning to give him the phone.

'Listen up Yellow:' said Red

Yellow's response was terrified. Black couldn't hear it but he knew it.

'You have exactly one hour.' said Red 'That is sixty short minutes to bring me the dragonball or else I'll be forced to send in Tao.'

Tao? That was a name more dreaded than any other in the Red Ribbon Army. It was used only for the most grave of threats. 'But sir…' said Black 'Mercenary Tao… isn't that a bit excessive?'

'Can it!' roared Red 'I need the ball and Briefs eradicated so that I can complete my plans.' He turned his attention back to the phone. 'Of course if you fail, Tao will exterminate you along with whoever else gets in his way. Keep that in mind, Yellow.''

Red listened to something, then smiled and hung up the phone. 'Our enemy has a son. Yellow will use the boy as a bargaining chip to get the dragonball. Or he'd better, or else…'

He marched off muttering. Red was in a bad mood. People died when his moods were bad, so everyone did their best to look busy.

* * *

While Father was off throwing the helicoptors off the edge of a cliff, Upa had gotten to work cooking fish. It was something he had a lot of talent for, cooking. Much more than he did for hunting, though he wasn't proud of the fact. Still the aroma produced by roasted fish was delicious as always.

'I bet dad's gonna be really hungry when he gets back.' mused Upa.

Then something grabbed him from behind and he was dragged up into the air. Crying out in fear, Upa saw the world getting smaller and smaller as wind rushed around him like a tempest. He cried and screamed as the hand held him aloft.

Yellow held him aloft.

He saw Father below. 'Daddy, help me!'

'Oh no, Upa!' cried Father.

'Hang on kid,' said Yellow 'now, where's your pop?'

'What do you want with my son?!' roared Father.

'Aw, there's your devoted daddy!' sneered Yellow.

'Daddy!' cried Upa.

'Now listen up,' said Yellow 'if you ever want to see your son back, give me the ball! Just toss it right to me! Understand!'

Father raised the ball. 'Here is your ball, come down here and get it!'

'No way!' said Yellow 'That's a trick! You'll kill me if I go down there! Throw it to me!'

'No!' roared Father 'I am true to my word! I am not as despicable as you!'

'Help me!' cried Upa.

And then another plane surged out of nowhere. The cockpit opened and out of it surged a black haired man dressed in green and orange. He lashed out with one fist and Yellow reeled backwards. Down fell Upa, but just as he seemed about to hit the ground, beneath him formed a black canvass table. As Upa hit the canvass, it bent beneath him to slow his fall and Upa was bounced off to land lightly on the ground.

The trampoline then transformed into a blue cat who went near them. 'Are you all right?'

'Yes…' said Upa 'Who are you?'

'I'm Puar.' said the cat. 'And my friend is Yamcha.'

Then the man landed near them without fear or injury. 'Hey Puar that was a pretty sweet move turning into a trampoline that quickly. Nice thinking. Bout time we saw some action.'

'Thank you for saving my son.' said Father, coming up.

'No problem,' said Yamcha 'it's kind of our thing actually. These Red Ribbon creeps have been causing all kinds of trouble lately.' Then he caught sight of the orange ball. 'The dragonball… that's probably why they came after you.'

'So you are looking for the ball too.' guessed Father.

'Mostly to keep it out of their hands.' said Yamcha 'Though we've got a couple of plans.'

'What is this dragonball and why do so many search for it?' asked Father.

'It's… a bit of a long story.' admitted Yamcha.

Upa was looking forward to hearing it.

* * *

In his office General Red looked up as a shadow passed overhead. The room became chilled as a figure walked in. The pink and red outfit he wore did nothing to take away from his menace, for snickering at it was a sure way to die painfully. Red did his best not to gulp as the figure approached his desk.

'I'm Mercenary Tao.' he said 'At your service.'

There had been no notification of Tao entering the compound. He simply did, and no one had noted his coming before he entered the room. Red was very glad that Mercenary Tao was not at someone else's service right now.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So I have something of an apology to make. The last few chapters have been a step down in quality, and I feel I should explain why. I have never watched Dr. Slump. As a result of this I have less than no interest in the characters who are all cameoing. I don't even know most of their names.

I write from emotion. As in, I imagine an emotional state for the character and then put it to page. Since I do not know the cast of Dr. Slump I cannot manufacture emotions without fearing that I am in some way breaking canon.

As a result of this I felt obligated to cut out anything which was not directly related to the narrative with Kakarot and Chi Chi. However now we are out of the dark places and dealing with a plotline I have been looking forward to for quite some time now.

This is why I updated sooner. I had more interest.


	56. The Notorious Mercenary

**Chapter 56: The Notorious Mercenary**

In the top floor of the Red Ribbon Army HQ the elevator doors opened and the silhoeutte of a man stepped forth. It was General Blue, clad only in his pants and wearing a pink bag over one shoulder. Two men saluted as he came by.

'Um… general, welcome back.' said a man.

Blue stopped and glared at him. 'Don't give me your false sentiments.' snapped Blue 'You were all glad to be rid of me. So save it.'

'Excuse me sir, forgive me!' said the man, cowering.

Blue moved on without a word. The man sighed in relief. If the General had chosen he could have killed him, but he seemed to have been placated.

* * *

Within the meeting room Red turned around in his seat, a cigar in his mouth. He looked over the pink clad assassin before him. On the back of his shirt were the words "Kill You" so he was nothing if not forward.

'Thanks for meeting me, Mercenary Tao.' said Red. 'We have a situation-'

'One thing before we get started.' said Tao. 'I must tell you my fee is very expensive.'

'Uh huh,' said Red doubtfully. 'I can assure you, if you complete our mission we will pay you handsomely.'

'Then my going rate is ten billion ahead.' said Tao.

There was a stunned silence.

'Ten… billion a piece.' said Black.

'Did I stutter?' asked Tao wryly. 'Though I am having a limited time only sale. For a quality slaying you get a bargain price, all my services are fifty percent off. You heard right, a mere five billion zeni a head.'

'That's… reasonable.' said Red, though it pained him to say it.

'How can we be sure though,' said Black 'that you are who you say you are.'

Tao gave him an amused look that was also more than a little predatory. 'Would you like to try me out?'

'No that won't be necessary!' said Black quickly.

There was a knock on the door. Black looked up. 'Who is it?'

'General Blue,' said a voice on the other end.

'Hmm…' said Red. 'he's back.'

Tao stepped aside as Blue entered the room with a meaningful gait. He saluted carefully with a stoic expression on his face. 'I have returned to duty sir.'

'Did you, or did you not get the dragonball?' asked Red.

'Yes sir.' said Blue 'I would have come earlier however getting back was quite a hassle. I had to steal a car, then a plane. However it was well worth it.' He set down the bag. 'Two dragonballs, alongside a dragon radar far more precise than anything we have. It easily hones in on the dragonballs location. And it's extremely accurate too.'

'Hmm,' said Black 'it's smaller than I expected.'

'All good finds, I'll give you that.' said Red 'You were supposed to bring Briefs here too, but I guess two out of three's a passing grade.' He looked to Tao. 'Now there is another thing. I want you to fight Mercenary Tao here and defeat him.'

Blue looked to him. 'Mercenary Tao…'

'Mmmhmm.' said Tao.

Black looked between them with sweat on his brow. This wasn't good, the way things turned out they might very well lose one of their best soldiers to a whim of the General. 'Might I suggest we make this only a nonlethal sparring contest, sir. After all if Tao is who he says he is we do not want to lose one of our best man.'

'Of course.' said Red 'So what do you think? You in?'

'Yes,' said Blue 'thank you for the opportunity, commander.'

If Tao was who he said he was Blue didn't stand a chance. If he wasn't, then Red didn't have to worry about paying him his jacked up rates. Either way the Red Ribbon Army won.

Thus it was that the two fighters were brought into a sparring chamber to face each other down. Red sat a ways away, with Black standing over him, watching the two. Blue looked very confident, perhaps too confident, while Tao simply looked bored. He held a sort of lazy killing intent which made Black suspect he was who he said he was. Who else could be so confident?

There was also Silver and Hasky watching to one side. They had been in the sparring room and were now watching. Silver looked doubtful. 'Why are we even bothering with this? Blue has been enhanced to the peak of physical perfection. Tao is just a man.'

Hasky looked much more worried. 'No, Blue doesn't have a chance.'

'What makes you so sure?' asked Silver.

'My other self enhanced her physical strength to your level by sheer hard work.' said Hasky 'Tao did the same thing. But he has a lot more experience than I do. Years of it.'

'So you're the world famous assassin,' said Blue 'the one they call Mercenary Tao.'

'Do you want my autograph?' asked Tao.

Blue laughed. 'Well aren't you amusing. I suppose I'll have to put an end to your arrogance.'

'I don't work for free,' said Tao to Red 'this will cost you, even if no one dies. Understand?'

'That's fine.' said Red 'Let's get on with the show!'

'You should have a weapon handy you know,' said Blue 'just in case.'

'He is so dead.' said Hasky.

Tao flipped his ponytail to roll over his other shoulder. 'Hmph. I won't even need my hands and feet.' He stuck out his long. 'I'll just use my tongue to beat you.'

Blue raised his fists and took a stance. 'I wouldn't count on it.'

Silence came between them from a moment as both tensed. Or rather Blue tensed and Tao remained perfectly still, as calm as a mountain in a storm. The audience viewed both carefully. Then Black raised a hand. 'Begin!'

Blue surged forward with a flying kick which was swung at Tao. Tao scarcely seemed to move, yet the strike was a complete miss! A flurry of punches were unleashed, each one more nonchalantly dodged than the last. Kicks were thrown in to no avail as the onslaught continued to no effect. Tao's expression didn't even change.

Then Tao moved and was standing next to Blue. He halted and Blue leaped back in shock. Blue recovered quickly however and smirked. 'Not bad. Now, try this.'

His eyes gleamed and blue energy surged around him. Electricity surrounded Tao and Silver shurgged.

'Well,' said Silver 'that's it. Nothing can resist that power.'

Blue made his way forward confidently smirking. 'Well? How do you like being paralyzed?'

He drew back his hand to strike. Then Tao cracked his neck without expression. Blue's stance fell apart and he backed away fearfully. Tao sighed. 'Excuse me, what was that?'

'Im…impossible…' said Blue.

Even Red was gaping. 'General Blue's finishing move is completely useless! It's astounding!'

Tao smiled as Blue seethed. Then Blue rushed at him in a fury. Tao dodged aside, then leaped back to lick him across the side of his temple. Blue flew head over heels and crashed into the wall, leaving a man sized hole where he had once been.

'I'd say you've been licked.' said Tao.

'He… beat him… with… one strike…' said Red.

'Told you so.' said Hasky.

'I can't believe it.' said Black 'He definitely lives up to his reputation.'

Tao turned to them. 'Now, since playtime is over, why don't you tell me about the real target so I can finally get to work.'

'Come out onto the balcony,' said Black 'and we'll discuss it.'

They made their way out onto the balcony, and Black produced a picture of the target. He offered it to Tao, whose eyes narrowed as he looked at it. 'So… here he is. Yamcha the Desert Bandit.'

'Yes,' said Black 'he is a highly skilled martial artist. He's been a lot of trouble for us and we think he's about to meet up with some of his associates.'

'I'll give you another twenty percent off.' said Tao.

'What?' said Black 'That is enormously generous of you sir.'

'I will annihilate any man, woman, or child so long as the price is right.' said Tao 'However this one defeated one of my students. I have a vendetta to fulfill.'

'Your a good man.' said Black.

'By the way, after you eliminate Yamcha search him.' said Red 'He will have in his possession two special balls. They're called dragonballs and they're very valuable. You are to bring those back to me.'

Black drew out one of the balls. 'They look just like this.'

Tao eyed it carefully. 'That's going to cost you extra.'

'No problem,' said Red 'in fact if anyone gets in your way just do away with them too. We'll pay.'

'Very well,' said Tao 'but any extra killings are twice the price.'

'This place, Korin,' said Tao 'it's about fourteen hundred miles to the northeast, is it not?'

'I'll have the jet prepared for you.' said Black 'Right this way.'

'That's not necessary.' said Tao, turning to look at one of the pillars holding up the balcony roof. 'It'll take too long by airplane.' He approached the pillar, examined it, and patted it. 'Would it be possible to borrow this column from you?'

'Uh… what do you want with that pillar?' asked Red.

Leaping up Tao tapped the pillar with a finger near the top. Landing he tapped the pillar near the bottom with a toe. Then he hauled out the pillar, which had been cut cleanly out from the middle. Turning it roung to hold it like a javelin, Tao aimed.

'Let's see…' said Tao 'fourteen hundred miles. I should be back in about thirty minutes.'

'Huh?' asked Red.

Then Tao hurled the pillar and leaped on after it. With a laugh he landed atop the pillar and rode it off into the distance as though it were a surf board.

'…Amazing,' said Black 'that Tao is simply amazing.'

'Hahahaha!' laughed Red 'After all this waiting, all the dragonballs will soon be mine!'

Things were looking up for the Red Ribbon Army.

* * *

This woodland was a nice place. The trees were green, the turf was rich and good. Yamcha had grown up in the desert, and he liked the trees here. There was a certain wild majesty to it all.

Yamcha also liked Bora. The man seemed to have an inherant stern strength to him which reminded the former bandit of Nam. He discussed the purpose of their visit and as he did Bora listened intently and Upa did as well.

'So,' said Bora 'the ball holds special power. Now I understand why the army was so determined to acquire it.'

'We're trying to get the balls so we can keep it out of their hands.' said Yamcha 'The wishes are kind of just a bonus, y'know.'

'Good,' said Bora 'you have few wants. That's fortunate.'

'Daddy,' said Upa 'what do you mean by that?'

'You see son,' said Bora 'too many desires can drive a person mad.'

'Yeah I've met a few people like that.' said Yamcha. 'Actually I used to be one.'

'Hey if you don't mind me asking,' said Puar 'what is that gigantic pole sticking out of the ground? We saw it from miles away.'

'The tower…' said Bora 'It is a sacred symbol of my people. To our tribe it is a very important and honored landmark.'

'How did they build it?' asked Yamcha.

'No one truly knows.' said Bora 'Perhaps it was Kami. We call it the Korin Tower. I learned of the legend from my grandfather when I was Upa's age. It is a story that has been told from many generations. Yet still we wait, after all this time, for the arrival of someone who can pass the test.'

'What kind of test?' asked Yamcha.

'It is said that if any person can climb to the top of this tower unaided he will find the great, noble guardian waiting for him there. The guardian will then give him a cup of cold water to drink. And with that single sip the climbers abilities will increase dramatically.'

'Sounds like something worth trying.' said Yamcha.

'I'll bet you could do it, Yamcha!' said Puar.

'As incredible as it sounds,' said Bora 'my people have always believed it to be true.'

Yamcha looked up at the tower. And up, and up, and suddenly he felt a little intimidated. 'Have you ever tried it?'

'Once when I was young.' said Bora. 'But I couldn't make it all the way to the top. Anyway, no one has ever been successful in the attempt.'

'But I heard that a long time ago one person did make it.' said Upa.

'A compelling story,' said Bora 'but I think it only a myth.'

'Well,' said Yamcha 'it looks like I'll have my work cut out for me if I try it…' He paused. 'Hey, where is the rest of your tribe anyway? I haven't seen anyone.'

'I live here with my son alone because of the tower.' said Bora. 'My family has been guarding it for generations. It is our ancestral duty. It is my job, I am the protector of the land.'

'Right, okay.' said Yamcha 'So has anyone ever just tried to take a plane up there?'

'The tower is too high.' said Bora 'Planes run out of fuel before they reach the top. Would you like to join us for a meal, as a sign of our gratitude?'

'Sure,' said Yamcha 'I'd love to hear more about this place. I grew up in a desert.'

They soon got to work preparing a soup made of fish and various herbs and vegetables gathered and grown by Upa and Bora. Yamcha and Puar eat heartily, and found it truly delicious. As they eat they spoke of where they had come, and traded stories. Bora, as it turned out, had defended the tower from all kinds of miscreants over the years, as well as people trying to defile the natural world that was here.

Yamcha kept quiet about his bandit past for the most part, instead telling the story of how he and Puar met Kakarot. Bora listened and seemed interested in a great many things. He often asked questions about the landscapes, finding them more interesting than the battles.

'Excuse me,' said Puar 'may I have some more soup?'

'Have as much as you want.' laughed Bora.

'Thank you.' said Puar.

After lunch, Bora began to carve what looked to be a figurine with a knife. Meanwhile Upa, despite his young age, began to create a flint spear. When he had finished he rushed up to Bora and showed it to him. Bora laughed and took the weapon in his hands. Examining it, he smiled then passed it back and ruffled Upa's hair. The boy smiled.

Yamcha realized he'd never really had a father figure in his life. Seeing these two brought back memories, and he felt somewhat depressed. He turned his attention to the tower once again. 'So are you sure this water really makes people stronger?'

'That is the story.' said Bora 'The guardian I know exists, but it may be that our stories have forgotten some important part of it. He may not be at all what we believe. That is the way of stories, to shift and change with the shifting of time.'

'Well,' said Yamcha 'I guess I'd better try it while I still have the nerve.' He stood up.

'Do not get your hopes up, my young friend.' said Bora. 'It may only be a legend.'

'I figure I'll give it a shot anyway.' said Yamcha.

'But you're already strong.' said Upa.

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'but there is somebody I need to surpass. I've got a rivalry with a friend of mine. That's worth it.'

'Perhaps,' said Bora 'but it will not be an easy task.'

'How many people have tried?' asked Yamcha.

'Many have attempted it.' said Bora. 'But they have all failed. The tower is much taller than you imagine. It takes many days to scale it. Those who try often eat their provisions too soon, and fall off from weakness and hunger. Those who attempt by plane fare no better.'

'Because they run out of fuel, right.' said Yamcha.

'They never see the top.' said Bora. 'So you see those who defy the rules or attempt to climb unprepared do not generally get a second chance.'

Suddenly there was a shattering noise and Yamcha looked up to see Puar shaking, her soup bowl broken at her feet. Her eyes were wide with terror and he ran to her. 'What's wrong Puar? What is it?'

'What's that daddy?' asked Upa. 'There is the sky.'

Bora leaped away as a pillar of rock plunged into the ground where he had once been and drove itself into the ground. And on that pillar was the man who Yamcha had dreaded to face all this time, until he'd almost forgotten he was running from him.

'M-M-MERCENARY TAO!' shrieked Puar in terror.

'Pleased to kill you.' said Tao with a smile.

'What are you doing?!' asked Bora 'You nearly hit us!'

'Well that's the idea.' said Tao. 'I'm a hitman.'

'A hitman?' said Bora 'Whoever you are your kind is not welcome in Korin.'

'The name is Tao.' said Tao 'And I won't be staying long. I've simply come to kill Yamcha over there.'

'What?' said Bora.

Suddenly Yamcha realized that Bora was afraid. And he should be. Tao oozed a lazy killing intent. They were so screwed.

'Leave these people out of this!' said Yamcha 'This is between you and me!' And he took a stance.

'The Red Ribbon Army has sent me here to tie up some loose ends.' said Tao 'Seeing as how I was planning to kill you one of these days, I thought I might kill two birds with one pillar.'

'Last I looked you completely missed.' said Yamcha, smirking and controlling his fear. 'What's wrong old man? Eyesight going?'

'Your impertinence is only tolerable by the fact that you will be quite dead in the next few minutes.' said Tao with a smile. 'Now the only question is who is going to get in my way.'

'Daddy help him!' cried Upa 'Please, don't let them hurt Yamcha!'

'Now wait a minute,' said Bora, spurred to action. 'that boy you are threatening saved my sons life! If you have come here looking for a fight you will have to deal with me first!' And he raised his spear.

'No!' said Yamcha 'Listen to me, you have got to get away from here now! Tao is a legendary murderer! You can't beat him!'

'It is my obligation to protect this land from enemies.' said Bora. 'Now son, stay back!'

Upa rushed back with a smile. The kid had no idea what his father was getting into! It seemed to amuse Tao, who smiled broadly.

'What a fool!' he said 'You choose to take the fall!'

'Enough talk!' said Bora, raising his spear and taking a stance.

'Daddy be careful!' said Upa.

Tao looked at him distainfullly. 'I'll bet you fancy yourself a trained fighter. Let's see if you can handle this.'

And then he was standing next to Bora, holding his spear in one hand. He made no move to pull it away, merely kept it in place as Bora tried to pull it from his grip. Tao looked at him. 'What's the matter? Is it stuck? That's too bad.'

Bora groaned as he hauled on the spear to no avail. Tao's expression did not change. 'Let's try something else.' He removed all his fingers save his thumb and pointer. 'Shall we?'

Still the native could not budge it.

'Still stuck?' asked Tao 'That's okay, I'll move it for you!'

He swung the spear up and Bora was launched with a cry into the air. Tao looked up with a smile and raised the spear point upward. 'Here, have your spear!'

And he hurled it.

The spear shot through the air and impaled Bora through the chest. Down he came and landed, cold dead on the ground, the spear sticking out of his chest. Yamcha shuddered. He had died so quickly, so easily. And he had done nothing to stop it. Upa was without a father now.

Upa ran crying and screaming to his father's side. He shook him, but there was no response. 'Daddy! Please don't go daddy!'

'Your next, Yamcha.' said Tao, turning to him.

There was only one word to describe what had just been done. Evil. Bora couldn't have stopped Tao no matter what he'd done. He hadn't been even able to get off an attack. It was simple sadism. A fury welled up in Yamcha's heart, fury at his own helplessness, fury at this monster. And there was only one way too express it.

'You'll pay for that!' roared Yamcha.

He rushed forward towards Tao in a moment which seemed to freeze in time. His enemy loomed before him, smirking and invincible. Beyond lay the body of a good man, cut down for no other reason than sadism. In that moment all the fury of the beast within was unleashed as the howling of winds echoed throughout the valleys.

 **'** **WOLF FANG FIST!'**

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay so the next chapter is up. I'm really enjoying writing about this arc, I've been looking forward to writing it for a long time actually. This is one of the strongest dragonball arcs in my mind, despite being short. Tao is a very good villain.


	57. Tao Attacks!

**Chapter 57: Tao Attacks!**

Even as Yamcha closed with him, Tao darted above his first strike and kicked him in the face, sending him flying backward. He hit the tower and fell to the ground with a bloody mouth. His whole body was ringing with the sensation of pain he had underwent then.

'That's all?' asked Tao 'Piece of cake.'

'Yamcha! Yamcha are you all right?!' cried Puar as she rushed to him.

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'he… he dodged it. He's fast. But I'm not done yet.'

'I see,' said Tao 'you're a glutton for punishment. Amateur.'

Yamcha surged forward again and Tao made the same movement, yet this time Yamcha leaned back to avoid the kick. He rolled away and landed on one knee, while Tao landed on his feet. Rushing at him he swung a punch, only for Tao to move his head to one side. Around came his ponytail and slammed him across the face down into the ground.

Yamcha leaped back to get some distance. 'I can't connect with him. If I could just get him in one good hit…'

He charged again and unleashed a flurry of low targetted kicks which Tao moved away from with ease. Swinging his fists at him, nothing he could do could even touch the mercenary. The man was like a mirage, always there, but always just beyond his reach. This direction, or another. Then Tao raised a leg and Yamcha leaped back fearfully. Then Tao was right there in front of him. He tried to back away, but Tao's foot caught his and trapped it there. No matter how he pulled he could not get free of his enemy's vice like grip. Then he realized Tao was immobile. This was his chance.

 **'WOLF FANG FIST ATTACK!'**

He sent forth his full fury, and then it stopped as both his hands were caught in place by Tao's hands. All his momentum and power was deflected with ease. The fury of the wolf had been tamed.

'He… he stopped Yamcha's wolf fang fist like it was nothing!' said Puar 'Impossible!'

Then Tao's other foot went forward to trap Yamcha's other foot. He had an awkward position, and Yamcha tried to force him down off his feet. Yet Tao defied all rules. He remained still like a statue, and Yamcha could not escape.

Then Tao struck him in the face with a head butt. The force it it was like a hurricane and Yamcha reeled backward, vision going blurry. As he was released he hit the ground hard. He could hardly think.

Grabbing him by the leg, Tao hurled him bodily against the stone pillar. The impact was horrible and he landed hard on the ground. His breath was knocked out.

'Well,' said Tao 'the fool at least takes a better beating than most.'

That was it. No more holding back.

'Go to hell.' said Yamcha as he arose.

'So,' said Tao 'you're back on your feet. I would advise against that.'

Yamcha made his way forward. The every moment hurt him, but he did. 'Kaaa….' He cupped his hands. 'Meee…' He felt his power flow into a sphere of strength. 'Haaa…' Just like Launch had taught him. 'Meee…' He could do this. 'HAAAA!'

The beam of pure light was unleashed and Tao gasped, before raising his arms to protect himself. The wave burned over him, consuming him utterly in its radiance.

Then the light faded.

Tao was standing there, much of his clothes burned off with many small burns all over him. But he was still standing. He looked up with narrowed eyes. 'You ruined my outfit.'

'No…' said Yamcha.

'Dodon Ray!' roared Tao.

The beam was nothing like Tien Shinhan had fired. Yamcha did not even see it move before it shot him straight in the chest and sent him flying away to land face up on the ground. There he lay very stilll, not moving a muscle. He was still alive, but if Tao thought otherwise he might escape alive.

'You… you monster!' cried Puar.

Get out of the way Puar. Don't fight him.

'Out of the way, cat! I have no time for you!' There was a pause as he picked something up. 'So this is what the army wants so badly? Whatever, I guess my work is done here. But… before I go back I must have new clothes. Thanks to him. That robe was custom made too.'

He walked away toward where Yamcha guessed the pillar was. 'Now…'

'Hey! How could you do that to my daddy?!' cried Upa.

Oh no, the kid was going to get himself killed. There was a cry of pain and someone hit the ground. Then there was the sound of crying. Tao laughed. 'You should thank me for letting you live, little boy.'

Then the pillar was thrown into the air and Yamcha saw Tao leap onto it with the bag. He was gone. Now how was Yamcha alive? Before the former bandit could consider this he lapsed into unconsciousness.

* * *

In the Red Ribbon Army HQ, Red laughed triumphantly with his pipe between his lips. 'It seems that Tao now has everything under control.'

'Wait sir,' said Black 'there is something strange on the radar. It would seem that only one of the dragonballs are actually moving. Apparently this one is still in the land of Korin. Here's the ball that we currently have in our possession, but the three that are in motion are heading in the wrong direction.'

Red growled. 'Where is that man going? What's he up to?'

* * *

It was a dusty village, veiled in a golden sunset. The trees were tall and thin and the mountains could be seen looming close over it. People bustled this way and that, some using camels for transport. Others carried baskets on their heads. The women wore shawls and had their bodies hidden in robes.

Two drunks made their way along, only to halt dead still as they saw someone pass them bye. Others halted as well, suddenly terrified. Tao made his way down the street carefully. As he did the drunks came up to him.

'What happened to you?' asked one.

'Yeah, what's the matter big guy? Did you get blasted?' asked the other.

'I'm telling you man, you look like something the camel drug in.' said the first.

Tao did not answer.

'Hey, can't you talk?' asked the second 'Did you get hit on the… on the noggin… or maybe you're just senile…'

Tao looked at him hard. They fell still for a moment. 'Fine…' said the second drunk 'I guess you want me to rearrange your face!'

'Be quiet!' said the first drunk, dropping his bottle. 'He didn't mean that!'

'And why not?' asked the drunk.

'Because… take a good look at his face…'

'What about it?' asked the second.

'It's Mercenary Tao!' he said.

And just like that everyone on the street started cowering. Tao looked down on the insects, who weren't worth killing. 'I need a garment made. Somebody tell me where to find a tailor.'

'His shop is over there…' said the drunk.

Tao made his way in, found the tailor and immediately began sketching out the design for his outfit. Giving it to him he paused. 'I want it to look like this. Every detail, everything.'

'Uh, alright.' said the man 'Come back in ten days.'

'No.' said Tao 'You have three.'

'Three days?!' said the tailor 'That's impossible, sir.'

'Oh you'll find a way.' said Tao 'Now I need something to wear. This'll do.'

'Yes, make yourself at home.' said the man.

Tao dressed himself in his chosen garment, then looked to the tailor. 'Now get started. I have a schedule to keep.'

'Yes I've heard about your work.' said the tailor 'Now that I think about it, three days is plenty. Please, call me if you need anything. Anything at all!'

'Where is your telephone?' asked Tao.

'Right over here.' said the tailor.

Tao sat down by it and quickly dialed in a number before putting it to his ear. He waited for a few moments as the call went through. Then someone picked up. 'Red Ribbon Army HQ.'

'This is Mercenary Tao.' said Tao 'Put me through to Red if you know what's good for you.'

There was silence.

'Tao, where have you been?' asked Red suddenly. 'How did it go? Did you take care of the bandit?'

'Of course.' said Tao 'Everything you asked for. I've had to stop on a bit of an errand, but I'll be there in a few days to deliver your prize and collect my fee.'

'He's really gone huh?' asked Red.

'That's right.' said Tao 'And I accept cash only.'

'Yeah I got it,' said Red 'now are you absolutely sure you've collected both of the dragonballs?'

Something wasn't right. Tao opened the bag and looked inside it. 'What? There is only one. Check the fools body. He probably had one of the dragonballs hidden on his clothing.'

'Right,' said Red 'well we can take it from here. He's no longer a threat so I'll just send a man to retrieve the ball. I mean how difficult could that possibly be now?'

'Great,' said Tao 'see you in a few days.'

'We'll see you then Tao.' said Red, before hanging up.

* * *

Silver and Hasky made their way down the halls of the Red Ribbon Army, wondering what it was all about. The two of them hadn't had orders for a while, not since they brought back Roshi. Now they had been called up by Gero without warning.

'So this mission Gero wants us for,' said Hasky 'what's this all about?'

'I have no idea.' said Silver 'Likely he is sending us after one of the remaining dragonballs. Last I heard Tao had the situation with the bandit well in hand.'

Hasky said nothing to that, and Silvera looked at her carefully. 'You aren't still attached to those fools are you?'

'No,' said Hasky 'I care about getting paid what I'm owed, that's all. Here we are.'

They knocked on the door and it opened. Dr. Gero's office had a great many machines, some half finished, some complete and some just strange. They lined the walls just in front of many books on scientific subjects. The two of them lined up and saluted.

'Silver and Hasky reporting for duty, sir.' said Silver.

'Yes, I noticed.' said Gero 'This dragon radar blue seized is brilliant. It's very small, but very powerful. Moreover it can be assembled from everyday parts. Brief's must be taken alive at once, her mechanical skills could be of invaluable use to us.'

'As you command sir.'

'And how are you going to find her, old man?' asked Hasky. 'Blue got her dragonballs.'

'That much is true,' admitted Gero 'ordinarily such a mission would take a considerable amount of time to plan. Fortunately the dragon radar operates by sending out a very destinctive signal to bounce off the dragonballs. I tuned this device to locate that signal instead of the dragonballs.

I now know that there are two other dragon radars out there. One in the hands of the late Yamcha, and one in the possession of someone heading in his direction. Logically Brief's first priority would be to reunite with the rest of her group.'

'Wait, you just got that device five minutes ago.' said Hasky.

'Yes?' asked Gero.

'You figured out how it worked, reprogrammed it completely and set it to track others of its kind in that time?' asked Hasky.

'You make it sound difficult.' mused Gero 'Actually there is not much to tell. The device is an improvement upon our own equipment. I merely reverse engineered it.' He offered it to Silver. 'There is a jet waiting for you now. Capture Brief's and also the boy who accompanies here.'

'Why him?' asked Silver.

'He has a monkey tail.' said Gero 'It must be worthwhile to study how that happened.'

'We'll take care of it.' said Hasky. 'Trust me.'

'If you succeed here, I will.' said Gero 'Even now we are finessing the superhuman project. My son believes he can enhance your abilities. Though not quite as much as Silver, you've already enhanced yourself.'

'Fine,' said Hasky 'let's go.'

Launch's emotions were boiling beneath the surface as they made their way out. Hasky tried to ignore them, but there they were. Threatening to force their way back into the forefront. She didn't like it at all. So she shoved it away and focused on her job and the money she'd make from it.

Yes, money.

* * *

The body of Bora was buried beneath a mound of earth. The branch of a tree was set into the earth as a marker. Upa looked at the mound that was all that was left of Bora somberly, shovel in hand and refusing to cry.

'Oh daddy…' said Upa 'I wish I had been strong enough to help.' He looked to where Puar was lying alongside Yamcha. 'I wish I could have saved Yamcha and Puar too.' Loosing some earth, he hurled some dirt onto Yamcha.

At that moment there came the infernal buzzing noise. A coptor was approaching, zooming toward the clearing. In a panic Upa ran for cover as the coptor landed. Upa hid behind a tree and watched as a soldier made his way out of the corptor towards the bodies of Yamcha and Puar.

'It is amazing that a group of teenagers could cause the Red Ribbon Army such enormous problems.' said the man. 'We were so careless…'

Then Upa saw that the dragonball Father had given Yamcha was lying on his heart where the beam of energy had struck him. The soldier saw it too and laughed.

'Well what do you know?' he said, reaching for it.

Then his hand was grabbed and an elbow lashed out to bash him across the face. Yamcha arose grimly and threw the man body against his coptor. Joy entered Upa's heart as he rushed out.

'Yamcha!' he cried 'You're alive!'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'Puar, are you okay?'

'Yeah…' said the blue cat as she sat up. 'How did you survive Yamcha?'

'I…' Yamcha looked to the four star ball. 'I think the dragonball blocked the worst of Tao's shot.'

'Storing it in your shirt like that must have protected you.' said Upa 'I think it saved your life.'

Yamcha picked it up. 'Yeah, but we've got to keep this out of the Red Ribbon Army's hands. A few more like this and this world is history. I just hope Kakarot and Bulma are doing better than we are.'

At that moment the man returned with a shotgun and raised it.

Yamcha surged forward, knocked the shot away and brought around a leg to kick the man in the neck. There was a crack and he fell limp. Summoning energy into his hands, Yamcha sent a kamehameha wave to destroy the coptor.

'You two had better take cover,' said Yamcha 'there are going to be more where that came from. Maybe Tao too.'

'What about you?' asked Puar.

'I'm going to climb Korin Tower.' said Yamcha 'And get that sacred water. Hate to say it, but without that power I don't stand a chance in HFIL of matching Tao.' He sighed and looked to Upa. 'I'm really sorry I couldn't help your dad, kid.'

'It's not your fault, Yamcha.' said Upa.

For a moment Yamcha thought he wouldn't say anything, but then Upa began to cry and sob. He stood by, feeling helpless. Tao had murdered a man, and everyone close to him was now paying the price.

'This is awful,' said Puar 'now Upa's all alone. Just like we were.'

'Yeah.' said Yamcha 'I wish… I wish we could have saved him.'

'Well,' said Puar 'maybe we still can. The dragonballs can grant any wish! Maybe they can bring Upa's father back!'

'That's it!' said Yamcha 'Puar you're a genius!' He looked to the kid. 'Dry those tears kid, cause as soon as we collect all of the dragonballs we can use them to wish your father back to life!'

'What?!' said Upa. 'Can you really do that?'

'Yeah, well… I don't know.' said Yamcha 'I'm pretty sure we can bring back the dead with them, but there might be some restrictions. Still some hope is better than nothing, I guess.'

'But remember,' said Upa 'the bad man who hurt my father took your bag with the dragonballs.'

'That's why I'm going to climb Korin Tower.' said Yamcha 'If I can get that sacred water I might be able to beat Tao. And if I can do that, I can beat anyone.' He paused. 'I'm going to have my work cut out for me. But don't lose hope kid.'

'Yeah,' said Upa 'I'll bet you can climb the Tower if anybody can!'

'I just hope the stories are true.' said Puar. 'That's a long way to climb for nothing.'

Yamcha looked up. And up. And up. And up. 'Yeah, I hope so too. I'd better get going. Puar, take care of Upa while I'm gone. Keep hidden, I'm taking the dragonball with me so Tao can't get it.'

'Okay!' said Puar.

'Good luck!' said Upa 'And be careful!'

Yamcha walked to the base of the tower, bent his knees and leaped. He leaped high into the air, nearly fifty feet, and caught himself on the rock. Then he vaulted himself further up another fifty feet. Soon he was climbing rapidly upwards as quickly as he could. It went further and further up, but he knew better than to look down.

However soon he found himself climbing through clouds. And still he could see no sign of the end of the tower. Onwards and upwards he scaled, never looking back. He'd find the sacred water, or die trying.

It was the least he could do.

Actually this whole adventure had been kind of cool.

* * *

There was a phone call in Tao's apartment. It was a first class apartment with silken curtains and persian rugs. Sofas of gold and velvet were in the living room, and yet now he was distracted from his relaxing by a phone call.

Most annoying. Tao picked up.

'Hmph?' he asked.

'This is Commander Red.' said Red.

'What do you want?' asked Tao.

'Listen…' said Red.

'Hmph,' said Tao 'yes?'

'I think Yamcha might still be alive.' said Red.

'What!' said Tao 'That's impossible! I told you I took care of him, commander!'

'Well something strange is going on over there.' said Red. 'I want you to go and check it out immediately.'

Tao saw what was happening. Red assumed that just because he was paying Tao that his money somehow gave him power over him. Obviously this was not the case, as he would find out if he continued trying to give him orders.

'I'll be available again in three days.' snapped Tao 'Call me then.'

'That will be too late!' said Red 'I want you to go right now!'

'You can't order me.' scoffed Tao. 'I'm not one of your little soldiers.'

* * *

This adventure was officially no longer cool.

As Yamcha scrambled hand and foot upwards along the pillar he still could not see the top. Below him he had risked a glance and the world was far beyond his sight. He was stuck in limbo, between clouds and the void above. It was surreal, it was cold, it was wet, and Yamcha was not having fun.

His muscles burned with exertion, and he was so damn tired.

Still, he couldn't afford to rush. One false step and he'd fall to his death. Nobody else had ever gotten up this thing. But not many people had trained like Yamcha had. And nobody had ever survived being marked by Mercenary Tao. So that was something.

The sun began to set and he was bathed in red light. Sweat dripped into his eyes, as his arms and legs hurt. Night fell, and still he was stuck climbing. It hurt, and he could hardly bear to do this any further. The stars came out, and sleep threatened to come onto him, but he forced it away and scaled higher still.

Day rose again and his hands were shaking. He was so tired. Every inch he climbed was harder than the last. It was all he could do to keep going.

He thought about Upa, about Puar, about all his friends he wouldn't see again if he didn't do this. He thought about Tao and the Red Ribbon Army and all the evil deeds that would go unpunished if he succeeded. He thought about Bora, and Suno and all the other people who had lost their loved ones. Loved ones who they would never see again if he fell from this tower.

It was enough and he forced himself onward.

What awaited at the top would just have to wait.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

And enjoy. It's kind of funny. In the original story the Wolf Fang Fist was useful one or two times before being permenantly relegated to the worf barrage. In this continuity though, it has been Yamcha's trump card all this time and has always managed to even the odds for him. Personally I think this way works better.

First rule of having a jobber is that the jobber should be allowed enough victories so that their defeat makes the enemy credible, rather than merely enforcing the status quo. In other words, never have a jobber.


	58. Korin Tower

**Chapter Fifty Eight: Korin Tower**

They had stopped for the night to discuss things. After several days of travel, Bulma, Kakarot and Chi Chi had halted inside a secluded wood and were sitting around a fire talking, the plame behind them lying dormant. The shadows were growing longer, as were their worries. There had been some odd behavior on their dragon radar today.

'I'm really worried guys,' said Chi Chi 'why would Yamcha separate the dragonballs after getting them?'

'He might have had one stolen.' said Kakarot. 'I doubt he'd get one and then leave without it. It's more likely that the Red Ribbon Army stole one and fled from him.'

'But then why isn't Yamcha following them?' asked Bulma. 'You think maybe he got hurt.'

'He might have gone on a risky mission,' said Chi Chi 'and split the dragonballs with Puar.'

'Well whatever it is we can ask him when we find him.' said Kakarot 'Let's head for Korin first. That place is nearer to our path. Once we get there we'll figure out who has the dragonball there, and see if we can find out where Yamcha went.'

Suddenly a shadow was cast over them from a nearby hill. They looked up to see a figure shrouded in shadow, but wearing a black trenchcoat that flowed in the wind. Kakarot and Chi Chi arose and took stances as thet came forward.

'Oh I doubt you'll have time for that.' said the man.

At last he came within the light of the fire. Kakarot and Bulma laughed,

'Oh, it's only Silver.' said Bulma in relief.

'What?' asked Kakarot 'Was General White busy?'

'Grr…' growled Silver in frustration.

'Look, no offense,' said Bulma as she came forward. 'but we've faced people a hell of a lot more dangerous than you by now and you really aren't very threatening. So how about you hop on that jet and scram-'

And then Silver surged forward with superhuman speed. His fist struck Bulma in the gut and she doubled over with a gasp. Then her eyes closed as she slumped to the ground, stunned.

'Bulma!' cried Chi Chi, rushing forward.

Then Hasky surged in from nowhere and dropkicked Chi Chi into a nearby tree. Kakarot turned to face her, but a glow appeared in Silver's palm as Bulma fell down. 'Mint Blaster!'

'What!' said Kakarot. 'How did he-

A ball of light surged towards Kakarot, and he narrowly leaped over it. As he did, Silver appeared above him. Kakarot turned around and their arms clashed in a flurry of strikes, before Kakarot landed on the ground and Silver landed before him.

'It's hard, isn't it?' asked Silver 'Facing the next stage of human evolution!'

'Stage this!' said Kakarot 'KaaameeehaaameeeHAAA!'

'Mint FLASHER!' roared Silver.

A yellow wave of light shot from Silver's hand to meet the kamehameha wave. There was a terrific explosion which blasted the surrounding trees to bits. Then it faded and both were standing. But Silver was on one knee. Hasky landed by him.

'You all right Silver?' she asked.

'Fine,' said Silver 'he's well practiced with that technique.'

'Two on one?' mused Kakarot 'I guess I'll have to take this seriously.' He began to haul off the weights on his arms.

'Launch, what are you doing?!' asked Chi Chi from where she was getting up slowly.

Launch raised her hand. 'The name's Hasky.' A ball of light hit Chi Chi and slammed her against the wall.

'Chi Chi!' roared Kakarot.

He surged forward towards them. He engaged them in a flurry of blows, and dealt a punch to Hasky's gut, before almost getting Silver in the face. But Silver struck him in the side and sent him reeling, and Hasky surged after him to drop kick him into a tree. The two officers leaped over him and summoned energy above him. Yellow and blue light flowed from their hands as Kakarot summoned energy of his own.

There was a brilliant flash of light that illuminated the whole of the forest.

* * *

Five minutes later the unconscious Kakarot and Bulma were loaded while bound onto the jet. Silver raised a communicator to his face, wincing at some of his bruises. 'This is Silver to base. We've got the subjects and we're transporting them back now.'

'Excellent work Silver.' said Gero 'As always you prove you can be relied upon.'

'Just make sure you have my money for me, old man.' said Launch.

'Of course.' said Gero.

People went about their daily business in the bazaar. A pair of children were drawing with chalk on the ground while a rabbit scratched its ears next to them. A man led three camels laiden with goods out through the street. Meanwhile a mother and her child were looking at a poster.

'Mommy what is it?' asked the child 'What is it? What does it say?'

'It says that it is the twentieth anniversary campaign of… oh dear. Oh no a killer!'

Tao ignored the woman. She would not be a client, unless he had gravely misjudged her. His concern was with getting back to his motel. Of course he sensed the two men tailing him, they were utterly pedestrian in their methods and he doubted they would be any threat. In fact the guns he could hear bumping at their sides made him certain.

'That's Tao.' said a man. 'Now's your chance. Do it!'

Tao did not look back as he heard the man raise his gun. However he did kick a sandal into the air. There was a bang as the sandal went over his shoulder. The bullet hit the sandal and was sent spinning back to land just beneath Tao's foot as he slipped it on again.

With any luck the fool would take the hint. Tao disliked having to dirty his hands when he wasn't being paid. Returning to his motel, he paid no heed to the footman's cowering, save to acknowledge that everything was as it should be.

It had better be.

'Welcome back sir.' said the manager. 'The refreshments are in the room and your bath is being drawn.'

'Excellent,' said Tao, not sparing him a glance.

To his dissatisfaction, however, the bath was not hot enough for his tastes. He supposed most hotels did not include features to boil water in their baths. Most humans would die, but Tao needed it to relax. Still it was a simple matter to fix.

Putting his hand into the water he channeled his power. Heat surged through the water and it began to boil. Steam emerged from it like a hot spring. Perfect.

Picking up the egg he had set aside he sat down in the bath, set the timer and brought it beneath the surface. 'Boil five minutes… then crack and serve.'

Five minutes elapsed.

He broke the egg shell on his face, utterly shattering it so that all the shell fell away into the water. Then he began to eat. He greatly enjoyed eggs.

* * *

It was at the beginning of the next morning Yamcha saw the top. It looked kind of like a flying saucer planted at the top of the pillar. As he scaled higher he could see several portals in the bottom of the saucer which he might be able to get through. His every inch was aching, but now he was eager to keep going upwards.

With a glance downwards he realized he could see the earth far below. Why? He hadn't been able to before. A cloud of mist must have arisen to block his view before. Yes, that made sense. A howling wind shot past him, blowing his hair around him.

'Wow,' he said 'I'd better not stop.' He kept climbing upwards. 'Almost… almost there…'

Every inch seemed a mile. Every minute seemed an eternity. Sweat drenched his brow as he inched closer and closer to the entrance. Just a little further now… Just a little further… He was now right under one of the holes, but he'd have to pull away from the pillar. Reaching out with one hand he grabbed the edge of the portal. Pulling himself up, he began to scale up.

Only a bit further. He just needed to not screw it up and fall to his death at the last minute.

That sacred water was his!

He pulled himself upwards out of what seemed to be a cauldron at the center of a blue floored room. As he tried to pull himself up he slipped and fell backward. Even so he kept his grip and finally hoisted himself over the side.

He was here. He had won.

Instantly he fell against the side of the cauldron and began to breath in exhaustion. It was over. He was just going to sit here for a few minutes and relax. God he was sore, his muscles were burning and his body was stiff.

Gradually he began to take in his surroundings. There was a purple bed with a green box on top of it in front of him. On the far wall was a bathtub. Beneath a round window on the yellow wall were three jars. There was also a lime green screen near the bath tub. Though a door he could see a balcony leading up to a stair that circled around the wall. There was a glass sphere hanging from the ceiling, and somewhere he could heard wind chimes playing. He wasn't sure where.

'Okay,' said Yamcha 'I'm here. So where is the guardian? And the water. Please tell me there isn't going to be another test.'

He made his way over to one of the three jars. Removing the top from the center one he saw a perfect image of his own face. He was young still, handsome, with short dark hair. Then he saw a ripple in the water, growing greater and greater in size. Suddenly he saw Master Roshi. Yet he was not at the Turtle Hermit's house, but in a cell. The old man was sitting with his head bowed. What was he doing there?

The view changed and he saw Bulma and Kakarot lying unconscious while bound. Launch and Silver were piloting the vehicle they were trapped in. It changed again and he saw Chi Chi heading on the Nimbus, bruised and battered. What were these visions?

The wind chimes intensified, and then fell away. Yamcha felt as though what he had seen had been very real. Yet now he saw nothing but his own reflection.

He moved to the left jar and took it off.

* * *

It was a train car and he saw himself robbing it. He and Puar were marching through the halls with heavy weapons in their hands and people were cowering around him. Some of their expressions reminded him of Upa and he felt a twinge of guilt. The guards had already been overpowered and now came the loot. Yamcha threw open the door to one car and pointed his gun through.

'Alright this is a holdup! Hand over… your…' Yamcha trailed off.

Suddenly he realized that he was looking into a room with the Crane Hermit, Mercenary Tao, and Tien Shinhan sitting quite peaceably. Yamcha had always made a point of researching the top martial artists so he didn't end up fighting someone he couldn't handle. He was looking at two of them right now.

'Yes?' asked Mercenary Tao. 'Hand over what?'

'Nevermind,' said Yamcha 'there appears to have been some mistake. I'll rob the next car.'

'You do that.' said Tao.

Yamcha shut the door and pressed on. Tao looked to the Crane Hermit, who was smiling in amusement. 'Smart kid.' said Tao. The water faded away and was gone.

* * *

Yamcha leaned back. He'd never been nearer to death then, and he'd have died as a bandit. Just some common footpad, not better than Silver or White. Tao could have killed him in seconds, but he hadn't. It was a strange thing to think about. He wasn't at all sure what it meant.

That had been a vision from his past. Did that mean that the middle jar was a vision of the present? And did that make the third jar the future?

Making his way over to the jar, his hand hovered over the top. For a long moment he stood there. Did he even want to see what was beneath the cover? Would he see what would be? Or what might be? If what he saw was that Tao killed him and Puar would there be any changing it? He shuddered and then he turned away.

He'd make his own future. He didn't need a wishing well to give him gray hairs early.

'Well, you've got more self control than most.' said a voice. 'Most people can't help but look at past present and future.'

Yamcha took a stance. 'Who are you?'

'I can barely hear you.' said the voice 'Here, come on up!'

Yamcha found his eyes drawn to the doorway. Making his way out of it he scaled up the stairs. As he did so the wind howled in the distance. He wondered what the sacred water would look like and who it was who was speaking to him. Probably the guardian.

At the top of the stairs was a terrace. And at the center of that terrace was an altar. And on that altar there was a black jar. Yet no sign of the guardian.

'Where are you?' asked Yamcha.

'Well alright,' said the voice 'it's about time you joined the party.'

'Party?' asked Yamcha 'What are you talking about?' He looked around and couldn't see him.

'Shake the blindness off babe,' said the voice 'I'm right here!'

Yamcha turned around and saw a portly cat. It was standing there with a hooked wooden staff propped over one arm. He… really should have been expecting that.

'Your younger than most who come up here.' said the cat. 'Enjoyed your climb?'

'Look,' said Yamcha 'I'm on a table here. So can you point me in the direction of the sacred water, or do I have to look for it myself?'

'Come closer.' said Korin.

Yamcha growled, but complied. 'My name is Yamcha, I'm here for the sacred water. I need it and fast.'

'Like I haven't heard that one before.' scoffed the cat 'Lesson 1: Nothing worthwhile comes fast.'

'So who are you?' asked Yamcha.

'Korin,' said the cat 'keeper of the tower.'

'So do you have the sacred water or not?' asked Yamcha.

'Of course.' said Korin. 'We're surrounded by sacred water. Every drop on this planet.' And he started laughing.

'Okay, I've just climbed all the way up here after having the crap kicked out of me by Mercenary Tao.' said Yamcha 'And he's probably coming back as we speak to murder my friends. Which means I'm in a real rush and don't have time for games.

So I'm gonna make this real simple: I'm going to ask you that again and if you dodge the question I'm going to Wolf Fang Fist you into next week.

Do you have the sacred water?'

'Relax kid,' said Korin, motioning with his staff to the flask. 'it's right over there.'

'Thank you.' said Yamcha.

'But I'm not giving it to you.'

'Are you serious?!' roared Yamcha 'Are you telling me you made me climb all the way up this place for nothing?!'

'I didn't make you do anything.' said Korin 'Water is just one source of strength. The real question is what you would do with it.'

Great, another test. 'I would use it to protect innocent people.' said Yamcha.

'That's a noble statement for a bandit.' noted Korin sarcastically.

'What was the point of letting all those people fall to their deaths if you weren't going to actually give it to the winner!' snapped Yamcha.

'Eh,' said Korin, turning away. 'ask me again when you're older.' He sighed. 'Look kid, no hard feelings. It's just not your time.'

'I don't care what you think!' roared Yamcha 'I climbed the tower, and if I don't get that water more of my friends are going to die!' He paused. 'Wait a minute, why am I having this conversation? Tao's probably almost here by now. I don't have time for this.' And he turned to walk towards the sacred water.'

'Are you certain the sacred water is what you need?' asked Korin.

'Shove it.' said Yamcha.

'You feel free to give that a try.' said Korin in an amused tone.

Yamcha reached for the water, and abruptly had his legs knocked out from under him. He arose and suddenly found Korin between him and the sacred water. He'd never even seen him move! Obviously taking the water from him by force wouldn't be easy.

'If you're done falling all over yourself, maybe we can continue.' said Korin. 'Why do you want more strength?'

'Didn't I already tell you that?' asked Yamcha 'Tao wants me dead, and he's already killed someone to get me. And he's trying to get the dragonballs for the Red Ribbon Army and no one wants them to make a wish on the eternal-'

'Yeah, all right!' said Korin 'Easy on the speech, okay! You're hard on the ears!'

'You just asked me to explain why I want more strength!' snapped Yamcha.

'Just lock your jaw for a minute, would ya.' said Korin.

There was dead silence as the cat looked at him carefully. It stretched on and on into eternity as Yamcha shifted nervously.

'You have to defeat Tao the mercenary and retrieve your dragonballs,' said Korin 'and collect the other ones so you can wish Upa's father back to life. Is that the gist of it?'

'Yeah, that's what I've said.' said Yamcha. 'Wait, how do you know about Upa?'

'I read minds.' said Korin. 'But don't worry kid, I only skimmed you.'

'Can I please get the sacred water now?' asked Yamcha.

'Go ahead and grab it.' said Korin.

Yamcha turned to the water and reached for it.

'How does it look up there?' asked Korin.

Yamcha ignored him. He didn't have time for this. His fingers began to close around the flask. Then Korin surged forward and knocked him away with his staff. Yamcha rolled across the room and got to his feet quickly.

'You said I could have the sacred water!' snapped Yamcha.

'If that's what I said, then don't mind me,' said Korin 'have all you want.'

Yamcha hesitated. He tensed, before relaxing and turning away. Then he whirled round and surged towards the sacred water at top speed, only to be promptly kicked in the face by Korin. He landed on his feet and faced the guardian down.

'What is your problem?!' snapped Yamcha.

'You can drink the sacred water.' said Korin 'If you can get around me.'

'Fine,' said Yamcha 'let's do this. Wolf, Fang- Oh my god what's that over there!' He pointed behind Korin. Korin followed his gaze, and Yamcha took his chance to be smacked in the face by Korin's staff.

This time he landed on his back.

'Not that this isn't any fun,' said Korin 'but before you play the game maybe you should read the directions.'

'Easy for you to say!' snapped Yamcha 'None of the legends said I had to take the water from the guardian after climbing a tower about a million miles tall!'

Korin hooked the flask with his staff and brought it down to lean on it. Then he began to wave it in front of him. 'Come on, it's right here! Keep your eyes on the prize!'

Yamcha saw red and lunged. Yet Korin leaped away easily, and he had to pursue. Thus it went, as the two dodged and weaved. Korin effortlessly outmenuevered him at every turn, moving with absolute ease to avoid his attempts to get the bottle.

'I understand if you want to give up.' said Korin 'No hard feelings.'

Yamcha pursued all the harder and soon they were leaping through the air and running in circles as he tried to get the bottle from him. Then suddenly Korin loosed the flask from his staff and it fell to the ground.

'Uh oh…' said Korin.

Seeing his chance Yamcha surged down toward it. Yet Korin snatched it away with lightning speed and Yamcha collided face first with the floor. He got up and went after Korin again. Yet then Korin started doing tricks, balancing the flask on his staff while weaving past him.

He was making a complete fool of Yamcha!

No, no he had to think. He had to find some way to trap Korin in one place.

'Lesson number 2:' said Korin 'you can't retrieve what your mind can't conceive, get it? All you're doing is reacting to me. Learn to anticipate your opponents actions.'

'…Okay,' said Yamcha. 'kaameehaaameeehaa!'

And he used his own energy wave to propel himself towards Korin at breakneck speed. Korin moved away and Yamcha realized suddenly that he may have miscalculated. This was confirmed when he crashed headfirst into a pillar and fell to the ground.

'That must have hurt.' said Korin.

It didn't get any better from there.

Dark stormclouds began to gather overhead as the chase went on. And no matter how Yamcha tried he could not get the flask. Korin didn't even seem winded, while he was becoming more and more exhausted. Lightning flashed around them as his mocking laughter rang throughout the night.

Eventually Yamcha ended up just lying on his back, gasping for breath while Korin stood unaffected over him. Staff in hand and flask safely hooked over it.

'You can't be that tired.' said the cat 'Come on! We're just getting started!'

'Tell me this,' said Yamcha as he sat up. 'has anyone actually ever managed to get the sacred water from you after climbing the tower?'

'Yes,' said Korin 'but only one about three hundred years ago.'

'Three hundred…' Yamcha paused. 'how old are you?'

Lightning cracked. 'Eight hundred years,' said Korin 'give or take a few.'

'Eight hundred years?' asked Yamcha 'Did you use the dragonballs to wish yourself immortal?'

'Nah,' said Korin 'I got granted long life as a gift from Kami.' He paused. 'I'll tell you something else. The only person who ever succeeded in drinking the sacred water was Master Roshi, the turtle hermit.'

The legend struck again. 'So Master Roshi climbed this tower.'

'Judging by the way you move,' continued Korin 'I'd say you are self taught. Maybe picking up a few tricks from a couple of masters along the way.'

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'well I didn't exactly have a chance to learn at a dojo where I'm from.'

'You really should seek out a proper instructor when you're done here.' said Korin 'Roshi could teach you a thing or two even I couldn't.'

'How long did it take him?' asked Yamcha. 'For Roshi to get the sacred water, I mean.'

Korin raised three fingers.

'Three months?' asked Yamcha.

'No.' said Korin 'Three years.'

Yamcha's heart sank. The greatest martial arts master in the world had tried and failed to pass this test for three years straight. If it took Roshi that long, how long might it take Yamcha?

All he could do was try and hope to succeed quickly. Very quickly.


	59. Sacred Water

**Chapter Fiftynine: Sacred Water**

Thunder cracked and roared, bathing the inside of the tower in white light. The sound of rain pouring down upon them was deafening. Yamcha didn't know quite what to say.

'Three years?' he asked, hoping he'd heard wrong.

Lightning shattered the sky above as Korin said nothing for a moment. The sacred water flask suddenly seemed almost ominous, hanging there on his staff. His three fingers were like an executioners guillotine.

'It really took that long for the Turtle Hermit to do it?' asked Yamcha, hopes sinking.

'That's right.' said Korin 'Now how long do you think it's going to take you.' And then he started laughing.

'This isn't funny!' said Yamcha 'My friends are going to die if I don't get that flask!' He remembered Tao, looming over the corpse of Bora. Of Upa burying his father with his own hands. Of a lone mound where once there had been a living man. He thought of Bulma and Kakarot, held prisoner.

He didn't have time for this. No, he had to make time. 'I'm going to get that water from you no matter what it takes, Korin!'  
Korin said nothing as thunder rolled again. Then he yawned again and began wiping his eyes. 'The rain always makes me sleepy…' He pointed to his staff. 'The bottle will be right here whenever you want it, so just let me know. And try not to worry so much, three years can go by pretty quickly.'

And he turned to walk away. Then Yamcha had an idea, one he'd picked up from Kakarot on the road. As Korin turned to walk away he tensed himself for a spring. Then he leaped forward and landed in front of Korin, before cartwheeling away, leaving behind an afterimage. Leaping to and fro he created image after image around the cat.

'What's the matter Korin?' asked Yamcha 'Can't find the real me?!'

'Ah, the old afterimage technique.' said Korin. He chuckled and took a stance. Then he surged forward to the wrong one. 'Looks like I found the right one here…'

He had him. Yamcha surged forward, grabbing for the staff. Only to pass right through Korin's afterimage and narrowly avoid colliding face first with the floor. Korin laughed again.

'Thanks for the entertainment kid,' he said 'that was fun. Good night.'

And he walked off.

'Get back here!' snapped Yamcha 'We're not done yet!'

And he followed after him, only to realize just how tired he really was. He hadn't eaten anything in two days, and his legs were all wobbly, as he staggered down the stairs. All the strain took its toll as his stomach growled.

'Ah,' said Korin by his bed 'that reminds me, I haven't eaten anything in five years. Why don't we grab some lunch? I know just the thing.'

Korin produced a fish from his fridge and began to cook it on a grill. As he did so the rain stopped and the sun came out. It became warmer as the cat hummed to himself. Yamcha tried to keep his hunger from showing, but it was difficult.

'Lunch is ready!' called Korin.

'Finally,' said Yamcha, approaching.

'Here you go, enjoy!' said Korin, tossing Yamcha a bean.

Yamcha caught it. 'You're not serious. A single bean? Look if you don't want to put me up I can go hunt something down below.'

'One is all you need.' said Korin, who was already picking his teeth after finishing the fish. 'It's a senzu bean. Just one will keep you full for at least ten days. But you have to eat it first.' He sipped his tea.

Experimentally Yamcha chewed it up and eat it. Instantly he felt absolutely full, stuffed even. Yet he still felt strange.

'You feel lightheaded and weak,' said Korin 'but hunger isn't your problem. At this altitude, the air is much thinner than you're used to so all that wasted energy you're throwing around is bringing you back down. See, you should move like you speak: With purpose and clear direction. Commit your mind and focus, distraction is the route of all failure.'

He walked past Yamcha and held in his hand the bag Yamcha had been carrying with the dragonball in it. 'What's this garbage? Then why keep it around.'

'No wait!' said Yamcha 'That has my dragonball in it!'

Korin threw it off the tower. In a panic Yamcha leaped off it, scurrying down the tower as quickly as possible to try and retrieve it. Getting down took him well into the hours of sunset and after he'd found the ball and scurried back up it was night. A whole day wasted.

Or was it? Yamcha was beginning to think that Korin was putting on an act of some kind.

He pulled himself back up into the tower and saw Korin sleeping. 'Look Korin, this isn't garbage! It's a dragonball and if the Red Ribbon Army got their hands on it it would be a big deal!'

Korin said nothing.

'Hey!' snapped Yamcha 'I'm talking to you Korin!'

Korin did not answer. He seemed fast asleep, the staff in his grip, the flask still hanging from it. The flask, it was right there. He could take it. Yamcha reached out and then stopped. He did not think that all this was for nothing. Korin must have known how serious all this was.

'No,' he said, drawing back his hand. 'not like this. I'll pass his test the right way.'

Then, exhausted, he lay down to sleep.

Korin opened his eyes to where Yamcha was now sleeping. 'Well, looks like honesty isn't extinct after all. I haven't been surprised in over six hundred years. This kid is smart, nothing like Roshi.'

As he laughed himself to sleep a shooting star shot across the sky.

The next morning Korin began looking through various ancient scrolls at his desk. The staff was still leaning against one arm, and he was apparently not paying attention. Apparently. Yamcha crept forward using all of his stealth and cunning. As he did so Korin's head began to nod. Now was his chance.

He reached forward, but even as he did so the flask moved beyond his reach. Again he reached and again it was pulled away. He snatched at it again and again and each time just missed it.

'Concentrate,' said Korin 'anticipate my movements. Know my thoughts by reading my breath.'

'What… exactly does that mean?' asked Yamcha.

'Well it wouldn't hurt to think about it.' said Korin, moving the flask to bang him on the head.

And that was how another day of seeking the flask went. Yamcha tried predicting Korin's actions, watching which direction he was going and moving to cut him off. However, Korin began using after images, which made things all the more difficult. Hour by hour, minute by minute time ticked away as Yamcha desperately tried to catch the cat.

He tried in vain.

Night fell away and morning dawned and still, Yamcha tried and failed. Though he tried with all his might both the sacred water and Korin's advice eluded him. Thus the second day passed.

* * *

Mercenary Tao was meditating as the sunset outside his open window. As he did so his mind turned the situation over in his head over and over. He had shot Yamcha. He had gotten a direct hit on his heart.

'I know I hit him.' he said 'So how is it that he managed to survive?'

A suspicion came over him, a theory. There was a rumor that dragonballs were indestructible. He'd never put any stock in the idea, but perhaps…

He looked to the bag containing the dragonball and drew it out. Gripping it in one hand he clenched a fist. No matter how hard he squeezed he found he could not break it. Mercenary Tao had found something at long last which he could not destroy.

'Of course.' he said 'The dragonball.' He arose and made his way to the window. 'No matter. I only hope he is enjoying today while he can. For tomorrow…' He trailed off to appreciate the beautiful sunset. He had to admit he loved the way it contrasted against the desert. 'Hah! He will see his last sunrise.'

* * *

Puar and Upa had not been idle. As night came on they had been out gathering many flowers to put over the grave of Bora. Puar was impressed at how well Upa was taking this. She'd never have had the same control if Yamcha had died.

'Goodnight Father.' said Upa 'I hope these flowers keep you warm. Please hold on, Yamcha says he can bring you back and I believe him. I miss you so much.'

Puar looked up at the tower sadly. 'Hurry up Yamcha. We need you.'

* * *

Yamcha rushed at Korin, who disappeared, and came at him from behind. Yet the cat hit only an afterimage. Yamcha came from behind and swiped at him, only to be knocked flat by the real Korin who was behind him.

Yamcha hit the ground with a three-point landing, gasping for breath. 'I… I can't keep going like this.'

'Then we will retire until tomorrow.' said Korin.

'Will I win?' asked Yamcha.

'Only you know the answer to that question.' said Korin.

Yet as Korin made his way down the stairs he thought to himself: _'His progress is amazing. I haven't been this tired since… ever.'_

* * *

Yamcha did not sleep well that evening. He dreamed that Upa and Puar were running from an enemy he could neither see or hear. They screamed and called for his help, but he could say nothing, do nothing. All he could do was watch as Mercenary Tao appeared and brought down one foot…

And then there were two more graves with Bora.

He awoke with a start. He was awake and alone. Korin was sleeping on his bed, for once not clutching the staff. Both knew Yamcha wouldn't go for it now.

'Just… just a dream.' said Yamcha, falling backward. 'What am I doing here? Maybe I should just make a run for it and hide under a rock. I don't have three years. No, who am I kidding, they'll track the dragonball. And I can't just give it up.

Oh, how am I supposed to beat the Turtle Hermit's record? It's impossible!' He tried to focus. 'Read his breath. What did Korin mean by that?' He looked at the white cat. Then he looked at the jar which held the present within it. Suddenly curious he arose and drew off the top, before looking into it.

He was looking into a room, an elaborate one, almost a throne room. Bulma had her hands bound and was standing in front of a short red-haired man who was eyeing her. He took out his cigar. 'So this is the great Bulma Briefs who has caused us so much trouble in the past.'

'I'm gonna cause a lot more than that if you don't let me out of these bindings!' snapped Bulma. 'You're not going to get away with this!'

'A lot of people have said that to the Red Ribbon Army.' said a black man in a suit. 'Most of them are dead. If you want to avoid their fate you'd better cooperate.'

'What do you want?' asked Bulma.

'Your skills as an engineer are noted.' said Red 'It's lucky for you that my associate Dr. Gero has a use for you. You will assist him in all his projects without reservation. If you don't comply, I will have your friends, the boy, and the old man, executed.'

'Kakarot and Master Roshi, where are they?!' snapped Bulma.

'Quite safe.' said Red 'Whether they stay that way or not is up to you.'

Bulma did not say anything, but she breathed in. Then the vision faded. Yamcha looked away. 'Aw, man. I can't afford not to win this thing. Know his thoughts by reading his breath…' He looked at Korin and listened. Lying down, he imitated the cat's position. It was a shot in the dark, but he did whatever Korin did to try and get into his mindset.

It wasn't easy, but he had to try.

In the skies above another shooting star crossed the sky.

* * *

The morning brought with it a more beautiful sunrise than Yamcha had ever seen. He and Korin went up to the top floor of the tower and faced one another down. Yamcha took a stance and prepared to spring.

'Today is the day Korin.' said Yamcha 'That bottle is mine!'

'Do, don't speak.' said Korin.

Yamcha charged with a cry. Korin backpedaled, narrowly avoiding each of his strikes. Backflipping into the air, Korin kicked off the pillar. 'Focus boy!' he cried as he charged Yamcha.

Yet he hit only an afterimage and soon was on the defensive as Yamcha unleashed a flurry of blows he scarcely avoided. Korin surged away, leaping into the air. Yet Yamcha saw this coming and was right behind him.

Suddenly Korin's grasp on the staff loosened and it fell away. Yamcha was after it in a flash.

'Don't!' cried Korin 'You're going to fall!'

Yamcha caught the staff even as he went over the edge. Reaching out with one leg he caught the railing and held the staff up, triumphant. Pulling himself up he raised the bottle. 'Finally, that took… a lot less time than I thought it would, actually. Can I drink it now?'

'Drink up.' said Korin 'You earned it.'

Uncorking it, Yamcha drank it down quickly. When he did, he did not feel any different. 'It wasn't really about the water was it?'

'Nope.' said Korin 'It's just tap water.'

'I knew it.' Yamcha said.

'See,' said Korin 'you gained strength by working hard to get that bottle. Climbing up and down the tower increased your endurance, learning to anticipate my actions sharpened your mind and stealing that bottle away from me increased your speed. So see, you've tripled your strength since you arrived all by yourself.'

Yamcha smiled. 'Tao isn't going to know what hit him.' He paused. 'Hey, is uh… there any way we can know what Tao is doing right now? So we don't get surprised.'

'Try the jar of the present.' said Korin 'It should react to whatever is most bothering you.'

'Right, thanks.' said Yamcha.

* * *

Tao looked at the mirror before him. The new outfit was very nice, even better than the last one. He enjoyed the look of it on him. Still, it was a little tight. 'Good job tailor, though I should cut back on my eggs.'

'Thank you, sir,' said the tailor 'I had to stay up all night to complete it.'

'Whatever,' said Tao 'now I can finish this job and retrieve the last dragonball.' He turned to walk out the door.

'But sir…' said the tailor 'my money…'

'What?' asked Tao. 'Tailor, you desire compensation for the privilege of serving the needs of Tao the great mercenary?'

'A simple token of appreciation.' said the tailor.

'Silence,' said Tao 'I see. I have given you my business and in exchange, you offer me contempt.'

The man's eyes widened.

'That's a bit too pricey.' said Tao. 'You see, people meet my needs freely out of fear. And if I were to pay you it would make me look weak. I can't tolerate that sort of reputation.'

'Please, sir!' said the tailor 'I meant no disrespect! I only ask for what is rightfully mine!'

'Yes,' said Tao 'you have made that clear.'

Then he put a finger through the man's skull. As the foolish tailor fell to the ground dead, Tao turned and walked away. 'I believe I made my… point?'

Yamcha was testing his power, practicing his stances as Korin watched, looking pleased. The white cat came forward. 'Very good, Yamcha. You've learned all that I have to teach you.'

'Thank you, Master Korin.' said Yamcha, standing up straight and bowing.

'Farewell, young man.' said Korin.

 _'_ _That boy is going to do great things.'_ mused Korin _'He may even become more powerful than Roshi some day. We'll see.'_

As Yamcha began his climb back down Korin Tower, Korin himself looked out across the world to see Mercenary Tao preparing to throw his pillar. Yamcha and Mercenary Tao were racing toward destiny as their final confrontation drew near.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

So did you know that the last episode was actually the end of the season? I'm not even kidding. Anyway I've been having a case of writer's block lately, so this was a bit slower coming out. I'm really looking forward to writing the showdown between Tao and Yamcha though.


	60. Return of Yamcha

**Chapter Sixty: The Return of Yamcha**

A great and cool mist had fallen over the land of Korin. It had come down from some of the mountains to shroud the land in gray. Even the tower could scarcely be seen with it. Over the course of the early morning, it faded away so that Upa and Puar could see up to the top of the tower again.

'It's been three days already.' said Upa 'I wonder if Yamcha has made it to the top of the tower yet.'

'Yamcha's probably on his way back now.' said Puar 'He's the strongest there is. He'll be back any minute, you'll see.'

And then out of the mist came Tao. His pillar crashed into the earth, impaling itself into the ground and the mercenary leaped off easily. He dusted himself off and looked up. Upa raised his hatchet while gasping in fear as the man approached. He was newly clothed in an outfit like the one which had been burned off him and it was flowing in the wind. He looked at them with a disdainful countenance.

'You…' said Upa 'you killed my father!'

'That's right.' said Tao 'I have killed many things, little heathen. And you're next.'

'Stay back!' cried Puar 'Yamcha will be back soon!'

Upa hurled his axe. It spun through the air, but Tao scarcely seemed to move as he dodged it completely. Tears fell from the boy's eyes as Tao looked on him in contempt. Then he rushed at him. Tao made a move and kicked Upa into the air before snatching him by the throat.

'Leave him alone!' cried Puar, before freezing as Tao pointed two fingers at her.

'Now listen to me very carefully,' said Tao 'where are you hiding the dragonball?'

'It's not here!' gasped Upa.

'Speak up, savage.' said Tao 'I can't understand you. Orange shiny ball! You have it! Where is it!'

Upa gasped.

'If you want the pain to stop,' said Tao 'talk.'

'I… can't… breathe…' gasped Upa.

'If you won't cooperate,' said Tao 'then we have nothing further to discuss.'

Suddenly there was a blur and Upa was no longer in Tao's hand. A figure landed by Puar, carrying the boy in both hands. He set him down.

'Yamcha!' cried Puar.

'Hey Puar,' said Yamcha 'hey Upa. Sorry to keep you guys waiting.'

Tao's eyes widened. 'You are alive!'

'Both you guys stay back.' said Yamcha 'I'll take this guy.'

'I've never fought someone twice.' said Tao 'This will be interesting.'

The two warriors turned and faced one another down. There was dead silence as they sized each other up. Finally, Yamcha spoke: 'You're not going to hurt anyone else, ever again.'

'You have no idea how lucky you are to be alive.' noted Tao. 'Much less talking. No one has ever survived my dodon ray. King's and peasants alike have fallen to its power.'

'Newsflash Mercenary,' said Yamcha 'I just did.'

'Ah yes,' said Tao 'the missing dragonball which I carelessly forgot to relieve you of during our first encounter. I won't make that mistake again. I must say I've been looking forward to this moment. Though I don't know which will be more entertaining. Taking the dragonball from you, or ramming it down your throat.

There is a very thin line between bravery and stupidity, bandit. Once before you saw this line and did not cross it. It seems you have become more of a fool since then. You don't really think you'll win, do you?'

'Give me back my dragonball and I'll let you live.' said Yamcha, taking a stance.

Tao laughed. 'What a vivid imagination you possess! Three seconds, that's how long you have to live!'

Then he charged. Yamcha rushed to meet him, blocked one of his strikes and punched him in the gut. Tao keeled over, and Yamcha brought up a knee to send him flying into the air. As he flew upwards Yamcha surged after him, focusing his power. Bringing around a leg he kicked Tao across the face, sending him crashing against the tower.

Both of them descended to land as Puar and Upa stared.

'I don't believe it…' said Upa 'He's winning!'

'See!' said Puar 'I told you Yamcha was the strongest!'

'Well, well, well, looks like it's been three seconds.' said Yamcha 'Guess you can add one more to the list of big words you can't back up. By the way: Pink? Really?'

'Yes…' said Tao 'I see. It's only been three days and yet your strength has increased immeasurably.'

'Well what can I say,' said Yamcha 'I'm a talented individual. Korin helped too, of course.'

'Korin…' said Tao 'as in the Sacred Tower of Korin?' He looked up, then down. 'You climbed to the top! Impossible! And I suppose while you were there you drank the sacred water!'

'Pretty much.' said Yamcha.

'I'm glad you found a way to amuse yourself with the time you had left.' said Tao 'Though it won't make any difference.'

'Yeah, that might have been intimidating if I hadn't just played volleyball with your crusty ass.' said Yamcha 'Face it, you've got nothing on me at this point! Still, I kind of like the idea of crushing a bastard like you twice! So let's fight.' And he took a stance.

'I don't fight, I annihilate and when I'm done you will be nothing but dust in the wind.' said Tao.

'Care to back up those words?' asked Yamcha.

'With pleasure, bandit.' said Tao 'Whatever you learned atop that tower won't be near enough to save your hide.'

Tao surged forward and unleashed a flurry of kicks which Yamcha effortlessly blocked. Next came his fists, which were fended off with ease. Tao stepped back in frustration.

'You blocked my death punch with your knee!' cried Tao in awe.

'Death punch?!' asked Yamcha 'Come on, that's a terrible name. Here, let me show you a good one. **WOLF FANG FIST!'**

It seemed for a moment as though a wolf really was surging toward Tao. A flurry of kicks beat him senseless, followed by a vicious barrage of punches, culminating in a double fisted attack that sent Tao surging back against a tree.

He hit it, but landed on his feet and charged back with another flurry of attacks. These too Yamcha evaded and dodged, hardly seeming to be exerting himself at all. Puar and Upa watched in awe.

'This is the exact opposite of their last fight.' said Upa.

Then Yamcha kicked Tao in the face hard. The assassin landed on one knee, bloodied and scuffed. He had a furious and wild look of hatred in his eyes as he gazed at Yamcha, who hadn't even taken a hit yet.

'Now it's my turn!' growled Tao.

'Your turn?' asked Yamcha 'I thought that ineffectual flailing was your turn.'

They charged at each other and Tao unleashed a low knee. But Yamcha leaped over it with ease. Tao followed quickly and punched Yamcha. This time he connected and sent Yamcha flying back toward the tower. But Yamcha caught himself on his legs and kicked off back toward Tao. Tao dodged out of the way and Yamcha shot towards the earth. He hit a tree and fell to the ground.

Getting up on one knee, Yamcha groaned. 'Ow.'

Tao chuckled as he landed. The two warriors charged again.

This time Yamcha took the offensive, threatening to break Tao's guard with every strike. Faster and faster they moved, with Tao unable to keep up. Finally, another kick sent him flying away. Even as he landed Tao was punched in the gut hard and staggered back. A kick to the chest followed, then a kick to the face. Then an elbow to the neck, followed by a kick to the gut.

Tao's uniform was torn and ripped. Bruises were covering his body as he struggled to stay standing. And Yamcha only seemed to be getting started, a look of fury on his face. With an uppercut, Yamcha sent Tao spinning into the air and he followed shortly to kick him in the face, sending him spinning downwards to earth.

Tao landed in a crater of dirt. Yamcha landed on his feet, expression furious.

When Tao pulled himself up, his shirt was utterly destroyed. 'That's the second suit you've destroyed!' he roared. 'Do you have any idea how difficult it's going to be to find another decent tailor!'

'Try going back to the one you got the first one from.' said Yamcha.

'I can't!' said Tao 'I killed him for demanding payment! I couldn't let an insult like that go unpunished!'

'Wait, so… you don't pay people for their services.' said Yamcha.

'Of course not! Why should I when I can simply use the threat of force to obtain their service freely?!' asked Tao.

'But… you charge billions of zeni to kill people.' said Yamcha. 'I've seen your advertisements.'

'What of it?!' roared Tao.

'Well… what do you use the money for?' asked Yamcha.

'It's not about the money! It's the principle of the thing!' roared Tao 'If I worked for free people would take my skills for granted!'

Dead silence. It suddenly occurred to Yamcha that Mercenary Tao did not benefit in any way, shape, or form from his work. He could just as easily have done nothing and been just as well off. He got services for free, got paid huge sums of money to kill people, and then did nothing with it. He did not seem to long for combat like Kakarot did, though he did take a perverse pleasure in toying with his prey. He seemed to care about his reputation.

'All of this…' said Yamcha 'you kill people just so you can feel superior to them.'

'Yes, so what of it?' asked Tao 'I am superior. To die to appease my whims is the greatest the worms I slay can aspire to achieve.'

Mercenary Tao was, without a doubt, the evilest person Yamcha had ever met. Probably the most evil he ever would meet, or even hear about. All that anger which had been slowly simmering down roared into new flame.

'You know,' said Yamcha 'after beating you senseless I was starting to calm down a bit. Now all that's gone. I guess I'll just have to start all over again.'

'You dare question my abilities?!' roared Tao 'Then taste my dodon ray!'

'Bring it on.' said Yamcha.

'Dodon ray!' cried Tao.

A beam of pure gold light, larger than the last shot forward towards Yamcha. However, he crossed his arms and took it head on. For a moment he held it in place, unmoving, then he pushed back and sent the beam shooting back toward Tao. The mercenary leaped out of the way and stared as Yamcha stood deadly still, totally unharmed.

Tao shook visibly. 'It's impossible…' he gasped. 'No one has ever withstood that attack…'

'That makes three times I've proved you wrong.' said Yamcha. 'Your a dead man walking Tao.'

'Dream on!' snapped Tao, drawing out a capsule and activating it.

The capsule exploded to reveal a long curved sword of razor sharpness. Tao caught it in one hand. Then he surged at Yamcha and swung it.

Yamcha narrowly got out of the way, but a narrow slash crossed over his eye. Another slashed him across his cheek, and another crossed it again to create an x as he dodged.

'X marks the spot!' laughed Tao, swinging again.

'Yamcha!' cried Puar, activating a capsule of her own. 'Catch!'

'My sword!' cried Yamcha, as the capsule exploded.

He caught the blade and blocked Tao's next strike. Their blades clashed and the two of them fenced back and forth. Yamcha was driven back, however, by the berserker fury of Tao. Ducking behind a tree, he had the tree cut in half.

'Don't worry bandit!' roared Tao with a laugh. 'I'm just going to take a little off the top!'

Yamcha leaped at him and unleashed a flurry of two-handed strikes. Tao backed away before him as their blades moved faster and faster in the light. They circled each other, swords flashing before Yamcha backflipped backward and kicked off the tower to charge at Tao.

Tao met his charge in midair and they passed each other.

Landing on the opposite sides from which they had started the two men remained silent. After a moment Yamcha fell to one side. Then Tao's blade shattered and he looked at it in horror. Yamcha stood up and looked at him with contempt. After a moment he planted his sword in the ground.

'I could probably cut you to pieces here and now with a clear conscience.' said Yamcha, bleeding from the wounds on his face. 'But I'm not like you. I don't believe in attacking someone with an unfair advantage, I fight my battles the old-fashioned way. With honor.'

'You could probably use a miracle!' snapped Tao 'Now hand over the dragonball while I still have some patience and I may let you live! Do as I say!'

'Get serious.' said Yamcha 'Your done. Coming at an unarmed man with a sword was the only hope you had, and now it's broken. Give me the dragonball you stole, leave, and I'll let you live.'

'Don't be absurd!' roared Tao 'You're just a child! Why do you want these stupid things so badly anyway?!'

'To bring back the people you murdered.' said Yamcha. 'It's the least I can do for my friends.'

'Well your friends are in for a big disappointment.' said Tao. 'You should be grateful for these last few moments of peace before I take what little life you've lived.' And he laughed.

'I've heard enough.' said Yamcha **'WOLF FANG FIST ATTACK!'**

As he surged towards Tao, however, the assassin kicked a stone. It hurtled past Yamcha and he saw it heading toward Puar as though in slow motion. Against him, it would be harmless, but it would kill her.

'PUAR!' he cried, jumping back to catch the stone inches from her face. He dropped the stone and whirled around. 'You bastard, I'll get you for-'

Tao was gone. Then he heard laughter and saw Tao hanging onto the tower. 'No one escapes the ravages of battle, bandit. Unfortunately, ours will have to wait for now while I make a trip up your precious tower. I'm feeling a bit thirsty!' And he climbed from sight.

'Jokes on him.' said Yamcha 'Puar, get me some bandages for these cuts. When he comes down, I'll be waiting.'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

I've been looking forward to this fight for a long time. I hope I did it well enough.

One of my guest reviewers had a question, and sadly I was unable to answer due to him lacking an account for me to PM. Consequently, I have decided to respond here.

The reason that Kakarot is stronger than his canon counterpart is because he started wearing training weights much earlier than in canon. Earlier in the story, he was about on par with Goku, and even performed worse against Jackie Chun, since he was more reckless and angry and didn't do as good a job.

As for the other guest review, I'm afraid it is a bit late for that. As of this chapter, Yamcha is stronger than Kakarot. He is the strongest of the main cast at this point, except maybe Master Roshi. Whether he'll stay that way is another question entirely. One of the things I'm trying to do in this fic is make it so the viewers aren't sure who is going to end up winning Kakarot's various rivalries.


	61. The Last of Mercenary Tao

**Chapter Sixty-one: The Last of Mercenary Tao**

The wind whistled through the trees beneath Korin Tower as Mercenary Tao scaled the wall. He did not clamber on hand and foot, but rather simply ran straight upwards without looking down or to the side. He was climbing faster than the fastest vehicle in all the land could drive on a flat plane, and yet still he could see no sign of the top.

'All this hard work.' he muttered 'You'd think they could carve some steps.'

* * *

Below Yamcha's wounds were being tended to. The bleeding had been stopped, but nasty marks remained on him. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. 'Puar, any chance this isn't going to leave a scar?'

'Sorry Yamcha.' said Puar 'You're lucky he didn't put out an eye.'

'I can't take all this waiting.' said Upa. 'There has to be something we can do.'

'Forget it, kid,' said Yamcha 'the sacred water isn't going to do Tao any good. If you ever climb up there yourself you'll find out why. I didn't want to keep fighting him with blood covering my left eye, so I figure I'll let him exhaust himself climbing up then beat him to a pulp once he gets back.' He stood up. 'Hey Puar, let's go hunt something. It's been a while since we camped out hasn't it?'

'Yeah Yamcha,' said Puar 'I kind of miss the desert.'

'Well we can go back sometime.' said Yamcha. 'When all this is over.'

Later as they eat a newly caught meal of meat in the dying light, Upa did not seem to eat as enthusiastically. Actually, he wasn't eating at all. 'Something wrong, Upa?' asked Puar.

'I'm really worried.' he said 'I'll bet he's made it all the way to the top already.'

'Don't worry about it.' said Yamcha 'I told you, he's only wearing himself out.'

'Oh I get it.' said Upa 'The sacred water must only work for good people like you, Yamcha.'

'Sure let's go with that.' said Yamcha 'Hey, I'm going to bed. Wake me up when Tao gets back.'

'Okay.' said Upa.

* * *

Tao. Was. Still. Running.

It was dark now. The dead of night and yet still he scaled ever faster to no avail. On and on it went and no matter how hard he pumped his legs there was still more tower to climb. Morning dawned as his legs ached in exhaustion. Finally, he saw it and smiled.

'Ah, at last!' he cried. 'The tower! The water is mine!'

Leaping through the entrance he found himself within what appeared to be a living room. It was not what he had expected, but he did not much care. 'Who in their right mind would live in such a place?'

Turning to scan the room he saw three jars capped with wooden tops. 'Ah, here we are.'

He approached the center jar and removed it. There was water within, but there was nothing special he could see about it. Nor could he sense it. 'Looks like tap water to me.'

Then something strange happened. He suddenly saw the body of a man. A man he had killed with a punch. Soon there came another, and another, and another after that. A parade of corpses cut down in all stages of life seemed to dance past his eyes. Men, women and children. None had been spared.

He had killed them. Slaughtered them all without a second thought?

Why did it suddenly matter to him? They were weak, and therefore worthless. He saw the most recent of them, the tailor and then the savage. Then it was gone. Tao was left, mulling it over. Something about what he had seen troubled him, and he did not know why.

'What is this thing?' he asked.

'Yeah,' said a sarcastic voice 'does a number on a guilty conscience, doesn't it?'

Guilty conscience? Was that what he was feeling? He turned around to see a fluffy white cat, carrying a staff. He did not seem as he appeared. 'Who might you be?'

'I'm Korin,' said the cat 'keeper of the tower.'

'Korin?' asked Tao 'You?' What a remarkable anticlimax.

'That's right.' said the cat 'You're not from around here are you? You'd be nice to show some respect.'

Tao moved forward and put his hands behind his back. Once again the images went through his mind and he tried to shake them off. 'That's quite an ego for a little kitty.'

'Kitty?' asked Korin 'Is that supposed to be your idea of a joke?'

Tao pushed aside the images and reached out to snatch Korin. But the cat seemed to move without moving and was just out of reach. 'I've had enough of this conversation.'

'The sacred water is powerless without me.' said Korin 'Strange to find someone you can't afford to kill, isn't it?'

'Hand it over.' said Tao.

'Fine then.' said Korin 'Kneel over there and look at the wall. Now.'

'You can't order me around.' snapped Tao.

'No ones allowed to see me draw the water.' said Korin 'That's just the way it's done. You got a problem with that head back home and face my last customer.'

The cats disrespect irritated Tao. It infuriated him, and the images of all those he had killed still wormed through his memory. He decided he'd just cooperate. 'Get on with it, then.'

Walking over to the wall Tao sat down crosslegged.

'If I recall correctly I told you to kneel!' snapped Korin.

'Whatever,' snapped Tao 'but don't try to give me some fake stuff or it's filet meow for dinner.' He shifted his position to a kneel while he let Korin work.

He really hadn't had to kill them, had he? He didn't feel bad about killing them, they had been insects. But Yamcha had been right. Mercenary Tao did not need the money he got from assassinations. Nor did it provide him with any meaningful practice. He did not benefit from his trade. His early life had been one mad scramble for greater power, and then when he had achieved it he had become an assassin to pass the time.

Should that mean something to him? Had he just been wasting his time?

'Here you go.' said Korin.

Tao turned around and saw a simple cup of water. He snatched it from the cat and looked at it. 'It's real sacred water?'

'Yes,' said Korin 'made from the very same batch which made the bandit stronger.'

Tao growled. He shouldn't have to go through all this just to beat some kid. He'd have to take steps once he was done here. Tao put the cup down.

'Not to your liking?' asked Korin.

Tao stood up. 'No, I need to test my strength first.'

'You really don't want a piece of this.' said Korin, readying his staff.

'No,' said Tao, looking around. 'I'll spar with that pillar over there!' He raised a finger to the pillar. 'Dodon ray!' The beam shot from his finger and hit the pillar. It washed over it.

Then nothing. Not a scratch. That had been Tao's strongest blast. What was this place made of? 'Now that's a strong column.'

'Well, it is sacred stone.' mused Korin 'It doesn't get much stronger than sacred stone.'

'So if the water is genuine and I drink it I will be able to break the pole to bits with no trouble at all, right?' asked Tao.

'I'm sure you will be very happy with the results of your little test.' said Korin.

Tao took up the cup and raised it. However, as he did so he heard the sound of a drop hitting water. Looking to the jar he made his way over to it. There, at the base of the tower, Tao saw a boy. The boy he had left fatherless without a second thought. He hadn't even needed to kill him, his father could not have even inconvenienced Tao for all his strength. Why had he done it? For pride? Wrath?

Sadism. Tao enjoyed others helplessness. He liked affirming that he was greater than them, greater than anyone. That he was the greatest. And their fear was that affirmation. It hadn't always been like that. Once he'd been young, ambitious, but he hadn't regarded those weaker than him as worms in the mud. Had he truly made progress?

'One of the brats.' said Tao.

'It seems hopeless…' said the boy 'By now he must be ten times stronger. Yamcha won't be able to beat him anymore.'

A vision of Bora, yes that had been his name, impaled with his own spear and falling beset Tao and he took a step backward. What was this Tao was feeling? Guilt? Sympathy? Unacceptable. He crushed it downwards and turned to Korin, keeping his composure. He was not so weak as to have second thoughts now. How to make use of this vision?

'Hmm,' he said 'he happens to be standing in just the right spot. If the water doesn't work out, and you'd better hope it does, I'll drop this pot on his head.'

'That's a pretty weird and disgusting idea, big guy.' said Korin.

'Well, why don't we see if I have to resort to that?' said Tao, and he drank from the water. The guilt passed. The hesitation passed. All remnants of sympathy and weakness were purged from his mind as he downed that water.

He threw the empty cup down and it shattered.

'Now the proof!' snapped Tao.

'Remember that it's a very thick column.' said Korin.

'It's the moment of truth.' snapped Tao.

He fired it dodon ray and it hit the pillar head-on. There was an explosion and the pillar remained where it was. It cracked slightly. That was it? That was the extent of the improvement? White hot rage rushed through his veins.

'You will pay dearly for trying to fool me?!' roared Tao.

He turned to the jar and picked it up.

'Just settle down.' said Korin, voice holding a note of contempt.

'I'll calm down when you produce the sacred water!' snapped Tao.

'Listen,' said Korin 'the so-called sacred water is only plain tap water and that's exactly the same thing the bandit drank when he was here.'

Tap water? Was it possible that the bandit had gained such power merely by believing he had it? Ridiculous! 'I'm done playing around!' roared Tao 'Stop lying or I swear I'll drop this thing!' And he hoisted the jar.

There was a crack and Tao turned. Behind him, the pillar had splintered and broken into thousands of tiny pieces.

'Wow, look.' said Korin 'It just took a little while for your ray to take its full effect on the stone.'

Pleasure surged through Tao and he put down the jar and smiled as he stood to his full height. 'I'm going to pulverize that miserable bandit this time! You can count on it!'

Turning away from that fool Korin he made his way over to the exit. It was time to pay back his dues, once and for all.

'Wait.' said Korin, voice holding an authority. Tao found he was almost forced to turn round to face the cat. 'You want a lift?' He raised a staff and out from the sky came a large black cloud. 'I offer free limo service.'

'I'm supposed to ride on this?' asked Tao.

'Coming down from here is almost as tough as going up.' said Korin 'You don't want to waste all your energy on the way down, do ya?'

Tao leaped on in satisfaction. Part of him wondered why Korin should provide such help. However, he crushed it down. He was invincible now. He leaped onto the cloud. 'It looks like the bandit's date with destruction has arrived early.'

And he surged away and down towards earth.

* * *

Yamcha awoke that morning and began to stretch in preparation for his rematch. As he did so Upa and Puar watched in worry. When he had finished he looked at them. 'You guys alright?'

'Yamcha,' said Puar 'what if the water does work for Tao? What then?'

'Puar,' said Yamcha 'it's fine. There is nothing to worry about.'

* * *

Korin stared down at the world in a contemplative mood. It had been a long time since he'd seen someone cross over into a state of pure evil. It was more than merely doing evil acts or a mindset. To become pure evil one had to totally alienate oneself from everything good. To complete devote your soul to the doing of evil in one way or another.

Of course, Tao had been on his way there for years. He'd never exactly been what one could call a saint, but he'd had good qualities. Over the years he'd beaten them down beneath wave after wave of misdeeds. That look into the well had rallied them.

It hadn't been that threatening Upa was the worst thing that Tao had ever done. It was his mindset. For the first time in years, the assassin had listened to what his conscience had to say, listened to that little voice in his mind that had always been there. He'd heard it out, considered it, and then went right back to atrocities.

His pride was too great to change.

Not that Korin had been placing any bets on Tao's redemption, but it was still a bit depressing. It made what he was about to do all the sweeter, however. It had been quick thinking lending him Korin's pure evil Nimbus Cloud. He didn't need Tao getting any stronger from the trip down.

The Nimbus itself had been something Korin had learned long ago. He'd learned to use it by forcing himself into a mindset of pure evil. It hadn't been easy, and getting out of it had been a real chore. A very unpleasant business, but like most unpleasant things Korin learned from the experience. Which is more than could be said for Tao.

Tao was now very near the ground. Near enough, so he could be seen.

'And now!' said Korin.

The Nimbus abandoned Tao, and Mercenary Tao fell to earth with a cry. He arose and looked up. 'I'll get you for that furball!'

Yeah, Korin was just shaking.

* * *

Yamcha had to admit he wasn't expecting Tao to reach the earth in quite that fashion. He must have taken a misstep towards the bottom. Either way, his loss was Yamcha's gain. He took a stance. 'Enjoy the climb down?'

'I'm in a hurry to finish you off.' said Tao. 'You fool! Now get ready to be annihilated!'

'Sure,' said Yamcha 'and I'm sure the sacred water did you a lot of good.'

Tao was shaking with rage. His expression, once stoic, was now showing his anger and Yamcha found he could read the mans thoughts easily. Now the only question was whether Tao would get control of himself.

'Do you have any last words?' asked Tao.

'I'm not going to dignify that with a response.' said Yamcha.

'Witness the power of the sacred water!' roared Tao.

The assault from Tao was sudden and predictable, but it came on much faster than Yamcha was expecting. He took a blow to the face and reeled backward. As he did so a foot struck him in the chin and sent him flying. A flying punch sent him spiraling downwards toward the ground. The pain surged through him and before he could work through it Tao was on him like a wild animal, punching him repeatedly. Then gripping him by the shirt he raised him upwards he kicked Yamcha into the air.

Yamcha was in a daze, but vaguely he could sense Tao coming. Before he could move the assassin was above him with a psychotic smirk on his face. 'This is the end!'

An elbow took Yamcha in the gut and he was sent spinning down to earth. He landed with a crash and groaned painfully as Tao came down with a knee and smashed it into his gut with an aerial assault.

Tao laughed and stood up. Yamcha played dead. That had hurt. It had hurt a lot. And the hurting was really only starting to kick in as his nervous system recovered from being knocked out of whack. Ow.

How the hell had Tao done that?! He'd spent days running up the tower just for tap water? Any strength increase he got from the climb should have been outweighed by his exhaustion. Was this the placebo effect? Had Tao become stronger simply because he believed he was stronger?

'That little glass of water made a world of difference!' cried Tao 'You're out of your league! It's too bad that you never learned to stay out of the way! You should have left the fighting to the professionals!'

Yamcha got up and savored the moment as Tao's confidence turned to a virtual freakout. The assassin made a strangled noise from his throat as Yamcha stood to his full height. He raised a sleeve to wipe the blood from his mouth. 'I wasn't expecting you to get any stronger from that. Guess that'll teach me to declare victory before I've won.'

'You're alive!' cried Upa.

'Yay, Yamcha!' said Puar.

'I've got to be dreaming!' cried Tao.

'I've been listening to you.' said Yamcha 'You're breathing makes you predictable. Now that I'm prepared for your increased speed and strength, this'll be a cinch.'

'I will crush you!' roared Tao.

Yamcha charged with a cry. He moved aside from one of Tao's punches and got him in the stomach in return. The strike sent him sliding backward, leaving a trail of dirt behind his feet. As he reeled Yamcha leaped into the air and came down, roundhouse kicking Tao in the face, then catching him by the foot as he flew backward. Swinging the assassin around like a ragdoll he smashed him against the ground.  
'Great job!' cried Upa.

'You're the best Yamcha!' said Puar.

Tao arose, eyes wide and bruised all over. He struggled to even arise beneath the beating he'd received, while Yamcha was hardly affected. Yamcha considered giving the man the chance to back down. Then he remembered Bora lying dead on the ground.

 **'** **WOLF FANG-'**

'I give up!' cried Tao, falling to his knees. 'You win. I admit my defeat. Please forgive me. I'm sorry.' And he bowed.

Yamcha halted. He wanted this guy dead. Kami knew the bastard deserved it, and there was a good chance this was just a trick. He'd probably come back to attack him later. Yet… Tao could have had the exact same reasoning when Yamcha had barged into that room. One move and he'd have been dead.

'I'll never hurt anyone again.' said Tao.

Yamcha looked to Upa, who didn't say anything.

'Please let me go.' said Tao, voice pitiful.

'…Get out of here.' said Yamcha 'If I ever catch you hurting people again I'll cut you to pieces.'

Then Tao laughed and arose, drawing out a grenade. 'Accept this apology!' He hurled it and leaped into the air. 'Sayonara you fool!'

Yamcha had no idea if the device might actually hurt him, but he wasn't going to take the chance. With a movement, he caught the device and with a spin redirected its momentum straight towards Tao.

The notorious mercenary let out a scream that was cut off by an enormous explosion. The trees shook and bent beneath the force as a light greater than the sun flared across the countryside. Yamcha shielded his eyes as it passed, then looked up. When he gazed upwards there was no sign of Mercenary Tao.

He looked to Puar as the smoke settled.

'You won!' cried Puar 'You beat Mercenary Tao!'

'Hooray!' cried Upa.

'Yeah,' said Yamcha 'and I'm not done yet. Right now there's nobody in the world who can stop me and I know where I'm going next.'

'Where?' asked Puar.

'We're going to rescue our friends.' said Yamcha 'And destroy the Red Ribbon Army once and for all!'

'But how are we going to find them?' asked Puar.

'Easy,' said Yamcha 'they've got a whole bunch of dragonballs right now. So I'll just follow the radar to them. Don't worry kid, as soon as we've got our friends and the dragonballs back we'll come back here and wish your dad back.'

'Great!' said Upa 'You're an awesome warrior, Yamcha.'

'Um, okay…' said Puar 'Yamcha.'

'Yeah?' asked Yamcha.

'We may have… kind of… sort of… lost all our capsules in the crash.' said Puar.

'Oh.' said Yamcha 'Erm… Upa do you have any plane capsules?'

'What's a plane?' asked Upa.

This did not bode well.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay and Mercenary Tao is out of here. I quite enjoyed writing this chapter, even if it was somewhat delayed. I like writing villains in a contemplative mood, and this chapter gave me a chance to examine Tao. There were a couple of additional minor alterations to canon. For one thing, I'm pretty sure that Tao doesn't climb the tower in the original manga. Moreover, Korin never really gets caught by Goku in canon, he just makes a misstep.

I thus decided to portray Korin as being totally in control of the situation and more or less humoring Tao, since logically Korin should have been able to give Tao a run for his money in a fight.


	62. An Unlikely Alliance

**Chapter Sixty-two: An Unlikely Alliance**

Dr. Gero made his way into a secret lab alongside his son. Barracks slid his card through a locking mechanism and they entered the innermost lab. There the child Silver and Launch had captured was chained to a reinforced steel table. He glared hatefully at them.

'Ah, the specimen.' said Barracks 'It is time for more experiments.'

'You'll die for this.' said Kakarot.

'I sincerely doubt that.' said Barracks 'My position grows stronger with every passing day, and my plans are coming into fruition.' He pressed a button on a control panel.

Kakarot screamed as electricity surged through him. He pulled on his restraints to no avail, screaming louder and louder, before it stopped. Barracks looked at the readings on the screen. 'Interesting, it appears that my scientists theory was correct. Your body naturally adapts to disruption and emerges stronger for it each time. Do you even realize the potential use which your cells could have.'

'I understand the millions of potential ways I'm considering killing you.' said Kakarot 'They're getting slower.'

Barracks did not respond and pressed another button. The shocks increased and Kakarot screamed and screamed until at last he fell limp to the ground. Barracks kept the machine on for a few minutes before he turned it off. Then he looked to a scientist. 'Get some more injections of his blood. I want to know how it has changed.'

As they busied themselves, Gero kept silent. He had never thought much of his sons obsession with genetics. At one time it had seemed to him that flesh and blood could never be stronger than steel and stone. Now that had changed.

'Well Father?' asked Barracks.

'I admit,' grunted Gero 'your research has yielded better fruit than I had expected. And your newly engineered soldiers have proven to be quite formidable. They succeeded where my machines failed. You have outdone me.

Your plan may work.'

'Thank you.' said Barracks with a smile. 'But I couldn't have done it without your example. I really look up to you dad.' Then he hugged him.

Dr. Gero was not one prone to shows of affection, but he returned the gesture. Then they broke it. 'Have all the preparations for your plan been made?'

'Of course.' said Barracks 'Actually they've been made for some years. I just need to perfect my serum. Which reminds me, I've been experimenting with including that boys blood in the serum.

I believe it may allow us to give some of his traits to those effected by it.'

'Perhaps,' mused Gero 'and that is why you wanted Ms. Briefs here?'

'Yes.' said Barracks 'Bring her out.'

Bulma Briefs was brought in, hands cuffed and looking very annoyed. And far more defiant than anyone in her position ought to. She looked at them in contempt. 'Alright what the hell do you want now? I've just spent the last few days doing nothing but tuning up your damn machines. And the room you gave me is horrible! The shampoo is aweful! Don't any of you people know how to treat a lady?'

'I haven't the slightest interest in the subject.' said Gero. 'However at this stage you have all but outlived your usefulness to us.'

Bulma took a step back and paled. 'You… you don't really mean that do you? I mean, I'm a qualified genius! Nobody is as smart as me! If you kill me you'll regret it!'

'I highly doubt that.' said Gero with a smile. 'Since someone of your intellect could easily turn the tables on me. However since you have upheld your end of the bargain I've decided to give you at least a chance of survival. Your physical tests indicate you are above average in terms of muscle and fitness. Which makes you an ideal test subject.'

He turned to a machine that looked more like a sarcophogas of steel than anything else. It had only a small window in it. Pressing a button on the wall the machine opened and revealed was a bed which Bulma was herded towards.

Bulma resistd. 'Hey, uh… shouldn't you do some preliminary tests or something before you put me in that?

'Where's the fun in that?' asked Gero. 'Put her in.'

* * *

Yamcha was pacing back and forth as Puar watched. She'd never seen him so worried as he walked, his hands behind his back. 'Okay, okay, so we need to get to the Red Ribbon HQ and fast. But how are we going to do it?'

'Well we could walk there.' said Puar.

'Puar it's hundreds of miles.' said Yamcha 'If I ran full speed I might get there in a week, but… damn it. We don't have time!'

'Yamcha look! A golden cloud!' cried Upa.

They looked up and saw Chichi heading towards them on her nimbus. She looked worried. Her clothes were torn and she was covered in bruises. Her hair was a mess as she landed on the ground. 'Yamcha! Puar! You have to help me!'

'Chi Chi, are you alright?' asked Yamcha.

'No, they took Kakarot and Bulma!' said Chi Chi 'We've got to save them!'

'We know. We also know where they are but…' Yamcha paused. 'we've got no way to get there.'

'I'll go on ahead then.' said Chi Chi.

'No you can't!' said Yamcha 'They beat you and Kakarot, if you go alone you won't get lucky twice!'

'But I have to do something.' said Chi Chi.

At that moment a shadow was cast over them and they looked up to see Pilafs death fortress coming into view. Down came the Emperor with his minions Shu and Mai and he looked at them with a smile. 'Perhaps we can be of some assistance.'

'Pilaf, what are you doing here?' asked Yamcha.

'My associates and I have been looking for the dragonballs for some time now.' said Pilaf, looking at his hand. 'Unfortunately it seems we've both run into some trouble with a group of vagabonds called the Red Ribbon Army. I've been gathering my forces to assault their compound, but I could use some help.

And from the looks of things you could use some transportation.'

'Yamcha do you think we can trust these guys?' asked Puar.

'We don't have a choice.' said Yamcha 'Alright Pilaf, we'll team up.'

'Capital.' said Pilaf. 'Come, my death fortress awaits.'

It was a scenic grassy field. Birds were chirping, the flowers were in bloom and Commander Red was playing golf. He struck the ball and sent it rolling across the fields before finally getting right into the hole. Red smiled in satisfaction as Black clapped.

'Nice shot sir, really.' said Black.

Red looked up in irritation. 'I've told ya before! An underling should never look down on his leader!'

Black immediately squatted and clapped faster. 'Right sir.'

They turned and walked back the way they had come. 'What a glorious day.' mused Red 'The sun is shining, I'm on top of my game and before long I will own all the dragonballs. As soon as Mercenary Tao gets back we will have only two more dragonballs to track down.'

'Then it's only a matter of time before the Red Ribbon Army rules the world, right sir?' asked Black.

Red didn't answer because at that moment his cell phone rang. Drawing it out he put it to his ear. 'Red here, speak!'

'Commander,' said a soldier 'we have had a very interesting conversation with Colonel Violet in the field. She claims to have recovered another dragonball.'

'Excellent.' said Red.

* * *

In a far away jungle birds flew overhead a small modern raft as Colonel Violet lounged sleeping. She was a medium sized attractive woman with short violet hair and a broadbrimmed hat over her head. It was a beautiful day. And soon it would be made even better by the addition of some serious new power. She blew air into her bubblegum as her dragon radar beeped repeatedly.

Then up came the divers. 'Colonel Violet, we found it!' cried one. 'It was right where you said it would be.'

The bubblegum popped. Violet looked up. 'You sure?'

The Red Ribbon Army had been constantly given trouble getting these things. Vulcanos exploded, storms blew them away. Teenagers got superpowers. Every time they almost had them something showed up to interfere. Or so Violet had heard. Her experience had been quite calm and peaceful.

That made her suspicious.

And then the giant crocodile showed up. It roared into place. The machinegunner opened fire on it, but Violet observed as it drew closer. Obviously it was bulletproof. Typical.

Making her way up to the pilot she sighed. 'That big old aligator looks hungry. Don't you think we should feed him something? You look like you could whet his appetite.' Then grabbing the soldier she threw him forward. He hit the machinegunner and sent them both spiralling into the water.

Violet turned the vehicle to go past the aligator, which went after easier prey.

'Colonel please!' cried the soldier.

'Looks like you picked a pretty lousy day to go for a swim, boys.' said Violet.

Two fewer people to share the credit with. So much the better.

Soon enough the raft landed on the shore. Violet and her only remaining soldier rushed quickly onto the plane which was waiting for them. However a spear shot past Violet's ear and buried itself in the ground. She looked up. 'Whose that?'

A pack of natives were coming toward them, hurling spears and firing arrows. Some swung on vines down toward them. They really looked upset.

'What's the deal with these guys?' asked Violet.

'It's the barbaric Pak Pak tribe.' said the man 'This is their territory!'

'Start the engine.' said Violet.

'I'm trying!' he said, gunning it. 'Come on, baby.'

An arrow shot into a tree above and a monkey fell downward, injured. Violet caught him. The poor thing was injured and she ducked down in her seat. The sad creature had been grazed by an arrow. Those beasts had hurt this poor innocent forest creature!

'Poor baby.' said Violet.

And if the groan of pain and the thump was indication her pilot had just died. Whatever, she had more of those things at the base. 'Would you look at that.' said Violet 'The pilot's napping. I think you'd better go home now.'

She sent the monkey off and jumped into the seat. Gunning the engine one last time, she got the propeller spinning. Soon she was driving through the air, arrows and spears flying around her. The wheels took off the ground and then she was flying home free in the open air.

Mission success.

Later Violet was led by Black into the Red Ribbon HQ. There he approached Red. Red was an unimpressive person if Violet had ever seen one, but he was the boss. 'Sir, Colonel Violet has returned. She's waiting for you with the dragonball.'

Red made his way up to Violet. He didn't look like he thought much of her but his face brightened up when he saw the ball. Violet saluted. 'Sir, good afternoon sir. I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner.' said Violet 'I hit a little snag.'

'Good work, Colonel.' said Red 'This one makes six when Tao comes back with the rest of them.'

'If Tao comes back with the rest of them.' said Silver.

'I don't want to hear it!' snapped Red 'Don't think just because you're under Gero's protection that I've forgotten your previous failures!'

'Be that as it may sir.' said Violet 'That radar Briefs built made finding the dragonball a walk in the park.'

'Excellent,' said Red, turning to Black, 'now hand the radar over to General Cappa and instruct him to locate the final ball immediately.'

'Um,' said Violet 'about the reward.'

'How uncouth!' said Black.

'It's okay.' said Red 'We did have a deal.' He brought out a bag. 'Good work, Violet.'

Violet took it and looked at the gold. It was as much as she had agreed to be paid. She saluted. 'May you triumph, sir!'

'Commander Red,' said a soldier 'the dragonballs have passed through sector B. Calculations say that they'll arrive in approximately fifteen minutes.'

'It's about time Tao returned.' said Red.

'Commander,' said another soldier 'there appears to be an unidentified flying object approaching at a high rate of speed.'

'You dolt!' said Red 'It's Mercenary Tao!'

'No sir!' said the soldier 'It appears to be some kind of death fortress!'

'What?' said Red. 'Activate our defense systems at once!'

* * *

Pilaf's Death Fortress was gigantic. it was spacious and it was actually quite comfortable to live in. Puar clearly enjoyed herself. 'Have you seen this place, Yamcha? It has a wine bar! A wine bar!'

'Yes well, you're welcome to help yourself after the victory.' said Pilaf 'Mai, what is the status on our advance?'

'We're picking up heat signatures convering on us Emperor!' said Mai 'They are firing at us!'

'Return fire and activate our AA defenses!' cried Pilaf 'Nothing will stop us from achieving our domination of this world!' There was a brief shuddering. 'Mai, why is my Death Fortress shaking?'

'Emperor' said Shu. 'they are firing huge numbers of missiles at us. We can't catch them all.'

'You'd better, or my pet crocodiles will be having dogmeat for lunch!' said Pilaf.

That go them into a flurry of activity and soon they were soaring overhead the trees, ducking and weaving through the shot with ease despite the onslaught. Yamcha was impressed despite himself.

'Alright,' said Yamcha 'so when we get there what's the plan?'

'You and your friends take to the ground and remove the more powerful threats.' said Pilaf 'My own henchmen will deal with the lesser enemies. They'll rue the day they ever dared cross the Emperor Pilaf!' Then he began to laugh.

'Emperor!' said Mai 'We're past the defense systems and are making our final approach against the Red Ribbon Army!'

'Excellent!' said Pilaf 'Unleash BUYON!'

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

I would like to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the long delay in getting this thing out. I've been preoccupied with other fics and in a creative slump regarding Dragonball.


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